This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. I'm sorry, my friends. It seems there's been a misunderstanding today. I thought that my friend Mo's here was scheduled to give the Dharma talk. but I think the cat's got his tongue. I don't think I should do it. I think you should do it. You think we should count breaths or do you think we should read a story? You thought I should ask the kids whether we should read a story or count our breaths.

[01:01]

How about we count three breaths? Okay, but let's start with an out-breath. You ready? Is that two or so? One more? Thank you for breathing with me. Thanks for coming today. I am sorry about the confusion, but I guess me and Mos here can work with it. Maybe we'll read a story together. That sound okay? Thank you everybody, by the way, for coming today. So this is one of Mo's favorite books.

[02:17]

It's called I Love My New Toy. Are you familiar with Gerald and Piggy? No? Yeah? So Gerald is an elephant and Piggy is... Piggy is a pig and... So Piggy's an elephant. No, no, no. Gerald is the elephant and Piggy is the pig. And this is a story about Piggy getting a new toy that Piggy loves. And since you counted your breath with me, I will read a story with you. I love my new toy. Have you ever had a new toy and just love it? So here comes... Gerald, the elephant, saying, hi, Piggy, what are you doing? And Piggy seems to be doing something.

[03:21]

And then Piggy leaps up and says, look at my new toy. I love my new toy. Piggy is so excited. Gerald says, what does it do? What does it do? And Piggy says, I have no idea. No idea. So Gerald gets to thinking, the elephant, and he says, maybe it is a throwing toy. I love throwing toys. So Piggy, always very generous, hands the toy to Gerald and says, here, try it. Gerald takes the toy. Gerald says, yes. I think Gerald's going to throw it.

[04:23]

Whoop. Zip. Gerald throws it high, high, high. It's up there. And they both look up. See what's happening. Nice throw. Still up there. It was quite a throw. Gerald says, thanks. You're watching. Ready? Here it comes. It's coming back down. Break. It comes down and it smashes onto the ground and breaks. This part is hard for most. So Piggy and Gerald, you can see, those of you who can see, are quite surprised at this mishap. They're looking down at the two halves of the broken toy, quite sad.

[05:27]

And Gerald says, I broke your toy. And Piggy says, you broke my toy. And then Piggy starts getting some energy. My new toy. I am mad. And sad. I am mad and sad, says Piggy. Piggy is so mad and so sad that Piggy's toy got broken. So then Piggy says, which is hard to spell, but they did a really good job spelling that. So Gerald says, I am sorry. They're really good friends. Gerald is just so sorry. I am sorry. Piggy says, oh, you are sorry? As though that's going to do it.

[06:32]

Has that ever happened? Someone says, I'm sorry. And it's really nice that they said I'm sorry, but that's not quite going to do it. My toy is still broken. So then Gerald says, I'm very sorry. And then Piggy says, I do not care. My new toy is broken. Oh, Piggy is mad. Have you ever been as mad as Piggy? And you broke it. And then they both... Piggy because Piggy is mad and sad. And Gerald because Gerald is sorry and sad and probably kind of mad too. And so far it is just not a good day.

[07:33]

And then here's coming off a little bit on the side here, their friend the squirrel comes and looks at the broken toy on the ground and says, cool. And the squirrel says, you have a break and snap toy. Do you see the little squirrel? And so the squirrel grabs the two parts of the toy and snaps them back together. Snap! And then hands it back to Biggie and says, that is a fun toy. Enjoy. So the squirrel walks off, leaving Piggy with the toy put back together and Gerald looking puzzled. So then Piggy tries out the toy. Break. Snap. Break. Snap. It's a break and snap toy.

[08:36]

It's supposed to come apart and put back together. Oh, so mad. Why? Break. Snap. Break. Snap. Now Piggy's starting to get a little shy, like, oh, I made kind of a big fuss and maybe a little bit embarrassed, exactly. A little bit red in the face, like, hmm. So then Piggy says, do you want to play with my new toy? And Gerald says, no. Piggy says, you do not want to play with my new toy. And Gerald says, I do not want to play with your new toy. I want to play with you. Friends are more fun than toys. And so they toss away the toy and they run off to play together.

[09:39]

Oh, yeah, the last page does have a fidget, right? So that's I Love My New Toy. Was there a part of that story that you liked? I really liked the part where the toy broke and they got all mad because they thought that the toy was broken, but then the squirrel came and said, wait, you're not seeing the whole picture here. It's a snap and break toy. It's supposed to come apart. Has that ever happened to you that you maybe get really upset about something without really having the whole picture? And sometimes you have the whole picture, and it changes everything. So I thought, when I get mad about a situation, just like Gerald and Piggy got mad about the situation, I sometimes try to ask, am I missing something? Am I seeing the whole picture?

[10:41]

I wonder if I'm missing something. So right when I get mad, I try sometimes to stop and maybe count my breath, like maybe one breath or two breaths or three breaths, and then say, am I missing something? Am I sure? Am I sure? And sometimes when we wonder in that way, when we say, do I have the whole picture, that changes the whole situation. Will you try that with me for a minute and then I'll let the kids all go? So I thought we could all just get really mad for a minute. Would that be okay? Kind of like Gerald and Peggy, remember? And then we'll stop and we'll do three breaths, okay? Just like we did three breaths. And then we'll ask, we'll say, hmm, am I missing something? Am I seeing the whole picture? Okay, should we do that?

[11:43]

And then the kids can go into the beautiful mist. Okay, ready? You ready to be mad? Suki, will you hit the bell after a little bit of madness? Okay. I'm mad, I'm sad, I'm mad. Okay. Three breaths, can we do three breaths? Three breaths. Oh, I'm sorry. And now can we ask, am I missing something? So next time you get mad, do you want to try that? Take three breaths and then ask if you're missing something.

[12:45]

Sweetie, I'm so sorry about the scaring of that. mad and sad. What am I missing? Thank you very much for coming this morning. This would be nice. Oh, yeah. Thank you. So do the kids want to go out into the beautiful mist? Yeah? I don't mind, there's no way to go wrong.

[14:22]

They don't understand us yet. Welcome to move forward to the seat. Good morning.

[16:00]

Thank you all for coming. Maybe one more story, and then we'll all head into the mist together. Let's see how much damage I do this time. So my name is Jiryu. I live here at Green Gulch. And I do really appreciate you all coming to join our Sunday program. to enjoy with us the exuberance of this first Sunday of the month, the kids program.

[17:09]

It's really the same Dharma all the way through. I want to acknowledge that today is a big day. I really appreciate Phu and Reb and other seniors for being here today on a big day for San Francisco Zen Center in a few hours. At the city center in San Francisco, we'll be observing a ceremony of the installation of a new abbot, David Zimmerman. And so many of us will be leaving shortly after the talk to support that ceremony, a big change for our three-temple sangha here. So today I wanted to just offer a few words about a teaching that I've become intrigued by and curious about, a Buddhist teaching that I find myself rather surprised to be intrigued by or to find that it still has some juice left.

[18:27]

As someone who's been a Buddhist for some time, it's funny to come around back to these teachings and say, wow, that one... is still true. So the teaching in my mind is the teaching of the Four Noble Truths. The Four Noble Truths. Suffering and the end of suffering. The cause of suffering. And the path to the end of suffering. I've been revisiting this teaching and thought, wow. This would really help. So I want to talk about these four noble truths or these four practices, these four excellent practices that the Buddha taught long ago and that still have something, I think, for each of us.

[19:31]

So I came back around to this teaching recently in noticing that I had been operating on a certain kind of story about some dimension of my suffering. This was, in particular, some suffering involving some other people, some misunderstandings or difficulties with other people, maybe a familiar mode of suffering. I feel I may be not alone in this suffering involving other people. So I was in this difficulty, you know, and reacting as we mostly do, as I mostly do, in some suffering and reacting and going along in that way. And then, you know, through the grace of this practice, of this discipline of returning again and again to the seat, to silence and stillness, to meditation, I was able to settle with the suffering that I was feeling and just for a moment stop reacting to it and actually settle with the feeling and the totality of the sense of suffering.

[20:58]

to bring the suffering into the stillness and silence and to meet it, to just sit with it for a little while. I feel that I found for a little bit this posture that Thich Nhat Hanh quite beautifully and tenderly, as always, expresses with respect to our own suffering, the attitude, my dear suffering, I know you are there, I am here for you and I will take care of you. Instead of this, I often am reacting to my suffering without actually having connected with it. Thich Nhat Hanh expresses his practice quite beautifully, inviting us to stop running from our pain. Sounds new, right? What if we stopped running from our pain? With all our courage and tenderness, we recognize, acknowledge and identify it.

[22:03]

So as I settled down with the suffering, I noticed... Suffering is not about what I think it's about. I've been reacting to... say, a superficial idea about the cause of this suffering that I'm currently undergoing. I noticed that I had made a diagnosis of my suffering. So that's in the Four Noble Truths. The Buddha notices suffering and then makes a diagnosis about the suffering. And I noticed, wait, I'm suffering, and I have a diagnosis about the suffering. And it's an extremely superficial idea. diagnosis of the suffering. You know, like the Buddha, noticing suffering and then finding, identifying the cause.

[23:07]

No, I am suffering. These other people are the cause of my suffering. The suffering can end and there is a path to the end of suffering, which involves somehow removing other people. That I have I have in my heart, in my mind, when I'm suffering, I have a diagnosis. And I'm actually acting. I noticed in being intimate with the suffering that the way I'm acting seems to be based on a diagnosis that doesn't really sound like the Buddha's diagnosis of suffering. So then, of course, the things I'm doing to try to care for the suffering are feeling kind of incomplete, you know? Maybe a little bit helpful, but... partial, not totally working. So I've come to see and appreciate and study in my own life the way that I am constantly diagnosing a cause of my dis-ease or discomfort or suffering and then seeking to relieve my suffering

[24:27]

by remedying, by pursuing a remedy related to the diagnosis. Rev recently shared with me and some others a story about his granddaughter, which I really appreciated and reminded me about of a childhood memory of my own, which was that I noticed some suffering and some dis-ease and restlessness. And so like the Buddha, I diagnosed the cause of this suffering. What is the cause of this suffering? And that's really the question I want to put into the room today that's been in my heart. What is the cause of this suffering? So I was... child and I had some suffering and I thought, what is the cause of suffering?

[25:31]

And upon reflection, I realized that the cause of suffering was that I did not have a Nintendo. It was extremely clear to me that if I had a Nintendo, then I would no longer be suffering. And I was able to express that quite confidently to the people who I thought may be able to help me with this, pursue this path, you know, of the relief of suffering. The permanent, you know, permanent and total uprooting of suffering that the Nintendo would provide. So I am suffering. I'm suffering because I'm bored and I'm bored because I don't have a Nintendo. If I had a Nintendo, I would not be bored and would not suffer. You know, therefore, I shall pursue the path achieving a Nintendo this is like the Four Noble Truths as taught by an immature being which is myself I wonder you know how much I've grown up because I think that that same superficial kind of diagnosis still seems to be running in my mind and seems to be expressing itself in my actions

[26:53]

For example, I'm suffering. I'm suffering because I have to give the Dharma talk. If I find someone else to give the Dharma talk, I won't suffer. So I will work hard to find someone else to give the Dharma talk. It's fine, you know. Maybe it's good for someone else to give the Dharma talk for all of our sake, for that poor kid. But it's a partial, you know? It's a partial. So I'm putting a lot of energy into this solution. And it's not an incorrect solution necessarily, but it's partial. It's incomplete. It somehow doesn't get there, you know? It doesn't really get there. So another one, as I said, I don't feel good. They made me not feel good. If I get them out of my life, I will feel good. I will follow one of various paths to get them out of my life. or I don't feel good. This limitation or restriction, a number of us here today are involved in a practice period, which is to say a period of restriction.

[28:06]

I hope that's clearly advertised. The promotion for a practice period is a period of restriction, a period in which to encounter limitation and find ourself basically trying to relieve our suffering from by manipulating the limitation. So I don't feel good. This limitation or this restriction is why I don't feel good. Some burden or limit. But if I destroy that restriction, if I get free of that limitation, then I will feel good. So I follow one of various paths to destroy the limitation. So to practice these four noble truths, these four noble practices, is to notice, I'm finding lately, to try to first become aware of what is the story I'm telling myself about what this suffering is and how I'm going to solve it, to make that conscious, to shine light of practice of stillness and silence on that process.

[29:21]

What do I think is causing my suffering? And is how I'm acting based on a cause that's maybe not complete? I'm prescribing something with a not totally accurate diagnosis. So what is the cause of my suffering? What is the cause of your suffering? What is the cause of our suffering? I remember many years ago, Norman Fisher, in a practice period, offering me this question and encouraging me to chew on it like a koan, you know, to carry it with me all day. What is the cause of this suffering? What is the cause of this suffering? Helps us settle down, being present with keeping that question close. So settle down through the layers of superficial cause. So first, of course, we need to connect with our suffering.

[30:34]

We need to notice that we're suffering. And sometimes that alone is quite transformative. Oh. It's not that everyone's awful. It's that I'm suffering. There's often some turning just in noticing, acknowledging, and being willing to be present with our suffering. So before we rush off identifying the cause, it's good to spend a little time with the patient. What is this ailment? What is this affliction? And I remember that actually Norman also gave me this question, offered this question to me before inviting me into the cause of suffering. He first asked me to notice my suffering. He was sort of strict about it, as then people can sometimes be. No, no, no. Every moment, what is your suffering? Even when you think you're happy. What is your suffering?

[31:39]

Why would I do this? Why would I look for that? I'm fine. And yet, you know, it's not about indulging. It's not about wallowing. It's not about, you know, painting everything gray. But it's about noticing our own unsettledness and disease so that we can care for it. instead of continuing to just react based on it. I'm not suffering, but I'm crashing around, trying to manipulate people. So to take that time to say, what is this suffering? Is this suffering? To embrace our fear, hatred, anguish, anger. And this, maybe surprisingly, is what our sitting practice can support. So many of us come to Zen practice, to meditation for the bliss.

[32:39]

We'll sit and then our suffering will go away and we'll be able to just join the blissful dancing Buddhas and Bodhisattvas. And how wonderful when we taste that in meditation. But I think, you know, if you did a survey, you might find that for many of us, a lot of the time, our sitting practice is about settling into our suffering. We wonder why it's not a more popular practice. Can't you frame this? Can't you frame this in some other way? And we can, of course. But this aspect of our practice that we sit just to become intimate with our suffering, sitting, we allow ourselves that space to have that tenderness towards our suffering, to say, I know you're there suffering.

[33:41]

I'm here for you. I can be with this anger and anguish and hatred and let that just fully open to it. I thought briefly... We could try that together. Now, just a simple inquiry to give an example of what this process I'm describing of practicing what the Four Noble Truths might look like for you in your own life today. So as we sit here together, noticing the sensations in our body, being still, noticing the movement of the breath, we can call to mind, just simply note, some knot, some small or large suffering.

[34:53]

It may be close at hand today, or you may have to dig a little. Where is the dis-ease right now? What is a not? To be with the feeling of that, my dear suffering, I'm here for you. And so with this problem or pain or not in our heart and mind, to just inquire from my ordinary way, like before taking this time to be intimate today with this pain and suffering, from my ordinary upset and confused posture, what do I think this suffering is about? What do I think is causing it? when I'm running around upset and confused by this, what do I think is the cause of this suffering?

[36:02]

And how am I acting on that? For example, maybe, oh, it's someone else's fault. When we're confused, what's our story about the cause of this suffering? taking the opportunity here of this stillness and silence together settling with becoming more intimate with this feeling inquiring more deeply in the stillness and silence what is revealed about a deeper cause of this suffering what's really going on here? We might see some room for ourselves to take some responsibility.

[37:22]

And then finally, can we reflect on the Buddha's teaching that at the root of suffering is our collective store of greed and hate and delusion. The Buddha's teaching that the cause of this very suffering that you've identified at its root is some deep mix-up about who I am and what the world is. At the root of this suffering is some deeply off-center posture with respect to the world. Some holding, some holding to something that doesn't need holding, that maybe can't actually be held. So what might the Buddha's teaching show about this knot that I'm carrying today? Thank you for inquiring with me. This morning, I've been doing this practice and appreciating that I have a reactive, superficial story about my suffering.

[38:39]

I can bring that into silence and stillness and find something deeper, take some responsibility usually for me. And then still further, I can ask, could it be deep grasping underneath this? Could it be that I'm holding to something? Could greed, hate, and delusion in my own heart and mind be involved in this suffering? So, you know, as we go through these causes, as we study our own suffering, I want to be really clear about a couple of points. One is that all of the causes of suffering are included in the Buddha's teaching in the Buddhist path, we address suffering on all of its layers. There's some, you sometimes hear from sort of the extremist wings of the Buddha Dharma, some kind of idea that there's nothing needs to be done.

[39:55]

Buddhists don't need to do anything except for enlightenment. This is a way of kind of saying, well, this causes, say, if it's an interpersonal, if there's some interpersonal rift, say, we can notice in the stillness and silence that there's more there, that there's a deep holding. We can take responsibility. We can listen to the Buddhist teaching about the ancient greed, hate, and delusion underneath that. And we can also... take care of the situation. We can address all of the layers. It's not that having this root teaching that the Buddha offers about where our suffering comes from, that doesn't just kind of wash away the need to take care of all the other layers. Does that make sense? This is kind of a painful misunderstanding to totally dismiss our engagement with one another.

[41:00]

social engagement, interpersonal engagement, psychological engagement. Forget all that. Just get enlightened and then everything will overturn it at the root and everything will be great. We should overturn it at the root and we can work on that while we take care of each of these layers that we encounter. So I'm understanding Buddhist training, Zen training, as taking the opportunity of our suffering whenever we happen to be so fortunate to encounter it. If you have a good friend, they might sometimes remind you that your suffering is an opportunity. You might become quite irritated to hear it, but we need someone in our life, you know, who can say that. You know, it is an opportunity. I know. I know.

[42:00]

So in our training, we take our suffering as an opportunity to come into alignment, to remind ourselves, to study what are the causes of the suffering. So when suffering is present, to come into alignment with the Buddha's diagnosis rather than just swirl around in our limited diagnosis. People have said of meeting Suzuki Roshi, our San Francisco Zen Center founder, that when you would take a problem, you'd go to Suzuki Roshi with a problem because... Why not? That's what you... When you find a Zen teacher, you know you bring them your problem. So you bring a problem to Suzuki Roshi and it's been reported that you would leave with a bigger problem.

[43:02]

Sort of. And that's in a way what this practice is about. Like, my problem is like... I can't believe these people, you know? And I leave with the problem of I am deeply confused about who I am and what the world is. So that's when our suffering can point to that. Our suffering can connect us with our deep delusion and invite us into the path of addressing our deep greed, hate, and delusion. So to make the problem bigger, to make the problem deeper, and then still to take care of all of it. So the Buddha says, fundamentally, that our suffering is caused by craving. We want something that we don't have and we don't want something that we have. Based on that wanting, we grasp.

[44:08]

we lean, we're always off center because we're trying to push some things away and we're trying to grab some other things. We may not notice that when we're busy grabbing and pushing away to solve our suffering. Like, if I could just grab that and that, I wouldn't be suffering. If I could just push away that and that, this inquiry, this opening to, what if it's that movement, actually, that's the suffering, that grasping and pushing away. So this is what our zazen practice is about, to be upright and still. This craving, you know, is based on ignorance. I'm grasping to get something or I'm pushing something away because of a deep misunderstanding. An understanding like there is some lack. I am a kind of being that could lack.

[45:12]

Of course we are, but fundamentally, at root, the Buddha is saying there's an idea about our separation, about not having something, that starts the whole process of suffering. So when I'm suffering, as I go through these layers, and there may be wisdom... actionable wisdom, you know, at each of these layers of diagnoses of suffering to really not give up until I'm at that bottom layer of and this grasping and this basic dis-ease, this basic sense of lack based on ignorance. So some people hear this and they say, oh, you mean I'm suffering because I don't understand the world properly. So basically you're saying, now I'm suffering and I'm suffering because I'm an idiot. So now I have this extra suffering. We're amazing, you know, we're amazing. So I've heard this when sharing this teaching that people say, oh, so now I'm not only in my suffering, but now I shouldn't even be suffering.

[46:22]

I'm just like, I don't get it. And that's why I'm suffering. Thanks. You may not have this problem, but I want to just note that that's not the teaching. This teaching is about a way forward. It's about a path. Seeing that there's something we can do to take care of the suffering, and the thing we can do may be deeper than the thing we're doing. So what is that remedy? What is that thing that we could do to deal with this one knot that we may have become a little more intimate with today? How can I deal with this suffering? The Buddha says... There's an eightfold path. You can follow this path to deal with that suffering that we've identified. There may be a number of ways to take care of it, and we should pursue any of those that are wise and skillful. But at root, what that suffering needs is a right view, a right intention, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness, and right concentration.

[47:38]

which may not even occur to us, you know, when we're in the suffering. How often, when you're suffering, you say, how do I get rid of this suffering? Do you think, oh, I know, the Eightfold Path. This reminder, as we become intimate with it, even this little suffering, what if this was the medicine for it? So what is the cause of this suffering? What misdiagnosis have I been running around with? What misdiagnosis of this suffering has been wreaking havoc in my life? Can I settle with this suffering and come to some deeper diagnosis? Oh, this suffering is not about what I thought it was about.

[48:44]

And see what wisdom, what paths emerge from that study. And then even then, to get still more still, still more curious and say, could it be that my own greed, hate, and delusion is involved? And could there be a path through this suffering that acknowledges that? Thank you so much for your kind attention today. for entering in this difficult study, the difficult inquiry into our suffering. We do so to transform it for our benefit and for the benefit of all beings. So if any good has come today from our getting together and turning towards these teachings, we dedicate it to the liberation from suffering for all sentient beings. Thank you very much for your attention.

[49:49]

Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our programs are made possible by the donations we receive. Please help us to continue to realize and actualize the practice of giving by offering your financial support. For more information, visit sfcc.org. and click giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[50:22]

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