Sunday Lecture

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good morning
be
this is my kids would say an awesome number of people to be speaking to this morning
he taken a lake considering that we spent yesterday in silence

i would like to begin by reading a quotation where you from the american writer will a cather
where there is great love there are always miracles miracles rest not so much upon faces or voices more healing power coming to us from afar off
but on our perceptions being made finer so that for a moment our eyes can see an hour ears can hear what there is about us all ones
a fine expression of
what the buddha's teachings are about that is being awake
being awake to things as they are
what i would like to talk about this morning is the practice of patients
a little over a year ago i was fortunate enough to be present for a teaching that the dalai lama gave on a text which norman referred to several weeks ago when he lectured here to by an eight century
the meditator and teacher scholar named shanti deva
a very beautifully written text on the body sought was way
and the sixth chapter in that text is on the practice of patients
and i've been studying this chapter and some commentaries on the text were recently
partially because i was so moved from reading the text and listening to the dalai lama's teaching on the text when i heard at a year ago and because in the time since then i continued to find it very useful
one of the first thing was that one might note in looking at this text is the suggestion that patients may be practiced as an antidote to anger
something some of us anymore they struggle with
anger or frustration or upset about things being different then we want them to be
are upset with either what is happening which we do not want to happen or what is not happening which we want to happen
part of the practice of patience can begin with some consideration of the
consequences of anger
and in fact shanti deva expresses quite clearly that even after practicing for lifetimes
virtuous activity all of that can be script destroyed in one moment of anger
and don't we all know that kind of emotion which seems to burst forth with some extraordinary energy
obliterating everything
in our way
anger is sometimes described as a poison
and if we're feeling angry
what happens
if we have been used to having a calm mind it's gone
the food that we eat tastes disagreeable be
we find ourselves feeling restless
unable to sleep or sleeping fitfully
whatever it is that we have enjoyed about the day about those that we love and live with suddenly changes in tone and feeling
and seems disagreeable
and when we think of someone who is angry angry or if we've had the occasion to catch a glimpse of ourselves when we're angry we often think in terms of being read in the face
and in fact this emotion is often depicted in in paintings and drawings
as a kind of red faced demon
miserable and ugly
and in fact
how do we all fatal when were around someone who is angry
isn't it the case that usually we want to get away from that energy that expression
and so
if we're feeling angry and miserable what happens over time if this emotion this state of mind continues
is that we become isolated
abandoned
by those around us
and sometimes when we are in this condition where we are consumed with this emotion
we think that the trouble lies outside of ourselves
but perhaps it's more accurate to say that the suffering and difficulty is coming from within
and that is what influences our perception of the world around us
we can see so much more clearly one way observe another person's life circumstance how if someone is angry and mistrustful
they almost create the very difficult days they're unhappy about with the expression the scattering of that energy around around themselves
but when each of us is in the midst of this emotion we forget all of them
so one of the things that shani davis suggests is that we begin
by contemplating the consequences and the causes and conditions of anger
in those moments when we are not so caught up in the midst of it
and if we're willing to observe
the characteristics the specific detail of anger
if we can allow ourselves to look at the advance the circumstances from which this emotion has arisen
there is a way in which we can prepare ourselves to let loose of a to not be so interested in cultivating this poisonous in troublesome emotion quite the opposite we may feel from such a consideration incur
merged to practice some antidote
to find some way of freeing ourselves from anger and frustration
and the suffering that inevitably comes with it
so the first thing we do in the practice of patience is to first consider the disadvantages of anger

the next step in shanti gave his presentation about patience is to ban allow ourselves to consider the advantages of patients
and when i was looking at my notes from his holiness as teachings last winter in india on this text i remembered
feeling very moved by listening to him talk about how grateful he was to the chinese who had in like invaded tibet because they had become his teachers
and the cultivation of patients that that was pretty yeah pretty and pacing
especially in the midst of all of these tibetan people who would tell pretty extraordinary stuart story is about the suffering that they had experienced under the chinese regime in tibet
one of the things that the dalai lama commented on was how difficult how troublesome it is when a teacher has many many students and things are going very well and how under those circumstances under those circumstances the teacher sits back and
thinks that everything is wonderful and
in which for that teacher
he or she can be in very big trouble
and that in some ways that was something of the situation that he was in into back
or at least the situation he was headed towards
and he commented on
what a difference had occurred in his life because he and many of the tibetan people had had to flee from tibet in nineteen fifty nine
and had gone to india to find a way to start their lives again
and how out of that difficulty he had learned to cultivate patience and that he had learned something about how to be a better practitioner on the way
and how convinced he was of the importance of following the buddha's teaching under these new circumstances
and to express in a very heartfelt way his gratitude to the chinese for putting him in this circumstance where he could not so easily lose his way
and
to be grateful for seeing how clearly cultivating patience and kindness and equanimity how important that was to him
how what he wanted most in the world was loving kindness and respect
and harmony
and that he would commit himself to the enactment of that in the world for himself in his people in fact on beings
a few days ago i had another experience of
the advantage of patients
my stepfather died last
may
and i found i'm an only child and my mother who is in her early eighties
i refuse to move from the little town where she lives to be closer by so that i could take care of her
and in fact i had to
take
some realistic appraisal of her situation and my relationship to her
because she is at some long distance and the consequences of how she lives are quite a difficult she is an alcoholic and very stubborn
and pretty self destructive
one of the things that immediately concerned me was the fact that she would be drinking and driving
and we had some pretty tense difficult sessions in those first weeks after my stepfather died about her driving
and i went through all kinds of trials and tribulations of that
figuring out how to get her license away from her stealing the car keys one thing and another
after a few weeks it became abundantly clear to me that i was not going to be successful in getting my mother to let me take care of her or in getting my mother to live her life the way i thought she ought to that she was thoroughly and completely yeah
dedicated to living her life the way she was going to live her life
and i had some sleepless nights about what would happen in particular for other people if she were to get out in her big american car and drive into some
and in spite of myself i was a little bit patient initially mostly because i didn't know what else to do
so i was patient perhaps by default
but what i discovered was that in fact because she was actually quite upset
she wasn't driving around in her car she was letting her neighbor do errands for her
and at some point fairly early in the summer i just gave up trying to get her to do anything and literally before my eyes i saw her relax when she realized i wasn't going to try to make her do anything
and i was able to say to her quite clearly what my fears and concerns were but to also express that i understood that i could not make her do anything at all
but that i hoped she would take care of herself that she would not hurt herself or someone else
so in the months since then she has actually driven very little
and then one day about a week after her birthday in november after her license had expired she in fact went to the dmv and it was a busy day and they gave her an extension
until the end of january without asking this nervous old woman to take a driver's test of any sort it just gave her an extension
and i can't believe it
on thursday when i spoke with my mother she said you'll be happy to know that i've decided not to renew my driver's license
it doesn't seem realistic and it's not worth the anxiety of going to pass the test every year
and i i exhale
and told her how glad i was that she had come to this decision
and after i hang up the phone i thought isn't it interesting
all of that flapping my wings that i had gone through
all of my fussing and fuming
and in fact
being kindly being direct about my concerns but also accepting my limitations in the situation
and in fact being patient
kindly realistically patient and do
the situation had worked itself out
and more and more these days i notice as i have picked up this cultivation of practice of patients what i've noticed is
that there is much less to do each day than i have thought most of my life
that in fact if i'm quiet and calm
and stay in touch with my interest in loving kindness concentration
equanimity
that there is less and less that i need to or can fix in the world
that each of us when we have some spaciousness within ourselves in from each other can in fact pick up what it is what he can and need to do
and that the practice of patients allows that spacious and seven
shani davis says in a tenth verse in chapter six why be unhappy about something if it can be remedied
and what is the use of being unhappy about something if it cannot be remedied
never been pretty clear that with them and so complicated
in other words to look at the situation that i'm in and if there is something that i can do something that i can take care of i may do that but that may depend exquisitely on my ability
the to be reasonable to have some common sense should be willing to see things as they are rather than seeing things as i want them to be
but that also will depend upon my understanding those things that are beyond my doing
there are some small practices that we can do to cultivate this state of mind this patience
and this ability to see things as they are
for some of you who have heard me talk here before you know how much i loved the practice of the half smile
but i do find it a deeply penetrating and useful practice
the in particular in working with an emotion like anger
this practice of lifting the corners of the now
for the space of three full breaths
and if i'd done that practice often enough and in some ordinary daily circumstance it in fact does occur to me when i'm feeling frustrated or angry oh
now's the time when i could do the half smile
and when that thought occurs and i in fact do they half smile in the midst of anger
i actually have some room to step back from whatever it is that's going on and what i notice is that i see a little more clearly what's actually going on
i'm a little more likely to remember my intention not to act from such an emotion
i'm a little less likely to act on or maybe even have thoughts of retaliation i'm gonna get even
or that kind of blindness and losing one's way that comes with intense anger and rage
there's also a practice of taking on the point of view of the other person
saying to myself can i imagine what may be going on for this person in this situation
can i imagine what the circumstances what the causes and conditions may be that have left lead this person to be expressing themselves in this situation as they are
some years ago a friend of mine who's a therapist told me about what she calls the ninety eight per cent room which is kind of a version of
this practice of taking on another's point of view
the ninety eight percent rule goes something like ninety eight percent of what any of us says no matter what we're talking about is really a statement about ourselves
and what i've noticed
and my experience with other people is that if i listened to what someone else is saying even if they're speaking about me or something i've done as they're telling me something about what's going on with them
what is a concern to them or what it upsetting to them what is their issue there's a way in which i can step sympathetically into the other person's shoes and so all of my need to be reactive or defensive
or angry
slips away
and my ability to be patient and to cultivate sympathy with myself and with another person seems to increase
you might try it on and see if you find that way of listening to yourself and others useful
do
it's a device for cultivating one's ability to listen
and to let settle or be quiet the impulse to act first and consider in look around at the signal
oh
we can also cultivate patience with small things
we can cultivate patience with
having a fly settle on my cheek when i'm sitting quietly somewhere and not so quickly moved my hand to brush it away
if i have an itch somewhere on my face or back or arms
i can cultivate patience in some small way by
sitting quietly with that sensation
i can practice patience with heat or cold
or the when where the rain
and in fact if i practice patience with the small things what will happen is that my capacity for being patient patient with the bigger sufferings
what stephen the line calls the five hundred pound weights will in fact develop
rather than thinking oh well i will wait until some big trouble comes and then i will try to be patient
i don't know about this and business we can simply begin right now sitting here together in this room
if we have some small physical discomfort can we sit with the discomfort for a little while rather than so quickly to adjust ourselves to be more uneasy
and in fact isn't that one of the things that happens when we are sitting cross legged practice exam
and our legs began to her
we learn something about patience and equanimity and calmness in sitting quietly with those relatively small panes
so that when some big suffering some sickness
or when it comes are dying
we're ready we have actually cultivated
the calmness of mind that comes with patiently enduring the suffering we cannot do anything about
in other words we can make what is uncomfortable or the source of displeasure
that area of our lives and has to do with things happening we do not want to happen
instead of pushing them away or trying to change what we cannot change
we can actually make them a little familiar
and if you think about it for a few minutes you may realize that for most of us we are able to be with what is familiar much more easily than being with what is unfamiliar
friday night and yesterday it was rather cold and as we were sitting together during that time for some of us we were quite cold
and often what happens when people feel cold is a kind of fear will i ever be able to get warming
and of course ironically that fear brings with it a kind of intensification of the sensation of coal
what happens when we explore the detail of the sensation sitting in this room when it's cold
what happens in this room when the stove is lit and it's very cold and we hear the crackling of the fire
and i would guess that the stove heats the room very little if at all
but we feel better because we hear the crackling of the fire
our mind has some idea that oh the fire is burning so we're warmer
could we also allow ourselves to sit in the cold room
and allow the sensation as it is rather than the sensations we are afraid we're going to feel or we might feel
and let the call become a little bit familiar before we put on on our blanket and coat and hat
and many layers of warm underwear etc
if this quality of peacefulness comes from that with them then i am more likely to have a calm mind
a mind which will not be disturbed by whatever happens
which is not to say that i will not feel compassion with the sufferings of the world including my own
but that i will be able to cultivate equanimity
and from this condition all beings will be my friend
think how wonderful it is to be around someone who is joyful and happy and how much we want to be with such a person
and think about how we feel about being with someone who is angry
we may stay with such a person because we love them
but after a while we will probably want to go away
with the mind dwelling and patience it remains calm
an untroubled
and we are able to smile
where there is great love there are always miracles
miracles rest not so much upon faces more voices or healing power coming to us from afar off
but on our perceptions being made finer so that for a moment our eyes can see and our ears can hear what there is about us always

before we do the closing chance and want to recognize
source of confusion
we seem to have two copies of the chance which we do on sunday morning that were out on the table
some of them are the old version of the for vows and some are the new version of the for vows and we happily distributed in both versions
some demonic be instinct anyway
what i would like to do is to recite the newer version which we are practicing these days and asked that this be the version we chant together to conclude our lecture
beings are numberless i vow to awaken with them
the illusions are inexhaustible i vow to cut through
dharma gates are boundless i vow to answer them
good is way is unsurpassable i vowed to be covered
so if you don't have that version maybe you can listen
listen here
thank you very much