Good morning and afternoon and whatever other time it is where you are. Well, I wanted to remind you all about next week. So the 24th, which is the day we're going to do Jukai at Green Gulch, a precept ceremony, at 3 o'clock in the Zendo. And our good friends, Elisa Carol, Chris Enders, and Spi, Agis, Spi, sorry, Gi, Gi Spina, are going to be receiving the bodhisattva precepts. So I'm really looking forward to that. And I hope those of you who are local, if you can, will come and join us. And the rest of you will plan on having some photographs. And thanks to Dean, who's been so generous in doing that for us. So that'll be on the 31st. Talk about the ceremony and share some photographs of that. So basically, the main message is there won't be any online class next week.

[01:14]

Our ceremony probably won't be done until around 4.30, and then we'll have a little reception and so on. So the time is just a little tight there. So I want to turn now to these amazing teachings of Shinryu Suzuki Roshi as we continue looking at the talks in the first part of Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind, which are entitled Right Practice. Right practice. So I was reading about the people who put this book together. So one of the kind of early, early students of Suzuki Roshi, Marion Derby, he was giving lectures down in Los Gatos and maybe perhaps at her home. I think it might have been. And she and whoever else recorded those. They knew they were good. And so they recorded his talks. And then another amazing woman her name is Trudy Dixon, was the editor. And she took these talks and she transcribed them and put them in the order that pretty much they are in the book.

[02:16]

And I think these two women are not as well advertised as some of the other Zen teachers and so on, but I really love knowing that both of them were just instrumental in bringing this wonderful book into the world. Trudy Dixon, sadly, I think she was around 30 when she died from cancer, And I think she had been one of Suzuki Roshi's main disciples at the time and very wise for her years. So I wanted to just shout out Marion Derby and Trudy Dixon. Trudy Dixon was an interesting little sidebar, was married to Mike Dixon and they have a couple of children and probably well grown up by now. But Mike Dixon is a painter who has done the wonderful paintings at Green's Restaurant and now also Enso Village. We have all of Mike Dixon's paintings. He does kind of these kind of pale landscapes, the Bay Area scenery, and they're quite wonderful.

[03:17]

And so we have this connection to the Dixon family that continues right now. And also he's the artist who drew the fly. If you're familiar with Zemi Beginner's Mind, at some point you're turning the pages and then there's a drawing of a fly. And they had asked Mike to do something for the book. And he said, well, I can't really do Zen drawing or Buddhist drawing, but I can draw a fly. And so he did. And then the comment was, well, Suzuki Roshi really loved frogs. He thought frogs were kind of the essential inspiration for Zen. They just kind of sit there waiting. And then what comes along but a fly. So there's the fly in the book. And it's all kind of a wonderful family lore. Zen Center Lore. So, Trudy Dixon is the person who divided these talks into these three sections. And the first one that we're looking at now is Right Practice. And then next we'll look at the section called Right Attitude.

[04:18]

And then the last section is Right Understanding. So these are not exactly arbitrary in terms of the categories. They're not the classical three parts of the Buddhist canon. In the early canon, the Pali canon, the three parts were ethics, samadhi, or concentration, meditation, and wisdom. So shila, samadhi, and prajna. So that was kind of classic. And this is somewhat in the ballpark, but she had a little different way of organizing these talks. So her division was... based on these three parts of our practice body our body our thinking and our feelings so the first section is about our body posture body practice the second one about feelings attitude that drives the body to do various things and then there's thoughts as we all know which are kind of the stars of our life and our show and what creates all of our confusion and also our virtue.

[05:19]

All of that is basically going on based in our thinking. So in this first section, which is emphasizing the body, there are these talks that Suzuki Roshi gave on the very practical aspects of seated meditation, which includes focusing our awareness on both our body and on our mind. And given that they're not separate, They can't function one without the other. Basically, we're focusing on the wholeness of our existence, a universal existence that includes everything. So little by little, as you begin to look closely at your experience of being a living being, you begin to see that connection that you have is to just about everything. And it goes on. It kind of radiates out. like those little ripples in a pond. You've got a person and then you've got everything around it that makes that person. And that person does that makes other people and so on. So it's kind of the way that we all impact each other and are impacted and created by each other.

[06:20]

So this wholeness of our universal existence is just reality itself, shorthand. We call it reality. So this next section right attitude includes talks that serve to educate us toward a correct view of reality itself so we have the first section on the body now this one on attitude is about our feelings you know here we are with the body and our bodies have what we call feelings we call that what's going on there we have feelings and so feelings orient us to what we think of as the world and what we think of as ourself so in a sense they they include both sides of what we call reality. So first step, reality. Second step, reality seems to come in various parts, in various textures. And so one side of those textures is called relative truth. We've talked about that a lot. All the ways that you relate, mostly through thinking, to various things in your life, internal, external, so-called, as if they were internal and external, all the ways we define ourselves and the world are through

[07:31]

in this lens of feelings, how we feel about it. And so the relative side, the relative truth, is offered in words, in that we can talk about things. And so that side of reality, the relative truth, is the most familiar to us, the one we live in, we're trained in, and kind of believe in, whether we want to or not. We kind of fall for it all the time. And yet, this other side of reality, the ultimate truth, words can't reach there. They're in there, but they can't capture. They can't capture anything, really, but they are part of reality. They just aren't defining anything, really. They're just sort of fingers pointing at the moon. You've heard that metaphor many times. So the talks in the second section include, for a Zen practitioner, this integrity that the self, the training of integrity of our self, even though it's not actually something we can find, still we have this operating system, this functioning system that generates energy and takes action in the world.

[08:36]

The doer of deeds and the recipient of the consequences of those deeds. That's kind of the energy exchange that's going on with us. So this integrity of our social self, when it's in alignment with our true self, is our Buddha nature. So understanding our true self is part of the job that we're trying to do in studying the Buddhist teaching and Suzuki Roshi is a conduit to understanding that teaching and a rather wonderful one. So the navigational system that we use to make our way through the challenges of being a person within a society of persons are what we call our feelings. So that's section two. feelings so we've had you know first step is posture body second step is feelings also body and then these three things that come together the thoughts are kind of like the whole team that makes up what we think of as ourself and herself so in terms of these feelings there are three feelings that drive our life and i you know these i think if i asked you did a quickie quiz you would all know that those three feelings are positive

[09:49]

negative and neutral you know i like it i don't like it and i'm not sure if i like it or not so another name for those three in the buddhist tradition is greed hate and delusion and uh you saw how these function when i showed you the wheel of birth and death a couple weeks back and i wanted to just start by just pointing that out once again because I think it's really helpful to have these foundational images in our minds when we're trying to read through the conceptual teachings. It gets kind of abstract in there sometimes. And I find pictures to be extremely helpful. And I often will draw or bring pictures into class because I feel as though just talking about this sort of thing can kind of just pass through your ears and out the other side. So I want to once again, I want to show you this. this picture that helps us to understand what's wrong what's going on what is wrong here what's going on here um okay so this one is the wheel of birth and death and these three toxins or three poisons as they're called greed hate and delusion if i asked you to point at them then you would point right here in the middle this is the place where these three do their work right in the center of our suffering

[11:11]

is greed, hate, and delusion. Greed, hate, and delusion. Greed, hate, and delusion. Around and around again. Those are the primary movers. That's why they're depicted there in the hub. So I have another image I wanted to show you, which is a close-up of that. Can you see that now? Are you seeing the centerpiece? Do you see the... Yeah? Okay, good. I wasn't sure how that worked. Yes, so here's another illustration. This is what they're also called... These root... These toxins, these poisons at the root of our life are called in Sanskrit kleshas. Kleshas meaning unwholesome. This is the gunk that's kind of messing with us. Greed, hate and delusion are the unwholesome roots and we're born with them. It's not our fault. We didn't do anything to get them. They come in with the body and the mind. And they trap us in samsara. Samsara being the wheel. The way the wheel turns. The wheel of birth and death. the arising of suffering and so on. This is all as a result of how these three work together to create suffering.

[12:17]

So greed is the rooster, the poor rooster here. Notice how they're all holding on to each other. So greed is the rooster and hate is the snake and delusion is the pig. And there they are. right in the center. And another thing, too, that I just was noticing and reading through these commentaries on the 12-fold chain is that there's antidotes to each of these which are so familiar because this is kind of primary Buddhist teaching. So the antidote to greed is generosity, the first of the paramitas. If you're greedy, well, try being generous. Turn the energy this way rather than this way. me and go toward you instead. The antidote to hate is loving-kindness. It's a practice, something we all have to work on, loving-kindness. And the antidote to ignorance is wisdom. So when the wheel, when this wheel

[13:32]

illustration of the first and second noble truth when this wheel is turning clockwise which is how the buddhists have chosen to have a turn to illustrate samsara meaning suffering and samsara means endless turning endless turning endless turn it's your habits i did it before and i'm going to do it again and i'm going to do it again i'm going to do it again and so familiar it feels that way you know things you do over and over again even though you don't want to do them you don't like the outcome of them there it is again there it is again So these are our habits of mind, and when they're going toward the right, starting with ignorance and karmic formations, and you get a body, the five skandhas, and then you have contact with another body, and that contact produces feelings. I like it, or I don't like it, or I'm not sure. So those are the three again, these three toxins. We decide on each occasion when we have contact with another body, whether it's an object, or whether it's another person, or an animal, whether we like it, we don't like it, or we're not sure.

[14:34]

So that's just kind of simple, the way we go. But we kind of have complicated ideas about all of that and justifications and novels that are written about all of those feelings and so on. But really it comes down to each of us having these particular inborn tendencies for liking and not liking, and then being confused about all of that. So, you know, when we're trapped in these primary impulses, is what causes our suffering, because we don't want that. We don't want these things that come from our habitual ways, our habits. You know, we don't like it, and not liking it makes it worse. Because now, not only am I a habit, my habit is behaving a certain way, I don't like it. So I've got kind of a double down on not feeling good. so um and then when the wheel turns to the left which is what the buddha did with this observation he made of the workings of his mind which is what this wheel illustrates is how the mind works he turned the wheel the other way he stopped at feelings just stopped right there stopped the car i've said that many times just stop the car you have a feeling put on the brakes and wait and watch

[15:50]

If you can, if you need to step away, or if you need to go sit down, or if you need to do something else, go outside. But just stop when you feel that boiling, when you feel all that agitation coming up. Just stop. That's zazen. That's samadhi. Just stop and look. Stop, look, and listen. Just like you do at the railroad crossing. Stop, look, and listen. There's a train coming. You want to be on this side of the tracks, not on the tracks. okay so when the wheel turns the other way that's the cessation of suffering now all of this suffering and the cessation of suffering are products of our imagination the wheel is a product of our imagination it's how the mind works it's the working of the mind right that's our imagination right we're making so much of it we're making up and uh that's kind of frustrating you know can i just stop making things up apparently not it's not that easy

[16:51]

So then there's the final section. So that's second section. I'm talking about feelings. First section was about body. So now we've got feelings. And the last section we'll be looking at, Suzuki Roshi, is right understanding. And these are the teachings he gives about wisdom. Prajnaparamita. Wisdom beyond wisdom. Which is based on an understanding of the teachings of non-duality. He saw the star, wasn't outside. Non-duality of emptiness. there's no substantial nature to anything including our thoughts including the objects that we think are out there nothing substantial in any direction not in here and not out there empty of inherent or solid kind of existence like always there kind of like a diamond you know we want something to just be there permanent all the time and there's nothing like that no things that exist forever and then there's dependent core rising which explains how we all got here you know, on all the causes and conditions that bring us into being.

[17:53]

And all of these things, all of these teachings are coming out of or based on the Buddha's awakened insight. That morning that he went, oh my gosh, you know, I had no idea. I had no idea how much of this was just not necessary. Just stop. You know, just stop. So, as he says in the subheading under the title page, Suzuki Roshi, I think this is a Suzuki Roshi quote, it is wisdom which is seeking for wisdom it's already your buddha nature is already seeking for your true nature that's why you're doing this it's already you've already heard the good news and now you're looking for who said that where's that coming from you know and we're finding some source material and looking back again at suzuki roshi coming from suzuki roshi it's coming from from his teacher and from Dogenzenji and it's coming from China and it's coming from India and it's coming from that young prince who sat under a tree that's where it's all coming from and before that there were wise ones also influencing the way that we think in the way that we understand the world so it's beginningless and endless both greed hate and delusion and the wisdom and the antidotes to greed hate and delusion

[19:13]

They kind of ride together. One side and the other are kind of connected. Greed is connected to generosity. They define each other. And wisdom to ignorance. And loving kindness to hatred. So they're all teamed up. And we get to choose which side to illuminate. So in the first five talks that we've been discussing, which are all in part one, Those were called, the first one was posture, second was breathing, and then the third was control. Control your horse, I mean your cow, by giving it a big pasture. Some of these are very famous things that Suzuki Roshi talked about and we've all heard many lectures on. Then there was mind waves. The mind just kind of forms these waves, which are made out of water. They're not separate from, the substance of the waves is the same as the substance of the source. And then there were mind weeds. we talked about last time so today we're looking at the talk called the marrow the bone like bone marrow the marrow of zen so he begins his talk with a classical buddhist story about the four horses so this is kind of the koan i'm going to call that the koan of this talk there are these four horses in the buddhist tradition i think they're from the poly canon and the four horses are like there's one that's excellent

[20:41]

and it runs without needing to be whipped or even to see a whip. It just likes to run. I recently saw a recording of Secretariat, I think it might have been Churchill Downs, I don't know which race track it was. I mean, kind of horrifying what's happening to those horses. But anyway, this video of Secretariat running, I think it was 25 lengths ahead at the end of the race of the next horse. It was like, no one could believe their eyes and this horse was just like, Excellent, really excellent, beautiful, incredible creature. So that's the excellent horse. And then there's the good horse that runs when it sees the shadow of the whip. You don't have to touch it, but it needs a little encouragement. And then there's the not so good horse, which needs to be tapped with the whip. And then finally, there's the bad horse. Finally, it may decide to run or it may not. It's not set what it's going to do. So the metaphor of the four horses is a really interesting one for us because it's sort of the opposite of the way we've been taught.

[21:50]

We all think, I think we thought, that we ought to be the best horse. the only choice really was to be the best horse to get you know the best grades and to get the best job and to get the best partner and the best housing and the best food and all of the best of everything because that's kind of how it goes in a society based on who's the best and what the best is going to get if they're the best so it's kind of this materialistic view of life and And I think we all had to go through a period of mourning, giving up the idea that that actually was the pathway to happiness, you know, by accumulation, by getting, rather than by giving, by generosity. So what he says is, you know, oh, I was going to mention, we used to have this t-shirt that we made at Gringo, it was so cute, there was a picture of a farmer on the cover. or maybe somebody sweeping, I can't remember, but anyway, somebody working, a little Zen person working, and the caption said on the sweatshirt said, working hard, accomplishing nothing.

[22:57]

You know, the point of pride for us, may it be so, that we work hard and we're really not doing that in order to get something out of it. You know, like, oh, you sweep so great, you know, you're the best sweeper. It's kind of like, that's not the kind of approach, and as Suzuki Roshi's saying that too, that's not Zen. That's not the Zen mind. That's not the way we want to teach ourselves to think. He says that if we think that the purpose of Zen practice is to become one of the best horses, then we will have a very big problem. And that is, wanting to be the best horse is neither right understanding, it's not the right attitude, and it's not right practice. You know, it kind of fails in all three categories. And then he asks us, When you think of the mercy of the Buddha, how do you think Buddha will feel about the four kinds of horses? Think he's going to like the excellent horse? Oh yeah, going with that guy. Or do you think he might really care about the one who's got troubles, who's really just hiding in his stall or her stall?

[24:05]

Probably so, probably. Compassion goes toward the one that has the greatest need or the greatest suffering. So that question that he asked reminded me of a story of my own that happened years ago. I was in a class with my teacher, Reb Anderson, and I've been in many classes with Reb Anderson, and we were studying koans from the Book of Serenity. And I don't know if you've had this experience, if you've been around any in-person classes lately at the Zen Center or any Zen Center, but it's pretty intimidating to ask questions in a room full of people studying Zen. It's like, There was a saying when I first came to Zen Center that those who ask don't know and those who know don't tell. I thought, okay, well then I'm not going to say a word because it seems like as soon as you talk, people are going to know that you don't know. It's like, oh my God, how embarrassing. So I had mostly not asked questions in class. I was pretty much in the back row, you know, taking notes and trying to be very kind of invisible.

[25:08]

and wanting to try to understand, what is he talking about? You know, it was very esoteric from my young Zen years. So at that one point, I was just kind of got, something came over me and I asked a question. I raised my hand and I asked a question and Reb answered me and then he asked me a question and I just kind of stared at him. You know, I was a little bit shocked that I was supposed to say something. And so I didn't, I couldn't speak. And so then he went on to someone else. And then after the class, I was walking out with a good friend. And I said, well, that's that. I will never speak in a class ever again. That's it. I will never ask another question. I was so humiliated. And my friend said to me, you don't get it, do you? And I said, well, clearly not. What? And she said, people love us for what's broken. I'll never forget that because it was so much like this opposite world.

[26:10]

It's the bad horse that gets the sympathy. The Buddhist sympathy is going to the broken parts, the parts that are wounded, the parts that are looking for some support or some comfort. So I thought I would ask all of you to just take a moment to consider if you think that's true too, that you really care about people who are hurting. I mean, your kind of heart goes out to people when they're suffering. They've fallen down or that they've forgotten their lines. You know, the kid forgot their lines in the school play. Or, you know, they're blushing or whatever. See if you can find that part of yourself. How do you feel about the people when they make mistakes? You know, when they're having a hard time? Does your heart go to them? Or you tend to go toward the one who does everything well? So I think that when my friend asked that question, I recognized that for myself, that I really do care about the folks who are hurting, and I really do wish to be of support to them, and so on and so forth.

[27:19]

But it's hard to apply that to myself, because I was embarrassed, I was hurting, but I couldn't feel that toward myself. But my friend could. She was very kind. And so I did ask questions after that. I went back to embarrassing myself for quite a number of years. So if we do manifest the compassion of the Buddha, or we even can imagine the compassion of the Buddha, I think we do find that we love people for what's broken, you know? And we root for them as they try their best to make their way. So then Suzy Grechi says that we are determined to practice Zazen with this great mind of Buddha. And then we will find, when we do, that the worst horse is the most valuable. in our imperfections we will find the basis for our firm, way-seeking mind, and that those mind-weeds that he spoke about in the last talk will nourish our practice when we remain conscious and determined to seek the end of suffering, not only for ourselves, which is of course a nice idea, but also for all beings.

[28:27]

That's our vow. I was also remembering another teacher of mine years back. Her name was Judith Lassiter. She used to be rather well-known. I haven't heard her name for a while because I think she's probably, like me, has gotten a bit old. But she was a wonderful yoga teacher, Iyengar yoga teacher. She told our class one time, she had people with loose hamstrings have a very hard time practicing yoga because it's too easy. You know, downward dog, fine. You know, like you just... bend over, touch their toes, no matter. She said, it's the ones who can't do it, the ones who have to really work at stretching those hamstrings, which is pretty painful. She said, those are the ones who can actually learn yoga, who can do the yoga. So that was encouraging too, because I have very tight hamstrings. So then Suzuki Roshi says that those who have difficulty in practicing Zen will find more meaning in it. And then he says, so I think sometimes the best horse may be the worst. and the worst horse can be the best.

[29:29]

So as I have been getting older, this particular chapter has been really encouraging to me. You know, the importance of our practice isn't in the full lotus posture, which I never really could accomplish, and it's not in the half lotus posture, and it's not in our spine being straight, and our ears being in alignment, and all of that, and our perfection of kinyin as we walk around the room, all of which is quite enjoyable to do, But the important part is the arousing of our way-seeking mind, our way-seeking heart, the bodhicitta, the thought of awakening. That's what really matters. The rest of it is sort of like something to do while you're working on your heart, while you're opening your heart. It's this Buddha mind wanting to help in any way that it can, that is washing the dishes, and weeding in the garden, and baking chocolate chips for our friends when they're sad, and so on. So that's the Buddha mind. It's a very ordinary mind. It's just a simple way that we already feel.

[30:34]

When we're not self-absorbed, we can actually begin to see what other people might be needing. And that is medicine for us. You know, that generosity helps with our stinginess or our miserliness or our withdrawal. It's like going outward, you know, giving rather than getting. You know, failing to get is so painful. Giving is rarely painful. I mean, it seems like, wow, that seems to work every time. You know, I really like wrapping presents for people and giving. It doesn't matter what's in it. It doesn't matter if they love it or not. I mean, kind of like it if they like it. But I really like the gesture. of handing someone a wrapped present. The thought of them, thinking of them, is such a sweet thing to do. So then Roshi talks about our tendency for self-criticism, bordering at times on self-hatred. I once asked a classroom at Green Gulch, how many of you like yourself?

[31:37]

I think there were about 40 people in the room. One person put up their hand. And I thought, wow, you know, wow. So I think probably a lot of us would not put up our hand. You know, that's not something I think is well baked into this culture is caring for yourself or admiring yourself or liking yourself and so on. I think kind of the opposite and has a lot to do with this the best horse. And while I wasn't the best horse. I came in second or eighth, and that didn't even show. You know, that thing of having to perform in order to feel self-respect or to admire ourselves. So Zen is kind of like doing away with that script. It's like, that's not the script that we're asked to follow. It's quite the opposite of that, you know. So in talking about self-criticism, he talks about Dogen's teaching of shōshaku jūshaku.

[32:39]

Shōshaku Jūshaku, it's a very interesting fascicle in the Shōbu Genzo, which is called, translated as, one continuous mistake. One continuous mistake, you know. Kind of feels, that feels kind of, I can kind of wear that. That seems like, hmm, that seems familiar. You know, it doesn't sound great. And yet for Dōgen, and for us, what it means is we ought not to be content or satisfied with what we have already done. What we've already done is past. And we ought not to be content or satisfied with what we're about to do because that hasn't come yet. So the only place that we can really live, the only place we can really act or be is now. And we can't evaluate that. I don't know how to think about now. I'm too busy now-ing in order to think about it. I can't step outside of the present in order to evaluate how it's going. So we kind of make our best shot, make our best guess. Well, I hope this is working.

[33:39]

I don't really know and I'll never know. Where would you stand in order to judge yourself? There's no place. There's no place outside of yourself. So that basically, as Dogen says, here is the place and here the way unfolds. know it's right here in our wholehearted effort that's that's the thing you can kind of feel that you know i'm really trying to get this lid off this jar of pickles i'm really trying you know with all my savage strength so whatever you're doing that you really know you're making an effort you know you you You got out of bed and you kind of made your bed as soon as you got up. I like to do that. That's kind of a practice I took on some time ago. Just get out of bed and make the bed. And then go about the day with some feeling of I really want to do what I'm doing with a good effort, with a wholehearted effort. Is it good? Is it bad? Was it right?

[34:39]

Was it wrong? I don't really know. I mean, I don't really know. That kind of like the proof is in the pudding. How does it taste? How did it turn out? What was the outcome of that? And now what's the outcome of the next thing that you do? We're just always kind of ahead of the process. We'll never really be able to stop and say, well, yeah, that was all really good because that's all really gone. So we're basically doing the I'm alive and I'm living and I'm engaging and that's what I can do. Here is the place, here the way unfolds. And then you have to let it go because it's already gone. Whatever you did this morning, before now, or you will do this evening, it isn't here, and this morning is all gone. So then we just face what's next. You know, what's next? You know, at five o'clock, I'm very aware of the time on Sundays. Five o'clock, I know I'm going to come on and join you. That's what's next for me.

[35:39]

And I think about that. I'm thinking about that. It's like a... it's a it's a big placeholder for my my energy and for my my my joy at sharing Dharma it's just a very important thing so there's something there but then I you know and then now it's happening it's like the whole control is gone the whole thing is no longer there's no agent of control there's just this appearance and this gesture and this wish to try to say something that might be of benefit or use or certainly choosing things that have been a benefit or use to me is the way I can do that. So for Suzuki Roshi, a wholehearted effort is so many years of Shou Shaku, Jou Shaku. So many years of single-minded effort, you know, or one continuous mistake, you know. one single vow to live for the benefit of all beings and failing, right?

[36:40]

And failing over and over again. I didn't make it. I wanted to live for the benefit of all beings and I failed. I just didn't even get close, you know, maybe eight or 10 or 15, but you know, billions, not even close. So this is why the ENSO, you know, this ENSO, if you've seen the symbol for ENSO village, It's a circle that Zen teachers draw, but they don't complete it. It's not a whole circle. It's just a gesture that stops. It kind of feathers out before it connects. There's like a gap. And the gap is, I'm sorry, I couldn't finish. I couldn't get there. I really wanted to. I wanted to live for the benefit of all beings, but I didn't make it. So now hopefully, you know, part of this precept ceremony and part of the Dharma transmission and all these other rituals that we do is passing the baton to the next generation. Well, I didn't finish, but why don't you give it a shot? Why don't all of you give it a shot?

[37:42]

As many of you as we can possibly manifest. All those bodhisattvas running around, all those newly ordained precept-taking bodhisattvas, you give it a shot. You see how you can do with your one continuous mistake. So we'll never finish the task, but we can sure give it a try. That's our assignment. At the closing of this talk, Suzuki Roshi mentions those times in our life when it is just too much. You know, whatever it is, the suffering is too much. It's too painful or it's too difficult. You know, it just piles up sometimes, right? And our mind and our body can't find a way to rest. We're restless. So he uses the example of someone's child being ill. And there's nothing you can do. And so you try pacing, you try everything, but nothing works. You're just so unhappy. So he says the best way to relieve our mental suffering is to just sit.

[38:43]

Just sit in the midst of it. Just be right there. Even when we're confused or even when our posture is bad, just sit, you know, just sit and breathe. And if we have... no experience, he says, of sitting in that kind of difficulty, with that kind of confusion and that kind of pain, then we're not really Zen students. That's kind of the tempering of our intention or our practice is when we go through things that are really hard. And we all will and we all have. And those will come again. And can we find our way to just sit quietly? He says that after many years of effort, your mind and your body have great power to accept things as they are, as they is, as he says. Things as they is. And, you know, whether they're agreeable or whether they're disagreeable, we begin to build this tensile strength.

[39:49]

And that's probably the main virtue I have seen in the students who come to Zen Center is they begin to build some tensile strength. to meet those things which are difficult. And there's plenty that's difficult when you're living with other people and trying to be the best horse, or you feel like you're the worst horse. Whichever horse you are, it's difficult. It's very difficult. But we do it. We have this wholehearted effort. That's what we're encouraged to do. So whether you're the worst horse or you're the best horse, you have good posture or bad posture, you know, this isn't the issue at all. You know, we can all practice zazen, upright sitting, wherever we are, physically and mentally, regardless of what's going on with our body or mind, we can do that. And then we can work on our problems and we can come to accept them. I mean, that's the teaching. So in the last paragraph of his talk,

[40:52]

He says that when you're sitting in the middle of your own problems, which is more real to you? Oh, no, it's a question. When you're sitting in the middle of your own problems, which is more real to you, your problem or you yourself? He then says the awareness that you are here right now is the ultimate fact. The awareness that you are here right now is the ultimate fact. This is the point you will realize by Zazen practice. In continuous practice, under a succession of agreeable and disagreeable situations, you will realize the marrow of Zen and acquire its true strength. So that's the talk for today and I very much welcome you all to offer some comments and questions or responses. question did you see both of those illustrations no which one did you you just saw one did you see the the hub with the three animals or did you see the the wheel you saw the wheel you didn't see the hub oh well I'm going to change that right now I just got a little note from Hope saying I didn't see the okay here it is here is the

[42:24]

Thank you, Hope, for pointing that out. Here we go. See it? Okay. Good, good. So that's the one I was talking about that you couldn't see. So there's the bird, the rooster, the pig, and the snake. Greed, hate, and delusion. The three toxins or the three poisons inherited. at birth that have a big impact on our life. Okay. Yeah, Marianne, please. Thank you, Fu. Thank you, Sangha. Good evening, good morning, everyone. I was very struck by that line. We love the people who are broken most, who are most broken.

[43:26]

And I guess I was thinking of the bodhisattva chant or vow that we take, right? Beings are numberless. I vow to save them. And so the work of empathy in our lives, I think that's kind of where I was going. I was like, wow, you know, there's sympathy, empathy, and compassion. But that empathy is like... wow, I can identify the brokenness. And so there we see the, I think, the connecting, the interconnectedness of everything. I can see the limitedness. I can see the brokenness. I can see the fact that the circle doesn't finish. I've been there. I've done that. And just feeling connected to that effort that we all make. Anyway, so that was just a thought that I had when you mentioned that. Thank you. Thank you. I want to put a little caution flag on the track about empathy, which I have always felt was one of the higher forms of human...

[44:38]

our human capacity was empathy and then at one point I saw this really interesting talk by a philosopher who was saying there's a problem with empathy and the problem with empathy is you can get masses of people to empathize as the politicians do with the people you think have been harmed by these people right so you can it's it's can be manipulated is the problem with it whereas compassion has perhaps maybe is less susceptible to that kind of being used in a certain way. So I just found that fascinating because I had never considered that. And then I watch how politicians, well, here's so-and-so standing up right now who was molested by a blah, blah, blah. And then everyone's going, ooh, we hate those people who do that. So it's one of the concerns is that we keep our eye on our susceptibility. to be drawn into sides.

[45:39]

And I think because we have empathy, we have a heart that will open to suffering, sometimes we can, that can be used in a certain way. So I just wanted to mention that because that had caught me off guard at one point. Right, and that's the whole business of the science of rhetoric. You know, you have the ethos, the ethical arguments, and in fact, the person who's speaking, has an ethical standing so you can believe him or her. The pathos is you get them impassioned by the very same thing you're impassioned, and logos, where any argument has a logic to it. And most of our politicians make full use of pathos. And not logos or ethos. Yes, here, here. Vote for logos and ethos. Yes, please. Thank you. Please. Thank you very much. Hi.

[46:46]

Hi, Guy. Hey, Poo. Hi, Sangha. Thank you so much for your talk. I wanted to mention the discussion you just had and the flag that you just put out there really helped clarify something because I was always interested in where empathy and compassion, what the differences essentially were. And now when you said that, it became very clear, or at least I'd like to confirm, it's almost as though empathy is more directional. where I feel as compassion is more as though it's all throughout, right, in a way. And I think when we think of empathy, it seems as though it is very targeted, right, to empathize with a moment, with a person, whereas compassion, it's almost as though it's a way of being in a way, or it is, but we cloud ourselves, right, with a delusion to not seeing that compassion is already there in a way.

[47:53]

It's kind of a subtle distinction because it's both experiences that are going through our hearts. Feelings, chapter, the second chapter of semi-beginner's mind. So we'll get to look at that more. Like, what about these feelings? What happens when they're being manipulated? Or what happens, what about compassion? How is that, how do we guard our compassion? And how do we guard ourself from being, sentimental compassion is kind of manipulated. Yeah. Combing through it. Like you said, right. Combed passion. Yeah. Combed passion. Slowly. As reactively responding. I always try to think of that. How can I respond instead of react as I try to do. You'll be at the stop sign for a little while. Yeah, exactly. I almost live at the stop sign. Sometimes when they let me go for a little bit, right?

[48:55]

Okay. I'll be on a long leash. Wait a second. Every step very cautiously. Another more practical question I wanted to ask. If we are unable to sit, would you recommend practice? Zazen laying on our backs fully or Kin Hin. I was wondering what would be, or maybe a mix of both since sitting seems to be right in the middle, right? It's almost just enough action, if we would call it. It doesn't seem like it, but when I'm sitting, it seems like everything's going on, right? But not as conducive to sleeping as laying down or as active as walking. Yeah, well, you know, there's all kinds of bodies, and many of them have limitations. Mine has developed a limitation I wasn't expecting, so I can't sit cross-legged anymore. one of my prides of place that I could sit cross-legged. It's like, well, that's done. That's over. And now Linda Ruth is also having a hip problem, so she can't sit cross-legged.

[49:58]

And we're all going like, oh, no. But that's just kind of the natural course of things. It's like the body ages and some of those joints just don't like that anymore. Enough is enough. So some of it, you have to be careful for being the good horse. You know, being the one who can sit there for hours without breaking a sweat. know, there's a kind of ego that gets caught up in that. And that's not Zen. That's just as I said something to read about that once is, you know, well, what about all these hours is sitting there doing nothing or whatever. And he said, Well, it kept you out of trouble. I thought exactly, exactly. So You're sitting as close to keeping the precepts as possible, right? It's exactly keeping the precepts. You're not killing, you're not sexualizing, you're not lying. So it is an opportunity to be kind of almost a pure spirit for a period of time, but not to get into believing that. You have to really watch yourself because then that little person comes sneaking in.

[51:01]

Oh, I think I've shared, I've confessed to you my experience of that and how i'm grateful that the universe whipped me in the face very quickly when i was sitting i think it was maybe a couple years ago or a year ago in uh with a new group in san diego i was traveling and i just sat with them and and uh we were sitting we would sit differently they they sat facing each other to the center and then i noticed that i was the only one sitting In full lotus. And then as I was sitting, I noticed that just that person that you said right there. Like, oh, wow. I can't. Maybe I'm attaining something. Oh, no. Right. And then right after, they would stand up and they would do the bows, the full prostrations. I got up. None of my legs had any feeling or control. I fell down to my butt.

[52:03]

And then not only that, it took me 15 minutes of them, everyone waiting about to bow for me to try to struggle. And I told them, please keep going. It was a full, it was so important for my experience because right there in the moment. So I'm grateful that the teachings are everywhere. And luckily they don't, they're not as subtle because I think I need the very clear ones. I think Buddha loves you, Gi. That was the proof right there. There was every time. It's very, it's very clear. I'm grateful for it. I'm grateful. It's good for you. Good to see you smiling. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, yes. Yes. Yeah. Very joy. So I was appreciating what you said about the importance of compassion and linking it with empathy. And. I would say my own experience is that, you know, compassion, empathy just comes.

[53:07]

Boom. You see the sick child. You see the guy who fell down. You know, boom. You just it comes. Compassion is the practice of opening it up. And with that practice, sometimes the empathy. For those, it's hard to feel empathetic toward. Right. It'll just come. And a practice you gave us for that. is I think you were talking about a class you were in with Reb in which somebody stood up and said, I hate my mother. Yes. And he said, okay, does anyone else hate her mother? Guess what? We will hold her with compassion for you. You don't have to do that. And I've learned to ask, to go to someone else and say, you know, I can't really hold so-and-so with compassion right now. Can you do that for me? Yes, sweet. And it helps me to come... So that I can, you know, I'm asking for help because that's important. And, and the compassion will come. I know it'll come back, but admit I don't have it right now.

[54:09]

Can you do that for me? Yeah. Well, you have it to ask that, right? That's compassion. I need help with compassion and that's compassion. So, right. Cause you want to be able to, my therapist used to say, some people need a little extra grace. Yeah. He was a Christian. And I said, I know what you mean. And that's something that we cultivate. How to be able to hold that and also to ask for help. I think that's a lovely thing to do. Please help me. It's also acknowledging your limits to yourself and to others. What you think is the vulnerability. That brings people to see what's broken for you. It might really help them to appreciate you. And then they can also see that you would like this to grow that. capacity. So that's a really good example. Thanks for that idea. I think that's great. Close on. Hello.

[55:12]

Thank you, Fu-sensei. I just wanted to pop on just to say that, just to say thank you. This talk really kind of... hit me in my special tender place of wanting to be the best horse. And you are. That's the burden. And yeah, this one was really powerful for me. So thank you so much. You're so welcome. Have you moved now? I have. I'm going to ask for a dokusan in a minute because I finally unpacked enough that I can breathe. I saw the boxes back there, and I thought, oh, it's just like my house. Yes, I'm in the opposite direction. Yeah, I just moved down to Oakland, so I've been going to Green Gulch, and I hope to see you there before you leave for Enso Village. But certainly on the 24th, I will be there. Wonderful. Well, let's make a plan. You know how to do that.

[56:17]

Okay. Thank you. Hello. Hello, Hope. Hello, Fu. Hello, Sangha. Thank you very much for the Dharma today. Like Kosan, it touched my heart very deeply. I just wanted to ask how you're doing with the move and maybe the grief. Yeah. Yeah, it kind of brings me in touch with... humanity, doesn't it? All the moving going on and all the loss and all the longing, you know, sort of in that swirl of all those things, those feelings that come when we're leaving one place. And, you know, there's a teaching I really appreciate, mostly the Tibetans emphasize this teaching of the bardo, which is a Tibetan, and also it's a classic Buddhist teaching, but the Tibetans have really articulated it. in a lovely way.

[57:18]

There's a Tibetan Book of the Dead that talks about the bardo. And the bardo is the in-between realm. So I'm leaving my incarnation as a resident of Zen Center and Green Gloss Farm, and I'm in the bardo on my way to another incarnation that I can't even imagine. I haven't incarnated in Enso Village. So I'm kind of in this wobbly sense of like, I've been telling people I feel a bit like a ghost. You know, I go to Green Gulch and I see these people I don't know, and they're wearing farm clothes and they're going to the Zendo and all of a sudden, gee, there was a time I would have known every person who came into the valley. And now I'm just like in a room of what we call strangers, even though I love that they're sitting Zazen and I recognize the space and all and the activity. But I'm not connected. It's not my field anymore. It's not the field of my practice. So it's exciting to be reincarnating, I think. I think I'm going to reincarnate.

[58:20]

And there is that kind of grieving or sense of loss. I notice myself looking around at things with much more tender eyes. I'm not going to see that magnolia tree again next spring, probably, in my yard. and my yard won't be my yard for that too. So all of those those letting goes are very sweet and very tender. And a kind of a good test and test myself. But it's kind of good information for me that I'm okay. This is not I'm not like, Oh my god, you know, there was a time I would have been like holding on to the railing. Like no, don't take me. But I don't feel that I feel quite turning toward the next, what's next, and thinking about how to continue doing what I love, which is Dharma, you know, Buddhadharma Sangha, and how to make sure I don't lose that. I mean, when that's gone, it's okay, I'll just float off.

[59:22]

I'll just, bye-bye. The big bardo. So, but for now, I really feel like I'm still happy to be on the earth and continuing to, you know, do what we love. Thanks for asking, Hope. Key. A once returner. I had to come back and ask this because of the conversation. How do we love without attaching, without attachment? That's a wonderful question. That's the core question. Right. And sometimes I'll say to people, well, just try to attach to something. Just try. With all your heart, don't let it go.

[60:25]

Even if it screams, don't let it go. The fact is, we can't. I think it's a realization that there's no attachment. I don't have any pockets. I just have no way to carry things I think of as possessions or my stuff. I can't carry it around. The best I can do is appreciate that I have this body, and so far it's functioning pretty well. You know, that's kind of it. And I can't attach to it either because I've been told it's also not going to hang around forever. So part of it is just recognizing the flow, the flow of experience. You can try to grab the shore, you know, get a hold of the bank. Get a lot of water in your mouth. A lot of water coming down that river. And better learn to swim. Thank you, Poop.

[61:27]

And love swimming. Yes. Yes. All right, dear ones. how about um everyone can go on your um unmute and welcome to unmute and say good night or good morning as the case may be and look around the room at all the faces names and how lovely it went welcome cynthia for all of you don't recognize cynthia down there in the red jacket she's a newbie wonderful welcome many years she was the head of our Community Age Program, and a wonderful, wonderful 10 years she took care of those teenagers at Green Gloves. So thank you, Cynthia, for joining us today. Really appreciate seeing you. Thank you for inviting me. You're so welcome. You're so welcome. Thank you, Sanga. Thank you for yourself. Thank you. Thank you, Sanga. Good morning. Good night to everyone. Good night. See you all soon. Good night.

[62:29]

Thank you. Take good care. Thank you so much. Thank you. Yes. Enjoy. Safe travels. Yes. Thank you. Thank you. See you soon. See you soon. Practice. Bye, everyone. Bye. Bye. Bye.

[62:49]

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