This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning, monks. Good morning. beautiful spring-like chilly but bright morning so good to be alive I've been enjoying these daffodils coming out to say hello This morning I got to do the Jundo with Sam walking around the altars, looking up.

[01:16]

Flag rock was just glowing, just luminous from the moonlight. So beautiful. And I finally learned to see Canyon rants. All these years I've been hearing them, now I can finally spot them. I'm so pleased about that. Oh, those are canyon rants frolicking on the rocks in the creek. Oh, before I go much further, I want to say I want to thank and acknowledge My teacher, my Han Shi, Sojin Roshi, Mel Weitzman, Abbott of Berkeley Zen Center. And I also want to say that my talk is just to encourage you in your practice.

[02:21]

That's my only intention in giving this talk. And while I'm at it, I want to thank Arshu So for her leadership. Thank you, Anne. She's showing us every day how to open our hearts to each other. And I think it's taking. I do think so. I'm really... you know, and thank all of you, all this sangha, this ango, peaceful abiding. You know, we've been abiding peacefully for some time now. And I've been saying from the beginning of Practice Spirit,

[03:32]

how much I've been appreciating the energy, and that still goes, and it's still going on. It's felt so powerful. The way we started Thangaryo, and then boom, training, training, training, and having the first five-day sashim so soon after the beginning of the practice period. I told the Eno at that time, this is just such a powerful start. By the time it comes to late February, it's going to feel like this is all we've been doing all our lives. Just wholeheartedly, intimately, cultivating the way together.

[04:35]

This combined energy of our intention takes us all beyond our individual capacity. We find ourselves doing things and trying things and showing up for things that we never would have imagined. My goodness. Only fancy. That's how it works. Combined energy of our intention takes us way beyond our comfort zone. You know how that works, right? Have you seen that picture? This is your comfort zone over here. Then over here, where the magic happens. That's Ango, peaceful abiding.

[05:43]

So I wanted to start with, maybe not necessarily talk about too extensively, but as a starting point, as a jumping off point, my favorite passage in Dogen Zenji's universal instructions, universal recommendation for the practice of Zazen, the Fukan Zazen-gi, that we chant as part of our liturgy. My favorite passage comes towards the end of it. It's a short paragraph, and it goes, This being the case, intelligence or lack of it, does not matter. Between the dull and the sharp-witted, there is no distinction. If you concentrate your effort single-mindedly, that in itself is negotiating the way.

[06:53]

Practice realization is naturally undefiled. Going forward in practice is a matter of everydayness. I love that. The first time I heard that, the first time I heard that, the first time I don't know if I heard it or read it, I was like, really? What a relief. No, he says intelligence or lack of it doesn't matter. Between the dull and the sharp-witted, there's no distinction. What a relief. What hope. There's hope that's so encouraging to me. Very encouraging. And this coming from a person who I suspect probably had an IQ of 200-something, right? Very, very brilliant person.

[07:57]

Very brilliant person. I guess it's said that he had something of the equivalent of a PhD by the age of 17 that he'd read the entire Buddhist canon, by some accounts, read the entire Buddhist canon twice, and extremely literate. Intelligence, or lack of it, does not matter. Between the dull and the sharp-witted, there's no distinction. If you concentrate your efforts single-mindedly, that in itself is negotiating the way. So this is a statement of faith. This is like, you have what you need. Very encouraging. You have what you need to practice. Just stay with it. If you concentrate your effort single-mindedly, just stay with it.

[09:02]

Practice realization is naturally undefiled. you know you might feel like you're messing it up you might feel like oh I'm doing this all wrong but you know ultimately that's a delusion so that's a that's kind of a little bit of what I want to talk about this morning you can't get it right you can't get it right sometimes in my practice discussion room, my little, little, tiny practice discussion room, intimate, I meant to say intimate space, a monk might say, it's pointless. This is pointless. And I'd say, if we can get past the corrosive doubt, we might be on to something.

[10:07]

I always loved the t-shirt from Green Gulch Farm. And I wish they'd bring this t-shirt back because I want one. I'll just say that. I want one. You know what I mean? It's Dan Welch. That's the one, yeah. That's the one who said that. Yeah, that one. Working hard, accomplishing nothing. That's the deal. But, you know, if you can get past the corrosive doubt, that's extremely liberating. So, excuse me.

[11:16]

Another famous passage from Master Dogen is from Shobha Genzo, Seshin Sesho, which... translates variously, it's been translated a lot of ways, but speaking of mind, speaking of essence. Famous passage in that fascicle. It goes, After we have produced the thought of Bodhi and turned to the practice of the way of the Buddha, when we are wholeheartedly performing the difficult practices of Though we may be performing them, we do not have one hit in a hundred practices. Still, whether from a friend, whether from a scripture, eventually we hit it. This one hit in the present is due to the power of a hundred misses in the past, is the one maturation of a hundred misses.

[12:30]

Hearing the teachings, cultivating the way, attaining the verification, are all like this. So, yeah, I hear a lot of concern, a lot of energy about getting it right. And what this says to me is getting it right is not the point. Staying with it That's the point, if there's any point at all. So, my takeaway from that is, relax. There was one practice period here, winter 2001, Reb must have said,

[13:32]

Meet everything that arises with complete relaxation. He must have said that a thousand times that practice period. Meet everything that arises with complete relaxation. I was on kitchen crew, and the Foucaulten would say something like, you know, we need two gallons of these potatoes cubed up into a three-quarter inch chop. And we say... I can meet that with complete relaxation. That's right. That's right. For those of you who don't spend much time on the men's side of the bathhouse, you may not know that I have this tattoo on my left shoulder.

[14:41]

I'm not proud of it. I'm not proud of it. There it is. You can ask me some other time if you want to have a look at it. It's a very old tattoo. Once somebody saw it, they said, is that a temporary tattoo? I said, uh-huh. A little Buddhist joke. Yeah, yeah, and you know, Not proud of it. I got it a long time ago when I wanted to express my individuality just like everyone else. But the tattoo, it's Alfred E. Newman from Mad Magazine.

[15:46]

You know who that is? You know who that is? As most of you seem to know. He's kind of the mascot or what, the main spokesperson? I don't know. What did you say? Face. Yeah, face, yeah. That goes with this humor magazine that's mostly for kids, Mad Magazine. I've read it all my life. Oh yeah, I'm... I was in Manhattan. I met William Gaines. I went to their offices. I shook William Gaines' hand. I got to hang out in his office. That was huge for me. Anyway, it's Alfred E. Newman as a little cherub.

[16:49]

And underneath, you know, it says Alfred E. Newman's motto. What's that? Yeah, what, me, worry? That's what I'm talking about. So once upon a time, Actually, 17 years ago, 17 years ago, I was in Sojin Roshi's little Dokusan hut in the back of Berkeley Zen Center, which, if you ever get a chance to see it, I recommend. Have a look at Mel's Dokusan hut.

[17:52]

It's pretty awesome. And... I don't know what inspired me, but I showed him my tattoo. And he looked at it. And he got really serious. And he said, you know, I've often thought that ours is the practice of Alfred E. Newman. Cool! I'm probably the only lineage holder in Soto Zen with a tattoo of Alfred E. Newman on the shoulder.

[18:54]

Probably. At my Shusou ceremony in 2005, somebody asked me, what's your motto? Actually, I didn't say, what me worry. But I can remember what I said, because I thought it was clever at the time. I said, you can't keep a good man down, and coincidentally, me neither. Yeah. I don't think that's so clever anymore. But it does say something about staying with it. So, you know, you can't get it right. And furthermore,

[19:58]

I'm a little nervous about getting it right. I'm a little cautious about getting it right. And I'll tell you why. Here's another. This is a passage from a talk that Suzuki Roshi gave in Sokoji Temple. In 1966, I have all these talks on my iPod, courtesy of David Chadwick. So sometimes I like to, if you just listen to the talk, it's very hard to make out what Suzuki Roshi is saying. Because for one thing, the recordings are terrible. And for another thing, his accent is really strong and his English is pretty terrible.

[21:06]

But he was so careful. He was so careful with his language. So anyway, I like to listen to them sometimes and read the transcript, which I also have, courtesy of David Chadwick. So there's a sort of Lectio Divina practice. listen to the talk while I'm reading the transcript and listen to Suzuki Roshi he was very careful in his language he was very careful and slow so the pace at which I read it would be nothing like the pace at which he was speaking he was very careful with his language and I'm not going to try to do the Japanese accent No. But this is from an unedited transcript. That's true. So he's talking about mistakes.

[22:13]

He says, mistakes over mistakes is to express true way in various way. Why we call it mistake is because we do not attach to some something which you do. Tentatively, it is right, but next moment, it may be mistake. So after you did it, oh, that was my mistake. Excuse me. And he laughs. I will do it better next time. And you may say, oh, that was mistake two. This time, I will make it right. So this is the way we should be, you know, we should do. Mistake over mistake is right. Right thing after right thing is wrong. You are forcing something to others.

[23:17]

This is right. You should obey, laughs. What I, you should obey me, you know. This is not completely true, right? Tentatively, excuse me, I want you to, I have a favor to ask you. Please help me. That is all right. But it is not, it should not be complete anyway. When you say, this is right, that is wrong. So, yeah, when you say, this is right, that is wrong. I've often thought about that. And I've often said, some of you might have heard me say, in my opinion, being right can be a bigger rush and more addictive than

[24:30]

than the purest heroin money can buy. And I had some curiosity about that, actually. And so in the recent past, I looked into that a little bit. And I discovered a thing or two. So I would like to share with you a little of what I've discovered. This is the scientist and author David Brin on the addictive qualities of sanctimony or righteous indignation. Researchers at Emory University monitored brain activity while asking staunch party members from both left and right to evaluate information that threatened their preferred candidate prior to the 2004 presidential election.

[25:38]

We did not see any increased activation of the parts of the brain normally engaged during reasoning. Said Drew Weston, Emory's director of clinical psychology. Instead, a network of emotion circuits lit up, reaching biased conclusions by ignoring information that could not rationally be discounted. Significantly, activity spiked in circuits involved in reward, similar to what addicts experience when they get a fix. Weston explained. and by the way it turns out I had the wrong drug it's it's not heroin is crack cocaine cocaine the parts of the brain that light up in these scans during that kind of study are very much the same as you see

[27:00]

in cocaine intoxication. And the brain releases norepinephrine, serotonin, and especially dopamine, the pleasure chemical. So here's W. Alexander Morton from the Journal of Clinical Psychiatry. Cocaine has numerous effects on many important neurotransmitters in the brain. However, the most dramatic effect is on the increase as well as the release of dopamine. Dopamine is thought to be the primary neurotransmitter involved in the pleasure centers of the brain. Its release is associated with pleasure and a sense of well-being and is often a reward for certain behaviors. Excessive dopamine levels have also been hypothesized to be associated with with anger and aggressiveness.

[28:01]

And here's Dr. Brynn again. While there are many drawbacks, self-righteousness can also be a heady, seductive, and even, well, addictive. Any truly honest person will admit that the state feels good. The pleasure of knowing with subjective certainty that you are right and your opponents are deeply, despicably wrong. Sanctimony or a sense of righteous outrage can feel so intense and delicious that many people actively seek to return to it again and again. Moreover, as Weston et al. have found, this trait crosses all boundaries of ideology. Well, duh. Furthermore, politicians, monarchs, dictators have used this power to manipulate all populations for eons.

[29:16]

What will it be? Fox News or MSNBC? Name your poisons. I think maybe the Buddha saw in some way that we, all of us, all of us, on some level, are like those lab rats with the electrodes stuck in the skull, pressing that same bar over and over again to get that same fix.

[30:24]

You don't have to get it right. Furthermore, you can't get it right. And it turns out, getting it right may be harmful to your health. So, you might ask, but Greg, what about forms and ceremonies? What about what we're doing here? Aren't we supposed to be trying to get it right? What about men mitsu no kafu? You know this expression in Japanese? It's the calligraphy in the kitchen, on the kitchen altar. Men mitsu no kafu. It means careful attention to our family way. Kafu is like house breeze, the wind of this house. means taking care of the details, paying intimate attention to the details.

[31:43]

That's right. What happens to all that? Nothing happens to all that. We stay with that. We do that with the liberative knowledge that we don't have to get it right. when we are wholeheartedly performing the difficult practices. That's us. Yeah. That's what we're doing here, wholeheartedly performing the difficult practices. Though we may be performing them, we do not have one hit in a hundred practices. That's right. You know, I think of... Oriyoki. What a beautiful ceremony. What a beautiful, complicated ceremony.

[32:48]

Just to feed ourselves. It's kind of funny. There's so much there. There's so much going on. Do not have one hit in 100 practices. How about not one in 10,000? Have we ever had a single Oryoki meal like be perfect? Unlikely. That's not the point. It's just wholeheartedly practicing with it. Letting go of getting it right. Staying with it. As I was... preparing for this talk I thought you know kind of ancillary thought but maybe it also gives that part of the brain something harmless to amuse itself with you know and and making mistake after mistake helping us to let go of it and

[34:09]

It might be something also, perhaps more to the point, about deliberately putting yourself into a position where you're gonna make mistake after mistake. You know, Roshi said, being nobody, going nowhere, invites the opening and I was curious you know I'm still curious how does that happen how do we invite the opening how do we get the electrode out of our skull and just truly Let go.

[35:14]

Truly, just be with peaceful abiding. Being nobody, going nowhere. Putting yourself in a position where you know you're going to make mistake after mistake, like joining a practice period at Tassahara. Or, done that? Okay, we'll make you a Doan. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Then you can make all your mistakes publicly. Or being a parent. Having a child. Now you have the child. You're going to make mistakes. Or being in any relationship. Being in any relationship. You're going to make mistakes. You're going to make mistake after mistake. Here's Suzuki Roshi again.

[36:29]

This is a good book. Dōgenzenji said, Shōshaku jūshaku. Shaku generally means mistake or wrong. Shōshaku jūshaku means to succeed wrong with wrong. or one continuous mistake. According to Dogen, one continuous mistake can also be Zen. A Zen master's life could be said to be so many years of Shoshaku Jushaku. This means so many years of one single-minded effort. We say a good father is not a good father. Do you understand? One who thinks he is a good father is not a good father. One who thinks he is a good husband is not a good husband. One who thinks he is one of the worst husbands may be a good one if he is always trying to be a good husband with a single-hearted effort.

[37:41]

If you find it impossible to sit because of some pain or some physical difficulty, then you should sit anyway using a thick cushion or a chair. It's about humility, isn't it? One continuous mistake. The letting go. Oh, that was my mistake. Excuse me. I will do it better next time.

[38:45]

And you may say, oh, that was mistake two. This time I will make it right. That's right. When they made Mel Abbott of San Francisco Zen Center in the 80s, I wished I could have been at his mountain seat ceremony, but I heard about it. Actually, Abbas Linda Ruth told me about it. You know, he, the ceremony, they build this platform over the, it's in the Buddha Hall at City Center, and they build this platform over the altar in the Buddha Hall, and it's like, it's big. You know, that's the mountain.

[39:46]

They ascend the mountain. They climb up onto that platform. They're like up there looking down at us. And then they're expected to make this big pronouncement, you know, speaking from the mountain. And so Mel climbs up there. He's standing up there. He says, you could have done a lot better. I'm not so good. I hope you'll be okay. No, I don't know. Those aren't quotes, you know. I don't know what he said, but that's what Lindner said. Basically, you know, that was the gist of it. Yeah. He really could have done a lot better. Hmm. Mistake after mistake. Is the cure... sanctimony is the program for recovery from addiction to righteous indignation.

[40:59]

Humility and love. I will say, as Suzuki Roshi would say tentatively, I will say today, humility and love so I have a new motto if I were to get another tattoo which I'm not going to do but if I were say over on this shoulder but I'm not going to do it. It would say, amor vincit amnia, which means love conquers all. Amor vincit amnia.

[42:04]

That's my motto. That's the medicine. That is the cure. as the Shuso has said as the Shuso has been guiding us let us open our hearts to each other within the intimacy of this peaceful abiding this practice container let us open our hearts to each other with humility and love I think that's about all I wanted to share with you this morning. But if someone has a question.

[43:08]

Yes. Yes. Okay. I accept. Wild Tuttle made that tattoo. You know who he is? His business card used to say, I'm not the best at what I do, I'm just the most famous. In his studio on Columbus Street. He's in his 80s now. Well, thank you.

[44:14]

Maybe I can adjust my attitude. I can't help. I'm a little sheepish about it. I did talk about it. And I am really happy that Mel said that. And I get it. Yes, Josh. Whose face? Oh, I don't know. I don't know. I wouldn't be the first. I wouldn't be the first person who's done that. Other people have done that. Or maybe like Jamie Meyerhoff. just the three treasure seal Buddha Dharma Sangha that's a nice one yes it's faith and affirmation isn't it yeah

[45:35]

I always like to say faith and affirmation instead of just faith, because I think a lot of people have a problem with blind faith. You should know this of all people. Thich Nhat Hanh says, If your practice isn't bringing you joy, maybe you should be doing some other practice. You know, something keeping you around. Something keeping you with it. Something... I think that cuts through the layers of BS that we've put up with and propped up and been subjected to for years and years.

[47:07]

speaks to you. And you've seen for yourself that there's something to that. I'm always saying, you know, it is okay to enjoy the fruits of your practice. So we put so much emphasis in Soto Zen about not practicing with the gaining idea that sometimes people lead to the conclusion that it's not okay to enjoy the fruits of your practice. But that's the verification side. oh, there's something to this.

[48:13]

Yeah. I think I'm going to stick with it. You see through the corrosive doubt. You get past it. Maybe not every time. Maybe not on the spot. But, yes, as I see it, Tentatively, I'll say that today. Yes, Inu-san. side, you know, you should worry that you're trying to get stuff right.

[49:15]

But what if that worry is because not getting it right causes others to suffer? What else do you find the balance in not worrying, not wanting to get it right, not being too caught up in the end results? you know, but at the same time, realizing that not paying enough attention, not caring enough to try to get some things in alignment or in harmony with how they flow. It's less other people are and other people suffer via a mate or a child or your community or sangha or whatever. Um, you know, um, sometimes I'm worried about me not worrying You know, in certain situations, I'm like, hey, I should worry a little bit more about that. That's not so good. How do you find your equilibrium? So, good.

[50:19]

Thank you. In Ekin Roshi's book about Paramitas, he doesn't stop at six Paramitas, but he gives a list of ten. which came later on in Mahayana, the history of Mahayana. And in that list of ten, one of the other Paramitas is called Pranidhana Paramita, which is the practice of the perfection of aspiration. So this means you care. Pranidhana Paramita, the reason It's a paramita, it's going beyond. It's letting go in emptiness. This is May Lee Scott, her motto. Again with the mottos.

[51:23]

May Lee Scott, a great Zen master. May she rest in peace. Deshi of Sojan Roshis. Her motto, famously, was, devotedly do, without attaching to outcome. So this is the practice of the perfection of vow, aspiration or vow, pranidhana. So you stay with that. You stay with that, please. This is not worrying. This is devotedly taking care, like a good father or a good husband or a good student. You're taking care. This is not worrying, but it is your full single-minded effort.

[52:33]

moment after moment this is really good because it's just like it's a chance to give my talk again in a way from a different perspective where I see a problem where I see people talking to me about you know Their concern about getting it right, getting like zazen. I'm worried that I'm not doing zazen right. Wow. It actually, it gets in the way. The worry, the concern about getting it right, about not making a mistake, the fear. of making a mistake actually is taking energy away.

[53:40]

You're dissipating energy on that when it could be much more a wholesome practice to have that energy collected, contained, and staying with just making your best effort on each moment. And, you know, not being afraid to look bad or make a mistake. It's, you know, I think concern about not hurting people is good, but fear is paralyzing. So we should be careful about that. Yeah.

[54:45]

Yeah. that we're taught in Western society that if we don't worry enough, that if we don't beat ourselves up enough over the last name of the result, that somehow another will forget and we'll screw it up next time. And that kind of pervades the question when I think about first coming to Zaza and thinking, I want to do this right. But then I think, well, if I don't do it right, I'm just sitting there daydreaming Yes, you are hearing me correctly.

[55:49]

Thank you. Yes? Major warrior. Me too. But so much of it does seem sort of learned. It's anticipatory. So it's never in what's happening now. And I must say that when in Shosan, when Paul introduced the donkeys, little donkeys into there. That has been so helpful to me. I now see the little donkeys coming in. Oh, it's the donkey. So I really recommend donkey practice to anybody.

[56:51]

Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, donkey practice. It's good. Can we get a donkey? I said yes. The director said yes. She says there's a Zendo full of donkeys. I need a real donkey. There's one on Tassahara Road on your way out just before you get to... Carmel Valley Road. If you remember, you can ask the Tenzo for a carrot and stop on the way out. Tenzo says he doesn't know about that. Maybe you can get a carrot on the personal town.

[57:57]

It lives with this white horse. There's a horse and a donkey. And they keep each other company all day long. And I stopped on the way out sometimes and give them carrots. They're so cute. I want a donkey. Yes. I'm wondering sometimes if there is a culture here that just through passivity can sort of encourage righteousness.

[59:06]

Through passivity can encourage righteousness. Wow. I don't know. Yeah, maybe so. I think that's something we should be on the lookout for. The business of Lao Tzu, Chinese philosopher, Tao Te Ching. He said, no praise, no blame. Right? But... it's about not attaching to praise or blame. My sister-in-law read the Tao Te Ching and she got to that part and she said, well, some praise, but some praise.

[60:16]

No praise, no blame. Yeah, but some praise. Um, through passivity encourage, what did you say, a culture of righteousness? aren't you, and you outright say, this is what's going on, it sort of stops your self-righteous in your mind, like what we talked about earlier, Greg?

[61:25]

Is that what you're driving at? Is that what you're driving at, Ryan? I'm kind of curious. Thank you. Because I... Yes. Right, it's English and English and it's saying to Monique. I see. I think I see. Yeah. Well, I think as an institution, we're trying to address that a lot. I think that recent years, we've been encouraging a culture of feedback. And the director had us do this retreat for senior staff, cultivating a culture of clear communication. That was the emphasis. I think that is important. When I was Shuso, Sojan Roshi had me, as an exercise, just go and ask people.

[62:28]

He said, well, start with senior staff and then work your way down to the rest of the practice period and just ask people, have your feedback. Do you have anything you want to say about my behavior, my department, my anything? And it was very interesting. It was a very interesting experience. I learned a lot. There was, well, not a lot of people, but some people were like, well, since you ask, that was great. If I had not asked, I wouldn't have learned. So, yeah, we should keep communicating. We should posture, I think, tentatively. This is tentatively day. Tentatively, I would say, I think it's wholesome to cultivate an atmosphere of intimacy and humility.

[63:44]

where we can trust each other. We can begin to trust each other. Faith and affirmation. Oh, that didn't hurt so bad. I could take that. Oh, that was said with kindness. And it was received with understanding and so forth. And maybe this can be okay. Yes, Jimmy Lee. self-praising or criticizing someone, I feel that puts me in a kind of a removed position where I'm making a judgment. But I don't feel it inhibited at all in this culture about just expressing joy. For instance, when someone does a great kokio thing, just to express that, I don't feel that puts me in that superior praising position. And I think that there's a little distinction there that

[64:46]

that we are trying to avoid that one person sets himself off as a judge about the other. Thank you. Yes, I agree. Mudita, a shared joy, sympathetic joy. Actually, you know, in Buddhist philosophy, it doesn't recognize any other kind of joy. That's the only kind that exists. yes just well then that's good yeah I mean I learned plenty about myself you know like a lot about

[65:51]

what I do that annoys people. Which is useful. I don't want to annoy people. I want to try not to annoy people. I'm not going to drive myself crazy worrying about annoying people. Of course, our actions of body, speech and mind make a difference. What we do makes a difference, our volitional actions. My intention is to be scrupulous around that, to practice with the precepts in an obvious way and in subtle ways, too. I learned that. What I learned about people is what people care about. what people care about, how they want to be treated. Everybody wants to give and receive mutual respect and regard.

[67:10]

Pretty much. Bottom line. And it's important that we not mistake intimacy with familiarity. Hey. Hello. Thank you for your time. You may remember Doki George. I do. and saying that he thinks that thoughts are addictive. And so it falls right in with that. And when you were talking about the politicians, you know, higher dopamine level, you know, while they're, you know, giving this assuredness of righteousness. And I, you know, I just, I relate to that.

[68:13]

And, you know, it seems like that's what I do all the time is try to, you know, my thinking seems to be trying to reinforce, to try to, you know, make something real. So, you know, it probably is really, you know, it's making me feel good in some level. But at the same time, it feels really wrong. It feels like poison on another level. And I think more and more, you know, when we meditate, we feel in tune to that, you know, anxiety that's underneath that. I just wanted to, especially I was thinking of Tokai. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you for bringing Tokai into the room. I was going to mention him.

[69:13]

I forgot. No, I actually thought when I was, oh, I don't know. That was a few days ago. Yeah. Dokai Jorgensen is a great Zen master who is a Dharma heir of category Roshi and lives at Hokyoji in Minnesota. And in a Dharma talk that I was fortunate enough to listen to, he said, it's only been since the 20th century that Western medicine has acknowledged alcoholism as a disease. But the Buddha figured out two and a half millennia ago that we all have this disease of being addicted to our thoughts. That's true.

[70:14]

I mean, when I say that's true, I mean, I agree with that. Just a point of clarification. Yes. This is the thing that, in my opinion, our dear abiding teacher is always talking about. Am I okay? Am I good enough? Will I be okay? This is kind of like fundamental. I think we pretty much all got.

[71:16]

That's the way I see it. Xu So. I should be asking you a question like Paul. Xu So. Why is everybody so darn cute? I was the person that brought up the no praise, no blame culture. And I was praising him. It occurred to me, after being an administrator in public schools for years, I trained myself to notice and praise people for what they did right in my tentative public community. I probably wasn't tentative, but I'm tentative now. So, you know, the good side of that is they would always

[72:26]

seem to be a little happier. I said, you know, you did a savage job with that, whatever. But I think the dark side is that you're waiting for the other shitful, you know, the administrator might not rush right over and say, well, it's well done. What a mission made of that. And for me, aren't you the people that Well, I think the people who stand in the back can probably see you pretty well. Yeah. Once they're sitting in Seiza, they don't have a good enough view. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel I live in a surround of understanding.

[73:45]

If I make a mistake, I know, usually, you know, and there seems to be a trust that I'll work on it, you know, and so there isn't that waiting for the other shoe to fall. So nobody says, that was a fabulous morning service. I've never seen such a full morning. On the other hand, it was a mess. So I can live safely and work with it myself. And so I more and more get acclimated. Good. Well, yes, I see. There you go. And I think that that's really important.

[74:58]

You know, if we can take our human beings out of the picture for a minute and just think about trying to train a puppy. And, you know. You don't really want a puppy who are messing up their shoe. But I want to encourage Bobby to not admit his shoes. But it needs to do something. So I think that this is a perfect example of human beings, too. If we can be encouraged without learning. So that no matter what you do, it's okay. You're still wrong. Not withholding love. That's right. Yeah. [...] I think that thank you.

[75:58]

The not withholding love is key to me. the love is going to flow regardless you know and that you feel that trust that start to believe that who knows okay well maybe on that happy note maybe that's good enough Please enjoy the rest of this beautiful full moon day. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered free of charge and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma.

[77:01]

For more information, Visit sfzc.org and click Giving.

[77:10]

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