Sunday Lecture

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today's the jews the target those words

welcome sweet springtime

i have a good friend who's also a zen student
said water is his name
he used to live here
in roane county
we used to take walks together
love the date was together in the spring in the winter and the various seasons and enjoy ourselves
speculate on life and the dharma
one springtime
what about this time ear year
we were sitting
up there by the lakes
lagunitas in font hampi
i lived in fairfax them
and said looked around the lupin and puppies and all the different flowers and blue
he suddenly tears rolled down his face
he said all god is all beginning again
to all beginning again
no sooner do we look dead weather in the face then it's springtime
the horses are stamping and stomping and
this time to take the reins
it's like these periods of transition of
spring time can be as difficult for people is
this autumn
there's winter

for him and four maybe some of us and they do all of us at some time
was a time of transition
not only a transition between seasons but a transition in his life
one of those crises periods
where everything seems to be in disarray
up in the air
pieces haven't come together yet
his an old poem
that occurred to me today when i was thinking about this a bit
it's funny you know on
we can read something or here's something over the years in the
everything will be forgotten it seems and then all at once some lines of poetry will return some
i'd bet a conversational that has stuck in the head comes back and speaks to us
and this was a poem
i refers to buddhism actually was from a no play a japanese know and know each no play
that was reading in the days when i wasn't really interested in japanese literature and hadn't actually started study
the buddha dharma yet
usually in these no place it's a spirit of some circuits making a confession are talking
a ghost as it were
the poem goes
the old buddha is gone
the new one has not yet come
and i am born as in a dream
who will tell me what is real
me that's put on this human flesh so hard to come by
the old buddha is gone the new one is not yet come than i am born as in a dream who will tell me what is real me let's put on his human flesh so how to come by
when i think that's a good to him
submission is suffering
have those moments when all the egoic self reference points are blown away
please feel naked helpless
of course historically speaking the old buddhist god i suppose be first to the fact that after shockey money had and when shakyamuni buddha dive when he went into per nirvana older
all the monks were weeping and wailing and crying and lamenting and so on
there's a future buddha was always a future buddha coming call my trail in our legend
the future buddha that will bring
after the degeneration of the buddha dharma will once again come back and desist the true path
to know buddha is gone but the new one is not yet come were in that transition period
and then the teachings of course as i said there's a there's the idea of
the beginning of a teaching the
first enthusiasm
that we have about something
the first flash of insight to recognition of some truth and reality about ourselves and the world
before long and we practice that are have to the world practice that are after a religious practices that are a group of people practice it informed a kind of formalism sets in
gonna lose this edge the spirit becomes a little bit degenerate
finally there's a period work fades away just like the seasons
just like the tc says itself all things are impermanent
fades away and that period as called actually in the teachings mambo mambo
so maybe this play was something about that the spirit comes back feels like a ghost
felt like sid felt felt like
maybe some people in this room feels even at this moment
the old way is gone the new one is not yet come
in the crucial line and i am bored as in a dream
there's a difference between saying i am born in a dream and i am born as in a dream
the buddha dharma talks about life as a like a dream but not a dream it's not as if it's just a dream
it has this dreamlike qualities
how can you get hold of it
and who's going to tell me what is real
i look outside of myself
we look outside of ourselves for
some reference point that will point the way
leave a lot m the role according the gospels that will according to mohammed the world according to freud the world according to marx
i wrote according the buddha the world according to
george bush
the world according to daddy or mommy or the teacher
and who's going to tell me what's real and all of them

among comes to
one of the teachers and the chinese
one of our chinese ancestors
and says something like this
this body is going to rot away
what is the body of the hard and fast reality this body's gonna rot away what is the body of the hard and fast reality
pretty good question same question that's maybe it being asked in this notably
a teacher answers
mountain flowers bloom like brocade
the valley streams
flowing a burgeoning
the color of indigo
mountain flowers bloom like brocade
the valley streams
glistening like the color of indigo
who's gonna tell me what is real
here i sit naked and afraid alone in a world i never made his that reality
the world stands out on either side no wider than the soul as wide overhead to spread this guy no higher than the soul as high is that reality
who is gonna tell us what is real
particularly when you've lost
the winters past the spring is coming or the summers past the season of your life is changing
the family's gone the job is over the lovers departed the dog has died the teacher tells you to get lost

i hear some recognition
how familiar it is to us are suffering this
references to
the and grasp ability of those moments when nothing seems to work
when we look around pull a book from the bookcase or turn on the t v or look for some new inspirations to new beginnings and new place to start our lives

i bring this up particularly right now because we're in the middle of a practice barrett
will actually pass the midpoint of the practice barry

will become as students the practice for the first time we were filled with enthusiasm
a kind of openness to whatever is going to be in
these new and beings novel in it now we had to do a study ourselves whatever that is final what the reality of that is sit on a cushion and face a wall and study the
and passes before our eyes
the little by little and and feel that although we've had instructions to
simply let things be in their own way and let the flowers grow
the flowers fall
we hear poems like that we hear poetry that says over and over something like although we love them of flowers die although we disliked them the weeds grow so will a trail let the weeds grow watch the flowers over our life for and observe that phenomena without attachment
that's the that's the teaching watch all of this without getting hung up on any of it
however this us
it's kind of exciting to do there for a while
the little by little that to seems to lose its edge
and the novelty wears thin and after a well we find ourselves sitting simply looking at a wall sore legs and
tired of the food
tired of endless teachers talking about obscure things
when or what we're doing here
why are we doing this
whole world is out there waiting for us to our place in it and here we find ourselves ending up staring at a blank wall and paying for it either
we going to question this whole affair this whole ceremony to we cut ourselves kind of hindu
i still don't know what's real i i yesterday i did yesterday i had this experience we might have you know sitting zazen and all at once i understood clearly but i woke up this morning and i thought the yuck
saw gun as monday morning it always seems like monday morning
no different than having go out and get caught in the gridlock
to what am i doing here the super common experience and in fact it's a very necessary experience
of abandoning her egoic when a call or a goruck are self referencing
to the unknown
you go to see the teacher in the teacher said ah that sounds pretty good go back and sit some more
well i think i'd like to leave
won't leave find out how that is
so one leaves and then one goes back into the world finds out it's very hard to not only is it difficult to render a rented an apartment but it's even more expensive now
cost more money than ever to run your car your back looking for a job again everything is noisy fast aggressive materialistic
the versions and all sides you forgot why you had left in the first place
and now you feel really trapped
he tent you've left the monastery just as you left the other life
so now who's gonna tell me what is real you go back to the old ways but now that really hangs heavy on your shoulders
what to handed people to set people we have two sides are right side in the left side a worldly side and an aesthetic side said that longs for some deep realization of some absolute some ultimate truth
in aside that wishes it could just leave all of those questions and wrap up into the diversion of the moment to work of the moment and for its time it works
most of us are not really worldly that worldly were not caught up and being a movie star or
having a big name up in lights then we're not we're not dog and zingy or and st francis of assisi we can have a foot kind of mediocre eventually and luke warm and both
can't really commit to either side maybe
looking for some kind of distraction some kind of consolation lynn consolation everybody wants to be consult
in the midst of this
manifests world of change in
so we come back to the zen don't to go right hand and i left hand and
put them together
the aesthetic side and the worldly side
set up in the midst of that
and surrender

what is my identity
which of the selves that we are is the real self
do you know
do you know was out with absolute assurance what your true nature is
that nothing can move you from that position from that posture
whether you're out in the midst of a traffic jam or in the office or sitting here what is this true self
this is something prior to all these other conditions
what does it arise with the conditions
when the monk asks
what is the hard and fast reality
the teacher gives and the most transit things you can think of flowers blooming on the mountainside brocades
rapidly moving stream the color indigo
here today gone tomorrow here today gone today
we have all these written words about how to control it how to read it conventional reality of words
philosophies endless philosophies do not picked up some or chinese bomb do not pick the flowers
says the sign do not pick the flowers as the sign but reaping gailey among them goes the wind which cannot read
this wind is reaping daily through us it doesn't read our philosophy at all
it's better to study ourselves in the study philosophy
the hope that isn't too philosophical

some people feel the answer in the midst of their kind of slightly slackening attention to the schedule to the
to the precepts
to them do the endless number of
possibilities that have been presented
to kind gonna pull up their socks as it word straighten up and really get even more diligent more pay more attention
but more energy into it
hit me on the back wake me up book book
that's another way we do it
how can i wake up to reality what who's going to tell me what is real

the old is gone form is emptiness
new boot is not yet arrived
and yet you look around and the flowers are blooming the new buddha has arrived the food has never left

i breathe then try to hold my breath
ah the let it go
i listened to the ocean
just sit here in the morning you can hear the tide coming in a rolling out the ebb and flow
you pay enough attention you can feel your heart beating opening and closing diastolic systolic
now i see it
no i don't
now i have you understand what you are now you're a total mystery to me
is this the way to get in harmony with that flow
to think i'm going to answer this question don't we don't hold your breath

while you know and i know that sooner or later we're gonna lose everything that we hold onto
how do we get in harmony how do we attune ourselves to that reality has would all religion is above
some religions say i think
that we have to believe in a greater power than ourselves
but on all religions finally come back probably to the same thing that rather than trying to grasp at anything is to open up to the fact that we are already
call it love call it the buddha dharma and the buddha
for the christ consciousness call it allah
i have a friend who went to mardi shots so long ago
and she met a young muslim man who invited her to come and witness a great spectacle
and she was some apprehension being a single american woman nana
by yourself traveling had a little you know a moment of hesitation but decided to go with him
and he took her to an abandoned building
and he said no watch
and he flung open the doors and this old warehouse as it turned out old dusty warehouse where the sun as he said was pouring through the windows up toward the ceiling in a long streaming who dust was rising in that and as they flung open the doors
this huge flock of pigeons took off in the midst of inside this building all those who hadn't broken rooftop that's how they got a buddy where they took up and as they flew around inside their wings catching the sunlight and so on he said do you hear it
and she said what do you hear that sound as they fly about they're saying allah allah allah
the flowers are blooming like brocade on the hillside
the snow was falling in
thick sheets of white
the ways the buzzer beating the name of allah into their
who would tell me what's real

i've waited all these years to find us the answer this question what is real
even though people have told me that whatever is arising at this moment is the reality is not satisfy
something feels left out
something's not quite right and it has said actually in the buddha dharma that when you begin to study the dharma who will feel as if something is missing
something has not finished but i can't find the finished because i can't find the beginning of it
i'm trying to remember a time i wasn't here
by here i mean there's there's somebody here looking at somebody else there
manifesting as
i and thou you and me
i can't find a time when that wasn't the case
how do i believe objectively speaking that there's gonna be a time when i'm not going to know that
but if there's not an eye that doesn't know it
the same pattern
does that mean then that consciousness is always the cotton the conscious witness her
oh i and thou of this phenomenon called you and me is always this present moment
and there were making this up together
who sets the case how come we don't enjoy it
men is better that we recreate all these different versions about this arising of you and me at this moment this mutual and this mutuality this this relationship this attention to this relationship
not not only do we do that but we
fashion or kinds of philosophy is around it and if you don't believe in my philosophy
the wrong and not only are you wrong brown teach you the right way
put on the rack which one jail lock you up
did you a lesson
if this is love how can it feel so miserable so much of the time
so scary
how can we come here to listen to all of this if we are already complete
your boot has gone the new one is not yet come the old boot is always just left
the new one is just coming i know when i used to go hunting with my dad as a kid we'd go to these places to hunt ducks and is oh you should have been your last week
are we here the weather's changing
in the weather's gonna change and and the or come in
but today not a duck as insight
you know it seems like that
especially when you're trying to fucking to shoot a duck we trying to find buddha when you're trying to find the answer how elusive at all is

so the tears rolled down my friends cheeks oh god gotta saw beginning again how many times have i seen this promise of springtime i can remember my mother saying the same thing in the autumn or so sad i feel so sad
watch is the summer blow away in in the wind
and i think to myself how wonderful it is to cry and feel sad
you're happy if you sad
the calms the storms there a days to what avail of not to prove that i am still alive
i can't remember a single teaching
so it's all going
there is nothing nothing to sustain this
that i can hold onto that i can take comfort in
i can't wrap up and buddhist robes anymore and feel good and then too bad it's just that the own boot is gone
i don't know what's gonna coming next
you know
that's great
i don't want to know anymore what's coming next
i've waited all my life to see what's coming next and as always the same thing
the in a new package

i thought before i came here today i'm gonna say something that's gonna be real
the last talk i might ever give whatever is the last talk i ever give the last thing i ever see that anybody and i'm wearing this robe what is going to be
you know what at first came out when it first said to myself was love your life all of it
what on earth i would have been now thing to say
and i'm supposed to have some profound understanding and as i just love your life
be happy don't worry
don't miss
and i and i remembered this be a literary sort of guy that i am is the love literature there isn't that you know if you've read the brothers karamazov
those who have you read dostoyevsky
there's a wonderful scene in it in which the all priests by the osama is recording his childhood
and his brother he talks about is this brother of his who was very cynical and hard hearted
and a brother finds out he is with they called consumption her tb
and as die has shortened to live and suddenly there's this transformation
he totally transforms his life turns one hundred and eighty degrees room and for the next chapter he's stood telling everybody darling and sweetheart
flowers mice dog everything that intrudes into our life is sweetheart darling i love you how beautiful it is love your life of all of it
just filled with and we've had those moments know
and that changes the
father becomes a priest in know
can learn to love our lives to learn to soften our hearts to learn to open up
i guess the only way we can actually ever learned to finally do that is the just to give up
just as surrender and know that were dying now
and i love every bit of it
all the flowers and all the wind blows them away
and that also means all the things i don't love about it i don't mean because of my ego but i mean
the wind that blows it away the mind of winter

i know i caught them home to your last time i sat here wallace stevens
he said something i don't have a quote this but this was talking about this much more eloquently than i can poets you know who are the ones who can release point to the moon
he says something like one must have a mind of winter
to regard the snow on the bowels of the pine trees and to have been called a long time
to behold the juniper szeged with ice
the trees
rough and the distant glitter the january sun and not and not to think of any misery and the sound of the wind in the sound of a few leaves which is the sound blowing in the same land full of the same wind for the listener who listens in the snow and nothing
himself beholds nothing that is not there and then nothing that is
behold the nothing that is not there
behold nothing nothing that is not there all the form all the emptiness that is for him all these things because the beholds nothing that is not there and then nothing that is
that is say the old buddhist gun the new one is not yet come i cannot get hold of this ultimate thing
one must have a mind of winter
that craving eagle that keeps us in suspense
in perpetual desire endless hunger
let's finally freeze
to had a heart can be openly
receive all that the world has to offer us
tis the consummation devoutly to be wished
i can't do it
i can't do it happens
spontaneously more and more but i can't make it happen
sitting doesn't make it happen studying doesn't make it happen
romantic love didn't make it happen political action did not make it happen making the world better did not make it happen
it cannot happen because it's already the case is just that can't see most of the time

maybe you can

maybe you must
before you die
no one moment and wouldn't we opened totally
i know that things are perfection
just as they are
then i think i understand what it means to save all beings who does all beings are already saved
life is nothing but love
the great heart of things bd
oh cosmos
great beating heart
and then this guy
there's just little dave again
in the wake of bell is ringing and i don't want to get out of bed

so that's it
love your life
you only get one life millions of times
oh so they say
and in this lifetime and in your lifetime you can already count me as a life japan and older you get the more lifetimes you can remember
day by day now i get messages from people that i used to hang out know drugstore cowboys in high school where the old gang of mine death is bringing up the old gang of mine there are ten of is another for

the old buddhist gun the new what does not could come i'm a ghost
please tell me what is real
go to your teacher go to your heart ask yourself what israel
and when you finally come to some answer even if we particularly if it is i don't know embrace that i don't know follow your heart


well dog know great much greater greater teachers however hope to be said vector it used g said i'll leave you with this
he said i'd love to give you something but in the bodhi dharma or in the zen sect there's nothing at all
to give
i think what they're really means is you already got it
thank you