This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning. Just a few moments ago when Ilda was in, not in her role of sound engineer, but Dawn, She hit the bell at the wrong time. So acted startled. And she laughed a little bit. How to preserve our diligence, our attention, our involvement in being the moment. but not tighten around it, not get caught up in some great struggle of good and evil.

[01:12]

It can be a delicate matter. Someone said to me, well, I was making my effort And it was making me nauseous. But is there any one of us who hasn't sort of veered off track either into giving ourselves a headache or just wandering off on some soft dream? the playwright Samuel Beckett said. So you failed. Start over. More diligence. Feel better. This is our practice.

[02:21]

Start over. Feel better. Miss two bills. But be completely committed. It's a delicate matter. Does anybody start off thinking, I'm going to sit here and I'm going to practice like this and it's going to make me nauseous? Way to go. No. You just find yourself where you are and you think, how did this happen? Who's doing this to me? I would say it like this, we enter into another order of being.

[03:28]

You know, in nanotechnology, the normal rules of physics, nanotechnology, is when you start to deal with things on a molecular level, the way in which they function together is different from the usual rules of physics. And as we enter this intimacy of being, the conventional world with its conventional sense of good and bad, success and failure, in the intimacy of being, There's a different standard. It's like the other day when I said to Linda and Lucy, open your eyes.

[04:34]

To me, it wasn't a criticism or a rebuke aimed at them. It was essentially the same to us all. Most importantly, myself. Open your eyes. Fortunately, while the Chisseau was giving her talk yesterday, I managed to keep my eyes open. Or maybe she would have said it to me. Once many years ago, almost embarrassingly long ago, A Korean teacher came. Unfortunately, I can't remember his name, but he was quite renowned. And he brought about a dozen monks. And they all sat up front.

[05:39]

And he started to give his talk, which I must say, by conventional standards, was, he kept saying, breathing. like a saw. And a whole dozen of them went stung asleep. They just were like complete bobbleheads. And they were sitting over here and I was sitting over there. And I was thinking, what great monks. For a long time, I felt so touched by their deep practice, their deep sincerity and engagement.

[06:42]

Like a fool. like an idiot. This is called the host within the host. Somehow our own so-called feelings undo us. Now we can get busy redoing us But as Samuel Beckett says, right after, hinting that that's the way, and feel better. He was a great believer in don't know. You know, we read these beautiful teachings.

[07:49]

Exquisite exchange between seasoned Zen master and great potential Zen student. Maybe they should have an addendum, you know. Nangaku said to Matsu, to Master Ma, what are you doing? Master Ma said, oh, I don't know, I was all space tight, I have no idea what was happening. Nangaku said, get it together, would you? Their exquisite essence is instructive.

[09:02]

But it includes all that comes up in practice. This is continuous contact. This is what illuminates, makes evident draws into consciousness the multitude of human experience. You know, on the first day I was talking about trusting the knowing innate in our being. Alighting practice has taught us. This mysterious process. Think of the many times you've read some Zen thing and thought, I don't get it.

[10:10]

You put it all down, you pick it up later, a year later, a month later, and it makes sense. Something in the process of practice is informing our being. How do we attune to that? How do we align with that? As we enter into Sushin. As we rediscover ourselves in the middle of Sushin. And then to think that that process somehow is hindered, defiled by our so-called failings.

[11:13]

As they get deeper into their conversation, Nangaku says to Master Ma, no. It so happens I have a version of this. So after their epic exchange, polishing the tile, making your effort, Beating the horse, beating the cart. For those of you who missed that part, a great tragedy for you. But essentially, we went with Dogen, who said, beat the cart, beat the horse, beat everything. And why not? And then when you're nauseous, think, wait a minute.

[12:28]

What exactly is happening here? Of course we attend to the mind and its assertions, its definitions of good and bad, success and failure. But does this extraordinary physicality of our practice this way in which the epic journey of a human life has become embodied this way in which the tenuous equation of our life is breathed in and out

[13:33]

breath after breath. And we can literally sense that embodiment. We can listen and feel to that breath flow through. And it can teach us, it can instruct us, it can guide us in ways that our cognitive mind can't grasp. So this. So Nangaku says, you're studying the Dharma gate of mind grind. As we start to come out of our dream of past and future, as we start to come out of our dream of our assertions, our great acclaims of what is now, my grandson finds the key to the side door of my apartment, which it hangs on a post.

[15:04]

which he's seen me pick up many times. And by himself, he managed to get it in the lock. And what I didn't realize at the time was the door wasn't closed. And so when he came in, I thought he'd actually put the key and turned the key. And I was truly impressed. And I said, you undid the lock? And he said, yeah. And then he said, I'm a big boy. He's two and a half. These grand assertions we make about life. I'm two and a half. What do you think? I was two and a half. Get with it.

[16:06]

You're way behind the times. Do we see through them with humor? Or do we have to be knocked over by the power of defeat? How do we ripen the capacity to engage the mind grind? How do we open up to the rippling of being that's embodied in the body? recently in astrophysics they think they've picked up measured the gravitational waves that are the after effect of the Big Bang we pick up the after waves of our so-called life

[17:38]

as it's embodied in our body of course our mind is always happy to oblige and give us its version even though a lot of it's just reruns some of it's also you know trailers for future movies. But this rippling after effect that not only gets us in touch with some deep subjectivity of our being, it also invites us into starting to connect to the nature of being, the nature of being human.

[18:44]

And if you remember, I was mentioning the Sanskrit word, prdaya, heart. Very interestingly, the teachers of this era As we see in Dogen in many of his festivals, they'll remark it as, you know, tiles, grasses, pebbles, fences. They liken it to the physicality of being, of the natural world. This mind grind. As we enter into awareness, quite naturally, our awareness starts to include not simply the particularity, but noticing the process.

[19:53]

This arose, it had its own lifespan, and then it fell away. Maybe it arose whimsically and had a kind of a neutral character. Or maybe it arose hooked some deep psychological significance and felt heavier than lead. This way in which our arisings demonstrate the nature of human consciousness. So we can see both the content, what you might call the foreground, and the background.

[20:58]

Here's the nature of consciousness displaying itself, acting out in this moment. And we start to see this mind ground, this ground of consciousness. And of course, in a way, the natural world is always offering us this teaching. So Nangaku says, you're studying the Dharma gate of the mind grind. And the activity is like planting seeds.

[21:59]

There is a learning going on. When we experience directly There's a learning about the nature of what is that's different from there's an experience, it's processed by mind in a cognitive way, and there's a conceptual outcome. Something precognitive, non-cognitive. Take your choice. But there's a learning. The essential Dharma that I speak of, this is Nan Gaku talking to Master Ma, may be likened to the rain that falls upon the seeded ground.

[23:07]

something sparks, something stimulates this innate knowing. And then, of course, usually with the light, we wrap it inside a concept, take ownership, and stand up proudly and say, I'm a big boy now. Or a big girl. And the teachings, the lure of the teachings is how do we avail, how do we make ourselves available to this Dharma, to this way of being that reveals the nature of what is.

[24:28]

And so in the first talk I was saying, trust. As we say in the ordination ceremony, trusting we're already Buddha, we enter Buddha's way. In some ways, this trust is no easy matter for us. How could we fail so magnificently in such a variety of ways if the trust was well established? And paradoxically, how would we return and return and return if the trust wasn't there.

[25:39]

And in a way, we earn our trust. As we behave in a trustworthy way, something in us opens up to that. When we rant and rave about how terrible we are or how terrible others are, I think something in us is not quite convinced. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Sure. It's all somebody else's fault. If it wasn't for them, your life would be perfect. Mm-hmm. You're the worst person in the Zen. Mm. Nobody's Zazen is as bad as yours.

[26:58]

Mm. Or equally as unconvincing. You're the most enlightened person in the center. Someone came to me once in Dogosan, quite a long time ago, just in case you think it was somewhere here. But they did say, you know, I'm enlightened. I thought happy days. Does enlightenment have any fixed marks? And then as the conversation continued, they got upset and annoyed by something. And I brought it to their attention.

[28:04]

You seem quite annoyed by that. And they said, yeah. then they linked it back to their previous statement. Maybe there's a little bit more work to do. Can all the conclusions we arrive at, can they all be tentative propositions? Maybe so. Maybe this in its way, contributes something to describing the nature of what is. I mean, aren't you a big boy if you know to put the key in the lock? I mean, isn't that an accomplishment? I doubt an 18-month-year-old could do that.

[29:07]

They wouldn't even have the concept of a key. But as the mind grind starts to see the workings of mind, the for and against, the process of concluding, the process of striving and straining and then loosening You know, our practice as we're in the throes of Shashin has more to do with veering off track than staying on track. The mind wanders

[30:19]

And in that moment of noticing, in that moment of drawing that which was outside of awareness into relationship with awareness. This extending and integrating what presence is. What the object that was by first impulse heading towards unawareness integrated into awareness. As we settle, as the attentiveness becomes more persistent,

[31:22]

the wonderings are less. But still, the mind can conceptualize literally in a fraction of a second. It's not for nothing that Dogen says When Dharma fills your body and mind, you realize something is missing. When you're present, the dynamic nature of what is becomes more evident. then you see the notion I'm a big boy is just a mere concept.

[32:32]

Fortunately, by my observation, when you're two and a half, you don't cling to it too long. It's more important things like Thomas the Train and other such matters. So the mind grind as we immerse, as we let go of the constructs and the judgments and the conclusions. And then the particulars arise Or as Nanganku says, they water this mind grind. And there's a flowering, something arises and illustrates, informs the nature of what is.

[33:57]

And so we say stupid things like not knowing is most intimate. Just trying to aim at something. Trying to speak about something that can't be spoken about. And the danger for us can be that we make it this precious tiny territory of one moment of excellence between Nangaku and Master Ma. But it's every moment. What do you do when you discover your nauseous?

[35:05]

Pay attention. What do you do when you discovered the way you're sitting has given you a headache? Pay attention. What do you do when you realize that just because your body isn't hurting, You sent your mind on vacation. Come back. Pay attention. What do you do in that moment of allowing the inhale? You notice something won't allow the inhale. There's just a stickiness, hesitancy. Pay attention.

[36:16]

What do you do when there's odd waves of energy and contraction and turning in the body? Pay attention. All this arises from the ground of being. It isn't not what's happening. It is what's happening. This is what helps the fundamental trust of practice. as we start to sense this enormous generosity that's available for our human life in this wonderfully perplexing notion what insists on limiting it what insists

[37:37]

struggling with it what insists it should be different and the response to that is not to bring forth good and bad success and failure the response to that is opening the hand of thought and allowing what is. Experiencing what is. And this is the way of being that generates, that expresses trust. And for good measure, it brings with it patience with the human condition.

[38:40]

For good measure, it brings with it compassion. How touching that someone would proceed and persist with their diligence to the point of nausea. How courageous. Can we relate to ourselves like that? Not to...

[39:46]

Endorse a sloppiness. Sloppiness is no fun. It sort of seems like it's fun, but actually diligence is much more fun. It's more dangerous. When you keep paying attention, it creates its own intensity. You know, normally the mind wanders off. It's a way of releasing something. Oh, that bothers you? Well, just have a daydream. Okay, this is not something you want to think about. Just distract yourself. What would be fun to relive that story, that painful story you also always like to relive?

[40:55]

Go for it. You know how to feel bad. Visit it again. But in the diligence, we short circuit those games we play with ourselves. The authenticity the terrible authenticity of now starts to emerge. And it hints at what is it to be now. helps us see how almost essential patience, compassion are in relating to the human condition.

[42:00]

When you're busy wandering all over the place, hey, who needs compassion? Who needs patience? In the diligence of now, we all do. We all need it. Because when the Dharma fills your body and mind, you realize something is missing. Come up with any strategy, any concept you like. You are not going to pin this existence down into what you want it to be. In a way, directed attention, short-circuiting the coping strategies, gets us into trouble, kind of existential trouble.

[43:10]

Receptive attention is the balancing factor Sometimes it's a useful strategy. When you're doing a number on yourself, sometimes it's helpful. Open up. See. Hear the ring. Feel the sensations in your body. Let this mind mental state be one expression of consciousness among many. So shamatha, vipassana, directed and receptive, they work in harmony.

[44:16]

The shamatha helps us make the contact. It helps us sustain now. and receptive consciousness opens it up, balances it, puts it in perspective. And then Nangaku says to Master Ma, the way you're practicing, with this diligence, you're cultivating the mind grind. Not as a conscious thing, not as a cognitive thing, it's just being intimate with being is cultivating the mind heart grind. This is innate in our being and this mind heart grind receives the experience

[45:27]

The nature of what is, is illuminated. And it's time to quit. And here's a poem by Taha Muhammad Ali. Neither music nor fame, nor wealth, nor not even poetry itself could provide consolation for life's brevity. Or the fact that King Lear is a mere 80 pages long and comes to an end. And for the thought that one might suffer greatly on account of a rebellious child. Neither music, fame, nor wealth, nor even poetry itself could provide consolation for life's brevity, or for the fact that King Lear is a mere 80 pages long and comes to an end, or for the thought that one might suffer greatly on account of a rebellious child.

[46:54]

So the gods have sent us rain. Maybe a hint that it would be helpful at this point in Shishin to stay indoors and do Zazen rather than wander frivolously doing outside kinheen. Who knows what the gods have in mind. It's so easy to take any moment, any experience and drag it into the agendas of our kormic life. somehow confining the fact that we've made great efforts to come here and do Sushin.

[48:28]

We've made great efforts to come here and study the great matter of human existence. The great matter of all existence. So I would say, please, Maybe the gods have it right. It is a good day to stay indoors. Take advantage of the situation. Be reckless, as Beckett says. Begin over. Be more diligent. Feel better. Enter the reckless territory of now. What is going on?

[49:32]

Let it teach you. Beyond words. beyond good and bad. Let it teach you how to live, how to be, how to let the human life that's beating in your heart and breathing in your lungs and coursing in your blood, how to let the human life you're living be alive. How could it not be? What a great mystery this practice is. Thank you. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center.

[50:45]

Our Dharma talks are offered free of charge and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfzc.org and click Giving.

[51:07]

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