Having it to see and listen to, to remember and... Is it working? Good evening. I'd like to talk about self-acceptance as Buddhist practice. Several years ago, I saw the movie, The Elephant Man, which impressed me deeply. It's the story of a man named John Merrick, who lived in the last half of the 19th century in England. He had a disease in which 90% of his body was covered with fibroid tissue and tumors.

[01:08]

And he had several large tumors on his head, one of which was about the size of a normal person's head. But I don't believe that this condition began to develop until he was an adolescent. So, I assume he had a fairly normal childhood as a young child. The movie is based on the writings of John Merrick's doctor, Dr. Trees, and on writings by Ashley Montague, called The Elephant Man, A Study in Human Dignity. As the movie begins, John Merrick is being featured as a freak in a circus sideshow. And the man who shows him is an alcoholic, and seems to communicate chiefly by kicking, beating, and shouting at John Merrick,

[02:17]

who seems to spend his time mostly sitting on a stool in a dimly lit room, until he's told to do something else. But early on in the movie, the young Dr. Trees makes a bargain with John Merrick's master, so that he's allowed to take John to the hospital in order to study his condition. In the first few encounters between John Merrick and Dr. Trees, it seems as though John doesn't understand language, is unable to communicate, and basically doesn't have any idea what's going on around him. During this time, the senior doctor of the hospital visits them and asks Dr. Trees

[03:20]

about the mental capacity of the Elephant Man. Dr. Trees replies, I don't know. I suppose he's an imbecile. Has been an imbecile since birth. My God, I hope so. As if the physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual pain of having such a body would be unbearable. But soon after this, we find that John Merrick does understand language, that he can speak and he can actually read, that he was educated as a child. He also is quite talented artistically.

[04:22]

He only has the use of one hand. But with that, he builds very intricate and detailed models of cathedrals with lots of levels and towers, and he paints it. And they're quite accurate and beautiful. As the movie goes on, we are shown more of John Merrick's character. And we see a metamorphosis from a creature that's barely recognizable as being human into a very sensitive, kind person. His character is especially apparent in his relationships. He's befriended by the 19th century actress, Mrs. Kendall, who develops a close friendship with him, as does Dr. Trees and his wife.

[05:27]

At some point in the movie, John Merrick begins referring to Dr. Trees as my dear friend. And the way he says this communicates complete goodwill and friendliness to this other person. And in this study of human dignity, I'm struck by the relationship between John Merrick's capacity for goodwill and friendliness, and his own dignity and self-respect. This reminds me of a verse by Buddha, which goes, I visited all quarters with my mind, nor found I any dearer than myself.

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Self is likewise to every other dear. Who loves oneself will never harm another. This first line, I visited all quarters with my mind, means that Buddha visited the four quarters of the universe with his clairvoyance. And throughout the universe, nor found I any dearer than myself. Self is likewise to every other dear. Who loves oneself will never harm another. This verse appears in the Visiddhi Maga, The Path of Purification, which is the classic cataloging of Buddhist practices.

[07:44]

It's in the chapter on the four Brahma-viharas, which are friendliness, compassion, sympathetic joy, and equanimity. Brahma-viharas are translated as measureless meditations, or boundless, or in limited states, meaning states of mind. These practices are emphasized in Hinayana Buddhism, as well as most of the other religions in India. They are considered the ideal way of conduct toward living beings. The first, friendliness, or loving-kindness, means wishing well for others,

[08:49]

or wishing to provide others with what is useful. The second, compassion, means wishing to relieve the suffering of others. Sympathetic joy means feeling happiness at the good fortune of others. It's characterized by lack of despondency. It's considered an antidote to depression. The fourth unlimited state, equanimity, means even-mindedness towards all. Sometimes people confuse it with indifference or detachment, but it's not withdrawing from others. It's an unshakable balance of mind,

[09:53]

which is rooted in insight. The purpose of these practices is to break down the barriers between self and others. And the traditional example used to illustrate this breakdown in barriers goes like this. If you were in the forest, with three people, one person who is a good friend, another person whom you have no strong feelings for, someone you feel neutral toward, and the third person you feel hostility toward, and if you were approached by a band of robbers who demanded that they be given one person,

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and if you asked the robbers what they wanted this person for, and if they told you they would like to make a blood sacrifice to the gods or the forest spirits, and if you thought, let them take this person, or let them take that person, that would mean that you had not broken down the barriers between self and others. Or, if you thought, let them take me, then again, you would not have broken down the barriers. You must have equal regard for all four of the people, including yourself, before the distinction between self and others is removed. The practice of the Four Unlimited

[12:05]

begins with the development of friendliness and loving-kindness. And usually, this is done by starting with the easiest person, which is ideally your teacher. If you don't have a teacher, then a good friend, whom you're not sexually involved with or attracted to. Then, after you develop loving-kindness for this person, you try to cultivate loving-kindness towards a neutral person, and then towards a hostile person, someone you feel hostility toward. But the Vasudhi Maga teaches, actually, that you are to first begin by directing loving-kindness towards yourself, over and over and over.

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And the formal way this is done is by repeating these phrases, May I be happy. May I be free from suffering. May I be free from anxiety, from affliction. May I be well. May I dwell in peace. And the Vasudhi Maga teaches that we are to radiate loving-kindness to ourselves, pervade ourselves with friendliness. And this is done so that we have first-hand experience with loving-kindness, so that we can then use ourselves as an example. So, after developing loving-kindness towards yourself, you then direct these phrases to your teacher or good friend.

[14:10]

May my teacher be happy. May my teacher be free from suffering. May my teacher dwell in peace. And so on, with a neutral person, and a hostile person. After you've gotten through all that, the practice is to direct friendliness to all beings. So taking yourself as an example, as I want to be happy, as I want to be free from suffering, as I want to dwell in peace. May all beings be happy. May all beings be free from suffering. May all beings dwell in peace. After perfecting loving-kindness,

[15:13]

you then proceed with cultivating compassion, sympathetic joy, and equanimity. But the Vasudhi Magga emphasizes the importance of first developing friendliness and loving-kindness to oneself again, and again, and again. Before I knew about this group of practices, I stumbled onto my own version of friendliness to the self. I'd been sitting zazen for seven years, and I was in a relationship. My boyfriend had begun spending a lot of time with someone else, and we all lived here in the building. And it wasn't long before I started feeling threatened

[16:17]

and rejected and jealous. And it was really awful, and it went on for a while. And at one point, I sort of came up with a visualization process where I visualized each part of my body. I'd start with my toes, and then visualize my feet, and then my ankles, and then my calves, my knees, and so on, up to my head. And as I did this, I said these phrases to each part of my body. I love you. I care about you. I completely accept you. And what I found was how many parts of my body I didn't like,

[17:21]

or I thought was ugly or unacceptable. And one of the benefits from doing this exercise was it helped me become more conscious of my attitudes towards my body, towards my physical self. And it gave me a way to consciously work with trying to accept all the parts of myself, just as I was. And this verse of the Buddhas says, whoever loves oneself will never harm another. It doesn't say, whoever is enlightened, or whoever is a perfected being and loves oneself, will never harm another. It says, whoever loves oneself will never harm another.

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Buddhist cosmology teaches that there are six realms of existence, most of which we ignore. The realms are the hell realms, the realm of hungry ghosts, the animal realm, the human realm, the realm of the jealous gods, the Titans and Asuras, and the heavenly realm of gods and goddesses. These realms of existence are taught both as realms we are reincarnated or reborn into and as states of mind that we enter and leave throughout our lives. And it's considered extremely rare to be born as a human being. And the human realm is the only realm

[19:32]

in which we can practice. So if Buddhist practice is for human beings, if Buddhism is a human endeavor, we've got to be able to practice with all the aspects that make up being human, not just our positive or wholesome or uplifting qualities. We've got to be able to bring practice to everything that makes up human character and human experience. Wherever we are, whatever we're doing, that is what we have to practice with. It doesn't work to try to perfect yourself or purify yourself so that you can practice. Whatever we feel or experience as human beings

[20:37]

is completely acceptable for practice. This doesn't mean that because whatever we feel is acceptable, that it's okay to express it. The activity of being aware of our feelings is quite different from the activity of expressing our feelings. Trungpa Rinpoche and other Buddhist teachers have taught that the way we can practice with our emotions is not to repress them and not to express them. So what's left? When we don't repress our emotional states

[21:40]

and we don't express them, we have the opportunity to look fully and directly at them without distracting ourselves by responding to them. After I had done this visualization exercise for a while, for one or two months, one day when I finished, something else happened. It was as if my emotional geography or emotional terrain appeared. So I tried to call up my jealousy, or I tried to recreate what I felt when I was in a jealous state.

[22:42]

And then I directed these same phrases to my jealousy. I love you. I care about you. I completely accept you. And I had always hated my jealousy, hated myself for feeling jealous. So this was a completely different attitude of trying to accept my jealousy, or accept myself as a human being who is sometimes jealous. After I did this, I called up my comparative thinking, my judgmental faculty. And instead of trying to stop it, I tried to direct the same attitude of acceptance toward it. I tried to accept myself as someone who sometimes judges and criticizes.

[23:50]

And one thing that began to happen is that sometimes when I was in zazen, I would notice this crummy feeling in my gut. And then I would notice that I was engaged in the mental activity of comparing myself to someone else, or to some external standard or ideal. And when I did this, I felt pain. I felt inadequate. So I tried to accept this, that criticizing and judging, comparing, are aspects of being human. They are completely acceptable. Only when I do, I feel pain. But it's okay to feel pain.

[24:57]

You know, it's part of a cause-and-effect relationship. Our goal, at least theoretically, is not that we never feel pain. It's okay to feel pain. And I found that when I treated the parts of myself that I didn't like with friendliness and acceptance, that they began to lose their power. They lost the strength to push me around. Our practice is to awaken, to awaken to delusion, and to wake up to our true nature, not to try to make ourselves into something else.

[26:01]

And our thinking and our hopes and fears and our emotional states may confuse us. But when we are willing to sit with our aversions, letting them arise and pass away, without trying to push them away or control them, when we are able to sit with our hopes and desires, without trying to hold on to them or recreate our experience of them, then we avoid picking and choosing. We can begin this practice of just sitting. Thank you. May our intention

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May our intention Concentrate [...]

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