This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good evening, everyone. My name is Nancy Petron. For those who we have not yet met, I'm a former San Francisco Zen Center resident. and a lay teacher in Suzuki Roshi's lineage. And currently, I am the spiritual life coordinator at Enzo Village. Enzo Village is a zen-inspired senior living community. It is a venture, a project of San Francisco Zen Center and Kendall Corporation, which is a

[01:00]

a Quaker group who runs senior retirement communities. And this is the first Zen-inspired senior living community that we know of. So this is where the San Francisco Zen Center elders are going to retire. So of the 220 apartments, It's a big place, something like that. 20 of those apartments are for Zen Center elders, retirees. So together, Enzo Village just opened nine months ago, and the residents have started moving in. And together, we are now... trying to understand what is a Zen-inspired community.

[02:01]

Because it's not something that is packaged up, delivered, and then laid out. Actually, it's coming from the community itself. So it's very... Zen is central to Enzo Village in that In the middle of the courtyard, there is a zendo. And it's designed after the Tassajara zendo. And it has a lot more chairs than this zendo. So on the east and west side, we left the tons in the zendo. We very quickly realized there was a big design flaw. It should have no tons at all, actually. So the people who are sitting in chairs in front of the tan look at a zafu and a zabutan. Perhaps they used to sit on one, and now they're sitting in a chair.

[03:04]

So my understanding is that in Japan, when practitioners get to the age where they no longer sit cross-legged, that they no longer sit zazen. They take up other temple... responsibilities and practices, sutra copying, and taking care of the temple, but that they do not sit zazen in chairs. Is this true, Hiro? Jisho Warner told me this. She had practiced in Yura-san. Do they sit zazen in chairs in Japan? Yeah, I think so. Oh, really? Yeah. OK. The priest. The priest. OK. Well, then I have to rewrite my dharma talk. So, you know, looking around the Enzo zendo, I feel so humbled to see these practitioners, you know.

[04:20]

Some of our senior-most teachers now are sitting in chairs, you know, and some of them are coming to the zendo in pared-down robes. Perhaps they're just wearing their rakasus to zazen. And it really is this generation, you know? I look around, and I'm just like, they were the counterculture generation. They are pioneers yet again in trying to figure out what Zen in America looks like now that they are reaching the ages that they are reaching. Also, this is the generation that was the fertile ground that Suzuki Roshi brought Zen to America. I'm very humbled by them. Yet again, they, you, some of the practitioners up here in this room, are pioneers understanding what it is to practice in a community, a Zen-inspired community.

[05:35]

It's not a practice community per se. It's a senior living facility. And there are practitioners of all traditions there. So there are Vipassana, Vajrayana, Tibetan Buddhists. There are Sufis. There are Diamond Heart practitioners. There are Quakers. And when Enzo Village first opened, everything was still under construction. And the zendo wasn't done, wasn't finished. And so we set up a temporary zendo in Friendship Hall. And we set up, I set up... and had the chairs facing out towards the walls. And very quickly, I was getting feedback from the residents that many of them had had experiences with Zen and that they weren't necessarily great experiences and that they actually would rather sit facing in.

[06:39]

And they didn't like so many forms or so many bows, you know. So I really started to move with the feedback I was getting. There were certain things like, yes, we're going to sit facing out because when the zendo is ready, we are going to be facing the wall. And kind of just as few bows as possible to get into to one seat and and out of the meditation hall as possible. The other day, Jim said to me, after being here at Tassajara, I will never again complain about the forms at Enzo Village. So, let's see where they are. So, you know, we're really, I'm, again, trying to keep it as pared down

[07:41]

but not watered down, that we don't want performative things at Enzo Village. Like, it really truly needs to come from practice what we set up there at Enzo Village. So finding our way as a community is very dynamic. It's very wonderful. And... We're trying to figure out, what does Zen-inspired even mean? Oh, I did want to mention, now that the Zendo is open, there are other groups that have meditation time in the Zendo as well. At 9.15 every day, there's a sitting that's very open. It's formless. There's no forms. There are a few bells to begin and to end the meditation, but the chairs are facing inward.

[08:47]

So we are figuring this out so that people's practice is supported, it is respected, that these practitioners feel seen in this community, and that there are offerings. for them to be supported in their practice. One of the other things that is very moving to me about being in the Zendo and being practicing with this group is that people have moved to Enzo Village, sold their homes for the most part, and really entered this last chapter of their life with this huge not knowing of what this is and still creating it together. When I see them sitting in the Zendo, you know, I think Susan said to me the first day I met her when she was moving in, she said, well, here we are, we've all come here to die.

[09:56]

And I was like, oh, hi, my name's Nancy. So there's a way that of normalizing aging, of normalizing practice, sitting upright and clear-eyed straight up to through the end and beyond. So it's hard to keep up with this community. They have so much energy. They want to do so many things. And then they have, oh, So-and-so's not here. Oh, she had a little stroke yesterday. It's like, oh, we'll put that on pause until she's feeling better and we can have the offering of the paramitas class. So it's this full-on and then adjusting along the way as is life. I was thinking that the famous...

[11:03]

Chinese painting of the two blind men on the bridge together finding their way across the river on the bridge. It reminds me of us in community. So the teaching now of finding our way together at Enzo Village, it does remind me of this microcosm of the predicament, actually, of our time. And it is how do we go together? How do we move forward as a community? How do we move forward together? And coming back to this point of what is most important when we were thrown into sheltering in place, all of our Zen forms were thrown out the window.

[12:09]

And Catherine, wish you so, down here at Tassajara when that happened. I was Tonto at city center and head of practice, the one who brings us along together. And... It was as it was for all of us, wherever we were. You know, we were all thrown online. And so much of our practice is, you know, warm hand to warm hand. We're modeling practice for each other. You know, as we've been doing this week here together, you know, Miyoko trying to lead us together, you know, as we're all facing and the 10 directions for our vows. But it brought up this question that I kept coming back to, that we kept coming back to, is when there's no zendo, and there's dharma talks online, and there's no ceremony, there's no ritual, there's no body to body, how do we practice together, you know?

[13:29]

I remember so often, like, giving a Dharma talk and then closing the screen, you know, and looking around the room. I love looking around the room. David Zimmerman always says, at Dharma talks, just look around the room. Just really take it in, you know. He says it's an ocean of love, you know. And what is most important then? And I think it was just, it was the... Coming back to when things are so pared down, where do we turn? Where do we stand? Suzuki Roshi said that not knowing is most intimate. And I think not knowing can bring us back to this

[14:32]

What is here now? What is most important? And cultivating this mind of not knowing, cultivating this mind of intimacy is actually our zazen. Relaxing into vast open mind, curious, flexible mind, gently returning to the breath, letting thoughts go, letting big stories go when we find that we're lost in thoughts and we're rehashing, letting it go. This is the great mind of faith that we can release our karmic the stream of the karmic thoughts in which arise in Zazen and letting them go into something vast.

[15:46]

Getting a signal. Dropping my voice out into the great beyond. Big mind. So I don't want to oversimplify that that is a simple leap. To let a story go, to let a story go that we have about ourself, to let a story go that we have about someone else can be very scary. You know, even just As Uchiyama Roshi said, just opening the mind of thought, just even that littlest opening around something that feels so safe, you know, can be very scary. It can bring up vulnerability. So this is something that we can really practice in our zazen.

[16:48]

This is our zazen practice, is this relaxing, this allowing. this opening. Even with situations that can feel so impossible, you know, to bring them into our Zazen, you know, what is here right now, and meeting that with our breath, with our Zazen practice. Hopefully these times as well, we can meet ourselves with compassion. And again, I'm not saying that that is a simple thing, but it is something that we can cultivate in our zazen, this opening, this letting go. Suzuki Roshi said, we are not doing zazen correctly if there isn't any warmth. And when I hear that, I think kindness. If there isn't kindness, you know, in our zazen, warmth, taking care of ourself in zazen.

[17:56]

So what is revealed when we stay with? Staying with is the root of compassion. Comparé. With. To stay with. Yesterday I was walking along here and I caught a snippet of a conversation and I checked it out with these people, if it would be okay if I mentioned this in tonight's talk. And as I was passing by, I heard her respond and she said, no, I don't check my chakras every day. And then she paused and she said, well, maybe I do, but I just don't call it that. And I started laughing, and I turned to them and I said, the things you overhear in Tassajara.

[19:03]

And I didn't give it any more thought. And then this morning in Zazen, I heard this thought came up in my Zazen this morning. And I was thinking then, not thinking. No, I wasn't. I was thinking. I was thinking of... Naomi Shihabnai. She's a Palestinian-American poet, good friend of senior Dharma teacher Paul Howler. She's a fabulous poet laureate? Is she a poet laureate? And... I'm sorry, I keep looking at you again. And... She, one of her books is called, her collection of poems is called Voices in the Air. And in the introduction to that book, she talks about, this is, I'm not sure what culture this is from. Like the book isn't in the library. I didn't bring it with me.

[20:04]

She talks about, it's like a theory or a belief that all the voices that have ever existed in this world continue to exist in the air. And so I was thinking of that this morning as I was hearing this little conversation. And then I dropped into my Zazen and I invite you to join me in this, to close your eyes and to soften your forehead And to imagine vast sky there. We're engaging our imagination. Vast open sky. Perhaps it's a night sky full of stars. And softening our brow down to our eyes. Softening our gaze if our eyes are open. Softening our focus if our eyes are closed.

[21:11]

Just fully relaxing our eyes. relaxing our face, our mouths, our jaws, relaxing our throats, relaxing our heart area, bringing our awareness to our heart area as Inryu instructed us yesterday in the half day sitting, lifting slightly the heart area, bringing some energy there and opening, opening our hearts tucking in our little wings tucking in our shoulder blades deep breath continuing down to our bellies and noticing is there any tightness there there's so much that we carry in our bellies I'm just getting in touch with my belly and how much tightness there is how much worry I carry in my belly

[22:14]

relaxing, softening, bringing our awareness to our bottoms, to our groundedness, to our seat, perhaps to our feet on the floor, grounding into the earth, and bringing our awareness to the base of our spines, as Inryo instructed us yesterday, who were sitting the half-day sit, bringing our imagination to our spines in a warm, energetic, upright spine, sap rising like the tall trees of the Los Padres National Forest here in the Tassajara Zendo. And the energy continuing up through the crown of our heads. Vast, vast, vastness. Allowing ourselves to be permeated understanding bringing our awareness to where we think the margin of our body ends and where the rest of the world exists allowing that to melt away this mind this body covers the entire earth the vast sky as our teacher

[23:46]

Dogen Zenji. Give us so much beautiful, beautiful language for. So not knowing. Not knowing and the Zen teaching of just say yes. So in... 2014, Ed Sadasan, Rinzo Ed Sadasan, our former central abbot, recently stepped down, was leading his first practice period, and it was at City Center, and he asked me to be his chusso, to be the head student of that practice period, and to share the Dharma seat with him. It's a great honor. It's a rite of passage in our lineage. And I... was so busy with life. I was working in the development department at Zen Center as an employee.

[24:49]

I was a single mom with a daughter entering high school, freshman year high school. And my life was very full. And then to be Shuso, I just couldn't imagine it. And so I said, no. And he said, well, but of course you can do it. And I said, no, I really don't think I can do this. And I said, I said, well, can you put together a list of all the things that I will need to do and where I would need to be my responsibilities for every day? And he was like, I'm not sure where I would get that list or if one exists, but my assistant will take care of it. So Paola put together this exhaustive list of everything. And I said, I really don't think I can do this. So then he said, I really think you can. And so, you know, they made it possible for my daughter and me to move into Zen Center, to one of the apartments with our dog.

[25:50]

They just, everything, Ed was so supportive. And so I said yes. And so a couple of weeks into the practice period, the Eno, the head of the meditation hall, told me that I needed to be at the 5.30 meditation. And I said, well, that's the one time of day that I can be with my daughter. And she said, well, we need the Shuso at the 5.30 meditation. And I said, well, Ed said, I didn't have to be at that meditation. We talked about it. And she said, you need to be there. So I went to Ed and I said, Ed, the Eno is telling me I have to be there. They really just do not understand. I need to be with my daughter at that time. And I can't make a case for that. They're simply not understanding that. And so I thought he would say, don't worry. I'll talk to the Eno.

[26:51]

And he said to me, Nancy, the most important thing is that you know. So sometimes, no matter how complete the contract or the list, these things come up. When you say yes, completely. And someone else is not going to negotiate the way, navigate the way for you. So that practice period, as I mentioned, was Ed's first. And City Central was not my home temple. I had practiced at Tassajara and at Green Gulch. And so... He didn't know the forms for the practice period, and I told him this is going to be like the two blind men on the bridge going through this practice period together. And he had recently ordained as a priest and not trained as a priest.

[27:54]

He had started the Soto Zen Lay Teachers Association, LZBT. Not LZBT. Yeah, LZBTA. And he had been... a lay practitioner his own life, his whole life, when they asked him to be abbot, he took priest vows, he very soon thereafter got dharma transmission, and he was doing ceremonies and didn't know any of them. So his jisha, it's almost like they had these little, like she was like, you know, on the runway, you know, trying to land the plane, and I would stand there and watch him you know, do these ceremonies and just think, no, that's not right. It's just like I was kind of mortified and protective and kind of disbelieving that this was our abbot. And it was just unbelievable to me.

[28:57]

Lydia, by the way, was his jisha. And I think she helped a lot of you in this room with your reservations to get here to Tassajara. But I was so grateful to her, and he just followed her. He completely leaned on Lydia. It was so beautiful, after I got over the initial kind of horror of it. And I told him, that was just such a teaching. He was so devoted to Suzuki Roshi. He was so devoted to this practice. He was so devoted, his whole life, had been around the financials of San Francisco Zen Center. And his life as a businessman has completely kept our temples going during these difficult times. So that practice period was the way of Suzuki Roshi. That was the teaching. And Ed invited Blanche Hartman and Mel Weitzman and Ed Brown and Steve Weintraub

[30:06]

and Les K and himself. And they gave the Dharma talks for that practice period. And Suzuki Roshi's way came through his students who had practiced with him in this way that we practice together. So not knowing is most intimate. Watching Ed navigate not knowing you know, the teaching of the Zen teaching. What happens, you know, when you step off the hundred foot pole? The whole universe rises to support you. Not knowing mind is most intimate. So when When Suzuki Roshi was dying, he died way too long.

[31:12]

Way too long. He died way too young. And his students say that actually he dropped, that something in him knew. He kept saying he needed at least 10 more years with his students. But what he did was he threw that, this is very American, he threw them a long pass, which means he throws the football way to the end of the field. And for a very long time, they have been trying to catch that pass. So he wasn't here necessarily to teach them the way he wanted to, but his teachings were here. He taught when people were saying, you can't teach these young students Dogen. He said, no, no, we're doing emptiness teachings. I'm teaching Dogen.

[32:14]

He was very clear about what he needed to bring to his students. And so one of his students asked him when he was dying, Suzuki Roshi, how are you? And he said, I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid of dying because I know who I am. And when I first heard that, it kind of panicked me a little bit. It's like, oh my gosh, I better not die anytime soon because I have no idea what that means. But I'm starting to get, a sense now of what that means, especially at Enzo village. I get a sense of what that means, you know, straight back, open, clear eyed all the way through to the end.

[33:27]

Um, So I'll end with this, that Mel Weitzman, in his talk that practice period about Suzuki Roshi, he gave a talk about the paramitas. And honestly, I felt like it was a little bit dry. I was like, Mel, you trained like this with Suzuki Roshi. Like, I want stories. I want to hear, you know. And so he gave this talk on the paramitas. And then he closed... his sutra cover, and he said, Suzuki Roshi's life was a mantra. Beyond, beyond. into the great beyond all together.

[34:34]

Wondrous awakening. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma Talks are offered free of charge, and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, Visit sfcc.org and click Giving.

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