This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning. In many things, it takes a lot of work simple takes a lot of determined skillful effort to be nothing special it's a curious notion And Mary Oliver, of all people, said this, though I'm not ready, I am willing.

[01:05]

Who'd have thought it? The shoe-sew of the keep. I've placed one word next to another to build something full of praise. I've admired the hummingbird dazzling among the lilies. Also the tooth of the otter, the compost pile, the first star in the evening sky. Though I'm not ready, I'm simmering. And certainly and easily I can see how God might be one rosebud, one white feather on a heron's enormous slowly opening wing. After that, it gets difficult. I'm not ready I'm willing or for you is it I'm ready but I'm not willing yeah there's a well-worn Zen saying that just says this very mind is Buddha

[02:37]

This very being is where the vitality, the activity of life is happening. When you find yourself where you are. Or as Kadagiri Roshi would say, settle the self on the self and let the flower of your life bloom. you ready or willing so this is investigation we've experienced the intricacies of cultivation uprightness breath attending continuous concentration

[03:38]

our continuous attention and contact. We've explored be present without expectation, without prejudice. And both practices are endless. And the interplay of the two is endless. It's something simple. What is it to just be here? What is that dropping down into simple full-hearted commitment that Anna Swear so wonderfully presents without any logic or any conclusion great humility great purity I don't know if it's joy or sadness

[05:02]

What is it to get to know yourself well enough to get to know how to accommodate your way of being? You need to wait until you're an arahant and have extinguished the root of all desire and aversion. And in that serenity, sigh with relief and full willingness and readiness. What is it to let go of those treasures? Those fantasies or yearnings. that are like your best friend always nearby to nurture you investigation

[06:38]

What is that settling of being? What is that willingness? What is it to walk from the zendo to your cabin, but not know where you're going? To not even know who it is that's going. What is it to quicken some deep sobriety that's just not buying all the intoxicating stories and emotions and the worlds they insist are completely real?

[07:42]

What is that deep sanity that says this amazing human existence is a limited opportunity. So varied, always so dynamic. conjures up countless, endless ways of being. And amazingly, right now, it can be savored. This is investigation. not to save us from our inadequacies not to fulfill our yearning not to protect us from the unpredictable but just the outrageous act of being alive

[09:17]

So like this, we enter the heart of Shishin. Like this, we enter the heart of the life we're living. Like this, we be the me. It seems so incredibly provocative in terms of what's happening in the moment. And like this, we look for clues. Hmm. Is that it? Walk from the center to my cabin, as Ayakama says, being nowhere, being nobody, going nowhere. Is that it?

[10:35]

that turn into something what is it to see the world three-dimensionally not just as some flat screen but that it actually has depth and width that you're in the middle of a dynamic three-dimensional existence What is it to let the shadow of the early morning sun be the whole story? What is it to track the consciousness of early morning being after a morning of practice?

[11:50]

Track it through in the middle of the day and discover what it becomes by early afternoon. And it's worse as humbling, as in humus, as in of the earth. as in grounding. What can we trust if not the very physicality of being? Where can we find our relationship to it if not in allowing and releasing? with each breath this is investigation it invites us it asks of us don't settle

[13:22]

for conclusions. Don't settle for fixed ideas and judgments. Existence is way too amazing to fit in such side small boxes like that. So in the factors of awakening open awareness. sure if I'm ready I'm not sure if I'm willing but I'll take a look I'll do some window shopping and and then this investigation this exploration what is this world that I have been assuming I know

[14:27]

What is this self I've been assuming I know? And then the next two factors are energy and joy, which I talked a little bit about already. That quickening of availability to what's happening. That discovering that an investigation is more of an adventure than a demand.

[15:32]

when investigation is more of an exploration than compliance there's a way in which the energy of being is allowed to come forth is allowed to vibrate to notice when we're engrossed either in what we're mourning that isn't happening, or yearning for what we want to have happen, or what should happen, that something heavy and contracted is going on. When there's some permission, when there's some appreciation,

[16:33]

some savoring of what is happening. Something's released. It's more energized. It's not that we make it energized. It is energized. We get to participate. Except we just don't get to take the me with us. experiential learning this experiential discovery and then we can bring it into the realm of cultivation and explore the difference between diligent attention to body and breath that isn't burdensome

[17:39]

would rather nourish it. What is that inhale that nourishes the body? What's that subtle release and opening that allows the inhale to be act of humility and joy what is the exhale that allows renunciation not to be the scariest notion you ever heard and you're not ready for To just simply accept what is.

[18:41]

With great sobriety and great sanity. Thinking of the ceremonies we've done in the last days. ending of human lives. Is what we're holding on to really that great? Is it worth all the effort? Is it really working that well?

[19:42]

What is the exhale that has liberation? So investigation invites energy. It makes evident alchemy of energetic being. And the joy is there just as the energy is. those happenstance moments where we fall into presence not because through our skillful contrivance we've manufactured what it was we wanted to have happen but almost always because in a way

[21:21]

We forgot the self. Either because the moment charmed us or just in the simplicity of being. We stopped staying so busy. And in that readiness, discovering willingness. And how it has its own joy. Sometimes we can grasp it

[22:25]

and make it my joy. Jazz it up a little. And sometimes just nothing special. Nothing extra is required. our zazen on the cushion and off the cushion become invitational to such moments and as I was saying yesterday or the day before sometime it's not like this happens in a pristine realm of existence. It happens in the midst of the flurries and dramas of your being.

[23:39]

Maybe we could say, initially, the flurries and dramas of being are punctuated with these moments. And then very interestingly, it's hard to know exactly what's over in the category of flurry and drama and what's over in the category of self settled on the self and the flower of life blooming. They start to intertwine. The investigation of the self takes on a new dimension. The process of becoming enamored with what arises.

[24:54]

Is that so? We see the thought pattern and we recognize it both as an ancient story and as the virtuoso act of this moment. Of all the things I could have brought forth, here it is. like a large white feather on the heron's wing, like the single rosebud, or like the nagging thing I'm inclined to think about, even though it has a poignancy.

[26:06]

that makes me contract and even the quivering of our own contraction is Buddha is the arising of the moment. So our inquiry becomes instructive. It loosens our grip on what should be and what should not be.

[27:18]

It loosens our grip on the fixed habituation of being emotionally, cognitively, but even on the patterns of being. It's instructive on presence. It teaches us the practice of not knowing. It teaches us the practice of savoring and being nourished. without grasping it. We receive the gift, but we don't take ownership.

[28:21]

And we study the quickening the enlivening of being. And we study the contracting and pushing down of being. Because that will still arise too. And when it does, so be it. Sometimes a white feather, sometimes a black feather. So be it. We both enter fully into being the conditioned existence we are and we invite it.

[29:37]

into awakening. And we watch the play. to let the continuing drama of your being undermine, distract, discredit this awakening activity. find out for yourself why, century after century, this very mind, this Buddha, has stayed in the foreground of Zen consciousness.

[30:58]

To take a lesson from Anna Swer, who allows Humility, joy, sadness, not knowing, gratitude. All the pour forth. And where's the problem? So what? I don't know exactly what's happening. Or why I'm crying. Or laughing. entrusting our life to this and investigating the curious way

[32:12]

in which even when we think, sounds good, I'm going to give it a shot. And why not? Still, we earn our own trust. Still, we check out letting go. We check out renunciation. Okay, I'll let it go a little bit, but I'll keep it very close just in case things don't work out as well as I'm hoping. We earn our trust because it's a learning.

[33:14]

by doing it's realizing by experiencing delightful think abstract thinking in the corners of our mind or just that abstract thinking in the corners of our mind this is about what I'm trying to say is how do you put your whole being forward into presence. What is that? What is it to sit in the body of whole being? What is it to sit with the breath of whole being? What is it to do the simple of the activities of the day As if each one is the most important thing.

[34:19]

Is it some determined action? That's not what the sutras say. That's not what the teachings say. It's a letting down into. It's an allowing. And the joy is there. And the next factor is tranquility. is a better word. When we stop struggling, it's like, oh, okay.

[35:36]

That's a relief. It's like when the bell rings. Before you even uncross your tired and sore knees, just ah. When we let time into the moment, soak up something that we're thirsting for some way of being that brought us here in search of it it's nothing to do with getting what we want

[37:01]

It's about realizing what we've always been part of. So as we enter into Sashin, these explorations start to become more available. something in our diligent effort has ripened us, quickened our availability. And hopefully,

[38:10]

saved us from the burden of trying to understand it or predict it or get it right. Great humility fills me. Great purity fills me. I don't know. I don't know whether this is joy or sadness. I don't understand what I feel. I'm crying, I'm crying. It's humility as if I were dead. Gratitude, I thank you. My fate. How beautiful my life. Maybe being righteous, Zen people, we would say life.

[39:24]

How beautiful life. But when it comes down to it, call it anything you like. Life, my life, the blessed. matter the vibrant engagement so I would say please investigate don't settle simple answer being able to kind my breath from one to ten is what it's all about mmm well from the point of view that everything is the most important thing yes that's correct from the point of view of a more literal response counting your breath from one to ten is an aid

[40:49]

to help sustain presence and awareness. It's not a goal in itself. Study what is the effort that engages the technique but invites awareness of whatever arises? What's the balance between exacting effort and opening acceptance of whatever arises? This in itself is a koan. This in itself is a careful investigation.

[41:51]

On the cushion, we give ourselves to the great mystery of being. And it ripens us for the great mystery of all being. That quite literally sustains our life. The basics don't change. The core, the steady heartbeat of your practice, the attention, the posture, the breath, the noticing, the acknowledging, the contact, the experiencing.

[43:09]

being a basis that invites attending, this kind of inquiry, curiosity, that loosens up the fixed ideas and the fixed habits of body and emotion and mind. Explore giving fully, becoming the moment. Just like that. Thank you. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered free of charge and this is made possible by the donations we receive.

[44:24]

Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit SSCC.org and click Giving.

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