As my friend Lou Hartman said a few minutes ago, I was lost and confused, I ended up bowing at the wrong altar. In the middle of it I realized, oops. I realized a couple of days ago that this year I've been away almost five months of the year, and so it's not such a surprise that I feel particularly happy to be home again. Lost and confused included. The last three months I've been spending a lot of time in Minnesota, in Minneapolis at the Zen Center there, initially helping Mrs. Katagiri and the students in the sangha there take care of Katagiri Roshi, who as many of you know has been very ill with cancer, with a lymphoma.

[01:04]

I'm happy to say that when I saw him last week, just before I got on the plane to come home, he did not look to me like a man who was about to die. He looked like he'd come back into the ordinary world of suffering and joy in a way that was quite surprising and wonderful to see. Sitting cross-legged on his bed, unpacking the monk's backpack called Kesagori, which a monk in Japan traditionally carries with all of the essential objects in the pack. He was unpacking his, showing it to a couple of us. One of the people who was in the room at the time is going to Japan in the spring, so he was finding out about all the gear. And Katagiri Roshi was very engaged and lively and interested in the world around him in a way that I haven't seen for over a year.

[02:09]

So I'm not quite sure what to make of it, but it was wonderful to have that experience with him. In reading about and watching the news on the television the last few days about what's happening in Romania, what has come up for me quite potently is a sense of a kind of arising around the world these days of some willingness to do that which seems to need to be done on the part of many, many, many people, even when they know they are risking their lives, because the time has come to make a strong stand for the ending of abuse and tyranny in our human world.

[03:11]

And I found myself very moved by my sense of what is happening in different parts of the world in this effort to have democracy in some sense that is not just our brand of it, but democracy in the sense that the Dalai Lama talks about it, democracy meaning a possibility for a life of happiness and simple human freedoms to live and work and practice religion as we can and want to, not causing harm for others. And in watching the news and reading the newspapers and just imagining what is happening in Romania, what I know more closely and many of us know more closely has happened in recent years

[04:16]

in Tibet and in China and in Central and South America and who knows what other places. This capacity that we have in our lives to act for some benefit which goes beyond our own particular lives. And in thinking about these events, these actions of human courage and spirit and determination, I come again to be considering this practice for the cultivation of bodhicitta in the Buddhist tradition, which is the cultivation, the seeking for the cultivation of enlightenment for the sake of all beings. What does it mean to practice bodhicitta, to seek enlightenment for the sake of all beings?

[05:24]

I don't know how it is for any of you, but I know for me that vow had a kind of dimness for a long time. It seemed like a nice idea, but not very attainable, a little bit off in the distance, a vow that I could read about taking or I could go through the motions of taking, but which seemed a little bit beyond the tips of my fingers if I stretched my arms out. And I know for myself, my capacity to take up that vow with some sense of actually being able to live it has been greatly influenced by meeting some of those rare beings who are embodiments of bodhicitta, who look like they actually believe that it is possible to become enlightened for the benefit of all beings.

[06:29]

And so once again, I find myself feeling inspired by living realized beings in the way that Shakyamuni Buddha, the historical Buddha, devoted his life to show us that it is possible in a single human lifetime to cultivate this capacity for deep, intimate, awake mind. So in all of the texts and commentaries that talk about bodhicitta and how one does it, one is encouraged to avoid the downfalls, to pay attention to the causes of those downfalls, which of course very quickly brings us right up face-to-face with, well, what are they? The so-called afflictive emotions, anger, jealousy, greed, fear, all those goodies that

[07:37]

we know so well. And we are encouraged over and over again by all kinds of great teachers and great teaching texts and commentaries to, in addition to avoiding the downfalls and cultivating the transformation or dissolving of the afflictive emotions, to cultivate what are called the six paramitas or the perfections. And I know I've talked before about the first one, which is the cultivation of giving or generosity, but I can't help myself. I think I have to talk about it again, given that it is the season of generosity or of giving. And particularly I want to talk about the paramitas in this first one especially, because I think we need to help ourselves and help each other to stay with the widest and deepest

[08:40]

understanding of the first perfection during this season which so easily gets to be one of commercialism and materialism. A couple of days ago I was in the market and standing in line waiting for my turn to be waited on. The woman standing next to me had a bad case of the blahs. She was going on and on about how, I thought only in Will Valley could this happen, how you spend thousands of dollars and what do you get. She said, you know, just this huge terrible statement from the Visa and MasterCard and American Express. And she sort of grumbled and groused about all the meals she was going to have to cook

[09:40]

and all the expensive plane tickets to get her kids all to be home. She was not enjoying herself at all. And there was a sort of atmosphere of blah around her. And I stepped back a few feet to hope of not having it get on me. And thought, gosh, I'm lucky I've been out of town. There's no way I can participate in Christmas, so I've given it up. How fortunate. So how do I connect all of that with the cultivation of generosity? So I've gone back and looked at some of my favorite texts on how to practice with the six perfections. The practice of giving is described as having three aspects.

[10:42]

There is the giving of the Dharma, the truth of the true teaching. There is the giving which is called protection or safety that one may provide for another person, another being, not just us human types. And then there is the giving of material things, which is of course what we're all caught up in during this time of Hanukkah and Christmas and New Years. But I think that when we talk about the cultivation of generosity in the context of Dharma practice, what we're talking about is a very particular kind of giving, which is the giving which doesn't expect anything back. If I give so-and-so a great present, will she give me a great present back? I don't think it's that kind of giving. It's much more the kind of giving that Roka was exploring in so much of his poetry, where

[11:50]

he is trying to describe, trying to meet that love which does not expect anything in return. So if I hold before me some intention to cultivate generosity with this sense of not expecting anything back, what I notice is that I get to run into all of those flashings, the arising of strings attached to the gifts I give. And if I can, with some kindness, notice those instances of I'm giving something but I actually hope I get something back, and I'm patient and kindly, I can look into the source of that and let it go. So this is the occasion for giving gifts of time, of energy, of attention, of warm-hearted

[12:53]

greeting, of taking up this cultivation of generosity which is described in Buddhism as the ground from which the cultivation of these other perfections can be built. The perfection of morality, of patience, of energy, of concentration, of wisdom. One of the commentaries that I've been reading recently describes making a vow as being like a kind of tying together, that if you have a bundle of sticks that you tie together, they make a bunch, there's some form there. But if the string breaks, they flop every which way. And so the vows we make are a kind of string that tie together body, speech, and mind.

[13:58]

And I think we all know what it's like when the string comes untied. Our mind is all over the place and our actions, our thoughts, and our speaking are all over the place. So a vow to cultivate giving or generosity is a kind of binding together of body, speech, and mind out of the clear intention to follow on this path. The path that leads ultimately to the cultivation of enlightenment for the sake of all beings. Generosity is presented as the first of the perfections because it's supposedly the easiest. All the others are harder. So whenever I read that, this is the easiest practice, I think, oh my. This is indeed a long haul.

[15:04]

I've been thinking about the holiday season and the practice of generosity at this time, and thinking about it in particular in terms of what nature is up to at this time of year. I don't know if you've ever heard of it. I don't know about you, but I know in the fall when I begin to notice the days getting shorter and the weather beginning to be a little bit colder, and I remember winter as an idea, I kind of dread it. Long nights and short days, and it'll be cold. And where I live, we're in a creek bottom, so we have a kind of extra special corner on cold and wet. And once again I've forgotten all the joys of winter.

[16:18]

It's true that the nights are long and it's cold these days, but I never see the stars as glistening and bright. I never see the constellations as clearly. I don't notice the brilliance and redness of Mars, the planets sparkling in the sky nearly as clearly as I do at this time of year. If I look out the window and see the trees bare of their leaves, there's a way in which I'm seeing the bones of the trees, and there is a very particular kind of beauty to the skeletons of the trees. And of course at this time of year, our trees and bushes are filled with all of the myriads of little birds that come in the winter in flocks.

[17:20]

And all their beautiful clothing. And in Minnesota where they have real winter, real winter, it's the first time in my life I've experienced zero to thirty below. I couldn't even imagine it. And much to my delight, one of the great benefits of that kind of cold weather is nose hair icicles. Literally. A new experience of the breath. You breathe in and you have little icicles, and you breathe out and they melt. And I came to understand winter clothing with a different understanding. Mufflers and silver clothed face masks.

[18:21]

So there are little slits for eyes and little breath openings and tiny slits for mouths with flaps, which always seemed like overkill. And boy was I grateful for all that stuff. There's a lake across the street from the Zendo in Minnesota, which a visit before last was water. In this last visit I looked out the window and there's a dog running around in the middle of the lake. Not even doing any magic. And people ice skating. And in the snow, an incredible kind of silence. The kind of silence that we in California don't know unless we go up into the mountains in the snow. So at this time of year we have these holidays. Whether we are of religious persuasion or not, we have these holidays. And we have about them, all of them, some common themes.

[19:27]

Brightness and lightness in the dark. The warmth of gift giving, gift exchanging, and of being with family and friends. We have the encounter of winter, which brings always coldness and darkness and palpable reminder of the dying side of the life cycle. Reminds me of the Bodhisattva Jizo, who is one of my favorite bodhisattvas, if one can have a favorite. That bodhisattva who is the presence in the chill, in the cold of the hell realms, where there is no warmth. Jizo has the job of bringing the warmth of the human heart.

[20:32]

And I think that's what we are calling forth in ourselves and in each other at this time of year with the holidays that we celebrate. Our capacity for the warmth of human heart in the midst of the winter chill. And of course, for people who come from a Christian tradition, this is also the time of year when there is the celebration of the birth of a savior. And there is, with New Year's, for all of us, the opportunity for, once again, beginning fresh, a new start. Thank you. Over the last several weeks,

[21:37]

I've been engaged in a series of practices and ceremonies that have to do with initiation and verification and a kind of clear and overt articulation of the path that emanates from the Buddhas and ancestors. Very moving for me to go through these various practices and ceremonies, especially with my dear friend and teacher and our good friend, Kaigiri Roshi, who has been very sick but went through all of the ceremonies that we were doing together, doing everything, no matter how weak or sick he felt. And so, consequently, able somehow to also be very present, like a lion.

[22:38]

How does someone who is weak and sick also be present like a lion? I find it a little bit of a mystery. And I was particularly struck by a certain quality in our tradition, which has to do with the cultivation of our capacity for intimacy with ourselves and with each other and with all beings, with all things. Akin Roshi, when he was visiting us this fall, talked a bit about how the character for enlightenment in Chinese is sometimes translated as meaning intimacy. So, I think it's useful. At least I'm finding it useful to remind myself that this vow to seek enlightenment for the benefit of all beings

[23:41]

can be understood as a vow to cultivate some deep and wide capacity for intimacy with all beings and all things, no matter what happens. Somehow, enlightenment is sometimes confusing. What do I mean when I say to myself, I am seeking to cultivate a capacity for enlightened mind, enlightened action? I have a better sense of what I mean when I think I want to cultivate a capacity for presence and awakeness, some intimate quality of connectedness with all beings and things. So, can I and can we all, at this time of the holidays,

[24:42]

remind ourselves that that may be our deepest heart's request for how to be at this time of year and not let ourselves get distracted by the artificial world we have created. To be grateful for the winter, which is the time of year when it seems to me, anyway, easier to stay in touch with the rhythms of the natural world. To stay in touch with... Katagiri Roshi's phrase is to stay in touch with the old ways, some simple fundamental ways of living our lives that help us stay in touch with the natural world and not be fooled into thinking that there isn't birth and death

[25:44]

and disaster, things being born and dying, and the joy that arises when we stay in touch with things as they actually are. I'm at Minnesota landscape at 30 below. A couple of days ago I heard on the news that with the windchill factor it had gone down to 81 degrees below zero. It's unfathomable. In that landscape I could appreciate that life is fragile, that in that landscape if you live alone and you go out to put the garbage in the garbage can and you slip and fall, that's it.

[26:45]

Someone finds you frozen in the morning. So you pay attention. It's not quite so extreme here. But there is a kind of vividness when we walk out in the early morning before the sun has come up. There is a kind of vividness in making a fire in the wood stove, standing outside in the warmth of the winter sun if you get out of the wind a bit, and smelling the smoke on the air. A delight in being with one's friends and family. A time when we can be grateful for the suffering of all those who suffer in the world.

[27:46]

Today and this week and these weeks and months and years. Please join me in remembering all those people who are putting their lives on the line for the sake of freedom and happiness around the world. Can we join together in sending our gratitude and support for all those who suffer around the world? Our gratitude for those who are willing to risk their lives so that those who come after them can lead lives that are happy. And can we patiently and with gratitude

[28:48]

use the opportunity that we have living here with all of the abundance of our lives in this country to not forget the great opportunity we have to practice, to make our best effort to cultivate our capacity for enlightenment for the sake of all beings. In the middle of these still long nights we light lights. We light candles and lights on Christmas trees. If we're out driving in our cars we see lights shining from people's houses. If you drive down Highway 1 you see the colored lights on the great old tree here on the edge of the Green Gulch compound that we light on the winter solstice.

[29:51]

There is light in the midst of darkness. Can we enjoy that and send our intention and our gratitude throughout our lives and the world not just for ourselves but for others? Some of you may remember the little booklet that came out some years ago called The Hundredth Monkey. It talks about this phenomenon in the natural world that has been observed where suddenly, inexplicably monkeys in remote areas, remote from each other will suddenly start doing the same thing at the same time. It seems like the hundredth monkey phenomenon

[30:57]

is happening in the human world right now. And there is, in the midst of this incredible time of great suffering some possibility for the ending of tyranny and oppression. And it's quite remarkable. There are untold stories of heroes and heroines. I think we have no idea how much each of us holding in our minds our intention for a harmonious, wholesome world helps not just ourselves but others. Others at great distances from us. It's a kind of mysterious thing that happens.

[32:00]

The Buddha way is about light in darkness. The interconnectedness, recognizing the interconnectedness of everything. Recognizing that our lives are fragile and we have a great opportunity as human beings to practice on this path which is about the cultivation of our capacity for deep, intimate, awake connectedness. So may we on this eve of the celebration of the birth of Jesus on this day in the midst of Hanukkah on this day just after the celebration, the marking of the solstice and a short few days away from the beginning of the new year

[33:09]

renew our individual and shared intention to follow this wonderful path for the sake of the cessation of suffering of all beings. And may we dedicate our being together this morning and our practices today and during this season to the cultivation of this intention within each of us and that we share. Thank you very much. May our intention...

[33:55]

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