This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning. I just had a momentary shock when I opened my folder and there was nothing in it. but there was actually something in it. So I want to start with a koan from the Blue Cliff Record. A monk named Wei Zhao asked Fayan, what is Buddha? Fayan said, you are Wei Zhao. So As often is the case with Zen stories, they leave us a bit hungry for a better answer.

[01:05]

And I don't necessarily have one, but I thought I would give it a try. What is Buddha? What is Buddha? So in taking up this question, I want to begin with a few recent events. Last weekend, I was at Tassajara co-leading a retreat with the travel writer Pico Ayer. And Pico and I had first met a couple of years ago in a patio in front of Grace Cathedral where he and I were about to enter to do a fundraiser for Zen Center. And being a very gracious and kind gentleman, I was pretty quickly at ease in his company as we walked into the cathedral. And the moment that we entered that very big room, I was very sorry that my parents were no longer living because there in front of the altar was a large platform on top of which were two oversized thrones on which Pico and I were directed to sit.

[02:18]

So once again, I was dumbfounded by the extraordinary lengths that we humans go to distinguish ourselves from one another. The use of costumes and lighting, you know, stage setting of titles, you know, I am an abbess, for example, and timing, all of which come together to create an impression of greatness on the one hand, bless you, or of humility on the other. Of course, there are all kinds of shades in between by which we become who we think we are, our identity. For a Zen teacher, dressed as we are, it's hard to tell which side is being demonstrated. Is it greatness or is it humility? And although I am not going to tell you, it's partly because I'm not really sure.

[03:28]

at any given moment which side of the coin I'm on. So to that point, there's a story from the Zen tradition about a Zen abbot who is bowing again and again at the altar, saying, I am nobody. I am nobody. I am nobody. And his attendant is standing by, and over in the corner is a young monk who also begins bowing, saying, I am nobody. I am nobody. I am nobody. The attendant whispers to the abbot, look who thinks he's nobody. So most likely it's simply the case, as Mr. Shakespeare famously illuminated, that we humans are all actors on the stage of reality itself and that reality there is no higher or lower there is no greater or lesser greatness or humility until in the course of the play we make it so and although we arrived here on the earth unscripted we are soon given lines and language and multiple clues

[04:55]

our social standing. Clues that are based on such things as our race, our wealth, our gender, or our ownership of property. Those clues in turn create our social conditioning, which is collectively reinforced by our systems of education, entertainment, law, and, of course, the police. So this summer here at Green Gulch and also through the rest of Zen Center, we have begun to study this conditioning and how it's resulted in the grave injustices of racial discrimination based in white privilege. And I do know who I'm talking to right now. Most of us here in this room are so it seems, so it looks.

[06:01]

That's really all it is. And I think we all know how terribly dehumanizing this conditioning can be for all of us on all sides of the issue. All children are vulnerable. to the restrictions of their social conditioning, which fly in the face of their childhood dreams, the dream of getting to the top of the mountain of their own secret wish. I thought maybe for a moment you could all consider what your wish was as a child, which mountain you hoped to climb, what you wanted to be, and how did that go? How did that go? And perhaps all of you were as disappointed as I have been on discovering the limits of my conditioning based on my gender, my family name, lack of wealth, and access to specialized training in such things as literature, music, or art.

[07:12]

You know, it was many, many years before another possibility arrived in the images of the Buddha, and of the Buddha's teachings before I once again started to dream. Buddha is a kind of shorthand for whatever we're imagining is the wisest, kindest, happiest human form that could ever be. For the Buddhists, that's the top of the mountain. And of course, Buddha is given many different names around the world, depending on your cultural upbringing. your background. For spiritualists, this might be called Jesus, or Gandhi, or Martin Luther King Jr., Mohammed, or God himself. And for the materialists, we have Rockefeller, Mellon, Carnegie, and Bill and Melinda Gates, just to name a few.

[08:17]

Who we admire is a good indication of how we're planning to get there to the top of the mountain, a good indication of our aspirations, or as has become true for many people that I've spoken with over the years, of having no aspirations at all, of having nobody to admire. For me, being dressed in Buddhist robes, sitting on a throne, with my back to an altar in a church to which I had taken communion as a young child was surreal. And the surreal part continues right up into the present moment. And it's because I know that whatever it was that I have done or learned that has resulted in my sitting up here today has completely vanished. without a trace.

[09:22]

I actually know that I am sitting here in layers of cloth, gazing out at all of you with the same questions I had as a child. What's going on here? Who am I? Where are we? What are we here to do? So for that reason, I propose that asking questions is our common ground as human beings, and that asking questions is a good thing. It's only when we find ourselves getting or giving answers that we should be suspicious and careful. Is that so? Is that so? So here's another story from the Zen tradition. This one is about stories themselves. Ditsan asked Fayan, where are you going?

[10:27]

Fayan said, around on pilgrimage. Ditsan said, what is the purpose of pilgrimage? In other words, tell me your story. Fayan said, I don't know. Ditsan said, Not knowing is nearest. So in the face of what strikes me as two rather good answers, I don't know, and not knowing is nearest, I began to wonder, then what can I talk about today? The first thing that came to my mind when I asked myself that question was the phrase, It's a miracle. It's a miracle. And after that, I thought, being alive, being conscious, being awake, being Buddha, is a miracle.

[11:34]

It's an all-inclusive miracle from which none of us can ever escape. And it's the very miracle that's happening right now. This very mind is Buddha. This very place is the top of the mountain. And yet I know, and you know, that there's a catch. That something supremely subtle and ominously near is blocking our view of ourselves and each other as Buddha. Which is exactly the question that the monk, Hui Zhao, has asked of his teacher. What is Buddha? Because he doesn't know.

[12:38]

He can't find it. He's been looking for a long time. He's a monk. What is Buddha? And the teacher responds, understanding his student's pain. You are Wei Chao. The fire god comes seeking fire. So the title of the workshop that Pico and I completed last weekend at Tassajara was called Facing the Flames. And much of the inspiration for that title came from two actual fires that had nearly enveloped both of our lives. For Pico, it was a fire in Santa Barbara. in which he and his cat barely escaped, as his own home, his own childhood home, and 400 other homes around him burned to the ground. And for me, in this community, it was the Sobrantes fire of last summer and fall that nearly burned our beloved monastery to the ground.

[13:43]

So Pico and I both brought with us various stories and songs that used this metaphor of fire. to evoke the danger as well as the possibility for radical transformation when one is facing the flames, the flames of reality itself. For Pico, the loss of his worldly possessions, all of the photographs and mementos, his writing notes, his art objects, his awards, gave him a new start. from which a new life sprang up as it often does following a cleansing by fire. In fact, it may well be that being surrounded by flames is the very best place to observe the ever-changing nature of reality. The word fire itself is a common metaphor in the Buddhist tradition to indicate not only the transient nature of reality itself,

[14:47]

but also the transient nature of words themselves as we use them in an effort to make sense of reality. Where are we? Who are we? What are we here to do? And if we can't make sense of it, well then we try to stop reality from changing. We try to stop aging and sickness and death. we try to stop the loss of our reputations, of our livelihood, of our loved ones, or of our sanity. And when all else fails, we try to stop the wind and the rising seas. Sazen is modeled on the example of the Buddha himself who sat upright in the midst of the flames, watching quietly as all notions of the world and of himself continuously melted away, like snowflakes on a hot iron skillet.

[15:52]

Observing reality in such a way without complaint is basically what we mean by a Buddha, what we mean by awake. I once asked my teacher during a long session of meditation, what do I do with the fear that I have about this transiency? In particular, this transiency I call myself. And he said, you have to get used to it. So with answers like that one, you might get the impression that Zen is a quick fix for whatever is troubling you. And in many ways, it is. quick fix. But the quick fix itself doesn't last either. Fear, just like the seasonal wildfires of California, will always return.

[17:00]

But until it does, it's not unusual for us to imagine that we can abide right there at that moment in which the present moment, for a moment, is sparkling and clear. And I think all of us have had such moments of utter contentment, maybe sitting by the ocean or gazing into a fire. And in that moment, we might imagine this very mind is Buddha. Now I see it. And in truth, it is. is called the ultimate truth. And yet there's another truth, a relative truth, that continuously partners with the first. And that's what I want to talk about next. In the first part of this talk, I suggested that you are already Buddha, already awake.

[18:09]

And in fact, I often suggest that very thing to the students when I'm talking to them here at Gringotts. You are already Buddha. You are awake. Now step forward from there. And yet in answer to Wei Chao asking, what is Buddha? Fayan doesn't say, you are. He says, you are Wei Chao. So what do we make of that? You are Wei Chao, in my way of understanding this story, is connecting the monk, the human being, with all of his karmic conditioning to his true nature, his true identity as Buddha. This is called, you know, arrow points meeting head-on. In such moments, Buddhas and sentient beings are one.

[19:12]

what is Buddha? You are Hui Chao. Or in being read a slightly different way, what is Buddha? You are Hui Chao. So therein lies the power of language, as well as the pivotal nature within the structure of language itself. You are Hui Chao. You are Hui Chao. I don't know if you all remember. I don't remember the artist. Maybe one of you does. There's a drawing of a pipe. And in French underneath it says, this is not a pipe. You know who that is? Agreed? Yeah. This is not a pipe. Wait a minute. Language. Which brings me to another teaching story that is recounted in the same koan about a monk by the name of Tse, also a student of Fayyem.

[20:18]

Tse has been staying at Fayan's monastery for quite some time, but never asks to enter the teacher's room for special instruction, what in Japanese is called dokusan. So Fayan asked Tse that very question, why haven't you come to enter my room? And Tse replied, didn't you know, teacher? When I was at Qinglin's place, I had an entry into the true nature of reality. In other words, I realized that I am Buddha. Fayan said, oh, try to recall it for me. And Sa said, well, I asked the teacher, what is Buddha? And Master Lin said, the fire god comes seeking fire. Fayan says, good words, but I'm afraid you've misunderstood. Can you say something more for me? Sa says, the fire god is in the province of fire.

[21:22]

He is seeking fire with fire. Likewise, I am Buddha, and yet I went on searching for Buddha. Fayan said, sure enough, you have misunderstood. Containing his anger, Sa left the monastery and went off across the river. Fayen said, this man can be saved if he comes back. If he doesn't return, he can't be saved. Out on the road, Tse thought to himself, Fayen is a teacher of 500 people. How could he deceive me? So he turned around and he went back to call on Fayen, who said to him, just ask me and I'll answer you. Thereupon Tse asked, What is Buddha? Payan said, the fire god comes seeking fire.

[22:24]

At these words, Tsa was greatly enlightened. So what's going on here? You know, it sounds like the student and teacher is simply going around in circles. But is that all it is, circling the flames? Well, for sure, it's that. So I don't know about all of you, but I often find myself wanting some easy way out of the traps and snares that are implanted in these Zen teaching stories. Like, oh, I get it. And on to the next. So I would propose that that's just what Sa has done. He's attached himself to what is called the ultimate truth, that he is Buddha. And in doing so, he is stuck in a concept, an identity. He's stuck on a word, the word Buddha.

[23:29]

What he's turned away from is the relative truth, the truth of his own limited human form. And as with all of us here, our limited human form is the only means by which Buddha can be seen, heard, or known. Understanding our dual nature, on one hand, we are Buddha, and on the other hand, you are Hui Chao, is to have arrived at the summit of the mystic peak, the place where human beings and Buddhas go to dance. And where is that place? Don't know. Don't know. Not knowing is nearest, in which case, maybe that place is right here and right now. How much nearer could all of us be? So here's a poem by another of Fayan's disciples, Te Xiao, excuse my pronunciations of these Chinese names, Te Xiao, on the occasion of a great realization he had while sitting in the assembly listening to Fayan speak.

[24:49]

As you may have suspected already, Fayan was quite a teacher. It says in his biography, his ocean of followers grew until it was never less than a thousand persons. So here's the poem. The summit of the peak of mystic crossing is not the human world. Outside of the mind, there are no things. Blue mountains fill the eyes. The summit of the peak of mystic crossing is not the human world. Outside the mind there are no things. Blue mountains fill the eyes. Do you understand? Maybe not, but still it brings me back to the first response to myself I had when thinking about what I was going to talk about today. It's a miracle.

[25:53]

It's a miracle. Being alive, being conscious, being awake, being Buddha is a miracle. Blue mountains fill the eyes. Nothing can be done about that. It's an all-inclusive miracle. from which none of us can ever escape. The very miracle that's happening right now. This very mind is Buddha. So what is it that holds us back from seeing that it's so? That holds us back from planting our staff at the top of the mystic peak? So given that all of us here in this room are well acquainted with the problems of human existence, I want to propose that the answer to what is holding us back is also here in this room with us now.

[26:57]

What's holding us back is how and what we think. And it's also the way in which we together are fashioning this world by how we think. As the Buddha himself famously said, what we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday. Our present thoughts will build our life of tomorrow. Our life is a creation of our mind. So if we're willing to consider that thinking really is what is holding us back, then what might we do about that? Or as we say here, how can we practice with that? So as you may have already encountered in coming to Zen Center, Buddhism is about giving lists of answers to questions such as this one. There are four noble truths, eightfold path, six paramitas, twelvefold chain, 16 bodhisattva precepts, the one great vehicle, the 37 wings to enlightenment, and the two truths.

[28:12]

So I want to propose that we start with a simple answer. The one that Zen Master Dogen gave, the founder of our tradition. He said, to study the Buddha way is to study the self. And that's it. Study the self. It's easy to remember. And it means, turn the light of your awareness, your bright awareness, onto yourself, onto your body, your feelings, your thoughts, and your actions. And notice how your ideas about yourself and about others is the source of both your own misery and your happiness, as well as the misery and happiness of those around you. He beat me. She robbed me. They cheated me. He defeated me. Those who think such thoughts will not be free from hate.

[29:15]

They beat me. They robbed me. He cheated me. She defeated me. Those who think not such thoughts will be free from hate. Hate is not conquered by hate. Hate is conquered by not hating. Many do not know that we are in this world to live in harmony with one another. Those who know this do not fight against each other. So as a very simple way of exploring the truth of how your thinking is making the world, I want to leave you with a mindfulness exercise that was taught to us here a few weeks ago by Reverend Timo Blanc. First of all, each of you decide on a very small gesture. You don't have a lot of room, so small gesture. And we'll explore this exercise together. So the gesture I've picked for myself is this one. See that?

[30:17]

Just like that. Okay, so first time you do the gesture, make it the gesture with your full awareness. Now the second time you do it, do it as an expression of hatred. Okay, the third time, do this gesture as an expression of giving a gift. And the fourth time, Make the gesture as an expression of your deepest question or your deepest concern. I don't know about you, but I really can notice how the way I think influences the way I behave.

[31:27]

Can you see that? I truly hope so. Because there's hope in that. There's hope for all of us that we can change. We can change the way we think. And we can change the way we behave. And together, I hope that we can find a way to change this suffering world. And the sooner, the better. So before I end, I want to wish all of you here today who are fathers, and to all of us who have had fathers, a very happy Father's Day. I know it's not true for everybody, but I love my father. I'm what you call a daddy's girl. Anyway, he was a very, very sweet man.

[32:29]

May all beings be happy May they live in joy and safety, all living beings, whether weak or strong, in high or middle or low realms of existence. May all beings be happy. Thank you very much for your kind attention. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our programs are made possible by the donations we receive. Please help us to continue to realize and actualize the practice of giving by offering your financial support. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click Giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[33:13]

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