This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. This day, which is on the cusp of autumn, a few more days until the fall equinox, the time of the waning moon. All these things affect us. All these things are us. The harvest time. I think has prompted the local local group calling themselves the Eco Sattvas. I think there's Bodhisattva.

[01:02]

Awakening beings, particularly concerned with the environment and ecology, paying attention to that has prompted them to call this September Food Awareness Month. So it's good to pay attention to where your nourishment comes from. So food is... I think specifically we're thinking about recognizing, you know, where does this lunch come from? We used to have a translation of a meal chant that began, innumerable labors brought us this food. Before that we had a version that said 72 labors brought us this food. So actually it said 72 labors brought us this rice.

[02:04]

So it was coming from a rice culture. It was very clear that there were 72 steps from, I don't know where they started, though. But maybe the last one was putting it in the bowl, right? Serving it in the bowl right in front of the monk receiving it, right? So working back from that to the earth itself, to the bare earth. But then, of course, it's a cycle. Where did the seeds come from? Where did the first rice come from? Dogen. Zen master Dogen said that the entire earth is the true human body. The entire earth is the gate of liberation.

[03:05]

The entire earth is the great body, the Dharma reality body of each being. I don't know if that means so much to say that. But I want to remind everyone here that who you think you are is not who you are. Who you think you are is maybe a little piece, a little small portion of who you are. So to say that the entire earth is the true human body is to point to your vast body, that you cannot be sitting here in this room in isolation. You cannot be sitting here in this room as a separate distinct being in a vacuum. That you are actually an inconceivable body.

[04:12]

So, I don't know if that's helpful to feel. I'm inconceivable. But it's good to remember. from time to time that I am not who I think I am. Sometimes that's very humbling. To realize, okay, I cannot control, I cannot actually create what I want to create. I cannot control the future. This life and its coming and going is not something that I am actually able to determine. This is something that is supported by the totality of things, the entire universe. So there's a story from China where a monk named Jiang Yuan said,

[05:29]

was accompanying his teacher, Dao Wu, on a condolence call. They were going to perform a funeral for someone. And Yuan went up and knocked on the coffin and asked his teacher, living or dead? And Dao Wu, his teacher, said, I won't say living. I won't say, dead. And Yuan was not so happy with that answer. He said, why won't you say? And Dao said, I won't say. I won't say. So after they did the funeral service and they're going back to their own temple, Yuan, stepped in front of his teacher and stopped him and said, living or dead?

[06:35]

Tell me now or I'll hit you. And his teacher, Dao Wu, said, I won't say. I won't say. So he hit him. When they got back to their temple, Dao Wu said, I think if the other monks find out about this hitting the teacher business, they'll make it pretty difficult for you. So you should probably leave. And he left. And the only answer he had was, I won't say. So what is this question? Living. Are you living now? When a body is in the coffin, is it living?

[07:36]

Is it dead? What does it say about inconceivable being? Later on, Dawood died, and then Yvonne went and met with his successor, another Dharma brother, and asked him about the same question. What would you say? Living. Or dead. And the new teacher said, I won't say. I won't say. And this time, Yuan was satisfied. This time, he realized something that he'd been carrying all this time was resolved. So this is a very interesting question for us. What is this life? How do we fully appreciate it?

[08:39]

Is it possible to, moment by moment, realize that it is something that's changing and transient at the same time is not changing and not transient? When Zen Master Dogen comments on the phrase, the entire earth is a true human body, he said, this is not a temporary body. Not a temporary body. So it's a fundamental teaching of Buddhism that everything changes. That everything that comes into existence by various conditions and causes has no essential substance that continues, that is eternal, nothing that is substantial.

[09:42]

And so to understand this is to realize that what we usually think of as real is, let's say maybe we just say it's only apparent, that only is real in that we form these constructions in our own mind. So to see what is real is to see something beyond or within or more, say, refined than things. But we're always coming up against this. Recently I've enjoyed... Some of you, I know, may have heard me use this poem again. I've been using it several times here. Recently, this is a poem from the writing of Jane Hirshfield. And it's called Against Certainty.

[10:50]

I'm going to read it real slow. this time. There is something out in the dark that wants to correct us. Each time I think this, it answers that. Answers hard in the heart grammars strictness if I then say that it too is taken away between certainty and the real and ancient enmity when the cat

[11:58]

waits in the path hedge. No cell of her body is not waiting. That is how she is able so completely to disappear. I would like to enter the silence portion as she does. to live amid the great vanishing as a cat must live. One shadow fully at ease inside another. So this is wonderful. To me, wonderful statement. The challenge is anything you might believe.

[13:10]

Anything you'd like to be sure of. Certainty itself. she says, there is something out in the dark that wants to correct us. Isn't that wonderful? So helpful. Something in the dark that actually wants us to be true, right? Wants us to be in alignment. This is the request of reality itself. So it's difficult, though, if you have some idea of your own that you would prefer, some idea that you would prefer rather than what's out there in the dark, in the bigger reality. She says this answer is hard.

[14:22]

She says answers hard. and the heart grammar's strictness. Yeah, we're getting messages from all over. That one was a pleasant sound. What's so hard about that? If I thought it shouldn't be here, if I thought that sound shouldn't be happening, then that could be hard. And it's true, that shouldn't be happening. People should be turning off their devices.

[15:24]

like we're all in this plane together and we're taking off and now we have these other signals that are interfering. So what does she mean? She says, the answer is hard and the heart grammar is strictness. I think this is a compound word that she made up, heart grammar. Grammar, I thought, I first thought, I talked about this, grammar is kind of rules of Someone, another poet said to me, well, it's more than that. It's more like the whole culture. And there's some clarity in the way things are structured so that we can actually communicate. But she says it's the heart. It's the heart. as if this is whatever is in the dark, his heart, his compassion, his kindness, his love.

[16:41]

That the darkness that's around us is actually loving in the widest sense, in the most complete sense. Wanting this one to be in alignment. Wanting this one to be true. Wanting this one to be free. Of certainty. Not encumbered by certainty. Not encumbered by some particular idea. And by idea I mean something that's held not just in the mind but is held... in one's habit patterns, in one's, let's say, karmic formations. Something that you act on in some way in which you may respond, not thinking that, oh, this is something I believe, but actually it's what you do.

[17:49]

It may just be getting tense. something happens that's unexpected and it may just get tense because it's unexpected. Because somehow this one has not included the unexpected already. So having not included the vast potentialities, then it may be that one gets anxious Or one resists the new information. Oh, I don't want to hear that or I don't want to see that. So this is big, a big generous idea here that the poet is saying is the heart grammars strictness. That strictness is actually kindness. That the strictness in it is actually nourishing and supporting.

[18:55]

Then this phrase, between certainty and the real, an ancient enmity. An ancient. Maybe before, before human beings began even talking about it. Some opposition, right? Enmity, just some opposition between. Or it could be a, say, just a, a dynamic interplay, a dynamic interplay between certainty and the real. So here she uses real in the sense that goes beyond what's apparent, beyond what one can conceive. She uses real here as inconceivably real. And then she brings in a cat. That's quite wonderful.

[20:05]

It's maybe helpful to have a cat in the poem. Someone who can teach us. So she says the cat. She's inspired by the cat. The cat is right there by the hedge waiting. And it's very clear in observing the cat that the cat is completely there. The cat doesn't have some other idea about being some other place. She says, no cell of her body is not, she said, waiting. But I think waiting is not waiting for something. I think it's just waiting endlessly. Something may come along. Maybe just like sitting. We say sitting zazen is not for any particular purpose, actually, except to be fully present.

[21:11]

Of course, people come and sit zazen hoping for something, hoping to have a better life. And you will have a better life. in the sense of the heart grammar strictness. A life that is inclusive of the darkness, the unknown, the not knowing. So to be willing to sit sazen, like the cat waiting in the hedge, is not waiting for something. Not even waiting for enlightenment. Suzuki Roshi once said, you think you want enlightenment, but you might not like it. So it's better to come to terms with what is, right?

[22:16]

This moment, this breath, to notice what is, to be willing to be fully aware of what is. And that means to notice all the ways in which one is not quite willing to be there. Not quite willing to be here. The ways in which one might slightly prefer something else to be happening right now. Even a little bit. A little bit of wiggling comes into this sitting then. So it's wonderful to have a cat teacher. A cat is teaching. Being present. Her whole body, not a cell of her body, is not right there. And then Jane, the poet, says, so that is a way that she completely disappears.

[23:21]

The cat's no longer the cat. The cat has blended completely into The cat has become completely one with the environment, with surroundings. She disappears. I wonder, is that okay? To disappear like that? then Jane says I would like that I would like to enter that silent portion she says silent portion enter that dark disappearing inconceivable life I would like to enter that inconceivable life as the cat does this is my interpretation of course inconceivable life of cat

[24:32]

So in a way, that statement might be heard as a wish. I would like that, but it may be more completely understood as vow, as a vow. I will enter. I will enter the silence. I will be willing. I am willing. I am willing to include the uncertainty. I am willing to include the dark. Unknown. And see what happens. I'm willing to not know what's going to happen. This takes a tremendous confidence. A kind of confidence in something. Something inconceivable. Something that can't be grasped. because it's letting go of what can be grasped so for the poet to say I would like to enter this silence this is like Yuan asking the question living or dead and not hitting the teacher hearing the teacher say I won't say

[26:04]

This is for you to actually be discovering. You have to realize it yourself. The teacher can't say, living or dead. Your one actually has to come into his own body with the fierce question, whatever that feels like in his own body, that that is something that he, in this case, has to realize for himself. He's not going to get it from the teacher. So the teacher knowing this is very careful, actually. Very compassionate. Saying, I won't say. You can't even beat it out of me. Because I'm not holding on to it. So this vow to be willing to be fully entering this silence, this dark unknown, which is always wanting to set us on the right path if we listen, this is right at the heart of this practice that we're doing.

[27:31]

And then the poet says, To live amid the great vanishing. To live amid the great vanishing. Great vanishing. For you to live amid the great vanishing is not holding on to yourself. Not holding on to anything. That includes not holding on to opposition to yourself. not holding on to self. Like one shadow fully at ease in another. So this is fully at ease. So here the two come together. Shadow at ease. The shadow of you, your particular life. We can say it's shadow because it actually isn't something quite graspable, even in its particularity.

[28:40]

at ease inside the total entire universe. There's a short poem of Robert Akins who was composing these little verses to remind himself to come home to the present moment So one of his verses is, when I hear the crickets, hearing the crickets at night, I vow with all beings to find my place in the harmony. Crickets in joy with the stars. So when I hear the crickets at night, I vow with all beings to find my own place in the harmony crickets enjoy with the stars.

[29:49]

Similar idea. Cats, crickets. What have they got on us? see how many more stories to tell what time it is so in honor of the eco sattvas and practicing in the garden I'll tell one of my own enlightenment stories of being down in the field here I was So many of you, some of you, maybe only a few have heard this story. But I was planting beans.

[30:54]

I was planting beans mindfully. I had set it all up. I had tilled the soil. I had created a furrow. We were experimenting. This was in probably 1973 or something. We didn't know how poorly beans would do here. But we were experimenting, and I was planting very carefully, very mindfully. I was planting a bean. I was down on my knees. This was probably excessively obsessive. Down on my knees, crawling along, planting and putting a bean seed in every six inches. And out of the corner of my eye, I see some people approaching, coming down this road that goes down into the field.

[32:04]

And I had the thought. There's some people I know, I'm just trying to plant bean seeds. I'm trying to concentrate. And here they are. I know they're gonna come and they're gonna come down and they're gonna ask some stupid question. I could feel them getting closer and I'm trying to concentrate, just planting the next bean seed and they're getting closer and I'm getting more agitated knowing that they're getting closer and closer. And sure enough, pretty soon they stop, kind of at the end of the row where I'm working my way closer toward the road, and they say, what are you doing? And I almost yelled, you know, can't you see I'm planting beans?

[33:09]

But I didn't. I restrained myself. I said, planting beans. And he said, oh, do beans do well here? And I said, I don't know. This is the first time I've planted beans here. He said, oh, like there were three people. And then one of them says, which way to the beach? I thought, come on. Just walk downhill. Anyway, I was, as you could tell, I was a pretty impatient, angry person planting beans.

[34:14]

And they said, oh, okay. And they just walked off toward the beach. I pointed, I was that way, just go down the road. And then I realized how much tension was in my body, trying to plant beans, and I was just all worked up here. And then I realized that this is just the way it is. If I put it back into this poem of James, it's like there is something out in the dark that wants to correct us. In this case, the dark was just whatsoever beyond the area that I think I'm controlling. I thought I was in control of this little piece of things, and here's something coming from beyond that. And then I began to realize that these people were actually great awakening beings.

[35:26]

That they had always been there somewhere. They had always been there. And sooner or later, they're bound to show up within my own little circle. And that I was not just my own little circle, but I was also the the surrounds, that they were already included. And it was only my idea of what was going on that was limiting that made me feel so interrupted. So I thought that I could make a vow to not be interrupted. That is to receive whatever happens, whatever arises. As an old friend. An old friend that just now is showing up again.

[36:29]

So I continue to work with this actually. For almost 40 years. Suzuki Roshi put it like he said, it's our practice to welcome difficulty. To actually welcome difficulty. To welcome what shows up that's contrary to what I think it should be. And herein is our practice. That's how we get to know who we truly are. How we get to know our own vast, inconceivable body. someone asked, what are you going to sing today? So I thought, well, how about Wonderful World?

[37:35]

Louis Armstrong will help us. And some of you know it and others can hum along and I'll try to pitch it in a pitch that I can sing it. I see trees of green, red roses too. Flowers bloom for me and for you. And I say to myself, what a wonderful world. I see sky of blue and clouds of white. A bright blessed day and the dark sacred night. And I say to myself, what a wonderful world.

[38:38]

The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky. are also in the faces of the people going by. I see friends shaking hands, saying, how do you do? They're really saying, I love you. I hear babies cry. I watch them grow. They'll learn much more than I'll ever know. And I say, to myself, what a wonderful world. Yes, I say to myself, what a wonderful world. Oh, yeah. Well, actually, you should all join me. We'll do that one more time. So you can all join on. Oh, yeah.

[39:40]

Thank you. For more information, visit sfzc.org and click Giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

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