This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good evening. My name is Greg Fane, and I'm the Tonto, or Head of Practice, here at Tazahara. Very happy to be here tonight. I'm really happy to be here and welcome all of you. This is the very beginning of our spring work period. It's longer of the two work periods, the book and guest season. And this is where we do a lot of sprucing up of Tassahara with the help.

[01:00]

A lot of wonderful people sprucing up and some, you know, a couple of major projects, like this amazing new gate, Sammon, mountain gate, for the temple that we're building. It's very exciting. The end of practice period, the three-month cloistered practice period, and then there's this shift where we sort of... You know, it's like inhale, exhale. We move, we turn outwards and welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome. First the work period and then a guest season. So, yeah, welcome. I want to welcome all the volunteers for work period. I want to give a special welcome to the coming of age program who's here for the weekend. It's great to see you.

[02:02]

Great to have you in the talk, and I hope I won't be too boring. At any rate, the nice thing about talks in work period in the summer is that they have to end on time. It's non-negotiable. And all the new and returning students, welcome. Welcome, welcome. I'd like to begin with by thanking and acknowledging my teacher, Sojamil Weizmann Roshi, the abbot of Berkeley Zen Center, my home temple, and just say that my talk is only to encourage you in your practice. I have no other agenda for this talk. So yeah, seeing all these faces, many new faces, A few familiar faces returning.

[03:03]

I just marvel at how we come from all over. We come to Tassajara, right? All over the world, actually. People come from all over the world to Tassajara. Many backgrounds, many diverse backgrounds, many stages of life, many stories. What brought us here? What brought us here? That's what I'd like to talk about tonight. So we have a tradition at Zen Center of students, particularly during the practice periods, new students, we call them Tangaya students, give talks about their lives and their practice. and what brought them to practice. We had last practice period, Ino-san, how many Tangariya students?

[04:07]

Twenty-four. Twenty-four. Twenty-four. And then the practice period before that? I think it was twenty-three. Twenty-three. No, it was twenty-six and twenty-four. Twenty-six and twenty-four. I think one left, so we had forty-nine go through and two. Forty-nine. Right. 49 in two practices. Anyway, however you do the math, that's a lot of way-seeking mind talks. That's what we call them. We call them way-seeking mind talks. Usually they get 20 minutes each and we'll do three in the span of an hour. That's the way we do them at Tassahara in any event. And these way-seeking mind talks are tremendously what? Telling. informative, beyond informative. You really get to know someone, where they're coming from, what brought them to practice. You really get to know them well, especially within the intimacy of a practice period container.

[05:18]

People tend to be very forthcoming with their stories and share a lot of intimate details, painful, tough stuff. What brought them? What brought them to practice? What brought them here? I, myself, I think I've done five Wayseeking Mind talks between Berkeley Zen Center, small Dharma discussion groups in Tassahara. I did one here in 2000 and another one in 2005 when I was head monk, Shusoh. So maybe I owe you one. I don't know. But that's not going to be tonight's talk. Although maybe a little bit. I'll share a little bit of Wayseeking Mind talk. Perhaps. Wayseeking Mind.

[06:22]

Douxing. Dou is like Chinese Tao. the way, the way to live in harmony with existence. And shin could be mind or could be heart. So you could also translate it as the heart that seeks the way, the heart that seeks to live in accord with all existence. Suzuki Roshi, my teacher's teacher, and the founder of this temple, talked about way-seeking mind all the time. I assume that's why we call them way-seeking mind talks, because this is an expression Suzuki Roshi used a lot in his teachings. These talks, what brought us here?

[07:27]

What brought us to practice? Sojan Roshi says that actually practice begins with enlightenment. We might think it's the other way around, right? First we practice, and then if we practice good enough, long enough, and if we're, I don't know, lucky, I don't know, later on, enlightenment. But no, actually... enlightenment comes first. The enlightenment that's always there. It's always there. Our guy, Dogen Zenji, the founder of this school in Japan in the 13th century,

[08:31]

He wrote this little primer that I can definitely recommend to you called Gakudo Yojinshu, or Points to Observe in Practicing, or maybe Guidelines for Buddhist Practice. It's a very simple thing. It's quite accessible. Ten points. Ten things you should pay attention to in practicing. It's translated in Moon and a Dew Drop. Kastanahashi's translations of Dogen. And number one, numero uno, is you should arouse the thought of enlightenment. Dogen says, the thought of enlightenment has many names, but they all refer to one and the same mind. Ancestor Nagarjuna said, the mind that fully sees into the uncertain world of birth and death is called the thought of enlightenment.

[09:34]

Thus, if we maintain this mind, this mind can become the thought of enlightenment. That's the very beginning of Gakuro Yojinshu. It's like the first thing he wanted to emphasize the most. In other words, like Mel says, practice begins with enlightenment. This thought of enlightenment is something we always have with us. As Dogen says, it has many names. So I'll lay a couple of them on you. In Sanskrit, Master Nagarjuna, the Buddhist philosopher, would have been writing in Sanskrit, so he would say, Anuttara Samyaksambodhicitta. Unsurpassed, complete, perfect enlightenment mind. The mind of unsurpassed, complete, perfect enlightenment. Or in Japanese, that would be which is abbreviated to bodhaisin, which could be interpreted as awakening mind, or doshin, way-seeking mind, or way-seeking heart.

[10:54]

Shohaku Okamura, a contemporary Zen master, said, uh, this can also be interpreted as the mind that is aware, the mind that aspires to live in accordance with reality instead of being pulled by egocentric desires, which are contrary to it. Well, okay. You know, when I read that, I thought, okay, egocentric desires, that's good. As far as it goes, as far as I'm concerned, uh, In Buddhism, we talk about the three poisons, greed, hate, and delusion. And delusion is huge. It's huge. And I was thinking about, you know, in honor of our young men and young women from the coming of age group, I was thinking about them and thinking about how that is, or in my case, how it was.

[12:00]

I was talking to somebody earlier and I said, I don't remember too much about being 13. I think what I can remember, I don't think I would do it again for $500 million. But I do seem to recall being aware of a lot of pressures, beginning to be aware of a lot of pressures without necessarily being able to name them. pressures from friends, pressures from family, societal pressures, cultural pressures, advertising, politics, social media, etc., etc., etc., nonsense, silliness, horse poop. That's right, the tanto said horse poop. You like, comes a time when you might want to say, let's get down to business.

[13:07]

Let's get down to brass tacks. Let's cut through the horse poop. Can we? Can we? Can we talk about what's real? Any of this resonate with any of you? I seem to recall feelings like that. So there's this bodhisattva sort of embodiment of practice. And her name is Manjushri. She lives in the Zendo, typically. So we have two statues up here on the altar. The big one above is the Buddha, Shakyamuni Buddha, the awakened one. And the smaller one in front is Bodhisattva Manjushri. Manjushri is the embodiment of wisdom. And she's got this sword. I love this statue because her sword is like this. And she's gone. To do what?

[14:09]

What does she do with that sword? She cuts through the horse poop. That's what she does. That's exactly what she does. Let's get down to business. Let's see things how they are. Let's learn to see things how they are. Let's learn to see and live. in accordance with the way things are, in accordance with the Tao. So Suzuki Roshi says, talking about way-seeking mind, like I said, he talked about way-seeking mind a lot. He says, in the first instruction of 10 instructions in Gakuto Yojinshu, Dogen Zenji emphasizes arousing, way-seeking mind. And way-seeking mind, according to him, is the mind to have a direct feeling of the evanescence of life.

[15:14]

When we feel the evanescence of life directly, we will not have any more ego-centered idea. And our practice will be quite pure and strong. And on each moment, we will do our best in our practice. That is the most important point in our way. So I wanted to talk a little bit about this idea. I mean, it's not an idea. He says, feel the evanescence of life directly. Feel it directly. This is how we get in touch with way-seeking mind. And this is what we hear. over and over again in people's way-seeking mind talks when they talk about what brought them here, what brought them to practice is their actual problems, their actual suffering, feeling the evanescence of life directly. On another occasion, Suzuki Roshi said, when we feel the evanescence of life or when we have problems for ourselves and direct feeling of the problems, again he says direct feeling of the problems,

[16:27]

of the fact you have to face, that's how you arouse way-seeking mind. You seem to like that word, evanescence. That's a very cool word. It means, you know, like pleading. Like Dogen Senji says in his treatise, Fukansa Zengi, The Instructions for Zazen, he says, the fortunes of life are like a dart of lightning, emptied in an instant, vanished in a flash. It's over before you know it. It can be over, you know, you're on the Golden Gate Bridge. Somebody crosses the center divide. It's over or completely changed. Life's like that. Life is like that. This is what Nagarjuna is talking about, the uncertain world of birth and death. the uncertain world of birth and death.

[17:29]

We all have experienced the death of somebody close to us. Or if you haven't, you will. In my case, I never knew my two grandfathers, and I was only vaguely aware of one of my grandmothers when I was a tiny top. And... The other grandmother, she died of Alzheimer's, and it was kind of not in the picture for me. So the first time I really encountered death close up and personal, I was thinking about this because I have this person's picture on my desk. I say this person is my dog, Magzie. M-A-G-S-I-E. I say my dog. She was very much her own dog.

[18:32]

She was very much her own dog. I lived with her. I shared life with her for 15 and a half years. Ever since she was like a little furball with a snout, just this tiny puppy, tiny, tiny stray puppy I found. Until, you know, 15 and a half years later, a shepherd collie mix. extremely smart and quite good-looking, quite a heartbreaker. She had quite a sense of humor. She would do like these Jack Benny takes with me. She'd be like, what? All the time. And a trickster. She was quite a trickster. Very much her own person. And I loved her very, very just... I loved her so much. I can't even talk about it. But I can tell you a lot of stories.

[19:40]

She hated rattlesnakes. It could be 50 feet away. And she started going. And I'm really chill with rattlesnakes. They don't bother me at all. They do not bother me. I'm like, what? What is that? Hey, get closer. It's a rattlesnake. She hated him. And when I found her when she was astray, I looked and looked to see where she came from. I lived in this very weird sort of quasi-urban frontier industrial wasteland neighborhood in southeast San Francisco, Bayview, right by the bay. And this converted industrial space. And I finally found the litter where she came from was this guy living in a school bus with no wheels on like no man's land, just squatting.

[20:43]

And I didn't know this guy, but some other people knew him. They said, oh, you don't know him? He's this notorious junkie heroin addict. kind of not a very savory character, kind of you. And he had this dog, just beautiful, lovely dog. She had this huge litter of puppies. And I said, I think I found your puppy. And the guy goes, you like it? Keep it, man. I said, okay, I think I will. And this guy had long hair. He had long hair. And all her life, Magsie hated me. Guys with long hair. She'd see a guy with long hair and she'd go... It took me forever to put two and two together. Anyway, she died of kidney failure. I was carrying her downstairs, down two flights of stairs, to prop her up on the sidewalks so she could do her thing because she hated soiling her bedclothes.

[21:49]

And she had to pee all the time. And she was just getting sicker and sicker. And I'm on the phone with the vet. And the vet is saying something like, dialysis at UC Davis. And I'm like, dialysis at UC Davis? What? And she says, Greg, get Maggie, get her favorite blanket, and get over here right now. Just come. Very skillful. So I did that. And this nice woman brought us into a nice, warm, quiet room, had Maxi on the blanket, and she gave her one shot to calm her down, and gave her another shot, stopped her heart, while I held her, and I watched her exhale, and not inhale. And then I cried like I haven't cried,

[22:53]

since maybe I was two years old. And for you guys in the coming-of-age program, let me say, you're lucky because I come from a generation where when I was growing up, it was big boys don't cry. Big boys don't cry. So I don't even know how to cry. It doesn't come easily to me. All of a sudden, I was just like, cry like anything. She completely broke my heart. So that night I had this lucid dream about her where I was up in my loft sleeping and I felt her come and nudge me awake as she would do. She came and nudged me with her muzzle. Wake up. So I woke up.

[23:54]

And I was like, oh, Maxie. And I was petting her. I was feeling it. I could smell her. And I was so happy. And I was like, oh, good girl, good girl. And at some point, it came to me. You're dead. And then she got up and trotted around the corner where I couldn't see her. And just as she was going around the corner, she turns back and looks at me like, hee-hee. She gave me one of those looks. Mm-hmm. And I thought, huh. Well, I didn't know what to think. Was she visiting me from beyond the grave? Or what? You know? Interesting dream. Very real. It's a mystery, isn't it? They say in Buddhism there's two heretical views about death. The first heretical view is... that there's a soul that goes on forever.

[24:57]

And the second heretical view is that death is the end of everything. Nihilism. So what's the orthodox view? There isn't one. That's the kind of thing the Buddha would not answer questions like that. There is no orthodox view. It's a mistreat. The answer is the mystery. If you were to press me based on my experience and, let's say, a hunch, I might give you an answer like, you're not alone. We're not alone. We've never been alone. We don't exist that way. We only exist interdependently with everything and everyone, every being. that exists. Conventionally I'll say that. Feel the evanescence of life directly.

[26:07]

That's how you get in touch with Wayseeking Mind. If you're lucky, your heart will break. That's the title of a book by James Ishmael Ford Roshi. That's the only reason I brought this book in with me. and give the Chico something to carry. It's a great book. I love the title most, but I haven't read the whole thing, but this was published last year. If you're lucky, your heart will break. If you're lucky, you will feel the evanescence of life directly. You will arouse way-seeking mind. you will have, as Suzuki Roshi says, the direct feeling of our problems, the facts you have to face. This is it. So when I came here first as a student, I used to have practice discussion with Leslie, our abiding teacher, a lot.

[27:17]

In many, many practice discussions, I... forced her to listen to stories about Magzi. Many more stories than I just told you. And if you weren't interested, I apologize. And Leslie didn't know what to think of it, but she was very kind because she knew I wasn't talking about just my dog that I lost, but I was talking about loss in general and love and longing. and getting in touch with what's real. So Suzuki Roshi said, the direct feeling of our problems, this direct feeling of our problems, comes through Zazen practice.

[28:18]

That's why Manjushri Bodhisattva lives in the Zendo. And way-seeking mind means to find out our inmost desire. So he asked this question over and over again. What is your deepest request? What is your inmost request? What's your deepest intention? What is your inmost desire? Over and over again. It's like Socrates, the Greek philosopher, saying the unexamined life is not worth living. Um... I think we're here to examine this life, to look at, you know, what is the deep meaning. And the Sao Zen practice and our life together as a community is an opening to that, I feel. So that's all I wanted to say, actually, about that.

[29:24]

What brought us here? But I left a little time for questions. What I'd really like to do is hear everyone's way-seeking mind talk, but we can't do that. But if you have a question or a comment, maybe you could start by saying a word or two about what brought you here. What do you think? Can we do that? If anyone has anything to say. The township truck brought you here. Yeah. Mm-hmm. So, hang on a second.

[30:36]

Are you saying your sentiments aren't real? Yes. Why? Because I feel like, especially in our culture, we have a tendency to romanticize things. And so we can easily fall in love with some idea of something like, oh, that's such a beautiful way to practice that that's get carried out a lot. Something that, sure, it's real in some sense. in some way it's not really honest. Yeah, so you should be completely honest. And I'd like to propose that you can be completely honest about your sentiments and have your sentiments completely. Do you understand? Yes, but that's not exactly being sentimental. Well, Yeah, I don't know, Ki.

[31:38]

I'm feeling kind of like a little bit of a... You have some judgment about your sentiments. Can you just have your sentiments and not disparage them as being sentimental? Sentiments aren't bad. Be honest about your sentiments and that's fine. You're encountering something that's real every moment. Sorry for your loss.

[32:51]

If you're lucky, your heart will break. That's genuine sentiment. That's encountering your life completely. Wide open. You have no choice. You have no choice. Like when I held a magazine in my arms and she breathed her last, there's nothing I could do but just cry with every fiber of my being. This is... I think we all want this somewhere within us.

[34:04]

This is my theory, okay? I might not be the only one who has this idea that somewhere all of us crave a genuine existence to get in touch with what's real. take Manjushri's sword and get down to what is truly meaningful. Why are the real things the things that break our hearts? Well, I don't say all kinds of things are real, right? I mean, everything real, real, real, real. But we tend to build up these layers of delusion and half-truth that buffer us from what we feel, you know, as habitually

[35:27]

buffer us from experience and from feeling things deeply as a way to protect ourselves, I think. And that can be alright as far as it goes. But it doesn't go all the way. There's something in us, I think, that wants to get in touch with a deeper truth. deeper meaning you know and I think the whole if there's any point is as in at all you know we sit there oh yes we do and basically just stay present for whatever's coming up and that is how we train to stay present for our life painful stuff lovely stuff, everything that happens without having to protect ourselves too much.

[36:40]

Yes? Hi, Noah. horse poop yeah you know what I mean is seeing clearly not fooling ourselves not fooling ourselves and not being fooled by others you have a head on your shoulders you have two eyes two ears you're fully endowed with everything you need to see and relate to the world as it is. But we do get fooled. So I think, you know, we need to train ourselves to see clearly. I think that, you know, that's for many of us in great measure, what brought us here.

[37:55]

Almost time to go, so one more sassy. Yeah, why do you think that we're afraid of a thought or afraid of, you know, what? What is there to really be afraid of? Yep. You know, one possible explanation, one among many, I could say, We tell ourselves various stories about what's going on, and we stick to those stories. And then when something comes along that is not in accord with the story that I'm currently sticking to, it's threatened. It's threatened. So I have faced a tough choice. I can change. I can change my mind, but usually that's the last option people choose. And it's more likely to be fight, flight, or freeze.

[39:10]

That's more typical primate behavior. I'd say that's one explanation. Do you think that there is a way to approach that in a friendly way? Yes. I really like that, Sas. Thank you. Yeah, friendly zazen. Sid zazen with a friendly mind. They say that bodhisattvas cultivate, what, maitri and karuna, right? Usually translated as loving-kindness and compassion. But I much prefer friendliness and helpfulness. So, yeah, practice with a mind that is friendly and helpful. So I wanted to leave you with a couple words more. Elsewhere in Gakuro Yojinshu, Dogen says famously, by bowing formally and stepping inward, you stumble into the realm of great ease.

[40:21]

So congratulations, you've all stumbled into the realm of great ease. And later on, This summer, you might think, those of you who are staying, work practice students, Tonto said it was going to be great ease. He sold me a bill of goods. And all I can say to that is, this past practice period, somebody said to me in a practice discussion, is it always like this, this level of trust and support? And I told her, yes. Yes, it is. But it's a provisional yes. It is always this level of trust and support at Tassajara if you're always willing to meet it there. If you meet trust and support with mistrust and withholding, not so much.

[41:29]

I mean, that will be another... problem that you face and you know Suzuki Roshi said you should be grateful for your problems so you really can't lose where we meet is in the mystery of you are not alone thank you very much for your attention tonight and I wish you well I wish you all joy in your practice Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered free of charge and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click giving.

[42:22]

@Transcribed_UNK
@Text_v005
@Score_86.87