This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning. Just in case you forgot, here's where we got to yesterday. The practice thus increases the dharma joy that is the original state of the Buddha Tathaguttas and renews the adornment of awakening in the way. Someone said to me, anxious sheen, they said, I sat up all night

[01:08]

morning I was totally lost no idea what was going on bewildered confused agitated restless what do you do when it's like that what do you do You read a poem. It said, Kevin and the Blackbird. The question's about how do we respond to what practice asks of us? If you think way back when, in the first talk I gave, talking about the human condition and then reading William Stafford's poem about the prisoner who, of course, suffers being imprisoned but has all their strategies for staying imprisoned.

[02:28]

What is it? How do we respond to that? Throw open the prison doors. Well, that's my heart's desire. And I'm going to do it tomorrow. Or maybe the day after. And then, you know, there's something in us. I remember once someone was at city center. They were talking about their time as a monk in Korea. Why do people do these sorts of things in monasteries? But the monks had this practice. It was freezing cold. And so they had a bathtub. And of course, because it was so cold, there'd be a layer of ice on the bathtub. And guess what they did every morning before they sat together?

[03:45]

Yep, they broke the ice and plunged into it. And he said, when I was doing this, and my mind was saying, why are you doing this? I hate it. I hate it. this practice ask of me and how in a way it can be exquisitely ennobling you know it's inviting us beyond you know the pettiness that we can wrap ourselves in.

[04:49]

It's asking us to affirm something of the nobility of our own being, some innate wisdom and compassion. It's inviting us, you know, to walk with the Buddha Tathagatas in the Dharma joy. of the original state of the Buddha Tathagatas. And then almost mysteriously, it seems to involve fumbling around, you know? sit all night and your head falls off and then in the morning you're looking for it but you have no eyes to see and where's my head and am i doing sazen or am i what you know if you have no idea anymore

[06:05]

one formulation is what does practice ask of me to give everything I have and then to give what I didn't even know I had and don't even know how to give so there's a myth in Celtic practice It's about St. Kevin and the Blackbird. And guess who wrote a poem about it? And then there was St. Kevin and the Blackbird. The saint is kneeling, arms stretched out inside his cell. But the cell is narrow, so one upturned palm is out the window, stiff as a crossbeak. Okay, so far so good. When a blackbird lands, when a blackbird lands and lays in it and settles down to nest in that outstretched palm, Kevin feels the warm eggs, the small breast, the tucked meat head and claws and finding himself linked into the network of eternal life is moved to pity.

[07:42]

Now he must hold his hand like a branch out in the sun and the rain for weeks until the young are hatched and fledged and flown you know this morning we renewed our vows in the pale moonlight yes I will We enter in. Maybe some of us are smart to know. We're in for trouble. But I think some of us, certainly myself, in entering in, I thought, ah, this exquisite way to create a state of consciousness.

[08:47]

turns karmic formations into stardust. The joy of the Buddha way. The abode of all Buddhas adorned with Buddha blessings. But either way, whether you're smart enough to know what's in your way or not and we rub up against the immensity of existence that casually says to us do you really think all that self-concern self-referencing is going to sustain separate being, is going to create awakened happiness.

[09:58]

And we bump into greater being. You know, In the talks in the sishin, you know, I had these fine notions in my head. Oh, we enter through the door of non-duality. Nothing to attain, no one to attain it. With nothing to attain, the bodhisattva realizes the nature of what is. There's no hindrance. And with no hindrance, the whole complexities of self-concern dissolve. How neat.

[11:09]

How... The lotus... rises out of the muddy water and blossoms into pristine being. But our human karma seldom moves through us so smoothly. So effortlessly. Yes, as a disciple, we follow the path. And we renew our vows because we're inclined to forget them. Oh, was that again?

[12:12]

Oh yeah, I did say I was gonna do this, didn't I? Once I was in Dogasana with a teacher, and he said something, and it was kind of like, are you willing to do this? I can't remember the content that I'm supposed to be willing to do. He said, are you willing to do it? And I said, I'll try. And he looked at me like, what? You'll try? He so much wanted me to say, so he repeated the question and guess what I said I said I'll try you know it's like I can't lie to you you know

[13:18]

whether I can, but I'll try. No. I will try. No. I don't know how many times we went back and forth, but neither of us budged. The nature of our effort the nature of the request, the nature of what we're working with in our own karmic being. How does the lotus come up out of the muddy water? How is it that without the muddy water The lotus can't even survive, never mind blossom.

[14:31]

Without knowing what he's getting into, St. Kevin puts his hand out the window. Okay, then. This is it. Here, the bird's here. And then Seamus Heaney goes on like this. And since this whole thing, since this whole thing's imagined anyhow, imagine being Kevin. Which is it? Self-forgetful or in agony all the time? From the neck on out through his hurting forearms. in agony all the time from the neck on out through his hurting forearms. Are his fingers sleeping? Does he still feel his knees? Or has the shut-eyed blank of under earth crept up through him?

[15:42]

Is there any distance in his head, alone and mirrored clear in love's deep river, to labor and to not seek reward? he prays. A prayer his body makes entirely, for he has forgotten self, forgotten bird, and on the riverbank, forgotten the river's name. of transformation. The yes I will is not transcendence of the karmic condition.

[16:53]

It's not despite it. It's Tasting it, feeling it, seeing it. Not embittered, shameful or resentful. We see within how it weaves together existence. we see dukkha. You know, and I presented this lovely Sanskrit word shunita, as if to say, well, being the clever people we are, we can see

[18:00]

It's all a construct. Nothing to worry about. If you don't make it up, the Dharma gate is wide open. But we do make it up. And what's made up of everything we've got. And in that engagement, the immensity of being is broad, close. And we chant Kanzha Yan. as a great gift in some immensity of being that can't be held in the words, the images that our mind can construct.

[19:24]

staying close to our karmic creation. The suchness of what is appears. And oh, wouldn't it be lovely if that was always smooth sailing, if that was always a well-oiled hinge swinging open. But in the engagement, in the discovering, letting the breath breathe the body is a very difficult practice.

[20:38]

A practice period at Tassahara is a very difficult practice. We will constantly search for a way to modify the request. tomorrow. Really, I'm just busy today. Yes, I will later. To move towards that request.

[21:49]

To come back with each inhale. To release with each exhale. In our meditation, to get that close that each breath is a chapter in the book of life. The nature of our consciousness is we can ramble through in an unattentive way extraordinarily easily. This great paradox is so much we want to be fully alive. There's nothing that means more to us and yet And the disciple needs the discipline of now and now and now.

[23:06]

The disciple needs the discipline of directed attention. Not because in our skillfulness We know what that's going to manufacture. It's just in such an engagement, the request keeps appearing. Breath after breath, moment after moment, situation after situation. sometimes the challenge the difficulty is way more than you asked for and sometimes it's delight usually when you're not expecting when you're not demanding

[24:22]

And then in painting the picture of the path in the talks I gave, you know, the notion of a certain kind of recklessness, shamelessness. Dr. Johnny turning something. Maybe you'll go away from Sashin and you'll think, that'll be the only thing you'll remember. Dr. Jaini's comment. You can hold up anything and let it be totally itself. Anything. No limit. context of that reckless and shameless.

[25:36]

In fact, sometimes it seems our missteps, our failures have more to offer than our so-called successes. Sometimes dropping your chopsticks on the floor. No. Then you're alert. I remember when we first introduced that practice, it was like, are you going to do that? It's almost like, okay, it's a kind of public shaming. As a bad Zen student who dropped their tap sticks, you should be shaved.

[26:44]

Oh. It's gone. Yep. No go. Batteries are done. Are there any batteries over there? You got some in your pocket? Oh, right here. that shift of disposition where awakening is more valued than success, than accomplishment.

[28:38]

It has humility to it and I would add it has a kind of psychological permission okay this wreck that's me can all be included in the great Dharma bus all of the ten thousand idiots will all fit in our effort is modified. Because we've let go of the burden of success or fear of failure or shame. and in the process, a trust.

[29:52]

All is included. No perfection necessary. In that wonderfully convenient way, we like to project out shortcomings onto others. It's not about me, it's about him. He's terrible. Something in that mechanism starts to dissipate too. Competition feels more like a joke. a different sensibility starts to emerge and the fervor of our discipline has a different tenor to it

[31:15]

It's more like it's guided by almost like a soft sobriety. This is how human life is. What help is it to try to conjure up intoxicating ideas about it? I'll go and get some zen and then I'll go off and whatever. This will make me shiny and bright. there's also an inclination towards settling.

[32:34]

Something in the discomfort of the discipline. Would that bird hurry up and get those eggs latched? I've got to get on with being a saint. I can hang around here doing nothing all the time. It's like everything takes the time it takes. It doesn't make us cringe. It's more like, yeah, everything takes the time it takes. And it's not like, oh, well, that's mindfulness. It's more like, no. That's living a life, you know? You want to hammer in there?

[33:45]

You've got to hit it a few times. Get it in there. The abode of being starts to shift in its fundamental demeanor. It starts to shift from being. of shortcomings and disappointments to the land of everything takes the time it takes and that's pretty great because you know walking from here to there when you give it the time it takes a lot of good stuff happens you know blackbirds blue jays

[35:03]

Tarantulas, spiders, deer poking around the bush, you know. The smell of a little sulfur coming down the stream. On the way to the bath a couple of days ago, I noticed the color of the water beside the old bathhouse. It's amazing. And my thought went immediately, too. Oh, I've got to get a picture of that. I've got to own that. That one, that was mine. Give it to me. But when you're giving it the time it takes, just marvel. Just plenty more. There's a hundred more before the bathhouse. somehow the scarcity, the lacking.

[36:05]

It's not the only show in town. It's something in this, with great wisdom goes, This end stuff's not all bad. Sometimes it actually seems to work. And then we throw it away and leap back into karmic self. How mysterious.

[37:13]

Do we need to hold our hand out the window again and wait for the next blackbird? Do we need to stay up all night? Lose our head and search in the dark for it? pray for our next great failure. Oh, I hope I do something really wrong today. What if I deliberately threw my chopsticks on the floor? Doesn't count. Doesn't count. You need that surge of energy as you go, ah... the world takes you beyond the contrivance of acceptable or whatever it is, manageable.

[38:41]

Yunnan says, it's like in this state the world's turned upside down. Personal success accomplishment, cleverness, you know. It's not so helpful. Rubbing up against the edge. Opening the greater being. So-called failure, limitation. the receptive attention. The whole of being is being open to, and what will it put in that outstretched hand?

[39:41]

Who knows? A small stone of settled awakening? An open wound of karmic pain? Who knows? And the challenge for us, whatever it presents, just this is it. becomes the intermediary with all existence.

[40:56]

My engineering mind says, we've got to fix this. about an engineering mind the world is filled with things that you can mess with and fix it's a lot of fun and of course really they're fixing you but that's part of the fun we bump up against the suchness of what is receptive attention endlessly and we say no endlessly and occasionally we say yes and we discover

[42:08]

We discover yes. And we discover that our practice It doesn't give us any, ah, do this for sure it'll work. And the outcome will be exactly like this. But it does give us these basic modes of engagement. Doug and Zenji's. wholehearted way. Wholehearted, committed, available, dedicated, disciplined.

[43:33]

Take your pick. Sooner or later, they're all going to be relevant for you if you keep at it. it's a little bit like exercising namasa you know you at this point in Chashin we're used to it you know oh another ceremony sure bring it on see a fire car stand here for five minutes while we figure out or we arrange what's next sure that's no problem just five can the mysterious alchemy of it all can it sink in

[44:45]

not as fixed ideas, but as a sensibility about involvement in being alive. That wherever we turn, that's what meets what's there. Whatever mischief or karmic life creates. We meet it. We discover within it, within its muddy water, we discover that lotus. we discover how the fierceness of the alchemy of what this practice asks of me.

[45:56]

It's a true Dharma companion. It will bring out an ability of spirit. And we won't be so obliged to ourselves to be adorned with some great accomplishment or capacity. worthy of admiration or envy? No. Just your shoes. Have you had lunch? Well, I should go.

[47:09]

Just give each thing the time it needs. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma Talks are offered free of charge, and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit SSCC.org and click Giving.

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