This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning. The difficulty you have right now is the difficulty you will always have. I'm quoting Suzuki Roshi. The difficulty may not be what you think it is. It doesn't mean you'll always have the difficulty of second day seshin, necessarily.

[01:00]

which for years I thought was the worst possible day, second day of Sashin. It's like it really hit me that everything was hopeless. There was no way out. And my body would be in pain. And I would begin to wonder what the hell I'm doing here. in hell so I don't know that may I can imagine that could be happening on the second day for someone else anyway although at some point I gave up and I didn't think about it so much and it wasn't so much of a problem Second day, yes.

[02:02]

Maybe third day is worse. We'll have a silent day tomorrow. Third day, we'll have a silent day, so we'll have a chance to do more bowing. sustained concentration I think of Silent Day practice is can be quite wonderful peaceful so I invite you to enjoy Silent Day a couple of things I wanted to mention oh about chanting chanting I'd like at the first session we asked people to use the chant books the sutra books all the time now I think we have them by our seats but I'd like people to use the sutra books for the names of the Buddhas and ancestors seem pretty sloppy actually to me

[03:27]

Today, I'm sorry to say. And the tanto has mentioned it, I know, in work circle. The macrons, the diacritical marks over the vowel sounds, the names of the Japanese romangi that we're chanting. It's just a little bit longer vowel sound. But it means that the ones that don't have that longer vowel sound are not long. So this morning I was noticing myself. I'm not so accurate with that myself. Particularly on the ones after Kazon. But I think all the way through we can refine our attention on that. And then also listening to each other and listening to the Mokugyo.

[04:34]

I think the chanting has sometimes not been right with the Mokugyo. So listening attentively, I think everyone should be saying the syllable exactly when the Mokugyo hits. Exactly when the Mokugyo's sound is when you should... say the syllable so if you're not sure you know if you're not really sure of the dahi shindarani or the hanyashin gyo it's maybe helpful to take up the book the sutra book so that you're I think some people may be kind of depending on each other too much waiting oh I'm waiting for the next person and then I can come in right But even a millisecond there of hesitation kind of adds up. And across the room, people are out of sync with the Mokugyo.

[05:35]

So I'd like the... Of course, tomorrow is a silent day, but the rest of today... Tonight... So hopefully people will remember this for the day after tomorrow when we're particularly doing morning service. I know that's a stretch to remember such a thing. But it is, as we say, listen or chant with your ears. Chanting with your ears is this kind of refined attention. You should be able to actually hear everyone in the room independently and in concert along with your own voice contribution. this is sometimes a wonderful sound and when we're all right together it's quite it's quite moving actually to me I think what else I was going to say tomorrow's a silent day chanting

[06:57]

Oh, dokusans. Yeah, let's see. Dokusan, I'll start doing after this talk. But I'd like during session that dokusans to be brief. You know, I think 10 minutes or less. Maybe a little more. So there's some flexibility. Not exactly watching the clock, but a feeling of being able to come in, do the bows, be seated. find your breath, and express yourself. Is there something that is coming up in your practice? Something to report? Or some question? It's good to have. And it can be what's coming up right then. It's like... You don't need to think in advance. If you have some thought in advance, okay, you can make a note of it.

[08:09]

But it's good to be just staying with yourself throughout the whole session. So what's coming up this moment is perfect, completely valid, whatever it is. So to bring that into your doksan. This is just a chance to meet in the present, present moment. So as we're refining our practice, present moment, present moment, present moment throughout the sashin. It's a challenge. This is, I know, toward the end of the ango. And you might have a tendency to be making plans. What to do or what's it going to be like during the visits that I make with other people during the interim or whatever.

[09:17]

So when you notice the planning mind, the planning mind is okay, of course. We need to make plans sometimes. But see if you can do planning mind just enough. Just like the oryoki means just enough. So you take just enough nourishment and you take just enough, say, mental planning nourishment to take care of your life and then that's enough. Set it aside. So there's, I know, a tendency, maybe some anxiety to add on to more and more and more stories about what could happen or various scenarios. So to respect that the kind of karmic habit mind wants to keep going as it usually does.

[10:20]

But this practice is to be aware of it and govern it, actually. Govern it with the discipline of present moment awareness. So the breath is always a wonderful touch tone to keep finding again, finding again, this experience, this moment, fully living in this breath moment. Oh, yes, millet. This morning's wonderful millet. So my own mind took off. Because I happen to know that millet grows where many other grains don't grow so well.

[11:35]

and can so it's not really a grain it's not a grass but it is we use it as a grain and I think in Japan it was considered kind of a poor food if you couldn't afford rice or something rice is more desirable but actually millet has more protein particularly than white rice and And it's good nourishment. But in many parts of the world where they have trouble growing grains, in India, parts of China, Nepal, so forth, and in Africa, much of Africa. So I was eating my millet, and then I was recalling that my brother, my middle brother, Frank, is... maybe eating millet in Burkino Faso because he's in Burkino Faso this week helping to get a school built.

[12:45]

My brother Frank is pretty good at getting things done. Much better than I am. And so I was feeling very grateful to him and feeling like this connection through the millet with my younger brother. And then I was reflecting some gratitude for him that I would not be here if it were not for him. In a number of different ways, that's true. He saved my life once, which I won't go into that story. But then he also... took on the filial responsibility of taking care of the family, taking care of my parents when I went off to do Zen practice.

[13:51]

So we had an agreement that, okay, I can go do Zen practice. Which is what he wanted to do. He wanted to stay there and take care of the the place and live in Kansas. He was quite happy living in Kansas. I was not happy living in Kansas at that time. So I'm grateful to him. We have an interesting relationship. I'll call him up and I'll say, Brother Frank, and he'll say, how's the Zen Pope? I'll say, you know we don't have a Pope in Zen. He said, what about the Dalai Lama?

[14:52]

He said, he's not Zen. He said, well, pretty fancy. He came to the mountain seat ceremony. But you should understand that Pope is a derogatory term in Mennonite culture. Many Mennonites died, were tortured and killed in the 16th and 17th centuries in particular. So because of the Pope's having temporal power and being threatened by these renegade Anabaptists. So anyway, Pope is kind of humiliating. Excuse me to the Catholics in the room.

[15:57]

This is interesting kind of... historical, cultural influence that continues in various ways. But anyway, we have a good relationship these days and he spent some time actually in Africa doing kind of Peace Corps work and and goes back every once in a while although I don't know if he's been in Burkina Faso before and then he's going to Kenya next week so we're eating millet with many people around the planet and I think it's kind of a good thing that we know a little bit about where our food comes from and that we share this

[17:02]

very common kind of nourishment. So in eighth century China, we've been studying the Sandokai and our ancestor who composed the Sandokai was pretty old I think in his mid-80s when he received a visitor named Layman Pang. Layman as in not a priest.

[18:10]

Layperson Pang. So Pang was he'd been in say a Confucian family for many generations. His family was well versed in all of Confucius' teaching and culture. But at some point, he wasn't so satisfied. And he started studying Buddhism. And then he decided he would go and visit various Zen teachers. And so he visited Shido and he presented him with the question, Who is the one who does not accompany the 10,000 dharmas? And Shido reached out and put his hand over Layman Pang's mouth. And Layman Pang had some realization at that point.

[19:13]

So this may be warm hand to mouth. Resuscitation. Liberation. Warm hand to warm mouth. Transmission. Transmission. So, Lehmann Pong stayed around for a while, evidently. There are many stories, actually. So there's a whole book of anecdotes of his visits with various teachers. In fact, some of the teachers that he visits with are only known through the stories of Lehmann Pong. And so I don't know how they were collected. He had various friends, you know. because he would meet with government officials who were his, let's say, former buddies. But the Pong family, it was quite an eccentric family.

[20:16]

And at one point, they took all of their household possessions, including their money, it is said, put them in a boat and drilled holes in the bottom of the boat, and sunk it in the river. He said, I don't want anyone else to be burdened by these material possessions. So then they wandered around from place to place. But evidently one of the earliest encounters he had was with Zen Master Shin Do. And he would come back again. And so when he came back and visited another time, Shido said, can you tell me what have been your daily activities lately? And Layman Peng says, I should read, I wrote it out here, the poem.

[21:25]

He responded with a poem, which maybe he had ready for the occasion. He said, My daily activities are not unusual. I'm just naturally in harmony with them, grasping nothing, discarding nothing. In every place there is no hindrance, no conflict. Who assigns the ranks of vermilion and purple? The green mountain's last speck of dust is extinguished. this miraculous power and marvelous activity, drawing water and carrying firewood." So that's Lehmann Pong's response to Shido and Shido gives his approval of his understanding and asks him, will you take up black robes? And then Lehmann Pong says, no thanks.

[22:29]

I will continue to freely follow my own inclinations. Something like that. So he did not become a priest or a monk. Shido asks, will you put on black robes? It's a question. Will you join the monastic order? And Lehmann Pong turns him down. and then goes and visits Matsu and various other teachers. But this, as I was looking at this this morning, it's this line, who assigns the ranks of vermilion and purple? I remember when we were reading Sawanka, and I think the tanto asks, what about the color vermilion? And so this... I wondered then whether Shido got it from Leiminpong.

[23:32]

Leiminpong got it from Shido, I don't know. This is, but maybe, this was just a common phrase. What about this whole matter of status? This is... Kind of a big deal, particularly for Confucian Chinese. Status is very important. Much of your behavior is governed by a very closely organized, ranked system. And you knew your status. But there was some ability for people to... It wasn't like a rigid caste system in India where you were assigned your status... from birth, but in China you could, by studying and passing exams and so forth, you could move up the ranks in this Confucian system.

[24:37]

But this is a question of going beyond ranks, going beyond ranks. I'll read it one more time. My daily activities are not unusual. I'm just naturally in harmony with them, grasping nothing, discarding nothing. In every place there is no hindrance, no conflict. Who assigns the ranks of vermilion and purple? The green mountain's last speck of dust is extinguished. This miraculous power and marvelous activity drawing water and carrying firewood. This last phrase is frequently kind of quoted a little differently, chop wood, carry water. One of our No Race t-shirts, I think that Linda Ruth did, I think it says chop wood, carry water or something.

[25:40]

Anyway, this is drawing water, carrying firewood, but same idea. So this is Miraculous activity. Each day, each movement, each moment. Miraculous activity. So the Pong family, I can't resist telling another story or two, but they were quite something, these Pongs. So it was said that his daughter, he had a son and a wife, a son and a daughter, and they would travel around and maybe temporarily live in various places once they gave up their house. And they might show up as guests at various monasteries. So who knows? Maybe some version of the Pong family shows up here at Tassajara

[26:45]

during Sangha week or some other time. But anyway, they would make little baskets and things and sell them for their daily food and live this life of no hindrance, no conflict, being in harmony. One time, Laman Pong was looking at how difficult this practice is. And he said, how difficult, how difficult. It's like trying to put a sesame seed on each leaf of a big tree. his wife said how easy how easy it's just like touching your feet to the floor when you get out of bed and his daughter Ling Chao said neither she said neither difficult nor easy on every blade of grass

[28:15]

the ancestors' teaching. And so I think there was a particular close relationship with Lehman Pong and his daughter. So Lehman Pong once was walking and coming over a bridge, stepping off a bridge, she tripped and fell to the ground. And his daughter saw him and so she ran up and threw herself down beside him. And he said, what are you doing? She said, I saw Papa fall, so I'm helping. And so he got up and brushed himself off and said, luckily no one was looking. So I always thought this is a wonderful... An example of compassionate practice.

[29:15]

His daughter being willing to fall down with her papa. Papa falls down, okay, I'll join him. Very interesting people, these pangs. So this morning I said in zazen, I said something about this body and each part of the body having its own space. Each part of the body doing zazen in its own way. And mentioning various bones, sitting bones, vertebrae. And then I thought, Later I thought, people, when we think of bones, actually we may think of bones being dry.

[30:23]

Because usually when we think of a picture of a skeleton or we see a skeleton or we see bones, they're dry. But our bones are full of water. Our bones in our body, our living bones, are full of water. We are full of water. And water is exactly doing the right thing every moment. When you consider Tassajara Creek, and every drop of water in Tassajara Creek is exactly where it's supposed to be. Is that right? Who can argue? Who can argue with each drop of water in Tassajara Creek being exactly where it should be?

[31:23]

And where does Tassajara Creek end and where does the water end? You might think that you're separate from Tassajara Creek, but actually Tassajara Creek is flowing right through your bones. Each drop of water and each vertebrae, each molecule of water, each vertebrae flowing through your body in absolute perfection. I can't understand. It's inconceivable. How is it that two gases come together, right? molecules of hydrogen and one of oxygen come together form this bond very hard to break it must be hard to break this bond that's so durable that it can be frozen and it can be flowing as liquid and it can be

[32:46]

a gas. It can be clouds. Hearing the sound of Tassara Creek is hearing your own body sound. Knowing your breath is also the flowing of the creek. Each breath we are releasing moisture. Each breath comes in, the in-breath is kind of dry, a little bit drier, cooler. The out-breath is warm, moist. I don't know how many, somebody probably has calculated. the average number of molecules in a drop of water.

[33:49]

Do you know, Shogun? You were nodding your head, I thought. Some scientist in the room may know. I don't know. Maybe thinking about that too much would be like medieval scholars talking about angels dancing on the head of a pin, right? But we talk about billions of Buddhas and bodhisattvas are supporting us. Any size, you know, tiny, tiny, tiny bodhisattvas are helping us. So this water flowing through our bodies, you know, and it's, we take it, we drink it, We drink water. We drink tea. It comes in, you know, almost all of our food has some moisture. Some has a lot.

[34:51]

So this is, you know, receiving a bowl. What was that liquid this morning? Almond something. Someone said it was almond. How do you milk an almond? I don't know. What? What? Warm up your hands first. Make you warm up your hands in the process. Anyway, almond milk must be mostly water, right? So we're taking it in. So I'd like to thank you. This is all the flowing of Tassajara Creek. We are not... Since we are here, we are Tassajara Creek. We are Tassajara. We are the mountains and we are the water. So as you take up this practice of refining your attention moment by moment, you may have more of a feeling of this intimacy that your bones are not dry, that your bones are flowing.

[36:09]

that your body, every moment, excuse me, every moment is exuding moisture and receiving, receiving, you know, this nourishment. And sometimes we release it and Perspiration, sometimes we release it as breath. Sometimes we release it as mucus, urine, feces. Sometimes we bleed a little. I recently was bleeding a little. Sometimes we cry. So tears, these are all Tashara Creek. the flowing of Tassara Creek. We're very fortunate here to have cold springs and hot springs.

[37:21]

This is such a unique place, cold springs and hot springs. So our drinking water comes from cold springs a little ways up this Kabarga Creek watershed. And then we bathe in the hot springs and are heated. This floor of our building is heated with a hot spring. So Tassajara Creek includes the heat deep in the earth coming up and contributing that water also to Tassajara Creek. so marvelous our activity is nothing out of the ordinary drawing water picking up the chopsticks so any questions

[38:43]

before we stop here. It's all pretty clear. Very clear. This present moment, fact, this moment. This is not so clear. There's one robe and another robe. There we are. Yes? Maybe he didn't feel like a Dharma teacher at that moment. Even such an enlightened person as Laman Pong might be embarrassed to fall down and then

[39:48]

have his stupid daughter fall down too so it's okay I think it's okay we sometimes feel embarrassed yes The sound of the creek comes in like knives and not comforting at all. And then I feel like I'm missing the point. I'm not a part of what you see as the beauty and what you were talking about, the topic of water and drops. And it makes me really sad.

[40:48]

time you express that word it just feels like more staffing yeah sometimes this experience is like that like 10,000 knife points So that goes back to Lehman Pong's question. Who is the one who does not accompany the 10,000 knife points? 10,000 dharmas, 10,000 knife points. So who is that one who is not separate from the 10,000 knife points? So this is actually a good koan so what is the sensation of it exactly and and can I you know maybe I can't stand it I can't stand it so who's the one that can stand it that's not me that's what I don't that's the part I don't get at who's the one who can stay present yeah

[42:21]

Katagiri I think I don't know if I mentioned this here before this time but when Katagiri went to Minnesota people were saying it's so cold so cold in Minneapolis and he came and in one of the talks he gave a green gulch coming and I don't know a few years after he'd been living most of the time in Minnesota he said he he took a walk around the lake and it was freezing and The lake is freezing and snowing and he was feeling, I think he was feeling the knife points. And then, but then he, at some point he said, oh, it's just a tingling sensation. Just a tingling sensation. So there's some point at which he stopped thinking.

[43:33]

knife points and simply was willing to be not himself afraid of cold so yeah we'll see how it is the rest of the week if we get another big storm then you missed it you missed the real roaring we had a few days ago and Yeah, sometimes we can't stand it. And sometimes literally can't stand it. And sometimes it's an idea, we can't stand it. Sometimes this sound could actually end our life, end this life. The sound is too much. But that's okay.

[44:38]

This practice is to be with your life, receiving it, with your life ending it. With your life being born, with your life ending. It's a shame to miss it. So this is completely beyond human speculation. Again, this is a category favorite phrase. Completely beyond human speculation. He would say speculation. Completely beyond human speculation. I'm making a little fun of him, but anyway, it's very dear to me, hearing his voice. This life that we call our life is actually beyond. the human preferences, evaluations.

[45:42]

This is also the teaching of the Sandokai, beyond difference in unity. Thank you, kitchen. So this whole time, this sashin, very important opportunity to come out of your thinking mind and come into your body, intimately into your body. Intimately is to be willing to be present. Not distancing oneself from the pain of this life.

[46:46]

So, noticing, oh, I have the idea, oh, this is too painful. And I know I've spent many, many hours myself trying to think of the most dramatic language to describe the pain in my knees. You know? which you have your own I could go on and on but I won't but then what's it like to step back from the verbal description of how painful it is to what is it what is the actual sensation right now Where do I feel it most precisely? This is also a good practice at the dentist.

[47:50]

Actually, it's a good practice anywhere, anytime. Someone asked me when I had my hands stitched up, was I awake? and was I looking and yeah right in front of me I'm looking at the needle going in but actually the more painful part was washing it out before they did that the stitching it up but but not turning away this is our practice not turning away from the sensations in our own body If the sensations in our own body were too much, we would already be dead, right? You would already be dead. You would already be killed. Or you would be, whatever, broken, bleeding, something. We'd be carrying people out of the Zendo on stretchers all the time.

[49:02]

But we think it's too much, you know. Oh, I can't stand it. So part of this practice, Zen practice, is this capacity, understanding that our capacity to be present goes beyond our familiar comfort zone. And again, it's important to pay attention. As you do pay attention, you also take care of yourself. So if you are in a place where you're actually causing harm, some kind of permanent damage or maybe longer term, nothing is permanent, right? But longer term damage, then take care of your body and move and change your posture if you need to. So moment by moment, this is

[50:06]

Refining your attention helps you to take better care of your body. Sometimes I have... This morning I was having a kind of unusual amount of pain in my lower back. And so I'm just breathing with it. Feeling, okay, does it... And maybe just tuning in. So there's a sense of a tuning in to... what is being in alignment and this awareness and tuning in itself is is taking care is actually taking care of one's own body and healing one's own body so this is and so fear is not helpful the sensations in the body are very helpful are absolutely essential so but But fear of the pain, even to say pain is a generalization, right?

[51:09]

So the sensations are much more refined and subtle. We don't really necessarily have words. So beyond words, this is a practice beyond words of working with your own, taking good care of your own body inside. Does that make sense? OK. Yes? It kind of makes sense. But for me, and I project for others, here is also in the light. It's not purely that mental formation, but there is a lot of physical sensation that could be associated with that word. So one is experiencing both the sensations that are often associated and also the sensations that are also associated with fear. How does one skillfully work those two in this case that could be that?

[52:15]

They're not two. Yeah. Yeah, as you say. So this is. Right. Yeah. That's clumsy language. And still, there's some significance to that. There's some meaning to that. And this is working with the practice of being right at the place where one can say, believe in my say, previous interpretation And I can actually see that the fear is, there's something that I'm adding called fear that's added. And when I can see that, then I can actually, as soon as I see that, it's different. Awareness of it is already different than being, say, in the throes of it or being invaded by it in terms of the sutra I was reading yesterday.

[53:31]

that it's being invaded by it or that it remains as something that one is attached to. So, over much, much zazen, the places of fear that are held in the body and actually held in the tissues of the body also, are understood differently. And your capacity to simply be present and peaceful and have some sense of equanimity with a whole range of sensations is part of what happens with this practice. And it applies to everything in your life. Oh, yeah, you can be present with discomfort. You can be present with impermanence. in all kinds of ways.

[54:35]

You can also be present with what you wish was impermanent, right? Which seems so resistant, but is also impermanent. Is that helpful? It's still difficult. And it is beyond language. Yeah. That's a lot. Yeah. Right. So to appreciate that and appreciate that thought, you know, this is, you know, we all, we all have our limits of many kinds, you know, and at any given moment, oh, here's my limit.

[55:45]

And sometimes it's interesting to say, well, there's my limit, but what if I see if there's one more breath before I die? I think it's my limit, but... Oh, wait a minute. Here's an in-breath. Hasn't killed me yet. Here's an out-breath. So... Sometimes it's like that. Again, when I say it, it sounds like words, but it's actually more of it's in the realm of non-thinking. Dropping, dropping, letting go of thoughts, letting go of thoughts, and simply seeing what is.

[56:50]

I'll stop with non-thinking, since we've arrived at non-thinking. Thank you for listening, and please continue your practice. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered free of charge and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit SSCC.org and click Giving.

[57:26]

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