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the time to show
the to chase his dreams of has rooms


has many of you may know a couple weeks ago i returned from a trip to china
that was undertaken the trip was undertaken by a group of about thirty four people
and gap where they understand who's here the spawning land with and ferguson ah
and other helpers a group of people to visit
zen temples in china as well as other
so this trip in the planning are thinking about it i didn't realize it was going to be a pilgrimage
or what a pilgrim it meant what the word pilgrimage meant
add the word pilgrimage comes from the the route peregrine
are wandering
and it specifically has to do with going some place for
a purpose usually a religious purpose to visit a shrine or some sacred space spic sacred spot
but also it could be
anything that you yourself feel as sacred making a visit to that are wandering there
but it has the connotation of wandering
and i think that's what happens in pilgrimage you set out
and the way is not straight
you go there's detours and
ah suppose that obstacles that come up in your way that
encourage you to turn one way or another and you wind your way along until you reach what you thought you had set out to reach meanwhile the pilgrimage itself
is the sacred spot that you looking for
i wanted to talk a little bit about the trip some of you have heard stories since we had a group get together last sunday here and talk about it
i think for me one of the main
effects of the trip actually i don't know what the main effects are i'm still absorbing the trip in having it work its way into my bones
but ah
one of the temples that we visited that to me was the heart of the pilgrimage was doing shines temple and don't shun
is a teacher in our lineage whose name we chant every day and
i remember what is was one of the first teachers
that i had a pneumonic to remember or how to think about this person in japanese the name is toes on real okay
towson me okay and the toe of the tarzan is the toe of so in so
i remember back years ago thinking how i can remember that often the the teachers and the names and the provinces and where they came from where they taught and their posthumous names in their place names him their buddhist games and can be hard to remember for me
so this particular teacher dung shiner towson real k ah
in our lineage to me it has been taught to me that this particular person carries kind of the flavor of soto zen the the gentle side of the practice the the side of the practice that doesn't
ah use a skillful means blows and shouts you know hitting and shouts and rough stuff which i always have appreciated
and one of the stories that it's ah exemplifies this is when don't shun was visiting the ten zone or the head cook show a fung
and show a fung was washing the race
and while we were in china we saw the race it was the time for the race harvest in john g province where we were and the race
the harvested race
i was out lying and big mats in village after village after village all throughout the town there be maps and in front of farmhouses this straw mats filled with race that was being raped and dried that had just been harvested and the chickens would
be walking through it and because it hadn't been a whole get it was still ah
brown rice or unhealed race
but anyway sway phone was was washing the race and don't shine asked him are you washing the grid out of the race or a washing the race out of the grid
and a funk said i'm washing both race and grit away together and don't try and said or what with amongst eat them
and show a fun overturned the bucket
and shun said dow that's translated in different ways but basically
although you have it or have some understanding you will need to you need to go to another teacher or
you need to work with somebody else besides me
so these two
followers of the way although there was appreciation for each other's way their constitutions or there who they needed to meet them they it wasn't going to be between choi fung and don't shun tray phone needed to go to someone else who could meet
that particular spirit and doesn't shines way was
this overturning the race bucket was
not his way it was a big mess i imagined in my mind it was a big mess in the kitchen
so these kinds of stories are the stories about delusion that i appreciate and other stories as well
going to do trans temple in
in the back woods the back country of john province was difficult to get to this is the different most difficult part of our pilgrimage you might say
ha long bus ride over roads that were in at
a paved and of although they said it would take about three hours it took us eight hours to get back to this temple and pm
this temple is not really visited by that many westerners because it's back so far
in the hinterlands in the boonies and because of
friends that we had in china it was abbot of one temple as that it week that the authorities are the people in that area make sure that we got there somehow or another so we had an escort at one point and we had came up with to get out of buses and went into too small
other vehicles that could go over the roads and
finally after hours and hours we arrived at the chance temple
now before a say anymore i want to tell another story about didn't shun
that has to do with the place of this temple and and also for me it has to do with an internal place
though there's many stories about doing but when he was leaving he was sent to see a teacher union that was living in this series of caves it sounds like adjoining caves and at the time when you there was
many dialogues recorded between the two but when he was about to leave his teacher
he asked whether
he would and
at a unions death whether he could make a likeness of him or a portrait of him
or in other words
if someone were to ask whether he had the truth of his teacher
let me read it too

when do you shun took leave of union he asked after your death if someone asked me if i can describe your reality how should i answer
union remained silent for a while and then said
just this person
also it can be translated as just this is it
dosa sake into thought
union said you should be most thorough going in your understanding of this matter
and then doing turn left his teacher and it's as don't show and still had some doubts
but later he was greatly enlightened when he saw his reflection in the water as he crossed a river
then he understood the meaning of what had gone before him and he wrote a verse
and then there's many translations of this verse but this one is don't seek from others or you'll be a stranger from yourself
i now go on alone
everywhere i encounter it
it is now me i am now not it
one must understand in this way to merge with being as is or to merge with vastness
so he he left his teacher in on pondering this
exchange that they had had
after death of someone asked me if i can describe your reality how should i answer
and union said just this person just this person
and then don't and sank into thought he was he didn't say anything you speechless and union gives him this cautionary
last words you should be most thoroughgoing in your understanding of this matter
so he heads off and away from his teacher with this in mind now in my mind and in ribs mine and probably lots of other people's minds when it says
didn't try and still had some gods but later he was greatly enlightened when he saw his reflection in the water upon crossing a river so in my mind it was he left his teacher kind of heading down to the beach or something and then
you know from this temple heading down to muir beach and then
got to wow a creek and crossed the creek and saw his reflection and had this awakening
so when we got to don't chance temple we am
we were brought along this path and we crossed a bridge over a creek wasn't really a big river but a wonderful flowing creek and the bridge was
encounter it and it was at this bridge or the bridge wasn't there but it was over this water that don't china had looked down and sees his reflection and understood but but the his teacher yang union
i was miles and miles away maybe two hundred fifty miles away so he it had taken him a long time carrying this turning this meditating on this ah
last words of his teacher is last dialogue with his teacher before he came to this water and had this
understanding this realization
so there we were
at that river know whether it's the actual river or not they export river you know who can say but i think part of the pilgrimage was
in the mythic reality of it's a true reality of it was this was the river this
this was the river that they said was the river and we said was the river and who is to say that this isn't the river that are great great grandpa dung sham looked down into and had his realization
and it was ah
for me and i think for many others
very strong
ah encounter very strong encounter
and we were brought up to this temple and many of the temples who had visited were very busy with with chinese pilgrims with people coming to visit and offer incense and bow and bring food offerings and
there were around
lot there was lots of activity going on in many of these temples lot of incense smoke it would be like coming to bring out and they'll be a giant in sensor big incentive out maybe on the lawn and before going in you would offer incense and do prostrations and
there is also lots of donations and lots of lots of activity going on at these temples but it don't chance temple because of the remoteness
there were i don't think there any visitors except for us and maybe some people from the town at the bottom of the hill we had to go up and up and climb up into the back to this this temple
and the creek
this creek that we crossed over was very much reminded me very much and many of us reminded us of tessa her creek is now mountain creek's probably remind one of mountain creek's anywhere but they were boulders in the creek and the water was flowing and or waterfalls and just a vantage
nation itself was very much like tassajara feeling
and it felt like even though it was a thousand years old this place
where this temple was established it felt like the years just
like the telescope of the years just
i collapsed and that this temple and tessa her and the choosing of tessera for the site out as in mountain monastery than shinji ah
it seemed like there is no space between those events that it was one shared
wow mind
and we also were brought to what they call the stupa forest which is where the ashes site is for monks who have lived there and former abbott's and
people have been in resident residents at the temple and this was on a hill we had to kind of wind our way to it and as we moved up from the creek floor and the sound of the creek and went back and took a turn around the sound of the creek dropped away as we went to the ashes site in
and for those of you know the ashes site at sahara as you climb up the hogback and and turn around
through the a little hills there at a certain point the sound of the creek just because of the am
it's not venture that far away from the creek but just the way the hills are as you make a turn the sound of the creek drops away and that's where suzuki roshi chose his own ashes same
so when you walk up there it's quite a drops off a southern a creek and this was the same thing at don't shun the the sound of the creek dropped away in and we saw the stupas old monuments were the ashes were many of these have been knocked over during the cultural revolution and had been
been put back and there are many more of them that were left in the underbrush and hadn't yet been put back so
this some these kinds of parallels for me were very important
and the temple itself there was a race fields in front of it they grew their own race and it was raised that was unmatched being dried in front
and we were brought up to were doing chance stupid is or or dung shines were gunshots ashes were replaced and there's a picture of it in and ferguson's book called gown
chinese heritage of zen
that's the name of it is a little picture for
ah of different temples where the teachers taught and the picture of the stupa dongsheng stupa is is in the book and there's a the
stupid is a place where relics or ashes are placed in you're probably familiar with great big stupas in tibetan tradition giant mountains but this was a it was a good size but it wasn't a giant stupor but there was an inner stupa and then there was an
outer building and to
so we were circumnavigating we offered incense and circumambulate of which is a traditional practice to circumambulate clockwise keeping a right shoulder towards can be a buddha figure or a stupa in respect and
paying homage basically to teachers in the buddha
so they also unlocked a little rusty gate that was around the stupa and open it up and there was an inner that there was an inner building it was an outer stupid and an inner building that was the oldest and there is a place to certain ambulate the inner stupa
and it looks like they usually keep that luck but they opened it up rick went through and some of the rest of us went around and circumambulate at the inner stupa
and the name of don't shine stupa is
awakening enlightenment and as that sutra has that stupa has a name orcs gives me wisdom awakening wisdom awakening is the name of that stupid ah gotcha
there are other stories and legends and mythical tales that the monks who were showing us around told us about
features of the landscape actually big rocks that came very close together that we were told come together in touch in the night and another rock that was called the young
your rock the boat computer it and he showed us he pounded with another small rock on this great big boulder and at a certain point it got to be very how'd and sounded like a wouldn't drown being struck
so upon leaving as we turned away from that stupa i felt
i felt that i may never get back to doing schon to this
temple ever again fire in that back roads of china maybe i'll never get there again and i had this feeling it may hurt this tugging ah out
ah feeling that i was leaving a family member that i may never visit again you know how that is sometimes when you leave some when you're visiting and they might be in the hospital or pretty old grandpa our aunt or uncle or and you feel i may never see them again and i
had this feeling as they left that i made me may i may never have the wonderful good fortune and and favourable circumstances that i would be able to circumambulate don't shine stupa ever again physically go around
and i felt this tugging a tug physical tugging in my heart ah as we left
and as we coming down we we cross came to that bridge again encounter it and there is that creek so i wanted to go down into that crease way climbed down into depression went down and eight
water and rub came down and some other people and we looked in the water looked at our reflection looked at each other in the water were encountering it
everywhere i go
everywhere i go
i am it is now me but i am not it
everywhere i go i encountered
and this rock i took out of the creek at division this is my most ah
are prized possession that i brought back from china's this creek rack
which you can come up and see if you'd like leave it here for question answer
so ah
so this this poem of gunshots
i've been turning and i realized because i can't recite it without looking at it that it i haven't it hasn't entered my bloodstream yet so i apologize i feel very ashamed that i can't just recite it to you yet
don't seek from others or you'll be a strange from yourself
i now go on alone
everywhere i encounter it
it now is me i now am not it
one must understand this way to merge with being as is or to merge with justice
we have a chant that we can't call the how gyoza my the drool mere somebody and opening lines are this was written by toes on the okay gunshot and the first part says
the teaching of justice has been intimately transmitted from buddha and ancestor now you have it so keep it well

and this line
it is now me i am now not it it is now me i am now not it now i am looking at this you might say it is now me i am now it isn't that i like that that's nice
but that's not thorough enough
it is now me i am now not it meaning i go on alone i me i am me i am not or you are you or when you are you or i am i then
you encounter it
wherever you go you encountered but how come it says i am now it is now me it is now me i am now not it
does that make you wonder that make you wonder
makes me wonder
and what are they talking about anyway what does it was this it
it is now me what's it
i am now not it
so going to leave that just floating there for well and turn my attention to ah
which is we're going to be having a ceremony today called the cigar tea ceremony
and sometimes the cigar tea ceremony is called a memorial service and sometimes it's called the ceremony of awakening and nourishing all beings awakening a nourishing all beings
so this time of year in in different cultures is thought to be a time in this hemisphere anyway when the as they say as it said the veil between worlds gets very thin
this is the understanding of all saints day and the day of the dead and halloween
i where
there's ah
this is this understanding of different cultures whether we actually
whether this is who cares if we actually if this is actually turn out what what is actually true but this is how various cultures
commemorate this time of year
and they talk about this bail being very thin and where there's there's communion between
those who have passed away and those who have not yet passed way
so this ceremony is for nourishing all beings as a way of nourishing ourselves and nourishing
all beings those who have passed away and those who we we don't understand perhaps
how they are how they affect us or how we feel affected by those beings so often
ah this is the word cigar gawky the there were gucky means hungry ghost and
i remember when i first was
exposed to this teacher you are hungry ghosts i was put off by it because
i don't know it just seemed really too far out is just seem too much but in buddhist cosmology there are six realms three realms that are called
three rooms that are unfortunate because it's very hard to practice in those realms knows realm said the realm of hungry ghosts the hell realms and the realm of the animals and then there's other three realms the human realm where it's most favorable place to practice the realm of the gods or the day
eva realm and the realm of the assure as or the competitive aggressive fighting gods you might say so these are the six realms and the hungry ghost realm
i kind of graphically a hungry ghosts or the gucky our picture with they're drawn with great big bulging stomachs that are swollen because they can't get any nourishment and little tiny thin next that food and drink will not go down
in fact food and drink turns into an edible terrible things fire and other things and i won't mention when they try to swallow so they're not able to be nourished even though these beings are surrounded by love and surrounded by or
support and food of all kinds and the dharma it's very hard to take in the nourishment now you can say that those beings exist somewhere else in some other realm or he could say those beings exist right now in
this very being their inability to receive and be nourished
yeah i too feel that you can say about yourself or you may know people who no matter what happens they have an insatiable
this and need to grasp and try to feed themselves in all different ways through external things and yet nothing truly satisfies nothing satisfies
so this ceremony this is kind of been you might say the dark realm this is turning towards the dark and bringing our full attention full consciousness full body speech and mind to this kind of energy
whether in ourselves or in or for the sake of
all the people we know like that and all the people we know of the world not personally but no are suffering in this way
and we try to nourish them at the word nourish means
to provide with food or other substances necessary for life and growth
or to foster the development of or promote and sustain and it comes from the route and the root of the word means to to suckle to give which is the most primary you might say way of giving nourishment his mother's milk
and it also means to flow
and the words to nurse and nurture to suckle nourish nurture nutrient nutriment nutritious all these words come from that the and the
the route is to suckle
so ah so we need nourishment you know it could think to think that we don't need nourishment or weekend you know new chances now i go my way alone but this isn't saying i can do it by myself i don't need anybody i'm on my room
what am on my path out of my way i'm going it alone this now i go my way alone includes
everything this is alone
this is fully nourish completely fed tibet last drop completely suckled with dharma milk
and so you can say i go alone because alone means i go with all beings never to be separated again never to think
or believe that there is a separation and then i'm not supported and neutral fide if that's a word nourished by all beings
so to think that we don't need nourishment somehow and can go alone is
it's a curse i think is the kind of curse we carry within ourselves
about that
it or maybe it's a contract that we made with ourselves or with our parents or with her
i don't know negative demons or something bad you you can't stop me i'm going to do it by myself and nobody can stop me but this is very young this wears off this gets very is whereas very thin after about fifty years
and yet we continue on you know with this
contract that we've made sometimes so
and when we're surrounded by nourishment it's very hard to take it in partially because of this contract that we've made that says i don't need anything you know leave me alone i can do by myself to sound familiar
yeah okay
and this gets us into all sorts of trouble about how to take care of us ourselves thoroughly and union said you know you're carrying this precious
yes this dharma and take very good care of this be very cautious you have to take very good care of yourself
and if
part of what is unconscious you might say or in dark or and ah we're not shining a light on it if part of it is this contract that we've made about
i don't want to be obliged to anybody and i can do it by myself it can be very difficult to receive
receive the teachings it actually closes the throat you know
a and along with this is i i think it kind of
companion of this i can do it by myself and i don't need anybody is i'm not good enough that's another one that comes along with it i don't have what it takes so those to get in league with each other and of the shadow the shadows shadow sides get become in league with each other and make it
very hard to move freely to wander freely to make once peregrinations
ones pilgrimages to the sacred spots because or change you know by i can do by myself and i'm not good enough anyway
that kind of campbell
so it's very hard to be nourished and this ceremony we make an effort to nourish
those beings those parts of ourselves that have been forsaken last resented
denigrated forgotten
push to the side made to shut up
and so on
all those beings that die a wandering in a swirling world it says in the dedication at the end ah boundless wandering beings thirsting in a swirling days and we feel that way sometimes that were
swirling in days and lost
and we know people like that
and we know people who because they feel that we have taken their own lives
have lost contact with people have lost contact with their own
so this ceremony of awakening and nourishing beings is the kind of sometimes called a communion it's a communion where we we make this effort with our breath and concentration and full awareness and also sounds
that called this energy here invoke it ask it to come and also very kind words gentle kind inviting words being a wonderful host
to our guests and then we'd feed this we feed the hungry ghosts or this parts of herself or these beings
who have ah
departed and we feed them and and we feed them with dharma words we feed them with milk of dharma we settled them with the milk of dharma and chant
and also the incense how wonderful fragrant incense and dabble words and also their food symbolically that's made and placed on the alternate beautiful alter so this is all happening today at five o'clock can you believe it right
here in the what's going to be happening this afternoon
this transformative event
so this time of year we actually all of
the energy is turning towards the darkness the sun
is a shining you know that days are growing shorter the whole earth at least in this hemisphere the days are growing shorter it's getting colder the harvest is in rice harvest was in all throughout this province where we were we saw them by hand you know knocking that
grains of rice from the sheaves and the rice straw and
i didn't i didn't know if it was a good harvest are not a good harvest to look like a lot of race there but the harvest is end and our harvest is in replanting the cover crops the rains have come early things are settling down for a time because fallow time
when we're not growing head-over-heels it's a turning in and that's and practice period is like that to this is ah just the second week or so for practice period at green gulch and the word for practice pyramids peaceful abiding so or
hunkering down for some peaceful abiding just staying in one spot and steady taking care of what needs to be taking care of and sitting
so we bring up all this negative we bring it up into the light and we take care of it with our full awareness
this difficulty that we have in
facing the darkness of our own
body and mind and those of others the darkness that we seen others and the suffering of others ah
there is a poem that i'd like to recite by david white david weight recently it was here doing i yeah workshop and and he recites poetry my heart endless vs he he knows by his own poetry and others and i felt that i was in
the presence of a bird of old he could come up with these
selections you know that were and this some that's why the i when i say i'm ashamed that i hadn't memorized that doing shine poem knowingly
how it affects you to hear something memorized and because it's inside you when it comes out it has sir
it has an a valid quality to it that's different from reading it from a book
so today since we're we're going to be reading the names of people who died this year and also people who i have been asked to be remembered who have died and past years
and as we read those dames you know name after name after name there's a and when you listen some of you many of you maybe have put names in that you would like to be read today and there's a grief that may come up hearing the names of people you knew
so i wanted to recite the poem called the well of grief
and this this well this is in reciting this poem over and over a picture this well like a wishing well certainly and or in stone a stone wishing well and you look down into the will and and the top it's all you can
can't see the bottom and this is the will of grief
but it's also a wishing well that
the grief well this that looks like an endless bottomless dark well that you can never you can never reach bottom where the grief if you were to really turn towards that you might feel like if i were to really enter it
i would never emerge i would never come out i would be overwhelmed and i would turn into a i would disappear i would be obliterated if i were to really turn towards the pain and grief and the dark of my life
so this poem is and encouragement
those who will not slip beneath the still surface on the will of grief turning downwards through its blackwater to the place we cannot breathe
we'll never know the source from which we drink
the secret water cold and clear
nor find in the darkness glimmering the small round coins thrown by those who wished for something else

so those who will not slip beneath the still surface on the well of grief so i picture this well and were drawn to it we actually are drawn to the dark and this part of self because we are drawn on reserve it leave with ah
all are being to be whole to be thoroughly and unconditionally three
and we know we have to be home we have to be all parts of herself we have to be who we are so we're drawn to this well of grief the the still surface on the well of grief
but this this line the next land where it says where it says turning downwards through its black water to the place we cannot breathe
and but when you get to the end of that line you can't breathe you know that you actually there's no breath at the end that some
we have fear of that to go to the place we cannot breathe
can that place where we can never rise again and we can't function were
but we have to go we have to turn downwards through its blackwater to the place we cannot breathe
and the reason we have to go is for those who don't slip beneath and go there when they will never know we will never know the source from which we drink the secret water cold and clear
taking in this nourishment of this water the water of our life the water the dharma water
i'm a milk water
nor seat nor find in the darkness bright in the darkness at the bottom of the well glimmering
those small round coins thrown by those who wished for something else
and i feel like the ones those of us and when i throw the coins and wish for something else and standing outside of this well this i pictured outside of this well and i'm throwing my coins in can they are sinking down and i'm just wishing oh gee i hope i hope i'll be
i hope i be okay you know i hope i'll understand someday i hope
some day i'll really be thoroughly me but throwing the coins from you know
ten feet away throwing him
when actually what has to happens is to slip beneath turning down which through its blackwater to the place we cannot breathe because right there where we cannot breathe we we breathe in breathe in
reminds me of harry potter and the ghillie weed for those of you who read it when when he got this just occurred to me when he goes down under the lake he eats the giving me and he finds that he can't breathe at first and then he's keep he has gills form and he breathes in the water the war
water goes in and he receives oxygen from the water itself and he's at home you know and swims the water so it's like that it's like going down to the place we cannot breathe and that's when we find us source where we can drink
don't seek from other seeking from others is like throwing those coins from far away sir hoping that somebody somewhere out there might
ah you know make it all okay
don't seek from others or you'll be strange from yourself because that well that god will that is that is not separate from us that is our birthright and our life
the dark well of grief
i now go on alone everywhere i in-country everywhere i encounter it meeting me to see now i have to know perhaps because it went flying
it is now me
i am now not it how come i'm not it because i me i am completely me duke china saying i am completely me and
he's he's talking about the it you know the encountering it is a suzuki roshi cause a big mind you know big mind so big mind
within big mine i am still don't shine because doing is distinction doing shine can also encounter it and know that
i am it but it is not mean because i am me too i am doing shot completely therefore
it is me
when didn't try and is completely junction then
it is not don't shot because don't shine as completely to shine
i am now not it i am direction
completely but it is me
so when we go down into the dark to the place we cannot breathe in breathe in there
we'll see glimmering in the dark the small round coins thrown by those who wish for something else
and we know who we know what we wish for and we'll see them there and we'll see what i want to help with this great compassion will arise i want to help those or throwing coins into this will wishing for something else
that i have to that's that is my understanding of how to live in world is to help beings
who are throwing coins wishing for something else

well i'm going to stop now and i know you're glad i'm going to stop now because feel it
but i realized i didn't know what i was going to talk about when i came in to david it came out there is a sign up one

thank you very much
me too