This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. So yesterday I was talking about the coin, the image, stepping off a hundred foot pole. The image that... In the story of Shakyamuni Buddha, whether it's true or myth, the story goes, he stepped out of his family. He stepped out of the domestic conditions, the family dynamic that he was born in.

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He studied the non-dual teachings, the understanding of practice from a non-dual perspective. He studied the yogic of working with the breath. He studied the yogic skills of developing concentration and absorption. And even though each of the teachers of these disciplines said, you got it, why don't you stay here and help me teach it? He said, nope. Something's not quite right. Something's not finished. He stepped into the unknown to let something unfold in the way of not knowing.

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He committed to not knowing is most intimate. And he got himself into a whole lot of trouble. So unfamiliar. He climbed to the top of a very tall pole, which had a very small area in which to exist. so small it almost killed him. And then something outside the paradigm he had determinedly crafted, something outside the world that he insisted on living in, came as a gift.

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story says unbidden the casual generosity of other an eight-year-old girl cracked open that world and he took a step which before that he hadn't even complicated conceived as a possibility. This is the same con. How do we take that step? Something in Shakyamuni's story says, it's not exactly linear. It's not like you figure it out. and then you know exactly what the step is.

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It's not about mastery. It's like you master this and this and this and then as a superhero you take a step and your magic cape helps you to fly. Can we even admit to ourselves we've crafted this small world in which we insist in living? So we sit zazen to feel that world press upon us. We sit zazen to feel the experience of limitation, and in that, the sense, the request of taking a step.

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And yesterday, rather cavalierly, if I could say, I said, well, take a walk with a shoe sole. He'll show you how to do it. Just listen to the birds, look at the trees, the blue sky. What could be simpler? You know, in a way, it's totally true. What could be simpler? Just stop making up stories and see what's already here. in his commentary, poses an interesting question. He says, stepping forward, turning back, is there anything to reject as unworthy or ignoble?

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So I presented this big picture notion. The world's fierce need to change you. and your determined efforts to assert your will in the world. And they wrestle and struggle and create pain and suffering and some things conceived as successes or breakthroughs or whatever. But not to say it's resolved. Not to say, then when you've finished with that, when you've mastered that, then this step is obvious, easy, and triumphant.

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This woman says, not even to say... that where you're stepping from is ignoble or unworthy. So in Dogasan, some people came to me and expressed The world is wide open. The world is abundant, anew each day. In our own restrictions, self-imposed, which becomes more apparent as we practice, becomes more poignant.

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This still keeps coming up for me with determined effort, with determined energy. Before Shakyamuni received the gift, he barely had the strength to stay alive. according to the story, he didn't even realize it. Very interesting detail. To see what we've woven. To see its persistence. And still to say, what is the step from the top of a hundred foot pole? Even though the conditioning of my existence is still potent, is still adamant in its arising.

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What is it to step anew, afresh, into now? And of course this question has nothing to do with intellectual musing. It has everything to do with the process of experiencing life. It has everything to do as the whole practice period pivots on the last couple of days of Shashin. And we watch the arising spring capture our imagination and paint a world called the future after practice period, whatever, whatever term.

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And then we color it with whatever emotions, images, anticipations. dreadful or wonderful they may be. Are we stepping anew? Are we just reworking old stories? Is this coming as the gift that shifts, that cracks open? the hard shell of the world according to me, the gift that allows a catalyst in the alchemy of transformation? Or is this fuel for the replay of the world according to me?

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And how will we ever know if we don't pay attention? How will we ever know how that process comes into being, recreates the enclosure of conditioned patterned thought and feeling, or opens up something fresh? So the fruit of our practice period is that that sort of question matters to us. Maybe though that's not the phraseology that you would offer yourself. So be it. The fruit of the practice period is we know there's no going back.

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It's only going forward. can't relive yesterday or last week or life before the practice period. You can only move forward to tomorrow, to life after. Yon Min says, I'm not asking about before the 15th day, I'm asking about after. That's over. We're talking about now as now unfolds. And with what mind, with what heart, with what kind of inquiry is this koan engaged? What supports it?

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What kind of curiosity? What kind of noticing? You can try to gauge what you have accomplished or failed to accomplish this practice spirit. Maybe you want to measure it in terms of how concentrated you got. Maybe you're quite convinced that that period on the fourth day after lecture, something was really cooking. We'll actualize it with what arises when you take that step off the 100-foot pole into the moment of now. Or maybe your bent is more towards resigning yourself to your failure.

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Nope, I wasn't really that saddled. I never did quite let that nagging concern drop. Can you take a step from the top of that pole? that's been crafted through the weight of your conditioned existence, through the passion of your deep wish not to suffer. The immensity, the intensity of living a human life. Our noble founder, let it bring him to the brink of death.

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Life and death hovering. And then something arrives. Something always arrives. The next moment. Maybe like that joke I told, it's not the moment we want. Oh, if I was going to Dublin, I wouldn't start here. Oh, I'll be in the moment, but not this one. No thank you. I want one prettier than this. This is not the spring I'm looking for. This now doesn't meet my expectations. This is the fierce, where the fierce discipline of our practice supports us.

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This is it. This very mind. How many times have you heard that this practice period? Hey, that's sad. Repeat, repeat, repeat. Until something sinks into our bones. Even though our karmic attitude says, No. Something in this goes, this is it. What is it to sit in Zazen and discover more fully than ever before just this?

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to accompany that, not with a diligence that's crafting the perfect moment, but a recklessness that's willing to let the moment unruly, as it is, arise. One step from the top of a hundred foot pole. culmination of a practice period of diligent practice. Whether in the workings of our own karmic consciousness we think we've arrived somewhere special and wonderful, or we're utterly convinced we've screwed the whole thing up and haven't really managed anything of note.

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What is it to step out of either of those? Not to suppress them, reject them, classify them as ignoble or unworthy, but also not to let them be authoritative and definitive. So the koan I read yesterday was an illusion to this coin, which is the same thing. A monk said, atop the 100-foot pole, how can you step forward? Changsa said, the mines of Lang, the rivers of Lee. There it go, a good straightforward answer. said Zen answers were obscure.

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The monk said, huh? What? I don't understand. How could we ever understand human existence. How can we ever fool ourselves into thinking? Human existence? I understand it. But Changsa persisted. The whole land is under imperial sway. Do you use the 24 hours or are you used by the 24 hours?

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Does what arises in your mind and heart take you by the nose and pull you all over the place? Or does what arises in your mind and heart illustrate the nature of what is? Open the Dharma gate to now. Show in its workings the path of conditioned existence and the path of liberation. Does it reveal in its workings the efficacy of the six paramitas? Generosity. diligence, effort, patience, concentration and wisdom? Does it show in how it's being related to the seven factors of awakening?

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This imperial sway, unfolding of the Dharma? Is it about self power? Is it about being in control? Is it about having accomplished a special state of being and being able to assert it continuously? Suzuki Roshi gave a lecture once, and he called it being the boss of everything. And in his own charming way, he said, every moment you're in, you should be the boss. But not to mean you should be the boss.

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to me more like... Each thing teaches us, shows us, offers us a helping hand in how to be present. The myriad things come forth and display presence. From your karmic conditioning, you can meet it right back with some adamant voice that says, wait a minute. I'm running this. This is going to happen my way or I'm not playing. And yet so close to that is this innate ability to connect, to feel, to see, to hear, to taste.

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The energy of interaction. As available as the breath and heartbeat in our body. And as we connect, something unfolds. The imperial sway, the grand order of things. You know, we can dam up the creek and work diligently on having it flow back into the mountains. And if we work really hard, get big enough pumps, we can probably get some headway in that. But in the end, we'll be like Shakyamuni, exhausted, close to death.

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Or we can move with the nature of things. flows from the source into the great ocean, as does everything else. The imperial sway, as we step into conditioned existence, What is a way of relating that just doesn't feel like I'm trapped, I'm burdened, I'm overwhelmed? There's still a painful thorn from the past in my side stopping me from entering the open field.

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something holding me back. I can't even see the mountains of Luang and the river of Li. To realize what a precious moment this is. As we sit on top of the hundred foot pole. As the turning planet offers us spring. The bees swarming around the maple blossoms.

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drying out from its recent drenching. And our own bodies and minds showing the effects of all this sitting. What is it to let this be an ally? What is it to savor the imperial order? What is it to take the step of the 100-foot pole? Not because

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of our great accomplishment but just because it is the order of being and within us there is a powerful powerful drive to be alive somehow Through very poor judgment we've chosen to practice Zen. But we don't have to lament. We can still get to Dublin from here. We can still enter the moment. This practice opens its hand. The story is the young maid offered Shakyamuni a bowl of yogurt and rice.

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And this nourished him. What will nourish us today? What will nourish you? What will inspire you, support you, console you, encourage that this step into the life you've never been anything other than, into the moment that you're instrictly part of. When we allow the koan to quicken, when we allow it to be as potent and relevant as all the stories in our head, everything is under the imperial sway.

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Everywhere we turn, as Wu Min says, quoting Changsa, everywhere in the ten directions is the one body, is the total body. Everywhere the being of existence expresses itself. Everywhere the activity of shikantaza, just this, just being this. Everywhere letting go of this spell The trance, the world according to me is all there is.

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My emotions, my convictions are definitive. Everywhere stepping anew into something larger, looser and more alive. This is the great calling of human life. We can cast it as trying to catch the tiger's tail. We can cast it as going into the dragon's cage. But it's more difficult than that and it's more simple.

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We will not fully unravel the karma of even our own life, let alone what six billion hours are putting together. And still, it's possible to take the step. Collect that. to let that stimulate our effort, our non-effort, to let that invite a way of being.

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Maybe this story of Shakyamuni says, You have to be really desperate before you take the gift. Are you desperate enough? You have to hold out your hand so the gift can be put in it. Are you available? the immensity of our practice. And we thought all we had to do was get our hips loose enough, be able to count our breath up to ten, understand at least one Zen koan

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And instead we discover we have to swallow the whole world in a single gulp. We have to hold an iron ball in our throat for eternity. But everything supports us to do so. So to sit on our cushions like this, what is it to be alive? Am I just going to relive, replay, be distracted, entranced, confused by the same karmic recordings that I've heard so many times?

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Or will I step? Or will there be stepping that isn't exactly I? And as the Shuso, in his great benevolence, takes us for another walk, Will I see this universe? Will I see this planet called Earth? Will I see this valley called Tassajara? It's magical creation. Or will I content myself with my own stories? So we come to Zen practice because we have problems.

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And then Zen practice says, you think those are problems? Let me show you problems. That's chicken feed. You've got way bigger problems than that. Your problems are so big, so immense. They take away thought. They take away a sense of self. They say there's only one option. Take a step from the top of a hundred foot pole. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma Talks are offered free of charge and this is made possible by the donations we receive.

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Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click Giving.

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