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ah a though today's the truth of the to dug into his words
good morning

looking at it you i always think about being in a little boat on a big ocean

so today i want to acknowledge the closure of our closure here at green gulch
for quite awhile we've had a retreat sign up at the head of the road
i think many of you saw the sign and what we've been doing as hibernating and a buddhist fashion since just about the beginning of december when we had our robots his sashimi
and even though i wasn't able to
fully participate in the january practice period i really appreciated the possibility of quieting myself in this quiet and valley
so welcome back to everyone
are reopening is coordinated with the arrival of the california spring
as soon the plum trees will be rioting with blossoms
i wanted to begin today by telling you a story about a sham and woman
your my disappeared now

so as was her custom one morning after breakfast she invited all of the children to join her for a walk in the forest
and as they walked she pointed out to them the names of the trees and flowers and the herbs which ones were poisonous or edible
or had magical powers
when the youngest of the children had grown too tired to walk any further
she had them all sit down by the side of the river and she began to tell them the story of creation
but brother sun sister moon
fire wind earth water
and about the great turtle that carried the world through the heavens on its back
well at this point in the story the littlest child raised her hand and said old woman
if the world is carried by a great turtle what does the turtle standoff
and the old woman smiled and said on an even bigger turtle
and the child raised her hand again and what does that turtle standoff
and the old woman replied an even bigger turtle
and when the hand went up in the air again the old woman said to the child and a quiet voice with her eyebrows slightly raised listen it's just turtles all the way down

so this story got me thinking about all of these pesky questions that we are always asking ourselves and each other why are we hear how long's it gonna last where we going what do you want and so on
ah these familiar questions or we could say seeking are desiring and buddhist teaching as called samsara
and samsara simply means endless wandering are circling
maybe that's better
and the buddha made it very clear in his very first sermon called the turning of the wheel of a law that there was a relationship between desire and suffering
in fact desire is the cause of suffering
noble truth number one there is suffering and noble truths number two desire based in ignorance is the cause
so you can imagine desire and suffering as a circle going round and round and round as hires diversity and in the old texts this circle is often depicted injustice way so that one begins to feel rather nauseous
kind of like a rat on a wheel and a cage
now unfortunately
and my own situation my own experience of samsara
in other words my life
for me the appearance of samsara is has been more attractive them the image of a trapped rat
and this is a problem
in fact this circular habitual pattern of pain and suffering has most often occurred in the lovely homes of my once very best friends
or over an object that i liked that's been lost or broken
a very good example these days for me as the relationship between me and my daughter you know what could possibly go wrong there
i'm kidding
so in the parable of the burning house and the lotus sutra some sorry is depicted as a pleasure palace
and it confirms this tendency of mind that we have two mistake the appearance of things and to be lulled into complacency and kind of sleep
so i wanted to read you a little section from the lotus sutra which describes our circumstance pretty well and the great man mentioned in this story is the buddha and the children in the story are all of us
so there was a great house owned by a man of tremendous power and incalculable wealth this house has but one doorway
the halls are rotting the walls are crumbling the pillars decayed at their base the beams and rich polls precariously tipped
throughout the house and all at the same time quite suddenly a fire breaks out
the man's sons and daughters ten twenty or thirty of them are still in the house
the great man directly seen the fire breaking out is alarmed and terrified he then has this thought although i was able to get out safely through this burning doorway yet my children within the burning house attached as they are to their games are unaware ignorant
unperturbed unafraid the fire is coming to press in upon them the pain will cut them to the quick and yet at heart they are not horrified nor have they any wish to leave
so this is the tricky part for us you know how can we find
the source of suffering and it's release
in the middle of our very own lives you know this is our homework
it's within our circumstances that the noble truths are taking place
so how do you find in your own life a kind of earnest and endless seeking
so my experience it starts pretty young and then we just get better and better at it
my daughter is now five and three quarters and there is hardly a moment that goes by when she isn't either wanting something or inquiring about something
and quite often i'll say to her i don't know
especially when i don't
for instance the other day she said to me where is that ambulance going
brings you right up to your edge and so i honestly replied i don't know
and and she's learned to say
where do you think it's gone
so then i said do you want me to make up something and she of course did so
i was really creative and i made up an answer and then she said mom that's not right it's going to the hospital
anyway this this kind of circular questioning and answering
you know it's a very familiar very close at hand
and if nothing else she and i are honing our rhetorical skills with each other
but of course this kind of this kind of engagement isn't always a child's game in fact for my daughter to sometimes it gets quite serious
and by quite serious we can also mean
in buddhist terminology attached
we start to believe that there actually isn't answer to our questions or that we do know something or that we can get what we want
and as a result of those convictions we and those around us suffer terribly
so you can see the arrival of suffering just about any day of the week in your very own family system now even if you live by yourself
so these are the very circling that the buddha was studying during his own retreat
and the understanding of which coincided with his awakening
and this is a small verse from the dama pada which is a collection of the buddhist teaching from the third century prior to the christian era
what we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday and are present thoughts build our life of tomorrow
our life is the creation of our mind
our life is the creation of our mind if a man or woman speaks or acts with an impure mind suffering follows them as the wheel of the cart follows the beast that draws the cart
he insulted me she hurt me they defeated me he robbed me those who think such thoughts will not be free from hate for hate is not conquered by hate hate as conquered by love this is the eternal law
i was sitting on the lawn out here one evening with a young woman
who was very courageously struggling with the endless stream in her own mind of thoughts that were forming into desires and strategies and she was literally struggling for her life
and why we were talking the sun was going down and the clouds and sky were very quietly and slowly fading into darkness
and i found myself suggesting to her that she looked at the sky and clouds and the sunset
as she kind of briefly look up and then she would go right back into her nest of inquiry and pain
so ironically to study ourselves with a way seeking heart and an inquiring mind are precisely the tools of our practice as followers of the buddha's teaching
however this very same teaching and very same teacher also said there is nothing to get nothing to attain you already have everything you need
you've had it from the start
just a cat chasing after its own tail
so what's a girl to tube
so i've decided of late it i'm going to study this matter thoroughly
to look into my own experience for those moments that i
think of as trying to get something
in a whether it's a new bit of knowledge or some thing some person place or thing some object of desire
and this particular exploration seems very accessible to me
and i i imagine this would feel like a confession because i love to shop
i always have
when i was at tassajara heart was really challenging because
i had to resort to catalogs
and i would occasionally have the time to scan them in order to try to maximize purchasing power of my fifty five dollar monthly stipend
you know you have to be very careful because needs and wants can get confused and until long time for weeks as a long time before the next chance to spend
so anyway i have noticed that this impulse to seek for something is primarily physiological it's in my body
and i feel this vague unrest are longing and then i look around for some object to satisfy my hunger
to set some familiar to anyone
it's a lot like going to a restaurant that i frequented thousands and thousands of times and the menu has never changed it's the same stuff you know it's either
that i want some food a bath company a book video
or some chocolate
did i leave anything out
companies my scumbag
and i knew you'd think of that dirty people
the impeachment material
well the next thing i noticed was during an actual shopping experience that i was having at the mill valley market
i had my cart and my mental list and i was wandering up and down the aisles and i noticed what pleasure i got from handling all of these future sources of of pleasure you know
the jellies and condiments cheeses
and when i arrived home with my bags and i unpack them and put them carefully weigh in their pre-assigned spaces
i had this thought what would it be like to take the bag out again and put everything into it would there be any pleasure in that
so i tried it
as they say these days de
there was absolutely none
so then i wondered why not
what's going on here
so my theory is that it's not getting things that gives me my joy it's seeking
that's that's what gives me pleasure it isn't the acquiring the having the incorporating know incorporating is nirvana is the end of seeking
there is no inside or outside it's already yours no sell for other
the sun has gone down
perfect peace at last
sitting in the dark inhaling and exhaling

i don't get me wrong i don't think there's anything wrong with that
it's very nice
in fact it's it's vital to invaluable
but what's equally valuable is the sound of bell at the end of forty minutes
and the rioting of the blossom on my palm tree in the garden
and the endless round of pesky questions from our five and three quarter year old
a monk asked young man what is talk transcending buddhas and ancestors young men said
sesame cake
so we liked this idea of perfect freedom it's what got me here in the first place to the zen center
an end to suffering the buddha's third noble truth there is an end to suffering cessation
but we need to be very careful that we don't mistake the end to suffering to turning away from life
so just as a quick review the four noble truths are basically i set two pairs of causal relationships
truth number one and two are suffering and it's cause desire
that's where you get the circling called samsara the endless wailing of birth and death
truth number three and four are the cessation of suffering and it's cause by which we turned the wheel back on itself
so then you might wonder what is the end of suffering
that is a very good question
and the buddha's reply was in truth number for the eightfold path
right view right intention right speech right conduct right livelihood right effort right meditation right mindfulness
so in other words the cessation of suffering happens right in the living of this very life
it's a path it's not a destination
and for each of us it's our understanding is our conduct our livelihood our efforts are meditation
that realizes the put away
so enlightenment is simply freedom from wrong thinking
as it says in the lotus sutra the mere separation of self from falsehood
so fortunately just about everything that all of us ever thinks is in the category of wrong thinking there is continually this opportunity for liberation
because liberation occurs right on the occasion
of wrong thinking
when you let it go
when you release your grip
so enlightenment is not something that you get it's actually something that you lose
and namely the darkness the confusion the despair
the self concern
the rage and the disappoint
the round pearl has no hollows the great raw gm isn't polished
what is esteemed by people of the way is having no edges
removing the road of agreement senses and matter are all empty
the free body resting on nothing stands out unique and alive
there's a story by gregory bateson that he told us one time he is to visit the zen center he was a good friend of richard baker and of the community
and he said that there was a very wealthy man the turn of the century the son of a member of parliament who had gone quite mad and had been placed in an insane asylum
and the unique thing about this man was that he kept detailed records of his journey
into madness which had begun as a spiritual journey
and a significant turning point for this man was one evening at dinner
when he was served a bowl of pea soup
and he looked at the soup and he's had this thought it's to green
and then after that thought he thought it must be poisoned
and then he started to laugh uncontrollably and of course the attendance for so forcefully took him back to his room
well he later wrote in his journal that what had actually happened was the deed had a moment of insight into reality
he saw his thinking and that it was absurd
and it made him laugh
and it wasn't too long after this that he was released from the sanitarium
and i know it's not that easy in most cases you know people are really trapped into bondage by madness
but in this case anyway he was free
so it takes a lot of courage to challenge your own convictions
no i i don't think there's any one more dangerous to us than ourselves and we are the wild oxen that must be muzzled tamed and loved
so i thought it would end today by telling you how the great man got his children out of the burning house
this is a quite a famous parable and has meaning on many levels
so again from the lotus sutra at first the great man tries to tell the children that they are in danger
but they are very young and as yet have no understanding and all are in love with their playthings
so when he tells them explicitly get out quickly all of you
the house is burning down they don't believe him
an alarmed and unafraid they haven't the least intention of leaving the house for the they do not even know what a fire is or what a house is or what it means to lose everything
all they do is run back and forth looking at their father
so then the great man has this thought this house is already a flame with a great fire if we do not get out in time the children and i shall certainly be burnt i will now device and expedient whereby i shall enable the children to escape this disaster
the father knows each child's preferences and their attachment to specific toys and unusual playthings accordingly he proclaims to them the things you so love to play with are rare and hard to get if you do not come now you will regret it later
carriages drawn by goats deer and oxen are now outside the door for you to play with come out of this burning house quickly all of you i will give each of you what you desire most
so now the children here their father and the heart of each is emboldened and shoving one another aside and a mad race altogether they leave the burning house
had this time the great man seeing that his children have contrived to get out safely and that all are seated in an open space at the crossroads
upright note out
he is no longer troubled and secure at heart he dances for joy
so i thought you might appreciate knowing
how all of us have been tricked by talk of personal liberation
buy toys are us no less
but in fact the only gift that the buddha has to give his his own great though
to live for the benefit of others
and through the living of this vow
there arise in his selflessness
please after you
so this story of the house on fire calls forth and all of us our deepest feelings as human beings are concerned for the safety and protection of our children for the earth and for all of its creatures
so any of you all of you who have ever cared for any one more than yourself know the great toy that this man felt on seeing his children safe from the fire
so i want to thank you for coming today and
the exits are carefully marked
there are muffins and and he waiting for you outside the door
the or intention equally penetrate every be and plays with that there wasn't much juice there and so then he would move on to another seeking and pattern
and so then i brought up this idea of to of making bows of taking vows and so that it is sense also if we're going to live a for going to follow the eightfold path and engage in right conduct and so on then
you know we actually are held up to our own standard so you don't engage in a relationship where that vow isn't likely to happen
that would be breaking your own precepts
one of the things that's really wonderful about the precepts as a kind of
a sphere of consideration is that any one of them that you look at because they actually come up together they're not like there aren't and twelve sixteen separate precepts they're all basically descriptions of one precept and if you look at any one of those like not abusing sexuality for inst
wants to keep on the theme
a way to find out if you're abusing sexuality is to see if you're lying
or if your intoxicating yourself at the expense of others if you're slandering someone else and so on if you're harboring ill will
so it's very easy to check in with yourself is this abusing sexuality while it certainly is
so then you have to decide if going to do it or not
but it's only between you and you and the karma
the inevitable karma of your choices
which has also between you and new you you will suffer the consequences of those actions

i don't know
i'll take pleasure in a workshop
i try to slap
well i think it's really the considerations that we're we're bringing up our are beyond good and bad or not about good or bad those are just one side of you know of a continuum is it a bad thing or a good thing well it's probably me
either one
but there's something very interesting something to be studied and the you know that as logan said to study the buddha ways to study self not to judge him herself but what am i doing do i even know what i'm doing its that unconscious action that we do the habitual circling so circulating that is
being called into question you know not so that you can say well that's not i'm just stopped shopping you know that there can be interesting but only because it would give you another way to steady yourself
what happens when i refrain from
this action
the wouldn't been
i ran a backward and
ah shot
he reminder
an idiot i think the world differently know i know walking out back
uptown and i thought
i look at what how
hot and wet
get them then
now every with one that
then he would turn around from my novel
and often now
that not yet

yeah i think part of what we're trying to do is to unstick
you know see where you're stuck where's that record needle cutting its grooves and see if you can get it out of there here's some different tune you know than the one you're used to
does a lot of life outside of our grooves

and yet
but i wasn't really putting seeking down i i know someone else asked me about that and they said yeah same sort of way and i thought gee i didn't mean to let leads you to believe that i think there's something wrong with shopping you know it's actually is my great joy that was kind of
conclusion i drew was what i realized was this is a source of great joy for me you know and getting stuck in the judgments about it is put is more interesting and more curious about where those judgments are coming from
you know that there's something wrong with this well what is wrong with a jar of jelly
no nothing nothing but am i like you know desperate to get that kind of jailing when they run out of it i scream at the man in the store
well then i'm leaning into there's a problem here you know so you really want to find out where are you sticking to things where are you not flexible where aren't you able to open and release and let go
where's the flow getting blocked in my life
so there's nothing wrong with seeking chopping curiosity all of that stuff is what we do you know that's are actually but we need to be watching it be with it
it's the unconsciousness buddha buddha means a wake
it's all this means a wake do you know what you'd do know where your children are tonight
that's that kind of knowledge of ourselves and the more you look at yourself and explore yourself you know the more fascinating you become for one thing and the world by extension you know like whoa this is me too i was the put his inside this is me
so that's a big that's kind of a big relief
do not feel separate from the world
so that's where that kind of exploration will eventually take you
has been

you don't try to quit

i know
yeah yeah yeah well yeah i had that same pattern i am i feel like my birthright was introversion and i was very shy child very shy teenager very shy young adult and so on and dense
center was just the best place for an inter it
you get to sit here facing a wall and nobody talks to
bothers you they don't ask you if you're doing anything that's great
that there's also tremendous wisdom that flows through these court orders to and that led some point you to get invited to would you please hit the bell would you please i would you please give a talk
there's a logical progression here that you don't quite grok when you first think that this is you know the final solution so
i would i appreciated hearing at some point and i think you engage your intellect a in your own behalf as you go along you know who said something useful about this for me it was young who said something to the effect that in the first half of your life if you're an introvert that's how you
live out your life but then in the next half of your life you need to extrovert in order to complete the assignment and just the opposite if you've been extroverted you need to into her so that you complete the assignment and i think we all sense that that's true it's like a little chicken inside the egg if you don't get out that egg you're going to rocked so you've got
to start going against your own grain and began to explore through a lot of fear i'll tell you it's very scary you people when i meant the thing about the ocean and rowboat you know it's terrifying to face that cut that other side of yourself this is correct frame
i'm i'm scared
no no it doesn't go but you can go it's like a wall of flames you and we walk through it as you know you get very nice people nobody through anything i mean you didn't say anything mean you know he smiled when i told jokes and thing so it's really it's my it's appeared
yet again you know another wall in my mind
then i i'm exploring
but it it is it is frightening but he still that's that's the simon i was home just as the bunch of starts i've gotten it down to it the sound of the montreux bellows when all of the tear
what comes up is to be days or weeks
and i get really scared really scared and so now i say to myself something like well here's that fear there it is that's part of it you are not gonna do this without this happening that's just part of it now you're gonna go on and walked down there and offer incense and start talking
so they have other people encourage you i never would have done this i would not have volunteered to do this so to have my teachers say which you please give a talk
was extremely was a great gift as it turns out
so if you let other people invade your space is very good thing
well if you can cut through it and see how it always causes suffering
right right

right right it's it is a to it is a two edged sword or it isn't to aspect all things have these double aspects and the trick the trick is seeing the illusion of the whole process and the whole thing is an illusion that there really isn't suffering
of the trick you know it but that's a big one because we really hurt and it's really painful and i can imagine all kinds of things that i am not going to not suffer over i was telling someone that story of the zen master whose wife had died of many of my for many years and he was wailing and
pounding drum and the monk said if it's all an illusion why are you crying and he says yes it's an illusion but it's a very sad evolution
so we have that that double aspect always you know we we don't want to just be outside of desire no more desire i'm done with desire gone and we intentionally go in there the buddha intentionally went back into the burning house for the sake of others the trick is what's your motivation what's your vow
i vowed to bet live for the benefit of others
so then the suffering becomes in a very different order of suffering you suffer for others for the pain of others it's no longer self concern
the sense of self has gone you know there's really just how can i help you
and then that's just it's a different order of question at that point and that sort of what the the effort of a practitioner is about

he wanted


well i'm i'm not sure you ever get beyond anything you actually get completely into it
you know you know what it is part of woods i think very helpful and what what i was also attempting to point out in in my talk was how we think it's as thinking it enlightenment is about the end of wrong thinking so judgment is just another example of wrong
thinking are you really the worst person that ever you know walked on the face of the earth know you are not
so this thought is just a thought this pea soup is to green
what is i mean it's to green
what must be poisoned well just because you're thinking it doesn't mean it has anything to do with anything
you're thinking and the and in grasp ability of reality you know are are just all part of one big set
now we just keep reaching out with our little thinking trying to figure out what's going on but that's not what's going on just what we're thinking we don't not we can't figure out what's going on drives us crazy
i don't know what's going on or know who i am
i don't know who you are but you're wonderful
and i i think i must be wonderful
now even though i'm afraid to say so
and that's just my therapist has been telling me for years is low self esteem is just the flip side of how great you think you are you know me better than oh yeah that's right
so you know we we really just want to look at all how all that plays out what are we leaving out
and notice what you're thinking really notice it listened to the words in your own mind the tone of voice because i remind you
where'd you hear that first
grandma mom
which is kind of plane back something that has shit we want to lose its grip on us wanted to get little bit back away so we study at study is the bumper
that gives us some space between the thing that's going on and how we feel about that thing you know what is going on
you can also say doubt
not so sure i wonder
they make sense

i so balance

well you know the
the fundamental insight of
no separation between self and other is
though and the of that way caught
the that comes first that's the to chicken comes first
you know that there is no real separation that when i'm imagining as myself is precisely you
precisely green precisely spring precisely
no it's it's always
myself as arriving continuously
in the form of you in the form of color in the front of sound and so on so there's no wall there there's no snow place to stand back back or aside or out of
so in that sense when you get a glimmer of that
then anything you're doing to benefit yourself is benefiting others as what they're just the same thing
your included this this one doesn't isn't out of the
the net of concern but you can all take care of me
and do and i'm swell supported by the world we all are so then our our work is to take care of what's outside
and that that way you make a net of concern for everyone's held

well you know it's
i think it's from natural for us to suffer for the little animal that got hit by the car
read the chronicle any day of the week the homeless people on the street it's very painful is very painful
really painful than you feel sorry for you
for you you get included
pour me
no this is really hard and i'm gonna keep working with it you know so in a way you you find what the circumstances are the turin and then you ask yourself so what's the practice with these circumstances
how do i practice with the circumstances if you're involved in the precepts what are the precepts tell me about these circumstances do i yell out the window you dirty scum bags
so you you refer back to the practices and your intention of relating to the world
around you and the pain that you perceive in your own life and magic does happen i mean it's kind of amazing the see shakespeare in love i love that line he keeps saying you know well i don't know either but it's magic or something is a mystery is a restaurant and it it always works
out the theater of life you it's in history so many loving film like god
and have conveyed that we don't know but we just keep
stepping forward with our best our best effort and wisdom
it may be years from now when that neighbor says you know something maybe or never i want to get your hopes up
a lifetime's

question that
these circle of so
getting car
jumping offer so it's or urine
on my part to hear my heart of the expensive
that or of my worker
the expected wouldn't be on that an angle
continue that seems like
the guise of
you know it
in switzerland challenge
hello take care of her

well you don't so that's one way and also it just i mean i was listening to and i thought this is the sweetest music to my ears because you are really trying to do it you're already talking about taking care of others and how do i do that it's like
you know i'm not going to worry about you
so that's that's the ideas that that's your motivation and you're worried about that
that's it doesn't get that for now
you might get more skillful
you know juggling oranges
we're all trying to do that my ribs said one time and i guess get good at juggling eleven oranges and then somebody's hands me number twelve
and that's always going to happen
is never eighty nine
know and then you die
surrounded by oranges


what is what are you to give an example of what year and thinking of
when you say a thousand
a case ah
that's merchandising
as a profession i don't think there's anything wrong with it
and so it depends you know i mean one of the eightfold path is right livelihood
so merchandising can be very wholesome may if you're selling your dharma books or whatever and you can be doing some really wonderful work in the world so yet but you have to be careful you know what am i it maybe your talent so that's great you know you you go ahead and enter your talent but then you still have all these ques
oceans you're answerable to the same list of precepts that the rest of us are
so i don't think there's any limitation in the sense of what particular talent you have or what predilections you have you know we're all really different if we all said what we did for living be amazing know
but it's because we chose that sort of that was our flow to how do you see what your flow how that comes to into the container of buddha's teaching
everything fits
it's nothing that doesn't fit
when you have to be careful
can't trick ourselves and i i think all of you by now are probably aware of this books and at war but of tricking going on there
that's not buddha dharma
even a child knows as
so how'd that happen
we need to study that to how did that happen i'm reading that book
cover to cover

sufferings a great feedback is like the red light on your dashboard you know
this is terrible i'm in paying something wrong
so something's out of balance for you
and meditation is really good amount of know how many of you take it seriously erecting to it but it's really good is really good know it actually gives you a chance to settle that that thing i was talking about of
sitting in the dark inhaling exhaling let's meditation so beautiful thing to do
very very
the ultimate
and it's the resource that helps you to sort out the rest of it because the world looks very different from inside of your experience of meditation you know what i'm after a been sitting here in the morning and i go outside it's just beautiful
what i see him
takes awhile for the wear off
so you can you can renew that appreciation of life and the simplicity
by letting your mind quiet down
see what's really there
what you really want to do
before you are already doing it

yeah yeah that sounds good
i know it
they were know brian victoria
brian victoria
we have it in the bookstore


he is it

a hit a painter
wouldn't you know that's not what we call help that's a real helping us maybe some kind of seeking more some kind of out of balance and ah
but you know it's it's another kind of
frustration of our practice is that as suzuki roshi said you know
tough on yourself and really easier on everybody else so what part of what happens when you're doing this especially in monastic training nisi you're asked to keep your eyes down and not watch after people's behavior which is very hard because that's my favorite thing you know how am i going to
make all those judgments if i don't watch what they're doing so
you know so it's it's really first and foremost that you see how you are
functioning where am i coming into this situation and with what how my meeting this situation than i'm in
and a part of part of what's really painful about beginning practice
middle practice can brag that is noticing your own ways that you
are you know be mean the people and the other stuffs and you doing that you really wish you wouldn't know so there's plenty of material here always to keep you really well occupied and ah and then at the effort to actually it's extend kindness to others
especially others who are so irritating it's unbelievable
is is really the challenge of practice that's the practice the situation as this person driving me nuts practices kindness
good morning
i bought you some chalk
and what's really weird as you can change people
you know without their knowing it they may never even be conscious of what happened just there you know s okay but there was this old woman that i lived with for about a year who was really cranky and she used to crank on me all the time and i in on the more i got into hating her and wanting to get revenge on enough make
can soup tastes good or whatever i did to to really try to hurt or that just nothing changed and then i had read something and a buddhist book about giving gifts to demons
and i went out and i shot and i bought her the most beautiful thing that i could find it was a subtle ceramic of a gift package
it's really beautiful and i had erupted and i left it on her chair
and you know we had like about a month of heaven together she was in tears
just in tears you know and an eminent her softness toward my gift open my heart so we had this really lovely period of of relief
the didn't last him but it was very nice and i i got faith in that
the possibility of change


the way

no is a good question
and i think there's a real difference between training
and what i'm suggesting which isn't a sense the ultimate outcome of an enlightened vision
the there is no self rather is is the put his vision
so in in zen training you actually start with the buddha's enlightenment vision
that's the paradigm that we establish your already buddha this very mind is buddha they talk like that
so you know course we don't believe the adder we don't see that or whatever but that's that's where you're starting your starting at the top
and then you work with bringing that up to till you actually do see that are believed that and if you look in the lotus sutra again there's the parable of the prodigal son who whose father he he's he's left home and forgotten who is she's our situation
and his father sees him after his wandered for years and the countryside and he recognizes him and he said my son and the kid runs away he's you know he thinks he's going to be killed
ah so then the buddha has disguises himself as a beggar and comes and talks to the boy and says what would you like to shovel horse manure in my palace says literally this is actually what it says and the kid says yeah i can do that
so he gives them a shovel and he lets make canada stables and as the years go by he gets to take care of the horses he gets to take care of the farm and pretty soon he's the manager of the farm and then the buddhist says as he's dying actually near my son will you please take care of all of this and at that point the man knows
who is there's no longer this
but it actually requires and that's where skill and means comes that you you know the excuse me for saying so but we give the guest students a broom and and ask him to clean the toilets and all that sort of things like please just start where you feel like you're worthy to start it's not true
you could give the lecture next sunday's okay with me will you do that
no i can't do that you know okay well then would you do that okay i'll do that so it's you actually meet people where they are and then work with them it takes a while to in a training the monasteries are are basically i think training in the lotus suit this parable of lotus sutra the product of
son i think that's exactly what they're about to build you up to the point where you can accept who you are but you haven't changed you were there in the beginning and you're there the end
no just you understand differently and that understanding becomes what you are you are what you understand

yeah it's your vision
what is everyone's vision it does not it's not your not limited to some idea of a person
and you see that and thereby connect to everyone
i didn't make this this this miracle of of awareness doesn't belong to
we all share it
of life doesn't belong to me we all share it
blunkett all living things
and by extension the entire universe
now one can hurt it
can't hurt it
the pearl has no hollows
the the gym does not need to be polished
that was that poem that
what time is it to somebody know
when you start building your

the giants photograph
background with a camera
holy father
that would be like

hmm hmm
the and me
and the butterfly yeah
what that
what is that are other people for up there
i am other people will evaluate a
well you have to do this the training program that's the only hitch here otherwise is open to everybody
and that's been that way it is open the river

but you know i could be wrong
things change

beam board
but not yet


yeah well i don't think boredom it goes away as a phenomenon of your experience and i think it
it arises like hunger and various other things but you you learn to accept things as they arise with some knowledge that this too shall pass all things are impermanent
you know so few if you're bored and you're you're kind of tricked into taking action in order to not deal with the fact reward or to look at boredom or to wait be patient and the practice is patients the situation is i'm bored while the practices
in that case perhaps his patients
or effort
i heard one time that depression i don't know if this is true but depression is kind of laziness
that you're not taking any action to move out some effort
well i can't i'm too depressed or so it's a kind of self and self defeating
so i mean that's you know the buddha taught all this stuff to board lazy restless angry greedy people yeah
that's who he was talking to that's who were all talking to us to ourselves about our situation boredom is very common phenomenon for all of us
so maybe next time instead of you know getting the car keys
you could just sit down and watch
what happens if i just get really bored
when i think that's when thousand is you know you believe sitting for forty minutes with nothing to do
it has a hearts really interesting some people come to tassajara and i mean i've been doing this for long enough that i'm sort of i forget how amazing it is for somebody to not have a radio on or the tv on or to be talking you know that
there was a
oh my that somebody know my niece i said to her please come as my guest and the guest house i'd love to have issues this lovely
by vicious young woman you know full of life and so on i said know be so happy if you'd come and she said oh can i bring my vcr and my dinner nice it won't actually know it's a quiet house you know you i so what are you sure you do there any my music as said will actually you can't really do that just be quiet so i can't do that
so if there is a kind of space between being able to sit quietly for forty minutes and this idea that you can't possibly do that
you already have you've done them many times you've confronted your boredom
actually face it
when we could try it at home
you know
after record

that's right
heard it's also the deadliest
and the deadliest phenomenon in our assortment of for a practice
because it's so cool it's so
lumpy and sluggish and say
i hate it when kids sam board you know the whole world is out there you know you're bored i can be bored

why i think that's why they consider the deadliest in know barrier in your practice because it's race for close to quiescence
but there's that nine and boredom has a kind of nine quality you want something to happen you want you know
so unsettled there's an unsettled called but i think it's true that it's it's getting close to quiescence to release
can a near enemy of peace real peace

ha ha

ha ha ha ha
ah that makes them so you don't have to feel the pain that makes allows him

yeah avoid the pain
well why don't you all
have a nice day and you for coming lunches in about fifteen minutes