This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. It's kind of an honor. Do you know honor? It's an honor for me to be here with all of you because, you know, my little girl is not a little girl anymore. She's 38. Yeah. But she's still very precious to me. So, pretty nice. Thank you all for coming today. And you probably had a pretty good time this summer, huh? You do some fun things this summer. Vacations and, you know, huh? Holidays. Camping. Swimming. Some games. Some fun. Huh? Yeah, good. And now it's back to school. So, you know, in honor of the occasion today, you know, I brought along a friend to help me with my Dharma talk, my little talk with you.

[01:09]

And, you know, I did wear my, you know, I didn't know what to wear, so I wore my party dress. This is my party dress. So, okay. So, and I brought along a little friend here. I'm going to see if he'll come out. Say hello. He's a little shy. So he's... He's a little shy here, so we'll see if he'll... Would you come out? Okay. This is my little friend, and I'd like you to introduce you. Hi. How are you today? And this is my little friend. His name is Ponce. You know, he's named after, maybe you've heard of Ponce de Leon. He was a Spanish explorer. But Ponce's last name is the pig. Ponce the pig. And Ponce's had, you know, he's fairly young. He's fairly young.

[02:10]

He's not very grown up. But he had a traumatic experience recently that I wanted to tell you about. And then Ponce's also going to help me with, I want to teach you something today. So we'll get to that. But... You know, a couple months ago, I was out in my yard and outside the house, and I was doing some exercises that I like to do. And then I looked around, and the door to my house was open. And the neighbor cat was there in the doorway, and the neighbor cat had a hold at Ponce. And... I didn't know, was the cat trying to bring Ponce into my house or take Ponce away from my house? You wouldn't like it, you know, if somebody came into your house and then they wanted to take you away. But it turned out the cat was trying to take Ponce away from my house. The cat, the neighborhood cat, had gone into my house, through the back door, through the kitchen, through the middle room, through the hallway, to the far bedroom, and then jumped up onto the desk, jumped up onto the chest, and jumped up onto the top of the bookcases and grabbed Ponce.

[03:25]

And then had taken him down, and then was bringing him, brought him all the way back through the house, and was taking Ponce out the door of my house. Poor Ponce, he was so, like, scared. to be taken away from his house. And then I told the neighborhood cat, you know, you go away. And I'm, you know, poor Ponce. I'm so sorry you had to be taken like this, but I'll save you now. So it's very fortunate when we have people who will rescue us, you know, and help us. So you're welcome, Ponce. So Ponce is very delighted to be here. And he's going to help me today. And I want to teach you, you know, we have certain, we have certain ways to, you know, that we practice Zen or Buddhism. And one of the most important that we do is called the four vows. And I'm going to teach you the four vows. First, I'm going to teach you the way we usually do it.

[04:30]

And then I'm going to teach you the kids way. Okay. So you'll see there's a little difference. Okay, so the usual way, Ponce, we like to put our hands together like this. Will you help me with that, Ponce? Anyway, and we say, sentient beings are numberless. I vow to save them. Desires are inexhaustible. I vow to put an end to them. Dharma gates are boundless. I vow to enter them. Buddha's way is unsurpassable. I vow to attain it. So a little while ago, I was in Toledo, Ohio, and there was a whole group of kids, and they came in, and here's how they did it. Okay, are you ready? And I want to teach this to you today and see if you'll help me sing it, okay? But here's how it goes. We're going to wake up all the beings of the world now. Yes, we are. We'll put endless heartache to rest.

[05:32]

Achy, breaky heart. We're going to walk through every wisdom gate. Walking on through. And we're going to live the great Buddha's way. Okay? So, will you try this with me? We can do one line at a time, okay? Will you try it with me? We're going to wake up all the beings of the world. Yes, sir. Anybody want to sing along with me? Huh? We'll put endless heartache to rest. We're going to walk through every wisdom gate. We're going to live the great Buddha's way. Okay? So, yeah, we're going to do it again. Yes, we are. Yes, we are. Will we do it again? Yes, we will. So I thought this was so much fun. And the kids there in Toledo, Ohio, anyway, they really like this.

[06:33]

Now, you seem a little shy to try singing, but if you want, I would like to invite you again to sing with me. And you may not have a very good voice. I don't have a very good voice. I can't really keep a tune, so I just made up the tune. We don't know if it's the real tune or not, and you can sing along however you come to sing along. Are you ready? We're going to wake up all the beings of the world. We're going to put in this heartache to rest. We're going to walk through every wisdom gate. We're going to live the great Buddha's way. Does anybody, you know, if you want to, and then we need somebody to do the rhythm section too, you know. You want to be the rhythm, Ponce? Okay, we're going to do it three times now, because usually when you do this, you do it three times, okay?

[07:39]

So that was practice, and now we'll do it three times together, okay? And I'm going to have Ponce here help. We're going to wake up all the beings of the world. Yes, we are. We're going to put endless heartache to rest. Icky bricky heart. We're going to walk through every wisdom gate. Walking on through. We're going to live the great Buddha's way. We're willing to wake up all the beings of the world. We're going to put endless heartache to rest. We're going to walk through every wisdom gate. Walking on through. We're going to live the great Buddha's way. Are you ready to sing along now? Some of you aren't so ready to sing along. If Ponce can do it, you could too. Okay, one more time. We're going to wake up all the beings of the world.

[08:44]

We're going to put endless heartache to rest. We're going to lock you every wisdom gate. We're going to live the great Buddha's way. Yes, indeed. All right. So do you want to hear anything about these four? You know, we're going to wake up all the beings. So I want to just talk to you briefly about these four vows, and then if you want, we can sing it again. But you need to really join in here to help me out, and Ponce too. I mean, you don't have to worry because I'm up here, and if you think you're going to make a fool of yourself by singing, you can't make a bigger fool of yourself by singing than I can by leading you into singing. Okay? So I'm already the biggest fool in the room, me and Ponce. So, you know, if you don't have a very good singing voice or, you know, it doesn't matter. You know, nobody's going to be able to single you out.

[09:47]

But they can point at me and say, what a fool. Listen to his terrible voice. All right. But, you know, we're going to wake up all the beings of the world. I like this, you know, wake up. What would it be like to wake up? Huh? Huh? You wake up and you see things, you smell things, you taste things, and you wake up and you live your life. How about that? Pretty nice, huh? And when you go to do that, what happens? You notice that some things work out well and you're happy and sometimes you're sad. And what will you do about that? How will you do that? You know? How will you, you know, so, you know, a lot of your life you have to see what works and what doesn't work. When am I happy? When am I sad? What could I, maybe there's something I could do a little differently or, you know, and my life would work better and other people around me, their lives would be happier. So how do I do that? And then, so this is to walk through wisdom gates.

[10:48]

You find things out. You learn things as you go through your life and you keep learning and studying. And we say, in my tradition, you know, my teacher said, you should always have a beginner's mind. Maybe we could say, you know, always keep your mind of a child. You know, where you keep studying, like, what is it to be alive? What is this like? How do I do this? How do I have happiness? And what makes me sad? And what do I do about it? And then, you know, living the great Buddha's way. The Buddha is somebody who spent his life studying this, so you could spend your life studying it. And we also say, you are Buddha. So when we say, I will live, we will live the great Buddha's way, it's you. It's you living the best life you can. Finding out what to do as you go along and continuing to learn, continuing to study. Seeing what you can find out. And then you grow, instead of just growing older, you grow wise.

[11:51]

And you grow more friendly. And you grow compassionate. And you grow in understanding. And you grow in finding out what works in your life and what doesn't work. And how to be a happy person and benefit other people of the world. Okay? So now let's sing one more time. Are you ready? One more time singing. For those of you who want to join in. We're going to wake up all the beings of the world. All the beings. We're going to put in this heartache to rest. We're going to walk through every wisdom gate. We're going to live the great Buddha's way. One more time. We're going to walk through, wake up all the beings of the world. We're going to put endless heartache to rest.

[12:57]

We're going to walk through every wisdom gate. Walking on through. We're going to live the great Buddhist way. Yes, we will. All right. Yay. Yay. Yeah, and we got a little rhythm section going over here, so thank you, thank you, thank you. Okay, so I'm going to wish you well now with the rest of your morning, and there's some other things planned for you, so we're going to say goodbye now. Goodbye. And poor Ponce's going to probably have to go back in my sleep because, you know, the grown-ups don't care for stuffed pigs in their Dharma talks. Sorry about that, Ponce. But maybe you could sit over here. You could do a little meditating, Ponce. Sorry, I'm just not very good at it anymore. So I hope you enjoyed that.

[14:03]

I learned that in Toledo, Ohio, as I was mentioning. And the kids there really love the four vows, singing the four vows. Beautiful voices. It turns out that, you know, the head of that group, there's a couple actually who lead the Toledo Zen Center, Rinzen and Doan. And Rinzen actually, you know, plays guitar and other instruments and is a music teacher and a jazz musician. And this is actually someone created this to, you know, to make it the four vows into a bluegrass song. Oh, sweetheart. Yeah. Achy breaky heart. And he said when he first heard it, he said, my cheeks tightened. What are they doing to the real Buddhism?

[15:08]

What kind of a travesty is this? But since then, he's come to really enjoy it. And he's the one who puts in all the beans and the achy-bricky heart and the walking on through while the kids sing. And then he adds the little lines. Anyway, I'm hoping as time goes on here that we learn new ways to share the Dharma and having some joy and enthusiasm and energy. in the teaching. And so that, and ways to share with one another and kids and others, you know, that meets and benefits people where they are and for who they are. So we'll see what happens. I'm not, I don't think I'm, you know, as I mentioned the person to do this, I can't carry a tune, you know, really.

[16:11]

I think I, changes every time I sing it. And if I try to sing along with the group that's singing it, you know, I can't tell at the time, but when I listen back to the recording, I'm not doing what they're doing. I can't tell at the time, but when I listen back to it, I can tell, like, uh-oh. But today, since I was leading it along with Ponce, you know, I could just sing and it's what it is. And so thank you for only a few of you have left. So pretty good sign. How forgiving. Thank you. So and this to me, you know, that we can find ways to speak and articulate our understanding, our teaching, our our wisdom, you know, with one another is so important. You know, not just officially or as a school or something, but just with one another.

[17:16]

Because, you know, how are we going to do this with each other? You know, it's easy to find fault, right? You didn't do that right. I don't like the way you criticized me. Yeah. And that's not a criticism. That's just to tell you. So how do we teach one another to do it differently? Or to let somebody else know what's going on with me rather than just, I don't like the way you criticized me. Don't do that anymore. So how do we do this? How do we do this? And you're not going to be able to, if you're having a difficulty or an argument with somebody, you're not going to be able to tell them, you need to put an end to desire, okay?

[18:22]

And then you won't be having this problem with me anymore. It's just because you want things to be different than they are, and you probably need to work on that. So we're in this business of always studying how to... understand ourselves, how to understand others, how to listen to ourselves, how to listen to others, how to help each other, how to help ourselves so that we can hear the Dharma, the teaching of the moment, the wisdom that is implicit in our lives. And then possibly find a new way, new ways, come up with new ways. And, of course, to do something in a new way, it means you won't be able to rely on your habitual way, the way that you're so good at. It hasn't worked very well. But it worked well enough to get you here.

[19:24]

You know, here you are today, so thank you for being here. You found your way. Okay. So it means, you know, to learn something new, we will have to be willing to be lost, possibly confused, not to know what to do. And then, you know, most of many of the best things, you know, come to us. Why don't I try, you know, listening? Why don't I try a different way of saying what I want to say? So one of the things that Suzuki Rishi used to say was, study Buddhism so that you know the language for yourself.

[20:24]

What is Buddha? What is Buddha in your language, in your world, in your reality? How do you say what is Buddha? And how do you say, well, what is enlightenment? What is practice? you know, what is Buddha nature? What do we mean when we say everyone has Buddha nature, you have Buddha nature? And then, you know, we try to say things, so we say, and you are Buddha, but there's no Buddha. You know, we want to be careful, just like the Christians, if anybody walks around saying, I am God, we say, excuse me, we don't think so. That's... That's not quite right. But on the other hand, it's who did you think you are? You know, I love that story about, you know, Jesus and, you know, the old Zen master Bodhidharma.

[21:28]

They're up in heaven, you know, and they're kind of kicking back, you know. So what's news? And Jesus says, well, you know, I noticed a lot of people down there, they have this game, golf. Have you checked that out yet? You know, they have these big green areas, and then there's these clubs, and they hit this tiny ball, and they try to get it, you know, way down there and then into a little hole. Have you seen that? A lot of people are doing that, and they have these big tournaments, and Bojama says, yeah, well, I kind of noticed, yeah. She says, well, you know, I'm really interested in this, and You know, this is a few years back now, you know, when Tiger Woods was more famous. So anyway, Jesus and Bodhidharma, Jesus says, so let's go down and try it out. And Bodhidharma says, well, okay.

[22:30]

So they get down and... You know, they go to tee off and they're dressed in, you know, golfing outfits, you know, the white belts and the whatever, you know, pullover T-shirts and little Nike logos and stuff. And the first hole, Bodhidharma goes first and he hits it and it doesn't go so far, but it's down the fairway. And he says, okay, why don't you try it? And when Jesus hits his ball, it goes off, it starts to go off to the right. I think that's a slice. And then when it goes off to the left, I think it's a hook. But anyway, off to the right, it's a slice. And it's about to fall in the trees, but this big eagle comes along, grabs it in its beak, flies out over the course and towards the hole, and at some point drops the ball, and then this raccoon comes running out of the woods and kicks it a bit. And then it's actually on the green by now, and then a squirrel comes running out and nudges it, and it's going towards the hole.

[23:35]

And it's right on the edge of the cup, and an earthworm sticks its head up, and it falls into the hole. And Jesus says, how about that, a hole in one? And Bodhidharma says, are you going to play golf, or are you going to screw around? So Jesus says, okay, okay, okay. Let's try this again. Okay. So again, Bodhidharma hits his shot fairly good right down the fairway, not very far. And Jesus, again, his ball goes off to the right, slice enough, and it falls into the trees. And Bodhidharma says, tough luck. You're going to have to take a penalty, drop another ball. And Jesus says, oh, come on, let's look for it. Come on. And so they look and look and finally they find the ball. And Jesus is looking and it's, oh, you know, I think if I hit it just right, I can get it under that one branch and then over that other.

[24:45]

And, you know, I can get it back out under the fairway. I won't have to take a penalty. And Bodhidharma says, oh, that's crazy. And Jesus says, come on now, what club do you think Tiger would use? Tell me. Is this a six iron or a four iron? What club do you use here? And Bodhidharma says, you know, I don't know what tiger would use. And Jesus picks out his club and he hits it. And miraculously enough, it clears the trees. But it goes all the way across the fairway into a pond on the other side. So Bodhidharma says, you know... That's a penalty. That is, you know, that's a water hazard. You're going to have to take a stroke or two, a penalty, whatever it is, drop another ball. And just, oh, come on, just this, you know, let me find it. You know, I can just walk out on the water. I'll divide the water and then if it, you know, just, let me just look for it a little bit, you know, see if I can get it. So Jesus is walking, he divides the water, it's not there, and he walks over two steps.

[25:48]

divides the water again. By this time, you know, there's another foursome coming along. And they've been watching this and watching, and finally one of them comes over to Bodhidharma and says to him, like, who does that guy think he is? Jesus Christ? And Bodhidharma says, no, Tiger Woods. So, you know, this is actually a profound kind of question, you know, who is it that thinks, you know, like I'm Ed, I'm Ed Brown, and who is it that thinks that? Who thinks he's Ed Brown? Who thinks he's, you know, Valerie or Susan or whoever you are? Who thinks that? And then, you know, if you start to think about it, of course, you say, well, I do. I was doing that thinking. Oh, really? But when you study, when you look carefully, you can't tell who that is, who thinks.

[26:51]

So we call that Buddha. Buddha has various kinds of thinking. Sometimes Buddha thinks he's Ed Brown. What a shame. And then Buddha starts to think, they don't like me. Or, you know, they don't respect me. They're making fun of me. So, you know, we can think all kinds of things. But who's doing that thinking? What kind of person is that? Who is that? And can you finally say, you know, and we try to say this over and over again, you know, that nothing you say about yourself finally sticks to consciousness, to mind. You can say things about yourself, about what kind of person you are, and then you can... look at somebody else and say, well, you know, you're too critical, you're too judgmental, you're mean, you're dishonest. And who's saying that?

[27:52]

And then what are they actually talking about? You can pretty quickly get lost here. You know, who is saying that? And sometimes, you know, people say things about me and I wonder, like, I don't think you know me. I don't think you know me the way that I know me. And I can't even say these things. I think I'm a nice person, but a lot of times people say, you are really intense. Is that me or is that the way you experience me? You know, there's a difference between who I am and how you experience me and what, you know, your experience. And, you know, you're the expert on your experience. Wake up. I'm going to wake up, you know. And you can be the expert on your experience. When you start trying to tell me about me, I'm the expert. And I'm not any of those people that you can find or point to.

[28:56]

I'm someone who can't be found and can't be identified. And, you know, I'm like, you know, however you want to say that spirit. I'm Buddha. Only there's no Buddha. And we have a saying about this in Zen, you know, in Soto Zen, mind itself is Buddha. Mind is Buddha, your mind, itself, things, all the things are Buddha, is, activity, movement, action is Buddha. Buddha is Buddha, and there's no Buddha. And what does it mean when we say, you know, mind itself is Buddha? You yourself are Buddha. And it means in addition to whatever you can identify and point out, there's also someone who can't be found. There's also someone who's mind itself.

[29:58]

And mind, you know, nobody's discovered, you know, where is it? Is it in your head? If mind was just in your head, how can you see what's out in the room? And it sure looks like it's out there, doesn't it? Is there an in and out in mind? Well, you know, tentatively speaking. But absolutely speaking, we can't find mind. There's no mind to be found. And we call that Buddha, that mind that can't be found. And each of us, you know, we wish so much. And what is most painful for us in our life is... when people don't see that we're Buddha. And they say, you're dishonest. You're judgmental. You're critical. You're a bad person. You're not a good person. And when people don't see, you know, our good heart, people don't see my good heart, I feel hurt. How could you not see my good heart?

[31:02]

How do we not see each other's good heart? What happens? And then we say, I'm going to wake up all the beings. I like wake up. One of our usual translations is save. I'm going to save the beings. It sounds a little bit too much like Christianity to me. Saving beings from what? And wake up is more like in Buddhism, wake up to your own true nature. mind itself, mind itself that can't be found, that is, you know, spirit that is completely good heart, clear, tender, loving. And somehow it doesn't, somehow everybody doesn't get that. And then somehow I don't always get that when I look at other people.

[32:05]

I don't, that's not what I always see, that's not what I see all the time. I keep aiming to see, you know, I'm like, can I see past, you know, someone's defensiveness, someone's pretense, someone's performance, can I see past through to someone's good heart, good spirit, true nature, you know, Buddha, can I see that? This is, you know, to wake up, see directly. Express your good heart. And it's so hard. You know, it's a lifetime, work of a lifetime, if not many lifetimes. And obviously one of the things that gets in the way is our desires. I want it to be like this, I don't want it to be like that, I want more of this, I want less of that. And we start trying to, we start thinking our mind, you know, is dependent on

[33:07]

the state of our mind is dependent on the external world because we're all the victim of the way that what the world does and what the world gives us and doesn't give us and what it does for us and what it doesn't do for us and how can we get it to do better by us. And if you're already the victim of, you know, what the world does, you're not going to be able to get it to, you're already lost. You haven't woken up. But Because the world out there is going to be doing various things and you'll have to have your own stability of mind and be able to see your Buddha nature and your good-heartedness, you know, past that, through that, in spite of that, despite that. And, you know, you don't see your good-heartedness when finally everybody says, oh, you're so good-hearted, thank you so much. Once in a while somebody says something like that, but... On the whole, the world looks at you and is...

[34:19]

So this is such an important question. We say sometimes to our friends or our partners, you know, you make me mad. You make me sad. Really? I did that? I made you some way? What's your part in this? You know, the world can behave in various ways, but it can't make you anything. Finally. In its Buddhist language, it would be to say, you know, when you say that to me, I feel sad. When you say that to me, I feel hurt. And you can repeat back what somebody said. And, okay, then I feel. It's not A makes B, it's when A, then B. That's Buddhist causation. And it's our suffering to think that I can get the world to behave differently, and because my experience is just the way the world does everything, and that's the experience that I end up having, because the world's the way it is, then I need to get the world to do things differently.

[36:09]

And maybe if I am spiritual enough, the world will respect me and honor me. I thought when I, after 20 years at the Zen Center, you know, and serious devoted practice, when I get out on the freeway and on the roads, people would kind of move aside. Because I'm a spiritual person. But the other cars didn't seem to understand that. And I kept hearing, like, no, you're such a spiritual person, you can practice patience better than we can. Anyway. So what I started to say, and I'm going to finish up with this and see if I want to talk anymore. But, you know, we've spent our lives, you know, we've studied it.

[37:13]

It's such an important, a certain phase of our life, you know, 18 months to four years. Do you end up having authority, or do you end up having doubt and insecurity? Are you able to establish your own authority, or do you always worry, am I doing it right? Are the other people approving of me? Is the world approving of my behavior, my understanding? Is the world approving of my feelings, my thoughts? are the ones I should be having in order to please them. Because if they were pleased, then they would do things for me and I would be happier. Is that the way it works? See, I don't think this is the way it works, but you know, for a long time in our life we can think this way. And at some point, you know, there's the possibility of a rather

[38:14]

major turnaround, you know, and where you come to your own authority. The classic story, you know, in Buddhism is the Buddha sits down under the Bodhi tree to wake up. Finally, you know, he said, I'm not moving. I'm just going to sit here until I get this figured out. Until I get to the bottom of this. something like this, you know, some intense wish. And at some point, you know, Mara, Mara the deceiver, the, you know, the tempter and so on, you know, Mara the deceiver, you know, comes with his armies, armies of beings and demons and, you know, attacking you. And basically, you know, those armies are saying, you are not doing it right.

[39:17]

You make me mad. You upset me. You make me, you know, fix me. Do it, you know, take care of me. Don't, you know, what do you think you're doing? Just sitting there. You've got to be doing some stuff for me. Fix me. Change me. Help me. Benefit me. So Mara's armies are shooting arrows. Arrows. And in one picture, of course, all those arrows, somewhere in the air, they're turned to flowers and they're falling all around the Buddha. How did he do that? I'm studying this point. But also, of course, at some point, Mara says to Buddha, who do you think you are? You're going to what? You're going to act on your own authority?

[40:21]

Who gave you permission to do that? Well, if somebody gave you permission to act on your own authority, that's not your own authority. Right? And the Buddha is said to have touched the ground. And calling on the ground, he said, I've put in my time. I've put in my time. I've been through a lot. I've seen a lot. I've done a lot. I've suffered a lot. I've done things for others. I've benefited others. I've seen this from every point of view. I've put in my time and now I'm acting on my authority. I can see with my eyes, smell with my nose, taste with my tongue. I can think, I know my thoughts, I know my feelings.

[41:24]

I know what's in my heart and I will aim to express my heart. I will aim to express my love, my compassion in an everyday way. that people can understand and receive, and that connects me with others rather than distances me. And rather than defending myself, I will aim to do this. And, you know, I may miss with my aim. I may miss the mark. Dogen says, if you miss the mark, keep aiming. You won't always be able to hit the mark. So the Zen master Dishan, well, a couple Zen sayings, we'll call it a morning. I like the saying, actually, I think it might have been Zen master Nanquan. I'm not entirely sure.

[42:25]

But he used to say, he said, I tell my students, put yourself in the time before Buddha appeared in the world. Very few of them. get my meaning. So before Buddha appeared, on whose authority? You'll be following what teaching in order to do it right, in order to get it right, in order to have approval, in order to get recognition? You'll be following who? You'll be following what? What about before Buddha appeared? And you need to find your way. What did the Buddha do? He tried out various teachings and he wasn't happy with them. And he sat down and he said, I'm going to figure this out. I'm going to get to the bottom of this. I will look closely. I will look deeply. I will study carefully. And so this is a big step.

[43:35]

Please, if you haven't already, What do you know? How do you understand things? You be the teacher. You be Buddha. You tell us. You explain to us. You honor and see your own true nature, your own... Who is it who thinks he's Ed? Who is that? Who thinks they're you or... that you're here or that there's even a room. Who thinks in that? What mind is that? And you can see that in other people, you know, something that is from beyond. And it's not just, you know, messed up in this way or that way. And it's so precious when somebody sees that, you know. This is what was one of the things that's so precious about Suzuki Rishi because

[44:37]

There's nothing extraordinary about him, but over and over again, we felt seen. Somebody saw, somebody sees me, sees who I truly am. And he doesn't even have to say, you know, oh, hi Buddha. You just know. You know, one time I was busy working in the kitchen, and I'm stressed and anxious, and it's, you know, all the things to do, and is it going to be time, and will I get it all done, and what needs to get done next, and I heard my name, Ed. And I was busy and busy, and then I heard it again, Ed, and Ed. I realized Suzuki Roshi was standing in the doorway of the kitchen. And part of the problem had been that that Ed was somebody I didn't realize I was.

[45:43]

I was a worried, anxious, intense person trying to get stuff done. And that Ed was like... Vast space and sunlight and blue sky and all the clouds and storms, you know, just disappeared, cleared up. I'm who? I'm what? And, you know, we can't, obviously we're going to get lost in our everyday world. But it's important, you know, to once in a while have this experience and remember, who are you? What are you doing here? What would you like to have coming through you to the world? Is there some way to work on that? Having something come through, seeing that in others.

[46:49]

Yes. Another Zen teaching I like a lot is Zen Master Deshaun. I'd like to tell you more about Deshaun but another time. But the saying I like of his, he said, realizing the mystery is nothing but breaking through to grasp an ordinary person's life. grasp an ordinary person's life? Can you be you on your own authority? Can you have that person, be that person? Or do you think there's a better person that you should be where you get it right and people approve and people say, oh, you're such a good Buddhist.

[47:56]

And then, or do you say, oh, that's not very Buddhist for you to behave like that. I know, I'm just an ordinary person. Sorry about that. But there's a confusion sometimes, of course, between what's the sky and what's an ordinary person. And in order to be the sky, do you try to not be an ordinary person and you can just be the sky? If you don't, You're going to be a special person and not an ordinary person. You're going to be a spiritual person and not an ordinary person. What will you be? And so for this reason, of course, I love it too that Pema Chodron says, you are the sky, everything else, it's just the weather. So would it be okay to have a little weather?

[49:03]

Or should every day be sunny and you're only a good Buddhist if it's sunny? So we're trying to live in both worlds. This human life is to live in the world of Buddha, the divine, the beyond, and to live in this world, the ordinary world. So I'd just like to take a moment of silence here, and I think if you're, as we're all quiet here, and certainly when I go inside and I just feel what's in the air, you know, I feel a lot of tenderness in the room, a lot of gentleness.

[50:18]

So see what you feel, what's in the air, what's in your heart, what's in your mind. And can you be with that in a simple, straightforward way, receiving this moment of your life, Buddha's life? It may be, you know, there's also, I'm sensing, for instance, there's a little grief in the room, some sadness. I haven't always been my own authority. I've gotten caught in some ways. It's sad. I haven't really come into my own. How would I do that?

[51:37]

Hey, thank you. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our programs are made possible by the donations we receive. Please help us to continue to realize and actualize the practice of giving by offering your financial support. For more information, visit sfzc.org and click giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[52:24]

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