Good morning and welcome to the Green Gulch Farm Sunday Dharma Talk offered today by Sonia Gardensworth. This program has closed captioning. To enable, click on the small CC icon at the bottom of your Zoom screen. Click Enable Captions. Using the same menu, you can adjust the size of the captions. To move the closed captions, use your mouse to drag and drop to another location. Thank you. An unsurpassed, penetrating, and perfect dharma is rarely met with, even in a hundred thousand million kalpas, having it to see and listen to, to remember and accept.

[16:53]

I vow to taste the truth of the Tathagata's words. An unsurpassed, penetrating and perfect Dharma is rarely met with, even in a hundred thousand million Kalpas. Having it to see and listen to, to remember and accept, I vow to taste the truth of the Tathagata's words. An unsurpassed, penetrating, and perfect Dharma is rarely met with, even in a hundred thousand million Kalpas. Having it to see and listen to To remember and accept I vow to taste the truth of the Tathagata's words Good morning

[18:16]

Chanting this three times allowed me to drop in and taste the words. Today I have some very simple messages. Stillness in the midst of our imagination. Stillness receiving space. in the midst of our imagination. Zazen, just sitting as the keystone to our practice. Stillness, receiving not moving in the midst of our imaginations. The power of repetition. Zazen, Keystone, sitting still in the midst of our myriad imaginations.

[19:29]

Our negative repetitions flatten us. The negative thoughts flatten us. And our positive thoughts can flatten the experience. What is it that you're repeating? Return. to stillness in the midst of our imagination. And the fourth thing is the danger of a single story. The danger of a single story. If we sit still and cultivate this vastness, this spaciousness in the midst of our imagination, the imagination our stories offer us, We have the possibility of experiencing some nuance, some opening to a vast universe of the person or the experience that we don't know.

[20:37]

A negative story flattens us, flattens the person, flattens the situation. And a positive story can kind of limit. You can get stuck. in that not fleshed out story. Returning to stillness in the midst of our imagination, the power of repetition, our zazen practice is a keystone element of our practice and the danger of stopping without the space between the words of a single story. One of our ancestors, Di Tsang, crossed the path of one of his students. And Di Tsang asked, where are you going? And Fa Yan said, I'm going on pilgrimage.

[21:41]

And Di Tsang asked him, what is the purpose of your pilgrimage? And Fa Yan said, I don't know. And Di Tsang said, not knowing is most intimate. Returning to the stillness and spaciousness in the midst of our imagination. Now I might ask myself or ask you, where are you? Where are we going? And you might suggest something like, I'm on the path of my life unfolding. What's the purpose of this path unfolding? And you might say, I don't know. And I would say, ah, this is most intimate. This is closest to us. Actually, we don't really know.

[22:46]

So our life... Our day by day, our moment by moment has been suggested by my teacher, Tenshin Roshi, is a conversation. Our practice is a conversation. A conversation is between one, two, three, four, many, or with myself. I'm in conversation with myself. And if I sit still and I create some space in the midst of my imagination, I can witness. What it is, it's coming up. And I have the possibility of allowing myself to not get caught in a single story, noting stillness in the midst of our imagination. You might notice that I have the power of repetition going here. And it turns out that...

[23:48]

we're being, maybe the word is bombarded by about 11 billion bits of information per second. And what we actually register is between 40 and 60 bits out of this 11 billion. Not very much. So to say I don't know would be joining with the truth. The future is what we don't know. And it is possibility. It's possibility for the better. It's wishful thinking about the future. And the wishful thinking is impermanent. Well, everything is impermanent. So I have the opportunity to start this conversation. And I hope on the other side of this, you'll join me in the conversation. So for myself, I'm using this.

[24:54]

I have used this over the years, this cultivation of stillness, spaciousness, and not moving in the midst of my imagination. We could change that word imagination to in the midst of my story. The stories are numberless. We get about 11 billion of them, and I only register very few of them. Which ones will I attach to? So a question that comes up is, what do we have to offer? And how should we live in these times? How should we respond to our environment and to what's happening in the world? Can I pause in the midst of the various stories that are coming to my mind? So I have to perhaps admit that the first thing is, honestly, I don't know. Now, I've said that several times today, this morning, and it's true.

[25:55]

I don't know. What we might have are some guidelines, and I have mine. Maybe you can register what your intentions are, what our beliefs are, and what's helpful and what's not. But do any of us see a clear path? a clear path from this mess that we've created and a peaceful, sustainable world. And we don't really. Blanche Hartman used to quote that what a monk has to offer, what a bodhisattva has to offer, what a practitioner of the way has to offer, what any of us in these screens have to offer. is fearlessness. In Zazen, our keystone practice, we create some space, some stillness in the midst of our imaginations.

[27:01]

The word machinations just came to my mind. We are an imagination-making machine. Let's see. So I want to go to this definition. Before I want to go to this definition of the keystone practice, I want to flesh this out just a little bit more. I've been thinking about Suzuki Roshi. And it turns out, according to David Chadwick, he had nearly 300, not quite, but nearly 300 most important things. And one of his most important things was to realize that our lives are like a movie. And the most important thing is to realize the blank screen, stillness in the midst of our imaginations, the blank screen in the midst of the movie.

[28:07]

It allows us to create a true and honest and resourceful response to the moment. not necessarily something that we repeat over and over again. So I have been, over some time, I've been really taken with the looking at and registering trees. We had a tree cutter that used to work with us. He's not with us anymore on this planet. And his name was Ruck Rucker. Some of you might know him. And before I went to Tassajara, he said, please have a conversation with the trees. Make friends with the trees. And I've been really watching the trees here around Green Gulch. The trees might be an example for us of a kind of stillness that's storing up quiet.

[29:13]

Their roots go down. They communicate with each other. Their trunk is their presence. And their branches reach out into the sky. And they offer an abode for so many species. The redwoods are around forever. They're an abode to many species. The trees store up water. These trees gather carbon dioxide. All of this in stillness. I like to imagine myself as a walking tree. And maybe, just maybe my roots, thinking of zazen, maybe my roots can be the precepts. Reaching down, gathering resource, coming up so they can inhabit and manifest through this body and that when the branches or the fingers or the doings of the many things I do all day long are a reflection in the midst of this stillness of the precepts of knowing how to respond in a resilient way.

[30:39]

So I'm going to read this definition of a keystone species so that we together might see how I'm thinking about it in terms of Zazen. So keystone species are those which have an extremely high impact on a particular ecosystem relative to the population. So we could see ourselves as the ecosystem. and our stillness in the midst of imagination as the keystone relative to the greater population. A keystone species are also critical for the overall structure and function of an ecosystem. Our ability to be still and spacious and register vastness might be critical to an overall structure and function of the ecosystem.

[31:44]

And they influence, keystone species influence, many other types of plants and animals that make up that ecosystem. In the absence of a keystone species, many ecosystems would fail to exist. Zazen is our keystone practice. Resting in the space between this and that, this and that, good and bad, non-attachment to this and that, stillness, spaciousness, receiving the pause, inquiry, questioning, whatever arises in the midst of this stillness, is that so? Or how about, and what else?

[32:48]

A story arises and we can ask, and what else? If we stay in our own conversation without connecting with others, we're basically in our black box that created our trials and struggles. So we Maybe this morning we're reaching out a little bit to hear some other way of forming our thoughts and our imagination. And then maybe you have something to say to me or to the other people on the screen so that we can expand our story and how we're relating to the world. Our life, this conversation, our life is a conversation which appears and disappears. It's in the stillness of our imagination. Our thoughts and emotions, they arise and cease if we don't attach to them. They arise out of this pause and this space and they go back into the silence.

[33:53]

Out of the stillness in the midst of our imagination. What is the purpose of this path that we're traveling? We don't really know. Is it helpful? Is it beneficial? What would be a really, I don't know about really, fresh, a fresh response, a creative response to what is arising in front of me? Stillness in the midst of imagination, Zazen is our keystone practice that supports this very ecosystem that offers a gift to a world that's lost. The power of repetition. We return again to stopping, witnessing, stopping, just this breath, witnessing.

[34:58]

What is Zazen? Just this breath. What's the most important thing? Know your own mind. What's the most important thing? Stillness in the midst of imagination. And how does the stillness matter? You can see your own mind. Stillness in the midst of imagination. Did you watch yourself fill in? What did you say? As soon as there's a pause, something will arise. So let me check in with myself. Yeah, the silence, taking some refuge in this silence and the pause.

[36:05]

Where are we now? What is requested of me now? Our great ancestor Bodhidharma suggested that he was not searching for Buddha, that he was investigating the mind. How would we do that in the stillness, in the midst of our imagination? We should investigate this mind. There's no wisdom and nothing outside this mind. which comes through our five skandhas. Conversation is sharing with ourselves and sharing with others. This silence and this pause belongs to all of us. This moment of spaciousness can be shared by all of us. Paying offering, giving homage to, attentiveness to, having faith and trust in spaciousness, having trust and faith in this journey that we're on.

[37:24]

So I have, I'm going to close with a prayer. I'm going to call it a prayer that came across my screen. And I'm sorry, I don't really have the person I could attribute this to. And what he offered, what he made a reference to was a person who some of you might know, Peace Pilgrim, who went on pilgrimage, as long as we're talking about pilgrimage. for some like 28 years or so, just walking around. And her particular mantra was, and I'm making this part of our circle of returning to stillness and living our life through the keystone practice of Zazen, live in the present,

[38:32]

Do the things that need to be done. Do all the good you can do each day, and the future will unfold. Live in the present. Do the things that need to be done. Do all the good you can do each day, and the future will unfold. And on top of that, he received... What would I say? He received a configuration that Brother David Stendhal Rast put together from the Talmud. And this person, who I apologize to you in the universe for not being able to bring your name into this conversation, put Peace Pilgrim and this piece from the Talmud together. Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief.

[39:40]

Do not be daunted by the world of your grief, your fear, your confusion. Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief, by your fear, by your confusion, by not knowing. Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief. Live in the present. Do justly now. Love mercy now. Walk humbly now. Do the things that need to be done. Pause. Just do the things that need to be done. You are not obliged to complete the work. You are not obliged. To continue where you are obliged. You're not obliged to complete the work on the path of your life's unfolding.

[40:43]

But neither are you free to abandon it. The power of repetition. Neither are you free to abandon it. Just do the next right thing. The future will unfold. Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief. Live in the present. Do justly now. Love mercy now. Walk humbly now. Do the things that need to be done. Say the things that need to be said. Be present for what needs to be presenced. Do all the good that you can do each day. You're not obliged to to complete the work. But neither are you, neither are we, neither are we free to abandon it.

[41:44]

Just do the next right thing. The future will unfold. In this conversation with others, with ourselves, with this practice of being able to drop into, We have faith in the spaciousness and stopping. May we prepare ourselves. May this be a preparation to be a blessing for the world and all of our turmoil. To increase our capacity to sit with and hold with all the tensions that are inside of us and all around us. So that each one of us and each one we can encounter can go forward with a blessing. Stillness in the midst of our imaginations.

[42:48]

Stillness in the midst of our stories. Stopping. Zazen. A keystone to the ecosystem of our practice. The power of returning of repetition. the danger of getting caught in a single story, the story that can flatten us, the story that can take away the vastness of our experience. There's power in our imagination. Use it carefully. Thank you very much. And may some of you continue the conversation at the end of this break. May our intention equally extend to every being and place.

[44:00]

With the true merit of Buddha's way Beings are numberless I vow to save them Delusions are inexhaustible Imaginations are inexhaustible Stories are inexhaustible I vow to see through them. Dharma gates are boundless. I vow to enter them. Buddha's way is unsurpassable. I vow to become it. Thank you very much. to thank everyone for joining us today.

[45:05]

If you feel supported by the Dharma offerings of our temples, please consider supporting San Francisco Zen Center with a donation at this time. Any size is greatly appreciated, and a link will show in the chat window with different ways to donate. We will also take a five-minute break before returning for Q&A. If anybody needs to sign off now and would like to say goodbye, feel free to unmute yourself. Thanks, Sonia. Thank you, Sonia. Thank you very much. Thank you, Sonia. Thank you. Beautiful talk. Thank you for the Dharma. Thank you.

[46:08]

We will return at about 10.50 for Q&A. Welcome back, everyone.

[51:14]

We'll begin Q&A. To offer comments or questions, please click on the reactions icon at the bottom of your Zoom window. In that panel, there is a raise hand button. If you are on an older version of Zoom, this feature is in the participants panel menu. You may also offer questions or comments through the chat window. And near the end, I will also look for anyone raising their actual hand in their video feeds. Would someone be willing to join the conversation? There's one comment in the chat from Joanne. She mentioned that Peace Pilgrim, I think, was it written by Mildred Lisette Norman? Yes. She was actually born on today's date in 1908. Oh, yay. Thank you, Joanne. Well, good luck. That's wonderful.

[52:16]

OK, look at that, Hoko. Do I unmute Hoko or how does that go? I got it. Sonia, thank you for your talk. I like the repetition, the cantor and the composure work. were compelling and I appreciated the style of the talk today. So thank you so much. My question is, did you say something about don't attach to a single story? I did. You say something like that. When you say attach, I have this idea that that could mean like, not conceptualizing something at all versus like maybe attached could also mean like i'm going to think something and believe it and think about it for the next 10 minutes so it seems like the first example is kind of like a minute like a really subtle way of attaching to something versus

[53:39]

maybe a longer version of that. So I kind of wonder what attached when you use that word might include, if it might include both of those. And then I kind of have a follow question. Yeah. Well, I'll say what it is for me. And maybe what... a practice around it is, because it doesn't mean that the story doesn't have some merit, of course. It's just that it's not the whole story. And I think you and I maybe have talked about, oh, God, what's the physicist? It's not coming to me right now. I'm old. My mind has holes in it. Neil deGrasse Tyson. Where he says, you know, what we know about the universe, most of the universe is a black hole. It's dark, and we know about maybe 2%, maybe 3%.

[54:46]

Even if I exaggerate it to 5%, and I don't think he suggests that, it's not very much. So we do have a story, and it comes up in the midst of our conditioning and what we have already known. So I think I wouldn't say let go. Like, don't acknowledge the story, but to ask myself, and what else? Or is there more? Or, you know, what's the backstory that led to this whatever? And it could be my conditioning. It could be a reaction to somebody else's conditioning. Somehow just allowing it to open up. And... As you or some of you know, I came a little bit kicking and screaming to the Byron Katie story, but her fourth question is, and who would I be without that thought?

[55:51]

So it's like the story has some merit, and what else? So that's kind of what I mean by not attaching. How does that work for you? Thank you. No, it's great. It's going to factor into my follow-up here, which is... You said, and what else is kind of maybe a version of that for you. So maybe you might say to yourself or say at a talk, don't attach to a single story. And then... kind of over here thinking like, well, and what else? You know, it's like, on one hand, it seems like that's a pretty, could be like a helpful admonition or direction to go in, like not to attach to a single story. And then it could be like, right before you totally don't attach to a single story, you kind of have this help or this crutch.

[57:03]

which is this mantra of don't attach to a single story. But then I think, yeah. And what else is kind of pushing you off the edge to really maybe let go of any stories or even the helpful bits and pieces or directions like don't attach to a single story or what else. But also it seems like sometimes maybe those things are really helpful or useful. The stories? Yeah, the stories. So I guess I wonder in your experience, have you had times like this where you kind of kick away the stories? You're like, okay, I don't need the helpful line right now or idea. Or maybe sometimes you're like, oh, I really do need to remember that. stillness in a conceptual kind of way or as in my consciousness.

[58:10]

So I wonder if that happens for you sometimes or if you juggle with like, I'm going to use the story to help me to let go or I'm just going to let go. Well, yeah, the story is there to help you let go because if you don't have anything, I mean, there's nothing to let go of. So it is a pivot. I think it's just, I feel like, so this might be a problematic way to say it, but I feel like there's kind of an arrogance if we think that we know, you know, like this is it without kind of at least opening it a little bit. And it, And I think we can still make the next step, given the narrative that we have. We will make the next step, but we even know that the next step is not the end. And the next, you know, we're always arriving, arriving.

[59:15]

And each moment gives us new information. So, and as I was listening to you, I was thinking, well, don't attach to non-attachment. You know, either. I think that's what you might have been saying. Yeah. So don't attach to non-attachment. But I just realized that I'm walking the path with only a piece of the information. I mean, it's not like one day I'm going to get the whole story and then I can serve the pie. Or maybe I can serve the pie. But in any case, it's not like we arrive and then there we are and there's nothing else. because then the next thing's going to happen. But still, we make our best guess in a moment about what to do or what to say. And I guess what I do, you know, all of us here on this screen have a storehouse of information and knowledge.

[60:28]

I mean... The wisdom here from our experience of what's worked and what hasn't worked is just in there arising and vanishing. And if I just stop quietly and watch and listen and witness my mind, somehow I might have a response that's helpful. And if it's not, then I get some feedback and I change course. I don't know if this is meeting what you're asking, but... Yeah. I'd like to acknowledge that this thing about not attaching to a single story, I watched, for any of you that watched TED Talks, there was a wonderful talk by a woman author, Chimamanda Adichie, and it's the danger of a single story. And she brought up, well, I don't know if it's useful to go into it.

[61:39]

But anyway, basically, it was how we get caught in a narrative. And that's what we see this happening on the political scene, right? You're magnetized if you get vaccinated. That's one of the stories that's out there. We really did win. And that's the ticker tape that's going. So some people are caught in a story and they're not taking in new information. So there's a danger in just limiting your view. I guess that's what I'm pointing to, is to open, stay open, stay open, stay open to what you don't know. Thanks, Anya. Thank you. You're next. offering. Hi, Yuki. I saw your beautiful smile out there. Good morning, Sonia.

[62:41]

Can you hear me? I can hear you. So that was a thank you for that lovely talk. I was thinking as you were as you were talking about silence and imagination and the limits of imagination. The word that kept coming up for me was humility. Yeah. And then I kind of see that humility creates this feedback loop with my mind where it says, okay, you can be quiet now. It's okay to be quiet. Yeah. You don't have to figure everything out. You can't. Anyway, it just seemed like a way to loop back into the silence. Yeah, you know, what I noticed, and some of you who are living outside of a Zen center, what I noticed when I visit my family is that people do not, they are not really that familiar with quiet.

[63:49]

If you're sitting in a room and people aren't talking to each other, like a certain kind of nervousness starts to happen. And so then we just feel, the room and the space with some words without really feeling, you know. So I think giving myself permission to just be quiet and to check in has some power in it. And, you know, this teaching about when I'm speaking, think about it right now. Is it true? Yeah. what I'm about to say or what I'm thinking. Is it helpful? Is it beneficial? Is this the right time to engage? Anyway, just kind of going through that little filter has sometimes been very, very helpful and just willing to rest until somebody asks you something.

[64:56]

I think I often have felt, you know, some anxiety that I should produce some kind of answer or some kind of solution. Yeah. Situation, and I really don't have it. You know, I just have some ideas about it. Yeah. Yeah. I have found if it's appropriate, and maybe some other people could say what's so for them, just to, if you're quiet enough, with yourself, and then with somebody, and I say, you know, I'm feeling a little nervous, maybe that would be a better word, or a little anxious, like, I think I'm supposed to do something, but I don't know what. I mean, if you just say that out loud, then they'll say, no, you're doing great, or, yeah, could you bring me some water? Anyway, it's, yeah, the patient waiting.

[65:58]

Yeah, the patient acceptance of things, of the dharmas that fail to be produced. Thank you. Yeah. Some years back, it kind of goes along with this. When I was living at Tassajara, I heard this teaching or this suggestion, and I just kept working with it. For a long time, definitely a whole practice period, but for a long time. And the person suggested that an enlightenment view is every moment arriving. This is the other side of silence. Every moment arriving. As I'm walking down the path, I'm going arriving. Arriving. Look around this screen, every moment arriving. And if every moment you're just arriving, you kind of let go of what was before.

[67:06]

And you're not jettisoning off into the future, just arriving. And I found it very peaceful and kind of had some power and some stability. And I was like in my feet. I just kept repeating arriving. Arriving. Now I see you. Now I see Annette. Arriving. Ted. Arriving. Tim's dog. So the view keeps changing. And giving me and offering me something. Anyway, it's a simple word. And I like it. Thank you for reminding me. You helped me bring it back to mind. The power of conversation. Thank you. Is it Cyprian?

[68:11]

With the earphones, headphones? Hey, Sonia. Hi. Thank you so much for that talk. Okay. I can hardly hear you. Is that my fault? Should I turn up? Is this better? That is better. Is this better? Okay. I turn my mic up. I can listen carefully. Okay. I can speak a little louder, too. We're doing it together. Again. Again. Continually. So, thank you for the talk. the structure of repetition was like music like a theme that was repeated and repeated in different ways and going in more deeply as a result so thank you for that I was thinking about the importance of faith in this undertaking and especially as the end of the

[69:23]

poem the piece from the talmud suggests that um we can't know until we take the next step how the story will unfold and yet there's a desire to know the ending and have it all wrapped up neatly so that i can say this was my purpose this is why i came this is what i did everything checks out You know, pass, go, collect $200, achieve nirvana, whatever. Be allowed into the pearly gaze. Yeah, like that. And so to accept that we can't know and that that story that we imagine may be interrupted at any moment unexpectedly, there's a kind of a bittersweet feeling in that for me. Yeah. Because there's a part in which I deeply want to know and to be sure that I'm taking the right step, whatever that is, because I don't know.

[70:25]

And so to accept that requires some faith in a larger, being held in a larger sense, being contained in a larger knowing than mine. Is there a little more? Well, there's always a little more, but that's a good place to stop. It was my response to what you offered. Yeah. Oh, I appreciate that. That's all. Yeah, I appreciate that. Yeah. I mean, I appreciate the response. And just recently I was having a conversation with Tenshin Roshi, Reb, and he was saying that the difficulty with doing Zoom talks is you can't really feel the people.

[71:38]

You can't really feel what's happening. Yeah. or if there's a, you know, everybody's just left the room or anyway. So I appreciate the, you know, the response and the feedback. What's coming to my mind actually is that as I feel out the word faith, that sounds to me like it's a head. It's a thinking thing. It's a head thing. I mean, I know it can permeate or maybe um yeah i think it's it it sounds cognitive to me and um although i've i've had this conversation a number of times with rev about intention or um uh you know the book living by vow i feel that if we are clear about an intention about how

[72:41]

we want to relate and how we want to respond in a given moment, no matter what's happening, then whatever arises will be it. And then we can be the how as a banker, we can be the how as a cook, we can be the how as a farmer, we can be the how as an artist. And what I'm recalling right now is a time when I was having so much stress with everything that was happening here at Green Gulch and Zen Center. Lots of judgments and opinions. And at one point, I was the Doan. And there was something in terms of the how that it just dropped away. And I thought, the only thing left to do is to be kind. So can I be kind with myself?

[73:43]

Can I be kind with others? Compassion feels a little bit to me like a college-level word. I like to break it down a little bit. I think kindness is something that a kindergartner might understand. And if we have some access to that, way of using our body speech and mind then in the end you may be accomplished or at least well seasoned yeah so how does that register for you um well i i would say that for me faith is about open-heartedness it's not a it's not a cognitive it's not thinking okay It's opening my heart to the larger world and just allowing it to permeate me and allowing myself to be the leaf floating on the stream of time to be guided to.

[74:56]

So that's all. Yeah. I think this is a perfect example of, and what else? And the way we can misunderstand whatever because i could use exactly what you said and kind of turn that to my language of intention sure and yet here we are kind of making this offering as our blessing you know as our gift yeah and the way we language it so that's wonderful thank you thanks again for your talk yeah there's a one response question from annette and it's just requesting the names of the people you mentioned as the authors of the text you referred to? Well, Peace Pilgrim was one, if that's what you're talking about. And the other one came from the Talmud. I'd have to get up and get my paper. It came from the Talmud.

[75:57]

But Brother David Stendelrast has... website, I guess. Is it Grateful Living? Somebody could nod if they know that. I think that's what it is. And he did his version of that piece from the Talmud. If you would like the longer one, I could well, anyway, I could send it. I could send it to Green Gulch office and then you could get it from Kogetsu. Thank you. And we have one question from the chat from Candy. She asked, could a story be understood as belief? And could beliefs then be understood as delusions or delusion? Could a story be a belief? Well, if we believe in it, it is.

[77:03]

And could that be a delusion, an illusion? I think the answer is yes. And the way I'm using, the way I'm relating at the moment to delusion or illusion or life is a dream is returning to the notion that basically what we know is is maybe two or three, five. Even if I stretch it into that you know 10% of what's going on, it's still not very much. So in that sense, I would say, yes, it's a delusion or an illusion, and it's a story that is still unfolding and has something yet to communicate to us, teach us, tell us, reveal to us, depends what words you'd like to use, the story doesn't stop.

[78:10]

And according to some people, the story doesn't even stop when we die. Actually, I think the story doesn't stop when we die because then we go back into the earth or to the atmosphere and people may remember what you said or what you did. And so your story goes on. So the stories just continue and keep unfolding. So hello, Candy, and thank you, Candy, wherever you are. Thank you, Sonia. How are some other stories going? Maybe I have a question, which some might have an offering, is how do you, if you have something very powerful that's coming up for you, how do you, because this may be information, a different way of languaging it for other people, how do you give yourself some space around something powerful and a story?

[79:33]

Hi, June. Nice to see you. Okay. Can you hear me? I can. Okay. Well, hello, Anne. Hello. Yeah. I want to thank you for that talk. It called me Danone, which I can use a lot. And I kind of have been obsessing wrapped around the axle with a particular story, question, whatever. And I kept waiting to see, you know, what would be revealed. Maybe I don't need to talk about it. Well, I think I do. And there's a person that I need to talk to about it. And I know who that is and what I need to do. But until I do it, I think I'm going to be thinking about it.

[80:41]

So it's just interfered. And it was interfering this morning. And then through the talk, it was able to set aside somewhat. But when Yuki said about humility, Now, maybe it's just another story I'm getting wrapped up in. But somehow it occurred to me, if I'm wrapped around that other story, I can't fully hear what's being said. And so I find myself left with... what is it that Yuki really said, and particularly about humility? Because I didn't quite understand that.

[81:46]

So that's it. Let Yuki say. Yeah. That's great. I love that we've expanded the conversation. Thank you, June. Yeah, you're welcome. Thank you. Yuki. Yeah, thank you. That comment came out of Sonia's talk and also came out of a conversation I had recently with Reb about that story about karmic consciousness, that all we have is karmic consciousness, boundless and unclear with no fundamental to rely on. I don't know if you remember that. June but he tells it quite often and and I said to him that when I first heard that story I thought it was really pessimistic and it was really bad news you know but now I'm starting to see it kind of as good news because it means I can relax you know if what I have to work with is limited and I know it and accept it

[82:59]

humbly then I'm not so likely to try to fix things which is a has been a problem for me yeah um and it's kind of it's kind of a way of saying to my mind you can stand down now you know so that's kind of where that was coming from and I'd be interested Sonia if you could add to that and June I don't I don't know if that was clear but that was kind of background and this talk about silence and stories this morning really triggered it. Well, yes. In fact, when you were just saying you could kind of let go, then the word humility and humbleness, like, oh, it's, you know, out of my hands of bigger something's going on.

[84:01]

And that helped. And the thing about karmic consciousness and often talking about intention, remember a whole Mount Madonna weekend on karma, and when he said, and I don't know even if I have it right, about It's intention that creates the karma. And, you know, in a way, that was relieving to me. So, okay, if I get my intention clear, and then just the next right step, you know, is that good enough? I struggle. And I'm starting to think maybe that's all I've got.

[85:06]

Well, yeah. I think the word good enough in there is a little like, what? Yeah. Maybe, you know that book, Addiction to Perfection? What? Addiction to Perfection by Marian Wood. Oh, yes. That's what the good enough brings to my mind. Okay, that's helpful. Yeah. So whereas that's Suzuki Roshi saying we're just as perfect, you're perfect just as you are, and you could use a little improvement, right? So we're perfect because all of our conditioning and everything that's come to be at this moment is just what's coming together. We know what we know. We don't know what we don't know. And yet we can ask, and what else?

[86:07]

Or does this seem to be helpful? And in relating to somebody in a way, helpful is, do I see their body and face relaxed? Are they as, you know, did their heart, did my heart open? Did their heart open? And if it's true that we only know a certain percent, and I've been kind of investigating this, we're all, those of us that are studying racial karma, you know, we're all requesting, we're inquiring, we're in question about what is it that I haven't seen? What is it I don't know? And so if I get in some turbulence with somebody, I just think, well, what's my part in it? I mean, outside of racial conditioning, but, you know, if there's some turbulence, it's not like it's not me.

[87:10]

They might be doing a projection on me, but a good friend of mine once said, if there's a projection that sticks, there must be a hook to hang it on. So that's my work is where's the hook. And if it doesn't stick, then you're probably at ease with the person and going, huh, wow, tell me more. Maybe even if you're not at ease, you could say, wow, tell me more. I like that one. Tell me more. Okay, thank you. Thank you. Or you have some more? That's enough for now. Thank you. Look like Annette might have a response as well. Nope.

[88:12]

She disappeared. There she is. Okay. Thank you so much, Sonia and everyone that's contributing. And I just want to say, Sonia, I have a really heartfelt appreciation to you for all the years, which isn't that many, but, you know, less than 10 that I have seeing you, taking care of the plants, I would say was one of the most helpful things to me about sort of feeling like the heart of practice in action, seeing you lovingly and diligently, I wanted to add, taking care of all the living things things at Green Gulch, plants and people and other students and just the grace and attention and stillness, open heartedness, all those things I've observed in you without conversation, without ever telling you.

[89:24]

And for me, it's been so it's kind of emotional, reassuring. I would say that reassuring. And I just really wanted to thank you. And for certainly everything you said in your talk was consistent with that. But I feel that, you know, when you were talking about arriving, arriving, that you would take that on and that you would see that. For me, that's so helpful. And Thich Nhat Hanh pretty much has said the same thing. You know, like every step, you know, the sort of beauty and wholeness and everything, joy, everything. And so I just want to thank you for that because I think you embody that. I don't think you can be any other way. So I'm not saying, you know, anything that you even have to respond to in any way, but I'm just saying, I really appreciate who you are, how you are, and you've contributed so much.

[90:33]

to me and so many others. So thank you. Thank you. I feel that's a tribute to practice, actually. And what's coming to my mind, actually, you're reminding me, which I didn't, I remember seeing the title on this book by Thich Nhat Hanh, Peace is Every Step. Right. I'm going, what? And over the years, just thinking about whether it's faith or intention, you know, Yeah, is peace, you know, is peace me or what I can relate to in this moment? And there, Paul Reps, do you know that name? He did, I don't know, poetry isn't quite the right word, but he did these little sayings and he did... drawings or paintings anyway if you look it up it was really wonderful but he had one that was a and I I practiced with it for years drawing it and it was a tea bowl and it said uh the quip the underneath said um drinking a bowl of tea I think it was a drinking bowl of green tea I stopped the war and I kind of

[91:57]

I mean, in my early days here, war was just what was on my mind all the time. You know, World War II, the wars that were happening. I just couldn't get it. And I made a print of it, and I put it over where we had our water cooler at that time, and I kept looking at it. And one day, pieces every step or drinking a bowl of green tea, I stopped the war, came alive. You know, so. Yeah, we just keep trying. So I appreciate the feedback. We can't really see ourselves. Yeah. And this has never happened in any talk I've ever been to. That's sort of a little bit of crosstalk that you're allowing. So I would like to, even though that seems like. we're not supposed to engage in crosstalk. It seems like now we're letting go of that story. I would like to say something. Maybe I made a mistake. No, I think it's good.

[92:58]

I think it's, I would like to June, just say, I have really enjoyed practicing with you and seeing you on the screen and hearing what you have to say. And when you were telling your story, what came to mind for me, cause I have the same exact situation with family or relatives. is what is most helpful to me is to tune into my own heart and my own trepidation and my own fear and be kind to myself and realize that I'm engaging in something. And again, maybe not proper word, that's kind of valiant. I'm trying, I'm not giving up. And so that means sometimes dealing with the fear. And I think maybe that's the biggest part for me is the kindness to self. Anyway, I just want to appreciate you because we practice together in this format of on the screen. Thanks, Sonia, for allowing that.

[93:59]

So part of being still and maybe being fearless is a teaching of Prajnatara, which is another mantra. Some mantras are mind protectors. So what is it that you're going to tell yourself, right, over and over again? Breathing in, not dwelling in body-mind. Breathing out, not involved in myriad circumstances. I recite this scroll 100, 1 million, 1,000, 1 million times. So breathing in, not dwelling in body, mind is like for a moment, not what about me? Breathing out, not involved in myriad circumstances.

[95:03]

We don't know how it's going to go, but we're making our best guess. And I think it helps me to take the next step. over and over again when I'm kind of shaking in my boots or to go up to somebody and say, hello. Yeah. Thank you, Annette. Okay. Any other offerings or feedback or questions? Taking a look through the gallery. See if anybody else has their hand raised. Might have arrived into silence and stillness and spaciousness. Might be. Just one last pass.

[96:04]

Does anybody have a way that they're working with letting go of their gripping story? You know, the stories pretty much happen in our head. And to be able to drop down to the heart or to your gut and to make contact again with your body, maybe through breath or through touch, you know, is a way to drop into that pause again. I need a little picture of pause. Yeah. Okay. Do you see anything, Kogetsu? Everything's looking pretty clear.

[97:08]

I have gratitude for you in the chat. Blessings while sipping tea. Okay. Well, thank you all for staying. And... May our practice be a blessing to each of us in of ourselves and to others. And yeah, go in peace. And thank you very much. If you'd like to unmute and say goodbye, feel free to do so. Thank you, everyone. Thank you. Thank you all. Thank you so much. Thank you. So good to be here. Again, thank you. Thank you, Sonya. Okay, here we go.

[98:15]

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