Way-Seeking Mind

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spot in one's life so this is the way it is so it goes from relation to misery
same experience all those things like anyone else
so i never going to say that when i'm myth suzuki roshi since a
i knew sort of we was in and then i remember
i felt that he then he was a hasidic rabbi and that was looking for
i never found because he had all those qualities
very interesting
the iraqi over him
i'm sitting zazen
and going through the difficulties i had but his encouragement
dealing with those difficulties
and i can remember having revelations
about practice and but what he was doing and remember wanting to run back to the zendo and bow down to him that the overwhelming feeling of gratitude

he used to say that the difficult difficulty you have
the people have the most difficulty really benefit the most from practice
so i was a star pupil because it was really hard for me
i can remember walking
well it's a shame
i'm keeping my legs crossed over the first says she and i didn't in when i'm sitting for lotus and i didn't move the whole time except the last two minutes of the last period
you know that one don't you
and so so so disheartened and onset of synthetic a failure
it's ridiculous used to bow to us in his office and circle or coaching
we'll find out everyone filed through his office
and he would bow to each person and each person about him and you never knew what he was thinking because he was sometimes look at you sometimes look over your shoulder some you know and everyone's what what is he thinking machine but this is a kind of
last minute and duke son
it always through suing a back on yourself because you didn't know what he was thinking and so you had to figure out where you were
anyway so at the end i was the last person out and i said i wanted to test him out you know do you think i should continue doing this
he said oh is not difficult enough for you
is it if you run you know if you want to find something more
more difficult you should do that
that was last time i was i was
talking about toxic going to be rushing
it does a and you have to go to kind of back and forth to three different places
i'm talking about berkeley tube and say you can go back and forth so does a home
that was the shoe so nineteen seventy when and the taseko me roshi arrived he couldn't speak english i couldn't speak japanese that nobody can speak japanese to enrich spoke a little
and he was a kind of interpreter that it was difficult for him and
he later kind of during though she came down
but shrinking though she never did come down that brand experience
so toxic and roshi it was the at aig for ten years he was hundred and sixty something like dead and he was a
heavy set man and own type was a kind of champion wrestler at aging because the most used to wrestle each other you can a solo job he's decided where his when he really put out a lot of right that was the the fred between his legs would flap together
but them
and he's to laugh a lot but this one great characteristic was that he smoked
in those days most everybody smoked almost i mean i would say
two thirds of the people smoke this is still the days when people smoke
i mean an unknown if you remember this but
when i was growing up everybody had a strange in their house and when you were a kid you made ashtrays out of clay and put your medical in the house
so ashtrays are think everybody smoked
and so it was very common but
ah guy me he was champion
he's not all the time
and he had a little
a pipe dream think you can buy this chinatown they're called opium pipes
right that's a we call them i don't think they don't they're just little plants and he had shorted tobacco and take a pinch of the shredded tobacco and put it in their by and then you'd take a call from his a budget when you come up to the adverts kevin you seen this hibachi that's a box eg that was tussle getting
notions about you getting in left it here and mr sit around it
and there were calls in the ocean there's a way of
put calls and the hibachi which you put your hands over the part about blockchain and you'd like your pipe so you take a coal a vaccine ladies take you know a couple of puffs and even if it's very satisfying for him it was very satisfying for us to watch him do that
to watch it be satisfied but he smokes cigarettes all the time and people would go to town on townships the ordering of all kinds of exotic smoking things
a little by little
he organized
the monastic
a practice it as a her for instance but the so used to go out and visit the sick people during his him
but what he did was he organized but we now call the door in rio
somebody do them kudos and with a chance and would do the the fukudome do the
well the between you and of and
the various positions of the dolans
so that was a radical new thing and
he taught everybody to and taught the dominance to chant
what he was used to he was a why had a marvelous voice and his channel was so ornate you know and beautiful
we just knocked out running out and so he was teaching people who share that way
and the way he would do that is he'd walk around as a her and the dough on would come up to him and they would chant together and you just just just seven working around just come up to me will channel
and so the the
student which they would just do it to together and that's the way he taught everybody so they would go through it was him that way not just listening to the tape
but people forget to do know that it's hard to do you have to be you have to love this thing you when you make to make it to to do it well so i said to him as a what would you teach me to when you should you should learn from the shadow is very that's a kind of japanese way of speaking
in the sender
the sand okay the literally as the and says through sunshine we should don't take to don't understood do things in vain
literally don't waste your time in sunshine and shadow
sunshine means day show mills night but anyway so using is kind of turns you should you should you should learn from the shadow in other words to learn by observation which is very much japanese his way of teaching it's not so much we teach you but
you observe
i remember when i was receiving dharma transmission from wheat so in japan
he was going through this sub with me on japanese i didn't know what are you doing
and finally is that when you teach me to do the wisdom water you should i taught you to do that during chairman bash
don't just seen it anyway
observation the watching you observe a new that's how you learned something so i did learn that way actually i learned to do the channing by observing and been in
absorbing that
so you know your library where there were people who didn't get along well with
people thought that he was
taking over and they kind of resented it and on he was trying to take over suzuki roshi his place and being it as a a you know he he was the brass there and it was fine with me there were people
you know this was a seventy three been doing to as a home for three years
and there are different kinds of people there some people thought that turns of her was a commune
because this was the era of communists are outdoorsy know the all these canyons of different types
and someone told to go home again
the people it was what's he doing he's going to teach us the nyg way
that's a that's great
this the energy way the ministry cuisine we don't want your data i can do
why when you wouldn't do that know what we're doing
but this separated the the practitioners from the communists
having from the colonialists
so a lot of people left and went to communes or whatever they did and the people wanted to practice stayed
so that kind of such as time for practice and so he organized the kitchen practice
and we only chanted when she's looking
up to that time we only to at the heart center
in japanese
three times that was our service and nine bows
an echo and so he introduced to it so the chance to us and
the sand okay and
the ronnie's
and then peter schneider transfer
put together a translation of the heart sutra which is pretty the basic car that we chant now from putting together from various translations so that was the first translation and we ever ahead of the heart surgeon as nineteen seventy
and so he entered his the chance and it and the way we do our procedures
and then one time people said you know people go into the kitchen at night and take food
where do we do about that and you don't put a lock on the door there was a lock on it are there was a radical kind of thing to say
we're supposed to behave ourselves
the conditions
brown know the story had been a brown in the kitchen
when he would stay up he would sit on the counter at night and went for people to come by
right answer and
trying to think what else he did i know you did a lot of other things the beach to his loyalty
maybe yeah maybe maybe we had are you okay we may have a area before that but a baby he did maybe that was your first time we yeah
tell him
because you know
grow genome
we are probably coverage you know i think it urged yeah
there was a degree head or yoga by and ten
he taught me how to do are you okay
i was the first person to have the priests balls she's you know she taught me how to use the principles so yeah we were doing your aoki before
but he just taught us all the procedures that we use you know the basic way that we do things
created a schedule that was more monastic
so that that's at things up
and nineteen sixty nine before that was wrong every
re water
natasha hi
where we were ill prepared
and but when wonderful time because
we were snowed in we were totally unprepared for that five feet of snow on the ridge
i remember the township truck was
if you just see the top of it and the snow like
an expedition to the north pole where you can
to some something buried in snow
and we had to dig into get the food out
and it was very with when where we didn't have much food we had one bearings and brown rice
wheat berries you know you have to chew them and get a nourishment but you know has and student it
they just swallow it
and i can prove it to you
because the toilets are backed up
somebody should
the some had a septic tank
no to take a cesspool
down at the lower bone
does not
so there was the disposable oh probably are there and i was simply was burgeoning out
so we sent read down there
take down and find out what's going on
he enjoyed a baghdad and there was
wheat berries
the whole place was stuff everything was all the pipes are stuffed with week

richard was swelling up
revamped you know as the gardner was very innovative and is said we must eat wild vegetables so people went out to the flats and we harvested all these wild vegetables that grow out there are whether they're out there now
dandelion leaves and roots and and lamb's ears and end a lamb's quarters and miner's lettuce and and we need is great salads all the time and it was all live food you know why as thirty
so we kind of love that way for during that time and
but that was sixty nine just that was before short a ago and game
and know
somebody walking dead during that winter know we didn't have any heat at that time this was the only place there was any heat
so and the only thing that everybody can think about was heat and food the only thing that it was the every topic of conversation ended up talking about food
but we have it it's really easy practice these days i to tell you
well at that time you know so many people smoked used to keep your can't of tobacco called top
and some cigarette papers over there in the corner
the people just commencement run their own night
a guy walked in
and he met to snow in he didn't know anything about where we going but instead tassajara down this road so he got into a sleeping bag because it's so called the incidents way to does her
a sleeping bag that's what he said

that time we didn't let anybody stay overnight
probably conditions we let him say but we took your mouth and next day
so and i took him up and we had one
pair of snowshoes and rip grab those
is this guy and i we made snowshoes out of tin cans will get the sides out of five gallon tofu cancer and know about this loan
and put ropes made have to put ropes and entitled to our feet and claimed which has a hard to jasper
the virgin snow it was wonderful i hated putting my feet in snow because it's so beautiful boobs
wait and then as we came down the road to january we took them off and put it behind some bushes and every time i come into the career with the road i like to say if i guess i kind of service in the bushes
but we'd run out of top and that was one it out sub reason for me going out
when we came back up the creek from arroyo seco
i go a week later or something and they in five receptionists and the
creek has swelled up you know and we had to get across it
david chairman
walked across the creek and were just like really eternal is ice cold
and he took it with the rope and arab with him entitled to a tree and we also got to close of entitled i close above our head and launch across the creep in that room
no is
those were fun days
i didn't affect did it now
so as well you good is that little incident

okay so severe or she died nineteen seventy one
and then richard baker took over richard baker became the habit
my sure that was my father who is it when she's if you or she died that all of his disciples would work together to create a wonderful zen center but there was no richards idea his idea was he was going to create whatever it was that was in center
so he kind of scattered the family rather than unifying it and was very disappointing to me and i was always very critical and whatever he did and
show more isolated in berkeley
but richard had great plans and she's roshi you know just gave it to him and do different things so
i didn't feel so good about that
i i thought surely
when you would be more warframe but that wasn't his idea at all
but he was so powerful and the do so many people and he
had the organization skills which were marvelous so he really organized and center
in a way that when so
quite spectacular
and no one of the positions that the
finance department finance but the treasury was a place where you practiced
and there always five or six people practicing in the treasury and he had this big time
business people who come in and teach
how did how to
you run the treasury and how to defend raising and how to make
things were going to financial level and a high level and it all worked up to a point
but richard was so
you know he had the media's touch everything he touched turned to gold
and so it was really hard to argue with him he was really hard to challenge that because he was so successful
i just wanted to
and two thousand and practice of everybody nice way so would i
when i run to berkeley
i knew what i wanted to do
i wanted to
i have to sit down and i wanted to do organic farming
so the zendo had this big huge lot
in the back and i spent on my time not all but a good deal of time doing organic gardening and so i do are these vegetables and i not and they made compose a or externally mr bring in the garbage from zen center to berkeley
and when put it in my compost pile and then he brought his violin and i would play music together
there's great is that's a kind of life i like
and people will come by and know that helping a garden and we talk about dharma and i built up his library
ah by pupils kind of paper gave contributions of books and i would take the books tomatoes
and which isn't berkeley big bookstore that gives you credit for his books
so i get others credit and then i went to the buddhists to the section and i get all his buddhist books
and i read some of them that rape that's how i learned about buddhism is by getting the books in in dream and
so i build up a credit library doing that so i was having a great time actually
developing zendo doing are getting gardening i would say it was even selling produce to
so some health woods markets and
i met my wife linens here i'm talking about that and so
i told somebody
i said that that was better at the narrows
i told you i've met her at the narrows whereas you don't wear any clothes
i didn't wear nicholas
what are we now we do for my gosh a ruler religions and i didn't where nobody workers now
and i was playing a flute and she shall never liberty
that's what she said
a member on bedroom
and solomon and that she thought you were so she's elements earth

so anyway
we will
we live together the zendo
and i made her am

hothouse know for growing vegetables but it was for growing sprouts and she is to sell the sprouts to the market
so that was really sweet you know and then that was before the bit the big jam
sprout things
we probably can't commercial the the began commercial and they force her out
know people say oh sprouts and so that somebody started going spreads and a commercial level and for syrup
but she'd make these and once a week she'd take him to the grocery store and they would pay or for them anyway
so little by little you know we were developing zendo in the practice their and
at some point you
people felt that was really happening with in san francisco so of my people who are predators will be practicing be moved to san francisco became students and richard baker which was fine with me i really i never tried to keep anybody with me or say oh you shouldn't do that i always think
are few going to go you know if that's what you do we please go
as know
my from my bottom line practice was i sit down as in every day if someone wants to come and sit doesn't i work on them if they want to leave i say goodbye and no matter how wrong they were practising with me or whatever a relationship with his that's always been
my bottom line and it really stuck with it and do i feel okay about it but what happens is eventually most of them come back
maybe after twenty years or whatever
which i didn't count on that i once had such faith you know ned
my practice with me and that whatever was happening with supposed to happen
so i was still okay if nobody came it was okay if people left it was okay
i would just tell my practice with whoever was there and actually when people leave and it would think about idn don't see them
i've just kind of focus on what's in front of me so
i never tried to gain students and i did not call myself a teacher but people will come in and say well give the teacher as well if i if you feel that i'm teaching you something or you're learning something from me then you can take me
in that way but i'm not going to tell you that i'm a teacher here so i maintain their for a long time and
i felt good about that because it helped me too
not get ahead of myself
i sure if i'm going to be a teacher someone is going to have to tell me that
so i'm very careful to do that
ah my wife is always very good about keeping me in my place
now should never let me get ahead of myself or the aggrandize myself or i saw something special
an amp
right like
the really a relationship is like this i see the glass half full she's she's a glass half empty
so i'm always encouraging her and she's always bring me

when so i mentioned seventy two
richard as me to be if i will be
director a
and i said okay so we went we came to touch her
i was the director for but two years
some like that and we lived in the in the library which was no it wasn't a library then but that's we live
it became the library later and she urgently the kitchen she worked in the garden i was the director and it was fun being here but we hardly ever saw each other difficult being a couple here
and that's what i quit smoking
ninety seven today but i used to do was go to the agenda
and doesn't have breakfast the service
and come back and i felt wonderful you know clear headed and then i sit down and i smoke cigarette
you go
when you're just energy we just go
and i just got so tired of that
and i'd quit smoking before but i we started again
but this time i said i just don't want to smoke anymore
and i just stopped and i have never wanted a cigarette since then we were just so easy i just walked away from it
and my way said well i hid your cigarettes on that day that's why you stopped smoking
but she may have hit my cigarettes she knew how wanted to stop and so there's two things happened at the same time but there really is i just walked away from it i just didn't do it again and again if i ever did it again i was started smoking
so i've never had a sugar and i never craved one are wanted one and i've always enjoyed my breathing to since then
so then we left us her and went to mexico
for a while and so his friend came back
a brown and his wife big were saying it the zendo well i was at tassajara
and that's where he wrote it
the bread book know the the cookbook
it doesn't do
so i was always looking for and we had this wonderful place though i read it for thirty dollars and thirty dollars a month and had been downstairs upstairs and attic sendo it what wonder present of in the attic dyadic was like
i have four sides
for sides and
just a big wonderful space in which to by force
steep stairs
really love this place you know it put so much work into it and everybody was surrendered platinum to the to learn the owner would never sell it to us and we can learn to buy it for years around to by but he never sell it to us and it was at the time when there was an energy crisis and reds started going with property
he started doing that
property prices that's when they started to escalate
you could buy a house like the when we had there were going for and seventy eight fifty thousand dollars forty five thousand dollars this is this huge huge place
and he kind of sensed that the my that housing president going on but it really just skyrocketed at that point
for iran i took my bicycle and i rode up and down all the streets in berkeley looking for a place for us to
move to her by
and i i learned a lot about the streets and berkeley and i this woman who was a nurse said well i know this guy this is after looking for i well who has this these two properties with for houses and he wants to get rid of them wants to sell him and will sell him to
you he likes you guys something you for two hundred and twenty thousand dollars
oh that's a lot of money
ah at the end but we didn't have anything we didn't have anybody
i'll tell you what i did one time i didn't know if you remember ist as well werner erhard invited psychiatrists and religious leaders to a free est
hemet and freest party and three right at me
and so i went and the usually costs two hundred dollars and a boy two hundred dollars you know to go to something like that that's that's asking a big price you know from people become limit because two hundred dollars and was a lot of money
and i said hey i'll ask everybody to contribute to hundred dollars to fund as the way of getting us going and so i didn't in kind of solve the idea of buying this place and people contributed it was hard for a lot of people who contribute that much money
but brother did not have contributed less than some more but still wasn't anything you know whether or not but it got the energy going to buy this place so here we were buying a place for two hundred twenty don't know and we didn't have anybody
but to speak of but the owner what he did with
he allowed us to buy the place from him
what that telling the finance company
there was a time when you get there are certain finance companies that will allow you to do that
but this one change their policy around the around that time so it was not a policy to do that so we kept it quiet but we actually bought the place and we were paying the money repaying
his mortgage
but we want the building
the buildings you know the property
berwyn people learn us money where it were to pay a lot of money down so forth
and so anyway there was a lot of enthusiasm
and everything just worked she said that they didn't find out about until at the friend is coming didn't find out about until after but ten years or so
and by that time you know like they just refinanced us
so all this kind of stuff was going to be you know
when i first started i kept the do it for children will five dollars and and blues and ejected in tobacco can
and if i needed some audio and fifty tobacco again the loot from tobacco cantos
richard came nineteen seventy nine
now some like that
i stopped the attack
so whereabouts his place and
the that's going to those big
development in we can have a good number of residents and for has this one has into zendo
ah the three houses were residents
we designed a zendo and designed to one house to be the zendo
and where the fundraise for that because we had a tear it apart and make it into his into
and there was a big project
but everybody helped in i was like
round there with pigments somehow when you need building them carpenters appear
mr where we fresh out of tassajara we any carpenters and carpenters appeared and students and then they disappear when you don't need them
when and something happened and burglary mean union carpenters carpenters appeared and so the criminals original been on to play them
yeah and that kind of messy after mile because some going on and on know he said well it's gonna be going to cost this much and i will be done in this maritime that that's the only kidding yourself whenever you have a building project you always fool yourself you i was going to cause this much when you know it's going to cost this much and he
say it'll be done this time and you know it's going to be done
much further in the future but you have to kid yourself otherwise you never do it
that it was a really brought everybody together
and everybody contributed the were there when we are digging ditches and amount of do you know we will be raised up one of the houses this big two house
in order to put
little complicated but berkeley you have to you can't take living space after the market after the prop up in the city property
because as living spaces so limited
so in order to build the zendo we had to add some living space that we took away from that building
so i had a raise two story building
and build a story underneath it which is what i kind of why we can have a kind of partial basement so we lift ticket movers has movies are lifted up and we build a whole story story underneath the other building so that we can make this spring doesn't do so is years a work
here's a work and i'm going the people were living up there in their houses
then declare latter view
and then drop the on the floor and rolled around
yeah a continuing legal
so right about that time
my wife for is virgin become a nurse
for some reason she said it never attracted her but after her mother had a stroke she realize it
she wanted to be a nurse so she went to nursing school for four years
he don't have to do that you know you'd be a nurse after two years and so but she wanted to do the whole thing
in aladdin and the same time she got pregnant but halfway through she got pregnant
and so
we were have made she's she's about the time and she's going to deliver we we have the sundial not finished and we were sitting in red is now the community room and the aisles are about eight inches wide between the tommies
but and she when she went to nursing school she would leave him off zendo during service just about the same time and so he cooked in a program where we're doing service and citizens first words were
below deep it
some time around my backpack during the day and i treat him to expelled milk you know and he was very good you know they will get your boy and have knowledge of people who shut it down the middle of the meeting and play with his stuff you know
the it just to just completely absorbed and agility not bothering anybody he was wonderful up to the first five years
and then we moved by why said i wanna have a house of our own
what on any beware a new couples that things will change the matter what you think
and i should you know that i have to live at enter know i can you move out in general is my life
and then sometime they should you know i really want to move didn't want to have a house
i don't have that's very nice official reason
and then sometime later she said
you know i really want to have a house at my own house and i said okay i didn't even think about it and you said you weren't that
i didn't think about what i would entail for me
the i just okay
and so i finally gave us some money he gave her her inheritance
and we made it down payment on his house
it was very hard for me to change
because he put me out of contact in a way that and same way that it was before but
you know other people took up that contacted i him and
emission you know i have to get dressed indonesia don't get undressed again and put on my roads know is but it just became my way of life and then i started riding my bike to the zendo so you i'm a biker five of the more
a huge range of agenda which is what i always do and i realized that's a plus because that's where yet you know so my best exercise
and then
you know their advantages and disadvantages i found out to seventy advantages although it took awhile
i was and
that dutch kind of my way you know instead it
right by to the morning and go to the zendo and thousand and and ducks on every morning and take care of business and see everybody and
in every saturday we have a set a new program morning and then but live lecture and then when someones we have a monday sitting or three-day sitting or five day says she and are seven-day shashi and
and it's a very vital place lot of you know it can strike activity going all the time and little by little you know an agenda and build up until really just a huge a really big corps large of dedicated people and they take care of the meantime a and test of time when i was avid isn't insane
you're which i haven't talked about yet
i can kinda to jazeera and know that everything was taken care of just like now and i come does i i haven't given it berkeley i thought since i've been here i haven't contact anybody to say how is it going
nothing i just however it's going is the way it's going
can but i think it's going i know what's going on okay
so actually that's a real accomplishment that
the just purchase goes on without me


i had a kind of you know difficult time with zen center and richard baker
and i can you tell you how difficult it was sometimes
because i was always and he's a skeptic and a critic what was going on in zen center
and so you know but i said to myself
you can get rid of me
the belong to anybody can be blinded richard baker than willing to meet and beyond anybody belongs to the students and
i haven't you know i'm not gonna go away because i really have a lot of
just sentiments a lot to me and i feel an obligation to
to stay with what's going on to stay was instead of regardless of what's going on
everybody at the the the priests were richard you know when she's drinking and she was ever eaten ordained about
fifteen priests
the last couple of years and
but his focus was not much a little people
and who had richard take over took over sensitive
focus was on creating a pressure so he ordained a lot of people is priests
and they became the sands and students to student that he really paid attention to
and delay seneca took a backseat
he was a very different
and i'm
so it was very strong
prince practice
and challenged the feeling is answer
hey i was course a priest and are interested in prince practice but i was also interested in les practice and i was not so interested in
former priests practice
salmon know and not the way to richard felon was doing it
i was interested in bernie sandra practice where they represent a priest or labors and and
by home feeling about practices
to treat people equally to know
but principally people equally and not focus on whether the other but focus more on who's practicing and with do what there a bomb
sincerity as in practice
so ah
i was a little short little funny
when zen center
the interesting vendor simpson was a press practice
and richard had array of having everybody relate to him but not relate to each other
and i created as as kind of a hierarchical supremacy in zen center which was
a very powerful but it was powerful in one direction
so the students you know didn't have a lot of contact with each of their he had contact with him but because of was so many students
there were he was people have to wait for maybe twenty years to talk to him
it's time to liquid
yeah and
continue again
from time
that will decide