Great. Hello again. Welcome, welcome. I don't know how it is for you, but sometimes just even stopping like we did for a few minutes, I just couldn't notice how much energy was running through my head. You know, it's been a really amazing day. I'll tell you a little bit more about it in a minute. But I just stopped there, you know, and it's like... All the cars and the train just kind of run into each other. They hit the wall. It's like, oh yeah, that's right. I forgot. I kind of need to do that every now and then. Just that everything really slow down. It's come to a rolling halt. So, I just wanted to finish up the discussion of the Tenzo Kyokun and Dogen's instructions for the cook. So the last section is what I'm going to look at this evening, in which Dogen talks about the mind of the way.

[01:11]

And he says, in reflection on those who have labored as Tenzo, with an attitude of practicing the way, we see that in every case, the manner in which they carried out their work coincided exactly with the virtues of their character. It's kind of interesting. So how you do your work, I think we all kind of know that intuitively, that how people do their work, how they show up, how they present themselves is whatever it is we think of as their character. It's like that's the character of that person. Not that that can't change, and it does. That's part of what Zen training is about, is helping us to grow or develop, if we want to, I mean, it's voluntary, our character. So that's a reflection that the world then is able to mirror that back. us like oh you're on time or you're this but i don't know whatever values they are that's not necessarily really high on the list but there are values that i think others appreciate in us and that we appreciate in them so that's the kind of thing we're we're trying to understand so um he says then he says daigyu was enlightened when serving as tenzo under baijang the story of dong shan's three pounds of sesame took place when he was tenzo

[02:29]

Is there anything of greater value than realization of what the Way is? Is there any time more precious than the time of realizing the Way? And then he says that the duties of the office of Tenzo, or director, or Eno, these are all the monastic offices, are the same now as they were a hundred years ago, or for us, as they were 800 years ago. We're still following the same pattern of monastic offices. that we find in Dogen's writings. So we're kind of using those terms and using that instruction from Dogen to establish our own, you know, the template of the Zen center community. And Dogen says, if the activities and functions have not changed, how can we today fail to actualize their marvelous nature, the same as those of ancient times did? In striving to maintain the spirit of the way, there are three minds to consider carefully. Three minds. So it's interesting that, again, 800 years ago, these three minds, if you've been in a Zen Center kitchen, I might have mentioned this before, there are these round blocks of wood that are written on, with sumi ink, and it's the three minds.

[03:44]

And these three minds are on the altar at Tassajara, they're on the altar at Green Gulch, pretty sure they're on the altar at City Center, and these are the ones that, what's written on them. So the first one, it says, joyful mind. joyful mind, characterized by buoyancy and gratitude. And Dogen says, gratitude for having been born into the world where we are capable of using our body freely to offer food to the three treasures, the Buddha, the Dharma, and the Sangha. So that's the inspiration for the cooks. You know, we go into the office before we start preparing meals. We all stand in a little semi-circle at the altar where these three minds are quite You know pronounced they're there underneath the figure of a Buddha and We offer incense and we chant and then we everyone gets their assignment for the morning like with someone like to make the soup someone work on the salad how about you do the vegetables and so on so that's the basic morning routine is Centered on these three minds, you know this inspiration that comes from these teachings so that it's it's a little different than

[04:57]

I don't know how many of you worked in kitchens ever or maybe just at home. The feeling of just going in the kitchen and putting some food together and that kind of thing. It's just a kind of opposite approach where you're really doing spiritual practice. Whatever you're doing is your spiritual practice and bringing that sense into your own kitchen or your own work is something that's available to us to do. I put some of these little gattas that we have around the Gringotts in my house like before shower I have a little gatha bathing we purify the body and mind and so on so there are these reminders which are very helpful that oh yeah that's right taking a shower it's not just taking a shower you're you're entering into this gratitude The joyful mind, grateful for water, for warm water, for time, for a place to take a shower, for clean clothes to put on after you shower. I mean, the list is endless of things that we can be grateful for, right? And wish for others the same, to have those same things for them.

[06:03]

So that's joyful mind. So this mind, this joyful mind, was completely infused in the ceremony that I spent the morning participating in. I was there as a guest, Gringoch Zendo, and what was happening, instead of the Sunday lecture at 10, or rather 10.30 this morning, Zen teacher Zenju Earthland Manuel, who some of you may know, she's a fantastic, wonderful teacher. I've led a practice period with her a couple of years back. She lived at Green College for a little while. She was a student of Blanche Hartman. For those of you who knew Blanche years back at Zen Center, she was our abbess for some time, and she ordained quite a few people. And Zenju was one of the people she ordained. And since then, Zenju has become a pretty prolific writer of Dharma books. and she has a sitting group that's kind of all over because like ours people come from it's it's online so people can come from any place to join the it's called still breathing which i think is great name still still quiet still still breathing still breathing in sangha and uh zenju is black she grew up in the south american south and her parents were um you know there was not not a lot of

[07:27]

wealth in their family to say the least they you know food was [...] hard to come by and they had they all had work to do and help out around the house and so on so her her life her coming from that um that world where things were hard and where she was treated very badly you know she said she tells us i've been spit on i've been said terrible things too so i was pretty young when i realized there was something wrong with me and it was the color of my skin You know, I mean, listening to her, I get very sad because I can empathize with, I don't know, but I can empathize with how it must be to be treated badly for nothing. She said, don't they know that I was born this way? You know, when she was little. Anyway, she tells us, is very grateful that she lets us in on how it was for her. And now she's, you know, a very mature and wonderfully funny and wonderfully gifted teacher. So she was ordaining, priest ordaining, three of her students from still breathing.

[08:31]

They've been sitting in the sashim for this last five days. She's been teaching during the sashim. Lovely, lovely lectures. And her students were there. And then three of them came in to the zendo this morning to be a priest ordained. And a great many people came from all over. There were a lot of our priests who were there. The zendo was packed. and the ceremony went on for about three hours but it didn't seem like it really felt like there was so much joy there was such joyful mind there in the room for all of us feeling like yes this is what we want we want this to happen we want this embracing of the sangha by everyone to feel welcome and to become you know to belong So after the ceremony, all the priests went over to the Wheelwright Center with the newly ordained. They look like babies. They come in in their gray under robes, and then they put on their coromos, their black coromos, and then they put on their ocasas, and they receive their bowing claws and their Buddha bowls.

[09:40]

And when they're done, there's these brand new... priests standing there, beautifully, elegantly dressed in the dharma robes and deeply honored. So we all went over and bowed to them and they bowed to us. There was a tremendous amount of tears. during the ceremony, both during the ceremony and after the ceremony, and every time we'd meet one another, there was a lot of tears, a lot of crying, and it was all joy, tears of joy, and some relief, you know, at the grief, at the ancestral grief that has plagued humanity, and some feeling of something new, maybe, something new growing. There's a term called Xinme, which is the name for The new abbot is called the shinmei. Before they're installed as abbot, that's the name. It means new growth.

[10:40]

And just today I was walking up to my place after the ceremony, and maybe you've all noticed too, those of you in California, that the new grass is coming up. Like what was golden dead weeds from last year. There's all this carpet of brand new green grass, the shinmei. coming up and that was totally appropriate on this day of new growth that the spring our spring which is in the winter our spring was arriving in California it's beautiful green the hillsides will all be green very soon so joyful mind joyful mind you know and Dharma this is the Dharma joy great Dharma joy so the second of the three minds is called grandmotherly mind And Suzuki Roshi called it that, grandmotherly mind. So that's what we say on our little block of wood. It says grandmotherly mind, joyful mind, grandmotherly mind. And he says, Suzuki Roshi says, that's the mind of a parent. And with this mind, we care for all life as a parent cares for their only child.

[11:45]

It is the grandmotherly mind that handles the water and the rice and everything else with the affection and concern of a parent raising a child. And then the third, third block of wood, is magnanimous mind. Magnanimous mind. A mind like a mountain, stable and impartial. A mind like the ocean, tolerant in its views and with the broadest possible perspective, refusing to take sides. Dogen says that magnanimous mind does not get carried away by the sounds of spring, nor become heavy-hearted on seeing the colors of fall. Without magnanimous mind, Dung San would not have responded to the question of what the Buddha is by his now famous act of picking up three pounds of sesame seeds. So here's the Tenzo. What is Buddha? He picked up three pounds of sesame seeds. This activity is Buddha. This gesture that I'm doing now and cooking for the community is Buddha.

[12:51]

And then Dogen ends the Tenso Kyokan saying, whether you are the head of a temple, a senior monk, or other officer, or simply an ordinary monk, do not forget the attitude behind living out your life with joy, having the deep concern of a parent for their child, and carrying out all of your activities magnanimously. And the essay is signed at the bottom, written by Dogen in the spring of 1237 at Ko Shoji Temple. for followers of the way in succeeding generations. So he wrote this for us. And it's amazing, actually, that it made it all the way here. 800 years of something written on paper. It's amazing, actually. There's a story about that. How did that happen? These documents were lost for a long time. They were stored in temples in Japan. It was kind of old-fashioned stuff. Dogen wasn't really the big star of the Soto Zen for a long time.

[13:53]

He was kind of revitalized by later generations who discovered his writing and went, this is amazing. So we're very lucky to have all this material. So as I mentioned to you, and I probably said a few of these things already, but I was just remembering back to how important this teaching of the Tenzo Kilkan was for me, supporting me when I took up the role of the head cook, first at Tassahara and then at Minkoche Farm, along with two stints as the guest cook at Tassahara in the summer, which is, no small feat and people say oh you were the guest cook I said no I wasn't like the star cook or the you know this chef or anything like that I was just somebody was asked to go to the kitchen and cook for the guests so it's a it's a huge job you know it was it's it's hard to imagine actually but I was young so I think I didn't know any better

[14:57]

that you just do all day long. You just stay at it. You know, you've got this much stuff to get done, and you get it done. And then you go to sleep for a little while and you get up and then you start again. And then on your day off, you read cookbooks because you have to think of things to to to make for the next round of meals. Anyway, so I did that twice. The first year was kind of a nightmare. In fact, I was having nightmares about food being chased by vegetables and things like that. But the second summer, because by then I had actually learned quite a lot about cooking for large groups of people. It was a lot more fun. And some of the things we did were just really enjoyable to just make big pies and meringues and all kinds. We could do anything because it wasn't a commercial kitchen. It was our kitchen and we could try anything we wanted. And just the only thing we had to make sure we did was that it tasted good. That was the main thing. Make sure it tastes good. So that was actually quite a wonderful time.

[15:59]

So when I first arrived at the Zen Center, I was sent to the kitchen, as everyone was, to help with the dinner shift. So I became a resident and then you do house chores. And so I had some bathroom house chores and I had a kitchen house chore. I had an evening shift. And at that time, I really knew nothing about cooking. I don't know what I ate for the years I lived by myself. I can't even remember. Cottage cheese, probably. But I basically didn't know how to cook. As I said, I think I've told you, my mother wasn't interested in me learning how to cook or anything else about house care. I think she was hoping I'd do something more interesting with my life. And I had planned to teach high school. That was my big plan. I don't know what I thought I would do for food, but that was not part of my training as a kid. So I get to Zen Center and, you know, the pots are huge and heavy. They're steel. And especially when they're full of water or beans or soup or hot soup or whatever it is.

[17:03]

So that was amazing. And the utensils are huge. You know, there's these giant, almost like an ore to stir the soup with. And you have whisks. Again, they're like... four feet long and so everything was like really oversized and the quantities were very oversized like you know nineteen gallons of soup and things like that so how to do that you know how do you how do you learn to make nineteen gallons of soup that were one bowl of that soup is going to taste good You know, it's quite a skill, actually. And fortunately, as someone said to me, don't worry too much, just follow the recipes. And there was a lot of truth to that because the Zen Center recipe books have been well worked out over many, many years by folks who did know something about cooking. One of whom was the head of my evening cooking crew at the city center. Her name is Deborah Madison. I think I told you the story. Did I tell you the story about Deborah Madison? Maybe not. Well, I'll tell you.

[18:03]

So Deborah Madison, who's written a number of really fine vegetarian cookbooks, she was the head chef at Green's. And when I first arrived, she was on the dinner crew heading that crew that I joined. And so I was kind of nervous around her because I already knew she was kind of one of our stars. So, you know, I... I had this bad habit, or maybe I still have it, of not wanting to admit when I don't know something. You know, I kind of just say, gee, I don't know, or I don't know, or can you please tell me? So there's something about that I should really get over. But I didn't really know very much, as I said, about the kitchens. And so she said to me, would you go turn on the ovens? And I didn't know how to turn on the ovens. And so I didn't tell her I don't know how to do that. these big commercial ovens so i just went over and turned the dials on all three of the ovens and then i went back to cutting my vegetables which i was doing and about five minutes later there was this huge boom and the oven doors blew open

[19:14]

and Deborah Madison, fortunately no one was injured, Deborah Madison looked over at me and I think she mouthed something like, idiot, you know, something like that, rightfully so, rightfully so. So, you know, the kitchen's a dangerous place, and I think I've learned that over the years by a number of things I've done, which have, you know, not major injuries, but enough, you know, cuts and burns and that kind of thing. So one of the things we learn right away in the kitchen, I'm sure this is true in Dogen's kitchen as well, is that, you know, for instance, when you walk around with a knife, we have these knives, which are pretty substantial. There's a whole rack of them. They're very sharp. Then when you carry a knife in the kitchen, you carry it with the point down, you know, next to your side, and you say, knife, as you walk behind people. Knife, you know. So that's one of the things you learn. And if you're going to make a big sound with a blender, we have this giant blender that's kind of like a motor on a speedboat.

[20:16]

It's a huge engine. and you put all the stuff in it that you want to blend, and before you turn it on, you say, noise, so people don't jump. Anyway, so these are the things that we are taught, part of kitchen practice, is how to be safe, how to take care of each other, how to be thoughtful when you're working in a room when there may be eight or nine other people there, and everyone's doing something that potentially could be harmful with the hot. hot things and the sharp things and the heavy things and so on. So there's another major consequential event happened for me and just do a little more autobiographical cooking story. When I was at Tassajara as the Tenzo. The crew was doing something, and they were all busy, and I thought I'd go out in the storeroom and move things around. So we have these big bins full of grains and beans and so on, dry goods. And then we also have what's arrived on the town trip, so big bags, 50-pound bags of beans and grains and so on, dry goods.

[21:25]

So I was moving things around, and I thought, oh, I think I'm going to put that 50-pound bag over there. And I'd been working out. I was pretty strong in those days. This was a number of years ago. And so I was pretty used to doing some heavy lifting. So I picked up the 50-pound bag of rice. I put it on my shoulder and turned at the same time, which is such a no-no. For any of you who have ever done any kind of heavy lifting or heavy work, you don't do that. You don't put heavy things on your shoulder and turn. So anyway, it was about, I don't think I got more than 10 feet through the kitchen when I couldn't walk anymore. My back was completely seized up and I kind of shuffled my way back to my cabin and threw myself on my bed where I stayed pretty much for about a month. You know, and there was no way I could get to the hospital because the Tassar Road is a really long, bumpy road. I could not have gotten into a car. And so I had kind of hippie remedies.

[22:27]

Everybody had a remedy that they were bringing me in. They brought me food and all kinds of stuff. It was amazing, actually, spending that amount of time laying on my back. You know, every time I tried to get up, my back would spasm again. So that was a kitchen thing. You know, that was another thing I learned, which they call the hard way. learning things the hard way. So I'm still very careful with my back. At about the time I was able to start walking again, and I spent a lot of time, they assigned me when I first was able to get up to weeding the lawn so I could crawl, I could crawl on the lawn and weed. I felt more useful at that time. Anyway, one of the young monks who had arrived, oftentimes we get guest monks from Japan, and this one very nice young monk was there, and I was weeding, and he was sympathizing with my pain, and he pointed at his back, and he said, Buddha, that's Buddha.

[23:27]

And I had thought that every time I'm not careful with my back, I remember him pointing and saying, that's Buddha, you take care of Buddha. You know, you be careful. So this again, this is all part of the spirit of kitchen practice, the spirit of everything we do is with that sense of care. You know, knowing your limits, knowing what can cause harm and learning skills. I mean, a lot of this is really just having people to help you to learn. And I think along with this thing I mentioned, this very important idea that you know actually what you do and what you don't know. Knowing what you do and don't know is a very important thing for all of us. Not knowing in Zen is placed on a much higher level than knowing things, as in the saying, not knowing is nearest. When you don't know, you're open to finding out. You have this kind of possibility of learning, like Zen mind, beginner's mind. In the beginner's mind, there are very few possibilities, and the expert's mind...

[24:32]

I'm no sorry opposite and the beginners mind there are kind of infinite numbers of possibilities because you don't know so you're very open to what's possible and the experts mind they're very few possibilities because you know you know how it works and you're kind of cramped in here so I think you know it's just important for us to realize that there's of course there's so much more that we don't understand than what we do understand and knowing that in itself can be a great relief. You can't know. No one can know very far. Our range of knowing is very small. But that doesn't separate us from what we don't know. That's still part of us, too. That's the vastness of our mind, of the three minds, is that they're not limited by just what we know or just what we already experienced. They're unbounded, as they say. So by the time I reached the age of 45, I had been in Zen Center kitchens for, oh, let's see, maybe 10 years or more.

[25:38]

Probably, yeah, 15 years, something off and on. One time or another, either cooking or being the head cook or having my shifts and so on. So when I was 45, I became a mother for the first time. Our little girl, our little baby came. We adopted a little girl. And so having Mittenzo for all those years, you know, first at Tassajara and then later at Green Gulch, somehow I already knew the multiple tasks of childcare, you know, which were already kind of baked in my bones. Things really applied quite well to caring for a child that had applied to learning how to care for vegetables and other people and myself. So, you know, like kitchen practice, I had learned to warm up the food, but not too warm. be careful those microwaves and i learned how to clean up after myself you know as i went along and how to explain things in accordance with the ability of the listener their capacity to understand those are important from mom and also how to keep my mind on the work that i'm doing and not forget where where and when i last saw the child for example you know they do move

[26:50]

and they can get out of sight very quickly. So these are all skills that really were very good. I didn't feel like I was unqualified to have this little living being to care for because so much of what Dogen is teaching is just the same. How does this apply to your life? You know, what does this have to do with your life? As he says to the Tenso, in your day to day life, don't forget these things, not even for a moment. You know, these things you're learning. This is how you, this is what fills up your awareness. your awareness of what's happening, where you are, what needs to be done, and learning the skills to do it. Dogen also says that if the Tenzo, or the parent, or the guest manager, the director, the farmer, the gardener, throw their energy into the work of the day, then both the activity and the method will naturally nurture the seeds of the Buddha Dharma. So just taking care of the unique functions of each Dharma position enables all the residents of our community to carry on their practice in a harmonious way, which is what we're really... That ceremony today was so harmonious.

[27:57]

There was such a feeling of all together, everyone together, rooting for these new young priests and them, you know, really, like I said to one of the young men afterward, there were two women and one young man, and I said, if there's anything I can do to help you or support you, you know, please don't hesitate to ask. And he said, And what about you? Can I help you? Is there something I can do for you? And I just, I felt this kind of really profound wish from both of us, whether we ever are able to do anything for each other or not. But that wish to want to be of help to each other was so touching, you know, so meaningful. Carrying on in the most harmonious way. So I don't know if you remember, but the title that Uchiyama Roshi gives to his translation of the Tenzo Kyokun, if you happen to have that one, is called How to Cook Your Life. How to Cook Your Life, which is sort of the thing I've been talking about just now. How does this cooking or how does your activity actually cook your life, which is really the point of all of this.

[29:02]

You're developing, growing your character. So I do think that learning to manage a kitchen, as I eventually did, was very valuable in my effort to learn about Zen practice. But even more so, it was really valuable in learning about how to cook my life. What it takes to cook a life. It takes a lot of heat. It takes a lot of strength. It takes a lot of time. It takes a lot of help and tension. That you're really into it. You want to. You're asking. for support as these young priests were today. Their sincerity was palpable. So as I've mentioned in previous talks, one of the first questions that I had on arriving at Zen Center was about this word practice. What is this practice? And I remember sitting in class in the dining room at Page Street and a lot of the seniors, teachers who were talking to us, new students, had used that word practice over and over again.

[30:04]

And so I finally asked my first question, then I raised my hand and I said, I know about practicing the clarinet, which I did, and volleyball, which I did, but what is it you're talking about that we're practicing here at the Zen Center? And I think he laughed at my question and I thought, you know, it's still a question, what are we practicing? Practicing what? Practicing for what? For whom do you practice? That was the question that Zenjiu asked the young monks. For whom do you practice the Bodhisattva precepts? And then the teacher who was teaching the class replied with a smile. I began to realize that they weren't laughing at me. They were laughing. Yeah, they were laughing at me, but not unkindly. It was really kind of like they thought I was kind of cute. the question, and I think there was affection, for sure, in the laughing. Anyway, the teacher said something like, we're practicing, like the title of this movie, everything, everywhere, all at once.

[31:10]

You know, right now, whatever's happening, that's our practice. So it's, you can't pick it out, you can't say, well, it's that or it's that. It's like, everything you do, it's all pervasive, you know, there's no, it's boundaryless. And so I had, you know, I'd hoped over these years to see for myself how being sent to the kitchen again and again could be for me, as it was for Dogon, equally valuable to going to the zendo and practicing there or going to the farm or the garden or any place else that every place is practiced. There is no place that doesn't count. Oh, this doesn't count. How I drive my car or how I shop or how I talk to my friends or you know, or my dog, whatever it is, it all counts. It all counts. And we know because it's inside of us, right? So basically, whatever we are, it's wholehearted.

[32:13]

It's the wholehearted part that Dogen's emphasizing. That's really the hallmark of his teaching is, and I said that last week too, is this wholehearted, that our lives being wholehearted, that we don't waste your life. I just wrote on the Han for Enso Village. We're going to have a Han, the board that's struck for signaling the start of Zazen. And, you know, the very last line is, you know, don't waste time. Impermanence is swift. Take good care, you know, of all things. And, you know, don't waste time. So here's the final cooking story from the Zen tradition. I like this one very much. One day Wu Zhao was working as the head cook at a monastery in the Wutai mountains of northern China. When the Bodhisattva of Wisdom Manjushri suddenly appeared above the soup pot while he was cooking, Wu Zhao beat him with his spoon.

[33:16]

Later he said, even if Shakyamuni Buddha were to appear above the pot, I would have beaten him too. So there's this word that appears in Dogen's teaching, this word shikan, which when combined with whatever other word that precedes it, means just or only. Shikan is like only or just. So the style of meditation that we do in Zen Center is called shikan taza, just sitting, just sitting, shikan. So it applies to anything we're doing, shikan, just cooking, just sitting. just working in the garden and so on. So it's this way of understanding practice that runs through all of these instructions that Dogen's giving to the head cooks that apply to everything, really. Just do that. Just what you're doing, do that, wholeheartedly. That's all you really need to know. Of all these teachings, that's probably the piece you could write on a round piece of wood and put in your kitchen.

[34:19]

Just this is it. So Shikan explains why Wuzu hit Manjushri with his spoon. You know, Wuzu was not in the mood for a Dharma lesson at that moment. He was cooking. You know, he didn't want a Dharma lesson, even from the Bodhisattva wisdom himself, who was hovering over his soup pot. Excuse me. You know, he was wholeheartedly focused on making a nourishing meal for the hungry community. So, you know, hit Manjushri with his spoon. Go away. Not now. I'm busy. So I think what makes this story about cooking feel so important to us, as it was for Dogen, is this focus on our everyday activity, the actual world in which we care for everything, our chores, our families. And then we begin to understand that what we do wholeheartedly is at the center of Buddha's awakening as well. He was wholehearted in his sitting. He really wanted to break through the suffering that he felt and that he saw everywhere around him in the world.

[35:23]

You know, he was sitting, as they say, in the center of the flames of suffering, his own, and then, of course, the radiance of the suffering that we're hearing every day. We're hearing about the suffering of the world, you know, in all different forms. It comes to us, you know, through our senses, through our ears and our eyes. A terrible suffering. So this wholehearted sitting just by itself, you know, would be meaningless if its influence didn't continue through the activities of our day. You know, just sitting isn't just sitting. It isn't just sitting. That's not our practice. Just sitting is how we, you know, orient ourselves for the activities of the day. At the beginning of Dogen's Tenzo Kyokan, one of his most important practical essays, as you've been hearing, he writes, I shall now take up the work of the Tenzo covering a period of one complete day. And he does. So one complete day, you know, sounds kind of limited, right?

[36:27]

Someone was saying to me recently, you know, I spent 10 years doing such and such, and I was kind of thinking about that, and I thought, really? There's no such thing as 10 years. That's a concept. You can't do something for 10 years. I mean, you've only got now. You did it now, and then you did something else now, and then you did something else. And if you look at the calendar, you could say, well, gee, that was 10 years. But that's a concept. 10 years doesn't exist. But right now, it doesn't exist either, exactly the way we think. But it's all we've got. So we've got the present. One complete day. And of course, even that is in little bites, little sound bites and vision bites and so on. Because what I was doing this morning sitting in the Zendo is long gone. And what I was doing all morning sitting in the ordination ceremony is long gone, as is the lunch I had when I got home and so on. And my thinking about talking with you, that's all gone.

[37:31]

And here I am talking with you. And pretty soon that's going to be all gone. So, you know, we're just kind of like. I'm just thinking it's like eating corn. You're just one kernel at a time. You're just kind of moving your way along the cob, you know, one kernel at a time. But then we talk about the corn. You know, we talk about the meal. We talk about ten years. You know, let's just talk. Just one complete day is all Dogen's trying to bring up in his teaching to the Tenzo. Let's just talk about one day. One day at a time. Very much a part of the recovery. program is just one day at a time don't think about five years or forever just how about today can you do it today you know maybe maybe you can you know so one day is about all that our ayah practice can reach when we really think about that i really don't remember much about yesterday and i haven't the clue about tomorrow i have no idea what's going to happen and today at least for right now i am intimate with the activity

[38:32]

that I'm doing. It's warm in this room, I can feel the warmth, I can hear the refrigerator, I can see the screen, I can see some of you, not all of you yet. So there is this intimacy with the activity of the present moment. And that's my life. And that's this kernel of corn, the one I'm on right now. Very precious. How do we keep in mind how precious you know this joyful grandmotherly and magnanimous capacity we have to do what we're doing so there is no other activity than the one I'm doing now with the support of all of you and if the entire universe as Carl Sagan famously said if you want an apple pie you first have to make a universe so just this is it with no other it in sight you know she can just this which you know It's kind of funny when you're talking about things like cooking when you're not cooking.

[39:33]

But I think it's okay because talking is just it too. Dōgen is very high value on talking, on language, on thinking. He doesn't dismiss it as sort of secondary activity. You should get it out of the way and stop doing it. It's blocking your view. It is blocking your view if the kind of thinking you're doing is kind of rattled it's just a rattle or a habit or moaning and groaning you know picking and choosing and habitual thinking is not so helpful but thinking clearly you know thinking clearly about particularly about Dharma or instructions to the cook or you know how to fix the refrigerator or whatever it is you're doing thinking clearly and finding the way to do whatever it is you're doing you're engaged with You know, that's important that we hone those skills. The thinking skills are just as important as the cooking skills, you know, and they overlap. You know, I read those recipes, but then I got to let go of the book and go over to the stove. So there's a back and forth there.

[40:35]

Go back to the book. Oh, yeah, okay. Add some salt and go back over the stove. Add some salt and so on and so forth. So this is this iterative thing that we're doing between the activity itself, the experience itself, and how we think about it. or how we learn about it, and so on. So Doga is very specific in his instructions to the cook, specific instructions being very necessary for all of you who know, who would like to cook. And as I said, being afraid of that, not knowing how to cook and being very nervous about it, and I was telling my friends at Zen Center, one of whom was a very good cook, kind of wish they'd send her and not me. And I said, I don't know what to do. I'm the wrong person. And she said, oh, it's fine. Just follow the recipes. And again, it's very helpful to get the manual. It's very helpful. But again, you've got to go to the stove. You've got to go over there and find out what the recipe forgot to mention.

[41:38]

Don't put that many black beans in a pressure cooker and turn it on and walk away. because when I came back a long time later, and the pressure cooker was not doing its normal thing, it wasn't making noise, and I finally was able to lower the temperature enough to take the lid off, inside the pressure cooker was a solid brick of black beans. I mean, it took forever to hack those beans out of there. Too many beans, you can't put that many beans in a pot that size, and they expand. Oh, I didn't know. That's really interesting. So this is how we learn. We learn, and fortunately it wasn't terrible, the outcome, but those are the things that I learned the most from, is those big mistakes. So the point that cooking itself does most of the teaching, you know, the smell of the burnt cookies is some of the things I learned from. Smelling, you learn to smell when cookies are done.

[42:41]

And when they're too much done, that's another thing you can learn really quickly, the smell of something burning. And there's the sound of the pressure cooker. That's important. About to blow. You gotta be really tuned into that one. And breaking glass falling into your stir fry. That was a really famous moment for me when I hit the light above where I was stirring with this big ore and the glass just shattered all over what I was cooking. That's exciting. So these are the kinds of lessons, you know, I think you all have your own stories and you can share some of those if you like. What's the best lesson you ever got about cooking or cleaning or anything else that you've done that you might be willing to share? Certainly welcome you to do that. So that's what I have for ending the discussion of our cooking instruction from Dogen Zenji. And I invite you all to please join in the conversation with whatever you like. Hi, Tim. Please. I have a hopefully short cooking story.

[43:44]

I went to a 10-day retreat in England a long time ago. And it was last minute I hadn't signed up for the retreat at a place called Burma House near Oxford. It was this huge estate. And so there was no center there. It was just a place where people could hold retreats. they people said they needed someone to help cook and so i went to see my teacher john coleman who i was very i liked a lot and i said john should i sit or should i cook and he said at a point in your practice service becomes a very important part of your practice he didn't tell me to cook or not to so that's all i need to say so i volunteered to cook for 10 days for i think it was almost 200 people oh my god it was a huge retreat and i knew how to cook but not like that and fortunately my friends the other three cooks they knew how to cook and i don't think i've ever worked so hard in my life

[44:59]

And there was a group of monks, Theravadan monks there that I was terrified of. We would feed them first. It was an American abbot with Western monks. So he was sent from Thailand to start a, you know, a temple in England. And so we served them every day. And then I found I pieced it together many years later, my friends. now that our theravadan bhikkhunis that monk that abbot was their teacher later on wow uh achan sumedo he's a well-known uh yeah monk and uh have you heard of him of course of course yeah uh that was achan sumedo and it was strange to meet my friends who were uh ayadama dipa and who trained at that monastery and i made the connection i was feeding i was feeding achan tomato back way back when so yeah it's interesting what a gift to you uh yes it's very serving the teacher it's wonderful it's a wonderful thing yeah i i do but i was terrified of them i hadn't never really spent time around monks

[46:24]

And they invited us to sit in their little meditation hall. And part of the Theravadan tradition is meditation on impermanence of the body. We're sitting like at 10 o'clock at night. And one of the young monks, he touches my leg and says, would you like to look at this? He has me a photograph. And they were holding an all-night vigil in the quarter moon. And it was... okay i hope no one's shocked by this uh it was a picture of someone that had been in crushed in an industrial machine in asia that was what they were using as their body and permanence contemplation object and i of course i was very young and i just went oh yeah yeah they go to the charnel grounds and sit with the bodies as they different stages of decay That was, they didn't have any decaying bodies, so that was their substitute.

[47:26]

Wow. Thai style. You didn't feed, they stopped eating at noon, right? Yeah, yeah, we would serve them at 11 in the morning. Yeah, and then chocolate and fruit later in the day or something like that? They call them allowables. Yeah, maybe, but they were, I'm not sure they did that. They were pretty, that was the Achan Cha tradition. Very disciplined and I don't think, I think they just had tea. Well, very, very wonderful to be around them. I have been a bit and I always feel, yeah, quiet, they quiet me down. Yes, I feel that by talking to you. believe it or not it quies me down a lot talking to you so good all right thank you oh it's pretty quieting believe me yeah uh all right uh thanks for sharing that tim thank you thank you yeah about your your training background too thank you yeah thank you

[48:36]

Kitchen stories, those are good ones. Anything. Anything you want to bring up is fine. We're going to be shifting. Oh yeah, great. Thank you, Breck. Well, hi. How nice to see you. This is Breck, everyone. Are you in England now? No, no. I'm in Maryland. There's a hotel room behind me. Wonderful. Great. So I've just dropped in on the last, well, this week and two weeks ago. So I've been an interloper. Oh, you're welcome. It's the best kind. Thank you. And what I wanted to... to say was, I've been also reading the Avatamsaka Sutra.

[49:50]

And the contrast between that and Dogen's practical writing is very distinct. I wouldn't say it was a psychedelic experience, but it was a very different kind of experience to read. the Indian sutras, I guess, the Indian-based sutras. And I find that Dogen's writing, his practical writings, are so much better suited to the way I am, I guess, is the way to put it. And it just resonates for me. And I didn't really realize that until these two evenings with you. to afternoons with you. Well, I have that Avatamsaka Sutra going on in my life too because of our teacher that we share who's really into it right now.

[50:53]

And some of you may be joining that as well. It's a trance induction. It's noted for that. And so if you read it, if you spend an hour reading it, you will become enchanted and quieted and sort of atomized it's sort of like there's nothing you can get a hold of no narrative there's no you know there's no kitchen there's no there's no cooking going on there's no eating going on it's it's just this ethereal plane of you know glow kind of glowing beans i don't know exactly what's going on there but it's um it's part of our imagination that we can do that that's the past capacity of our mind I call this the Imaginarium. You know, the capacity of our minds to imagine, you know, beyond the present, beyond seeing you, beyond, you know, I can think there's another room over there.

[51:54]

I can think all kinds of things and universes. Now we're beginning to see some of them. It looks like the Avatom Sutra when you look through that telescope, the web, you know, it's like, oh my God, that's what they were. talking about so i think coming in and out it's like an accordion i think we go into the kitchen practice realm the relative truth where we have relationships with people and things to do and then there's this vastness and the avatom sacrosutra is definitely on that scale it's the accordion when it's opened out all the way before they start making noise with it you know yes yes Yes, and the light that emanates from every pore of the Buddha emanates into oceans of beings and atoms and on and on. Uh-oh, you've been cooked. Oh, yeah. You just read chapter four by any chance? That sounds like chapter four. Yeah, I started it. But the introduction was the best part for me.

[52:55]

But I studied physics when I was in college. And so the notion of the tiny and the atomic and subatomic is not foreign. But the way it's expressed, as opposed to which has been what I've gravitated to over the decades, which is whatever I do in my life is, I hope, an expression of my Buddha nature practice. Yes, it is. It's guaranteed that it is. Buddha said so. So you just have to take his word for it or her word for it. Yeah, I can't help myself. Can't help yourself. Can't miss. You know that story, Kategori Roshi, shooting arrows at a, he's a Kyoto expert, you know, he can damage me's archery. And he was set up at Esalen to do a demonstration. So he's got his whole outfit on and everything, that big long bow, and he goes out there. The target is set at the edge of the cliff.

[54:00]

And then before he shoots, he turns the bow and shoots it into the ocean. And someone says, you know, why did you do that? And he said, can't miss. Indeed. Indeed. Well, thank you, Rex. Good to see you. Thank you. Good to see you as well. Dean. Hi, Poo. So I think in my mind, this question came up during your talk. So to me, it's got something to do with what we're talking about. I'm not sure how yet, but you had mentioned the word character that, well, probably in most things, most positions, but

[55:02]

one's character will come out or will be present in this case, this person who is a Tenzo. And I'm wondering about the word temperament and character and temperament. And if you have any thoughts or ideas about how... I mean, we see what happens to character. When you said that, I started thinking about it. And I started thinking of working in the kitchen. And, you know, I always made the same meal. It doesn't matter. I made the same. I cooked the same meal every single time because it was it just I love doing that. It's the same thing. And it's like, wow, it could be good every time or it cannot be good sometimes. But. I can't quite figure out, but I know the character part, but where does temperament come in and what happens with temperament in this practice?

[56:11]

Well, I don't have a teaching story about that, but I do have a thought of my own. You know, temper is sort of like your emotions, right? What's your temper? You lost your temper. You lost your temper. Tempering something is also about character, right? So you temper steel. You hit it and you fold it and you hit it and you fold it. It gets sharp and strong. So in a little bit, tempering is character building or strengthening of your character. Losing your temper, however, or temperamental, you know, that seems like a temper tantrum. Those seem like on the negative end of the spectrum that you haven't done that that transformation of your temper that you haven't tempered, you know, tempering. So I think we use that language to try to understand maybe these emotionalized conceptualizations. So you're thinking things and you're really upset about them and you're really passionate.

[57:15]

Someone once said that compassion is combed passion. So you have passion, we have passion, we have temper, we all came in with that with our preferences and our in our hysteria and our anger and everything else jealousy and lust we've got all those built into us so as we grow older coming to terms with that like learning how to play a piano you've got all these keys so how do you do that skillfully how do you work with emotions in a skillful way so you're not just you know making noise and making everyone run away from you you know so you kind of want to learn skills so that people like having your round maybe it's as simple as that It's just like, I like it if people don't mind me being there. I like to be able to go in places and feel like I know how to behave in a way that's not going to create kind of energy field of like, could you go out of here now? So I think it's all in there, all that kind of stuff that we were trying to learn as kids and people were trying to teach us and still trying to learn of how to get along.

[58:27]

How to harmonize. Harmony. Singing together. That's all about nobody's standing out. Nobody's yelling. Nobody's on top of everybody else. We're all kind of something like that. I don't know if that is along the lines that you were thinking. I guess what I was wondering is character because it almost sounds like character is the good thing and temperament's not necessarily a good thing. I know that that's not what it is, but it's easy to go there. So character, it almost sounds like character is something that's developed in a particular practice, whereas temperament may be something that is, like you said, I don't know if honed would be as good a word, but It's just worked with.

[59:28]

It's something that you work with, whereas character almost seems it's not really something that one works with. It's something that emerges. Is that? Well, yeah, from your temper. I mean, from your kind of temperament. Maybe you're very calm. Maybe you have the temperament of someone who's very calm and easy to be with from when you were really little. Or maybe you were a really difficult kid. So whatever your temper happens to be when you start off, it's really about your own wish. How is it working for me to be having this kind of reactivity? Not so good. I had to make my own decisions about that. What I wanted to do about my character. Do I want to grow my character? Do I want to use my temperament and become skillful so that the anger is actually purposeful? It's like I'm really upset that you almost hurt yourself there. You know, that really obsessed me, you weren't being careful.

[60:30]

So if my anger can be channeled around caring for others or something, and not just my own selfish interests, then I think you're beginning to grow your character. And I do think character is a positive regard, like someone of good character, we talk about it like that. Whereas temperament seems neutral. It's more like, what are you working with? What came in the door with you when you were born? now what are you going to do with that what kind of uh you know which end of the spectrum are you do you find yourself on and uh yeah thank you you're welcome hey melissa i saw your hand hello everyone thank you fu sensei for the talk tonight um and thank you dean for um for your question because it arose in me and i'm sorry to chime in after the six o'clock mark but um i've been pondering this question of if buddha nature is my original nature why do i have to work so damn hard for it and what is the process of that i'm going through in order to realize something that

[61:50]

is apparently inborn in me and that contradiction. And I, you know, in my darker moments, I think that my, I don't think my childhood was one that fostered love. And so I do at times feel like, well, I'm not programmed to love because I don't know what that is. I haven't seen it. And so there's that why does it why do i have to work so damn hard to get to a core and is that core still my core if i've never actually known it this is dogan's question darn it you're in good company you're in very good company why do we have to practice so hard if you're already buddha That's what drove him to Japan on that little leaky boat. I'm reminded of that now.

[62:53]

Thank you for that. You don't need to do that. You don't need to risk your life to go find it. You can read the books. You can talk to the ones who made it over here and so on. Gave us the lessons that we needed. Yes, it's already true. And as Suzuki Roshi said, you are perfect the way you are. And there's room for a little improvement. So that's encouraging. It's not just like you're worthless, you're hopeless, there's no chance that you're going to get anywhere or get anything out of it. No, you're already perfect. And wouldn't that be dull if you didn't have to do anything? I mean, what the heck, you know? This is a great assignment to be you and to have the intelligence and the capacity to work and the capacity to learn and to learn love. That's the one you want. Did I think I told you guys that there was a... One of the teachers told me she was studying koans and she had the privilege of driving a Japanese Rinzai teacher.

[63:55]

And so she was kind of stuck a little bit on some of the koans. And so she asked him, she could ask him a question, can you tell me the answer to the last koan? And he's an old guy and he said, yes, it's love. last koan so we'll know it we'll know it when we know it you know when we finally have located you know where in my body is that i felt so much love today i'm sorry you guys weren't all there it was the most beautiful love fest of kind of love that i really trust like everybody's in it's not just you know you and some other person that kind of love i don't know about that one that's very nice but it's really tricky and so what you really want is universal love that you have a great base like everybody's in your is in your love boat with you you know and you let them know that and they let you know that sangha

[65:05]

Thank you. You're welcome. Michael? Here you go. Hello, Michael. Hello, Sangha. I couldn't let this session go by without sharing a kitchen story. Oh, good. I've worked in... in the kitchen quite a bit over the years, Zen kitchen. And I've been the Tenzo on several occasions. One of the things that I always worked with in the kitchen was knowing when I had the right amount of food. I always had this concern that there wouldn't be enough.

[66:15]

And I think that's something that I've looked at rather closely as a result, just in everyday life. When do you have enough? When is enough enough? And so... Anyway, the story I wanted to share was my downfall was always around chili. And the first time I was in the kitchen as the Tenzo, I was preparing a chili and I didn't have real large, you know, a big dining hall. There was usually 12 to 16 of us eating. But Nonetheless, I had this pot of chili going and, you know, everything's got to be moving along and the food has got to be ready for the Soku when it's time to hit the door.

[67:21]

So I was getting a little bit behind and in a rush. And right at the end, I grabbed the chili powder and I was adding it. I was adding it to the chili. I kept stirring it in and tasting it. And there's nothing there. There's no heat. So I kept adding and adding. And then all of a sudden, I realized that my chili was starting to turn kind of a funny-looking color. And I then realized that what I was adding to the chili was curry powder. Oh, God. That's the famous Indian chili. How did that go over with your guests? Well, yeah, it was very interesting. Some people thought it was a very inspired recipe. Right. You can go into that kitchen now and still find utensils laying around that are yellow, you know, ladles and spoons that have just turned this fluorescent yellow.

[68:35]

That's a good one. Thank you for that, Michael. Yeah, they put warnings on the chili. I thought you were going to say that you had put chili powder, but there's warnings on the chili labels because chili expands exponentially. It's like a tablespoon of chili is like a gallon. You really have to be careful. Like a teaspoon is plenty. So whenever the kitchen makes the mistake of too much... chili powder. It's really amazing because your eyes are watering and you're trying to finish the bowl of chili and you know you're probably burning your internal organs. Anyway. I did have a chili go out once. I had put some peppers in that were not mild. I thought they were mild, but they were hot. And so, you know, the food made its way around the saga. And And so when the practice leader, who I was sitting relatively close to, picked up that bowl of chili, and of course, everybody was waiting for him to take his first tasting so everyone can follow suit.

[69:49]

Well, I'm watching him out the corner of my eye, and he brings the spoon to his mouth. He puts it back down, and then he just turns and looks right at me. And he barks. He barks across his endow. Someone put a snake in my beans. Yeah, a bit. That's a good one, too. I just wanted to disappear. Yeah, of course. Yeah. But these stories don't. It doesn't matter. They just linger on, you know. The good meals, I forgot about those, but the ones where things went wrong, they were really in here forever. Thank you, Michael. Good to see you. Okay. Wonderful to see you all. I'm going to go on gallery view. I'm on gallery, yeah.

[70:55]

See all the... Faces and names, and thank you all for coming and wish you the best in your cooking enterprises this week. So next week, we're going to start on Uji, Time Being. Rishi, if you have a chance to read the fast quote, it's in many places. You can get it online, but Munan and Doudrop has Uji translation that Zen Center uses. The book I mentioned too that Senju Roberts did on Time Being, which i am planning to get out of the bookstore tomorrow and start to read so you'll be ahead of me if you already have it um so that that would be a nice thing for for your library if you if you um if you would like so thank you again and good night and uh or good morning for those of you in the other side of the world welcome to unmute and say good night if you like Thank you. Good night. You've got me thinking of Thanksgiving coming up here.

[71:55]

Good night, everyone. Good night. Thank you, everyone. Have a great week, everyone. See you next week. Take care. Bye. Blessings. Take good care. Yes, you too. Brad, very nice to see you. See you soon. We'll have a meeting. Very nice to be here. Yes. See you next weekend. Thank you. Great. Look forward to it. Bye-bye.

[72:23]

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