This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good evening. Buddhism is a human thing. It's something that was, you could say, made up, but maybe discovered by Buddha, a human being, to help us learn how to live our life in a way that creates less suffering instead of more suffering.

[01:05]

I think that's something that we can all aspire to, and we can all want. I think we all do actually want that. Most of the time, without even trying, we want to live our life in a way that creates less suffering instead of more suffering for ourselves and for others. Once in a while, we want to create suffering for somebody. unless you get stuck in a really ugly spot. And then you eventually kind of realize that usually. Most of us, that's not our normal state. We actually would like to have less suffering for ourselves and for others. So this is really the only kind of Buddhism that I know anything about. So just to warn you, that's all I'm talking about. But in this kind of Buddhism, and maybe in all Buddhism, the place to find that out, to learn that, to learn how to do that, is right here.

[02:24]

It's very close to where we are. It's like we can learn what we can learn about that by being as close and present to ourself as we can be. And that is both more simple than we think and more complicated than we think. It's pretty simple, like just being here. In fact, Dogen calls that unsurpassed wisdom if you can be here in this very simple way. What he says unsurpassed wisdom is it's like looking at the moon or flowers and not wishing them to be brighter or more colorful. It's that simple. It's like being, just being open to what's there. There's the moon. It's just the moon, and it's fine.

[03:24]

If it's a full moon or an almost full moon, like tonight's moon looks so close to full, how could it still be three or four days until the full moon? But that's okay. We don't worry about that. It's a beautiful moon. It's not like it should be a little less full if it's going to make it to really be full on the day they said it was going to be full. Mostly, I mean, that did occur to me when I was staying out there with humor, but I didn't really wish it were different. I was just like, oh, really? Or flowers, you know? Once in a while you might wish a flower looked different, but most of the time it's like, it's great, it's a flower. So the trick is to have that kind of attitude... toward yourself. Oh, it's a Leslie. Oh. So that's part of the simple part, having that attitude.

[04:30]

It's like we don't have to create something. We just have to be there for what's there. I said to somebody something about being understanding toward ourself, and she said, I don't understand. I really don't understand. I don't aspire to understanding. And she said, I just want to accept it. That's all. And I thought, yeah, when I say understanding, it's not understanding in the way that we sometimes think of understanding where we could pull it apart and say all the pieces. It's more like acceptance, but with some warmth, you know, some understanding, some warmth toward it, like you would feel toward a flower or the moon. And it's not like learning, like we sometimes think about learning, like I have to figure out how to do this.

[05:31]

It's more like learning how to, like a baby bird learns how to fly, right? Or a child learns how to walk. If you've watched a child learn how to walk, there's like a tremendous amount of effort goes into it. It's like from the time they can barely sit up, they're like trying to stand up. There's like this up energy that happens where you take a hold of their hands and they're standing up. They're hardly big enough to, you know, they can't be worried. Is it okay for their legs to be standing up? There's this like... Stand up, stand up, stand up, energy, and then, you know, toddling away. So it's that kind of, it takes energy, it takes wanting, but it's not exactly figuring it out. It's just being open to it, you know, being curious about it. Who is this being? So that's, you know, getting close to some of the difficulty of it.

[06:35]

One of the difficult things is that we are distracted by other things and people and events. But I think the core of that distraction actually comes back to the other difficult thing, which is that we're afraid that we are not... It comes to us in different ways, but... that this is not enough, or this is not good enough, or somehow to turn our attention to this one is, for a lot of us, is a deeply difficult, frightening thing. So our distraction with other people is often, or other things, is often in the form of shame or blame. It's either, you know, we're afraid, what are they thinking of us?

[07:41]

And is it not, are we not good enough? Or maybe they're to blame. Maybe I could figure out how it's really their fault. So then we get very distracted by the rest of the world. And it's not like, it's not like we can or should or, yeah. it's even a possibility to separate ourselves from the rest of the world it's not that it's just sort of where our we can't separate ourselves from we are actually being created by the rest of the world all the time then the person that shows up here is not some set thing that if I could just figure out who it is then I'd know and there would be that person there would be be this person who I know I am, because that person is constantly changing depending on what's happening. So there's no way to separate ourselves, even though we might try.

[08:46]

But to be looking over there in a way that is mostly an attempt to get away from what might not be an okay place over here is really detrimental to this finding out how to live a life that creates less suffering for ourselves and others so as we and maybe we hear this or maybe we start seeing Zazen for some reason you know different reasons we might start seeing Zazen because we think it would be nice to be enlightened, to be rid of our suffering. Maybe that would be a good way to change what's over here into something better.

[09:47]

So sometimes we do something like meditating or starting to sit zazen, and it tricks us into being more open to what's happening over here. It's kind of like you sit down and maybe you think you're going to count your breath. And maybe you even do, although most people have some trouble with that. But maybe you can count your breath some of the time. Or maybe you can count your breath all the time. Congratulations to you. But even if you can do that, it seeps in sort of what's going on here. How we are creating our suffering now. What kind of thoughts we have, what kind of deeper than thoughts, what kind of contractions we have around ideas and situations and people and what we do with those and how that creates suffering so that knowledge starts to seep in.

[10:53]

That's one way we can start to study the self. look at the self as if we were young birds learning to fly another way is you just go about living your life and enough pain comes up in one way or another that you're actually forced to stop and and wonder what is going on here how do I survive this And that kind of pain can come to us in any number of ways, the kind of pain that we can't get away from, you know, where blaming somebody else really doesn't help. And also blaming ourself is maybe there's already enough pain that when we blame ourself, we notice like, oh, wait, you know, that won't really work.

[11:56]

So then we come back to a place that's very much like Sazen, you know, like step by step i will live my life because i'm not willing to commit suicide you know because i don't know what else to do so when i wake up in the morning i get up and i do the next thing so in you know in a variety of ways we can get to the place where we start to pay attention to what's happening here and how How is it happening? And from there we can actually learn something about how we create suffering and how we could create less of it. Another thing that is...

[13:00]

necessary for us to notice is how we can distract ourselves. Distracting maybe sounds kind of surface-y, but it's a pretty deep distraction that most of us have, which is to believe that there's a different reality. In a way, it's like believe our imagination. Believe that things should be different than they are. And this is a thought that comes very easily to us if we're in some kind of pain. We can easily have anywhere from... a full-blown vision of how it should be to just an uneasy thought that it should be different.

[14:08]

I shouldn't be like this, or the situation shouldn't be like this. That way of perceiving the world is right there. It's very close to us. It's exactly not looking at a moon or a flower and being like... not having an idea of it being brighter or more colorful. Instead, there's this sense of should. And it comes up very easily about ourselves, and therefore very easily about pretty much everything. And it's very hard to get past it about ourselves, to actually be like, no, this is the one. that's here right now. I can remember, you know, I don't know if it was the first time that I thought that, not that I thought that, but that I realized, oh, this thought I'm having, so I was having a yucky feeling of some sort, and this certainty that it was not a good feeling to have.

[15:23]

This is not the feeling I should be having. And then, you know, right after that, there's the question of, well, is it my fault I have this feeling or is it somebody else's fault I have this feeling? But I was right there at the just not, it's not a good one to have when I got it that this actually is the feeling I'm having. Like to think that I shouldn't have this feeling is imaginary. It's like thinking there's another reality. It's right near here somewhere. There's another me that would be better in this situation than the one that's here. And how imaginary that is. Not that there won't be another me, you know, wait a minute, and there will be a slightly different me. But to think that this one shouldn't be is a huge waste of time at the best. And more likely... in addition to suffering. But once we get that, once we can recognize that as a distraction and bring ourselves back to where we are right now, this one that's here right now,

[16:51]

then there is the chance of learning many things. One thing is that it doesn't last. You know, that this me that's here right now keeps changing. It's not always like this. Another thing that we can learn is sort of where this me that's here right now comes from. You know, how it... is coming from everything really how it comes from my past how it comes from what just happened how it just serve the origin of it which may be something that we can say or not but there's some comfort in that some again Understanding meaning warm acceptance.

[17:51]

Like, oh, it didn't just come because I made a big mistake. It didn't just come because that person said that to me. It actually came from so many things that eventually we can see there wasn't any other choice. It came from so many things that this is the only one that could be here right now. And then the next minute that comes, the next me that comes, only comes because this minute was here. So if more freedom comes in the next minute, this one had to be here. This one of not feeling so good and noticing that it didn't feel good and noticing where it came from and then more freedom happening had to have this moment of pain and grasping and and aversion. And from that comes a deeper kind of acceptance, warm acceptance, understanding.

[18:56]

Like, oh, it's all working together. It's all, I can't actually come up with a better world than the one that's here now. I can look at things and say, I really do not like that that's happening. I really feel bad. when that's happening. That kind of suffering that's happening to me or in most of our situations actually to other people, not good. And then we can do things that have an impact on that. This is not saying that we don't do anything. We are in this world. We are in this dependent core rising of everything where we are connected to everything and actually We don't have the option of not doing something. There is no passive option. Not doing something is doing something. That's an action. So we're always doing something.

[19:58]

So if we don't like something, somehow we manifest that. But we don't manifest it with the idea that I know how it should be. I know this is wrong. And I know you're wrong. And we manifested from our standpoint of this really doesn't feel good to me. And with the knowing that there's another standpoint, there are lots of other standpoints. There are lots of other, something's going on in the, many, many things are going on in the creation of this situation, which I need, I want to change. But we can also do that with more understanding, with more warm acceptance. And more acceptance of where it is right now. It is happening right now. Even though I don't want it to be, to just pretend or deny or scream against it happening doesn't really help.

[21:04]

We actually have to be there in this body where it's happening, connected to all of it, and then from there we act. So in that state of mind, I guess it could be called, there's this constant movement that's happening, this constant new arrival of the next moment. There's curiosity and acceptance and pain. There is some pain. But there also is a knowledge of agency, of having an impact, even though we don't know for sure how white it is or...

[22:08]

where it's going to go when it's mixed in with everything else, but still knowing my life actually has an impact. It has to. Yeah, I wanted to stop right there and see if you have anything to ask or add. I find that it is sometimes good to do that because sometimes I say things that might be taken in a way that I didn't actually mean. So it's very helpful if I said anything that makes you question. If you can bring it up. And if not, yes, Cecilia?

[23:09]

Yes. Whatever action you do from that space. Yes. [...] Along with everything else. Did somebody else have a hand over there? Tanya. Usually hope is seen as a positive thing. Yeah. You mentioned some other reality. Yes. I thought that's what often hope does. Yes. It takes us from here into very something else. Yes. Can you think of when hope is actually Yeah, so what you're bringing up is that hope, even though we sometimes think of it as a positive thing, is also a very negative thing because it's kind of denial or... Yeah, a distraction or something.

[24:40]

So I think... I guess it could be called hope. To me, it's more like the knowledge that things are changing. Things are not stuck. Even though when we look at ourselves and our habits, or we look at somebody else who's giving us, you know, who we don't like how they are or something, and we get this feeling like it's so stuck. It's so that way. You know, how can I get my husband to do this differently? He's been doing it now for how many years, you know? But nothing is actually stagnant. Everything is moving. It may not be moving at the pace that you want it to. It may not even be moving in the direction that you want it to. And that's one of the questions, you know, am I actually making it more stuck by nagging him about it? So it's kind of like hope, that knowledge, that confidence, certainty that if you watch, that things are changing.

[25:51]

Of course, you know, also in there is death. When you know that, that's, you know, and then is that a positive thing? Maybe. Yes. Repentance and? Remorse. Living in each moment and its relation to repentance and remorse. Well, I think living in each moment is hard, and I don't know that we know how to do it. I don't think that's actually something that most of us can make ourselves do, but the possibility of being more present in more moments, I think, comes along with this lifestyle and with any kind of meditation and other kinds of practices, too, so that somehow it's like we settle, like our mind somehow settles into our body and can stay here.

[27:09]

So to the extent that we can do that, I think that we can see that There are plenty of times when we create more suffering for ourselves and for others. We have such habits of protection of an idea of ourself that our habits happen. We create suffering. And then we might feel remorse. Like, oh, I'm sorry I did that. And I think that's okay to be sorry that we created more suffering, but to regret it is kind of like stretching it out over time, like I wish it hadn't happened. And that, again, is a waste of time at best and a distraction from what's happening now, for sure. And sometimes when we beat up on ourselves in that way, we also...

[28:13]

Again, for one thing, we're not noticing how that might have been necessary to make the next moment happen, where maybe our regret, our remorse, our repentance, actually makes us a little freer from that habit. Does that? And sometimes it is very, very worthwhile to say, if you're sorry that you hurt someone, to actually say to them, I'm sorry. And in our protective mode, of course, that feels like, oh, I'm giving up, I'm giving them power and knowledge, you know, that I did something wrong. But it doesn't really work like that, you know. Rarely does it work like that. If you actually say, I'm sorry that I hurt you, it's not like they go, ha! Ow, I'm going to use that against you. Most people, not really. They're like... Oh, yeah, I'm sorry. I heard you back. Anything else?

[29:18]

Yes. Anya. Anya. Does all suffering come from that thing? Because you're saying how, like, when you, like, if you kind of go into, like, this separate world of what's happening, like, and you're just that, like, all this, a lot of suffering function. But, like, what... Well, it may be grasping, but if it's grasping, some of it is so subtle, I don't think we're going to get away from it while we're alive. Maybe. Maybe Buddha did. But there's a kind... Just having a body means... It's like there's a flower, right, and a flower is beautiful, but then a flower gets old, and then a flower is not so beautiful anymore.

[30:19]

And when we have, I mean, not being beautiful anymore is painful, it's true, but even more than that, it's like as your muscles get old or you've got a body and a truck comes along and runs over you, It's pretty hard not to have pain with that. And in a way, as humans, we have this sense of self that gets run over by various trucks regularly. It's like I have a sense that I'm a calm person, and then along comes somebody doesn't show up for the stage or something, and then I'm not that. My sense of myself was just run over, and it hurts. That's the one that we have the most possibility of actually getting over. And once we're okay with anxiety arises, fine.

[31:21]

Just be here with the anxiety for a little bit. I don't actually have to do anything with it. And it's okay that this person feels some anxiety, but I don't have to blame anybody. Then that doesn't, if there's still some pain in the anxiety, but it's way less than the pain that comes with, I shouldn't be this way, and they shouldn't be this way, and we should make everybody get there on time for the stage or something. So I think there is some pain or suffering pain, I would say, connected with just being alive, like an amoeba that's scooching along You know, if it comes up to a sharp thing, it usually, like, backs up and goes the other way. I think that's related with some kind of unpleasant feeling. Maybe pain. But then the amoeba doesn't worry about, did that look okay to everybody?

[32:23]

Does that meet what you were asking? Okay, we have to stop. Thank you so much for being here. I had a poem. I'll tell you about that next time, maybe. Thank you all very much. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered free of charge, and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click Giving.

[33:01]

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