This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. In one of the Suzuki Roshi's talks, he used the phrase, be the boss of everything. Whatever you're doing, have this kind of authoritative relationship to it. Did you put your hand up, Cecilia?

[01:02]

No. Okay. I thought maybe you couldn't hear something. In some ways, our usual mind is our diligent effort to be the boss of everything and shape it to our liking with a sort of magical incantation of our desire and aversion with this notion that that will actually change things the way we want them to be. And despite all the evidence to the contrary, we persist. Maybe this time it'll work. If I get annoyed enough, that will change.

[02:03]

The process of practice to be undone, to see that habituated mental behavioral way of being to see it and in a kindly and patient way help it to undo. Then there's a different kind of relatedness possible or available. How do we get to that? You know, this is an interesting point in our practice period. I suspect, maybe incorrectly, that every one of us has had an experience in service where we're chanting, a thought occurs, swallows us up like a great monster.

[03:25]

And then spits us out a few moments later. But in between, we were still chanting. How miraculous. It's something, some mysterious, wonderful process happens in our constant exposure to the particulars of our practice. It... taken in so thoroughly that it engages beyond deliberate involvement. And then as we settle, as we engage more thoroughly, more intimately, more completely in our practice, how to let that be an ally?

[04:29]

Part of what helps us to stay close, to stay in contact with the array of experiences we're having. All of those moments of diligence and dedication. And the wonderful and terrible thing about awareness is we know that most of them had maybe the opposite or maybe some qualification to their diligence and dedication. But still, the diligence and dedication is there. Opening to an intimacy. And that intimacy continues is learned.

[05:31]

Vrida consciousness, the learning of direct experience that goes beyond the perceptions, the conclusions, the conceptions of mind. And now we come to, you know, the third Shashin. And always, you know, as we face our life each moment, a particular mental state, a particular interaction with another human being.

[06:38]

This moment of possibility, this moment of engagement. How will it be engaged? Last night, during the final period, I offered the notion of a certain kind of deliberateness, a steadiness. Maybe having the quality of a little slower than usual, a little more deliberate. Giving each thing the time it needs. this topsy-turvy world of relatedness in which giving over is close to being the boss of the moment with the boss of the moment by letting the moment be what it already is then we're in harmony in resonance

[08:07]

with the activity that's happening. But any admonition can start to seem and feel like a prescription. Oh, that's what I should be doing. I should be deliberate, slower, giving each thing the time it needs. No wonder I've been getting into trouble. I've been doing it all wrong. Maybe your mind rebelled immediately. Well, that's what you say. How can the admonition that comes from someone else's mind

[09:10]

from our own mind or our own heart how can it not be received as an imposition something telling us that what's happening is not what is what's happening is the hindrance to what is So in some ways, in the last sushin, we come back to before where we started in the practice period. I think we have a greater appreciation and respect for the fundamentals of practice. Now that we have more capacity to contact and be aware of what's happening in our being, the mystery and the magic of its appearances is a little more evident.

[10:37]

When I was sitting over in the cabin, thinking about what to say, and I was thinking, it's like there's a pre-breakfast body in mind. There's a post-breakfast body in mind. There's an afternoon body in mind. There's an evening body in mind. And then if you're foolish enough to do yaza, there's a night body in mind. Sometimes they seem like they overlap, Sometimes they seem like they don't. Last time I taught a practice period, I was quoting from a text. Unfortunately, I can't remember it now. Maka something. It's by Jerry, the founder of Tendai Buddhism. And this wonderful place where he was talking about demons.

[11:46]

And apparently there are demons prevalent in two hour blocks throughout the day. And they change, you know. Sometimes it's horses, sometimes it's tigers, sometimes it's dragons. I thought, well, maybe this is for each body and mind. We've got a different set of demons. And in the continuity of practice to just meet the body and mind that's appearing at that time. However it appears. Whatever seems to be the reality of that time. And as we do that, don't know, which is really the wind of our school, comes into play.

[13:12]

It becomes available. As we meet and experience the body and mind of before breakfast, and experience physicality of it, the mental disposition of it, the breath of it. As we meet it, it confounds our casual certainty of me, of my life. And often in that early morning, wonderfully, as Dogen says, We forget. We forget me. This mysterious body of being of early morning is so thoroughly asserting itself.

[14:13]

And in its... almost familiar novelty or novel familiarity. Don't know. And in this diligence below our cognitive process, in this diligence below our knowing what's good practice and what's not good practice, what is it to practice with this you know when we turn it into words it sounds like oh we'll start thinking come up with a formulation maybe remember some things you've heard in the past that appealed to you but in the doing of it it expresses itself in engagement But not so much that we should step back and make some mental notes or actual notes in our journal, but more absorb it.

[15:52]

Can it register in Hridaya consciousness? Can it register in Vridha consciousness? Can we explore the breath of that time? Can we feel the texture of it? Can we keep diligently returning to the inhale and the exhale and the exhale and the inhale? Not because we know how it should be, but maybe more innocently, we're kind of mystified by how it is. Can the solidity of our being that's glued together by our persistent habitual thinking and feeling and description of self and other,

[17:03]

And the body and mind arising from the causes and conditions of being that comes up at that time of day, can they be authoritative? And can we explore the intimacy of that? This is what it is. What is it to practice with this? What is it to practice with the body when it's a bag of bones and broken bricks? What is it to practice with the body when it's the fluid energy light as air what is it to practice with the mind when it hears a symphony of sound in the variety of raindrops

[18:40]

multiplicity of tones and rhythms and even sounds what is it to practice with the mind when even conceptualizing doesn't seem clear So all these, all these varieties of consciousness, all these varieties of the experience of me. And the me according to me and the world according to me become another option, another possibility.

[19:58]

the me that generates, and in the future I will, even that has its own mystery, its own marvelous occurrence. In this novelty of being the tried and true habituated being, also hold up the flower of awakening. And still in the midst of all that, I would say, deliberate involvement. something about slowing down letting each occurrence have its own time have its own being the marvelous thing and very helpful thing about knowing the routine now is that

[21:40]

we have some space within it. You know, you're not desperately thinking, okay, what's the next step in aria? Okay, quickly, quickly. Oh yeah, unwrap it. Your body's already starting to unwrap it before your mind's even got into the discussion. but in that familiarity to notice. What does seeing the food create? Does it create the thought, oh, I thought we were going to get sesame soybeans? Does it create a quickening of the wish to eat? And how about when you start to eat?

[22:42]

Does the mind speed up? Start thinking? When we were sitting this morning, there was a squall somewhere up there. At least it sounded like it. It happened two or three times. And each time my mind created the notion, come and pat her on the roof in that lovely way. And it didn't. But I just kept sitting anyway. A deliberateness, a spaciousness, Staying close.

[23:43]

And watching. Watching even the subtle tendencies when the mind is moving towards a more settled, connected place. the impulse to grasp. Yes, that's what I want. I know it says, be present for all minds, but that's the one I want to be present for. Or the subtle disappointment when somehow your mind is, you just did Kim Hee. And like a virtuous Zen student, you stayed in the Zendo. And now your mind's gone crazy. How did that happen? All you did was walk slowly around the Zendo. Now it's as unruly as a three-year-old.

[24:59]

To watch each mind. And of course, Dogen wrote a fascicle about this. It's called henzan. Usually translated something like all-inclusive study. Mishijima translated as thorough exploration. The san, san. kind of exploration you do when you're in new territory. And these words I'm speaking were my pitiful attempt to convince you you're in new territory.

[26:08]

I hope you'll reflect on that and despite my words see how could it not be new territory. It's somehow this strange process of our practice. is soaked away. It's constant combination of directed attention and inclusive attention. It creates an integration. And when we're in the middle of it, most of the time, it feels like nothing special. Yeah, I'm sort of aware. Yeah. No big deal.

[27:17]

I can hear the raindrops. I can see that thought, that impulse. The sweetness of our diligence that as all that arises, some impulse beyond words. What is it to practice with this? In a way, it keeps us humble. Most of us don't get very tripped up by the notion that we're so special or we've had some fantastic accomplishment. Most of us see... Yes... I've dipped my toe in the great ocean.

[28:25]

I've glimpsed bindless being. And now this sushin with its... familiarity and then this impish voice that says you're going to be done soon and the gates of freedom will open not to be the scary monster but please remember

[29:27]

The gates of freedom are inside. That liberation is interwoven with habitual tendencies of body, speech and mind. And this marvelous opportunity to become intimate. in a way we've earned our own trust, that we can now, even those minds of the different time of day, even though we don't know what the heck's going on, and we can't fit them neatly into our description of practice, we trust them. We're willing to give over to them. willing to open to them and experience them as they appear.

[30:37]

And in its doing, it doesn't seem like anything special. And we're not even sure what has to be, what's there to be accomplished or to be avoided. Dogenzeji is here first of all he makes his powerful opening comments it's always good to have a powerful opening comment the great truth of the Buddha patriarchs is exploration of the ultimate state through and through it is there under the feet and in the appearance of the clouds under the feet still Although it's like this, the opening of flowers is the occurrence of the world, and this place is, I am always keen.

[31:46]

I am always keen. I can't remember the other translation, which is a lot more clear to my mind. We have always been exploring practice like this. And then he goes on and he talks about an exchange between Daikanino and Nengaku. Nengaku was the student. And Nengaku said to Daikanino, It's not about judging and turning into degrees of success or failure. And then Daikan said, well, what can you say? Okay, you've glimpsed what it's not.

[32:55]

What can you say? In a way saying, practice with that. Practice with not just letting judging mind say what should happen or what should not happen. You know, in conventional terms we could say even coming to that level of contact is an accomplishment. No? It's in regards to it's not the mind just rambling around. lost in its own creations we're coming into the realm of contact we're coming into the realm of experiencing and then chitta the discriminating faculty wants to get to work what should or should not happen and that comes what can you say about that

[34:05]

What is it to practice with that? What is it to enter that so intimately that something about the nature of practice is realized? So Nangaku goes off for seven years. That comes back. with a response and says, it's not that there's no practice, it's just there's no way within dualism to talk about it. And this phrase became, when you read Dogen's texts, it pops up all over the place. This... Of course the mind conceptualizes.

[35:12]

Of course the mind discriminates. And this is part of the tender journey. As we settle, as we settle into Sashim, we become more engaged. We realize, literally, we realize how important This is to us. We say to ourselves, okay, I'm going to go to Tassajara and I'm going to do a practice period and I'm really going to do it because I've made all these exceptions in my life and changes to be here. But then when we get here, it's to persuade ourselves to turn that wonderful sentiment into a thoroughgoing involvement. And as we do that, It's like we're unpeeling the layers of resistance and avoidance and the psychological defenses.

[36:19]

And it's a delicate process. We meet them in the body, we meet them in the breath, and we meet them... In the mind and in the emotions. And one of our habituated ways of navigating our life is with citta. We discern. We have judgments. We draw conclusions. We conceptualize. and in this delicate process as we get close to not let that become a permanent barrier that in a delicate but determined and diligent way meeting the experience so it's delightful

[37:34]

and I hope inviting to think, deliberate, a little bit slower, giving each thing the time it needs. But in the inner workings of it, the mind is so ready to move in. Citta is so ready to move in with some discernment, for or against. Nine years, or seven years, Nangaku. Looking at this point. And returns to say, that happens and it doesn't diminish this process of becoming intimate with what is. It doesn't taint it. It doesn't decide it. just part of the nature of consciousness.

[38:42]

So in your diligence, as the connection ripens, when so-called distractions, when so-called interruptions, when so-called moving away from the right practice happens. Not to grasp that either. Not to turn that into something. To just let that be part of the ambience of what's happening. The steady patience of returning. And so he came back and he sent that to Daikan.

[39:58]

And Daikan said, so it is. So it is. Practice with that. So he went away for another seven years. We're stubborn. It takes us time. It takes time for us to do what's our heart's desire, and to do something that we intuitively know. And when the intuitive knowing is engaged, there's an authority. And maybe we could say, then we're the boss, but really, actually, then the raindrops are the boss. Then the moist air is the boss.

[41:04]

Then the quirky thought that arises unbidden, seeing that for what it is, is the boss. we give ourselves to each experience it's something in our human consciousness it's almost like we need to steady ourselves to do that somehow when we're off balance or struggling with something we're not quite aware of struggling with that willingness to meet is qualified, easily influenced by citta.

[42:12]

And so citta is engaged, not so much within words, but sometimes even that. what is it to practice with this what is it to let the inhale breathe the body what is it to contact the experience of breathing in contrast to doing the breath we return to the basic practices And we can learn to trust vritta. It's like the body knows how to breathe. As we settle into this sushin, as we settle into this time in our lives, these moments, what more could we ask for?

[44:12]

quiet inner calculation of remembering our vow, of remembering what it is to give over the practice. translate that into a steady, ceaseless involvement, continuous involvement. But this time holds a potential. can vanish in an instant.

[45:26]

And when we push open the gates of freedom, dusty realms will blow in entrances with their suggestions. And before all that terrible, terrible stuff happens, I'll end with a poem. I was trying to find a good segue, but... Oh. The door was open. The door was open and the house was dark. In memory of David Hammond. The door was open and the house was dark. Wherefore I called his name, although I knew the answer this time would be silence.

[46:34]

The person he was calling was dead. He was going from his funeral, just wanted to see his house. The answer this time would be silence. That kept me standing, listening while it grew backwards, and down and out into the street, whereas I'd entered. street lamps too were out I felt for the first time there and then a stranger intruder almost wanting to take flight yet well aware that here there was no danger only withdrawal and not on welcoming emptiness as in a midnight hunger on an overgrown airfield in light summer. That way, the moment invites us.

[47:38]

And our feelings are not simple. I felt there, for the first time there and then, a stranger, intruder almost, wanting to take flight, yet well aware that here there was no danger. It's a delicate process as we open. But it's a powerful one in some ways. There is no substitute for seeing clearly into the inner workings of being alive. How else will this human life make sense in a way beyond words, in a way beyond emotions that are based on what we want and what we don't want?

[48:55]

We have a mixed response. And the minds of the morning and afternoon and evening have their own way of holding it. But we don't have to know. We don't have to have it all figured out. We feel our way in not knowing. And this is the heritage of our school. Feeling our way with not knowing. And now we have this beautiful rain to support us. And we have the diligence that's in our bones from having

[50:13]

sat together for this time. Can that permission come with each breath? Can that permission come each time consciousness with awareness, experiences. It's all workings. Just the same way as we let the body breathe. Can we let being absorb the moment? Explore deeply the difference between letting the being of the moment be absorbed and doing something.

[51:21]

Or subtly trying to change something. This is the great khan of the sushin. is what the treasure we can carry through the sashim and at the gate. Unfortunately and unfortunately, nobody can do it for us. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click giving.

[52:32]

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