Good evening. Good evening. So tonight I want to start by telling a story about Tatsumahara. Maybe my ears aren't big enough. Because a few of the students are here, I guess one of them has been telling this story and they wanted to know my version. So... I'm going to tell it, and I think I can make it relate to what I'm going to talk about later. So for now, let's just say that this is two times when the situation did not go as planned. So in the late 80s, Zen Center decided that we should rebuild the old bathhouse. So the old bathhouse... Some of you have been there. A lot of you have been there, but some of you haven't.

[01:00]

But basically you pass it on your way to the new bathhouse, and it's on the other side of the creek. And the construction crew, which was headed by Gene DeSchmidt, and had many local people from Jamesburg and Monterey working on it, did a great job of rebuilding the old bathhouse so that it basically looked like the old, old bathhouse. except that the water could actually go through the pipes because they weren't corroded and the water wasn't seeping into the walls instead of going where you wanted it to go. So they rebuilt it, very nicely done. And then a few years later, we decided that we should also rebuild the old steam rooms, which you can also see on your way to the bathhouse. It's that little building on the other side of the creek where the hot springs are coming out. It was a beautiful old, you know, basically the steam rooms were built right over the hot springs.

[02:02]

So there was very little technology involved. You just went over there and went into the steam room, and there you were sitting above the hot springs. But the walls were sandy. It was starting to, like, fall off. So we thought it would be a good idea to rebuild it, but we knew from rebuilding the bathhouse that the county was going to have some things to say about it, and we assumed... that they would want the walls to be thicker than they were. And the way it was set up was the men's steam room was close to the old bathhouse, to the bathhouse, and the women would walk over there and walk behind the old steam room, behind the steam room, and to get to the other side, the women's side. So if, and it was right next to the wall, the cliff is right there, and there was this little path that would go behind. if they made us make the walls any bigger, there wasn't going to be room for the path. So we, not me, but somebody, maybe Paul, I don't know.

[03:11]

Somebody, I wasn't going to say probably Paul, but I was going to say something in a way worse. Anyway, somebody, somebody's probably had the idea that maybe we should dynamite that hill to make enough room for the path. But we were wise enough, I guess, to decide to have a soils engineer come down and look at the mountainside and decide whether it was safe to dynamite it. So they came down in August. I think it was 96th. Around then, anyway. And these soils engineers, and they went and looked at the hillside and were talking to us about what, I don't even remember what they said, because they also, at that time, there were some rocks coming down on the, on the women's side of the old bathhouse was a sun deck up, like above the reservoir that you see over there now.

[04:18]

There was a deck where people would lay out in the sun. Women would lay out in the sun. And there were rocks that were starting to come down on that deck. Small rocks, little rocks. So since these soil engineers were here, we thought we should ask them to look at that hillside and see whether there was anything we could do to stop the rocks from coming down. Put a fence up or remove some of them or something. So we asked them to go over and look at that hillside. And they went over there and they saw, and you can still see it to this day. Right above where the plunges were, which were in the middle of the building, in the middle of the building, it was the women's side, the men's side, and the two plunges were in the center, like now. And right above it was a big rock, like maybe a fourth of this room, something like that. Big rock sitting up there, and it looks like it's sitting on a slant like this.

[05:21]

And they looked at it, and they looked at the moss that was at the bottom of the rock, and they felt very certain that that rock had moved within the last five years by the way the moss was torn or something. And they, who had been happily at Tassajara doing the things you do at Tassajara, had been to the baths and whatnot. They refused to go into the plunges anymore. I'm like, oh, no. So we, those of us who are here at Tassajara, told the students and the guests that this had happened and said, go to the plunge at your own risk. You know, don't go to the plunge if you feel worried about this. So the, you know, at the next few mornings, you'd walk across the bridge after breakfast and the guests would be sitting there and talking about, well, what are you going to do today? Oh, I'm going to go risk my life at the best. I don't know. Maybe somebody didn't go. But we didn't hear much about that.

[06:22]

But word got back to the Zen Center board that these experts had said this rock was a danger of falling down. And of course, they felt like, we can't be responsible for this. You have to close the baths. So we did. And luckily, it was August, and the poor guests limped through by going in the creek, I guess, as long as they stayed away from the plunge. I don't remember what we did. But anyway, Zen Center, so that's one time that things started happening. It was not as it was planned. This was not our plan at all. And in fact, it was the fastest thing I've ever seen Zen Center do. It's okay. You just sit there and relax. I'm not going to pull you into this. I'm just going to tell this story. Good. I didn't think it was. Where was I?

[07:26]

So Zen Center leaped into gear, called our wonderful architect and our builder who had built the bathhouse before, and they started planning for building a new bathhouse. So this is at the end of August, and usually we plan things for numerous years and then work up to... But we went to the county, got the permits. They were very helpful. We planned this beautiful new bathhouse, which actually turns out to be for the students way better than the old bathhouse because the old bathhouse in the wintertime was almost the whole time completely in very cold shade of the mountain, like the sun never got over there. Now the bathhouses every day get sunlight you know, some kind of sunlight, unless it's cloudy, and also has heated floors from the hot springs water, so it's great. But it was kind of nerve-wracking.

[08:31]

Here's this construction project that just had to start, like, right at the end of the guest season, and they had to be ready to go, and they did this fabulous job. So they, we moved a tent yurt. The students took apart and carried a tent yurt from right where the bathhouse is almost a little closer to the road to farther out, close to where the retreat hall is now. And then we had to build up that bank there. There wasn't enough room for the bathhouse. So they had a bulldozer and they were bringing sand, essentially the soil that's here from the end of the flats to And there's lots of gabions and all kinds of rock and wire and cement underneath where the bathhouse is now, holding that bathhouse in place. And then covered with soil, mostly sand from here.

[09:34]

And so there was a bulldozer bringing this soil and sand from the end of the flats to where the bathhouse is. And lo and behold, they discovered a human... skeleton, part of a human skeleton, dumped out a load of sand, there were bones from a human skeleton. This is definitely not as planned if you're trying to do a fast construction project. You know, it's a huge thing, especially in a historical area like we're in, you know, that here it was. So the construction crew went out to the end of the flats, found the whole skeleton, and took it immediately to the corner in Monterey, and it was identified as a Native American. I'm not totally sure if they could identify it as Esalen or, so this also goes with this class we've been having, whether they could identify it as Esalen or they just assumed it was because it was in this area. But they called the Esalen Tribe.

[10:36]

They're actually, we didn't know, but there are two branches of the Esalen Tribe. One is the branch that's somewhat centered up the road from us, our neighbors, the Nasons. And they actually called the other branch, who also turned out to be really nice people, and gave them these bones. And they discovered the coroner, discovered they're not real ancient bones. They were about 100 years old. So that was... Already at that time, there would have been white people here at Tassajara. It was already a resort by then. So it's very unclear what happened. There was no sign of trauma or anything. So whether this body washed downstream or whether this was someone who worked here and was buried there, or we really don't know. But the bones were returned to the Esalen tribe. And these...

[11:37]

Two women from the Esalen tribe came to Tassahara. They had the bones at their place, wherever, in Salinas or somewhere, and then came to meet us and to just feel, what did it feel like here? What did they want to do with these bones? And Gene, the contractor, walked around with them, met them, maybe drove them in, but met them and walked around with them. While they were here, they introduced us, showed where they'd found the bones. While they were here, a couple of things happened that they were very happy with. They saw as signs. One was they were walking down past the lower garden, and they said an eagle. An eagle swooped down into the garden and caught a rabbit. Rabbit. Squirrel. Probably a squirrel. And flew up again. And this... They thought it was very auspicious. Also, the people here were very nice to them, of course.

[12:41]

And when they went back to their car, up in the sky was this cloud that was in the shape of the skeleton. Christine took a picture of. So they went back and discussed it with their elders and decided to bring the bones back here, which they did. They first, one of their tribe, carved a totem. a staff, and they came back at some point, I think over the winter interim, and just did a ceremony, which we were not invited to, and insured this Native American's bones up on the hill over here and put staff up there. I haven't ever seen it. I imagine that by now it's burned up in the fire, but I don't know for sure. Who knows? But anyway... That was another time when things did not go as planned, but it was quite a beautiful event. Okay, that's your history lesson.

[13:44]

Now I want to talk to you about, as I've said before, I'm lecturing this summer from the Only a Buddha and a Buddha text by Dogen, which was translated by Kaz Tanahashi, who was just here doing the calligraphy. workshop, and Ed Brown, who will be here later this summer. And this section of it is really my favorite section. And it's my favorite section. Of course, it's one of my favorite sections. But the reason this one is a favorite is it is so current. You can hardly believe, or I can hardly believe that Dogen was saying this. So, to me, it seems very apropos. my, our life now. So it starts out, long ago, a monk asked an old master, when hundreds, thousands, or myriads of objects come all at once, what should be done?

[14:49]

So even though this says, long ago, a monk asked an old master, I think we could change this to today, a student at Tassajara, or a guest from Monterey or some such person that we know very well, asked their friend or their teacher or even said to themself, when hundreds, when all these things happen at once, when they come to me and they ask me to do this and then they say it like that and then these things, I have these feelings and when all that happens at once, what should I do? Can you imagine such a thing? I can imagine such a thing, that such a statement might be made. So, lucky for us, this monk asked an old master, so he asked our question, when hundreds or millions of things all come at once, what should be done?

[16:01]

What should I do? And the master replied, Don't try to control them. Don't try to control them. In some ways, it's like a dagger in my heart. What? Don't try to control them? But what do I do then? And when I'm in touch with this, and when I hear myself saying, what should I do? You know that tone of voice? What should I do? I try to remember, one way to say don't try to control them is actually, when you're talking like that, nothing. Don't do anything. Because control is so much the mode that we're in at that point.

[17:03]

Like, what can I do to make this situation work? So don't try to control them. Sounds simple. I think it's a deep, you know, it's touching something really deep in us, some sense of self, you know, some way about who am I if I can't have something to say about these things that are coming, you know, these things that are happening. in my life and in my body, in my mind, you know? It's so much me. And the answer is, don't try to control them. Dogen goes on to explain what, in fact, he says, what he means is that in whatever way objects come, do not try to change them.

[18:03]

Whatever... Whatever comes is the Buddha Dharma, not objects at all. Now, if we're thinking of the things that might make us say, what should I do? Things that put us in that state where we are feeling overwhelmed, threatened, stressed, Like we can't make it work. Like it's in grave danger of getting out of hand. That makes us say, what do I do? What do I do? And then what this old master, according to Dogen, is saying, however they're coming, don't try to change them. They're not actually things. They're not actually... He doesn't say this, but we could maybe say they're not actually problems.

[19:09]

They might feel like problems, but actually they're Buddha Dharma. In another place right near this, in this fascicle, Dogen says, or he's quoting somebody, but I'm not sure who. So Dogen says, the whole universe is the gate of liberation. This is the same statement. The whole universe is the gate of liberation. He says, the entire universe is the gate of liberation means that you are not at all entangled or captivated. So even though you might feel entangled, even though you might feel caught, Dogen is saying, no, no, no, no, this is the gate of liberation. You're not really taught. The entire universe is undivided from the moment, the ages, the mind, and words, and anything else you can think of.

[20:24]

The entire universe that he's talking about, which is the gate of liberation, according to him, is undivided from these things that are making us feel free. stressed, to put it briefly. This limitless and boundless experience is the entire universe. The experience that we're having right now, which seems out of control, seems limitless, seems boundless, also seems entangling and trapping and maybe the opposite of limitless and boundless. like we're caught in a corner, is the entire universe that is the gate of liberation. Then he goes on to say, even if you intend to enter or go through this gate of liberation, so let's say, okay, this is a hard situation, I'm having a hard time with what that person's doing, or...

[21:34]

what they said to me or what they're asking me to do or what I'm feeling about it. I'm having a hard time, but I... Dogen said, Buddha said, Leslie said, somebody said, it might be the gate of... It is the gate of liberation. So, okay, I'm going to go through that gate of liberation and get liberated. I'm going to do it. He says... Even if you intend to enter or go through this gate of liberation, it cannot be done. If you intend to seek outside of what is, nothing will be attained. So our sneaky intention to go through this gate of liberation, whatever that means, to get past this situation, to get free of it, to go through it.

[22:35]

You know, we have often, we have, again, maybe this is familiar to you, some idea in our mind, if I just practice hard enough, if I just am really concentrated, if I just like really be calm with these feelings that are happening and go through them, then I'll be free. gate of liberation, right? Sounds like he's talking about the same thing, but now he says, if that's how you're thinking, forget it. We're still imagining something other than what is. That we have to just be right where we are with whatever's arising. And then, to top it off, he says... Do not understand the master's reply as merely an admonition, as some instruction about what to do. Don't imagine that's what the old wise master is telling you.

[23:39]

Just don't control them. Don't imagine that that's what he's telling you what to do. Instead, it's just the truth. They cannot be controlled. So this isn't something that we choose to do because we're practicing so hard. This is something that's happening every day in every way. Whatever comes, it cannot be controlled. Again, I kind of like dagger to the heart of my view of how the world should be nice for me. It's not just telling us it would be good if you practice this way. It's much bigger than that, much more uncontrolled than that.

[24:41]

It's that things can't be controlled. We're so, I think, if we could get a glimpse of how out of control things are, it would pretty much scare us. You know, part of why we think about, well, what can I do about this, is really to avoid the issue of how out of control things are. And we think about the future because, of course, I mean, sometimes we really want to control the past, but a lot of the time we want to control the future because that's the one we're still going to have to deal with. So, you know, we think about it and, well, what should I do now or what should I do tomorrow in order to control the future? You know, but the future, or when we think we have a decision to make, we think about the future. Well, should I do this or should I do that? As if there was a choice out there. But really, the future's not there.

[25:43]

It's, you know, it's not there. There's the past, sort of. I mean, the past happened, and it's contained in the present, which is now. Not the present that was here a moment ago. Now there's another present. It's contained in it and it made the present. And now it's making this new present. And now it's making this new present. But past now, there's nothing. It's not there yet. Now we have this... I think... Anyway, I do. And I've heard other people talk this way, so I think... A lot of people do have a sort of idea that our future is out there, especially if we're thinking, what should I do? If we're thinking, well, should I stay at Tassajara or should I go back to school or should I be nice to that person tomorrow or tell them what I think?

[26:46]

Or, you know, so many possibilities that we feel like we need to decide about. And when we're thinking that way, I think we often think, well, what would be the right thing to do? Would it be this or would it be that? Sort of as if there are at least two paths out there, maybe more out there, and one of them is the right thing to do. The right thing so that my life will continue in the way I want it to go so I can control it. And, you know, have the kind of life I want to have. And if I could just think this through again and figure out what would be the best thing to do. What is that or is it this? But I think it's not like that. You know, those things are not really out there.

[27:49]

They seem like they're out there and like... Either I'll say this to this person or I won't say it to this person. Either I'll stay at Tassajara or I'll go back home or all those possibilities. It's very hard for us to actually be here and not imagine, believe that some future that we recognize is out there. And maybe it will be. It often is. But we don't know what goes into making it. We can't really plan it from here. It's okay. We can have plans. It's fine to have plans. But it's wise to know that your plans are just a part of making the future. And there's, you know, 98% is out of our control. So to sit right here in the present or stand or walk or talk, to live right in the present, letting the future happen with our plans being part of it, with having some intention to do this or that and moving toward that when the universe supports us to do that.

[29:17]

That's human activity and it's... good to do people appreciate it when you do it but to actually be able to live freely in this moment knowing or at least once in a while knowing how out of control it is takes a tremendous amount of trust and I believe that's what Sazen is actually about like sit down and trust for 40 minutes, half an hour, five minutes, that the world will take care of itself and that your being is a part of that. And see if it's true. And if it is, maybe we start to be able to live a little more that way in our more active lives. So that's the message from Dogen and the Old Master tonight.

[30:21]

Don't try to control it because it cannot be controlled. Life is flowing along and we are flowing along with it, which doesn't mean that we don't have an effect. We are completely part of what is going to make the future. Everything we do, in fact, has an effect on the future. So we have to do our best. but that doesn't mean we can make it turn out a certain way. So I think I will stop there and let me see how much time we have, but probably we have time for some questions so you can help me make sure I didn't say anything that was, we only have a little bit of time, so ask a really good question. Yes, yes. The way you started out with the story and how the Native Americans we're kind of looking for some signs as to what to do.

[31:25]

Yes. So in relation to what you're talking about, it's like being open to the environment, to see whether it's an outside agency. Yes. Nature, God, whatever, that it's not all up to us. Yes. So there's that kind of humility. And even, as you said, you know, maybe an outside agency or maybe an inside, I don't know about agency, but an inside event that is also not, possibly not up to us, but that we are living and that is making our future. And can we allow it to be part of making our future without fighting against it so much? Amen.

[32:33]

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