the kind of experience I talked about yesterday, which may... some taste of that, like that, may occur to us occasionally before we can before we exist without the contrast between experiences. But that kind of experience is not the purpose of Zen practice. And so there are certain yogas which the purpose is such kinds of unusual clear states of mind which then you

[01:08]

elaborate upon or develop further. But that's not the purpose of Zen, nor is it necessary for any of you to have that kind of experience or any other particular kind of experience. So you don't have to feel, well, I've never felt that. Something must be wrong with my practice. Or, geez, I've been feeling that ever since, even before I started sitting. I had experiences like that. So I must be pretty advanced. But neither of those cases have any particular value. What you find in that kind of experience is you can have it if you can observe it. And you can observe it if you're not too attached. So I call it

[02:33]

the experience of observing it, the wishless control center, because there's some sense of being able to be in control or watching your state of mind, as long as you have no wishes about it. As soon as you have some wish about it, your ability to observe it disappears and the state of mind disappears. That observer is rather unstable, wobbly. So again, even having this kind of experience teaches you how to give up that kind of experience.

[03:41]

that as soon as you objectify any particular state of mind, you are in some unstable position. So how to have no particular state of mind or any and all particular states of mind is our practice. Avalokiteshvara, or Kanzeon, with one thousand arms, means not Absolute Buddha, the Bodhisattva who takes many forms, no particular form. There's a story, I don't know if I've told you before, about two monks. You've heard a story about two monks before. You must have heard that one. Anyway, there's of course two monks, or one guy talking to himself. Anyway, one says, how many arms does Avalokitesvara have? You know that story. And the other one says,

[05:20]

His whole body is his arms, are his arms. And the second, the first one says, question and answer the same. The question and the answer are the same. And the second one says, 99% correct. Anyway, that's a rather simple story, but rather interesting. Dogen comments on that story and says, yes, 99% is right. If you say 100%, or his whole body is his arms, maybe that's all right, but still it has some finite idea. 99% isn't finite. Something's missing. Not absolute Buddha.

[06:22]

The whole earth isn't whole. The universe isn't complete. So the Bodhisattva, not entering nirvana and not being some Buddha, absolute Buddha, means that we should be able to take any form, any activity. It's not some magic power. It means all activity is Avalokiteshvara. As you know, when you're doing a Sashin like this, and you have, after a while, you have some experience of yourself, not so divided, some together feeling, some whole feeling, some experience of your wholeness,

[07:55]

And then when we do something together, like chant, it's quite easy to chant completely. It comes out very easily. And it's very easy to chant with others. But in this case, you know, you could say, well, we know how to do things with others, or we're doing something with others, but actually we're just experiencing our wholeness. The same is true if we are doing different things. If you have some experience of your wholeness and you're doing, two or three people are doing something different together, each thing seems to complement the other. So again, it's our wholeness which is being expressed on the particular moment. idea then of Zen is to have that on each moment to express your wholeness. So we have to take

[09:41]

some particular role to express ourselves, to express our wholeness. I wasn't particularly inclined to be a monk or a priest. For some people it's quite natural. Anyway, I wasn't particularly inclined, but this is now my life, you know. So... In this way, I find some way to express myself. Some poem has a particular form which is just right for

[10:49]

that particular feeling or statement. So, in fact, being a priest, that's all being a priest or monk means, finding some particular way to express our wholeness with others. And each of you, whether you're a monk or some other kind of take some other form, you should have some form by which you express yourself, something particular. Only in having something particular that you do over and over again and become more and more familiar with can you have any spiritual life. Spiritual life isn't some big common denominator or big generalization, like science tries to generalize. Spiritual life is very particular.

[12:17]

And so universal and particular are exactly one. You can't have one without the other. In the Avanthamsaka Sutra, they list ten mysterious gates. And only... My own list is six. Some of them seem just to make ten. But one is... And these are all... I'm asking myself, what is the point of telling you what these gates are?

[13:46]

I don't know. I want to tell you anyway. Because it's... If you know how to understand it, it's useful. Because it isn't different than you find yourself acting if you meditate. But... It may help us, you know, practice or let go of some ideas we have which rigidify us. Anyway, one of the gates is space and time and past, present and future are one. That your activity itself is space and time and past, present, and future. But right now, when you act, you are acting in the past, in the future, and in the present. And there's no escape from this responsibility. Another is

[15:22]

that all actions are included in one action. And there's some power here, some power of practice. When you can act without holding back, without restraint, Knowing that your one action includes all actions. And knowing that you can't slip one karmically unrelated act through. Today I'll get away with this. No one will notice. My karma won't notice.

[16:25]

That kind of idea that you can sneak one by is to not realize that everything you do, every action includes all your actions. You can have some sense of that when you're older and you look back on all the diverse things you did and you see they were one. All seem to be right now included in what you're doing and what you are, of course. So if at the moment you're acting you know that, that this act is what I am and what I'm doing and it's past, present and future, there's some power there, some participation. We can almost say control, but it's It's like control, but it's not controlled. Anyway, it's some freedom, actually. It sounds like some terrible burden, but it's actually some freedom. You don't have to worry about the past and the future or the present.

[17:53]

just this action you have to worry about. The rest of it you can forget about. This is enough, whatever it is. It's very similar to Laman Pang saying, whatever comes to me to do, whatever falls into my hands or The sixth patriarch saying, I don't know what you'll give me to do. Same expression of reality. Third is, with a feeling for the subtleness of existence. Not just what you can perceive or control, but all kinds of senses that we aren't conscious of, but can act with, in accord with, on.

[19:25]

Maybe it's Sambhogakaya or something. Another is recognizing that everything has some form, but that form is not permanent. And being able to act in the impermanence of it, the appearance and disappearance of it. You understand what I mean? To be. Maybe this is one way to, one expression of emptiness. Nothing has a determinate form and you act on its indeterminateness, that you exist in the changing, And that's your very energy, that you respond to things in their appearance and disappearance, in their changing, rather than in their fixed form. This also is some power. You don't get caught off guard, but you've got to be willing to lose. If you don't want to lose anything,

[20:51]

No, it won't work. You've got to be willing to lose. Willing to lose a mate that you really wanted? We say, I only got one lifetime, I don't want to, at least I must marry this person. When you're willing to lose, you'll meet quite a few people you should have married. Until you're willing to lose, you can't bear losing more than once. But when you're willing to lose, you'll lose constantly, always losing. Each moment you're losing something, it's disappearing. So, you've got to be a loser, you know, to practice Zen. That's not just a joke, you know.

[22:23]

And actually, we have to bear extraordinary things in our lifetime. You have to bear, you know, the disappearance of your parents, of people you love, and of friends, and of brothers and sisters, and of your children, perhaps. At any time, you have to be prepared to find out your son or daughter is dead. Everyone has to bear this kind of extraordinary thing. We didn't expect it when we were little that that was written in the rule book of life. And you have to bear even seeing what mankind has hoped for, what civilization has hoped for, given up. So unless you're able to enter this mysterious gate,

[23:54]

You can't bear what life will offer you. You may weather it, With that, you won't know how much you are actually losing all the time. And you won't know the real nature of culture, which is changing, non-possessive. Maybe what really creates culture, each of us, is something that we can't possess.

[25:04]

So your non-possessive feeling is the very creativity of culture. So if you try to grasp culture, or your life, or the life of your friends or loved ones, you'll kill them actually. Another is everything is the same. that through the various changing forms, you understand how everything is the same. You have that experience. And another is how everything interpenetrates, one and many, found in different forms.

[26:42]

Anyway, each one of these gates we could talk about a long time or could be a particular practice. If you have some experience of your particularity or possessed of your particularity. Think that other people can't understand you. That you have to make some, explain something to other people for them to understand you. You won't understand anything, stones or trees or

[27:50]

you'll always feel romantically or aggressively separate from everything that you look at. You'll say, why can't I understand this? Why isn't this stream more beautiful? And you'll become depressed. If you know there's no absolute Buddha, 99% is the right answer. You'll know that how a person knows you is right. That everyone understands you. That what you know about someone else is the whole. And if you know that fully, Even your very, very, very best friend you only know part. And somebody you've just met once, you know only part. But actually, you know each equally well. If you act on completely what you know,

[29:19]

That's the whole thing. And they will have the experience that you know them completely. Except most of us are so threatened by being known. How would you have me say it?

[31:29]

You don't think so, do you? Okay. You know, she... There's a story about a ninja who killed a cat. Yeah, I've heard of it. Is that right? There is such a story. Yes, ma'am. And he did it while I'm... That was breaking news though. Yeah. Is that right? and he said not to kill him, and then he killed the cat. Mm-hmm. Well, was this person, um, um, was he risking anything when he killed the cat? Was he risking himself? Was he, when he killed the cat, was he, I know what you mean. He killed a cat. He broke up an unbreakable rule for someone else. Was he risking anything? That's what I think. Oh my gosh.

[33:04]

The reason that I want to know is because if he wasn't, then it didn't make any difference. It seems to me that the vow The vow means that you have to be able to not care if you're damned for what you do. Not care if you're damned for what you do? Well, maybe care, but do it anyway. Yeah, maybe that's true.

[34:08]

You have to have that much courage. Can you hear what she's saying? Shall I say? Are you finished? She asked if Nansen was risking anything when he killed the cat because he was breaking a precept. And she answered herself, saying he must have been risking something or it wouldn't have been any point, but maybe the vow means you're willing to be damned for what you do. Well, I think it's nice to say maybe. Oh, okay, definitely. No, I couldn't see the vow in any other way. How would you express it? I think what she said is enough. I don't have to add anything.

[35:45]

culture cannot be what? Is that what I said? When I was talking about hubris, you mean? As for what I said, it's not so important. I was talking about how the idea of hubris is has the idea that you can't, that there is a violation possible if you're out of scale with the movement of events, something like that. But in relation to what she said, and culture, if we take culture as what we're creating right now,

[37:39]

There's no... If you really are... know what detachment is, there are no precepts. There's no good or bad. There's no Zen Buddhism. It's our attachment which creates precepts, Zen Buddhism, good or bad. And if you are acting as Layman Pang says, in accord with events, with some harmony between subject and object, or what he means is that

[38:57]

entering all the mysterious gates in every action. Then each moment is some risk, actually. And what Nansen was risking was his monk. We should move. We should move. Do you want me to say we shouldn't move? What? Yeah. Yeah, he asked, why shouldn't we move? Or why should we not move? Why didn't you ask, how, what help, how can I not move?

[40:31]

Anyway, it's important to be willing to move. If you sit without moving, unwilling to move, that's something still. If you sit quite easily, not moving, but willing to move any moment, it's okay. And if you, when you're moving, you're quite willing to be still or quite still, Okay. To find moving and not moving is why we don't move. Because we only know moving. Because we want to know not moving, we don't move. And it's like a lover or something, not moving. You're scared of it, but it's some perfect embrace. Let yourself be known.

[42:07]

That's right. So whatever people know is okay. You don't have to be attached to being known or not known. You're already known, actually. And the way people treat us is one of us. one of that thing we are. So there's no need to have the feeling of hiding something. I'm not yet known or I haven't yet found myself. All those kinds of feelings.

[43:10]

Right now, you're known and finding yourself. And other people are with you. The more you can come to acting without restraint, you will experience our common body. I don't know, that sounds funny, but I don't know any other way to express it. You don't, there's no division, no feeling of division. No feeling of protecting yourself or caring or any reputation or any defenses. Just you experience exactly another person's laughter. So in this way, anyway, as I've been talking today, we should know our particularity.

[44:42]

This is the meaning of bodhisattva, you know, of our practice which can take any form, and our meditation which doesn't have any particular object. You know, as the sun shines in the Lotus Sutra—this is the understanding of the Lotus Sutra—as the sun shines, without object, or the third bhumi, the shining one, No purpose, just shining. And that activity is compassion. The big way we support everything. When you exist in a universe which isn't complete, and is changing, and has no limit, and in which your whole mind and body are arms, or ninety-nine percent. But that universality is found in the particular,

[46:10]

in each one of us as the Bodhisattva, all one Bodhisattva. You're one arm, you're three arms, you're one finger, you're the palm, that's it. That's all. There's no need to be anything else. you

[46:45]

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