This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. So impressed by your fortitude and sincerity. It makes me feel like You're requesting something of me this morning, and I'll try to honor that request. And this inmost request is what we're here to honor with everything that we do in the temple. It's called The Window is Open to Our True Life, or Bodhicitta. heart of the bodhisattva.

[01:03]

You know, I really tried to develop a lecture for this morning. I studied, I thought, I considered, I questioned, and in the face of the events of this week, I couldn't come up with any talk that would make sense. So, as you know, a week ago in Newtown, in Stony Hook, a very young man shot and killed many, many people, teachers and students, little kids. And the images of those teachers and the little kids keep flashing in front of my eyes. One of the parents said, the sky is weeping.

[02:12]

And so my question is, this is the holiday season, you know, Hanukkah and Christmas and Kwanzaa and other holidays, many holidays happen at this time. And they're all about touching something vital and important in us. But my question is, my real question is, something like this affects all of us. How do we restore our innocence? How do we restore ourselves? How do we heal? How do we, is it possible to heal from something like this? And so I thought, well, you know, Zen practice, Buddhist practice, is supposed to be about relieving suffering. This is suffering.

[03:15]

Can my practice relieve this? Can our practice relieve this? That would be a test. And then I thought that nothing contrived could possibly touch this pain. So if we do anything that is made up or heady, it will not touch this pain. And what can we do? It's at times like this when I look at the basic teachings, the most basic teachings, and one of the first and most basic teachings, the first teaching that the Buddha taught, was the Four Noble Truths.

[04:33]

The Buddha said, that we tend to either work very hard and be ascetic and annihilate our work towards self-immolation or self-annihilation, or that we slack off and work towards self-immolation. reinforcement. And so what is the middle way between these two extremes? The extremes of going down under the pain or ignoring it and pretending that nothing is wrong. He taught that give rise to this pain, is that we wish, we want, we hope, we expect that life will be a different way, that we'll get what we want, that all children will grow up happy, that what we don't want will happen,

[06:12]

You know, that will not happen, that we'll somehow manage to avoid the stresses and strains of modern life creating craziness in people. Or that what we want won't come to an end. You know, we somehow believe that. We somehow... think that or hope that, even if we don't think it consciously, that it's encoded in our bodies that things will be the way we want them to be and won't be the way that we don't want them to be. We somehow think that. And because we do, when things are different from that, when things are radically different from that and hurtfully different from that, we get traumatized. And that there is actually that this kind of suffering has a beginning, a middle, and an end.

[07:22]

And the end to suffering is practice. The eightfold path. Starting with right for you, which is where I want to start. And that that practice, that our practice can restore our our appreciation. By innocence, I mean spontaneous appreciation of life. That's in which we're not trapped by our reactions to suffering. That all of meditation is the restoration of our innocence or appreciation of life. And that perhaps this season in which We light candles to express our light, the light of existence, in which Christians and Buddhists who believe that Jesus Christ was a bodhisattva, an awakening being, can think about the image of Christ as a child, as a newborn child, in the arms of compassion.

[08:43]

coming to life. I just want to take a moment to remember these children and these adults, and I don't know if you've read their descriptions. I went on the internet and found words about these people, and if it's okay with you, I would like to remember their names. Charlotte Bacon, born February 20, 22, 2006, was remembered as a spirited, warm-hearted little girl who loved the color pink and any animal she met. Daniel Barden, born September 25, 2005, was described

[09:44]

Everyone who has ever met Daniel remembers and loves him. Words really cannot express what a special boy Daniel was, such a light. Smiling, polite, affectionate, fair, so thoughtful towards others, imaginative in play, both intelligent and articulate in conversation. He embodied everything that is wholesome and innocent in the world. Rachel Devino, born July 17, 1983, was a behavioral therapist employed at Sandy Hook Elementary and will never know that her boyfriend, Anthony Serratelli, planned to propose to her on Christmas Eve. Her friend Lisa said that Rachel was an exemplary individual, especially caring for children with special needs. And Lisa said, According to Lisa, the police told Rachel's family that she shielded a student when the shooting came.

[11:05]

Olivia Engel, born July 18, 2006, was remembered by her godparents as loving purple and bringing joy. They said she had an infectious giggle. She laughed loudest at her own jokes and loved to sail over the waves in a boat. She was going to be the angel in St. Rose of Lima's Christmas Eve pageant this year. Josephine Gay, December 11, 2005, was remembered by her parents as sent to Earth to teach them about life. They smiled and laughed as they recalled the lessons their daughter taught them. Through Josephine, known as Joey, they learned not to give up on people, that iPhones are not waterproof, and every cupcake needs a taste tester.

[12:09]

They remembered finding peanut butter-covered spoons in many locations throughout their house because of her affinity for peanut butter. They pointed out that she preferred the regular kind of peanut butter, not the organic one. Every mouthful needed a new spoon. Ana Marquez Green, April 4, 2006. She was a loving and spunky kid. who loved to sing and to dance. Dylan Hockley, March 8, 2006, blue-eyed, first grader. He loved trampolines, plain spaghetti with garlic bread, and purple. He was six and three-quarters and autistic, and he was the child killed in the arms of his special education teacher, Anne-Marie Murphy. Dawn Hawksprung. She was the principal who devoted her life to helping students as an educator.

[13:15]

And so she heard the sound of gunshots and sprang from a conference room and confronted the shooter head on. Madeline Hsu, July 10, 2006. She was among the youngest kids who was killed. And Karen Dreyer was one of the neighbors of the family and called Madeline Maddie and remembered her as wearing bright, flowery dresses that matched her personality. She shared a ride to school with Karen's five-year-old son. Upbeat and kind, sweet and beautiful. Catherine Hubbard, June 8, 2006. Um... The family was very private and only said, we are greatly saddened by the loss of our beautiful daughter. Our thoughts and prayers are with the other families affected by this tragedy.

[14:18]

Chase Kowalski, October 31st, 2005. An amazing son, brother, grandson, heart filled with love for the people he touched. fun-loving, energetic, true love of life. Okay, I'm going to take a break here because this is very intense. I'd like to talk a little bit about the difference between the innocence of children and the innocence of grown-ups. The innocence of children comes because there's a lot that kids don't know about the world. Could you please check Would somebody be kind enough to check on the mother with the child who just left and make sure she's okay? Thank you. So the innocence of children comes because they don't know a lot about the world.

[15:25]

And so their spontaneousness, their free-flowing creativity can just come forth. and all we have to do is take care of them. You know that feeling that when a child is born, and they put the child in your hands, and the immediate response is, I'll do anything for you, baby. I'll do anything for you. This is the closest thing to the bodhisattva mind that we experience in everyday life. I'll just say the names of the other kids without saying too much about them because it is very, very painful. Jesse Lewis, June 30, 2006. James Mattioli, March 22, 2006. Grace McDonald, McDonald, November 4, 2005.

[16:31]

Anne-Marie Murphy, July 25, 1960, teacher who was holding one of the special needs boys. Emily Parker, May 12, 2006. Jack Pinto. I do have to read the letter from his friend. Jack, you are my best friend. We had fun together. I will miss you. I will talk to you in my prayers. I love you, Jack. Love, John. Noah Posner, November 20th, 2006. Carolyn Previti, September 7th, 2006. Jessica Rakos, May 10th, 2006. Aviel Richmond, October 17th, 2006. Lauren Rousseau, June of 1982, Teacher's Aid. Mary Sherlock, February 11, 1956.

[17:35]

The other, she was the school psychologist who threw herself into danger to save the kids. Victoria Soto, November 4, 1985. Benjamin Wheeler, September 12, 2006. Allison Wyatt, July 3, 2006. So those are the names of the and teachers who die. So, the difference between the innocence of a kid and an adult is that a kid doesn't know. And an adult who knows the pain of the world, who has no shielding from the pain of the world, uses the pain of the world as the outlines of the appreciation of life.

[18:43]

Does that make sense to you? Like a stained glass window in which, you know, we think of the letting. It's such a gray and dull color. But because of the letting, when the light shines through the window, it has structure. and beauty. It allows us to feel the poignancy of our wish for real peace in the world, for complete peace in the world, to take on the responsibility of creating that peace and being that peace for people. This is the bodhisattva vow. This is the vow to wake up for the benefit of all beings. There is no meaning in a tragedy like the one that occurred. There is no meaning in it except for what we do.

[19:46]

Even the Buddha can't make up a meaning that's different from what So... I'll tell you what the families of Sandy Hook are doing right now. In the paper and online, in the different news stories, they are preparing to have Christmas. They're putting wreaths and remembering... their kids, and from their broken heart are trying to find a celebration that is big enough to enclose their pain. How can we help them do that? You know, what can we do?

[20:59]

How can we celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, the the innocence of Christmas, the giving and kind spirit of Christmas, the loyalty, community, integrity of Kwanzaa, the bravery and miraculous light of Hanukkah. How can we bring those qualities to life in such a manner that they can hold even this pain? The Zen teaching of this is incredibly simple. Zen doesn't try to stop the pain. You know, Ehe Dogen, the founder of our school in Japan, said in the Genjo Koan, flowers fall with our attachment. Weeds spring up with our aversion.

[22:02]

All we can do is feel the truth of this. And understand that our desire to wake up and our desire to live in peace and harmony with all beings is even deeper than anything that occurs. Can you feel that in yourself? Even deeper than that is our desire to wake up and live in peace together for the benefit of all beings. And this pain that feels like it will tear us apart is what allows that bodhisattva intention to shine in a more complete way. It's not a meaning of the pain. It's a function of the pain. Suzuki Roshi talked about attachment and non-attachment. Dogen Zenji said,

[23:04]

Even though it is midnight, dawn is here. Even though dawn comes, it's nighttime. This kind of statement conveys the understanding transmitted from Buddha to the ancestors, from the ancestors to Dogen and to us. Nighttime and daytime are not different. The same thing is sometimes called nighttime, sometimes called daytime. They are one thing. Dogen Zenji said, commenting on the Genja Koan, although everything has Buddha nature, we love flowers and we don't love weeds. This is true of humans, human nature. But that we are attached to beauty, to innocence, to love, to life, to continuity, is itself Buddha's activity. That we do not care for weeds, for obstacles, for pain, for suffering, for random violence, is also Buddhist activity.

[24:16]

We need to know that down to our very core. If we know that, it's okay to attach to something. It's okay to love. If it is Buddha's attachment, that means knowing and accepting the full range of what is. That is non-attachment. So in love, there must be hate or non-attachment. And in hate, there must be love or acceptance. Don't necessarily call it hate. I call it non-attachment. But he used the word hate, aversion. like disgust, upeksha. The root of upeksha or equanimity is actually a word that means disgust or turning away from. So that's what he means. Love and hate are one thing. Don't attach to love alone.

[25:21]

Accept hate. Accept weeds despite how we feel about them. Accept them. If you do not care for them, don't love them. If you do love them, then love them. So what he says is our feelings and our life together is Buddha's activity. You know, that we have the wide view that in everything is its opposite, but also everything is itself. And he says, usually we criticize ourselves for being unfair to our surroundings. We criticize our unaccepting attitude. But there is a very subtle difference between the usual way of accepting and our, the practitioner's way of accepting things, though they may seem exactly the same. We have been taught that there is no gap between nighttime and daytime, no gap between you and I, which means oneness.

[26:28]

But we do not emphasize even oneness. If there is one, there is no need to emphasize one. Accept things just as they are. This is how we understand everything. This is how we live in this world. This kind of experience is something beyond our thinking. Emotionally, we have a problem, but this problem is not ultimately or actually a problem, but something created or that comes to be comes from our ideas, our views, our wishes, our hopes, our dreams, our aversions, and so on. Because we single out something, problems exist, and now we can see there isn't any alternative to singling something out.

[27:32]

There isn't any alternative to hating what happened. But our acceptance has to be even deeper than that, to take care of the... people of the world. He says, happiness is sorrow. Sorrow is happiness. There is happiness in difficulty, difficulty in happiness. Even though the ways we feel are different, they are not really different. In essence, they are the same. This is the true understanding transmitted from Buddha to us. So, you know, I couldn't find a poem today. The only thing I could find was my grown-up Christmas list, which is a song that is a little too hard for me to sing.

[28:34]

Does anybody else know it besides me? me I sat upon your knee wrote to you with childhood fantasies well I'm all grown up now can you still help somehow I'm not a child but my heart still can dream So here's my lifelong wish. My grown-up Christmas list, not for myself, but for a world in need. No more lives torn apart that wars would never start.

[29:42]

That time would heal all hearts. Everyone would have a friend. Right would always win. Love would never end. This is my grown-up Christmas list. As children, we believe the grandest sight to see was something lovely wrapped beneath a tree. But heaven only knows that packages and bows can never heal a hurting human soul. What is this illusion called the innocence of youth? Maybe only in that blind belief can we ever find the truth. No more lives torn apart

[30:45]

That wars would never start. That time would heal all hearts. Everyone would have a friend. Right would always win. Love would never end. This is my grown-up Christmas list. This is my grown-up Christmas list. This is my only lifelong wish. This is my grown-up Christmas list. Okay? That's the song. Isn't that a cool song for this occasion? So I guess I want to ask you, not everybody here was raised Christian. Some people like me were raised Jewish. Some people were raised Buddhist. People were raised in all sorts of ways. If you have a grown-up Christmas wish that would help ease the the pain of this week.

[31:48]

I wonder if you'd be willing to reveal it and if the other people in the room might repeat it when you hear it. Is there someone who has one? Anyone have a wish? Did you hear? Let's repeat it a couple times. For people to enjoy taking care of themselves. For people to enjoy taking care of themselves. For people to enjoy taking care of themselves. Yeah. May those in need have what they need.

[32:48]

May those in need have what they need. May those in need have what they need. Any others? Acceptance of the unacceptable realities of life for those who are grieving. Acceptance of the unacceptable realities of life for those who are grieving. Acceptance of the unacceptable realities of life for those who are grieving. that all may bear their suffering with ease, that all may bear their suffering with ease, that all may bear their suffering with ease.

[33:56]

Then Suzuki Roshi's, that he says, the very end of this Zen mind, beginner's mind, Before the rain stops, we hear a bird. Even under the heavy snow, we see snowdrops and some new growth. So I guess that the rain brings flowers is Suzuki Roshi's wish. That the rain brings flowers. That the rain brings flowers. Thank you so much for being willing to hear this presentation horrible painful truth and to consider what about life is truly important so important and valuable that it helps us not only bear the unbearable but also to find the flowers that grow from the rain thank you so much

[35:23]

Please help us to continue to realize and actualize the practice of giving by offering your financial support. For more information, visit sfzc.org and click Giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[35:51]

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