I leave the mouth. Welcome and good morning here at Green Gulch on this nice, sunny, rainy day. Welcome at home over Zoom. Welcome new practice period again. By the way, if you don't know, there has just last week, we started a practice period here, a six-week Practice Spirit, which is led by Venerable Kokyo. And it is about the song of the trusting mind. Should I talk louder? Yes, okay. I can do that. Yeah. Maybe I should introduce myself. My name is Timo, and I'm here as a the new tanto since January which is head of practice and I'm very honored and even more humbled about that position here and so I was invited to give a Sunday talk and

[01:50]

As you heard, the theme of the practice spirit is the song of the trusting mind. So my talk will be a little bit about trust, about trusting mind, and about entering walls of unknown. The text, I was like the last... half year i could say or the last year uh i was mainly exposed to two texts um one as a zen student and that was avatam sakha sutra and one as a dad which was harry potter and um since we heard a lot about the avatam sakha sutra in recent times i will talk about harry potter today Where do I start?

[02:51]

I think I'm talking about that because more than 30 years ago, in a German Zen center where I grew up, I saw on the Christmas party, Harry Potter, I think it was one. And I don't remember much except that one scene, which will come over and over again in this talk. And so then it was silent for over 30 years with regards to Harry Potter for me. And I don't know the whole story. But then like half a year ago, my kids, and they might listen right now actually, they started to read all the seven books of Harry Potter. And then they started to watch the movies, all the seven ones of Harry Potter.

[03:56]

And then they revet the books again. And then we built some Hogwarts castle at home. And then we have some memory games, which we do, which they always are very happy to play with me because I never remember the characters. And so they can always win. That's just for you to get it back. get a feel of like my level of exposure to harry potter and still i mean even with that level i mean i am in no way any expert of that and if i would say so i think they would roll their eyes at home so um i wanted to go to um that one scene which which had recurring in my mind and since it happened like over the 30 years you can imagine there is quite some modification in that story which happens inside there so when I actually re-read then finally that little chapter and also saw the part in the movie I was pretty disappointed I have to say so I won't read this story to you but I will

[05:08]

I will tell it to you how I remembered it and how that got stuck sort of in my mind. I'm just wondering, I mean, how many people do actually know Harry Potter? Who does not know Harry Potter? Okay, there's some waving hands there. Can I give a very brief introduction into that even? So the way I have the story in my mind is like there is this Harry Potter, which is a son of some real magicians. So by nature, I would say he is a magician too, but he does not know that, does not realize because his parents have been... been killed and he grows up in a different family which doesn't want to do want to have anything to do with magic so um then um at one time all the situations come together and he gets this many many letters which tell him sort of that he is a special person and that he is invited

[06:35]

to go to this school of magic. And in this letter, he is actually given the way how he can go to this school. And as you might know, I'm mixing quite a little bit of Buddhist concepts here. And it's really fun to translate that story because you could say it's a boy who has Buddha nature or is a bodhisattva, but doesn't realize that and then goes on, finally, on his journey. And to go on his journey, he needs to go to this magical place, which is called Hogwarts. And in this letter, it tells him how to get there. And it says that you have to go to a certain train station, I forgot the name, and the train which departs on your journey leaves at platform nine and three quarter.

[07:40]

So as you might imagine, nine and three quarter doesn't exist, at least not for normal deluded people, which are called in this book muggles. So like we are all muggles or we are all magicians as you like it. And so he is on this train station and looks around and he's even asks one of these officers there and they got just give him a strange look and he knows he really needs to go there that's what his life is about but there is no way um for him to enter and so um you could say his his karma or his way seeking mind was good enough to just hang around and watch And so what he sees at one point is that there are some other kids who are sort of on the same journey. And he recognizes them because they have the same outfit.

[08:47]

I mean, it's like you have a magical outfit and they have their owls with them and their oats or frogs or so. And so he realizes, oh, yeah, I just need to watch how they do it. And so he watches and doesn't get it because they just vanish. They just disappear. And finally, he meets this old wise lady which has compassion with him. And she sees that he wants to go on this journey. And so she comes to him and tells him the secret. about how to get on this trip. And she says, like, it's not Platform 9. It's not Platform 10. It's just in the middle of it. What you think looks like nothing special, just like a brick wall.

[09:48]

That's where you need to go to enter. And there's one trick or one very important point. When you go to penetrate this wall to your journey, you have to have complete faith. You do not hesitate. If you go there, you just need to enter this wall without any hesitation. And so Harry follows that guidance and pushes his card with all his stuff. and his owl into the wall and enters his journey. So this is my story of Harry Potter. And what intrigued me most or what stuck to my mind was one, the

[10:59]

the impossibility of walking of entering of penetrating this brick wall and whatever would happen there and to the guidance the main secret the main key to do that is you don't hesitate you have complete trust And so, yeah, that was the part which stuck to my mind and which actually come up for me in daily practice, I would say. But I'll talk more about the walls later. I think what I will try to do... now before i talk just about what i feel like is to have us all experience um this amazing thing of walking into a wall and um so how i would like to do that is maybe like the people who are sitting in chairs could just stand up

[12:24]

And the other ones can stand up or can stay seated, depending on how it works for you. If you are very advanced, you can just stay seated. And so maybe we just make a tiny move, but we just make a dry run first without walls. And so what I want you to do is just to move a little bit forward right now. Move a little bit forward. And then now you can stay there a little bit. See how it feels. And now you can step back. Step back again. Don't sit down, but step back. So... And now the next version is like we do that with a wall. So... I'm sorry that the people on Zoom can't see now all these walls rising.

[13:31]

But I want you to imagine in front of you, if that feels comfortable to you, a wall directly in front of you. And I will ask you soon to make a step inside. But before I ask you that, I just want to give you a few details tricks about how to do that and the one the one trick is like first is like stay calm and continue to breathe and the second one is like don't try to figure it out because there's no way you will ever figure out how to penetrate this wall and um thirdly when you move forward just no hesitation now if you don't resist the wall will not resist if you resist the wall might resist okay so are we ready we just imagine having a wall in front of us and now we remember the guidelines

[14:54]

And we lean or step a little bit forward into the wall. And we sense how that is there, which we cannot in any way figure out. So it doesn't make sense to hold on anything. We just let go and maybe listen to the wall. And then you're welcome to step back again or lean back again. And you can sit down. you congratulations um why why i did that and why is that so

[16:23]

Intriguing to me is like, for me, that stepping in, that leaning into, is like a zazen instruction. It's like the instruction to go into a place which we cannot figure out. It's like to go into a place which is completely unknown for us. And what we need to do to arrive at that place is to stay calm, let go, and let the place penetrate us. here one quote of the trusting mind song which just makes that point a little bit bold about not using your mind when you encounter walls and want to penetrate them and that is um stop talking and thinking and there is nowhere you can't pass

[17:56]

There is another well-known association of wall and maybe the mind of Zazen, which was done by our founder of Zen in China, Bodhidharma. And the quote goes like, outwardly seize all attachment inwardly grasp not with the mind with the mind like a wall you enter the way now most of us do not have maybe the privilege or the resilience to face a wall for nine years as Bodhidharma did.

[19:05]

But what I want to go into a little bit more is like facing the walls and penetrating them, the walls that appear in my life, that might appear in your life. And I'm not so much talking about physical walls, but about the walls, that separate us that separate us from others that separate us from ourselves that hinder us to be to be free and um maybe i start with a very known wall um for myself which i experienced quite a bit while preparing for this talk And that is, you might not feel that, it's like that I experience a lot of anxiety and fear of public speaking.

[20:06]

So this is for me a wall which is quite present before I come to a talk here. And it's funny, there are actually at the Buddha lists like five main fears of humans i don't know you probably have heard of them the first one is fear of death the second one is the fear of becoming sick the third one i don't know if i have the order right the third one is the fear of losing your mind the fourth one is the fear of losing livelihood and the fifth one is the fear of giving speech in public Amazing. When I heard that for the first time, I was really relieved. I said like, oh, I'm together with a lot of friends here.

[21:08]

Yeah. So all these walls, like being in fear or anger or irritation or you said what we experience in our lives are what I hope to see, pathways for liberation. But they are only pathways for liberation. They only help us to go on our journey if we penetrate them and if we don't try to dismiss them or go around them. So in this way, I would say we should treat these walls, these fears, these angers appropriately, which means as gates, as friends who help us to find our way of freedom.

[22:21]

and to let them invite us so we can become intimate with them and when i say that there is a wonderful is a wonderful poem of rumi which you probably most of you know i'll maybe read that at the end of the talk which just brings this wonderful together to invite all this, what I call walls or obstacles or whatever you want to call them, as friends into your house, as guests. Maybe I want to talk a little bit about the walls. in case people have not um enough own walls um or they are not high enough you're very welcome to come to this monastery um when you come here we give you some for free and they include especially i mean a practice period is a very good place and to receive lots of walls and we call them here shingi call them shingi or forms

[23:56]

or schedule. That's a wonderful name for quite a wall. They're still training walls, you know, like nothing happens if you fall into them. But we offer them, or as a practitioner, as a wonderful practice to find out. And often what happens is actually that they seem to be pretty small, but then they create inside even bigger ones, like real skyscrapers, aversion skyscrapers against these walls, against the shingy, the form, the schedule, and what I need to do here. And yeah, often it is seen like the shingy or the forms, the schedule is just a way to keep so many people sort of peaceful together but what is missed is really that they are made actually they are provided in their original intention to restrict and for people who all of them are up for letting themselves penetrated by them to experience liberation inside

[25:21]

So there is actually a picture that is representing that situation, which is often caused in the monasteries, which is called like a snake in a bamboo tube. And you might imagine when I actually said just when I left here to my wife that I'm also... talking about the snake in the bamboo tube, she gave me this. She got that, I think, for her chuseau ceremony. This is a bamboo tube, and this is a snake. So what the idea is, or the picture is, which looks a little bit cruel, but... maybe forget that this is a real snake and a real bamboo tube, is that the snake believes, of course, that the snake is real and the bamboo tube is real, goes into the bamboo tube.

[26:31]

But there is so little room, even less than here, that there is no place to wiggle. And there's also no room really to turn around there. And so in this sort of container, what the opportunity is, is like for the snake to completely surrender the situation to surrender that it cannot move and with this surrender like wake up wake up to the dance of the snake and the bamboo tube wake up to the dream of a separate snake and a separate bamboo tube and being stuck in there That is the offer of the temple. I wonder.

[27:50]

I have not much more to say. But I would like to read to you this very well-known poem of Rumi. And then maybe after that, we can have a little bit of a discussion. And I would like to hear your experiences and your expressions. So the poem, the Vumi poem goes like this. This being human is a guest house. Every moment a new arrival, a joy, a depression, a meanness. Some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. Welcome. Welcome. and entertain them all. Even if they are a crowd of sorrows who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still treat each guest honorably.

[29:05]

He may be clearing you out for some new delight. The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing and invite them in. Be grateful for whoever comes because each has been sent as a guide from beyond. listening and maybe now it's your turn there's one here two in the front and then avi in the back two

[30:25]

In your discussion about the wall, it made me think. I have three new friends, L3, L4, and L5. That's my lumbar region. And they've been herniated throughout my life experience. That's how they wound up. So in the beginning, I thought to myself, how do I deal with this? And listening to your lecture about the war, just for a moment, I penetrate. And my discs came to me. And I want to thank you. It makes me feel that they are my friends and my part of my life.

[31:40]

So I thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you. You know, I was sitting here, and I was listening. I was tired, sleepy, and just various experiences going on. And talking of sort of the guest house,

[32:47]

And the wall. Inviting the wall. And all the guests that arrive. Can you speak a bit more about the host? The host? The host. The one that does smile when the depression arrives. The joy. I... I feel like in my view, in my picture, what happens is that in meeting these guests, the distinction between host and guest is dissolved, is not figured out anymore. It's like entering this wall where it is not clear where is their wall, where is their person, because it's just a mix.

[33:51]

which it's just a mix, you could say, or it's one which cannot be divided. And we can divide it again, but that is not the place of Zazen. That is not the place of the real host, I would say. I don't know if that came out in the poem, but The positions of host and guests just mingle and nobody knows who is who. Just taking a moment with that. More about that. Are you asking me if you'd like to share more on that? I did not understand your question.

[34:53]

I'm just taking a moment, taking in what you said. Can you hear me now? Yes. Okay. I think for now that's sufficient for me. Thank you. Okay. You can hear me. Yes. Walls. I always think of walls as being a barrier, as I think most of us do. And I think of...

[35:55]

it's easy for me to think of the shingy and the forms, or not the forms, but like the schedule, the forms, as being sort of barriers. But when you just spoke about the host and guest basically being one, and also, as you said that, I thought of that feeling of standing in the middle of the wall to Hogwarts, and it seems like... Any kind of wall is an opportunity for intimacy, deep, deep intimacy, just as in Zazen. And that gave me such a, I guess so much space then in the walls of our practice, but any wall we encounter. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you. thank you timo can you hear this yes thank you timo um for your talk thank you for affirming what i've always known which is that harry potter is spiritual and um my class and what you brought up about bodhidharma um inwardly the mind is not to grasp or don't grasp with the mind um

[37:32]

I wonder if you can tie this to something that comes up over and over for me about a teaching from Bodhidharma also, which is this mind is the Buddha. There can be no other Buddha but this mind. And sometimes then when I hear, like, don't use a grasping mind or don't use a thinking mind, and making distinctions. And then I go back to, oh wait, but this is, there is no other Buddha but the mind. So how can we, because when I, then when I'm like, oh no, don't grasp, don't think, then I'm pushing away something. I'm trying, I, I find myself pushing away thinking and pushing away grasping. And I, and I, then I'm hearing the teaching of no, but actually that's all part of this Buddha mind. So I wondered if you could,

[38:34]

comment on that or help me understand that yeah I heard a few aspects maybe the last one which you nicely said like oh but then I want to push away my grasping mind and isn't that as I heard it that grasping mind also Buddha yeah that's my question yeah and yes I think one way to say it like there is nothing that is not buddha but if we play this somehow the human mind has this amazing capacity of separating things of separating things which are you could say not really separate so when we then push away things we just um we just aggravate i could say we enhance our delusion of separation as long as and that's that's why this suggestion is like if you may make a separation maybe see them as friends you might see them still separate but then you can be with them together you can be intimate together and in this intimacy you can realize that you are not separate

[40:03]

And that realization just relieves us from suffering. That's what the teaching is about. It's not nothing bad with making that distinction and separating things out from us. It's just suffering. And so to, sorry to say, work towards, work towards where we already are, work towards seeing things as part of us, as friends, as invitations, and penetrate them, makes us close to the reality of not being separate. So, I think my understanding of that response, is not having a grasping mind isn't by trying to not grasp.

[41:15]

It's sort of like what you were saying, through trusting. Through trusting. Some people feel like letting go is a good image. It's not by pushing away the grasping mind. But what we often do with grasping minds is like we really build them up. We really steer them up. I think there's no issue like in Zazen if a grasping mind comes up and you say, hello, and invite it in. And then when the grasping mind wants to leave, you say, yeah, you can leave. But usually we have a thought and then we really want to keep it or we make it into something. And that makes it more complicated. Thank you. We have within us the power to make the wall kind of just a gauzy, flimsy thing.

[42:24]

Can you repeat that? It occurs to me that we each have the power within us and the wisdom within us to turn what a wall is into just a flimsy, gauzy thing, like when we're not flowing. But how do we bring that forth in the moment, when we just keep hitting that wall of our own delusion? Yeah. I think there is a commitment of being intimate with just hitting that wall of delusion. I think... Again, it's not like, oh, some things we invite and other things we not. Like, if we feel like we're hitting the wall, that's not what we want. We want to have something different. If we feel like we're hitting the wall, then that's what we invite. I would say that's a little bit leaning into it.

[43:27]

I think the wall... Sorry, the picture gets a bit wild. But I feel like... The walls come forth by themselves. We don't need to run around and look for additional walls. Yeah. At least I would say don't reject it. I mean, don't hang on to it. Don't build it further up. Don't reject it. Let it penetrate you. Let yourself be penetrated by the wall. hear me yes okay Sonya maybe this is a little bit of a connector to Kika I'm one of the people that doesn't know much about Harry Potter like intimately but I looked at it a little bit and it seems like some of the themes and it have to do with death or facing death and persisting and I think

[44:37]

One wall, I think, is that we think if we get it right, we'll make no mistakes and we won't die. If we get it right, we won't get sick. And so somehow admitting that into ourselves seems like a way to approach a wall is knowing that's there for everybody. Like you said, I had good company. when you realized fear of speaking was one wall. And I wonder how you talk to yourself, like what way you speak to yourself when a wall comes up or you think it was or could be a mistake, which a mistake could be like a little death. So I wonder what are some ways that you encourage yourself or talk to yourself? one word that comes to my mind is i love you that you say that you encourage that yeah to yourself yeah i love you or i hold you by the hand little timo or

[46:06]

I will stay with this. I will not escape because that is just what I want to do in this life. It sounds like you had some trust that held you. in your little timo world maybe i'm thinking about yeah that don't have that uh ground but those were good those are good suggestions yeah yeah i definitely think that is a journey for everybody to find a place picture a way to deal to invite the walls of our lives to find the courage and also to find boundaries maybe that doesn't come so much up we invite the walls but also for some practices which are just too advanced or some people who are too advanced for us to meet we

[47:36]

can create boundaries it's not that we let everybody eat us um it is but it is like when we make boundaries i think it is a really good practice to try to make them not as a method to exclude but as a gift in compassion for this person and in compassion for the other person because that way we can create boundaries between us, but not create that separation. Thank you. I'm curious if you have a word or two of encouragement or guidance for... and I can only speak from my own experience, this talk seemed to turn around trust and how to bring that forward or take that step.

[48:43]

And what brought me to practice was an absolutely defended heart born from trauma. And so I'm curious if the... that type of inheritance of where separation and distrust, the very thing that was shattered was the capacity to trust or even to feel or even be in the same neighborhood of intimacy. And so I'm curious if there's some starting point, something essential, that can serve to touch that state. Yeah.

[49:46]

I think you are in a great place here for that. And somehow you came here. And, I mean, we have a Zendo here. We have a Zendo built for us to sit. and open up and there is a reason why this is a building and why this is not out in the rain or with all with lots of mosquitoes or whatever it is because we we practice we take a soft cushion we practice um and start at a place where this is not in a panic mode but it feels in a safe container and we can see like, oh, can I sit here for a minute or for two and dare to open up while I know that my neighbors will not jump on me or so.

[50:48]

So I think this whole development and learning, it's necessary to create yourself a space where you feel safe. to open up and from that space from that development of face in that space i could say maybe something shines then to some other places that we are not yet ready to deal with you hear me yes a little bit louder please can you hear me yes um thank you so much for your talk i really appreciate it and it seems that i heard three themes trust mind and magic and sometimes it appears that we individuals need to perform some type of ritual magic

[52:03]

in order to evoke positive change in the world. For example, in lay life, speaking up at public meetings and speaking out against injustice. And I feel this sort of energy arising such that that is a requirement at this time. And I'm wondering what magic you can suggest for me so that... I don't see that whole wall as a solid thing and that I can see it more as this gauzy thing where we're all together because it gets more difficult, I think, in lay life than when you're here on a retreat. So I'm just wondering what advice you have. Thank you. Yeah. I didn't get everything from the question, but I just respond to what I heard. and um it's a little bit related to the other question i feel like we are practicing zazen we are doing ceremonies here to prepare some people say the soil as we are farmed to prepare the soil for the growth of other plants

[53:31]

We prepare this person. We prepare for going or meeting our own walls, our own difficulties. We prepare for skillful work on what we call outside walls or what we think is out there in the world. But I feel like there needs to be really this balance of activity or activism to be rooted in work, in study of the self, in finding out what are the things that I need to open to, what are the resistances I need to meet to embrace them. like Rumi said in this poem.

[54:32]

And when we practice that really diligently and develop patience and loving kindness, then I feel like there is, this will, you could say, leak out in our activity outside and it will be beneficial. That's what I believe. Does it address your question? There's room for improvement, definitely. There's another, are we, what's the time? how to keep your experience boundaries without separation.

[55:51]

Yeah. I feel like, yeah, the question is like, I brought up boundaries. The question I understood is like, how do these two fit together, wall and boundaries, and how... are boundaries that we are setting, not separating us like walls. And I think what is a very important point here is like, how are the boundaries set? Walls are usually things which we do not, which we are not open to meet, which we go around or turn away from and don't want to look at. if we set a boundary um with awareness willingness and even better as a gift it just becomes part of the picture it's nothing we need to turn away from because this is the boundary we can you could say completely penetrate it's not that that

[57:09]

We interact with the other person, but with this boundary, we use this boundary as part. It's part of us. It's part of our life. We don't need to separate and look away from the boundary. And in this way, I feel like it's a little different from the walls which we need to meet. Maybe we can end here. I have one thing, because we are now chanting. I think I didn't mention that, the talk. We are now chanting, beings are numberless. We vow to save them. And that reminds me very much. That is just as impossible as walking into any walls. And what are we doing?

[58:12]

We vow to save them. We just, we make that impossible into a vow and trust and move forward without hesitation to save all beings while conventionally that would be totally out of any possibility. So let's do that.

[58:38]

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