This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning and happy new year. Brand new. Has it gotten old yet, the year? Beginner's mind means every moment is the start of the new year. Brand new. Just born. What a relief. I'm... Grateful to be here and grateful to see all of you old faces and new friends and there's many folks also online.

[01:05]

Thank you for being here, for taking the time and making the effort to come here. To Why again? So much suffering and confusion and cruelty and hatred and dis-ease in our own heart and in our families and our communities and the whole country and world. I think you've noticed. as bodhisattvas, as people of the way. The foundation is noticing the suffering, letting it in.

[02:11]

And along with everything that letting in that suffering brings up the grief and the despair and the hopelessness, the hatred, with all that stuff that comes in when we let in the suffering and which makes it tempting to not so much let it in because who wants all that yucky stuff but letting it in along with the grief and the rage and the hatred and the confusion and the despair is this note of compassion Senior Dharma teacher Fu yesterday was showing us the map of the cosmos in which all the realms of joy and suffering, each of them has a bodhisattva playing a lute or some kind of instrument.

[03:19]

Choose your favorite. It will be whichever one you like. And that one note, the one note, compassion. So my story this morning is that we've let in that suffering, we've noticed that confusion and hatred, and we've wondered, we've noticed that that is not in alignment with our deep self, with our true self, that we long to be with everyone at peace. This most natural wish that everyone be well, and safe and nourished and supported. So, you know, we kind of come here maybe to get away from some things. Works for a minute, you know, but once the novelty wears off, you know, it's all back.

[04:23]

It's more like this compassion, something here some possibility here in this teaching, in the practice of sitting, is a response to the world of suffering. It's not like instead of doing something about the suffering of the world on Sunday, I came to Green Gulch. It's moved by compassion for the suffering of the world. On Sunday, I came to Green Gulch. Is that enough? No. Is that the right thing to do? I don't know. Is that the best thing to do? I'm sure it's not. But it's authentic. It's a real response. What is this not? What is the confusion in my own heart? And how can I nourish a path of healing that with and for everyone? So this morning I want to talk about a kind of fundamental root of our suffering, according to the Buddhist teaching, at the root of all of the greed and hatred and cruelty that we see in ourselves.

[05:54]

Please notice, it's not just them. We see in ourselves and manifest in the world. At the root of that is this fundamental confusion about our relationship to the world and to each other, the fundamental delusion of separation. This very convincing appearance or story or delusion that we're separate from We're separate from the world that we are in. Even to say we're in it, it's like I'm separate from it, separate from the world, separate from this earth. I'm in the world. I'm on the earth. I'm separate from you. Don't know who I am, but I know I'm not you.

[06:57]

separate from the things that are arising in my life. The teaching that we observe and are practicing becoming intimate with and sensitive to is how powerful this feeling, this idea of separation, how powerful that is in shaping the world and in creating our suffering. And how compelling it feels like I really just feel separate from things. You know, I could not be here and it would be fine. So we're in the thrall of this story of separation from each other, from the earth, from the world, from the things in our life. But when we actually look... it's really hard to find that separation.

[08:02]

So that's part of what's kind of amazing about separation. It's like completely convincing, and yet we can't find a shred of evidence for it. Because whatever arises, as soon as we have any kind of experience, the thing we're experiencing is in ourselves. is in our own life. Isn't that terrible? Everything that we're experiencing is in our own life. Is this a stupid thing to say? It's so obvious, you know? There's not two things. There's not something other than your experience of your life. As soon as you experience something, here it is, right in your life. We don't want to see it that way because that's kind of intimate, you know? You're not actually made out of my life. It's a little too close.

[09:04]

Like, step back, folks. You're not like actually the substance of my own life. But where else are you? Show me that. Where's that separation? Where else are you? You could say, well, there's something that's not in my life. Okay, but as soon as it's here in your experience, What is it made out of? We say it's you. It's your life. Everything that appears in your life is just made out of your life. Or in one of the Buddhist ways of talking about it, everything that appears in your experience is your own mind. Just like if you were dreaming, everything in the dream... would be made out of you, right? There's not two things. There's not someone else in your dream. That's clear, right?

[10:09]

That's obvious. We just look. We can't find the separation that we are operating on. So Zen practice is about slowing down or even stopping to notice that the separation that we're so convinced of actually has no basis in our, in our real embodied experience. I think we know this. I think we intuit it, even if we don't know it intellectually, or even if we don't feel like some big feeling of that, we kind of know that everything that's here, you know, is our own, So we're in this three-week intensive here at Green Gulch.

[11:16]

Some of us are doing a lot of seated meditation and studying the teachings together. And the title of our intensive is It's just a story. That's the story about our intensity. Just a story. So with this kind of fundamental story about our separation, that I'm over here and you're over there, that I'm here, me, plus the rest of the world, like many of the stories, many of the powerful stories that we tell to ourselves, we forgot that it was a story. So we're reminding each other in this intensive. Do you have a story? No.

[12:17]

Our separation is a story that we became convinced of and then forgot was a story. And when we stop and connect with the actual feeling right now of being alive, we see that that story really doesn't have a basis. So part of this story is that I'm over here and the rest of the world is out there. And that that's basically separate. You know, I'm moving in that, I'm moving through that, I'm standing on that. And now and then there's some points of connection. Now and then there's some either sense experience, you know, that brings in the external world or there's some moment of connection with something that's separate. And I always think of this kind of connection as

[13:26]

like E.T. and Elliot. Do you know about E.T.? These young people maybe don't know. Do you know about E.T.? There's going to be some spoilers, so. E.T., you know, there's E.T. and there's Elliot. You know, Elliot's over here. E.T. 's over there. And it's so beautiful. Remember? Their fingers touch, you know, and kind of glow. This moment of contact. I'm over here, it's over there, and there's this contact. And we might feel like that's what the world is. I'm over here, and it's over there, and sometimes there's this moment of connection. Yay, that's so sweet. They touch. And then, boo, at the end, they separated.

[14:33]

There was connection and then there was separation. Yay, connection. All separation. Elliot's back to being all alone. So there's like ET kind of connection with the world that's actually separate. When we talk about being connected, you know, sometimes that's the kind of connection I think that we're assuming based on this fundamental story of separation. The Buddhist teaching of no separation is about a kind of intimacy, ongoing, total intimacy of everything. You could say your intimacy, The intimacy of this experience, the wholeness of this experience, this being alive as one thing. Everything that's here in the field of aliveness is together.

[15:45]

There's a Zen teaching, you know, it doesn't even connect. Don't even think of it as connecting. It's not separate enough to have connected. It's more intimate than that. So our San Francisco Zen Center founder, Suzuki Roshi, says, what you are includes everything. Your being alive includes everything. What you are includes everything. So our Zen practice is to sit, fundamentally, is to sit down as we're doing and to stop. To find the posture upright and dignified and open.

[16:53]

Grounded in the deep belly. Extending up through the spine. Coming into the body, the physical posture. Finding the breath. As it flows all the way out. From the deep belly and all the way in. To the deep belly. as we care for the physical posture, noticing the posture of the heart, letting the heart soften and warm, sort of resume its natural shape. Let it be the warmth that it is. So upright and breathing,

[18:01]

warm and opening to the field, the experience of being in the room that we're in. allowing that intimacy with everything in the field, the eyes open, the heart open, the whole being open. What you are includes everything. Everything is included. Suzuki Roshi says, you know, when we, if we long to re-zoom or reconnect with that,

[19:13]

big mind with that, say, true self or basic nature that includes everything, it's helpful to also empty the mind of some of the noise. Let go of what we can that's in the mind. And some examples of that are kind of superficial, like... the tapes, you know, that are going about what comes next? What came before? As Suzuki Roshi says, how much does the soap cost at the one store? And I wonder if it's on sale somewhere else. And meanwhile, this ungraspable aliveness, this intimacy that everything already is, is right there. He says, you know, because our mind is so full of this rubbish, we can't actually share the feeling of this whole life.

[20:17]

We can't appreciate the feeling of where we are because we have this noise in the mind. So coming into the body, the breath, warming the heart, emptying the mind of those little stories. And also he gives some examples of other things that you could... maybe let go of in your mind, like who you are and where you are and how long you've been there. Those are three of his favorite things to suggest that you just put down if you long to resume this mind that includes everything. to notice that the being alive is not separate from anything that's in it. Putting down inside and outside, over here and over there.

[21:27]

That's just a story. What is the actual feeling of being here now it's one thing everything is included so our practice is to connect with this actual embodied experience So I want to say a little bit, share a little bit about what Suzuki Roshi says about how you might empty your mind so that you can fully be the ungraspable aliveness, the intimacy, the big mind that includes everything.

[22:35]

That sound good? Do you want to know? I want that. I'm separate from it. So we practice Buddhism in the story, you know, and then I, or, you know, we hear, okay, so there's not two things, right? When I look at my actual life, you can't find a second thing. This is an ongoing challenge. I wish I had some money so that I could offer some reward for the person who could find and show me a second thing. I've been looking for a second thing, some other thing. I have lots of ideas, you know, about other things, but I can't find an actual other thing. Do you know what I mean? I keep almost, but then as soon as I experience it, it's back, it's myself. What could arise in your life that's not your life?

[23:40]

Is there something other than your life happening? Our ancestor says, the whole universe in the Ten Directions is the true human body. Show me something that's not your own life. Where will you be standing, by the way, Suzuki Roshi says? Where will you be standing when you show me that thing? Outside of the universe, you'll be a ghost. So ghosts are excluded from this reward opportunity. Because ghosts can find two things. I'm over here and the universe is over there. And I'm finding my way. I've got my pack on. I'm finding my way through this world that's separate than me. Sometimes people help me. Thank you. Mostly they are impinging on me. Let's like smash them however we can. I'm me plus the world.

[24:42]

So the ghost is there with two things. But in this present moment, breathing out, letting go of whatever can be let go of in your mind, there's just this aliveness. It doesn't have any parts. It doesn't have any sides. And I'm not trying to convince you. I'm sorry. Anyway, so Suzuki Roshi says about how to empty the mind so we can let in this whole field. When you are practicing zazen, do not try to stop your thinking. Let it stop by itself. Years go by. It hasn't stopped yet. Meanwhile, all the other Buddhists, you know, of all the other schools are saying, we stopped our thinking like years ago, what are you?

[25:48]

Suzuki Roshi said it would stop by itself. We're committed to this, to the end. Later he says, you know, it'll take like five or ten minutes for it to stop. Then he says, well, okay, maybe it'll take a while. Anyway, the point is the spirit of it, because the spirit of it is the heart, is the awakening that's moving through the whole practice. So we can't do it the other way because the spirit that we're practicing is the spirit of not blocking or stopping anything. So we can't like make this accommodation of like, kill something real quick on my way to like oneness with everything. We have to do the welcoming all the way through, even though it's going to take longer than otherwise would if we just killed a few things, you know? Anyway.

[26:51]

When you are practicing zazen, do not try to stop your thinking. Let it stop by itself. If something comes into your mind, let it come in and let it go out. ease, you know, just let it come in and let it go out. It will not stay long. When you try to stop your thinking, it means you are bothered by it. Do not be bothered by anything. It appears as if something comes from outside your mind. I'm letting it in, I'm letting it out. It appears as if something comes from outside your mind, but actually it is only the waves of your mind. And if you are not bothered by the waves, gradually they will become calmer and calmer.

[27:56]

So not feeding the thoughts, not jumping on the thoughts, not running with the thoughts, letting them in, letting them out, not being bothered. No problem. It's welcome. And there's not involvement. It doesn't say let it in and figure it out and figure out all the ramifications. and what it means about you and the world and your life, and then let it go. He says, let it in and let it out. The terrible thought, the hateful thought, the cruel thought, the greedy thought, the joyful thought. I remember somebody in the Zen Ho, it was a beautiful thing, but it stood out because it was... not exactly in accord with this teaching, had a little notebook, and I think whenever they had a really good thought, they'd write it down in the meditation hall.

[29:11]

So that was, wow, I didn't know you could do that. And you can't, actually. Unless you do, in which case you are. That's kind of the secret, by the way. If the Zen forms or rules are intimidating, I just gave it away, you know? You just do... You just are yourself and it's welcome. Don't do that. There's no need to hold on the beautiful thought. There's no problem. We think of bother. Don't be bothered by anything means don't be bothered by that cruel, awful, horrible, heart-wrenching thought, but also the joyful, beautiful oneness thought. Don't be bothered, which is to say, don't be confused. Don't let the world constrict down to the size of that thing. Big mind.

[30:14]

You know, you're walking in the woods and there's a fly in the big woods. And now there's just a little fly. The world collapses to the size of this fly. I'm trying to appreciate the feeling of the woods, but this fly is in the way. There's all these flies. It's impossible, you know, to walk in the woods. Suzuki Roshi says to walk in the woods, and that's why I use this image, to appreciate the feeling of being in the woods is what our zazen practices when we're in the woods, when we're in our car, to just appreciate the feeling of being in our car, when we're at our kitchen, when we're in this meditation hall, to just appreciate the feeling of being here. Nothing is in the way of that. Nothing is blocking that, really. But when our mind is full or when we're bothered, then we constrict down and we can't appreciate the feeling anymore. There's just this damn fly in the way of my oneness with the woods.

[31:18]

And it's always like that. The walks in the woods are never as good as you think they'll be or as you remember them having been. There's always, you know, it's too sunny, it's too rainy. Got the wrong shoes. There's flies. This way is to not be bothered, to not let that world collapse into that, to not let that block, actually, the appreciation of being in the woods with some flies. He says, if you're not bothered by these waves, then gradually they become calmer and calmer. So when you're not bothered by the flies, there's kind of less flies. I don't know if science could demonstrate this, but I think there's less flies, actually. There's definitely less thoughts, and that gets confusing. There's less thoughts when you're not bothered by the thoughts. You stop being bothered by the thoughts, and then the thoughts, like, they don't have the oxygen that they need to be that raging fire, you know, because it's not working.

[32:25]

You're not getting confused by them. So then they quiet down, and then you think, ah. Good, I've attained the quiet mind. That was the point. So it would almost be better if they didn't quiet down so that we could just stay with the practice of not being bothered. It's just a story. Doesn't mean, like, get rid of the stories. You can't get rid of the stories. Fundamentally, there's the stories we have. I'm over here. You're over there. There's the deep down... Invisible stories. There will always be a story. But we cannot be bothered by it. We cannot constrict down to it. You know the feeling, right? You have a story about all kinds of things and you're bothered by all kinds of things. And we can let that collapse our big mind, our sense of spaciousness.

[33:27]

Or we can care for it. and meet it and welcome it and love it with the space, in the space, not constricting, not collapsing. So when you try to stop your thinking, try to kill your story, it means you are bothered by it. Do not be bothered by anything. It appears as if something comes from outside your mind, but actually it is only the waves of your mind. And if you are not bothered by the waves, gradually they will become calmer and calmer. Many sensations come, many thoughts or images arise, but they are just waves of your own mind.

[34:31]

Nothing comes from outside your mind. Usually we think of our mind as receiving impressions and experiences from the outside. You know? But that is not a true understanding of our mind. The true understanding is that the mind includes everything. Nothing comes from outside your mind. The true understanding is that the mind includes everything. So just very briefly, I'd like to say something about part of what we're studying this January intensive, which is the mind-only school of Buddhism.

[35:44]

Does that sound... It is a long story about not being separate from anything. When he says, you know... I'll continue. Usually we think of our mind as receiving impressions and experiences from outside. Right? Separate. but that is not a true understanding of our mind. The true understanding is that the mind includes everything. When you think something comes from outside it, it only means that something appears in your mind. You think that you're perceiving something outside, but really all there is, all you're noticing is something appearing in your own life. much like the word mind actually which is a little complicated in devotion to the study of mind only it's a little bit of an obstacle for me you know it's in your life because mind is so mental right it's it's your your experience this feeling you're having right now your life everything nothing is coming from outside of your life to meet your life all you all that's happening in your life is coming from your is your life

[37:16]

And why does that matter? Like, oh, that's cool. Like, far out. Thank you. What matters about that? What matters about that? Why is this philosophical teaching part of the liberative Buddha Dharma that's supposed to relieve us from the grasping and the suffering and the hatred and the confusion? The true understanding is that the mind includes everything. When you think something comes from outside, it means only that something appears in your life. Nothing outside yourself can cause any trouble. That's why, that's why this is the gate to liberation. That it's just in your life. There's nothing outside yourself that can cause any trouble. Nothing needs to bother you because nothing is outside messing with you. It's all just your own life. It's all included.

[38:18]

So Suzuki Roshi, nothing outside yourself can cause any trouble. You yourself make the waves in your mind. That's the big one. That's not like, so it's your fault, you know. You, yourself, me, myself, these waves in my mind. They can't cause me any trouble. The waves can't break the ocean. The ocean's not like, oh no, here comes a big one. I hope I'm going to be okay. It's included. It's welcome. There's no problem. Is there immeasurable grief? Yes. Is there heart-wrenching pain? Yes. Is there physical agony? Yes. There is no problem. There is nothing outside. The wave cannot break the water. Nothing outside yourself can cause any trouble.

[39:21]

And then this piece, you yourself, make the waves in your mind. Which means you have a part, you know? Even this little separate you telling your stories. What story are you telling? And this is part of what we're studying. Noticing. What story am I telling? Stopping. Wow. I'm telling some weird stories about my friends and enemies and self. My God. And this world. I myself make these waves that are in my mind. I'm part of them. And so... not in like a mystical or kind of, you know, woo-woo way that we can just think something else and there'll be a different world, but kind of, yeah, it's a fundamentally empowering teaching. What the world that we're experiencing is not separate from the stories we tell about it.

[40:26]

That's just the basic principle of this teaching. It's not independent of our mind. It's not independent of our stories. We don't know what it is. And none of us can grasp what's happening here at all. It has no handles. But we know that it's not separate from our mind, from the stories we're telling. And we feel this all the time in our life. I feel this like... I look at my calendar. It's in my hand for some reason. My life... My life is in my hand, right, on this calendar. And I become agitated and anxious. And it feels impossible. And it's easy to resent. Maybe you don't have this feeling. Then, you know, I let something go.

[41:30]

Or I actually enter into a moment of activity. It's not like that at all. It's a completely different world. The world is changing based on my feeling and story about it. It's amazing. When I'm kind of hateful and complaining and resentful, the world is kind of like harsh and ugly. That's like becomes the actual world that I'm perceiving. And when I practice this point of the Zazen posture, where I'm caring for my heart, softening my heart, warming my heart, It's kind of like different. You could try this. Maybe, you know, try it and let me know. Does the story you tell, does the posture of your mind and your heart actually transform the world that you're perceiving? And if so, like, uh-oh, that means it's not a fixed world that's out there independent of your mind.

[42:32]

It's intimate. So we're empowered that our love matters, you know, that our warmth matters, that our clarity of mind matters, that the world is changing along with our posture and story. The true understanding is that the mind includes everything. When you think something comes from outside, really, All that's happening is something appearing in your own life. Nothing outside yourself can cause any trouble. You yourself make the waves in your mind. If you leave your mind as it is, it will become calm. This mind is called big mind. If your mind is related to something outside itself, that mind is a small mind, a limited mind.

[43:44]

Right? If your mind is related to something like, my mind is one of the things in this world that's full of ETs and Elliotts and cars and separate things, right? My mind is one of them in relation to them. That's small mind. If your mind is related to something outside itself, that mind is a small mind, a limited mind. If your mind is not related to anything else, then there is no dualistic understanding in the activity of your mind. You understand activity as just waves of your mind. Big mind experiences everything within itself. Maybe a little subtle, a little hard, and it's late. He continues, do you understand the difference between the two minds?

[44:48]

The mind which includes everything and the mind which is related to something. This mind, this life itself that includes everything is not related. It's like no connection. It's not a thing that's related to other things. It's the space that everything is included in. And that's not separate from you right now feeling your aliveness. Everything is included in that. It's not related to something. Stop trying to convince them. Do you understand the difference between the two minds, the mind which includes everything and the mind which is related to something? Actually, they are the same thing. But the understanding is different. And your attitude towards your life will be different according to what understanding you have.

[45:51]

I'm over here related to you all. Sometimes it's nice. Sometimes it's terrible. Bye-bye. That's separation, small mind. The big mind is this not related to anything. And I'll close just with a story about that short story from the tradition from ancient China, 8th century, Tang Dynasty, China, when Chan or Zen Buddhism was establishing and flourishing. about a layman Pong and the Chan Master Matsu. Layman Pong went to Jiangxi to visit Chan Master Matsu. Pong asked, who is the one who is not a companion to the 10,000 things? This bothered me for a long time.

[46:52]

I want to be a companion to everything. I want to be in relation. intimate with everything, just like E.T. and Elliot. I want to be the companion to things. Who is the one who's not a companion to the 10,000 things? Do you understand the difference between the mind which includes everything and the mind which is related to something? So who is the one who What is this life? What is this mind that is not a companion, that is not one of the 10,000 things? Matsu said, swallow all the water of the great West River in one gulp, then I'll tell you. I'll tell you. But first, swallow all the water of the great West River

[47:56]

In one gulp. And in the story, Lehman Pong understood the mind that wasn't related to something else. Understood that the life of you, my life, includes everything. So intimate. And in one of the tellings, he then says, I just did. I just did swallow all the water of the great river. And then Master Matsu says, and I just told you. I'll tell you, once you swallow all the water in one gulp, include everything. Let go of the stories that you can tell. open this being, connect with the actual feeling of what this aliveness is.

[49:00]

Everything is included. All the waters of the great river swallowed. No companions. Just utter intimacy of each thing. Thank you so much for your kind attention this morning and again offered with the wish that these teachings, that this practice of embodied presence, non-separation, shine a little light at least on the path of actual meeting, of actual being with the suffering of the world. So any benefit that comes from our practice, we offer to the well-being and liberation from suffering of all. living beings. Thank you very much. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center.

[50:06]

Our programs are made possible by the donations we receive. Please help us to continue to realize and actualize the practice of giving by offering your financial support. For more information, visit sfcc.org. and click giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[50:32]

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