Spring Sesshin

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intention that it his words



it's difficult to speak

yeah i apologize for disturbing you
i'm sorry

we're very quiet today

whether you think so
or not
this is jj you son my

would you like a chair
here it
g g g you means

to use now
it means
the airport means to is
and the jew part means to receive
so the j part name's oneself
it was backwards
oh how silly
isn't it really silly whole thing
so u g know you ju je means
use receive oneself and j zhou yu means oneself we're safe to use don't let me keep to me that's the whole talk

so j j you zan my means
that bell
he does
good morning
at jj you means
self receiving
self enjoyment
samadhi or receiving the joy of awakening
we saving the joy of awakening in oneself
receiving we're saving

receiving receiving the bell you know
the wind the hardness of the
cushion or the floor your hand tips touching
the feel of her
hair on your face
boredom anger
receiving saving be the the self
that is the self coming forward
there is no
separation there
between zaza in and self
no discrimination
between the self and satin cause
where are receiving the self has sam
julia julia on my

you can see when you said all things arising going like that
pump pump
no problem
the to prove it
when the buddha
why sam
awakened and looking around to see what to do next his first thought of course was not to teach has you know he thought no one would understand and but he did after all i got a card one time from the spirit rock saying so africa what it was but it was a beautiful picture and on the other side of the picture
it said buddha decided to do when it when buddha saw the suffering of living beings swear they decided to teach the so beautiful
such a wonderful thing
anyway so he went to teach and the first person he met that he taught was his the five aesthetic friends that he had one of whom name is khan donna
and after the buddha spoke with him condado woke up he understood and the buddha sweet guy that he was got really excited he said oh he gotta be got it and what kinda got was that all things that are so
subject to arising are subject to sensation
everything that arises goes away
that was his understanding i mean come on
had really said he worked for so he must have really got that pretty deeply

and along with that buddha understood that everything as it arises
arises on conditions of everything else just like yours as in
you can see that

he just woke up
the do
and we are told
this is how you relate to things that are always arising and ceasing k you ready

like a shooting star
like a fault and vision
how lamp you know it must have been they didn't have electricity right so it of in the lamp was like flickering on and off however
a mock show
do on the grass a bubble
a dream
a lightning flash
a cloud
totally ungraspable is not there to grasp onto as a solid thing
that's how we are to relate with things that arise and says that zazen

he have heard this before once the big deal
why don't you know that happiness is on the other side
joy and peace they say
why are we did there
i gave you
one get i said ten ten no five maybe to no one one guess one guess
click click click click click click click because
we think things are solid separate
and the most important one that we think a solid and separate of course is or a sense of ourself
now we've been sitting for a few days
and things are pretty quiet
no i'm not recommending this
don't do this
because it's not safe
but if you're tired of what you're doing
you're tired of following your thoughts and believing in them
tired of struggling seeking grasping
then the best thing to do is nothing at all
nothing at all
nothing really i am serious
don't do anything at all
with what comes up
nothing ha
don't do anything
don't judge it don't grasp it don't push it away don't think about it to analyze it
don't care about it it's none of your business

an opportunity later

i know what i was talking about
oh so really the real instruction is honestly the real instruction is don't do anything
that it's just changing is my arising ceasing
not even a watcher so just completely there
you use on my however if you are feeling compassionate toward yourself
and kind of settled
and you're interested in investigating
the crux of the manor and you want to see if there actually is such a thing as herself that solid that runs things
i'll give you two ways to take a peek
actually one generic way but two kinds of suggestions
one is with a series of questions like what is this moment
what is my reaction to this moment or what are the conditions of this moment
now this is the most fun part
can you sense can you taste a sense of herself
can you say where it is that you feel like and i
it's sir
first thing
him in the next thing is this important part
this is the important part
important part is can you tell the difference
between your sense of self
the concept of an eye
and your imputing
substance to it here identifying with whatever that sense is that's the key
k that's the key
did you get that
there's a sense
of self and then there's you are making it real and they're separate
and in fact if you can see one without the other or see both separately this is a oh this is a wake k
k pet's important i mean it you know
for those religious fanatics are interested in this kind of pursuit
it's important
hey let's see carry on here and loop it speak ah yes the other way that i was gonna suggest today to look at some things is a
in the world of you know call the scandals it's really sort of interesting if you want to see if their i sped up dinner on prevent problem
if you want it
i sped up because her i think that i'm giving you information that is actually important or useful you know
you don't need it proceed information really honestly you know really were okay just the way we are we don't not a teensy jot different than how we are it's really really okay and there's nothing anybody can tell you that really is worth
earth am i being heretical there's the dharma thirty speak
i mean yes you know you can use it in their things and that we have tools and so on and so forth but ultimately it's just a bunch of words the only thing that really is happening is we're alive right now bam bam bam
that's it
you know the words are just been been back
so way more word so training again new great
hello the sound of the rain
shh the cars you know in the rain and why
so to investigate the self you can look at form and see if there is a you in your body somewhere
see if your identified the body is a you say if it's not true that actually you think of your body as in other very weird but it's true
chile weird says okay i really came on to me when i went suzuki roshi i didn't hear him say this but i heard that he did say this when he was when he was ill with cancer he didn't say i have cancer
which almost everybody does you'll notice if they say something about you i have i have cancer something like that he said i am cancer nickname
that's a place to look and form traditionally as senses eyes materiality right eyes ears nose paste touch and also the mind gorgon you can look there and see if you have a sense of self there
and then you might look at the next scandal is in the scandals
which is we say feeling but really i don't like a word feelings that really feeling it's sensation
and there are three traditionally three kinds of sensations and you can look and see if it's not true
pleasant unpleasant and neutral
those are the only way is that we respond to things is that were actually animals you know we're not far away from animals something happens and it's either pleasant unpleasant or were bored to death because
so that's sensations and then and then the next thing what we do you know this is all you can see what happens here is we building where building what we think of as a self right here by looking at the skylanders
but the the wonderful thing about it is is that the skylanders go all by themselves
and the vicinity mark and this great book called the path of purification loggers path purification say maga path of purification it says there's a quote in it that says there is no dewar but the deed and no experience or but the experience
constituent parts alone role on
and there is nothing more than that truly peculiar there's nobody home nobody in control
now you are i mean sitting the fifth day says she this is easy to see there's nobody in control at all
emotions coming up sensations are happening thoughts are happening nobody's
behind it all
so it's like a movie going on
so the next thing that you can look at is to say from these sensations for no feelings but then what happens is we kind of make a we perceive and then we have an impulse so from this sensation like a sensation of a nice sensation right away
we think that there's a something created a sensation and we have an impulse to go for it desire
it's an it's gloom like that there wasn't very good was it

am i could deep ones who him
yeah who can quick
so and then for ones that are not we don't want we avert we have anger and aggression and me and and boom just like that boom that happened automatic from one to the next boom boom feels good way
we want it doesn't feel good push it away and if it doesn't have anything to do with us we don't even care about it
then that's the most embarrassing one because we don't even care about people if they don't relate to us in one way or another
it's embarrassing
it's true them
and then we have
dispositions and
like that's personality traits personality by this time we've rarely developed habitual ways of responding to these sensations and have continual impulses of a certain kind and this creates habit patterns this is our personality by this now we're really thinking we really are something
and we are you know where these were these impulses and patterns and person who we have now we have a personality which is a certain way of responding that's why we're also different you know some of us to the very same thing somebody a laugh and another person will get angry at another person will make some kind of witticism and another person will
will you know whatever we're all different because we're used to creating a certain kind of survival mode personality by responding and certain kinds of ways
and that for sure i guess as as her
i think so
and then the last one is consciousness by this time we're really stuck
we've created emotions from the energy of the impulses and
reactions and so on along with intelligence we've now got emotions
and we have this constant flood by this time is clear
of discursive thought

and then on top of all of that we think that's us
the reason why it's interesting to investigate in such a ways because if you get a sense that these things are not really you
you have a taste of what we call ego less next
and from that taste of eagle as ness there is a loosening
there's a loosening of your reactivity to the world
not so much grasping her aversion not so much anger greed
and i'm ability to be present in the situation because you know manipulating things all the time to get whatever it is that you think will make you happy
so that's the first kind of ego less snus
and then
if we're lucky
we can drop the watcher altogether we can even drop the idea of ego less ness
and then the whole building falls apart i understand
that's jie jie yu sung by
thrown into this groundless snus this exquisite
exquisitely synchronicities
oh stuff
and we can just enjoy it
cause we don't have anything to be afraid of anymore
it's just life living itself that's what we are bunch of life
g g you lie
just said
just me see
just been open
or just be unhappy
it really doesn't matter
just be hurt
just be sir
just be life
why categories had to live is just to live
it's not easy it's hard
so we throw ourselves into it
good luck

so many today
gave me this little pink envelope
i find it cute
a kid
pink color
on it it says form is emptiness
and emptiness is form
i thought hmmm
has break it
and then i opened it
and it had in it
jelly beans
a perfect

hey age
and it was too many
so i wanna give them to you please finish them for me
in the
if you don't want with
i have to take on but he might be advised that for as too many
one or two if paulina
see you don't have to deserve a jelly bean
and we don't have to deserve
we don't
it's given already
like it or not


my talk is over
i'm caught here because i have to wait
until each of you has a jelly bean
i'll tell you a story

one time when i was at tassajara
richard baker was the teacher on it may talk is over so just relax and don't relax make effort
they've gotta know that there's another it today and tomorrow next about two and a half days and
we're quite concentrated
so please this is the cream this is really the cream of your effort these next few days it takes about this loan to really settle and when i walked in this morning you are very settled
so these next few days are really important
the last day it's really hard to keep concentrated because you know it's almost over
but these next two days the end is long enough away that you can't even imagine it
and you're really concentrated so now plays sink
still they still
be still
such a nice place
on playstore so the story is i was a neurotic
more neurotic than i am now quite a bit work
i will sir

anyway he then it wasn't me so i kept going to docusign with richard baker and i kept telling him the same story my misery
and it turned out that my misery was the same story over and over again and hero ago it seemed to me i don't know why i guess they were different angles that i approached it
but it really was the same story and in fact he was getting tired of it
so one day he was going from is walking through tassajara
and he was just passing by the stone rooms on the way to wear it you know the bathroom is just before you get to that where the old bands were he is right around there and i was kind of about twenty feet behind him or so and kind of hurrying up to so you get to him i'm just civilian embarrassed
hurry up to get to him and i guess i was sort of talking about what my problem was or that i at least i wanted to talk to him and i don't know what but anyway he turned around and really in a very sharp kind of where he said said tail just drop it just drop it won't you just drop it
and i thought rouge
but then i verified it dismissed it here because it but when he supposed to listen to me
but then the next thing that happened was so interesting to me was that it never actually occurred to me that i could just drop it i thought i had a sort of like you know figure it out
it was part of my neuroses and i was kind of living my life like a blueprint because i didn't have parents that raised me up in certain kind of way they really didn't have a certain kind of phone expertise that when could use
related neither see their parents were it didn't know either so course it wasn't their farm but anyway so it was my karma so i didn't know i kept trying to figure things out all the time and so it never occurred american just drop it it wasn't safe and i couldn't possibly it would
how can i live if i just dropped it no way and possible but he said it to me so strongly with such a shot of energy
that i finally understood will maybe i actually could just drop it
what would be on the other side of that
an abyss
and then i wouldn't know who i was
and didn't
i didn't how to behave cause the only way i know how to behave was
these habit patterns that we were just discussing so if i drop those certain kind of way of thinking it was like who am i was really scary
but it's not a bad suggestion you leaves a pretty girl you would have saved if i did it enough you know it would have saved me about twenty years at brackish
don't waste your time
really it goes faster than you think
don't waste your time
cause everybody received
hey jelly bean
you can keep the jelly beans but i would like to have the pink envelope

so i hope that my words
ah to filled with mistakes and that
i didn't bother you
sashaying too much
please continue your good

the and ten