This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Today when I was talking about I decided to play a game on my mind start in an entirely different place sometimes asking releasing a certain kind of this is what I'll do this is what I'll say open something day one I was talking about remembering, rediscovering, reconnecting from the inside to zazen from the inside.

[01:06]

In contrast to here's my idea of what zazen is. Here's what I usually do when I'm doing zazen. Starting from the inside, letting some embodied wisdom, some experiential consequence from having done Zazen in the past, letting Id speak. And I hope that made some sense. And if it didn't, forget it. And then yesterday, Every day is a good day. Resilience. As they say in recovery, keep coming back.

[02:14]

It works if you work it. The slogan that I've crafted, what's happening now and what is it to practice with it? A resilience that keeps renewing meeting the moment. Keeps discovering in meeting the moment what is practice. In the Satipatthana Sutta, when it gets to laying out the dharmas, when it gets to Here's the course of awakening. It's wonderfully linear. Establish mindfulness with the body, with the breath, with the mind.

[03:20]

Notice that there are hindrances. There's still preoccupations, habits of mind and emotion and body that pop up and interfere with presence. Then when you've taken care of them attend to the five aggregates. How each moment is composed. And then when the mind settles more notice just the sense impressions. start to notice that as those sense impressions, there are attributes that brighten them, attributes that enable them to be just as they are.

[04:27]

And then it becomes evident that the Four Noble Truths are embodied in all of that, and that realization is the inevitable consequence. So in some ways, the ideal is a straight line. And right along with it, the human endeavor goes all over the place. Very few people are simple enough that their consciousness goes in a straight line. Maybe nobody is. So this con.

[05:35]

Kaushal asked a monk, what is the sound outside? The monk said, the sign of raindrops. So, even then it was raining. A thousand years ago. Some things. Kyosho said, ordinary people are upside down, losing themselves in pursuit of things. The monk said, what about you? Kyosho said, getting to not losing self. The monk said, what's the meaning of getting to not lose self? Kyosho said, emerging can be relatively easy. Total expression must be hard.

[06:39]

I read three translations of that corner and they all were different. I think it says something of the subtlety of what's trying to be communicated. What's happening now? There's no objective answer to that. Maybe we can think there is. It's a sign to the raindrops. But even that can have implicit in it some interpretation of reality, some interpretation of the moment, some interpretation of who I am.

[07:50]

So Kyosho qualifies that answer. If you think it's the sign of raindrops and there's something out there that's separate from in here, there's something other that's separate from me. And as we settle into Shin, this becomes all the more evident, those moments, when thought arises, is grasped, is reified, and becomes other. It can happen around something as simple and innocent

[09:03]

as a sign of a raindrop. Or it can come internally. Something arises and is cast in the category of real, of here, of elsewhere rather than here. And then as we settle, We're not quite so convinced. Here has started to take on some credibility. Presence has started to become the currency of how experience is being negotiated. And yet, still, of our karmic disposition, things arise.

[10:15]

Things. And as we sit, we're not exactly lost in destruction and not exactly concentrated, immersed in momentary existence. Or maybe we are. Maybe sometimes we're both, or either. Sometimes we're totally lost in destruction, and then sometimes immersed in presence. But I would say, and of course check it out with your own experience, there's an in-between combination We're noticing what's arising. We're not totally hooked by it, but it's not simply flowing through just like the creek flows through.

[11:34]

Talking about this, young man says, Medicine and disease discover each other. That from a Zen perspective, this state of affairs is not deficient, not needing to be moved on this scale. towards realization, from the hindrances to the sense-fears, to the aggregates to the sense-fears. This state of affairs is its own unfolding. As you remember that coin by Dengshan, Dengshan didn't say,

[12:44]

I have mastered this. Killshaw doesn't say that either. This is Thomas Cleary's translation. Interestingly, one of the other translations I was reading was also by Thomas Cleary, which he had done, I think, about 10 or 15 years earlier. But in this one, he said, getting to not losing self. So as this in-between land, not quite thoroughly settled, not caught up, not totally caught up in the arisings of self, getting to see that that too is just a flow.

[13:52]

Getting to see that noticing the grasping within that state and the aversion, or if we want to add in all the hindrances, the grasping, the aversion, the heaviness, the opaqueness, the restlessness, and the doubt. Grasp it, push it away, get weighed down by it, get pushed up into restlessness by it, or just wonder, what the hell's going on? Why am I doing this? What's the point? Is there a point? And of course, as we settle in the sashim, sometimes those are flagrant, but often they pop up like a dream that still has a certain credibility.

[15:31]

And how can this be met with clarity? Not determinedly pushed aside for some purer state of consciousness. Not grasped so that that agenda becomes more vibrant, engaging, convincing. Can we start to see that it's something like when our knee hurts and we can notice we can contract around it and some something of working with it becomes more difficult but we can let something be at ease and if we if we let something be at ease the pain simplifies sometimes it simplifies to discomfort this

[17:08]

This is a very immediate example of what this koan is trying to offer us. How do we meet each arising? Even when there's some struggle in it. Even when there's still some stuckness, some grasping aversion. heaviness, restlessness. How do we not combine? So this is embedded in what's happening now and what is it to practice with it. So in Zen practice, we forget about realization.

[18:27]

We forget about this golden road from mindfulness through the hindrances ending up at realization. And what arising now becomes the agenda and the challenge becomes how can now be Buddha how can this very arising now how can this very mind be Buddha how can we start to taste the subtleties of young men's every day is a good day. Every moment that arises is asking for an effort that turns towards an experiences.

[19:36]

And that request holds the embedded resistance, we have to do that. It's not some pure response, serene and energized. It's the response we produce, leaning one way and then the other, rising up, falling down. the one continuous mistake that is revealed when the dharma and the karma interact. And we start to allow for this and it's like we lift a heavy burden off of our practice.

[20:48]

The subtle notions of success or perfection are removed. And what's happening now becomes more innocent. It becomes broader in what it perceives. becomes more permissive. And you would think that this would be the antithesis of the exacting discipline of practice. But actually, it can be the exact opposite. As that energy is not

[21:54]

going into manufacturing something, then the nature of our effort can become more direct and simple. We can attend to the arising with less of an agenda as to what should happen or not happen. So Kyosho says, I'm getting close to this. And then in his final comment, he adds, going to ignore that translation and diligence when we have a clear notion as to what should happen it's easy to be diligent okay this is what should happen I'll just keep coming back diligently determinedly

[23:32]

like a good Zen student and have it happen. But this state of being that's both diligent and adaptable, what's happening now and what is it to practice with it? As I was saying yesterday, this adaptability is what enlivens. Because this is the nature of mind. Mind is adaptable, responsive, creative. And we try to put it inside a mechanical process.

[24:34]

teaches it something about its own extravagance, its own self-indulgence. So in some ways we can limit discipline and subdue the self-indulgence of mind. And maybe we could say that's a necessary step. Or at least to some degree that's necessary. But then at some point to align the nature of mind with engaging the moment. So I hope that makes some sense because I'm about to embellish on it.

[25:44]

Let me try again. So from the point of view of basic practice, attending the body, attending the breath, noticing what's coming up in mind and not floating away with it. within that meeting what's coming up and discovering what is it to be fully present with this and what's coming up is the product of consciousness which is utterly adaptable, reinvents itself, moves from here to there.

[26:52]

Sometimes it's grasping, sometimes it's pushing away, sometimes it's reliving an old story, sometimes it's reaching out, worrying about the future. to meet each of those minds just as it is. More subtly to stay here and let each of those minds be experienced here within the container of body and breath. This is the challenge. The adaptability of that mindfulness, the flexibility of that mindfulness, is neither tied to just follow your breathing, follow your breathing, or count your breathing.

[28:07]

It's not concentration on breath, and it's not just whatever. Receptive consciousness, objectless concentration, and a grinding settling that keeps awareness of the moment by anchoring it in the body and the breath. So in the particularity of sitting, nothing special needs to happen, but there's diligence to the basics of practice.

[29:25]

We're not singularly focusing on an object of concentration. But we're not ignoring the place of sustaining attention. And attention is sustained by this kind of returning to body, returning to breath. Returning to body, returning to breath, And then this innocent meeting whatever arises. This don't know. It's like when we're imposing something on the mind, sometimes it can feel like it's being squeezed.

[30:35]

When we're doing something in Zazen, And then the bell rings. It's like, okay, now I can be myself. I don't have to do this imposition called zazen. Can we do ah with the first bell at the start of the period? Yeah. Can that permission be there? And then the tricky part is not carrying with it the self-clinging, the habits of thought and emotion, but carrying with it, supported by, held by the discipline of attending to body and breath. And then as we do that and we start to see in the terms of the early sutras, the hindrances, that they teach us the Dharma.

[32:06]

They teach us the path of practice. grasping, becoming preoccupied with something, making it real, going inside it and struggling with whatever that creation is. This obscures. This saps energy. What is it to just see it? What is it to notice the state of mind that's in the midst of it? What is it to notice the emotions that feed it? What is it to open the hand that grasps it and let it flow? And of course I say all these like

[33:13]

this process happens in the realm of ideas. But in our practice, as we settle, this process happens in wordless experience. It says in the sutras, the Buddhas know the 10,000 trends of thought. allowing it to be what it is and seeing it for what it is. Coming from a basis of connection to body, connection to breath, and connection to state of mind. each state of mind asking, what is it to practice with this?

[34:23]

And Kyosho says, it's easy to have a fixed idea and assert your fixed idea. It's not so easy have this kind of adaptable presence. It's not so easy to talk about it. Kilshoff says, total expression must be hard. Sometimes practice seems utterly backwards.

[36:06]

The place where we struggle the most, where we cling the most, reveals the Dharma more than the place where we have facility that comes to us easily and naturally. it's the depth and the tenacity of that clinging it's coming to terms to it that teaches us the depth of clinging the place that's easy for us it hasn't asked of us to plumb our depths, to bring forth our best effort, to discover what it is to do that.

[37:16]

So this is at the heart of Zazen. It's asking us to bring forth our best effort. It's asking us to discover as thoroughly, as intimately, as fully as we can, what that is and when we look carefully at the nature of mind we see that that request is arriving is arising constantly tortured you enough with that idea. Sometimes it's good to be tortured.

[38:30]

Then you can think, I'm just going to sit here and pay full attention to body and breath. It becomes a refuge. That stuff gives me a headache. And don't worry about it too much because as mind and body connect to presence, the innate wisdom, the intuitive wisdom in our being comes forth.

[39:31]

And this interaction starts to reveal itself. All I'm really trying to say is that don't let your diligence and your sincerity simply make a mechanical effort so that you sit down, go to sleep, sit down, get kind of numb or dreamy, let a certain kind of inquiry enliven.

[40:34]

Just the same way we're enlivened when we do something that we're intrigued by or curious about. The same way the mind is enlivened when it hears a sound that it can't simply and easily identify. We hear a sign we can easily identify, it's like, uh, yeah, whatever. We hear a sign we can't easily identify, it's like, what? The attention, the energy, the interest arise. You know, this kind of effort. It's innate in our being. How can we meet the moment with that kind of quality, that kind of beginner's mind?

[41:37]

That's really what this coin is trying to say. And then the teacher is saying, It's easy to be mechanical. This other way is a challenge. But the foundation is the basis of practice. This inquiring mind, it helps It helps in a variety of ways. It helps us not separate Zazen mind from what we might call ordinary mind or the mind we're in at other times. It helps Zazen mind permeate out into all the states of consciousness that arise in our human conditioned existence.

[42:48]

It helps us see when we're creating a sense of self separate from a sense of other. It will help reveal the traits, the patterns, the habits of mind and emotion. It will help us see how we can either cling to them or categorize them as the problem? It's a problem that I have patterns of emotion. If you say so, then really it's just an expression of existence. What is it to practice with it? So in the Mahayana, we don't follow this straight line

[43:49]

arriving at utter detachment and as such give rise to awakening. It's by becoming non-attached to the full array that a human consciousness can create. This is the liberation of the Mahayana. It's almost like this bold, outrageous willingness to let everything you are come forth and express itself. And meet it in the moment. And when something in us has the audacity to sit in presence with that,

[44:54]

extraordinary things happen when you look at it from the perspective of neuroscience the brain starts to rewire the frontal cortex in its way of editing and monitoring our emotional life starts to shift from a kind of innate pessimism to an innate optimism. Since we don't know what's going to happen next, maybe it'll be good. Our brain in a variety of ways starts to function more as an ally rather than an enemy.

[46:05]

Similarly with our being, our body. Similarly with our breath. If we search for liberation, based on bending conditioned existence to our will. That's a long road. When we look carefully at what is it to shift how conditioned existence is related to? This is just nonsense saying, are you going to beat the cart? Or are you going to beat the donkey? Are you going to try to change conditioned existence? Or are you going to try to work on how it's related to? How are you going to enact a shift?

[47:20]

This is what I've been trying to say. And if it seems complicated and muddled, well, I think that's my fault. It's innate in our being. It's as simple as hearing the sound. Kaushu didn't fault the answer. He just said, usually the answer is reified, drawn into the world according to me and confirming it. Can it be an invitation to greater being? What is it to practice like that? And Yanman adds in, even the way you grasp, even that dis-ease, when met with awareness, teaches non-grasping, teaches the medicine of liberation.

[48:45]

How can this offering start to soothe the baby crying? How can it start to soften the embedded contractions of fear and resentment and anxiety close to the heart of our being? To this Of course, every moment is precious, but this precious moment is more precious than the other precious moments. It's fruition of three months of practice. The deceptive thing about our style of practice is it imbues upon us a kind of ordinariness.

[50:05]

I'm not particularly concentrated. I'm just kind of the usual old ordinary me wandering along in the same not so great fashion. Don't be deceived. There is a settling. There is a connecting, concentrating. There is a fruition of three months of practice. Culminating in this opportunity so I would say don't be discouraged when your stuff comes up whether it's blatant or gross and takes hold with both hands or whether it's just subtle as you notice in your settling there's still

[51:30]

Something at the bottom of your breath resisting, letting go. What is it to practice with it? What is it to shift the response rather than try to change the conditioned existence? Thank you. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma Talks are offered free of charge and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click Giving.

[52:31]

@Transcribed_UNK
@Text_v005
@Score_97.33