This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning. Good morning. Do the people in the back hear that good morning? Is that loud enough? Good. So I wanted to, first I wanted to know, are there some new people here today? A couple of new people, yeah. Some people I don't recognize faces, some I do. So my name is Sonia and I came to San Francisco Zen Center in 1991 and my intention was to stay for three months and then

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go on to my life. And as I was remembering that, I remembered hearing a story by one of our teachers, who maybe some of you know Ed or Edward Brown, who was at Tassajara before Zen Center took over Tassajara. And he thought, well, I'll stay around for a year and get enlightened, and then I'll go on with my life. So watch out, everybody. I want to thank you all very much for coming this morning. I appreciate the company. And in particular, that thank you is a reminder that even though it's true that I cannot... liberate you. Nobody else can free you.

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You will have to do that work yourself, but we're doing it in the company of others. We're in this room, we see there's some other people here who maybe have some kind of affinity for what we're seeking, and we're not doing it alone. And my teacher, Tenshin Roshi, Reb Anderson, is using the word, we're in conversation with each other. So this morning I'm in conversation with you. And on Friday mornings I sit with a wonderful, we're kind of a small group right now in Tiburon, and we sit and then we read something together or we're in conversation about it. And I just, part of the conversation is about what it's like to lose hearing seeing, mobility, to get a diagnosis of cancer, to remind ourselves that, as Suzuki Roshi suggested, if we take a breath in and then let it go, let it rest at the bottom and don't grab the next one, just wait there and see when the next breath wants to avail itself, if there is one.

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At that moment, it's great peace and great vastness. That was one report. And what it is to actually just let go of the old stories and be free to be in their life as it is now. So this conversation with this group is really wonderful, and I'm so grateful to be with them. There's a story... that I'd like to tell, share right now. And it's the story of a man, or maybe it was a woman, or you, or me, or they, who for 40 years had a prayer that he offered to the universe. And the prayer went like this. Oh, dear universe, please grant me the power

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the knowledge and the strength and the wisdom to transform the world. I think some kind of wish or prayer like that actually brought some of us here. We see the suffering in the world and we think, how can I change the world? I think also that the Buddha had that same feeling. He was rather protected and then he walked out of the walls and he saw sickness and old age and death and he went, whoa, I need to clarify this. How can I transform this? So for 40 years, this person went around with this prayer wanting to transform the world. And after 40 years, he, she, they, appreciated that this was not quite right.

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It was not quite on the mark. It was a little bit wrong. And so the prayer changed, or the wish changed. And the change to, oh, dear universe, please grant me the power and the strength to change those friends and families around me. That was a little bit closer. How can I change that which is around me? And then at the age of 80, this person realized this was not quite the appropriate wish for the realization that they were looking for. Mind you, there's a lot of walking around kind of wishing. and the wish change to, Dear Universe, please grant me the compassion, the kindness, and the strength to change myself.

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Please grant me the compassion, the kindness, and the strength to change myself. And when we change, or we, maybe I would say more, when we become more fully upright in attunement with who we are, the world changes. Things change around us and the world changes. And I think that the Buddha was in conversation with his friends, with other teachers, he was seeking, until he finally sat down and stopped moving. And what he saw, this change in, or shift, maybe we would say shift in view, at some point he understood and he said, Oh, house builder,

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Now I see you. This house will no longer be built. The beams and the rafters are broken and the ridge pole, that which I'm attached to, this self, has been shattered. I am no longer controlled or moved by my conditioned self and I have found peace. So that's what I'd like to promote today. This turning, this... Please grant me the compassion, the kindness, and the strength to change myself. So what is this turnaround? Dogen, Zen Master Dogen says, Please turn the light around and shine it on the self. And I love this little...

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attributed to Suzuki Roshi saying, you just need to shine one corner of the world. That's enough. Not the whole world. Just make it clear where you are. Just make it clear where you are, where you're coming from. So in this practice, in Zen practice, we could say we are We stop moving. When you're moving around, it's sort of hard to notice where you are. Mind is running. So we stop, and part of our training is to stop and just notice where you exist, what's happening now. And can I clarify what's happening now? In the past months, well, actually years, we've been invited to ask ourselves, what's the primary point in your life?

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What's your ultimate concern? What is it that's most important? Or we could say, what is it that's your vow? And can you trust that? Can you be led by that? Yeah, can we trust that? Can we be led by that? And how would that look? And what would that be? And what would I use? What would I use to get there? This is a Zen story. And I'm going to tell you the verse first, because that's what kind of really caught me. The story, and maybe some of you already know it, is... ordinary mind is the way, or everyday mind is the way. And the verse there is, hundreds of flowers in spring, the moon in autumn, snow in winter, and a cool breeze in the summer.

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When for you, there is no vain cloud in your mind. Every day or every season is a good season when there's no vain cloud in your mind. So this ordinary mind is the way. This is a story between a student and a teacher, and the student became one of the great teachers. And the teachers in this story are Nanshwan, and Zhao Zhou. And Zhao Zhou lived to be 120, they say. And he started teaching when he was 80. When I think about that, I think I should get down right now. But when he was young, he started around 18, and he practiced with his teacher for 40 years. And he came to his teacher either young or more mature, and he asked his teacher, what is the way?

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Today I would say, what is this life about? And the teacher, Nan Quan, said, ordinary mind is the way. And... Zhaozhou said, well, should I turn my mind toward it? Should I go for it? And Nanxuan said, if you go for it, you're going to move far away from it. And so Koan seemed to have a little riddle aspect to it. And he said, well, if I don't go for it, then how will I know when I'm like in alignment? And Nanxuan said, Knowing and not knowing is the point. If you know, you're in delusion. And if you don't know, you're lost in confusion. So, knowing and not knowing are not the point.

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How could you know or not know what this life is about? It's not a matter of right or wrong, but can you just be right there for it? And it takes some effort. And as I was thinking about this story, I thought, I thought, for a while I took tennis lessons, and I thought, what is the way to have the perfect serve? And the teacher kept saying, just keep swinging. And I would practice on the backboard, and I'd practice with my partner over and over again. And after a long time, I was on the court one day, and I made the perfect serve. And it stunned me.

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It stunned me so much that I stopped in my tracks, so of course I missed the next return." And the teacher said, "'Don't stand there congratulating yourself. The next one is coming.'" So we sit, we know where we are, we try to learn where we are, we're trying to find what's upright, try to find our balance. And each moment gives us something to taste or to work with. And just in these past few months, just coming back to the story, the teacher says, ordinary mind is the way. Mind is sometimes the Chinese characters are heart-mind. You could say your ordinary life of... making breakfast, cooking lunch, cutting carrots, cleaning the bathroom, sweeping, charred, farming, gardening, cutting flowers.

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All of these are your ordinary life. Now, how can this be the way? Now, let's just pretend for a moment that you're enlightened. Okay? You got it. Whatever it is. You're there. Then what are you going to do? The bell rings and you'll probably have some breakfast. Or you'll get tired and then you'll take a nap. Or you'll say, the refrigerator is empty. I need to go to the store. So what is the difference there? What's that place? So the ordinary mind... No, I want to go back to, excuse me, I want to go back to ordinary mind is the way. So Zhaozhou is asking, and in recent times, Tenshin Roshi's been telling us a story between another two teacher and disciple, Yingyan and Dengshan, and he said, when I leave you,

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when you're not around anymore, what shall I say about your teaching? And Yun Yun said, after thinking for a while, just this is. That sounded a little bit to me like your ordinary mind is it. Or what's the most important thing? if you're wearing the robe or if you're interested in your life. Another answer was intimacy. And I like that word, intimacy. I've been thinking about it, kind of looked it up in the dictionary, but this is how I translated it. This turn the light around is into me seeing. Into this one, shine the light and make it clear where you are. Make it clear to you, what is your vow? Just know what that is, and can you trust that that will actually lead you?

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And stay in conversation with your friends. Stay in conversation with your friends. The Buddha walked around with his friends, he went to teachers, and then he finally sat down and said, okay, let's just stop moving and stop figuring it out. So... Usually we would say our ordinary mind is kind of driven by what about me? What do I want? What can I do to keep myself safe? What's important to me, to my family? What if we just let that go and we dropped it and we were in free fall? And sometimes, actually many times in the day, somebody would come and say, good morning.

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And you have a response. You might say, good morning back, or hello. In a way, we weren't really... It just automatically arose. Because maybe you have a wish to be friendly. Friendliness wish, or a wish to... meet what's in front of you. So how can we trust that? It's okay. Some people like to practice, you know, where it's really still and really quiet and no cell phones and no traffic. Those are good places to practice. However, most of us will not live in the monastery where it's all controlled and very quiet and all they hear the birds. So how are you going to keep your balance and your presence when your cell phone goes off? It's important to be in the midst of commotion and be able to find where you are.

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So this practice of this very mind is it. So what is mind? you might think that your mind is one thing. But if you ask your friends, they may have something else to say. Maybe mind is more like the weather that we've had lately. Sometimes it's a sunny day, and sometimes it's raining, and sometimes it's cloudy, and sometimes it's gloomy. And so in our crew meetings, sometimes we have weather reports. So what's the weather like? How are you feeling today? To just know how you are now and where I'm coming from allows you to possibly give an appropriate response. When I was thinking about this talk, my original...

[21:32]

Well, my original intent was to come down here with a bunch of notes, right? And then I thought, no, I think I'm just going to show up. And then I got, this is the ordinary mind. I got a little nervous. So which I was that? Is this the I that just threw it off and said, I trust you to be in conversation with me? I trust that something will happen and maybe something in the story about the man who was walking around with his prayer and finally let it go. Maybe there's something about not knowing is most intimate. Something will spark for you and that you can walk away and trust whatever's next. And so then I... went to — most of you in the back can't see this — but one of my teachers was Charlotte Selver.

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And she did a practice of sensory awareness. And for those of you who could see it, I just really love this picture. You can come see it later if you can't see it from afar. But she's getting ready to sound the bell. And there seems to be a lot of freedom And a lot of joy, in my mind as I look at this, in what she's about to engage in. And what she says here is, every moment is a moment. People, we who don't love the moment, are always trying to achieve something. Those of us who are caught in grasping and wanting and desire are always trying to get somewhere, to get something. But when one is on the way, every moment is it.

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Every exchange we have with somebody can be a teaching. We chant, I'm going to tell you one of my secrets. We have this chant, beings are numberless. We say, save them, I think, awaken with them. Delusions are inexhaustible. Our stories will just keep going and going because we're story people. Our delusions are numberless. I vow, we say to end them, but I think we could say, once I see through them, I could enjoy them, right? And then we say, Dharma gates are boundless. I vow to enter them. Now here's my secret turnaround that goes with today's talk. Drama gates are boundless. The stories just go on and on. And I vow to meet them. And what do I want to meet them with?

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Please give me the compassion, the kindness, and the strength to meet you with my vow. That vow was the thing that was pulling the Buddha forward. And that vow is my vow of trying to want to understand what is it that leads people to want to hurt one another instead of help one another. And the question is, where's my fear? What am I afraid of? And how can I meet that? What's the weather here when I meet any one of you today? What's the weather? What's the weather when you go back to your family, when you go back to work, when you're caught in traffic? What's the weather? And are you close? Is there some intimacy seeing? Is there some

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Just this is it. I'm not going to struggle with it. I'm just going to relax. Just going to relax. If you can relax and appreciate that in one season hundreds of flowers in another season cool breeze in the summer. For the skiers, snow in winter. In the autumn, moon. If I can just be with that, oh, I'm in traffic. Oh, I'm late. Oh, I didn't really meet that person exactly. Oh, this soup was not the one I wanted.

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Oh, I just lost my job. And stay open to surprise, open to curiosity. I wonder. I wonder what's next. Yeah, wonder. This wonder and this curiosity and this just this is and this is. taking the time to turn around and see what's happening here, and am I in some kind of alignment with my vow? That is your freedom. That is your liberation to walk around and just say, oh, now I'm alive. Oh, now the next breath. Oh, there's not a next breath. So, we travel through many dramas in this life.

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We try to find our peace in it. And, yeah, we enjoy hitting the bell and missing the bell. We understand what this mind is. That's what I'm encouraging today, to really, with the help of others, with the work of our own, wish to be part of bringing peace and harmony, of bringing non-harming. When I speak to you, am I living into that? beginning we did this chant and we said, I vow to taste. That's coming into your body, into your sense.

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I vow to feel, to taste. I'm present for the truth of this moment. I have the experience of saying, this talk is about freedom, liberation, peace, and I feel like all the Dharma talks hear about that. And I hear myself repeating it over and over, and maybe it doesn't need to be said again. However, the power of repetition, the power of the innumerable times that I use that tennis racket, The innumerable times. Is it LeBron James? Is that that basketball? The number of times that he dribbled that basketball until he was LeBron James.

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Until he was Tiger Woods. You know, it's fall down, get up. But do you know where the basketball net hoop is? Do you know where your racket, do you know what side of the court you're on? Do you know where you're going? So I think I'm going to stop there. And if some of you would like to continue and be in conversation, we can come back again after we have these... I know you came here for tea and muffins. We have this wonderful muffin volunteer team. They keep coming in and every week we try to figure out, what is it now?

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And then you come and hopefully you tell me they're wonderful. Anyway, after tea and muffins, if you would like to come back and continue the conversation, and please help me understand what it is that's important to you. And then we can go back and forth. Because if I hear where you are, maybe I also hear where I am. Thank you so much for your kind and generous attention. And may your everyday activity Bring forth the peace and freedom that you might be looking for. May you taste it. Thank you so much. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our programs are made possible by the donations we receive. Please help us to continue to realize and actualize the practice of giving by offering your financial support.

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For more information, visit sfzc.org and click giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

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