Think Neither Good Nor Bad

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designer done his words
who is chanting in the microphone
i wonder
yes and i began with their own chat and then undergo the english translation

the thank you for inviting me
and sir
a player to be here in the buddha hall
is this amplification really necessary

if we turn it up just a little more than you can hear my thoughts
how can you hear can you hear this
so far so good
yeah thats kind of the cloud as much echo chamber effect
and thought i was in there
the storeroom at tassajara
and i read some of you came tonight
this morning my wife's friends
was reading the paper is as
going out the door and she said
wouldn't be surprised at man shows up tonight and i said
what's the deal on and she said to war with bannon is coming out
and i haven't seen aaron's better
evidently it's a big event and term
if i don't talk to what i was hysterical
nine across i think so something and they will be worth it's okay

selling to bring a lot of news from the diamond eyes and center which is sir
just then a fledgling a hatchling
for some years i lived in no and ahead i'm sitting group that met weekly in my living room
and two years ago little over two years ago
after some frustration and finding some other places to meet
i have an opportunity to buy
so the house and santos fan and a fixer uppers
and decided
that time
i can overcome my resistance to ownership of property
then if i blamed it on the dharma
the world has had a corporate garage in the back corner of the rats which we have the help of the sitting room
with the past were actually the the previous year
nineteen ninety five with the lot of work rebuilding attend to
turning it into at least of dry room with some low times and zephyrs and so now we have an agenda
her sixteen seats
and there's usually run available
so you can come and visit
instead the money night
sitting groups
hunter and we have tea and discussion seven thirty in the evening but i've been able to sit
with people are remaining that so some people actually join me at five fifteen and morning
ah and one of those for me to start the day with some company
settings as and together

so this morning and the zendo i was thinking of fan
have a dedicated the service too
the brother of one of my employees i have a little landscape design vending business and towns when i'm i'm playing sir
no he wants to keep it kind of i will give his name of jose jose his brother was shot
has his brother was doing an errand in richmond for jose and he was shot
and died on sunday
it's one of our teachings that to things change
and the life and death as a serious matter and we need to clarify what that's about
and for jose this is a particularly traumatic because this is the second brother in his last
i just tell you the router the story of his first brother because it's astonishing
experience when he was about eleven years old for ten years old his brother was sent two to three years older
there are living in mexico
and dance
when better at playing with horse and
because they wanted to ride a horse with his brother
and his brother in
at some point was saying i'm going to roll around on that on heavy riding with me and ten
besides the horses are nervous and spooky because there isn't a storm coming
and then so has a was
now he's really angry and his brother from that letting it ride and
he watched his brother arrives at every little here
and then he ran up to him
and as well have circled around back to him so you're pretty close together
and the next thing you know
he was lying on the ground
he brought up
and brother was gone the horse was gone
he didn't know what happened
and then it will start wandering around and discovered that his horse was lying on the ground and his brother was lying on the around and there are both dead
and they have been hit by a bolt of lightning
and he couldn't talk about that for earth fifteen years
when they he told me this when we were
on the job working in with some trains or and some high tension wires
and i think he felt guilty because he'd been angry at his brother and his brother died and
she wanted to ride and he was minutes
could couldn't possibly caused the lightning bolts
with his anger
so now two days ago she tells me that he sent his other brothers on an errand to richmond
somehow has brother got caught in the crossfire
and was shot and killed so somehow he feels probably responsible for both of these deaths

why do we come to practice

what brings us here

it's hard to
fully experience our life
it's hard to fully come to terms with
how wonderful it is in also how fragile it is
how much power there isn't it
and how
dependent it is on circumstances

i can take a man and just to ruin
remind you to breathe
we have a
a practice of bringing attention to the breath
and so if you would just say it for a moment in into you're sitting
i'm bring your attention to the breath
with the question whose breath is this

who is breath
if i say pay attention to your breast
do you hold it
now you possess it
what does it begin
where does it end
is it contained in your body

so let's just a little reflection on your breath
you quickly see that it's not your breath
that what you may sometimes claim or identify
here's something that we all share
while sharing this breath in this room
and we're sharing this brass with the
names on the wisteria
the pittosporum and the maple tree
and the grasses and the algae
what we need
the nourishment we need in our blood

so in the moment of recognizing the breath
you have a glimpse of
your interconnectedness with the whole life
it's as if the the brass
is this brass to stream
a vast ocean
and we're just little symbols
with little sucking mountains
tiny drops from this big strain
and then we make a big deal out of it
it's me

so in the midst of this we
ah as human beings we have run for opportunity
to actually realize what's going on
what is this life
we have an opportunity because
we seem to be endowed with a capacity to experience a lot of frustration
we know that
things could be better
we know that what's happening is not exactly what we wanted
i'm it that when his brother to die
he made an angry his brother
he may have been thinking i wish you were dead i wish you were going
i wish i could have the worse
but really that's not what he really wanted
that was just a part of his mind
so xinjian as a wonderful practice because it gives us a chance to see how mind works like that
i really think that if fan
well why did i started settings as and i started selling zazi and because i realized that time
i was pretty selfish
and there are various problems i was trying to solve in my own life and in the rash of the people i was living with and in the country
and i was making me so sincere and serious efforts to work on these problems but i kept finding that
somehow i was getting in the way and people our i was working with were getting in their own way
we're trying to create world peace and we were arguing with each other
we get on a and how to how to create your own place right how to how end the war and then we we are upset with each other because we have different ideas
so i feel very lucky to have this sense
the actually been offering this path
which actually goes to the root of the problem it goes below
the thinking mind
sitting is more fundamental than the thinking mind
they say
stay in the mainland can
thousand twenty three

they had not mean was pursuing my know
this is in the seventh century in china
whereas the headlong men pursuing i know
does will know if you do that i won't have to tell
not everyone not everyone has
but he was very upset
even though he was ahead months
he was capable of being very upset
and tom his teacher ten jan had announced
let nothing
the he had given birth diamonds barrel and voted i was a railroad which have been passed down for five generations ah to my numb
hence told him that he would be the next turn then a shoulder
the rhino was had no rank around then the sanga
clinton was then he wasn't even ordained
he wasn't a monk
he was away visitor who have been asked to and about and the rice dressing rooms
that's what they have one main fans through the only know and that was
it was outrageous that is tests in the habit of the tempo should make such a mistake
and ten
get body time is relevant ball to right now i'm so
so moving and various other people set out to recapture
the dharma
the ball and rome and bring it back for blonde
to found a caught up with why not going on a ridge and chance
when i turned around and saw him coming in
he put down the road when the ball on rock
and said
this is just a robe and ball it's not worth fighting for
take it
and at that point and they had not mean
ha frozen in his tracks he wasn't able to pick up the room and the bottle
this gesture of on i'm just offering it to had completely dumbfounded him
and in that moment he realized that
his life was not about
a roman a ball
that wasn't i have been practicing are those years
and so he said
we are actually i came for the diamond
hey writing said
have you want the dharma
i don't think of good
and don't think of bad
just found your original face
suddenly realized
his whole being
his true nature
and he broke out in a sweat
and for a few moments you couldn't talk and then he said
this is this is a amazing
that's when he said in chinese you said this is amazing
and in turn he said in addition to this sacred teaching is there anything else i should know
now my not said
this is not a sacred teaching
you already know it in yourself
then then being said well i've been practicing for many years who has the sangha
under hung jen and to
i never understood this
so now
yeah my teacher
and i went unsaid
the festival we feel about it let's both consider hundred and our teacher
and i can't continue to teach you please go back to
the the temple thing see if you can make some peace with the others

so then right on that often quietly practice for some years
this was on the advice of hung jen
in january that there would be trouble if you just announced this lay person's gonna be my successor so you had sent him away for his own protection
sometimes i like that story like that
where can i be true
and ten
historically the are buddhist scholars arguing about breads today and historical people can't really say is that true
but the value of the story for us and i consider my religion then
is that the
the story contains some important information
part of the information is that the
with this kind of of story and with the whole story of of why none when
had come to the
the monastery a few months earlier
and had had an encounter with hungarians and turn hundred and sober with do you come from and where do you what are you here for and he said that i come from the south and i'm here not for anything in particular just the the buddha dharma
on june so well
look from the south
you aren't even a civilized person
huh what makes you think that i knew would be qualified for
go it
finally said even though i come from the south and my southern body and your northern body are different
in the buddha dhamma
there's no difference
so this was a case of the new arrival the way
the lay person
we just arrived at the temple telling the teacher
where the teacher i already know
but then he had him just take a little position and fresh rice for a few months
i think it's really important that this stairs tab than and i was an tradition because it indicates that time where i think it's the difference between being a coat and being a universal teaching
that it is completely inclusive
it's not dependent on some particular status
ah any kind of distinctions of culture
and raised
a family background
ah the dharma is the dharma
the truth is the truth for anyone who wants to see it when on said it's not a sacred teaching
so where does this not taking a good not taking a bad as this just kind of wishy washy
i'm ambivalent kind of position

we are
if you pay attention to your thoughts it's a refined to
that you're very often
thank you
a sentence that has a like in it or dislike in it
if you pay attention you have found that unless you're very unusual
that doesn't happen
for you know it
and as things happen he will stop reacting
but like or dislike
i'm going to like or dislike and and build and sometimes it gets the support her phone
have a sangha
a group of friends
so you can get together and say that's really bad that when i was given the raven the ball
and everyone agrees that was really terrible
when i'm very far from that
at any moment
there was brought to my attention just a couple days ago that
some of that i takes three
closer associates with the marijuana were murdered and i'm surrendering in in india who just dance people who are his assistants and on was a another friend and seventy year old monk and terms
were daily
i read the article on there was an article in newsweek and this came out yesterday this weekend
i think it was probably some
tibetan buddhist fanatics who who are thinking that the diana
is violating the dharma by reaching out to people who are not buddhists
it's not so far fetched
to see how people even under the guise of buddhism
get caught in science narrow idea
and infuse that that no idea with her spirit of righteousness
when the dreadful things
it doesn't happen so often
in the history of buddhism because there's such a strong teaching the peacefulness and not harming and compassion
and of friends
but not
i'm being dogmatic
but still
these tendencies are very strong and
the human mind
so about ten days ago
for how long do i talk by the way
the a thirty something
a few more minutes
ah yes material you can move and function comfortable and if you need to go watch the lemons coming out feel free to go and
i think it's wonderful that he has come in added sampson
kind of strands to make it such a big deal and but then that's the country that we're in
ha the
next a theme and i was going to bring in into this
relates to plans and set sanga and retreat that we are about ten days ago
a place where the wonderful appropriate name called the shadows in marin county in the casio
raymond fisher of and of our habits have put some effort into
organizing some kind of an event which would be an occasion for
x abbott richard baker to me with some of the people and friends her dance
the variant bobbins and center during the time that he was avid particularly during the seventies
so i was invited to participate in was very glad that i was there
there were about thirty five people
and so branch was there anyone else on this room
think not there were just about seven people from who are now current residents from the base and center practice places and the rest of us
ah ruined are doing various things and are still practicing in many many diverse ways
some people came from long distance found your came from from austria couple of people came down from canada so it will be weekend from the east coast
frankfurt lizzie bennet john nelson lucy careful now
and term anyway
the names probably would mean that much too many of you bad town
we had done well practiced intensively together and work very hard it to helping to the rob's and center
during a very creative period in the seventies
and turn
then richard baker is and richard baker was abbott has he had been named as this as a suzuki roshi his successor by suzuki roshi and ten
i'm sure you've heard various stories about how how he left
the position of average news asked to live by the born in nineteen eighty three or at least step down for period of time there's a period of confusion and have whether we could look at various issues
and where the upshot on the walls and he left on a permanent basis there's a lot of bad feeling
now that santa was many people are actually left san center many people thought that they have been
where we were disappointed or that they've been betrayed ah
at some deep random of trust
and ten
so now it's ninety seven so fourteen years had passed
and this is the first time we've had this kind of and event
where's richard baker president of a group of people
and time
we had a facilitator gary friedman
that is going to describe a little bit of how this was set up we had ten
new earrings of thirty five people can we had
sessions of small groups were spinning in groups of five and go ahead of our dads for the where each time we met we you're in a different group of finest and
and never asked to reflect on
ah my practice back in the seventies and how that relates to today
that was where was our intention and coming there and
i'm going through all the details of the kind of the ground rules ten and we said as said zazi together
on friday night we began and saturday and sunday we want to die by saturday into the evening and sunday we ended it for in the afternoon so it was a pretty pretty earn substantial amount of time
and i was struck by a number of things when that time
there was a great range of of feeling among the people in the room some people who had never really been bothered much by
events and nineteen eighty three
i never have much conflict with richard baker
iran had some conflict with something they would our richard baker whether maybe the other people and then in in zen centres
and town
on the other end of the spectrum there are people who the rule holding i some deep
now anger and pain
and terms have never had a chance to really express it
and there are and there are many people who had gone to some process and themselves so for kind of reconciling their own feelings and and to forgiving the people that they felt had they had some difficulty with
but i talked to a number of people in between and people who sometimes express themselves very dramatically in the meeting
several of them anyway said there were surprised
what came out of them
since they started to say something
once they started to express themselves they didn't really know they didn't really know what their accounting
on person who has said
sitting right next to me of on points
they haven't i should describe a fishbowl somebody you may have been and facilitated groups where you have a fish power there's a big circle and there's a little circuit in the middle and if you want to talk to get in the little circular six chairs and ten so i intense dialogue going on in the fishbowl and everyone else
is witnessing the person who is in router serve as next to a sudden suddenly to stone
weeping and then she started sobbing
and then she's just started just like a fountain and reno and said do you want to talk him
so bad they can read
he said i don't know
since seems like you have something very say and said she sent yeah maybe so
hey the first day without fail that was rearranged for isn't going to make little room and she got in to the fish and she said to richard baker i never trusted you
i never trusted you
i and i didn't like not trusting you
but i think it was
good actually that i didn't trust you
but it's been so painful
so painful

richard baker had been he had tears in his eyes a number of times with that point he really pride
and he apologized for in damage the may have caused
then i started a person will later and she said you know
i never trusted my mother either
and it struck me how the sangha is a kind of a matter of family i mean it's a family of its kind of place where we bring out of our families with us
it's a place in which weekend ah
create hopefully a family that has the wisdom
the we can create a wisdom culture
in which we can hear and forgive and transcend
that's kind of confusion and the anger and pain
now we learned from either both families are from the family that we grew up in

and now like i said mehta family i of course as severe as there's better which means loving kindness with turkey's so we have met a family with on t and met a family with two t's
in the matter family with run to i think can really realize itself if we bring plenty of matter with two teens
so i did we wait fourteen years

there are lots of explanations for that
and even at this point the a number of people i talked to who didn't come with said they weren't ready
they weren't ready to do something like this
so what interests me now is how easy it is for us to kind of unconsciously fall into a kind of a sanga mind
the certain blinders and assumptions
and also for each one of us to kind of take our place
if you think that not thinking good and not thinking bad means that you don't express yourself
then your idealizing
not taking good and i'm thinking bad as a kind of nirvana states your idealizing a kind of estate
our practice is not to idealize any state
our practice is not even to particularly be
and i'll be healthy be happy and blissful
it's not to live in nirvana

but it's really to bring integrity
to bring some honesty and sincerity to each moment
see what it is and
listen to the moment listen to the person who is expressing themselves
and listen to your own static
your own tendency to interfere even with hearing the conversation or hearing what someone saying

at the end the facilitator said that's wonderful working with as and a group
because you have the capacity to go deep very fast
that without a lot of resistance with some coaching however
and and also you have the kind of he said the kind of regretting integrity
but never got up on
and i think that sir
something i recognize in people who do this practice and i really value
and i think we need to
recognize that value
with each other and
create occasions create occasions in which we can bring that forth
i've gone over my time
then i haven't even opened the book yes
so i'll spare you that
but is there a comment or question or something to before if we want to stay another couple of minutes
this ice like think it you
he information
it was doesn't ask to hear stories feel the ghosts
kimi of curious
try try to understate
it's been important to me
yep some western
the places
so she can get
you always do
we're question is
but i find very curious will certainly my own style
is that
ah so just when i realized
an ottawa this is like in when teaching people were
not going to ship backflip
when it seems
very easy for popular sites and corrected hope for something
and i understand if you don't like can right a that's that's real cream predicts that
but what is working against me is that there is this
not a good stems from are not crazy each other
and seventy dollars per job
of teaching is that we're not to attain to achieve your that snow
hey and for me what gets lost in there are or what comes up for me in that of situation
having been raised to catholic from to is good or bad or i'm a big meal
enough is it polarizes be ah
in an hour
in the understanding of the things there is no good here because we saw well would to see
what is not correct
and dogs are willing to see
people are a cheap know what other words used acted in yoga
the person who exemplifies on
how to cut carrots important pictures and those things and and i have found it and when i have
try to appreciate something
for someone had they literally turned away though they have been dropped yeah ah
and where i will thank in business you really this has really been nice working with you because i've really third feel like i've learned something and and personally take turns away and it's kindness resistance being praised you know so if i say thank you for making this point
when i say you want the
people don't do that best pattern already not say
worms or something for the practice is here to pick
ah for good
thing else
i was arrived but ten we are m time so thank you for listening
especially on game
pics or hundred somebody says rather than as is now stay leicester t your are powers
we have found some weekend events for have happy settings and they have settings and so long a sitting center if you like to get a calendar you can call me up and has anyone
we have one years
i know i think i think i sent one to
i remember one point without no no