Good morning. I was thinking that maybe yesterday I was trying to convince you you're having a good time. And maybe you are. I was doshi for service this morning, in case you didn't notice. And just as we finished chanting the ancestors, male and female, and then the doshi goes back up and offers incense again. And then as I was coming back, I had this thought This is different.

[01:01]

Being doshi is different from when you're just sitting there. You know, when I sit there in Seiza, I don't use a cushion. And usually, you know, through the Heart Sutra, I'm doing just fine. And then the next couple of chants, it's still okay. And then we have a dedication, and you get to go over. It's like, okay, this works for me. And then, say, we get something like the Genjo Kahn. And then, you know, the male ancestors, and then the female ancestors. And then by about then, I'm thinking, okay, this hurts. You know?

[02:04]

And then part of me thinks, you know, then we do all Buddhas again, and I think, okay, just the Dasha and Durrani. And then to get up, and my legs, my feet, and my knees need a few moments to kind of unkink. And there I was, walking back, somehow missing it, you know? When you're dosi, you get up and dine all the time. You get to do all these extra bows. And there I was, missing it.

[03:05]

It's a funny proposition, practice. Especially when we turn towards a certain fierceness that asks something of us. and we meet it as best we can. And often not without our own grumbling or thinking, just the daishandarani or whatever we tell ourselves in that moment of somehow needing some encouragement. So maybe yesterday I was saying, yes, all that. And in the middle of it, moments that sparkle.

[04:15]

Or as I said yesterday, just moments of relief. Anapanasati, to Satipatthana, to Dogen's later writings on the Phukhansa Zengi, there's a similar kind of refrain. In Anapanasati, the translation I'm most familiar with, it says, gladden the heart. You engage the breath, however it happens. If it's long, it's long. If it's short, it's short. If it's in your upper chest, it's in your upper chest. If it's in your lower abdomen, it's in your lower abdomen. Then with diligence, you explore how to engage it as it flows in, as it flows out.

[05:29]

You come to connect that quality of ink of allowing and releasing you come to see it how it can be skillfully engaged don't struggle with the mind allow it don't grasp the mind release it and then it says gladden the heart You know, we can read these texts, and certainly my mind does sometimes, that there's like two layers of teachings in there. And I think in Duga and Phukhansa Zengi, there's two layers of teaching. And one layer is when you're really connected, when you're in samadhi, you know?

[06:37]

When awareness is there and the connection to what's happening is there from the first moment of the inhale, the whole way through to the last moment of the exhale, the preoccupations, the afflictions, the distractions of our usual mind fall away. And something sparkles with energy. It has a kind of a flow. It has an energy. It has a transformative quality. It has a stability. It has all the elements. And it speaks for itself.

[07:45]

And it speaks in a way that our more karmic consciousness can't. So there's that samadhi. And then And this is how I'm reading Dogen when I read his howevers. Like a dragon gaining the water, like a tiger entering the mountains. And then later he thought to add, however, if that's not exactly what's happening for you, let's look at that. that we are we're involved diligently in the rigors of the schedule that we sit and we chant a long morning service

[09:11]

And I'm sure there are some people who spring up at the end and didn't even notice that that took whatever it took, 25 minutes or whatever it takes. But I think most of us do notice how long it took. Would we strategize to stay within our comfort zone? Would that gladden our heart? Would that bring forth a sense of ease? disease only that only the product of fire and I would suggest you as we settle no probably not so much because

[10:44]

It's the product of exquisite, unadulterated samadhi. But because something in us has almost like expanded to hold and be available for a greater range of being. But something in us has remembered There's a lot to being alive. It covers quite a lot of territory. And when we allow that, that proposition about a human life when we allow that proposition about our own practice.

[11:47]

I think it gladens the heart. I think when something within us is being... of the human condition. In a courageous yet humble way. Something within us is relieved. I think when something within us is one way or another saying no, no, no. This is not what I want. I think in a way we disappoint ourselves. We can't quite believe that's the whole story.

[12:58]

That's really how to live a human life with all its amazing variety of experiences it can present. In the early suttas, particularly in the satipatthana, the anapanasakti is more straightforward. It says, gladden the heart. Almost as if, and how could that be a problem? Can't everybody just do that in a few seconds? And then it says, okay, and having done that, now you can contemplate the nature of existence and see the unfolding of the path of liberation.

[14:03]

I think... What I was trying to get at yesterday Maybe that's not the whole story for what's happening for us, but maybe there's moments of that in there. And that this is part of the quality of investigation. Like when we just become, when we think of Samatha Vipassana, settle down get concentrated then use that concentrated mind to deeply see the nature of what is even your own arising fixed ideas and emotions notice acknowledge contact experience and by the way do all that with the deep sense of ease

[15:22]

and joy. But maybe there are moments. My own experiences, they can be quirky. Like coming back after just offering incense. somehow my line of sight catching this seat where I'd usually be sitting for service. I'm not in my usual seat. Oh, I'm here. And I sort of miss it. miss having my knees with a growing discomfort.

[16:45]

Sometimes I think we'll do anything to be fully alive. And sometimes We'll do reckless, stupid, self-destructive things. And I think the Dharma is asking us, well, could you just kind of hone it down to things that help yourself and others to blossom? sattipatthana it says there's four qualities that support awareness and the fourth quality I I mentioned it yesterday when I mentioned in a different way but it says in the sattipatthana with an absence of clinging and sadness

[17:59]

Practice mindfulness with an absence of clinging and sadness. And I would say to you, I'd offer you this proposition today. As we endeavor in these rigors of Shashin, we have our moments. One more particularly, moments have us. and lift us beyond usual preoccupations, sometimes lifting us beyond even a deeply ingrained sense of self. In a few moments, I'm going to read where Dogen, first of all, he's talking about, yes, And this deep samadhi is like this.

[19:03]

It shines with a marvelous light, like this. And then he takes up the more nuanced question. Well, however, when that's not happening, and almost modestly he says, Don't try to force yourself. Within how it is for you, there is a path. I think our investigation is not simply to dice and slice and deconstruct the human condition.

[20:07]

I think it's defined within it. The moment, the space that offers us a glimpse, a taste of liberation. I think most of the time we can't exactly dial it up. Okay, I'm ready for a glimpse of realization. It's almost the opposite. We forget the self. We forget realization. And the moment appears. Maybe you could say we've set aside our clinging and our sadness.

[21:10]

Maybe you could say the diligence is strong in that moment. Or the awareness. Or the fourth quality is a a deep acceptance. When the mind is more settled, it has a sense of almost wonder in its appreciation for the moment. Sometimes if you watch yourself you might find, you look at something, you've seen many times. In that moment, it occurs to you, how beautiful.

[22:23]

That deep appreciation something in us thinks and does not have to do with me that stone looks really beautiful subject and object created together how do we explore this kind of alchemy human consciousness is quite capable of that our struggling mind can't see and even our mind that has a rigid notion of what practices can't see either

[23:40]

mind caught in some determined should. I was going to go straight to Joan Harjo's poem, but maybe I have to add a little dog. he says even when you get deeper in the way there'll be lots of things that may bother you actually he uses the word demons and he says there will be a lot of demons that may bother you you may go through many kinds of situations both favorable and

[24:51]

But when your right mindfulness appears, nothing can disturb. Yeah. When there are moments of more settled consciousness, there can be at least briefly abiding in that nothing can disturb. But there can also be glimpses. There can be spontaneous arisings. And then as Dogen talks about holding on to samadhi, as I mentioned yesterday, you know, Kategori Roshi described it as carrying a very fragile, large piece of tofu.

[26:07]

It's a delicate proposition. When such a moment arises, The verb I would offer you would be savor. The word pasa that I translate as contact. The character of pasa is that imagine you want to touch something and feel the texture of it. You don't press it with your fingers. You touch it lightly. and make that kind of contact. That's the quality of contact the suttas talk about in terms of contact. Touch it lightly and feel the texture. Let your fingertips feel it. Let your eyes touch it like that.

[27:12]

Let your ears hear it like that. When this kind of mindfulness arises, when this kind of contact arises, something's transmitted. So in the midst of our contact, I would suggest you, it's very interesting to watch what you do when we do walking meditation outside. And I would suggest to you, even though in some ways it's quite different from sitting on your cushion in the Zendo, there's a diligence we can bring to it.

[28:22]

There's a yogic practice we can bring to it. same kind of body awareness the same attention to posture although now that posture is moving in one of the commentaries in the muman Khan the gateless gate it says do you go to the sound I let the sound come to you. You can watch that. Oh, there's a canyon ran. Or do you stay here and let the canyon ran come inside of you? Can you open up your vision and see everything without staring at anything?

[29:27]

Can it have depth? Can it be three-dimensional? Can the senses in that way facilitate awareness? Can the grass, trees, walls, and pebbles all support awareness? Can we learn, you know, when Dogen's talking about, and he makes a particular point about it, when you finish sitting, rise slowly calmly and deliberately because a certain samadhi there he can you carry it with you into standing and carry it into whatever's next and we can watch ourselves do you make a fixed idea out of it no or do you

[30:53]

give over to experience and let it teach you. And Dogen said, when that mode is brought forth, even if you haven't been in deep samadhi, in a deep luminous stillness, something can also be kept going. all times you should protect and sustain this Samadhi study it thoroughly and then he says and transcend the upper barrier in a later version he simply says protect and maintain it

[32:02]

using any skillful means, as if you were taking care of your baby. Then the samadhi will be sustainable. Who'd have thought Dogen would use an analogy like that? As if you're taking care of your baby. First, understand the way completely and then actualize it. I would say, understand it as you understand it. But let that register.

[33:03]

I think most of the times we do a funny thing. We have a certain understanding and then we act as if we don't. Let it register. Understand what you understand or maybe more accurately appreciate the dharma in the way that you appreciated. And then let that flow into how you're behaving, how you're practicing. And then actualize it in your practice even a little bit. You can do it only in this practice.

[34:10]

This is because when you look for the pearl in the ocean, only looking thoroughly allows the pearl to appear. In all the moments of consciousness that constitute the nature of mind, carry this forth. It's its own samādhi. It's its own continuous contact. Maybe it's not the samadhi you saw in the movies or read in the sutras, but it's there.

[35:17]

Even if you continue this practice your entire life, you might still be afraid of making mistakes. However, if you postpone starting practice, with what can you deal with your karma? Therefore, an ancient worthy said, if you lack the agency of Samadhi, you'll fall down and wander in delusion. Funny thing about our practice.

[36:49]

As we settle into the new normal of Sashin, something in us rightly feels like it's not so special. You know? Instead of doing that, I'm doing this. this is my life now and of course it's completely true however in that new normal when we pay attention we'll notice that blessedly the preoccupations the agitations and the afflictions are on occasions a little gentler, a little softer, a little less assertive, we can notice that the capacity for awareness, and sometimes this one tricks us, is greater.

[38:02]

And then we see those old usual patterns, and because we're bringing more awareness to them, we think they're still playing at the same volume. But often they're not. Instead of taking you by the nose and dragging you off for five or ten minutes, they're just buzzing around your head like a fly for a couple of minutes. it's hard to notice just how settled our mind is because of our well-worn and well-used capacity to notice how this state of mind is not perfect how this world how this me is not perfect

[39:17]

But maybe there's a usefulness in this treasure hunt of letting the moments of awareness register. A kind of savoring. So in a few moments when we go outside, and wander for a few moments in 130,000 acres of wilderness. How amazing. And what exactly will arise in your consciousness? Nobody knows, not even you.

[40:31]

Wouldn't it be fun to watch and see? Ain't it going to last for one step? Or will it go the whole way from work circle to the bathhouse? And when you notice, will you feel somehow chastened? Or will you feel deeply instructed about the persistence of karmic being? Okay. So to finish. Somehow, in the ramblings of my mind, this poem talks about this meeting the moment.

[41:37]

I read it the other day, Joan Harjo's, Once the world was perfect. Once the world was perfect and we were happy. Ah, in that world. Then we took it for granted. Discontent began a small rumble in the earthly mind. Then doubt pushed through with its spiked head. And once doubt ruptured the web, all manner of demon thoughts jumped through. We destroyed the world we'd been given for inspiration and for life. Each stone of jealousy, each stone of fear, Greed, envy, and hatred put out the light. No one was without a stone in his or her hand. There we were. We were bumping into each other in the dark.

[42:41]

And now we had no place to live since we didn't know how to live with each other. Then one of the stumbling ones took pity on another and shared a blanket. A spark of kindness made a light. The light made an opening in the darkness. Everyone worked together to make a ladder. The wind clan person climbed out first into the next world. And then the other clans. And the children of clans. And their children. And their children. All the way through time to now. Into this morning light for you. Thank you.

[43:26]

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