This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. I just came back last week from vacation, time away, two-week vacation, and... There were a number of things that on the vacation that were very moving for me and very kind of a culmination of a lifelong wanting to take a particular kind of pilgrimage. So I wanted to say something about that.

[01:02]

Also, just to mention, upon returning, I had an accident and sprained my ankle, so I've been practicing with really a very different zendo body. It's amazing how much ankle, how much the ankle is involved in bowing and cross-legged sitting and going up and down stairs. So I've been really paying attention to taking care of this sprained ankle and not compensating and throwing other parts of the body into disarray. So I just wanted you to know that I'm practicing with that today and for this last week I have been So this pilgrimage, this wasn't the point of the whole vacation, but it was part of the vacation, which was a visit in Amsterdam to Anne Frank's, the secret annex, Anne Frank, the place where she and her family were hidden, hid and were hidden for two years.

[02:28]

And... during the Second World War, and I'm just assuming that everyone in the room knows who Anne Frank is, but is there anybody who doesn't know who Anne Frank is, or has never heard of Anne Frank? Yeah. Anna, Anna Frank. Anyway, the power for me of going to this place that I had read about as a young girl, read the diary of Anne Frank when I was younger than Anne, when I was her own age, when I was older. And then I just read it again a few years back, which is true with all good literature. I think I had a completely different response to the story and the facts and the situation. I saw it from the point of view of the parents. and what they must have been going through and trying to save their children.

[03:31]

So I've had a long history with this story and to be in that place and climb up those steps and walk in the rooms and Ann's room and see the sink where they wash dishes and so forth was very, very evocative, very moving and As always when I'm in Europe, I do a kind of prolonged meditation about the Second World War and bodhisattva vow and fear and these issues arise. And always the question, what would I have done, you know? One of the main points that really struck me, and in the museum they had video footage of the clerk, the woman who the secretary of Mr. Frank, Otto Frank, his secretary Miep, I think it's pronounced Miep Geis, she was actually Austrian who was sent to Holland after the First World War and was adopted by a Dutch couple

[04:54]

Her parents sent her because there was a lack of food. Anyway, she was 33 years old, newly married, attractive young woman working. She had this job in this factory, this warehouse that made pectin for jams. That was Mr. Frank's business. And things were getting progressively worse and worse. And Mr. Frank... This is the video. It shows her speaking about this in her old age. Mr. Frank said, would you be willing to help us to hide us, help to hide us? And she said, of course. In the video, she just said, of course I will. She didn't miss a beat. He asked for help, and she said, of course I will. that lack of self-concern, maybe, and of course there was great risk, risk for her own life and probably the life of her husband and anyone involved with her, and for her to say, of course I will.

[06:14]

And this, Miep Geist died in 2010 at 100 years old. She died. just shy of her 101st birthday, and just a simple person responding in a simple way when asked for help. That story of her, she wasn't a saint, she wasn't leading a so-called religious life as a, I don't know, a priest or a nun, or she just was a human being who responded, yes, yes, of course. And that ability to say yes, of course, I asked myself and have been asking myself for decades, what would I have done? I still ask myself, what would I have done?

[07:19]

So I think of her as one of the bodhisattvas, the innumerable bodhisattvas, who take any form that's needed and speak any language that's needed, whose self-benefit and benefiting others comes together in a seamless way. And they're not weighed as as different, but what's beneficial for others is beneficial for self. So how do we, this question, how do we respond, of course, to when we're called upon, when there are situations, personal situations, global situations, community situations, in the workplace, among our friends.

[08:26]

How do we respond? With a kind of, of course I'll help. Or, of course, I'm there. I'm there for you. So that was the first day of our trip, actually. We had a layover in Amsterdam and went. And I felt kind of... permeated by that story and by seeing that video of that person saying, of course, as we went on our vacation, which was a bicycle vacation in Italy, and another, kind of in the same vein really, but another strong experience was going to Assisi.

[09:28]

We bicycled to Assisi, which is up on a hill. It's very strenuous going up those last kilometers into Assisi. And here is this place, dedicated, commemorating St. Francis. And there's a billboard kind of right as we went in saying that the sister cities of Assisi, the Gemelli, the twin cities, the sister cities, I think it translates as, are San Francisco, Bethlehem, and maybe San Paolo, or a South American city, are, you know, sister cities with Assisi. That felt very friendly to be bicycling in, to our sister city, San Francisco's sister city. Many of you know the story of St. Francis. I don't know it all that well, but here's this place with these huge churches, many, many churches, and very places throughout Assisi where things happened, where he was a son of a...

[10:47]

merchant who dealt with fabric. And he traveled and worked for his father and also was on crusades, I think, Francis, before he was St. Francis. And there's the place, you know, that you can stand in where he kind of gave up all his possessions. Basically what he did was he took all his clothes off, you know, and, you know, gave back everything that belonged to him in terms of his family's wealth. And then he donned, you know, this coarse kind of hempen robe with a rope belt and sandals. And you can see the first, supposedly the first robe in this museum. So here's this person with, it's ironic actually that there's giant basilicas and, you know, millions of pilgrims who come. To what?

[11:50]

To connect with and meet someone who had loving kindness, helping the poor, helping those in need, and saying, of course, to the lepers and sick people. That was his practice. And establishing others, establishing an order for those who wanted to join him in these very simple practices, really. And being, I felt very, once again, moved at how this kind of activity is what is remembered and lauded and commemorated and, you know, beatified, you know, he became a saint. And what is that activity but compassionate action, loving kindness in the world, seeing what needs a loving response, seeing what needs a response.

[12:58]

Whether it's loving, whether it looks loving or not, what is an appropriate response? And there is, as I said, the irony of the Basilica of St. Francis, San Francesco. Originally there was just a very simple church in keeping with his simple life and then on top of that is built this enormous basilica which is very human, right? To gild the lily, maybe to add on and make more elaborate, you know. So, you know, we have stories, there's stories in all the traditions, I'm sure, of people giving up their worldly possessions, layman pong, you know, sinking in a boat all his worldly possessions in the middle of a lake, and then making bamboo implements, selling them on the street, and living a very simple life

[14:12]

And, you know, in thinking of our one day sitting today and the simplicity of just sitting together quietly the whole day, caring for, attuning, being aware of our mind, our mind and body in a way that is hard to do, without this kind of support. One day sittings are created to help us deepen our practice, expand our practice, attune and refine our practices that we do daily in a supportive situation. So today we have a chance.

[15:22]

You know, this September is Food Awareness Month, and on a one-day sitting we really do have a chance. We've already had one Uryoki meal. We have lunch and our tea. This is a wonderful time to pay maybe more attention than you've ever paid to, you know, not only the food itself and the tastes and the textures and the fragrance and the colors and everything about this food that has come to us, but also meditating on these reflections when we chant the five reflections. We reflect on how the food came to us, all the different ways, and we reflect on our own practice and all these reflections as we receive food to sustain us in order to carry on our practice of what? Our practice of responding and loving kindness, compassion, and wisdom.

[16:25]

This food supports us. Without it, we would not be able to. And to be able to meditate on this food that we are I won't say lucky, because it's not about luck. I think the fact that we are in this situation where we are receiving food is not about luck. It's about our wholesome roots, planting our wholesome roots, and the support of many, many people that we are able to be here in this situation. So to be... Reflecting on this and also, of course, reflecting on taking a moment to reflect on those who do not have this opportunity to receive food, to have enough food, who do not have food security.

[17:35]

This is a huge issue in our world and to include that in our reflections. I don't think it's listed, but it of course comes up along with our gratitude for what we have. So I invite you to, when we do the meal chat, when you're receiving food, as your bowls are being filled and you're waiting, to actively practice with awareness about our food. today as an extension of our Food Awareness Month, but also as a very, an ongoing practice within our Oryoki practice. Oryoki means, the word Oryoki means just enough. So the bowls we receive just enough to support us, not overdoing it and not underdoing it, is our practice, which is maybe the most difficult practice, middle way.

[18:42]

having just enough, eating just enough. I wanted also to mention that today, throughout the world actually, and I know in San Francisco and many other places, there are demonstrations and gatherings to also reflect on the situation we find ourselves in vis-a-vis. global warming and the environment. So this, um, group called Moving Planet is, some of you know about this, is, it's connected with 350, 350 parts per million of carbon dioxide is the uppermost limit for healthy living. And, uh, so today just to also reflect on that is Moving Planet, um, gatherings and speakers and demonstrations.

[19:46]

San Francisco, I guess, at Civic Center. Maybe some of you wished you were there. I had thought I would go myself, but hopefully there'll be thousands of people throughout the world bringing attention to this today. So we might bear that in mind also today, that this is our response. our moving planet, or a sitting still planet right here, which is our moving in response. Today at Green Gulch, there's a half-day sitting for therapists, psychotherapists, and that's going on in the yurt. And there was something that I wanted to share with you And this is a letter from a woman who was a patient of Carl Jung, a letter she wrote to him, or an excerpt from a letter, which I found very akin to our practice, what she expresses.

[21:00]

And then I wanted to read something from a letter that I received from a student and then bring up kind of pretty basic practice of our day together in a one-day seating. So this is a letter to Jung from this patient of his, or client patient, and she says, by keeping quiet, repressing nothing, remaining attentive, and hand in hand with that, by accepting reality, taking things as they are and not as I want them to be, by doing all this, rare knowledge has come to me, and rare powers as well, such as I could never have imagined before. So I found this, you know, she's describing this by keeping quiet,

[22:07]

Repressing nothing, which is, you know, a thought comes up, a feeling, and this tendency to want to get rid of it or push it down or not pay attention or not accepting, you know, whatever it is. So by keeping quiet, repressing nothing, but remaining attentive to whatever it is that's happening, And hand in hand with that by accepting reality. So there's being very attentive, not pushing anything away, being quiet and accepting this mind and body of accepting. I'm making comments on this. I have no idea who she is, but this is how it hits me. And taking things as they are and not as I want them to be. Allowing each thing to be as it is, rather than pushing and prodding it, wanting it to be something other than it is, not accepting.

[23:22]

Then she says, by doing all this, which feels so close to me to the mind and body of our Sazen mind, allowing things to come forth, not pushing anything away and not grabbing onto anything either. Quietness, attentiveness, accepting things as they are. And then she says, by doing all this, rare knowledge has come to me and rare powers. Now, I'm not really advocating powers or rarity. One might say it's so rare because it's so simple, the power itself. you know, the power of Mip Geist saying, of course, this is, you could say it's rare powers, you know, it's rare knowledge of intimacy with beings, but it's really, it's not, it's nothing outside of our can, it's nothing outside of our possibilities of our own human life, and yet we might feel this

[24:33]

You know, is it rare? It's so simple. It's so simple. It's rare. And as I could never have imagined before, imagining living like that. So I feel our practice of sitting... and allowing whatever arises in the mind. Suzuki Roshi, in Zen, my beginner's mind calls mind waves. Whatever we experience, you could say two ways to relate to whatever we're experiencing. One is that we actually don't relate to it. We are it. every sound, the sound of my voice, all the visuals, all the sensory, all this arises in consciousness, arises in mind, and it's not something outside that is impinging upon us, but arises within the mind, mind waves.

[25:54]

And another way of relating to that is as, you know, in a dualistic way, or that it is separate from us, or the sound of the Han is not me, but the sound of the Han, and relating to it as an object. These are two ways of relating to each thing, each moment, actually. So in this first way of each thing is part of our own body-mind, whether we like it or not is not the point. But the acceptance, the not pushing away, the not wishing it was other, not trying to control, that practice, and especially in Monday sittings and sashims and times when we can so carefully attend to this,

[27:01]

that practice of not suppressing or pushing or wishing it were other has a deeply settling, settling, settling settledness settles our body-mind. When each thing that arises is the mind, Is the mind-body unfolding in this way? Steve Weintraub is doing the one-day sitting for the therapist, and he was going to be bringing up the little chapter in Zen Mind Beginner's Mind called Mind Weeds, Mind Weeds. In that chapter, if you remember, Suzuki Roshi suggests that the weeds, what we call the weeds, are those things we don't like or don't want or can't accept.

[28:14]

If we understand how to work with those things, and also our views on people and all of that, if we understand how to work with them, he says... You bury them next to the plant. You bury the weeds. So you make compost, basically. And if we understand how those things nurture us and feed us and make rich the soil of our life, he says our practice will grow greatly. If we understand how these mind weeds actually nourish us, if we understand how compost grows, makes for healthy plants. So this letter that I received from somebody, and I don't want anyone to know who I received it from, this person is kind of struggling with noticing some patterns

[29:25]

patterns that this person, I'm gonna change the genders back and forth, or try not to say a gender, in protecting this person. The pattern that this person noticed was wanting to control how things work out and doing everything possible so that it will work out a certain way. And then finding that, of course, It doesn't work out that way. It didn't turn out that way. And being unable to accept how it did turn out, and maybe it was just fine. It was fun, actually. It was okay. But it wasn't the way they had planned for. And then chastising themselves. And then in writing this letter... realizing that in writing about it and practicing with this, she, he realized that this was another way, kind of they realized as they were writing the letter, that part of writing the letter and working with this was trying to get rid of it.

[30:47]

Trying to get rid of this pattern. Maybe if I study it and write to my teacher about it You know, meditate on it. I will illuminate it and get rid of it, you know. And it was like as they were writing the letter, they realized what they were up to. You know, it's like the right hand is writing, and the left hand is saying, oh good, now you're really going to get rid of it, just like you wanted to. And the kind of conundrum of that, or the, you know, vicious circle or whatever of... in their practice of trying to understand this secretly, not really just wanting to understand and accept this is how it is and be attentive and not, you know, accept reality, but wanting it to go away, wanting to get rid of it. I just thought it was such a, you know, a wonderful realization in the middle of one's

[31:53]

illusions that we can get rid of things in that way. And then the other thing that they realized at the middle of this was the meditation itself became a way to get rid of it. Even if the effort is to be with it as it is, it is still all in the spirit of coming to a place where I can solve this once and for all and end its hold over me. In other words, in thinking of the precepts, I want to kill it. I'm sure that even as I am writing this, there's a part of me that is thinking, this is it. Now the precepts and the writing about it and looking at it and accepting it, it will all prove to me to end this and kill this pattern in me.

[33:01]

So this subtle wish, and I think in Reb's book on the precepts, to annihilate, you know, annihilate these parts of ourselves, annihilate tendencies, annihilate patterns. And it struck me that in working with this precept of not to kill, to... to see how strongly this wanting to annihilate parts of ourselves can come up embedded in awareness and our practice and wanting to accept our life. There can be a subtle part to that if we look carefully enough that, oh, if I practice hard enough, then I'll really be outside of this. So this is... This is a subtlety there, and I feel there's some humor there as well when we realize this.

[34:06]

And then one might say, well, then what, you know? And it does remind me of the story of Suzuki Roshi kind of waking up to this same point around... cleaning the dorm bathrooms at his college, wanting to do it, and not wanting people to see him do it, but really wanting people to see what a good practitioner he was, and, you know, being caught in that. Wanting to practice with these tendencies and accept them fully, and yet, if I accept it fully, then I won't have to deal. This is very... worthy of illuminating, worthy of shining the light on this. And what might be the answer, one might say, well, there's no answer to this except to continue to accept all of it.

[35:20]

Accepting that part that wants to annihilate, that wants to wanting to change, wanting to wake up and change and to be, you know, live out our bodhisattva vow to the greatest degree we can. I'm not talking about, you know, that per se. I'm talking more about those people Parts of ourselves that we want to get rid of, are ashamed of, can feel the ill effects or the unwholesome quality, perhaps, and this longing to, is the longing to get rid of these things more of the same, the non-acceptance?

[36:22]

Or is it, may it be so that I wake up to how this operates, how I am living my life, how I pay attention to these patterns. May I wake up to this, all of it. And I feel that's a different attitude than I want out, I want to get rid of. I don't want this anymore. I think those are very different and may be hard to pull apart, actually. So as we sit, can we taste almost how it is that those very things that We want to get rid of, and in that letter it was like this thing of annihilation or killing.

[37:27]

There's a lot of energy there. There's a lot of energy in that wanting to get rid of those things that were ashamed of or feel are not serving anybody. There's lots of energy there. And can we feel how that energy, when accepted and looked at and not pushed away or turned away from, supports us and nurtures us and strengthens us, just like compost. So I just wanted to read a little bit from Mind Waves.

[38:53]

When you are practicing zazen, do not try to stop your thinking. Let it stop by itself. If something comes into your mind, let it come in and let it go out. It will not stay long. When you try to stop your thinking, It means you are bothered by it. Do not be bothered by anything. It appears as if something comes from outside your mind. But actually, it is only the waves of your mind. And if you are not bothered by the waves, gradually they will become calmer and calmer. And he says something very optimistic.

[39:58]

In five or at most ten minutes, your mind will be completely serene and calm. At that time, your breathing will become quite slow, while your pulse will become a little faster. These are... So in this... Not being bothered. Whatever comes up, this attitude of, there it is, I see you, and let it go. Neither pushing it away, nor being horrified by it, nor grabbing on. This is the first time you've ever had Zazen instruction. This is the same instruction. Neither push things away, nor grab on to anything. What is that? So whatever happens today, whatever comes up, the agony and the ecstasy, irritation or great serenity and calm, to not be bothered or moved one way or the other.

[41:07]

It's waves of our mind. And this big acceptance and not being bothered, finding our composure, whatever happens, because things will continue to happen, you know, year after year. There's never a time when it's going to be completely smooth sailing and no waves. Water has waves. Water is waves. Water and waves come together, are one thing. So these waves of the mind is our own nature, our own awakened nature. Can we not be bothered? See what happens, accepting everything.

[42:10]

Taking things as they are. Keeping quiet, repressing or pushing away nothing. Very simple. practicing in this way forever, may it be so that we're ready to say, of course, of course. Yes, of course. Thank you very much. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our programs are made possible by the donations we receive. Please help us to continue to realize and actualize the practice of giving by offering your financial support. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click Giving.

[43:15]

May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

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