Well, good morning, everybody. Happy solstice. I was up on top of Mount Tam this morning to greet the sunrise with a lot of other people. It was quite lovely. So the solstice, as everybody knows, is the shortest day of the year. So from now on, a little more light every day. Things are looking up. And this evening, we begin Hanukkah, which is just like the solstice, a festival of light. Also a celebration of the return of the light during the darkest time of the year. And then in a few days, Christmas, which when you really come down to it is a similar holiday, celebrating the entry of the light into the world at a dark time.

[01:11]

So we can all hope for this in our world now, a new light to be dawning in the middle of a dark time. And probably it makes good sense to hope for this because isn't that the way it always goes? There's light, there's darkness, there's light, there's darkness. So when it's dark, you can rest assured that the light is coming. So this morning, I thought I would talk a little bit about the sun since light is our theme for the day. And you know, for a long time, I lived here at Green Gulch sat every morning with the community for many, many years. But now I live a little ways up the road and generally I sit in the morning by myself or with my wife. And we sit before dawn and we can see the sun come popping up over the hill across the way from our house.

[02:23]

And in the evening, if we go around the other side, we can see the sun slowly going down in the west. And I always find the sunset to be a very emotional time of day. Once a friend of mine who practices with us at Everyday Zen decided she would go on a solo retreat. So she went by herself far away, nobody around, for about 30 days. And she had a few times where she called me up to... say how she was doing and what was going on. And I'll never forget once she called and she said, I don't know what's wrong with me. Every day when the sun goes down, I burst into tears. What's wrong with me? And I said, well, I can understand that. That makes sense. Because it's very sad when the sun goes down every day. And if we were really

[03:26]

Therefore, I think any one of us would burst into tears on any day when the sun goes down. So the sun comes up, the sun goes down, and in the nighttime it's dark, and I can look up at the stars in the pitch black sky, and there I am, myself, in the middle of this crazy human world with its crazy human problems and time is passing by not that much time left probably in my life these are the most obvious things in the world probably no use even thinking about them but then again I think spiritual practice is the

[04:28]

consideration of the obvious. That's what our practice is. The sun comes up, the sun goes down, but is that actually the case? Well, we know it's not. We know that the sun doesn't come up and go down. Actually, the sun is meandering throughout the universe and it's not going up and coming down. Instead, we all know this, the earth is slowly rotating, majestically, every day, ever so slightly, little by little by little, away from the sun and then back again, at least from where we're sitting on the earth. So it looks like the sun is setting and rising, but it's not setting or rising, it's our planet that's turning

[05:30]

with immense dignity, slowly away from the seeming to be setting sun. So, consider this. For 300,000 years, every human being on the planet knew for a certainty that the sun was rising and setting. But they were wrong. It wasn't until the 16th century that Copernicus, at great personal cost to himself, showed us that the earth is not, as we had always imagined, the center of the universe, the center of the solar system. The sun is the center of the solar system. For 300,000 years, every human being could see plainly that the world was a flat plane of indeterminate but probably infinite length.

[06:52]

Because no matter how far anyone had ever walked or rowed or sailed in a boat, they never came to the edge of this plane, they would come to mountains or whatever it was, but crossing on the other side of the mountains, there would be the plane again, stretching forward without end. And everybody could see this. There was absolutely no doubt about it. And of course, now we're all educated and we know not to trust our everyday experience of the flatness of the earth. We all know that the earth is not flat, that it's round, that it's a sphere, and that it's turning all the time, moving through space. That the earth is not stationary, even though it feels like it, that in fact, nothing on the earth is stationary. We're all sitting here quite still,

[07:57]

We all think we're stationary, but in reality, we're zooming through space. All of us right now, we're zooming through space. Vast space. So big that we can't conceive of how large it is. Though we have numbers for it, but the numbers don't really compute in terms of our everyday experience. They're literally abstractions. We say that we look up at the sky at night. But what would up mean on a spherical planet hurtling through space? I think it would be just as good to say that we're looking down into the abyss of the stars in space. Actually up, down,

[09:00]

What does this really mean in our actual situation? Moving, stationary, what do these things really mean in terms of our actual situation? So all this is just to point out that we have an everyday sense of things, but we really don't know what's going on. And at least now we know that we don't really know what's going on. And we all learn these things in school. We all learn that we don't weigh anything, that we're actually pressed down. Weight is just simply the force of the earth pressing us down to the earth in love and kindness. the earth that's rotating around the sun in space that's measureless and dark.

[10:02]

And then actually, we do still think that the earth is flat. That's the way we live our lives. And we do still think that the sun comes up and goes down. And we all think that we have to lose five pounds, even though we don't weigh anything. And we think, that we are who we think we are. And that our limitations are as we imagine them to be. And that our problems and the problems of the world are exactly as we describe them. And anybody can see how foolish this is. And that the overwhelming just logical, rational likelihood is that we are probably mistaken about almost everything we think.

[11:10]

And that our lives are not as we imagine them to be, but are instead an extremely clever and convincing delusion. The Heart Sutra says this in the simplest and most elegant way possible. No eyes, no ears, no nose, no tongue, no body, no mind. That is, don't believe your eyes or ears or nose or tongue or body or mind. The objects that we see are not as we think they are solid. We know this. They're full of space. Everything is full of space in which particles that we now know may or may not exist spin. And our thoughts and our feelings also may not be as we think they are.

[12:21]

It's not necessarily that things are definitely otherwise than they appear. They are otherwise, but not necessarily otherwise. That is, we really don't know exactly how things are. All we can be sure of is that what we're experiencing and thinking about what we're experiencing is very likely not quite right. But even this... isn't necessarily so. We think we know the sun rises and sets but we understand this isn't actually so but maybe it's not so either that the sun revolves or the sun moves through the universe and the earth revolves around the sun. We don't know. It seems to be according to the system of thought that we have at the moment true. So what is the truth? About our planet, about our solar system, about our lives, our problems.

[13:32]

The truth is that we're looking for the truth. And we keep on finding it and losing it and finding it fresh. So rather than being so convinced of our habitual and local points of view, I think we need to become more doubtful. And this is not just an intellectual matter, a matter only for thought. Also, it's a psychological matter and a biological matter and a physiological matter. How do you actually feel? Now, as you're sitting here, Do you really know? Could you go beyond your habitual and local feeling of being so and so with such and such characteristics and feel instead something else that's also present?

[14:49]

What it actually feels like to be alive with everything depending on you. What's it actually like to walk and stand and sit? What does that really feel like? Is it possible that we could forget about our problems, our pain, our fatigue, our despair, our desire long enough to actually feel what it's like to stand up tall in the middle of boundless, unknowable space and achieve our true human dignity. Is that possible? Could we do that if just for a moment? As we all know, the sun is 93 million miles away.

[16:01]

Not 94. Not 92. 93 million miles, which is just about right. If it were too much further away, we would all be frozen, dead, on a dark planet. If it were too much closer than it is, it would be blazing hot and most of the life forms that exist now, including ourselves, would not be able to exist. So it's not too cold and not too hot, it's just right. Although it's getting hotter, still, compared to the possibilities of the sun being 80 million miles away, we're actually doing pretty well.

[17:08]

And although we can't most likely ascribe to the sun, to the cosmos intentionality, as we understand intentionality, you have to really marvel at the way things have just happened to work out. Probably no one, no entity, no separate, circumscribed, intentional consciousness made all this be the way it is. But that makes it all the more wonderful. to contemplate its utter perfection 93 million miles not a mile more not a mile less just about right just enough heat and light to give us this incredible variety of life forms and to eventually have produced us who are capable of

[18:24]

saying what I've just said and understanding it in our way. And we can feel grateful for it. We have that capacity to understand how fantastic this is and to be grateful for it. Once we calm down a little bit and get somewhat free of our habitual complaining, in our constant dissatisfaction, we can actually feel gratitude. Once our minds clear up a little bit, and we can for a moment forget about feeling sorry for ourselves, we don't have to produce this feeling of gratitude. It will arise in us naturally once the mind settles a little bit. Because this feeling of gratitude and amazement at the gift of the world that's just right for us comes up because I think it's a naturally selected feature of our humanity.

[19:38]

As we know, the sun is quite different from the earth, way larger for one thing. but also the sun is a blazing ball of fire. But did you ever consider the fact that just like a wood fire or a candle, the sun in blazing is burning up its own substance. Each second, the sun consumes four million tons of itself. Four million tons a second in order to produce the light and the heat that radiates outward from the sun absolutely freely in all directions. Lighting up our solar system and literally giving it life.

[20:44]

Isn't this an extraordinary thing? If the sun were a person, we would be marveling at this incredible act of compassion to do this for us and for all the solar system, to burn up its own substance for us. And I had the idea that ancient peoples everywhere in the world actually intuitively knew all of this science that we now know. And they knew it imaginatively and with a sense of wonder. It has always fascinated me that all over the world, in ancient civilizations everywhere, details differ, but more or less, people everywhere understood

[21:53]

that the God of the world had made an immense sacrifice given up the God's own substance in order for this world to exist and that we human beings in gratitude for this act of sacrifice are ourselves to make sacrifices to pay back this compassionate God and also to encourage the God to keep doing this and not stop. People all over the world understood it this way and made sacrifices. This fact, this deep human feeling, beyond knowledge and belief systems, is really the basis of all religious life. And it's why I think we all everywhere in the world value compassion and love so much.

[23:05]

Why would we? But everyone does. Because we're built for this. And no matter what we think about it or don't think about it, we have this feeling in us. But we all think it anyway. You know, people may not be that compassionate, but mostly everybody, if you ask them, will be in favor of compassion. Very few people will argue against it. Now, compassion is bad. It's a bad idea. Very few. Even cynics who don't believe that there is much compassion will agree. It would be nice if there were. And if you could find some people, and I think it is possible to find some people who really don't like compassion and love, think it's just bad, chances are overwhelming that these are people who have been wounded somehow and are just reacting against their wounds, and that's why they feel that way.

[24:12]

So it's almost impossible to find a person who genuinely has thought it over And without distortion, just thinks that compassion and love is a bad idea. Not good. Very rare. Anywhere. And when we practice Zazen, when we sit down on our cushions, I think we're settling our minds without intentionally doing this. What we're doing anyway is letting go of our usual strategies and concepts just enough to take a step back into our ancient and natural life. To be sure, as those of you who have practiced Zazan know, this may take some effort and some trouble because there may be some pain or some frustration involved

[25:17]

in undoing our usual conditioning. But it can be done. And we're built for this. We are capable of it and we're built for it. And isn't it interesting that we say that love and compassion are warm. Warm like sunlight. To use up our life to benefit others is something quite natural to us. It feels warm and it feels right. It's a mistake for us to try to achieve something in our practice. For the me that I conventionally think I am

[26:18]

and I'm probably mistaken about, with all of my great skills and talents and intentions, for this me to work hard to get the practice right and strive to do it is probably a bad way of going about it. Because practice is not an accomplishment. Enlightenment is not an achievement. It is simply allowing the light From above and below, the light that is reflected and mirrored inside, simply to be allowed to shine through as it naturally wants to do. It's there, it's there all along, but it has been covered up by our old sad habits. And if we try too hard and struggle to uncover it,

[27:20]

It'll just be more of the same. Habit. Trying to undo habit. So we have to just be patient. And just be quiet with it. And just keep on. With the spirit of ongoing. Endless. Practice. Day after day. As we say. Lifetime after lifetime. And this was the great spirit of our founding teacher Suzuki Roshi. Just keep on practicing. Don't get excited. And this is very much the spirit of our tradition. One of my all-time favorite Zen stories is the story that's often called Everyday Mind is the Way.

[28:23]

Nanjuan asks his teacher Zhaozhou what is the way what is the path and Zhaozhou says everyday mind is the way And Zhao Zhao says, if everyday mind is the way, how do I aim for it? I mean, if it's just there already, how am I gonna get there? And Nanxuan says, if you aim for it, you'll be going in exactly the wrong direction. So Zhao Zhao says, Well, if I can't aim for it, how will I know it?

[29:27]

And Nan Chuan says, it's not a matter of knowing or not knowing. Knowing is an exaggeration, an overestimation. And not knowing is just empty-headed stupidity. The way is as vast as space. as vast as the solar system and the whole of the chartless cosmos. What does this have to do with yes and no thinking? Yes and no thinking, knowing and not knowing, aiming for something, striving for something, these are our deeply ingrained human habits our habits of mind thought and attitude and behavior this is what we do and there's nothing wrong with any of this this is natural to us as well of course we manifest these things because we're we're human beings naturally we think we desire we plan we scheme

[30:47]

But we have forgotten that besides this, we're also something else. Love, compassion, and gratitude are not just pretty noble and noble ideas. They are actually the basis of our human consciousness. And we all know this. And we all feel the truth of it. We feel it in our bones and we feel it in our very breath. And all of our religions tell us that this is so and that's not an accident. The path to find this love and this compassion, this light that we celebrate, particularly this time of year, the dark time, is not a matter of conventional effort or talent, nor is it a miracle that we wait for to dawn on us from the outside.

[32:01]

Instead, it is a question of simply being willing to be present without aim, without knowing or not knowing with what is, with whatever arises in our lives each moment. And there is no big mystery to this. And Zen practice is not esoteric or complicated or hard to grasp. Just be willing to meet conditions as they actually are, inside and outside. And don't try to run away or cling because running away and clinging are both impossible anyway.

[33:06]

And this is the definition of suffering and of our basic human lunacy that we're all the time trying to escape the inescapable. cling to the ungraspable I suppose there are a lot of ways but the best way that I know to practice this to meet conditions as they are without running away or clinging is simply to sit down right in the middle of your human life to breathe, to be present, to feel the activity of the body, mind and heart. And if you will do this and be faithful to it ongoingly, as Dogen says, your treasure house will open of itself and you will use it at will.

[34:20]

Well, I'm finished with my lecture, but I had a hard time speaking this lecture today because I'm feeling a dark feeling today, and I hope that you'll help me with it. Yesterday, last night, I found out that one of my closest friends, Charles Bernstein, who's a wonderful poetry colleague of mine of many, many years and a deep, deep friend, he told me last night that his 23-year-old daughter, Emma, who is a bright, lively, wonderful person, whom I also knew well, that she had hanged herself yesterday in Venice and this is the worst thing that can happen you know as a child to lose a child and to lose a child in suicide it's hard to imagine you know worst thing so I really feel this this grief and the sorrow and so some of you in the room will know how to chant

[36:04]

So, those of you who know how to chant it, I would like, please, I was talking to them on the phone this morning, and I said, today I'm gonna probably struggle through the talk at Green Gulch, but when I'm finished, maybe I'll ask the good folks who come to Green Gulch to chant with me, or if you don't know the chant, to hold Emma Bernstein in your hearts. with loving-kindness. And the rest of us can chant seven times the En Me Juku Kanan Gyo and I'll chant a little dedication at the end for Emma. En Me Juku Kanan Gyo Thank you.

[37:35]

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Amen. Amen. Amen. Thank you.

[38:40]

We awaken Buddha's compassion and luminous mirror wisdom. Chanting the image of Kanan Gyo, we offer the merit to the safe crossing over of Emma Bernstein. May her spirit know peace, may she go toward the light. And may she, together with all beings, find peace and healing through Buddha's way.

[39:45]

Buddha's ten directions, three times. Maha Satvas Wisdom Beyond Wisdom Maha Prajnaparamita Thank you very much for being willing to do that. I didn't mean to put you in a bad mood. I hope it doesn't.

[40:54]

But these things do happen. They happen to many of us. Versions of this. So we have to also live our lives taking this into account. And it is... a real blessing to have your support in this and to have some ritual way to help us contain our grief and the confused feelings that come into the heart at a time like this. So thank you for being willing to do that. So, the light is coming, little by little. more and more every day. Enjoy these holidays. One way or another, light some candles. Think about love. Think about compassion.

[41:56]

Think about gratitude for all you have in this life and all the people in your lives. And we'll see you next time.

[42:06]

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