This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good evening. I'm always really happy to be able to sit up here and... speak with all of you, to share the space with you. And tonight I think I'm particularly happy because I want to talk about taking refuge in Sangha. A couple weeks ago, if you were here so long ago, it feels like so long ago now, Greg talked about taking refuge in Buddha, and Leslie had already been planning to talk about taking refuge in Dharma, and I had, as it happened, already been planning to talk about taking refuge in Sangha, and we had not discussed this ahead of time.

[01:06]

So somehow synchronicity is working well in this valley. I was reflecting with some people sitting at breakfast a little while ago, what a miracle work period is and guest season is. It just feels like a miracle to me every year. This is my eighth summer, I think. Yeah, my eighth summer. But my ninth work period, because I've come a couple times before that. And I was thinking that the miracle that is Tassajara all year round, but particularly somehow for me in the summer, It's a miracle, but it doesn't just happen. It sort of happens because of Buddha Dharma Sangha and willingness, sort of a radical willingness, and a lot of hard work.

[02:15]

So thank you all so, so very much for your willingness and your great efforts. It's just amazing to watch the transformation in Tassajara on so many levels going from practice period into work period into the summer. The physical transformation, the energetic transformation, just the beautiful energy that comes into this valley. I was also reflecting the other day with Allison, the work leader. You know, we were talking about how are we going to get everything done and, you know, we open in a week. So I was like, oh, we really have to plan. What are we going to do? How are we going to do all of this with, you know, the people that we have?

[03:20]

And I was, I suddenly remembered my first work period almost 20 years ago now. And I was on the kitchen deep clean. Actually, it was, I think they were refinishing all the shelves in the kitchen, like taking everything off the shelf, sanding them down through all the finish and then refinishing them. And it was a night job, obviously, because you have to do that when the kitchen's not in there. And then you only work at night. You don't work in the day. You only work at night. And I thought, well, I've been going to bed late anyway. This is great. Then I get the day off. I work at night. That sounds like fun. So I went to the first night. It was fun. It was sanding things. It was really great. And then the next night I said, OK, I'll do that again. I showed up. There was nobody from my crew from the night before on that night. It was me and some totally new people. So I was in charge. And much later, I found out that the skilled people had been pulled to refinish the bathhouse doors, which I hadn't known at the time.

[04:31]

I just thought, what's happening? This is my first time here. It was my second night ever. And how did I end up being in charge? I think I ended up being in charge just because I said yes, I was there, and I said yes, and I didn't leave. And for a long time, I thought that was just crazy. I thought there was something really wrong with this. And later, I realized that that was not entirely unusual. And in more recent years, I realized that on some very deep level, that's how Tassajara works, and that's how all of our lives work. You know, it doesn't look like what we think it's supposed to, but there we are and we show up. And I realized that Tassajara goes on being because there are enough people who just do crazy things like that, who just say yes.

[05:39]

And then Allison remembered that I think it was maybe her first day of work period, but she'd, I forget the sequence, maybe she'd done a practice period before or something, anyway. She'd been at Tassajara, but she'd never done a kitchen practice period. And she said her first day of work period, she had been asked to make breakfast, which is even crazier. And I said, did the Tenzo come by? I said, oh, yeah, he came by. Kind of looked in on her. Yeah, you're doing okay. Like, yeah, this is amazing. We can all do so much more than we think we can. And the fact that we're willing to extend that way for ourselves and for each other is just, it's like that's how the miracles happen. It's like we just keep edging out on a little bit over what we think is actually possible.

[06:41]

And we just keep going that way. I mean, looking back at the history of Zen Center, it's amazing that all of this exists. And it all happened just by people extending beyond what looked reasonable and taking something on trust. And I think in many ways that is a deep foundation of taking refuge in sangha, is that kind of... trust. In early Buddhism, the Buddha talked about faith or trust a lot. The word in Pali is shraddha. It means faith or trust. It also has connotations of humility or perseverance. And it's really based on experience.

[07:44]

It's based on showing up being there, seeing clearly how things happen, how they work. Another kitchen experience that I... Kitchen is such a powerful place of practice. You know, all these things happen in the kitchen. But my kitchen breakfast experience, I was doing kitchen practice period. It was with... It was a very large practice period, I don't know, 70-some people maybe. So a lot of food to go to those 70 people. And I was making tofu hash. So tofu hash is a little complicated to do because you have to roast the potatoes separately from baking off the tofu, and it's all on sheet pans. Because the ovens don't heat so evenly, you have to pull it out. regularly and spin them around and put them upper shelf, lower shelf, cook onions, do the whole bit, and very heavy.

[08:52]

And I was not very strong. And the Tenzo was in the kitchen, and he was sitting over at his desk sharpening knives, very calmly, very methodically, and not paying any attention to me. And I was feeling pretty neglected. increasingly worried because I wasn't sure that I was going to be able to pull this off. There's a time during the practice period where breakfast is served, period. It's not like you can wait to ring the bell. It just, that's when it happens. Whatever you have, you serve. I remember this feeling of, I'm just going to start crying right now. I was so tired and anxious. And then I had the thought, this is not going to help. I'm not going to get breakfast out if I kind of give up right now. So I just kept going.

[09:54]

And it all went fine. Tenzo came over once in a while and kind of looked at things and said something and then went back. And we ate breakfast together afterwards. And I said in a slightly offhand way, pretending to be very offhand, something about his not. quite being there, and he said, oh, you looked like you had it completely under control. I was very aware of what you were doing, and you looked just fine. We had a whole conversation about this, and it was great, because from his point of view, he was completely trusting me. He had complete confidence that I could do this if I'd given indication I needed help or that I wasn't doing well. He felt like he would have been right there. So we had these very different stories going on. And for the longest time, I thought that my story was right. That he really wasn't attending. And now I see what a gift he gave me.

[10:54]

Because he let me find my own way. He gave me a lot of responsibility and a lot of trust. And he let me do it. And later, I really appreciated that. And I thought, oh. So if I have a hard time trusting myself, I also have a hard time trusting other people that they can do it. So I found that as I trust myself more, I can extend a lot more trust to other people. Yeah, you can do it. I've seen lots of people do it. I know you can do it. And then people do it. It's so great. It's really great. So the word sangha means community, roughly translated as community. Originally it had two related meanings. One was the community of arhats or stream enterers, those who had tasted the freedom that the Buddha taught.

[12:03]

And the other meaning was the community of ordained monks and nuns, you know, in the Buddhist time. So the one, you could say, is kind of the ideal. And the other is just us folks, you know, just human beings. Because, of course, over time, the meaning of sangha has widened very, very much. And it's now very inclusive. You know, like, regardless of what your ongoing relationship with practice or tasahara is, you know, while you're here, you're part of the sangha. You're part of the community. Yeah. So there's an outward sense of taking refuge in sangha. in the sense that the Buddha taught of these kind of ideals of behavior or ideals of guidelines, such that we can be inspired by the people that we see, by the people that we encounter.

[13:21]

And we can see that they are in their being some way that we want to be. that touches us deeply, that resonates with something deep inside of us. There are many stories about people meeting the Buddha. One of the first people who met the Buddha after his awakening said, are you a man or a god? And the Buddha said, neither, I'm awake. And many people have stories about meeting Suzuki Roshi and just feeling like, whatever he does, I want to do that. Because I want to know what it's like to be like that. And if that's what he's doing, I'll do that. One person talked about meeting Katagiri Roshi.

[14:24]

Actually, before she met him, he was arranging flowers. And she just saw the care She arranged the flowers. She said, that's it. That's my teacher. No question. And we often, you know, we have no idea how we're helping other people, right? How we might inspire another person. But we so often do. So that's the kind of outward thing, is we might see someone and feel like, yes, right? I can be guided by their way of being in the world. And we often try that on in outward ways. We do the practice that they do or maybe we pick up their mannerisms or speech habits or the way they dress or something like that. Sometimes I think it's like kids playing grown-up except that that

[15:29]

really is the way we learn, I think, most of the time. It somehow starts from the outside. Sometimes the outside is through the body and sometimes the outside is through an idea. But in some way we have to move toward it. So moving toward it is embodying it, practicing it. And the best way that we can approximate, it's kind of an apprenticeship program, life. Awakening, it's an apprenticeship. And as we start to get a taste of what that is, and there's some resonance here, it's like, yes, that. It becomes an inward refuge. It's not just an outward refuge. It's not just like, oh, I can go talk to my teacher and I'll feel better. It's we can actually touch into those places in ourself and come to trust that.

[16:37]

And that's the deeper refuge. And that's the refuge that we also share with other people. Not even so much through what we say, but just how we are. Just the way the people that inspired us, inspired us not just by their words, but by their whole being. Actually, their words and their whole being are not separate. So the second meaning of Sangha of the community of practitioners, basically. Leslie has said on more than a few instances, there are only human beings in Tassajara. And I really, I find a lot of comfort in that, that there were not a bunch of completely realized beings beyond the human realm.

[17:52]

Once I worked in the stone office and a guest She was very upset with the way an interaction with the student had gone somehow. And she said, but you're all enlightened here, aren't you? I thought that was great. I was like, wow, okay. Not yet. We're working on that. Yes, yes and. Yes, we all are enlightened beings and we have not yet perhaps fully manifested that. So between the ideal and the real, the actual, between the absolute and the relative, between the Buddha and Shakyamuni, or the Buddha and each one of us, us as Buddha and us as this individual being with...

[18:56]

all kinds of stuff, all the stuff that you know very, very well. We each have that. So we each bump up against each other a lot or a little. But this is actually one, you know, sangha practice is one of the places where it's so evident, so immediate, that there is no separation between the absolute and the relative. Because you get to watch how this other person today is Buddha and tomorrow is a demon who is intent on torturing you. And it's the same person, and it can change so fast. And we just get to... watch this over and over and over again. And it's confusing and enlivening and really beautiful because we get the opportunity to see through our ideas about how things are through how people are.

[20:16]

No human being is some particular way. Nothing is some particular way. And even our ideas don't hold fast. So our practice is seeing over and over again what leads to suffering and what leads to freedom from suffering. And the human realm, the relational realm, Sangha practice is all a very rich field to explore that in. I was looking in the... Zen Center publishes a little booklet on... Ethical Guidelines and Precepts for San Francisco Zen Center and includes the 16 Bodhisattva Precepts.

[21:29]

So I was reading about taking refuge in Sangha. And I really like this take on it. It says, In taking refuge in Sangha, we acknowledge the central role that Zen Center community life has in our practice. Because part of taking refuge is the offering of refuge. we aspire to create an inclusive environment for everyone's engagement in the bodhisattva way. When our diversity appears to separate us, our practice is to engage in a careful process of recognizing, understanding, and appreciating our differences. In so doing, we affirm and respect our differences and similarities in gender, age, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, political belief, and physical abilities and appearances.

[22:31]

There is such a wide range of people here, you know, coming from so many backgrounds and levels of understanding. And we aspire to be even more inclusive and more welcoming by finding ways to completely appreciate each person as they are and encouraging each person to appreciate every other being. And to be free from the fear or mistrust that difference sometimes gives rise to. So by living and working together, we get to see more who we are, more who each other is.

[23:43]

We see in our responses where our stuck points are. our generosity, our spontaneous kindness in reaching out, how wide our beings can open. Another translation for taking refuge in Buddha Dharma Sangha is plunging into Buddha Dharma Sangha. Like a high diver. Completely letting go. Diving in. Nothing held back. And this...

[24:48]

this surrender, this letting go, is at the heart of our practice. It's the essential art of zazen, of all of our practice, is just fully being exactly where we are, being who we are, being with what is, just as it is, without without argument or denial, just allowing. Not even letting go, but just letting, allowing. And that letting includes letting our resistance be, letting whatever is arising arise and just be there. And then there's the possibility of moving on and moving through it.

[25:53]

And the next thing. In the fascicle Bhusho, Buddha Nature, Dogen said, to see Buddha Nature, first let go of your pride. So pride... is having some fixed idea. And it's usually defensive. It's usually to try to keep our sense of self from being deeply injured or uncertain or fearful or less than. So to see Buddha nature first let go of your pride. to be willing to learn, to be willing to be in unknowing, in uncertainty and all the shifting ground that that involves.

[27:04]

We usually think I think we usually think. I thought for a very long time that saving all beings, the saving part, was about safety. But our usual idea of safety, I mean, there is no safety in that sense. There's momentary safety, but there's not the kind of safety that we long for. To find true safety, we have to let go of all of our ideas about what safety should look like. Like in the Heart Sutra, we say, with nothing to depend on, the bodhisattva relies on prajnaparamita. The perfection of wisdom is complete impermanence, nothing to hold on to.

[28:16]

If you can let go of holding on, you can find the true ground of groundlessness. And we find that we are held. When we can let go of having to do it all ourselves or having to have someone else do it for us, we discover exactly, or I don't know about exactly, but we swim in the experience of interdependence with all being and very intimately with one another. I trip, you reach out and catch my hand. Or vice versa. We're always falling and catching each other over and over again in ways that we see and ways that we don't see. Recently I asked my teacher, Sojin Mel Weitzman, what was the essence of his practice?

[29:32]

And he said that his way, Suzuki Roshi's way, was egolessness and warm-heartedness. And he clarified, he said, egolessness is letting go. And, you know, warm-hearted practice, whatever we do, do it with a warm-hearted feeling. And I thought that's the essence of Sangha practice right there. You know, that we let go of me, me, me and open to the community where we can fully be me. When you let go of the ideas of self, you don't lose your personality, but self can be so much larger and wider and more spacious and less contracted.

[30:41]

There's kind of more of it by being more spread over a wider space and all beings. One of my favorite quotes from Dogen is just throw yourself into the house of Buddha. Then all will be done by Buddha. No separation, ever. There's never been a separation. But until we throw ourselves into the house of Buddha and actually have this experience for ourselves, we won't get to know that.

[31:49]

even though it's happening right now and every moment. So you could just enjoy it. I think we have time for maybe one or two questions. Yes, Ron. You said letting go of self. Yes. Letting go of self. Well, I guess if I am who I am, then that's what I am. But if I said I'm the mechanic, then is that the self that I should let go of? You are a mechanic, but if you think, I am the mechanic, then that gets limiting.

[32:59]

Whatever you're holding onto, release. Good old second noble truth. The root of suffering is grasping. We have conventional names. for things. Yeah, that's Ron. He's the mechanic. But that's just a conventional name. If you get confused with that or other people get confused with that, start holding on to it, then there's suffering. There's not a problem with it, per se. It's just that it leads to suffering. Okay. Thank you very much. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered free of charge, and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click Giving.

[34:06]

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