Good morning, Green Gulch Farm. How's everybody feeling today? A little cold? Thanks for making the trip over the long road to sit here and be alive together for a little bit while we can to turn towards something important that we're not sure what it is but that's worth driving over the hill or maybe clicking on a link if you're online thank you for coming as well being part of this green gulch farm making this green gulch farm green dragon temple a place for the dharma

[01:13]

a lot of newer faces today. My name is Juryu. I'm the abbot here at Green Gulch. I'm not feeling great this morning. Unfortunately, for me, I made it for you. See? So usually, you know, when I'm not feeling so good, I think that clearly I'm not doing Zen correctly. I'm not doing life correctly. Do you know what I mean? Isn't that funny? Like, it's not enough, just enough. Right now, you know, I feel a little better, being with all of you. So now I'm thinking, no, maybe I'm doing some of this. So you have this feeling, you know, that when we're feeling good, we're doing it right. And when we're feeling bad, we're not doing it right. Does that sound right?

[02:18]

It's pretty bad, right? It's a pretty bad idea. It's a pretty bad idea. But it is persistent. So then we come here hoping to feel good. And often we do, because it's beautiful. And because the intention of coming here aligns our body and mind and how it somehow communicates something to ourselves about how we want to be, about that we are. And so we feel good sometimes when we practice. And that makes it a little bit confusing because then we think that the reason we practice is to feel good as opposed to the reason we practice being just to fully be alive however we are. So that's part of what I want to talk about today.

[03:23]

That really the fundamental point of Zen is not about like a Zen state. Maybe when people think about Zen, they think like, yeah, you get into like a Zen state, and it's nice, and you feel good, and then you know you're doing it right. So here's how Suzuki Roshi expresses something fundamental about Zen. He says, even though we are right in the middle of the woods, it is still hard to appreciate the feeling of the woods. we can really appreciate the feeling of the woods. That is zazen.

[04:24]

That's our meditation practice. So we're right in the middle of the woods and it's like we're not quite there. We don't really feel the feeling of being in the woods or we're with our loved ones and we're not quite there. We're not fully feeling that moment of being where we are and how we are. And so he says, even though we are right in the middle of the woods, it is still hard to appreciate the feeling of the woods. So our practice of meditation, of zazen, of zen generally, is the practice not of feeling some particular way or maintaining some particular state, but just when we're in the woods, really feeling the feeling of the woods. And when we're in the car, really feeling like, wow, I'm in a car. This is amazing, actually.

[05:26]

When we really connect with what it is, it's more than what we think, which is part of why we don't usually feel how we're feeling, because, like, well, I've been in the car before. It's just this inconvenient thing I have to do before I get to something else. So it's kind of not even worth feeling how it feels. But if you feel how it feels to be in the car, this is like, wow. How many people in the history of the world have been in a car? Not so many. It's wild. And what is that? And who am I? And what is it to be alive? It feels just like this. It feels like being in this car, you know, or being in this Zendo. So we feel always this, I don't know always, but often, too often maybe, we feel this little bit of disconnect, a little bit of separation from... from what we're doing and where we are. And then that doesn't feel quite right. We suffer from that. And then it makes it hard also to like respond fully and meet our life in those circumstances because we're not like fully there.

[06:29]

So the point is then is to just appreciate wherever we are while we're there. One way that I've been working with this and thinking about this is by emphasizing and expressing and practicing in myself this intention that Zen practice is about a posture. Zen practice is about a posture rather than a feeling. And that's working for me, that way of understanding. So I want to share it again this morning and see if it lands for you. Maybe refine my own understanding a little more as we go. So a posture is just how we meet wherever we are. A state or a feeling is like something about some result of something or something about where we are. But a posture is totally portable. The posture is just how we meet whatever is happening wherever we are.

[07:42]

No matter what internal state, no matter what external state, the practice is the kind of posture that we vow or aspire to care for while we meet our life in its many forms. So I've been asking myself this as I sit and as I just try to live my life with some intention to practice Zen. Is my practice, and if you're practicing Zen, you might ask yourself the same question, is your practice about creating a state, finding the Zen, or is your practice about tending to a posture? Maybe you can feel that difference. So it's posture that when I'm feeling very spacious and alive and open and good and in a beautiful place, then I can meet that with this posture, with a kind of posture of presence.

[08:52]

And then when I'm feeling constricted and unwell and in a very unpleasant place, then I can be tending to a posture that meets that. Does that make sense, that distinction? It's also convenient because we have a little bit more say over our posture than like over our coworkers or our family members or whatever. this is what I can work with isn't so much how I'm feeling and where I am but the posture that I'm taking and then just to flag a little problem here as I mentioned that confuses matters for us is that when we take this posture the posture of Zen which I want to talk about more this morning when we take the posture sometimes we start to feel good and

[10:03]

And that's almost, it's almost too bad. We take this posture, but the point of the posture wasn't to feel good. The point of the posture was to be fully alive in the place we're in so that we can be connected with our life and actually fully there for each other. But then we do that and then we feel a little bit better. And then we say, oh yeah, Zen is this thing that makes me feel better. And then we try to do some Zen to make us feel better as opposed to care for a posture. Maybe some of you know what I mean. Maybe all of you do. Okay, so I want to share this posture. Some of you have heard about these four points that I've been exploring, so forgive me for repeating them. And maybe for some of you, they'll be newer. So there's a lot of ways to talk about the posture that we take in Zen and a lot of different details. Sort of bottomless are ways that we can talk about the physical posture, the heart posture, the mind posture.

[11:13]

But there's four elements of the posture that I've been working on recently and finding very alive. So I want to share them. The first posture point... Maybe many of you who have heard me speak before know that I often emphasize this. It's important to me. This lower belly, low belly center. The low belly. We call it the hara. Suzuki Roshi says the tummy. The tummy. So it has these more formal names. You know, if you want to be dramatic, you can call it the tanden. You know, the field of elixir and the ocean of energy. Or you can call it the tummy. And the tummy, you know, that's the best. We can and in Zen are encouraged to just be the tummy.

[12:20]

Just be your tummy. Be in your tummy, your low belly center. And when I trained for a little while in Japan, this was one of the main things that was conveyed. And so people ask me, you know, is there some technique or is there some way to bring your energy and your life and your sense of being into your low belly? And I have no idea. I think that there's probably lots of people here who know some kind of tricks that you do to make that happen. All the teachers that I worked with, all he would do is almost every time you would meet him, he would punch his belly and he would say, only point here. And then you would leave. And try to point there. Try to be there, you know. And he would say, you know, nothing exists above your belly.

[13:22]

Which isn't true, but it's an interesting idea. You know, the breath, of course, the breath. We have the feeling of the breath. When it's natural and relaxed and easeful, the breath goes all the way down into the lower belly. Suzuki Roshi says this funny thing. He says, you know, it doesn't really. But it feels like it. It should feel like it. When the body's relaxed, the breath goes all the way down to the lower belly. And then it comes all the way out from the lower belly. That's like its natural home, its resting place. So when we encourage the breath to be in the low belly, we're not like telling it to do something it doesn't want to do. We're just sort of opening the door to its home and saying, hey, remember, you're welcome here anytime, you know? So we all can access this. It's not about some kind of subtle energetic thing.

[14:25]

It's just about a sense of, can you lower down with your breathing, with your postures? Zuki Roshi, our San Francisco Zen Center founder says, To gain strength in our posture, just press down slightly on the lower belly. There's a kind of groundedness, a sense of embodiment. And a sense of, you know, even the way we talk about like your gut feeling, there's a sense, just a fact of kind of intuition. Intuition as this belly embodiment. less confused, more connected and grounded belly center. So this is this first point of posture. And as I come into my posture, walking or sitting and try to apply my Zen practice in my everyday life, this is the first point that I'm trying to watch and care for is bring my attention to my low belly, my energy into my low belly.

[15:37]

And so I've been doing this gesture now and then. So you may see me walking around sometimes. And I just punched my lower belly a couple times. I was like, what is he doing? I showed this to some people, and they said, couldn't we just press on our lower belly? And I think that's good. That's good, too. Just kind of lightly press on your lower belly. Feel that warmth. Maybe breathe in your hand and your lower belly. And I exhale, you know, exhaling. Exhaling is a good way to really find that too, to kind of press a little forcefully past the end of the exhalation. And you might feel the slow belly engaged. You know, if there's one point of posture, it's a really important one.

[16:38]

that we could live our life relying more on this and less on our confused, discriminating mind. It would be kind of a leap of faith because we don't know how it's going to go because it doesn't know stuff like that. It doesn't know that there's a way, you know, doesn't know about later, unlike the mind. So it might be hard to trust, but it's worth giving a try, talking to your friend, From your belly. So that's this first posture point. That we. That centers around. So then the second point. Is the spine. The spine. So we're in this deep root. In the lower belly. And from that. That. Sasaki Rinpoche calls that low belly, he says, it's like the bedrock under Manhattan Island.

[17:42]

Is there a bedrock? It must be. All the way down, this kind of all the way out and down. It's beautiful. Even if we can't feel that, you know, there's some sort of sense, even when just in our little way of touching the belly, we feel like, oh, there's a lot of ground here, actually, more than we know. So from that solid ground, then, this spine grows. And it's upright. So that's the second posture point is this upright spine. So Suzuki Roshi says, you should be sitting straight up as if you were supporting the sky with your head. And then he adds, this is not just a form or breathing. It expresses the key point of Buddhism. It is a perfect expression of your Buddha nature. So to care for this point of our posture is to find that upright spine.

[18:48]

Often we talk of feeling a kind of pull up from the back of the top of the head. For many of us, it means bringing the chin in a little bit. And when the chin is out, the spine collapses and the mind starts wandering. So the chin may be in a little bit Up from the top of the back of the head. For some of us, rolling the belly forward a little bit to find the natural curve at the base of the spine. And supporting the sky. With our head. Upright spine. So it's funny. He says that this is a perfect, just be upright in this way. is the perfect expression of your Buddha nature. It's a weird statement. I thought there would be more to it. It's like all these volumes of texts, you know, on Buddhism, and who knew the perfect expression was just this upright spine.

[19:52]

So maybe that's a good question we could ask ourselves. Is this upright spine, in what sense is this upright spine, the perfect expression of Buddha nature? And he's saying, you know, it's not just form or breathing. It's not just that it's a very beautiful and stable and comfortable way to be. There's something very noble. Is that a funny word? There's something noble, you know, about the upright spine. There's something, I don't know, a little bit audacious or something. It's like a declaration of really being here. There's a kind of confidence in it. And when Kiroshi says this is about expressing our Buddha nature, it's not the confidence of like, look at me, I have skills and intelligence. It's the confidence of I am life itself.

[20:56]

Just like everything else. You know, that kind of confidence. And taking our place in that. I'm not like a... an accident or some kind of tangential thing. There's like the universe, and then there's this little growth on the universe, you know, which was me. Buddhism, there's a beautiful teaching in the Hawaiian, the Hawaiian school, the Avatamsaka school. They say each particle, each thing has the total causal power for the whole cosmos. It's a cool expression, total causal power. Like each blade of grass is the thing that causes the whole universe to be There's nothing, that's like just a very kind of extension of this profound teaching of interdependence. Things actually do not exist without each other. And it's not like, well, yeah, we need some of the things. We need all of the things and all of the things need us. And as Norman Fisher recently said, which just keeps coming up for me, you know, you're not on the earth, you are the earth.

[22:04]

so obvious and profound but we think we're kind of like so we sort of hunch over because we don't want to take up too much space you know but you are the reason that there is a cosmos you know like so we sit upright like I'm here I belong this is my birthright not because I'm doing a good job or something according to somebody but because because I am I am this I'm part of this the Buddha said it maybe a little too strongly, right when he was born, remember? He took seven steps and pointed up and down and said, I alone in heaven and earth am the world-honored one. It's like I have total causal power for the cosmos. You might feel that, you know, you could try it now.

[23:05]

If you take your upright spine, there's a little bit of like, it's a kind of a full expression of our being, of taking the space that's ours. I think it's a very important point. Also, this upright spine is still, it has still quality because it's not leaning forward, trying to get stuff. It's not leaning back trying to get away from stuff. It's just balanced and upright and welcoming, whatever it is. So this upright spine is fundamental. So the way I've been reminding myself of this posture point is inhaling and bringing my hand up my center. Come on, Jiryu. Fine. Up, up, up.

[24:06]

And there's always a little up. Amazing. Then when you're upper right, then you can become a little more upright. So inhaling, bring my hand up. Okay. So now I'm grounded and upright. Now there's two more points I want to talk about. The third is a clear mind. Sort of want to say an empty mind. I'm going to go for it. An empty mind. I don't like to be someone who would say you should have an empty mind. So I'm sorry to be that person. Because then it seems like, well, some people are good at having an empty mind, but I'm not so good at having an empty mind. So I guess I can't do Zen, which is not the point at all. Also, there's thoughts. There's no problem with thoughts, really. You know, to say, like, for Zen, it's important to have an empty mind, because a little bit, it's giving thoughts more power than they really need.

[25:18]

So I have this feeling, like, I wish there wasn't a problem with thinking, because I want to just have this all-inclusive, very compassionate feeling towards everything that arises. And I do practice that. And I want to have that towards thoughts. But then I study my own life and I feel like, wow, these thoughts really are not helping my life at all. I really should just stop having them. And then that's too much. So I'm sorry to have said so. But we can study, you know, how our thinking actually, when our mind is clear and empty, are we able to be more fully alive? So Suzuki Roshi uses this funny image. Basically, he expresses that there is not any problem with thinking. There's no problem with our thoughts. He says, while we're using them, they are important. So while we're using the thoughts, they're important. So maybe this morning you had a thought, which you may or may not be regretting right now.

[26:27]

I think I'll go to Green Gulch. Or I think I'll check the... then send her podcasts. So you had this thought, and that was an important thought that was useful. It was just part of the natural unfolding of your life. So he says the thoughts are important while we're using them. And he uses this kind of metaphor of having a meal. He says after you eat, the table might be covered in wrappers and cans, which is just a hilarious image because I think of Suzuki Roshi as a very kind of... Heidi and serious person. And then he talks about, you know, after you eat the day, I'd be covered with wrappers and cans. I mean, what are you eating? What kind of meal? So I guess he just, you know, it was like the day off and he went crazy Whole Foods and had all this stuff and cans and wrappers. And he says all of that was, the wrappers were important.

[27:28]

So I went to the store and I got my sandwich and it was wrapped in paper. And that was great that they wrapped it in paper. And now that's an important paper. While I'm using it, it's important. I can now bring the sandwich home, unwrap the sandwich. I enjoy it. So he says, it wasn't rubbish while you were using it. But now it's kind of rubbish. Now it's just messing up the table and you've eaten the sandwich. So he says, we have to clear our table. we have to keep clearing the table. I think that's an interesting way to think about, to relate to thoughts. So to have the right thought when we need it is good. But when the thoughts kind of stay around after we don't need them anymore, like, I'm sure you have many examples of the thoughts you don't need anymore that's still around, some kind of sandwich wrapper from like...

[28:30]

25 years ago. It was so sort of stuck to the table. You clean this part. You know, this part's nice and clean. You put like a magazine over it. Or, you know, the thoughts that come like before we need them. So the thought that's there after we need it or before we need it. And it really is just in the way. So when we say clean our mind, clear our mind, or clean the table, it's not just because we want... There's a reason, and here's the reason. He says, because we have so much useless rubbish in our mind, because of this, then when we are right in the middle of the woods, we cannot appreciate the feeling of the woods. And you can study this in your actual life. You don't have to make thoughts into the enemy, but you can study, when I'm in the middle of the woods, and my mind is not clear,

[29:35]

I have all these thoughts about stuff that isn't here. It's actually hard to appreciate the feeling of being in the woods. So it's not just we think there's something in itself important about having an empty mind. It's that there's something important about being where we are. And it seems like having a bunch of rubbish in our mind doesn't help us with that. Interferes with that. So he says, we sit zazen in order to empty our mind. We can sit in zazen posture with an empty mind, but there is some technique or explanation needed in order to do this. The purpose of our practice is to open up our mind. You must open it like you open a tin can. You must cut hard and open the tin so that you can eat what's in it. So this clearing, I like this image of clearing the mind, like with opening the tin can.

[30:37]

You have to push kind of hard, you know, unless you have one of those electric things so that you can eat what's inside, which is like so that you can be where you are. So clearing the mind, you know, and it's not like we have to then keep the mind clear and don't let anything into the mind. It's just that we clear the table. We just clear the table. So there's a great ease in our posture. Everything is welcome. The thoughts come, thoughts go. We don't need to block them. But we just need to keep clearing the table. So a good way to clear the table is to concentrate on a single point of our breath. So Suzuki Roshi also talks about this beautiful moment. beyond the end of the exhalation. So sometimes he encourages us to breathe all the way out. And the mind can just focus completely on the breath flowing out.

[31:41]

And then beyond the end of the exhalation, there's a perfect calmness or stillness of mind. And then we inhale for An inhalation is received, which is the next amazing thing that happens. We come to life by some power that's not our own. But so this clearing the mind, one way to kind of rest down hard on that can to open it, to clear the mind so that we can be where we are, is to just breathe out with a lot of concentration. So I've been doing this to care for this third posture point, which is, Snap out of it, you'll clear your mind. So I've been doing this. I close my eyes and I bring my hand down. It's just like wipe it. We also have the image of wipe the mirror. You know, the dust is always falling on the mirror. We're always wiping the mirror. So I close my eyes, just like, come on, clear your mind. Yeah, bring down my hand and I'm just concentrating on the out breath.

[32:50]

You can do this, you know. All of us know how to concentrate. I'm not good at concentrating. We know how to concentrate. you can concentrate. You just put your mind totally on the breath, just one breath. So breathing out and bringing the hand down slowly as the breath comes out. Just letting the mind go to a single point on the breath. And as I exhale here, I bring my fingertips together, my thumb and my finger together just to give another point of Just total focus, single-pointed focus. It's like scrubbing. It's like getting the scrubby pad on the table, you know, all the slime from the sandwich. It's like you got to scrub a little. So really focus in that way. So that's how I take care of that third posture point for a minute. Just one breath. Clear the mind. Wipe it clean. So then there's grounded, solid belly, and there's upright spine.

[33:57]

And then the mind comes down into one point, you know, eyes are closed. And then there's this fourth vital point, which I'm expressing to myself by opening my eyes and opening my arms and taking in the whole right field and then coming into my mudra. We'll do that together in a minute. Like, it gets me every time. So, we're using this upright, this grounded upright and clear mind, we're using it to, not to like go into some concentrated state, but to open, to open to what's here, to welcome this, this ungraspable, wide, bright field of being alive inside and outside. We're not doing anything.

[35:05]

This practice is called, you know, shikantasa is just sitting here. We're being still in this brightness. There's nothing that we need to do in this practice other than sit still and clear in this way and then just open to what's here. Allow everything to be exactly as it is. Welcome everything. Give everything its own space and its own life. It's a very loving thing to say everything is just welcome here, just as it is. I'm not messing with anything right now. Not messing with anything. Everything is seen and heard and allowed. try this together so um oh is that okay we do these gestures um

[36:35]

You ready for activity? Okay, so exhaling, maybe place your hand on your belly or punch your belly a couple times. Exhaling, feel that ground. Then inhaling, bring your hand up. Bring the spine upright. Okay, for your eyes to be closed. Spine upright, maybe the chin in. Pulling up from the top of the back of the head. Really taking your place. Now bringing the palm over the face. Clear the mind. Just focus on that out-breath. The mind coming into a single point. No thought, just a breath. And inhaling, opening the eyes. putting the arms to take in the whole field. Your friends will forgive you for taking your place.

[38:11]

Do you know what I mean? Is there any reason not to just stay in that posture forever? So where does it start to collapse? That's the fascinating thing that having these four points has supported me to study. the problem with just staying here grounded in the belly and upright and clear and open okay can we do it one more time i'm not trying to control you i just i i'm grateful to have brought this into my body, and it's helping me, and I think maybe it'll help somebody, and if it doesn't, then maybe it'll forgive me anyway.

[39:35]

So, okay, exhaling, find the low belly. Inhaling, extend the spine. Exhaling, closing your eyes, just a single point. perfect calm beyond the end of the exhalation, nothing in the mind. Inhaling, opening the arms, opening the eyes, and just welcoming the whole field of brightness without doing anything to it. we're tending all four of these.

[40:54]

There's joy in the tending. It's not about getting it right. It's about, oh, I can take care of these four things. And we can study how they interrelate. So part of what I've noticed as I just sit in this posture is usually when I start thinking about something, my eyes kind of close. I lose my contact with the room. You know what I mean? Like I stop feeling the feeling of being in the woods, of being where I am. And then I realize, oh, that keeping the mind clear is really important support for this wide, warm welcoming of everything that's here. Or sometimes... I get concentrated and clear. Like, oh, this is good.

[41:56]

I'm really meditating. I'm so concentrated. But I have no idea what I'm in the woods. I hope I'm not in the car. I don't know. So it's like, well, that's like three or four doesn't cut it. Three out of four doesn't cut it. That's not the posture. It's not about concentration. I'm like, God, I'm so concentrated. My mind is totally clear. It's okay. Now, what about this other point? What was that clarity of mind for? It was for me being... wide open with no idea receiving this this being alive or the spine you know the spine collapses and then the thinking starts and then the wide welcoming collapses as well I'm feeling inspired to attend to these four posture elements.

[42:56]

And, you know, it's not that I'm expressing something profound about our understanding about what our life is. So I say, you know, I'm welcoming everything that's here in this field. not knowing what it is, not thinking, but grounded and upright and clear-minded. I'm welcoming this whole field. You know, it was already welcome before I did that. It's not like I'm not doing something that's not already true. I'm joining something that's more true than I know. Everything is already welcome, totally. So I do this like, I say welcome to it. as a kind of gesture, you know, a ceremony of the way that everything is profoundly welcome and grounded and itself and clear.

[44:05]

be the last thing I'll say, and I appreciate everybody's time, is that, you know, if you try out this posture, you might find that you develop some faith in meeting your life with this posture. Again, it might seem like that's fine for the zendo, but I can't just, like, change my whole strategy of being alive and adopt this new posture as opposed to my other posture, whichever that was, you know, that one maybe or that one or whichever one, whichever your preferred posture, ingrained posture. So to say, well, can I live not so much with a clear mind, not really knowing what things are and being grounded and upright and trusting this intuitive wisdom. And just welcoming everything that arises.

[45:22]

Could you pause? We could count for a minute and then we say, this is kind of nice. And you could get used to it. It's satisfying. And then sometimes you might feel like, but my body still hurts. And my life is still, you know, a mess. But still, isn't it a nice way to be alive? Doesn't it help a little bit? Isn't it better than the alternative? Anybody have any comment or any observation about practicing these four points? I recently was at Tassajara that Mako, who is the city center abbot, but who is spending the summer at Tassajara, was away. And so I was going over these four points with people there, and then in the zendo, I was,

[46:26]

delighted to see people were doing, you know, people were doing this in Zazen. And it felt like a practical joke on Mako. She's going to come back and everybody doing Zazen, you know, we're kind of supposed to be still doing Zazen. But then every few minutes, people were like... Which I thought was actually quite wonderful. It's like, come on, we have to tend to this posture. We don't just coast on the posture. So, if you're a tasahara, I think it's okay to do that. But just so that you know, in a formal Zendo, and so maybe we could do this actually just quickly. We have about five more minutes. So let's try doing it without the gestures. So we're just with the Brita, but without the gestures, so... Also, like at work, you know, it might be awkward if you're doing these four things.

[47:29]

But it might be helpful to everybody. Stop the train for a minute. Okay, so breathing out, low belly engaged. Breathing in, extending the spine up. Taking your place in here. Breathing out, closing the eyes, just scrubbing the mind clean for a moment. Mind just fused to that out-breath, to that point of stillness beyond the end of the exhalation. And breathing in, opening the eyes. I don't need to look at anything, just opening the eyes, all of light. And sound and sensation is totally welcome, embraced included, the way this moment actually feels, just as it is.

[48:45]

So you could do those four and the eno wouldn't even notice. But you'd maybe be tending to the zazen posture. Any comment or observation? Thank you for everything. But not bad. And I've been thinking a lot about the ease of presence with everything that feels good or neutral. And I'm sure this has been talked about quite a bit, but being truly present when something feels really deeply hard. What does that actually mean?

[49:52]

yeah, what does that look like? I know what it looks like, but I think the pressure point or the challenge I find is this notion of presence as liberating. And I guess one could think about it as like, well, you're not projecting a story onto that difficult moment. Maybe that's liberation. But Yeah, presence in challenge is really what I'm looking at. Like, what's so great about being present when you're having a hard time? Not so much about what's so great about being present, because I do think it's really great. I think it's really important. How do you not veer into the feelings of, wow, being present in this really hard thing, It's really hard. And that's okay.

[50:55]

What's the sort of language one might use with themselves? Thank you. Yeah, it's really hard. It's really hard to be present. And that's okay. Thank you. I want to make a little distinction. Not that it's hard to be present. It's hard to be present. It's hard to find the bounty of presence in a moment that feels really changed. Absolutely, yeah. So part of what's wonderful about the, you know, again, these are the presence or say becoming one or welcoming everything or being grounded. are all things that we're kind of gesturing towards, but they're not things, you don't like make yourself one with everything. You already were one with everything because nothing was separate.

[51:58]

So then you're sort of opening to that as a kind of celebration or gesture of, or reminder of. So there's something about our practice that is not about the result. It's about the effort that you're making, this process of aligning with your aspiration. And so we talk about merit, or there's this great value in just that you're making some effort to align with this faith, with these things that you know deeply. It's worthwhile to be kind, and it's worthwhile to be present. And sometimes it's really hard to make those efforts when things are hard, and then it might not... yield much either it's like I just tried really hard and I still wasn't really present or kind or whatever but the sense of the value of the effort so I think if we're valuing like the outcome it's harder to have patience for when it's hard and when it's inaccessible even so I think that's a way to encourage ourselves that just making this effort is important is satisfying

[53:10]

even just a little bit of effort, you know, towards fulfilling our values or what's important to us when it's difficult to do so. In terms of merit, you know, the merit is much greater, actually. The transformative effort is is called forth from this difficulty. I want to, okay. Sure. You asked, why aren't we always in this open, wonderful state?

[54:13]

Posture. Posture, I'm sorry, yes. And what came to my mind immediately was reticence, sleepiness. And maybe those are difficult challenges that I could just make an effort about being open to reticence and sleepiness. But somehow, it's confusing. Thank you. The safety is right there. Yeah, please investigate that. And you'll be grounded and upright. clear-minded and open and feel like I'm reticent and sleepy and my body hurts and I don't really want to be where I am. And lots of things I don't like about the current moment. You know, there's something there. It's not about overcoming the sleepiness or the reticence.

[55:13]

It's about being fully alive in it, really feeling how that feels. because that's where our life is in that moment. That is an important question. Thank you very much. Okay. You know, it's not that this isn't incredibly valuable, but for those of us who only think about Gaza right now, It's very hard for me today to kind of say that while we're experiencing a genocide in our own time, to only focus on the presence of our own posture or openness, etc. So I feel obliged to offer this sense of compassion to those who are truly suffering in the world.

[56:14]

as we have this privilege of being here. Thank you. So we dedicate the merit. This posture is based on our vow. And this posture emerges from the wisdom that reactive, closed humans and cause profound suffering, and that if we can ground our life in some deeper and truer way, we can more fully express the compassion and the connection that we are. So this practice is coming from and is moving towards love.

[57:16]

And any good that comes from it is offered to liberation from suffering of everyone who is suffering. And we take up this posture so that we can respond in our life. It's a posture of responsiveness, responsive connection. So thank you so much for bringing that suffering here. that is part of the context and part of the stakes of our finding a way to be in harmony and fully alive with each other wherever we are.

[57:59]

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