This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning. As I was walking in the door, This door. I felt the heat of the room. And I shivered a little bit. Somehow the heat of the room made more evident hold of outside in the cabin I was just sitting in.

[01:01]

And I thought, isn't that the way? That we hold something up, we're holding something together to protect ourselves, sustain ourselves. And then when there's permission to exhale, to let something open, to let something be felt rather than defended against, we feel it. Here's a story I heard many years ago. Someone came to see me at City Center. And his teacher was Colbin Chino Roshi, who's since died.

[02:09]

And he said he was talking to Colbin. And then he said, Colbin, I'm a heroin addict. And Colbin said, Well, at least you're not a murderer. And he said, then a funny thing happened. Of course, he was moved by Coben's generosity, his acceptance. He said, but a funny thing happened. He never used heroin again after that day. think we all wish that was the case for everybody but I think even though it's not the case for everybody it still has a teaching for us what I'm trying to talk about is the teaching of radical honesty and how we

[03:26]

persuade the self to engage in such a practice. You know, over the years, without quite intending, I noticed that I'm more inclined to tell something positive about what tell someone something positive about what they're doing than to criticize something that maybe they should be doing differently or whatever. Quite literally, it's more effective. Of course, it's a lot of fun to tell someone something they're doing wrong. It proves that you're superior. You're smarter.

[04:30]

You can express your frustrations, negativities. You can have the power of noticing they feel bad. All those wonderful things. But when you ask yourself, did that help? Was that supportive? Was that encouraging? Did something in them soften? and think, oh yeah, let me open to what's going on in here. Let me open to becoming aware of how the world is being engaged. And of course, it was just external negativity that we had to cope with that would be difficult enough.

[05:47]

But then something in us, by my experience, almost all of us internalizes the negative. and often in the service of our dedication to practice. Or maybe I'm just talking about myself. That's always a possibility. for you that has something to consider. Once, about ten years ago, I was here leaving a practice period, and the tankto did something.

[07:09]

And I thought it was quite wonderful. And I stopped him and I said, can I tell you something? And I said, you know the way you did that? I thought it was kind of great. And he looked at me and he said, but? And I said, what? There's a bud coming, right? And I said, no, actually. Feedback, yeah. I've come to think feedback is terrific for the person who gets to give it. But for the person who gets to receive it, I'm not so sure. Sometimes it seems to me even when someone does something and you think, okay, well, that's not the form, or, you know, it would be better if you did it that way.

[08:29]

It would work better. So what? They're in the midst of a learning process. You can say for sure what's most hope to someone. And then to internalize that consideration. What enables any one of us to be radically honest? Sometimes we think, well, the unvarnished truth has a kind of cruel tinge to it.

[09:30]

You're a selfish, lazy, arrogant person. Once when I was a monk in Thailand, I spent a little time at Achan Phong's monastery. And by that time, Achan Phong was like the most popular teacher in Thailand. If you got a medallion from Achan Phong, that was like, that would protect you from any harm. And so, He would give a short talk each morning about 10 o'clock. And the people would all drive up from Bangkok. And then we would sit. He'd say, okay, we're going to sit.

[10:32]

And we'd sit for about five minutes. And then he'd congratulate them on their sitting. And then he'd say, does anyone want a medallion? and half the audience would rush up to the stage and get a medallion. And then later in the day, in the evening, early evening, kind of the local lay people's sitting group would come, and they'd sit. And then they'd sit for about an hour and he'd say things like, you're going to die. Everything's impermanent. Give it everything you've got.

[11:35]

And then the lay people's sitting group would leave, and he'd turn his attention to the monks. And he would say, are you just here for the food? You think that's practice? You have no idea what practice is asking of you. And I think as monks we thought, we must be special. The worst criticism comes to us. Certainly I did. I thought, yeah. Encouragement comes in funny ways.

[12:42]

Sometimes the heat teaches us about being cold. Sometimes admitting completely that you're stuck opens the path to freedom. Sometimes the criticism can seem like a cause to contract, pull away. Maybe even internalize it and burden yourself with some notion of limitations. And hopefully, as we're searching for the way of practice, as we're searching for the way of working with the self, both our own and other people's, hopefully we can call forth a benevolence.

[14:22]

Hey, what's most helpful right now? What prompted Covencino Roshi to say, at least you're not a murderer? And the person who told me that story, he said he was stunned. Because the reason he blurted out, I'm a heroin addict, was he thought, I've been putting on a show. I'm trying to look good in this person's eyes. And that's not what practice is about. Practice is not about

[15:29]

fooling someone else into thinking there's something they can admire. And he said, then, when Kolben responded the way he responded, he was stunned. He was like, totally turned all that upside down. his confession of his own inadequacies, which he thought were a total game changer, opened the door of liberation. Maybe radical honesty is a risky business.

[16:29]

We all need some hopefulness. We all need some something, some way of being that offers us encouragement. And when we put that together with radical honesty, It's a delicate matter. So all that, believe it or not, sprung from this sentence, the second sentence in the Fukanzu Zenki. Actually, it sprung from Shuhaka Komora's way of translating it.

[17:39]

Here's how he translated it. He translated it as, the vehicle of reality is in the self. Why should we make effort to attain it? The vehicle of reality is in the self. Why should we make effort to attain it? Here's how we usually translate it. The Dharma vehicle is free and untrammeled. What need is there for concentrated effort? How many times have we said that, chanted it, read it? Untrammeled. We say that to ourselves all the time, don't we?

[18:42]

You feeling untrammeled today? I sort of think of some studious Japanese person looking up the kanji and then thinking, oh, in English it's untrammeled. Some of the other translations are, the supreme teaching is free, so why study the means to attain it? Another one, the real vehicle exists naturally. Why should we put forth great effort? The real vehicle dharma vehicle, the vehicle of reality.

[19:47]

The big challenge for us is that in our sincerity, we sort of swallow something whole. the Dharma vehicle is free and untrammeled. But our practice is asking us to chew on it, to let it metabolize in our human life, to see that that's exactly That's speaking exactly to what's happening inside us. That's speaking exactly what's happening between us. That that's nothing other than coming in from the cold into the heat and noticing as the body instinctively relaxes,

[21:09]

It feels it residual cold. For mammals, we have a comfort zone for our body heat. We're thinking creatures. construct a version of reality. We're emotional creatures. We're disgusted. We're encouraged. We're frightened. We're amused. immersed in subjective being on a sensitive level, on a cognitive level, on an emotional level, on a psychological level, on an interpersonal level.

[22:39]

And as it swirls around within us, our diligence, our deep dedication is exploring how to open the door, the Dharma gate of liberation. not because we're bad people. It's not because we're broken and we need to be fixed. It's a more delicate process. And when we on these marvelous teachings when we let it enter into us its request about practice these teachings have not been uttered to confuse us they haven't been written

[24:18]

by someone who's saying, well, I'm really smart. Here's my wonderful teaching. They're saying, I hope this can help. I hope my way of writing it can spark something, can help you relate to the human condition. can help you see where you contract. When we pay close attention, we can see that even our thinking, our formulating, our reifying our concepts of existence, even that can have a kind of contraction.

[25:20]

And interestingly, the unpleasant is more likely to do that than the pleasant. To watch the mind. as a scolding teacher, but as a benevolent good friend. great sea of emotions we start to form our emotions you know maybe we start to form them in the womb you know mother is feeding them through us through the umbilical cord or maybe we take those as suggestions

[26:49]

And when we're about six or eight months old and starting to formulate our own version of reality. And we layer and layer and layer. And then some day, amazingly, we end up in a Zen monastery. I mean, who'd have thought it? Yeah, see that kid in the playground? He's going to go to a Zen monastery. I couldn't tell by the way he swings. Radical honesty isn't the avenging angel.

[27:51]

It isn't the wrath of God come down to punish you. Radical honesty is the moment of pause and opening and allowing what is. express itself. And I'd offer you the notion it's a delicate process. And then I'd like to bore you a little bit with being present for the inhale.

[28:54]

That when there can be a deliberate pause, that when the body can soften, become receptive, when the mind can soften and be attentive, when the emotions can soften, and the sensations of the inhale. Just that. teaches so much about practice and not only that it's free and so far there's plenty of our so it's not a competition

[30:09]

moment when the human organism softens and opens. Now, it would be wonderful if that always cascaded in a virtuous way, that we gave up our addictions. that we were flooded with gratitude, generosity, and compassion. But sometimes when we're exposed to the warmth, we shiver with residual cold. Sometimes the reverse happens. It's as if something within us is saying, Well, now I've finally got your attention.

[31:17]

I want you to listen while I complain. I'm not happy with this. I'm still suffering from that. There's no telling what arises. in our being in that moment of opening. And radical honesty is saying, whatever it is that arises, that's what has arisen. That's the next moment of subjective self. Whether you're feeling triumphant or defeated, whether you're feeling you love the whole world, or whether you're feeling a deep bitterness for some aspect of life, so be it.

[32:44]

And that's the other great teaching for us. So be it. If we think we're crafting a practice that just makes, turns everything into sweetness and delight, we're caught up in a naive a day. Then if you don't get sweetness and delight, you must be doing something wrong. The karma of a lifetime is the karma of a lifetime. And how it will manifest itself in response to any opening, as Dogen Zenji says, it's not merely carried over from the past, it's not merely arising now it's a combination and part of our challenge is when it's not what we wanted when it's not what we expected when it's not what we approve of can we

[34:17]

be present for it anyway. In those moments, in the midst of your virtuous practice, for some unknown reason, your mind grasps the sharp thorns of some bitterness. That's what's happened. Radical honesty says, before you get busy fixing it, what is it? What's happening? What version of reality is arising? What kaya, what world system? Because that particular moment

[35:20]

has its own contextual setting. The question, why should we make effort to attain it? It's interesting, the scholars vary on this a little bit, The notion is that Dogen, this is a Tampuku version of Fokansu Zengi, and he wrote somewhere between six and twelve years earlier, he wrote this version. This is Shohaku's translations. The vehicle of reality is in the self. And then the first version he wrote was

[36:20]

why should we waste our efforts trying to attain it? And then later he went back and he added his own writing and he changed, why should we waste our efforts to say, why should we make efforts? It's not an interesting change. Why should we waste our efforts? Why should we make our efforts? What's he trying to teach us there? waste effort, make effort? What is he pointing at that he's saying? And please consider in your search for the right effort that we're not... getting it right or getting it wrong.

[37:25]

That there is an effort required, but it's not fixing something. It's not imposing something. It's not demanding something. And we become deeply curious about, oh, look at this. Look at this powerful wind that has rushed into my quiet mind. Look at this. Even as we're walking, the morning sunshine in this beautiful valley.

[38:32]

My mind is busy replaying an old tape. What is it to open the door of liberation in that moment? What kind of expression of radical honesty? What kind of expression of effort? Each of us is challenged to look at this process that's going on inside of us and discover opens the door of liberation.

[39:38]

What does that phrase even mean? Does it mean on a sensory level, what is it that the body softens and receives the inhale? Does it mean that in the way the mind contracts in its conceptualizing, that that softens? Does it mean that, yes, those emotions have a deep story to tell about my experience of being alive, but not the whole story.

[40:42]

Can the world be forgiven? Can the self be forgiven for feeling what it feels? This is our inquiry. So when I say immersion in a subjective reality, that's what I'm trying to talk about. I'd offer you this cognitive framing that when something arises, oh, that person, this is the version of that person i'm creating right now that blue jay this is the version of blue jay that i'm creating right now and in a moment i will create something else

[42:07]

Maybe it'll be more influenced by past karma, past conditioning. Maybe it will seem to arise strongly in relationship to what arises in the moment, what are entered through to the senses in that moment. Own it. Own everything. subjective influence is very powerful. When we own it, and especially when we're in the throes of discovering, you know, opening, then each

[43:26]

Subjective as it is, it can be a finger pointing at the moon of opening. Oh, this. Each experience can be Shakyamuni holding up a flower. He wasn't saying, this is the only flower that expresses the suchness of what is. And I would suggest to you that it helps us to start with the subjective. It helps us to reflect on what kind of attitude do I deflect it into my considerations of others.

[44:49]

Well, I'd be fully enlightened except for that person who sits beside me and moves during the interval. If I didn't do that, I think I would have attained Anyatara Samyak Sambodhi. In fact, I'm almost certain I would have. What an amazing thing to have a human mind. To own our own subjectivity. That thought makes me think of a great witticism of

[45:52]

Oscar Wilde, when asked at customs, did he have anything to declare? And he said, only my genius. I think we're all kind of genius when it comes to conjuring out reality. And yet, it's no fun being a heroin addict. It's not a glamorous, admirable situation. It's not a life decision that we should all aspire to. The ways in which we cling, the ways in which we conquer,

[46:52]

the ways in which we agitate and distress ourselves and each other. Yeah. But all I'm saying is, please consider, rather than letting that be your contemplation, the endlessness of suffering, please consider the possibility of liberation, the efficacy of benevolence towards yourself and towards others. while you're at it, be present for the inhale.

[48:16]

Since the time of Shakyamuni, and probably before Shakyamuni, awareness of breath has been considered a very effective and potent practice. Thank you. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered free of charge and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfzc.org and click Giving.

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