This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. It's a little strange this time to come in after Sashin started. Um... when we drove in and you were all in a circle that was lovely to see you and just didn't make it for the I mean we did the three bows in the car with everybody so but here we are strange or not strange we are all here where our bodies are I wanted to welcome the regular kitchen crew to the Sashin.

[01:01]

I look forward to just having you here with us the whole time, which is lovely. Usually you can't be participating in that way. And I also want to thank all of you who are being the kitchen crew for the Sashin and feeding us and kind of doing this kind of Sashin. Some of you do it... early in their Soto Zen practice. Usually Tangario students are not in the kitchen the first practice period, but everything is always not usual. There is actually no usual. We just think there is. But it's always full of varieties and adaption. And that is basically because nothing at all is fixed in any way. So, it says, you know, Linda gave a talk where she talked about awake, awake, fleeting, life is fleeting, don't waste your time.

[02:20]

And then in the Fugansa Senghi it says, the fame of Buddha's six, even though he had inborn knowledge and wisdom, the fame, you know, he was sitting six years. And Bodhidharma was sitting nine years facing the wall. So how do we dispense of negotiation of the way? So what we're doing in the Sesshin, and actually in all our activities, if we are really practicing, while we're doing what we're doing, is negotiating the way. It's a negotiation of the way. So we have another opportunity to do this in a kind of really focused, supported, contained way. Whether we sit in the zendo or whether we work in the kitchen, it's a sesshin. And it's different and it's the same. It has a different schedule, it looks different, it smells different, it uses your body in different ways, and it is the same.

[03:33]

It's the same activity that we're doing here. And if we keep that in mind, that is what Suzuki Roshi calls see things as it is. So there are all these things but it is one way that there is a backdrop of sameness out of which actually all these myriad manifestations arise or are based on or rooted in if you want and then so that's the backdrop and then there are all these things that seemingly are very different and are different. We don't use scissors like we use a hammer. We don't use knives like we use a spoon. And that's in some ways also how it would be really helpful if we would start relating to ourselves in various ways rather than always in the same way.

[04:46]

So So coming in this time, I find that there's a lot of uncertainty in my body, in my feelings, in my mind, and I didn't know that was so. I arrived here, and this is what's arising. I'm walking, and I feel my body's just uncertain. My feelings are uncertain. My mind, if I let it be, is actually okay. If I pay attention and am forgetful and then pay attention, it's running around trying to find explanation why that is. And of course it can come up with a lot of really good stories. But they don't actually... They're only helpful if they let me...

[05:49]

relax in what is and help me meet what is. If they go like, oh, maybe this is the beginning of my dementia following my concussion, then I get very nervous. My whole body gets nervous, my heart starts going faster, and I can't go to sleep. And even maybe that's so, it doesn't help if I put that story on top of what's happening, because actually I don't know. So, can we actually come back? Because I want you to really keep your body, this body, this unique, body you've been given that is the manifestation of your life, and you can't give it away.

[06:53]

I mean, you can kill yourself, but then you also don't live anymore. That's not quite the option I'm suggesting. Because it's a unique gift, it's here because it needs to be here. Everything that arises, arises for, because all the circumstances help it arise. And we don't quite understand why I'm here exactly in that way with that body and with this history and these stories I'm telling myself and the stories people tell me about myself. It's all still a mystery on some level, but it's happening. So can we negotiate the way? Can we? And how Buddha negotiated the way according to Dogen and how Bodhidharma negotiated the way was by sitting still.

[08:01]

And so I want us to really use that time. And you can be still while you chop carrots. If you're in your body feeling the chopping, or the peeling of onions, or the tears running down your face because you're chopping onions, or there's a stillness there. There's something just living, continuing to live, continuing to breathe, continuing to change. So can we really... Stay in touch. So Leslie yesterday in her talk said stay. Just stay. And it was lovely the way she said it because I wasn't here but I know what she said. Supernatural powers. But don't get attached to it. The way she said stay and like to a young dog you say stay and then you

[09:09]

go away and look around, walking around, say, come back, stay. We're in stay mode. So with that kind of mind, can you keep reconnecting to body because it's the manifestation of your life. It's the vehicle of your life. It's what ultimately will wake up. you're waking up in your body, you're not waking up away from your body. And it's the anchor and it's a wonderful instrument because everything that's going through your mind or is happening in your feelings or is kind of coming in through its sense doors is registering in your body and your body is responding all the time to all these inputs of who of which we only know a very, very narrow, small, little piece.

[10:12]

A lot of inputs are processed and responded to in the body that we have no idea about. Blood pressure and, I mean, sometimes we know when we think certain thoughts, blood pressure goes up, but regulation, digestion, hormonal responses, they all happen, breathing, adjusting, heart rate adjusting happen without us knowing, without us being, oh, what should I do now with my heart and what should I do now with my intestines? It's happening, but there's the other parts that where we are aware, we can engage our body as our ally and helper because it helps us. So I would like you... to remember, all of us, to remember to go back to the basics. Because it's the basic fact is we're here in this manifestation.

[11:12]

And that's the only unique, individual and precious life we have. And it will only last this lifespan. If we come back, if we have the luck to come back as a human, it will be a different body. It won't be this one. We can't do it over with this one. So it's unique and it's precious and it's here now. So can we go back and touch base with it? Keep touching base with it. The posture, find your most upright and relaxed posture of the moment. The stillness, not moving. You can notice when your thoughts carry you away, usually your mudra starts going like this.

[12:22]

Your thumbs often go up. Or there's tension in your body. So when you notice, I've been carrying on in my head in a discussion that's not really happening, just check in your body and see which parts are actually participating in that, or your shoulders going up, or your neck coming in, or your chin coming forward, I'm going to tell you. You can really look, and then you can go back to finding your posture that is relaxed. Or if you're dreaming, suddenly your mudra kind of falls apart, you know, kind of, and you start slumping. Or if you are really intent on something, you might be leaning forward. In the Abbotts group meeting, we had on, when was that? Before yesterday. When I was saying something, I noticed each time I said something, afterwards I noticed I'd been leaning forward.

[13:25]

And then after I finished talking, I would sit back up. And Reb was kind of opposite me. And I noticed that it felt to me that he was really, I don't know, looking at me, observing me, and I thought, I have to ask him what he was doing. Was he really looking what I was doing? And what did he see? So I'm going to ask him for feedback if he remembers by the time I get to ask him. But it was really interesting. I was sitting, listening, and each time I was talking, Without me noticing, my body was kind of on the chair, kind of leaning more forward. And then I would notice, but only after I'd done with talking. So these are the things we can really start paying attention in a very kind way. It's not in a judgmental way. You go, oh, look at that, you know, and come back. Or look at that. I'm all tense because I've been thinking about that or worrying about that or... or sad about that.

[14:27]

So if we engage the body, it will always be on our side. It will prefer to be upright because that allows all the organs to work better. It will be your ally in being relaxed because everything functions better than when it's tense. So we can really engage it. and also to leave all the sense doors open. So let sounds be sound. So they can help you be here. If you just listen to the cacophony of sounds or the symphony of sounds without going, oh, this is this and this is this and this is this and why is this happening now and why is the bell not happening and why is this happening?

[15:30]

Without that, that helps actually to tune into the unmoving quality that runs through the universe. There's something still and unmoving that's always there. And it's particularly also when we sit in the Zendo, if you occasionally just tune into the stillness that's in this room, takes you out of yourself, out of that self-observing and connects you to that stillness that runs through everything. It's incredibly supportive. It's like you can really rest in that stillness. It's beautifully still in here. and it's here right now.

[16:33]

Tune into your breath and let it happen and rest with it, in it. also interesting, our body tells us, you know, one of the last talks I talked about, the Buddha's second talk where he says, don't make things into I, this is I, this is myself, this is mine, or this is you, this is yourself, that's yours, actually it's the same thing. that our body will tell us when we do that. And we can become curious about when we notice attention, what went on in our, what did I identify with? Or what experience did I make into a definition about myself?

[17:53]

So here is sorrow arising, for example, or grief. And Can this being just appreciate the experience of grief and show up for the experience of grief as it is experienced without making it a definition, I am a very sad being? Or the experience of upset. Can I can this being be curious about how do I know that this is upset? How is upset? How is the experience of upset? And how does my body express that?

[18:55]

Because when we can let this be as it is, things as it is, each thing as it is, we follow the instruction that's in this Sandokai in the Harmony of Difference and Equality. where it says, don't make up standards on your own. The self-involved part is always making up standards. It's always standardizing everything and qualifying everything and measuring everything and comparing everything and judging everything. That's just part of that notion of self. And so there is... Where do I have that? I didn't bring it.

[20:28]

It says it somewhere very nicely. I can't find it. Oh, yes, here it is. Nagarjuna says, the mind that fully sees into the uncertain world of birth and death is called the thought of enlightenment. So the mind-body, I would say, that fully understands, fully experiences, fully knows, not just intellectually, the uncertain, the continuously changing, the untrustworthy in terms of stability, world of birth and death, which is the world we're in with this body. That's what we're having as a backdrop or underlying all our experiences is highlighted by what's happening to Steve Stuckey.

[21:35]

And when I'm entering the abbot's cabin, there he is surrounded by Suzuki Roshi, Katagiri Roshi, Bodhidharma, and the Buddha statue. And they all were... manifested in a body and they all died. Even enlightened Buddha died. And we are all going to die. So we are living in that world of birth and death. So the mind that fully knows that is the only mind that can actually see things as it is, can see all those manifestations. on the background of the same ultimately empty and therefore so capable of all this diversity because it is empty of fixed thing.

[22:39]

That's why all this stuff can happen. So emptiness is not nothing. Emptiness is where It's like before thing, but it's out of which thing comes and things. So, the mind that fully sees into the uncertain world of birth and death is called the thought of enlightenment. When we fully understand the discontinuity of the continuously changing nature of the world, of phenomena, of birth and death, the notion of self, with all that entails, nor ideas of name and gain do not arise.

[23:45]

When we fully understand the discontinuity, the continuously changing nature of the world of phenomena, of discontinuity of birth and death, the notion of self with all that it entails does not arise. Yes. Yes. Say it again. Are you saying discontinuity or discontinuity? No, discontinuity. It's not continuous. It's always changing. Thank you. If you have a question about my pronunciation and it's unclear, please do say something. I talked once about a poem, The Warriors, and everybody thought the ones that worry, but I meant the ones that are... Warriors? I don't know. Warriors? See, I already still have a problem with that.

[24:47]

But only afterwards somebody said something. So some people felt like it was really good to worry all the time. Because that's what the poem was saying. Which was totally not what the poem was saying. Thank you. And that's what we have an opportunity again. And I also would like to encourage us to remember the initial, the energy that made you come here or stay here for this practice period. There was something that compelled you. And to kind of touch back to that. It may not come with the same sentences and reasons. energetically it's there. And you can tap back into that and use it to help you really not waste your time.

[25:49]

And the way to do that is I want to read to you a poem by Rilke. And it is from a book that is called In Celebration of You. And I read it first in German. I couldn't find a translation, so I tried myself. Aus dem Buch dir zur Feier Ich muss im Fernen nicht im Fremden gehen I don't have to be afraid. I can't happen, since I understand how everything loves me. I learned that I and only we know. With the loved one I was two.

[26:57]

And from us both into the world and over all the beings grew. Und weil wir alles sind, sind wir allein. I do not have to walk in estrangement in foreign lands and do not have to be afraid. Nothing can happen to me since I understand how everything is loving me. I have unlearned the I and now know only we. With the lover I became two and from the two of us into the world and beyond all being grew the we. And because we are everything, we are alone. I have unlearned the I and now know only we.

[28:06]

With the lover I became two. And from the two of us into the world and beyond all being grew the we. And because we are everything, we are alone. So I took, yes? Alone. Yes. we are everything, we are also alone. I choose this because I have unlearned the I. And that's exactly what this practice is about, to unlearn that notion of I that separates us. And it happens through love. So it's a the capacity, we're learning actually the capacity of unconditional love.

[29:13]

And that reminds me of a Hafez poem which is called And Love Says, and it goes like this, and love says, I will, I will take care of you to everything that is near. It's the capacity to take care to care for to care about everything that is near so when we sit and an experience comes up a pain, a sorrow physical, mental, emotional a joy can we love it unconditionally not about what does this say about me, or do I like this, or do I not want this? But here it is. What does it need?

[30:15]

What does it mean to take care, to care for this? To pay attention to this, to be available to just this. So that's what we're training in. That's what this whole practice is about. In the Metta Sutta it says like a mother watching over her child, suffusing love over the entire world above, below, around, without limit. So that capacity to unconditionally, not based on my conditions, would you please be the way I want you? Or would you please not be that, you know, the way somebody else wants you? That kind of, as long as we have this I, mine, myself, which is a little strange maybe, but as long as everything we experience is always, we think is always telling us something about me.

[31:27]

and is happening to me, then we kind of get confused. If we are interested in it, rather than what we think it is and then what we think it tells us, or what is a different way of being, and it's a very open, non-judgmental, receptive, curious, kind and still way of being. It needs a certain composure and stillness to be able to start seeing what actually is and how it is in this moment. And also then we understand it's actually like that this moment and then it's slightly different the next moment, and then it's radically different maybe the next moment? We don't know. And are we becoming curious to just this moment?

[32:35]

Because they're all incredibly full of life. So Rilke also says, Only someone who is ready for everything, who doesn't exclude any experience, even the most incomprehensible, will live the relationship with another person as something alive and will himself sound the depths of his own being. So this applies also to ourselves. I find if we say, you know... If we are ready for all our experiences, whatever they are, even the most incomprehensible ones, we will live this life of this being with its full capacity.

[33:43]

It will be lived fully and we will become fully human and fully alive and fully awake, as Pema Churkin says. says it. So, you know, Suzuki Roshi says something like, I know that I will die. I don't want to die, but I will die. I know that I will die a Buddha. I may die, be a Buddha in agony, or I may be a Buddha in bliss. But however I die, I will know how it is. When I die, I will know how it is.

[34:44]

So I have to find it. It's not exactly how he said it, but it's also expressing that To know how it is, the way it is, things as it is, is the liberating factor. And then life is always full and your Buddha, whether it's in agony or whether it's in bliss, it doesn't really matter. There's something about the quality of touching reality that is what they're all talking about, and that we get a chance to practice over and over, every moment. If you miss it, don't worry about it. The next moment is ready. Dharma gates are boundless. Don't set the goal and then beat you up. Just relax, and here comes the next moment, and here comes the next moment, and the moments will come till your last breath.

[35:52]

It's never too late. So that's very encouraging. Just here it is, here it is, here it is. It's wonderful. And we have an opportunity for seven days to be more supported in that. Here comes the bell, next sazen, here comes. And when you go out in nature, take that with you and use your body. Your body is always here now. It's not yesterday and it's not tomorrow. Your body is here moment by moment. It's your ticket. And it always stays with you. You can't lose it. When you die, it won't be here. But after you die, it will totally be here while you die. And it will help you completely be in the moment. But in the meantime,

[36:55]

We're dying moment by moment because the moment that's here dies to make space for the next moment. Otherwise, we will be sitting here for the rest of our time. Can you imagine that? You know, that's the alternative. That's what we kind of imagine as self. It would be like we're staying here in these positions for eternity. No food, nothing, nothing. No sleep, no, no, just here. No waving away of flies. Okay, does anybody... I think that's enough for today. We do not have... I do not have to walk in estrangement in foreign lands and do not have to be afraid.

[38:04]

Nothing can happen to me since I understand how everything is loving me. I have unlearned the I and now know only we. With the lover I became two. And from the two of us into the world and beyond all being grew the we. And because we are everything, we are alone. And because we are alone, we are everything. So the 10,000 things that come forward and affirm us is how we are alone. Okay, any questions or comments? Oh, yes, Michael.

[39:14]

What I hear, I don't remember from past lives what it is that brought me here. The teachings say the consciousness, the awakeness, the karmic consciousness or the awakeness is what is... a stream that leaves this form and is participating in the void to create a new form. You know, that's something I actually have, I'm grappling with, too, because, you know, in the Christian tradition, that would be called a soul.

[40:55]

And in the Buddhist tradition, that's kind of, no, no, there's no soul. But there's reincarnation, so then we have a big conundrum. What is it that reincarnates? What is it that, and I think, I don't know I do have a sense that there is you know actually also it's very interesting then Buddhism talks about the Bodhisattva vow and you die and the vow is you are reborn to help other beings so then the vow is continuing so maybe you could say the vow is the soul And it's either a liberated vow or it's the vow out of habits of desire. That's the karmic vow.

[41:56]

So then I would say, well, depending on how you look at soul, it could be called soul. There are also different ways of looking at soul. One is there's one soul and you either make it or don't make it. And then there is the other Christian tradition that... What was his name? No, no. The person that wrote about evolution and that there is a cosmic Christ and that all matter is actually moving into becoming consciousness. Thayer de Sharda, yes. Which is the soul. And also in the anthroposophic Christian theology, the soul kind of keeps being reincarnated to grow, to each time become more conscious, more human, more awake.

[43:07]

So, maybe when you come back, if you tell us... suffering that seems to be associated with this caste system was mainly revolving around this belief that reincarnation and how it caused an effect. And it seemed that the beauty of what, one of the beauties of what Buddha brought was that it was not this literal reincarnation. that there was just putting something back into the possible stream of consciousness that wasn't recollecting the elements to create another Michael somewhere in Argentina in 10 years or 100 years.

[44:21]

It was more matter than if we should pack the back of the stream of blacks so that you wouldn't have this kind of thought of, well, I'm untouchable. or, well, I'm a wealthy landowner, so therefore I go to bed with a person. It wasn't that direct connection. It was actually a segregated thing, or a universal thing. Yes, and Buddha remembers all former lives, so there is something that remembers too. It's very interesting, even though it doesn't manifest. And there are all these stories about his former life forms until he became a Buddha. Yes. Yeah, I think it's... For me, it doesn't really matter so much. I find if the only thing that we... If we can learn to be fully present for what's happening, then if something is happening after this body falls away, we have learned to be fully present.

[45:22]

Because that's not just a physical thing. That is... We learn it in this physical body, but that's also a mental consciousness attitude, an openness or a closeness of our mind, or in which part of the mind consciousness resides. So if we are learning to welcome every experience, then if there is one after we die, after this body has deceased, that capacity will be there. And that's all we need. That's my... Because nobody can tell us exactly... I mean, in the Tibetan Book of the Dead, they tell you what's happening. Yes, so... Anyway...

[46:24]

I think for me it's how we live now is what will happen if there is an after is part of what happens after. That's why now is so important. but that's that's yes but that's for me that is really going right back to I mind myself that I mean the human race is the most is the only

[47:34]

humans are the only beings that are capable of atrocities, of unspeakable atrocities, and that has something to do with that capacity of us to create ideas and make them so fixed that we can entice a whole nation to follow those ideas and commit atrocities to other human beings. And so that's what this whole practice is about, to look at that and see if we can let go of that delusion. It's a delusion, but it's a very powerful delusion. And it's part of being a human. And so Suzuki Roshi, Can I read to you something from Suzuki Roshi? Because it relates to that. Buddhism does not treat human beings as a special category.

[49:00]

It is deluded and egotistical to put human beings into a special category. Yet, it is normal for humans to think that way, not reflecting within, but seeking some truth outside themselves. When you look for the truth outside, it means the background is not big enough. You need to find some confidence within yourself. The Sandokai says here, And this is the chapter, the part he says, Each of the myriad things has its merit, expressed according to function and place. Phenomena exist like box and lid joining, principle accords like air points meeting. So the Sandokai says here that all beings have their own virtue or merit.

[50:03]

As human beings, we have our own nature. Only when we live like human beings who have a selfish human nature. So that notion of self comes with being a human. Are we following the truth in its greater sense? then we are taking our nature into account. So Sylvia Borstein once said, it doesn't matter what state your mind is in. It doesn't matter. What matters is that you know it. It doesn't matter if you're enraged, if you hate, if you love, you have to know what it is because then you have a chance to actually make a deliberate decision on your action, otherwise it just will drive your actions. So he says we have to know that selfishness is part of human nature.

[51:08]

So we should live like human beings in this world. We should not try to live like cats and dogs who have more freedom and are less selfish. Human beings should be put into a cage, a big invisible cage like religion or morality. Dogs and cats have no such special cage. They don't need any teaching or religion. But we human beings need religion or teaching or waking up. We human beings should say, excuse me, but dogs and cats don't need to. So we should always apologize. I like that. So we human beings should follow our way and dogs and cats should follow their way. This is how the truth applies to everything. So we have a great opportunity and you gave yourself, each of you gave yourself the gift of this opportunity in this practice period.

[52:18]

And that's what creates the support for that we are creating for each other throughout this time. And it's really tangible and wonderful. So thank you all very, very much. And it's time to go, I think, because otherwise our outside time will just disappear. Did I lose my watch? I lost my watch. Yeah, time to go. Okay. Are you okay with stopping? Yes. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered free of charge, and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click Giving.

[53:15]

@Transcribed_UNK
@Text_v005
@Score_96.97