Oh, this is Tim. Could I ask a question? Oh, I can't hear you. Sorry. Tim, we were just going to sit for a few minutes, but if you have something now, of course. Did you get the book? I did. Thank you. Okay. Just checking. Okay. Okay. See you in a few. Be right back. Yeah. Oh, good evening again.

[02:02]

Welcome. Welcome anyone who's new to this gathering. We've been doing this now for, believe it or not, a few years. And time has just become very strange. I don't know if it's my age or just time is really strange anyway. So it's particularly strange in the monastery. All of us are like, huh, is it going fast? Is it going slow? You know, the days are quite long. We get up early. And the day ends quite a bit later, and there's a schedule that's pretty steady throughout the day. So the days seem very, very long, whereas now it seems as though the weeks are beginning to move through really, really fast. So we're getting closer. We're about two-thirds of the way through the practice period. And it's incredibly beautiful right now. We finally... have real fall colors. So all the trees at Tassajara have just turned gold in the last few days.

[03:06]

And walking around is really like an enchanted forest of these gold leaves and they're all over the tables in the courtyard and the ground and the pathways are just like yellow brick road. It looks very mythic and very beautiful. So We're sitting a lot. People sit about four to five hours a day, which is a very nice thing to have expected of you. You know, it's one thing if you were trying to do that by yourself. I think that's very rare that anyone would sit that much. But because we're doing it together and because that's the schedule, it's just part of the rhythm of our time here. As we spend quite a bit of time in the Zendo, we eat our meals in the Zendo. We sit in the morning. And then, you know, we work in the afternoon, go to the bathhouse, which is a really nice treat. It's chilly. It's gotten quite cold. So, you know, it's really wonderful to get into the plunge, which is around 108 to 110.

[04:06]

So, yeah, all in all, the pattern and rhythm of life down here has become familiar again. You know, I lived here for three years, a long time ago, maybe 35 years ago. So coming back, even though the stones are still where they were and the trees have gotten bigger, but the familiarity of the schedule has started to resettle in my memory. So anyway, I'm appreciating it a lot. And this may be the last time I do a practice period at Tassajara, so I'm also savoring how special that is to be able to do this one more time. So I wanted to talk today a little bit about what we've been studying. I've been so immersed in the topics of the practice period, and I was thinking I was going to move on in the transmission of light, which I will.

[05:07]

In fact, our next meeting, which is December, December 4th, I plan to spend talking about Ru Jing, Dogen's teacher. But I thought... I would just let you know what we've been studying here, because that's pretty much what's been on my mind for particularly the last five days of the session. So I give talks every day of session. So now I've done 10 talks and I have another six to go for the Rohatsu session. So it's pretty much what I do with my time is spend it at this desk trying to. conjure up things that I might say that could be of some help for the folks here in coming to understand what they're doing here, for one thing, and, you know, what they're discovering that maybe they haven't noticed before. And that's happening. It happens anyway. People are finding all kinds of things about themselves and about how they see things and how they see the world that are very exciting for them, in some cases, frightening.

[06:15]

You know, part of the... disillusion of some of your beliefs so you know long-held beliefs about what's so and what's not so when that begins to peel away can be very frightening because we've built these cages and i was talking about the animal liberation festival in japan where they bring all of these cages of birds you know to this festival and they open the cages and all the birds fly away and everyone you know celebrates the the freedom of the birds and so on and then later in the evening If you come back to the festival grounds, all the birds fly back into their cages because that's home. So, you know, that's a safe place where they're fed and where they feel protected. So, you know, we're kind of like that. We have these cages of ideas about ourself and our standing in the world and the world, what is the world, you know, really, but what we've made of it. So when those bars begin to come away, and the cage begins to vanish for people, even briefly, a lot of times what they'll say is like, oh, it's so big.

[07:23]

You know, like the night sky here is a really good, you know, like reminder of how big it really is, this little tiny sphere that's spinning around in outer space. You know, it's like, yeah, really, it's really big. And because there's no lights where we are up in the mountains, There aren't any, you know, urban, the dulling of the urban lighting. Right here, the night sky is just for real. You know, it's big, bright. You can see all of the different, you know, patterns, the star patterns. And there's somebody, oh, that's Jupiter. Oh, my God. And there's Mars. And there's, you know, right now we have crescent moon, which I'm sure you have as well. But it's just the main feature of our month is where the moon is. and what shape it's in. So it's, yeah, I highly recommend it. If you ever have time, you know, in your busy life to come and spend time, you know, like someplace like Tassajara, I think it's a tremendous benefit.

[08:30]

And it kind of enters into your body. It's not an experience that sort of goes away, like you, sometimes on vacation, and oh, this is great, but then it goes away in certain ways. And But this kind of doesn't go away because you're really doing inside work. You're doing things inside your feelings and your perceptions and so on. So those get shifted and that kind of shifting can persist and can be very beneficial. That's certainly the idea that it's beneficial. So, as I said, we just finished our second five-day sashin. And what I was talking about for this sashin was basically the ultimate truth of the two truths, which we've looked at. many times when we looked at Branching Streams, Suzuki Roshi's book, about the sandokai, and that's all about the two truths, the relative truth and the ultimate truth, what he calls in Japanese re, ultimate truth, and ji, conventional or relative truth.

[09:31]

Did I say relative truth? Ultimate truth is re, and relative truth is ji. So I'm basically... using that pattern and finding ways to talk about it in a way that's not just saying it over and over again, you know, which is part of the challenge as a teacher is that how do you teach what is basically the fundamental teaching of the Buddha in a way that isn't just like saying the same thing over and over again? You know, there was a story about a Zen teacher who... basically said, well, really, it's just the two truths or something like that to that effect, or just this is it. And the monk said, well, why don't you just say that? And he said, well, if I just said that, there wouldn't, there'd just be weeds growing at the monastery gate. You know, nobody would come. So there is this expectation that we have of each other that somehow we're bringing some freshness to these ideas so that they actually can, people can pay attention. You know, they might go, oh, that's interesting, even though it's really not that interesting at the core.

[10:31]

It's just the same thing over and over again. So I chose to do two cons as a way of enlivening the discussion of the two truths. So the session before that, I was beginning to sort of set the stage for how to talk about these two perspectives on reality. So there's two truths about one reality. There's just reality. That's what we've all got. That's what's happening right now. It's where we always are, always have been. It's always present. It's always right now. There's really no discussion. Reality always wins. As I like to say, reality always wins. That's what's happening. And yet we can dream, and we do. We dream about other places, other times, other ideas about who we could be or would like to be or where we're going. So we dream a lot. And that's part of what we're being invited to take a break from during a meditation is to, you know, I often, not often, but sometimes I'll say during that first or second period in the morning, you know, what are you doing?

[11:32]

And I notice people kind of jump a little bit like, oh, what are you doing? I know what they're doing. They're doing what I'm usually doing too. It's like getting lost in thought, getting lost in memories or planning something for the future. Sometimes I'll ask them, are you awake? You know, So anyway, the first session, I talked about basically this very familiar verse that you probably all know, that we chant first thing in the morning after we sit zazen, then we beginning of service, we chant all my ancient twisted karma, all my ancient twisted karma from beginningless greed, hate, and delusion. Born through body, speech, and mind, I now fully avow. All my ancient twisted karma from beginningless greed, hate, and delusion, born through body, speech, and mind, I now fully avow. So this is called the confession and repentance. You know, we kind of begin with a little housekeeping.

[12:35]

So, you know, and then we take the refuges, refuge in Buddha, Dharma, Sangha. That's the second thing we chant. So this first acknowledgement of our ancient twisted karma, you know, that last line, I now fully avow, means I admit it. It's true. I did it. I'm not even sure what I did, but I know I did it. You know, I know I am living the consequences of my actions in this life. The things I have done out of greed, out of hatred, out of confusion, I admit it. And I really want... to straighten out that twisted karma. I want to find a better way to live in this world. You know, that's the intention that we are lining up. You know, if that's so, if that's true, if you do want to find a more straightforward way of living, then it's good to begin with acknowledging how you have been living for all of us. It's not really our fault. There's no one to blame here. There's no one to blame, first of all.

[13:36]

And there's no one to blame because it's our inheritance. You know, our parents have thought a certain way, twisted, no doubt, and grandparents and great-grandparents. There's been a lot of twisted karma throughout human history. So it's not like we did it or it's something we invented it. It's just something that we have inherited. And because of our inheritance of greediness, selfishness, Wanting things for ourselves and, you know, keeping others away and don't like this and I do like that. And all of those strategies that we do that are familiar to us and minor or major scales, whichever way we're operating. These are poisons. You know, they're called the three poisons, greed, hate and delusion. And the way they get into the world, as it says in this verse, born through body, speech and mind, greed, hate and delusion, beginningless greed, hate and delusion. We inherited it. It's been there a long time. And it comes through our body, our speech, and our mind. That's how it enters the world.

[14:38]

Each of us is a transmitter of greed, hate, and delusion. You know, that's our karma. So that's pretty much where I spent the first session talking about these elements of how these things come into being and how we might look at it. these elements of our human life and what we might do to, in a sense, transform our behavior, our speech, our greedy and hateful tendencies into kindness and generosity. So these are the vows that we take as practitioners of the bodhisattva way. So, yeah, now the big driver of all of that is ignorance. And so, you know, ignorance is not something that is so easy to understand. And I think I did spend quite a bit of time talking about that. Ignorance really is like we're ignoring.

[15:41]

We are always ignoring something that's absolutely true, which is the ultimate truth. We ignore the ultimate truth. The ultimate truth is that we are not separate from the world around us, that we are, in fact, the world around us. So you all know the story of the Buddha's awakening. So he's sitting there under a tree and he's trying so hard to, you know, get out of here. He's suffering from knowledge that he's going to get old and get sick and die. And he's really he's in terrible distress about the facts of life. You know, we all the same facts for all of us. We're going to get old. Well, maybe if we're lucky. I don't know if it's lucky. But anyway, we may if we live long, we will be old and we will be At some point we'll be sick and we will die. So this was so distressing to him that he ran away, you know, as if you could run away from the facts of life. And then he's sitting there in this pain of that, knowing that. And he finally stops trying to get out.

[16:44]

He stops trying to get away. And he settles into the place where he is. And then in the morning of the seventh day of his sitting, so we just did a five-day sit. At the end of the practice period, we'll do a seven-day sit to honor this practice that Buddha did. It's written in the old text. He did seven days. And in the morning of the seventh day, when the star rose on the horizon, he woke up. And it wasn't like he woke up to some idea or some concept. He woke up to a knowledge that a profound knowledge that the star was not outside of himself, that he wasn't separate from what he saw. He wasn't separate from what he heard or the, you know, the sound of the river running by or the young woman walking by with a pot of, you know, food on her head. That wasn't separate. That was him. That what was making his life were all of these elements that were coming into his, through his senses, that all the sounds without sounds,

[17:51]

We have no, we have no, you know, then what are ears without sound? What are eyes without colors? You know, what is taste without food? And what is a nose without odor? So, you know, we don't have some kind of, we're not abstracted. We're not separate from all of the things that are happening to us. They are us. So that was his revelation. That was his awakening, was knowing that he wasn't separate. And therefore, that the world was very precious and to be cared for. It's not, if it's not separate, then it's our, it's our responsibility to care for this beautiful world. Just like we try to take care of Tassahara. It's like, it's so precious, you know, that, but knowing that, how precious it is, how rare, you know, then we need to be careful. My, I have a Jisha, that's the person who carries my incense. She's a very, very sweet young woman. And so she picks, we go together around the altars in the morning and I meet her every morning at quarter to five, where we start our route.

[18:58]

And so we watch the moon every morning. We're kind of trying to figure out the pattern by looking at it. So we're going like, where is it going to be tomorrow morning? So we're trying to figure out which way it's going and where it's going to be the next day. So a couple of times we were like, well, what's it doing there? I couldn't quite figure out how it showed up over there. And we thought it was going to be over there. Anyway, so the other morning she said, I said, it's just so marvelous, so wonderful. And she said, I know, I don't think we deserve it. And I thought, yeah, maybe we don't deserve it. You know, we don't even know how to figure out where the moon is, let alone, you know, where the water comes from or the air comes from or how to care for this beautiful offering that's being given to us, you know, all through our lives, every day of our life. Something amazing is coming to us. And, you know, we're... I don't know, whatever we're doing, cranky or bored or something, shopping, you know, trying to get through the day. So somehow waking up has a lot to do with what's right here, what's already here, not somewhere else.

[20:06]

It's not about somewhere else. And that's really one of the hardest things is, you know, to be told, well, this is it, you know, just this is it. like just this is it yeah just this is it and i think that's probably the hardest lesson for all of us to keep coming back to just now and just here is all there is there's no other thing right now than this so that's kind of a discipline that you know a reminder like almost like a mantra just this is it just this is it you know coming back to that again and again um So anyway, so I also was thinking about, you know, how this separation happened in the first place. And of course, we all grew up with parents, various kinds of parents. We've been hearing people tell their what's called way-seeking mind talk. So all of the students here are for about 20 minutes. They're each given an opportunity to share with the rest of us anything they want to about where they grew up, how it was for them growing up.

[21:14]

what influenced them, what brought them to the monastery. In a way-seeking mind, it means, how did you decide to come here? What brought you here? What's the path by which you came here? And each story is utterly unique, and some of them very sad. I mean, some children have been treated very badly. I mean, really, really badly. And so some of the stories, you know, they're grateful to be able to tell them, and they're Quite often there's tears and everyone gets a hug at the end. We're all like so moved by knowing a little bit more about each other in that way. So, you know, when we're children, we are given language from our parents. And, you know, things that we're taught are things like, my, this is mine. You know, this is my mommy. And this is my house. And this is my car. And so the way our language works is that we're put at the center of our possessions.

[22:18]

And then that gets reinforced by even the parts of ourselves we're taught are mine, like my hands and my nose and my ears. So this my, there's some my there that's presumed to be the owner of all these things. And that's the self that the Buddha said doesn't exist. There's no such thing. There's no my in the middle. hand, okay. Nose, okay. Hair, okay. But mine, you know, that's the part that's like quite an overstatement, like that there's some possessor of body parts and of the objects of the world. So that's really the target of our teaching and of our practice is this my, the my part, the me part. Because it's not just that we learn to be separate ourselves into parts you know like that my eyes are separate from my ears you know and that my my nose is separate from my skin and that my whole body is separate from the earth and from the sky and from the flowers and the trees you know so i'm always pointing at objects that are as if they're outside of me of my so you know and then the sad part is that's kind of you know

[23:34]

tragic enough, but the real tragedy is that we see ourselves as separate from one another. You know, I have my friends and then there's everyone else. So this whole separation is what creates all the suffering that we experience between us humans, the ways that we divide ourselves also by, you know, my race and my gender and my country and my education and my class and so on. So we know all that. And this is really getting to the core of what the main purpose of the Buddhist teaching is because we're suffering. We're miserable from how we've been taught to see the world, which isn't accurate. It's not true. There's just ways that we have been kind of blinded. No one really tried to blind us. It's just the way we have evolved. Once we invented language, we got really carried away. And so I also talked about that wonderful book by Yuval Harari called Sapiens.

[24:37]

You know, how language is not very old. It's 70,000 years or something like that. I mean, not very long ago that we stopped grunting and pointing and started naming things and abstract things and then creating stories of just about anything we thought we could get away with, you know. Like the good example he uses in the book is that You know, when the monkeys can gesture that there's a lion at the base of the tree, they can make noises that, you know, indicate that there's something dangerous there. But the Homo sapiens started to say stuff like, well, the lion is the guardian of our tribe. You know, we kind of started to make up these amazing fantasies and tell these stories about things that basically are not true. So... Anyway, that's the relative truth, is the truth about all of our relationships to one another that are all made from language, all the stories that we tell. So I talked a lot about story making and how really looking at stories is one of the keys to liberation.

[25:42]

Like, it's just a story. I mean, for a while, my teacher was having all of us. We going to see I going to see my teacher and I'd say, yada, yada, yada. And I was I was upset about something or another. And he'd say, well, that's your story. I say, yeah, that's my story. And after a while, I got it. Oh, that's my story. That's not what happened. That's just my story about what happened. So it kind of helps to know that you're telling stories that you can actually that stories are a little more fluid than. oh, that's a fact. You know what? My story is a fact. And I'm going to argue my facts with you against your facts. And so then we fight. But just to recognize that we're making up stories. You know, so when the Buddha basically realized he wasn't separate, there weren't... hearts that were separate from him, not the body itself, not the world itself. It was all arising together, what's called dependent co-arising. Everything's arising at the same time together.

[26:44]

Right now, we're all arising together. Otherwise, we couldn't be here if it wasn't happening together. And if somebody hadn't invented Zoom, we couldn't be doing this. So all of this is co-created, and it's all co-created. And that's the explanation for what's happening in each moment is that everything is bringing us into being. The whole universe, as I'm fond of saying, Carl Sagan's statement that if you want an apple pie, first you have to make a universe. So the entire universe is bringing us into being, you know, and which is kind of great. I mean, it's kind of a wonderful vision rather than, you know, my mom and dad somehow are the soul creatures. you know, responsible parties for my existence. It's like, no, it goes a lot further back than that. So, you know, when the Buddha realized that he was the world and that each and every moment the world was giving him his life, you know, that's where his life was coming from. And there wasn't any separation.

[27:45]

That made him very happy. I mean, that's sort of the point of all of this is to bring joy to humankind. And I mean, doesn't that sound great? I mean, isn't that what we want is to find the joy in life? Not the pleasure. Pleasure is a kind of dime a dozen. You get pleasure from an ice cream cone. But joy is more of a sustained, a longer-term, sustained commitment to all kinds of things like virtue, character, like you can actually be trusted, that people can trust you, that you're telling the truth as best as you can, that you're generous, and so on. All of these... character developments, which are kind of old-fashioned idea that we would actually wish to develop our character to be someone who's kind of people can trust, that might be worthy of confidence, as they say. So when the Buddha realized who he really was, he said that the entire universe in the 10 directions is the true human body.

[28:46]

The entire universe in the 10 directions is the true human body. And that's the truth. And if you can pick up on that, if you can allow yourself to experience yourself as that, what Suzuki Roshi called big mind, that's yourself. That's yourself. And then there's the person, that's the small mind, which goes around doing things. We need that part. We're not going to say, yeah, let's get rid of that. We're not getting rid of that. That's very important. But that little one, if it doesn't understand the vastness of itself, can actually just be a little one in its own mind, just kind of like, oh, I'm no good, and nobody likes me. I mean, that's the disease of our separation, is that we shrink ourselves down into something that we then believe. We can have negative thoughts about ourselves, as very many people do. I've discovered, and I certainly had plenty of those myself in my life. So helping to cure us, ourselves, of our negativity about ourselves is a really important aspect.

[29:51]

of why we're practicing together. It's just not true. It's just not true. You're not the best and you're not the worst. You're just the way you are. And as Suzuki Roshi said, there's room for improvement. You're perfect the way you are and there's room for improvement, which I think is one of the better statements. So if there isn't any ignorance, if ignorance is gone, ignorance being ignoring non-separation, non-duality, the non-dual nature of reality, nothing's outside, there's no place outside of reality for anything to be, it's all included, all-inclusive, non-dual nature of reality, then there's no reason to harm anyone. You know, there's no reason to hold out from anyone or not provide food and shelter to everyone. I mean, this is us. If it's all us, then we should take care of us. Right. There's no reason to withhold affection from anyone, even if they're hurting and they can't give it back right now. It's sort of like, well, OK, when you can, I'm still ready.

[30:53]

I'm still ready to meet you. You know, Joanna Macy wrote a book. I like the title very much. Her book was on ecology. The title is World Ecology. as lover, world as self. World as lover, world as self. You know, sweet. What a sweet idea. So I think this basic effort of our upright sitting practice, you know, and our work practice and our practice of Sangha relations is to help us to realize that there's another way to live. You know, even though it's not so obvious to us that we aren't separate, we can still see it that way. You know, I think most of us do see it that way. Still, we enact our connection to one another by how we treat each other here in this, you know, brief period of time we have to literally consciously practice with these principles of kindness. You know, that's the big one. As the Dalai Lama said, my religion is kindness, you know. So we endeavor to speak kindly to one another. You can really hear it when people are kind of, you know, being a little grumpy, a little mean or withholding or cranky, whatever.

[31:59]

That's... You can hear it in their voice. And it's sort of like, OK, it's OK. You know, it's OK. You know, we're kind to them, too. It's OK. You're having a bad day. That's OK. Don't get on me. Just keep it over there. You know, so we spend a lot of time working silently, which is very helpful if you're cranky, that you don't have to be getting it on your friends. You know, you can wait till you're feeling a little better. And so we do endeavor to speak quietly. We endeavor to walk quietly down the hallways of the shared housing. And we also help each other to find our lost gloves or our missing garden tools and that kind of thing. So there's announcements at work meetings. Has anyone seen my jacket? And, oh, yeah, I saw it over there. And, you know, so this kind of mind, the mind of the collective is really looking out for each other's things. And also moods. You know, people disappear for a little while. We go gently, go ask, are you okay? Are you all right?

[32:59]

Do you need something? And pretty much people will come back. You know, they'll come back into the circle, come back into the zendo. Just need to take a little break. Okay, that's fine. You know, just stay in touch. Don't let us lose you. I think I told you last time that we had one of our people go grown man you know he's in his 50s and a seasoned hiker and pretty sure of himself went off on a hike and now you're supposed to tell people when you go off on a hike where you're going you know for the very good reason that he didn't do that and he got lost he got very lost and spent the night out in the very cold wilderness And he scrambled and tried to find his way and got all covered with poison oak. And it was really terrible. And he was making it worse and worse and going over the wrong ridges and following the wrong creek. And he was really out there. And so we sent out. Everyone went out. We went out in search parties on every trail. We sent people out in pairs calling his name.

[34:01]

And we found him. He tells the story. It was really the transforming of his life because he's one of those kids that had a really hard time His parents were not particularly kind. And so he just got a blast of, you came to find me? Of course we came to find you. Of course. What do you think? You know, he was so, he was just so touched that how much effort we spent finding him. And then we found him. So that was the happiness. The happy ending was that we found him and he wasn't badly injured. So yeah, we tried to do that. And then we take vows. I think you're all familiar with the bodhisattva vows. Some of you have taken the bodhisattva vows. You know, we promise, I'm wearing my promise that I will not kill you. That's what this means, you know. Then I won't kill you or steal from you or lie to you. And I won't sexualize you or intoxicate you. You know, these are your vows I've made many times.

[35:02]

We do that on the full moon. We make those vows on the full moon. And I'm not going to brag about myself. or slander you those are also vows you make i'm not going to be possessive if i have something that you need i i'll share it with you you know um and then i'm not going to harbor ill will i'm not going to hate you if i get irritated i'm going to work with it we're going to have a conversation and see if we can work it out you know because i don't want to carry any kind of hostility toward anyone it just seems like a waste of my inner energy it hurts my heart i mean that's the pain When I'm upset with somebody, I'm in pain. So I want to clean that as quickly as I can. Try not to go to sleep with a bad feeling about anybody. So those are our vows, the Bodhisattva vows. And I think as I'm getting older, I'm noticing that how much more important I think those vows are for this world that people take them and they take them seriously.

[36:05]

That it really is... medicine for this pain of separation the belief of separation that the vows are basically a promise I this person is making to the other because I still think so because I'm still caught up in the idea of separation that in order to keep the other safe from me then I promise to be kind and and to not harm so that's kind of like a placeholder until the realization that you're not separate, in which case I wouldn't dream of harming you, you know, that would be, it wouldn't even occur. But in the meantime, we kind of wear our, like wear our, say this is my safety harness, safety harness. I really am going to do my best not to cause harm to anyone if I can possibly, possibly help it, you know. So it's not really difficult what we're doing down here together. You know, I was thinking of it. It's kind of like remedial kindergarten. You know, the same things that you were told about not hitting people and everyone can play and, you know, don't carry your scissors or the point facing out.

[37:14]

These are all the things that we were told when we were very little. And and yet very much like kindergarten, we forget what we've been taught. And so we fall back into our primordial habits of greed, hate and delusion. You know, that's. Just totally common. Not like any of us don't. We all do. And so that's part of the practice. Why we practice is to repeat the lessons, to repeat the vows, to repeat the intention. Say it again. Say it again. Say it again. We need a lot of repetition to change habits. I heard that military did a study of how many repetitions to change the habits of a new recruit. And I sometimes ask people, Guess a number. How many do you think it would be, you know? So you might think in your own heads. I can ask you later what you came up with. How many times do you think you have to tell a new recruit something before they've actually can change their habit, their old habit?

[38:16]

So here's the number. 17. 17 times, which I thought, well, that's not too bad. It could have been 100. You know, that would have been really tough. But 17 repetitions isn't too bad. So we have... We have 90 days here to repeat the lessons, to repeat the vows, to repeat the sitting practice and the calming and the kindness practice. So that's pretty good. That's quite a few 17s. And I think that is part of the idea is that we have this. We do it again. We do it again until it becomes a new habit. You know, there's a habit that the resistance starts to wear out. In the first month, there was a lot of resistance to just about everything. It's like, my room and the food and beans aren't cooked and just all kinds of noise. But there's not so much noise anymore. Just eat the beans. Just forget about it. Forget about complaining about the cold. It's cold. So there's no need to talk about it.

[39:16]

So it's kind of great to just let go. That's part of the... of the lesson from the ancestors, just drop it. So Dogen said, drop body and mind, body mind drops, just drop it, you know, like rain on the roof, just drop it, drop it again, drop it again, let it go, just let it go, let it go. Let the tension in your body go. Let those ideas go. Let anything go. They'll come back. Don't worry. You're not going to forget that you have children or that you have to go get some groceries. You'll remember, but you don't have to hold things. You don't have to kind of work them as if it's called attachment, like holding on, grasping things. They're your possessions. Possessiveness is part of our disease, part of our pain. So the reason sometimes that we kindergartners forget is because we get our feelings hurt. Someone hurt my feelings. And, you know, my feelings get hurt.

[40:17]

Somebody hurt my feelings the other day. And I was a little pouty about it. It's like, ow, you know. But, you know, it happens. People project. They love to project on the teachers. I mean, that's just what, that's our middle name is projection screen. You know, that people really think. Somebody said. And in class to me, they say, well, you know, what about all the power? You've got all this power. And I said, really? I do. I said, you know, and I said, you know where it's coming from? And he said, your position. I said, no, no, it's coming from you. You're the one who thinks I have power. It's a projection. You know, maybe I do. Maybe I don't. But you think so. So keep a track of your projections, what you're putting on people. What you think of them, that's coming from you, you know? And how is it for you if you think I have power? Does that make you think you don't have power? Does that do something to you in terms of your need to kind of like, well, you've got to take me down or what do you have to do in order to feel okay about yourself?

[41:24]

I remember this one ceremony where Reb, my teacher, Tenshin Roshi, was sitting on this... kind of like a throne. He was sitting on the throne, which we have ceremonial chair, which I'm going to get to sit on the last day of the practice period. And each person comes up and asks you a question in front of everyone else. So it's a special ceremony where we share the conversation that normally is private. Like I meet with people privately, but in the ceremony, everyone meets the teacher in public. So it's quite wonderful. And it's also like kind of a free-for-all because I don't know what they're going to say and they don't know what I'm going to say. It's not rehearsed in any way. So it's kind of exciting. I certainly found it exciting myself. Anyway, so Reb was sitting on that chair during one of these ceremonies. And this young male came up to him and said, who do you think you are sitting on that chair? And... I was watching Reb, I thought, what's he going to do with that?

[42:28]

And Reb said, well, who do you think I am? And the kid couldn't say anything. He was sort of like stumped. Hmm, that's funny. Who do you think I am? That's really the core question. What do you think? What are you thinking? Do you know what you're thinking? Do you think what you're thinking is true? And if you do, can you hold it lightly and be curious? Is it true? Is it really true? That's this Byron Katie question. What would happen if you let it go? If you decided, is it really, really true? What would it be like if you thought it wasn't necessarily true, if you let it go, if you dropped it? How would you feel then? And most people feel better because a lot of the things that we project that we think are true are pretty painful. The ones that matter, they're painful about other people, about ourselves. So if we drop that, if we drop those projections, I think we'd feel better, a lot better. You know, it's a good exercise or discipline to drop negativity.

[43:34]

So, you know, we forget. We forget our lessons in kindergarten, and so our feelings get hurt, and our feelings then darken, and our words become judgmental and accusatory. You know, like... Someone took my gloves. I'm sure someone took my glove. Oh, they hid my garden tools. You know, that kind of thing that really happens. Or my girlfriend. They're taking my girlfriend. I saw them talking, you know. So all this kind of darkened thinking and accusatory thinking builds up. And, you know, it's happening here. Of course, it's happening here. That's what people come to talk to me about is their darkened thoughts about other people, you know. And so, again, it's kind of silly stuff, but it's being taken very seriously. And people believe what they're thinking and what they're feeling. And then out of their speech comes this kind of mistrust and anger, and in some cases, rage. Actually, just a few days ago, one of our students was talking to a teacher here about the guidelines around new relationships, particularly sexual relationships, which we ask people not to do during their practice periods.

[44:45]

We're not like... anti-sex by any means it's more like please don't just jump into sexual relationship with anybody this is a time for you to be friends with everyone to kind of not do what you do out there if that's what you do out there you know really to allow yourself to be here as a per as a monastic a monos means single to be here as a single person even if you're in a couple can you give each other space to be doing the practice because it's pretty intense and it's a lot of time by yourself sitting meditation. So getting involved in an emotional, confusing, particularly sexual, oftentimes very confusing. Startups relationships can take a lot of energy. People start isolating. Other people notice it. And it's like, are they talking about it? So it's just kind of like, let's just not do that. It's highly recommended you don't. We don't have a law. We don't have police running around making sure no one's doing anything. But we really ask people to read those guidelines and treat Please try to follow the guidelines.

[45:47]

So anyway, the teacher was talking to one of these students about the guideline because there's a little crush going on between that person and someone else. So they're wanting to clarify what they can and can't do. And so in explaining the guidelines, the person misunderstood what was being said and became enraged. He said, oh, dear. So the teacher was telling the rest of us, there were three or four of us here who are teachers going like, they're enraged. And we're going, oh, this is not good to have an enraged human walking around campus. So anyway, they corrected, they got a hold of the people and they corrected the misunderstanding and everybody was calm again. The enraged went away, but it's just like, there it is. You know, you misunderstand something someone says. And all that fire that's just waiting to burst into flames comes jumping out. And then we all go, uh-oh, watch out. There's a fire in the hole.

[46:47]

So that's part of what we're here. We're here to look at these arisings of greed, hate, and delusion, to watch how they are manufactured, which is really not so hard to do when you're sitting quietly for 40 minutes twice in the morning, three more times before lunch. another time before dinner and another time before bed. So you have all this time to just watch your mind doing its creative productions. You know, it's like a little flea circus going on and all the little creatures are moving around and trying to get your attention, trying to get you to believe what they're doing and so on and so on. So we all have that opportunity to keep a close look on the arrival of greed, you know, of crushes, of... inevitably of hatred you know the jealous rivals the people you think might get ahead of you with your crush and so on that's the most common one and delusion just about you oftentimes about your own self-worth that's probably the most most common way that people are delusional is that their self-worth is kind of low self-esteem seems to be really common in our culture actually so

[47:58]

And then the aspiration with these challenges is also pretty simple. I mean, really, we just want to see if we can live in harmony with one another. Is that possible? And, of course, we don't agree on everything. Of course not. We don't agree on how to do things. We don't agree on, you name it, we don't agree. There's a lot of things we don't agree on. But that shouldn't lead us to disharmony. We should be able to have discussions and create a harmonious conversation about things that we don't agree on until we come to some kind of hologram of agreement. Okay, there it is. We all can hold this one. This one works for everybody in the circle. Okay, then that's it. That's the one we'll do. I was really struck by the Dalai Lama saying in one of his interviews that our religion basically is kindness. That's it. He said, my religion is kindness. I thought, boy, that's easy to remember. You know, and that's what we should be trying to do. Just trying to be kind.

[49:00]

You know, kind is also kin, like family. Like we're the same kind. We're all human. We use the word humankind, you know, and being kind. It all has to do with not separate, not different, not outsider. No outsiders. Nobody's, no marginalized anybody. Everybody's belongs. You know, everybody's belong. That's being kind. I remember saying one time at our interfaith, I was in the Marin Interfaith Council for a number of years, which was a really delightful company. I had rabbis and, you know, Benedictine sisters and imams. And it was just great. The whole collection of all the different Protestant clergy and Catholic priests. And, you know, we really had a really good time with each other, meeting together. And after a while, they, you know, they would usually do a prayer at the beginning of each meeting. And so... they kind of get a little self-conscious having me in the room because when they say, oh, dear God in heaven, you know, and they go like, oh, foo, that's not, doesn't work for you, does it?

[50:01]

And I said, it's okay. I don't really mind. You can do that. And they said, okay. So then they would start saying, whatever you feel is the most wonderful, you know, they would change their own language to make me feel included, which I thought was so sweet. It was so kind of them. They are kind, very kind. In fact, what I said of them while I was still on the board of the Interfaith Council was, you know, we talk about our core beliefs. Sometimes we'd share readings or whatever. And I said, we are not like-minded. We are really not like-minded, but we are like-hearted. We all have the same wish. You know, we're all very kind. We want people to be well-fed and educated and housed and safe and included. And, you know, so there was such a common truth in terms of our... our collective. And such a great hope for the world religions to do that. You know, come on, guys, let's just see how like hearted we are and how much we can bring to the world. If we could just see that as our primary, what we really are here to do, you know, not argue.

[51:05]

Oh, my God, what a waste. You know, what a waste of everything. Just a waste of time and violence. I say, oh, please. Anyway, it's hard to stop. So I think I'm hoping to encourage during our time here together that this like-heartedness, you know, goes on for all of us here in our small little gathering at Tassahara. There are 30 people here, and it's a nice size because we really have gotten to know each other pretty well. There's nobody that I don't know or haven't talked with already and so on. So that part's really, really special. So I... I think what I'm going to do now, I'm going to stop talking and ask you all if you'd like to say some things. Cause I have to go, my schedule is very tight down here, right? We have a dining room day off dinner at six o'clock. So I can be a little late, but not, not really, really late. Um, so I was thinking that, you know, I would like, I will, uh, on the 4th, December is do this, um,

[52:13]

fascicle or chapter on Ru Jing, which is really heavy-duty. He was a really heavy-duty guy. He just sat Zazen all the time, and he was very humble, and he volunteered. He begged the abbot of his monastery to let him clean the toilets. He had some feeling of his need to make restitution in all my ancient twisted karma. Ru Jing was really into... I did all that. Somehow he had some feeling about his karmic debt being really high. So he wanted to clean the latrines as a way of paying back. And his teacher wouldn't let him until he could tell him, why do you think the toilets are impure? Where is the impurity? That's the big question at the beginning of that chapter. How would you make something pure that's not impure? And Rujing couldn't answer. And he had years, he had years that he had to work on that before he was allowed to clean the toilets.

[53:15]

So this is a really heavy-duty guy. This is Dogen's teacher, no surprise. So I look forward to doing that, having that conversation with you all. So anyway, that's what I wanted to share for now. And I'm going to go to Gallery View and invite you if you like. If you have something that you'd like to... bring up. And yes, Tim, thank you. I did get the book. I haven't read it yet, but I will. I'm sort of caught up in these other studies at the moment. I look forward to it. I understand. It's a big chunk of information. I'm glad you got it. I was just wondering. Thank you. Thank you for sending it. Anyone? Hello, Helene. We have not seen you for a little while. Nice to have you back. Thank you. I was in Europe for three weeks.

[54:17]

And before that, I got sidelined taking care of my ex-husband. And that is an ongoing thing that has really taken over quite a lot of my life. but I'm trying to be a good kid about it. Well, good for you. We'll support you. We're all good kids here trying our best. Impossible challenges. That's just not fair. I'm a good kid and that's too much. Anyway, it's great to be here. It's great to see everybody. Ying. Yes. There you are. Hi, Fu. Hi, Ying. How are you? How are you? Good. I might need some recommendations for children, like Buddhism book. I finished the book, Buddha in a Backpack.

[55:20]

It's like Buddhism for teenagers. I finished that with my daughter. She's 13, and she loved it. She will just come to me and ask me to read chapters with her. It's also a time for us to share some time together, I feel. And now I'm starting like No Mud, No Lotus by Thich Nhat Hanh with her. I don't know if it's not going to be too much. What do you think? I don't think so. I think his language is pretty accessible. My experience with Thich Nhat Hanh. He worked with kids a lot. He was really involved with families and children. So I would trust that it would be accessible for sure. Yeah. Oh, that's great. Yeah. If you thought about anything, you know, if you think about anything, please let me know. So it's been like really helpful. We try to catch each, like you said, making stories. So we say like movies at home, like we try to catch each other. Like, are you making a movie? Sometimes we get very upset, you know, with each other. And I think she and I were good reminders of each other about movies.

[56:22]

Sometimes she will say, mom, are you making a movie? Sometimes I'll say, you know. talk to her so i thought you know that was because i don't really have a sangha here like in person so she's got kind of i'm developing her to be my sangha perfect perfect that's wonderful i've done that with my partner she's resisted somewhat but mostly i persist and she can testify how improved she is as a result is that right karina are you here Oh, there she is. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. I really miss our meeting, but I know your schedule is tight and I'm in Singapore, so it's hard. So maybe like after your... When are you going to... When is this going to end? Yeah, really. I'm wondering that myself. No, my plan was because the second sashim was right after the first. It was just two weeks between. So it was a huge...

[57:24]

prep for me but i have three weeks now before the next session so my plan was to get in touch with you and the other people on the list and set up some times now and december the whatever i said the uh ninth so sometime before the ninth i will do my best yeah yeah yeah but this is gonna end right in january no it's gonna end well This is going to end on December the 19th. I will leave Tassajara, and then Karina and I are flying to London, which is really exciting. We're going to be in Cornwall for the holidays, and then we'll be gone for a month. So my first big outing ever in my life, probably, since I first got my first outing. Yeah, very nice. I'm excited. So then I'll be back February. first and i'll be back yeah that's great i mean just knowing that you'll be back that's good thank you thank you i will try thank you thank you thanks bye you're welcome okay i need to go to dinner i mean it's going to be special dinner tonight so it's probably like pizza or something like that so

[58:46]

Unlike most dinners, which are gruel, really someone's need to give these guys lessons in gruel. It was the Tenzo down here. And, you know, like, anyway, I should get in there sometime and say, now here's how you make gruel. It doesn't taste really good. But anyway, we eat it because we're hungry. And so we whatever goes in our bowls, which is probably really good for monks. You just eat food. And so far, we're all fine. Nobody's. But tonight, we're having something special. So we'll see what they do. All right, you all. Very nice to see everyone. And please take care. And I will be back on the 4th. And if you'd like to, whatever you call it, unmute, please do. And we can say goodnight. Goodnight, everyone. Enjoy your pizza. Goodnight. Good night.

[59:50]

Thank you. Take care. And the burning question, do you get nut loaf on Thanksgiving? Maybe. I hope so. I hope so. These guys are not into the traditional Zen center cuisine. I don't know what they did with the old recipes, but I haven't seen nut loaf or macaroni and cheese or, you know, tofu stew. I mean, it's just like, I don't know what they're doing. A lot of. Anyway, a new generation. Yes. Enjoy your special dinner tonight. Thank you. Along with the lumps from last time. I will do my best. See you in a couple weeks. Bye-bye. Thank you. Bye. Bye, Karina. Bye, Karina. Good night, everyone. Night, Tom.

[60:47]

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