This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Yesterday I mentioned this image that I heard many times in Thailand of shape-shifting. Never occurred to me at the time to wonder what was so provocative or interesting about it or significant about it that constantly

[01:10]

And the lore that would grow up around him and the teachers was, and he could shapeshift. And then in the workings of my own mundane mind, I thought, but we all shapeshift all the time. Those moments of directed attention, of some kind of intensity of doing, that sense of contraction, you know? Often hovering in the air of Shashin, you know? Stay in the zone so that you can... summon your energy, your effort, your dedication. And in those delightful moments of expansion, sometimes unexpected gifts, and sometimes, interestingly, the product of

[02:36]

excitement or anticipation. There are this many periods of zazen left, and after that I'll be free. And in the mind's delight, it creates whatever freedom enables. the shape we fall into or become when our mind gets caught up in some sense of self something that you'd rather not think about but that makes it all the more alluring oh that terrible thing I should not think about that here I go

[03:47]

you just stay with the inhale and exhale but in between that subject arises so many senses of self moments of concentration moments of of uncomfortable intensity. Even the body, which seems in our ordinary state of being, whatever that is, to be so identifiable. As we immerse in the being of Sushin, in the interbeing of Sushin, it expands, it contracts, with its pains and unsettledness.

[05:06]

And then occasionally it delights us as we feel the warm sun on our back. Our walk freely after sitting for so long. And then how as we continue to practice the notion of breaking Sashin in the moments of success or moments of failure, of grading higher and lower, it doesn't make so much sense. Below the level of thinking, the sensibility of interbeing, All these states of being are the human condition.

[06:21]

That strange story. In the womb until 60. You are in womb. the workings of our conditioned existence as we individuate it. And then in the very same existence, the capacity to open. No inside, no outside. to experience shunyata. There is no fixed self-referencing, no solid self and other, and just this interplay of interbeing.

[07:30]

You know, sometimes just plain old mystifies us. We don't have the references, the terms, the concepts to kind of map out that new territory. And then what is this flow of being? was saying that Shashin has no beginning or no end you know there's just this constant interplay of existence which in the middle of Shashin I think sounds plausible to all of us yeah got it but then something as tangible as hmm this would be the last day Shashin on that

[08:42]

It takes hold, you know. It colors the mind. It can even stimulate heart consciousness. It can affect the physicality, the physiology of physical beings. through it all we can see that it's not possible to go outside into being this is our element and yet it has endless shapes and forms and it has no boundary and within it

[09:52]

construct. We craft it, we shape it. We give it some sense of space and some sense of time. And when Dogen talked about this in Uiji, existence, time, being, time, he started off by quoting Yakuza which I meant to bring, I forgot. Just as I got to the foot of the bow and mad, I thought, uh-oh. Now I can't even remember if I did the Gesho bow or not. The great gift of the form, you know. Oh, yes, I'm present. Oh, well, then, did you do that or did you? Well, I was present with Yaku-san.

[10:53]

but not present with the barma. And then he puts forward these different images, you know, because when we get into this sense of the subjective in its many shape-shiftings, in its many manifestations, you know, and we see that the usual mind for whom the storyline is the whole story. As we settle in and we see the nature of mind, we see what this storyline conjures up, what conjures up this storyline. That how we're directing our effort creates a shape, creates a disposition. Interbeing has many contributing factors.

[11:56]

And so Yakuza just lists several. Sometimes sitting on the peak. Sometimes that sitting upright dedicated to just this is it. Just the sign of the plane flying overhead. Just creating the concept of the plane flying overhead. A plane of space, of here and there. Just this is it. And then the next image is sitting on the bottom of the ocean, immersed.

[13:09]

There's seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, touching. There's the array of associated thoughts, images, sense of shape. time, space. And there's a response to all of that. Not merely carried over from the past and not merely arising now. This interbeing is vast and multifaceted. Sitting in the midst. receptive awareness. And Dogen Zenji says, oh, GGU's am I. Just engaging and enjoying its flow.

[14:20]

But if you overlay on that, psychological process of a human being, our defense mechanisms. How we avoid, deny, suppress, project, compartmentalize, to name but a few. Why do we get up to such mischief? Because something in us is endeavoring to create what should be happening in contrast to this tawdry, what is happening. And then Dogen says, enjoy.

[15:26]

Really? Enjoy? I started the Shashin with Yon Man's. Every day is a good day. And I suspect in the Shashin, every one of us had our moments. some more than others maybe some longer than others where that enjoy that in being enjoy that engaging the vital energy of being arose and all that both the celebration and the resistance sitting in the bottom of the ocean.

[16:27]

How it's both a fierce request and such a generous permission. In that intriguing way, both of them are needed to create the gas show of sitting on the bottom of the ocean. If we just reenact our defense mechanisms, there's no contact. And with no contact, there's no experience. And with no experience, there's no realization. no realization of what is. We're just swimming around in our own conjured up thoughts.

[17:40]

And then Yakuza adds some imagery from Buddhism. He says, the three-headed, eight-limbed being temple guardian. Usually has a fierce look. That's sila. Sila, shila, shield. Shielding awareness from the preoccupations that can arise, that dissipate it, dissipate its energy, its attention, its involvement. And how each of us has our own relationship.

[18:56]

In our sincerity, do we vow to the discipline? Or do we rebel? Don't tell me what to do. Do we sit till our knee goes numb? Or do we... preemptively move to a chair just in case that might happen. And how it's always inviting us to discover appropriate response. It's always inviting us to see if the mind becomes rigid,

[20:02]

sort of blinded by its own fixed ideas and can't quite capture the deep request of the moment or can't quite relate to it. And then Yakuza says, the 16-foot golden Buddha. Practicing perfectly. What would it look like? What would it feel like? What would it be? In some ways a silly question, right? But then in another way, is there some idealized form that's guiding your effort, your attention? Is there some idealized form that establishes your notion of success and failure, right and wrong.

[21:12]

Sometimes we see it more clearly when we find ourselves judging someone else. Look at the way they're doing that. That's not the way to serve. And sometimes we're working on a very specific detail. When you're serving, you should hold the ladle down here so you have more wrist movement. When you hold it up here, you don't have so much control. A 16-foot golden Buddha would hold it down here. A mere six-foot Buddha or five-foot Buddha would probably hold it at the top. Some marks for effort.

[22:24]

And then Dogen says, all these shapes and shifts of the way. And then I added some of my own dreams. Facing the cliff of impossibility. I can't sit with this pain for another moment. It's impossible. And then we, as we stay on that edge we see that play and what the mind says and the feelings and what the body says and we realize it's all the play of interbeing and whether the mind says keep doing it and the body says no the other way round or the breath intercedes and says one more breath beyond success and failure that interplay you know meet the impossible and discover

[24:02]

impossible and possible stepping from a hundred-foot cliff what's next seems utterly obvious the only problem is if I take that step I'll be destroyed the mind of awareness the whole proposition shimmers the particulars of the content of course they're relevant but this pattern of existence

[25:22]

that has arisen 10,000 times in my life. To discover just now how to relate to it. Does a self assert itself and say, always like this it has to be like this or does the intensity of the moment turn the self this is what it is I have this response to it I have these ideas about it but this is what it is and what is that sound and ground squirrels dancing on the roof and this shape-shifting it's like it's it's like kneading us you know like the way dough is kneaded bread dough you know it's like

[26:56]

Something in our being wants to say, I'm this. I'm solid, I'm permanent, and I'm like this. And then these experiences, they move us, they shape us, they undo us, they put us together in a different way. And it's like Whitman's, I am a multitude. I am a multitude. There's a me that swirls in the chanting of the kanzaya. There's a me that wakes up in the early morning and is early morning body. There's a me

[28:00]

the cold air there's a me shaped by the warm Sun and we're needed like bread dough and then in the intensity of being in the intensity of experiencing and connecting something cooks In that cooking, we discover how to trust practice. If our practice is defined by what we should or what we shouldn't do, or by what we will accomplish or how we'll fail, we're just staying within the boundaries of preconceived ideas.

[29:04]

But when the intensity of being, the intensity of interbeing cooks us, we're reborn. Or maybe we're born for the first time. We leave the cocoon. There's one image in Zen where the mother hen is pecking on the shell. And the chick is pecking from the inside. Both enabling. The world is pecking on our shell. And we're pecking from the inside. On a good day. Other days where we got the superglue and we're gluing it all back together. Stop making that. Stop doing that.

[30:06]

You're frightening me. It's often the so-called last step machine, you know? as its own shape-shifting to offer, you know. The endless passage of certain moments in Shashini. And I seem like brief instances, you know. And then at another time, seems like a vast chasm between where we started seven days ago and where we are now. And how wonderful the mind can't make sense of it.

[31:23]

How can it be so short and so wide at the same time? How can it have flow interspersed or interjected with moments of timelessness? This great coin of being alive. And it helps us make sense of the vast array of the structure, the practices, the techniques of our practice, the images that are presented that occur within us.

[32:38]

As we engage in this way, even our own struggling and resisting has its place. As we're searching for the balance of being. And hopefully within all that, we can realize The heart of practice. And I would say it's very helpful for us to remember that the word shin, in a more accurate translation, is heart-mind than mind. It's both the heart and the mind. It's both citta and riddhaya.

[33:42]

It includes them both. We realize the heart-mind of practice. And that the dedication that's asked of us can come freely, not in those solemn moments of determination, but in all sorts of moments. And that it doesn't exclude, you know, wonder, amusement at ourselves and each other. Or gratitude, appreciation, or kindness or patience. That our dedication from this place of interbeing

[34:50]

not only allows but enables all of those. That crafts within us a way of practice we can trust. That we can craft for ourselves without quite knowing how. practice that's inviting. It doesn't require overcoming our hesitation or resistance. And through the strange workings of my mind that connects to this poem. and I'll try a numerical association with this thought.

[35:52]

Remember, Harashiba was in wound for 60 years. I didn't know I loved so many things, and I had to wait until 60 to find out. I didn't know I loved so many things, and I had to wait until 60 to find out. Sitting by the window, of the Prague Berlin train, watching the world disappear as if on a journey of no return. It's a poem by Nassim Ahmed, which I'm gonna read little snippets. It's a long poem. Things I didn't know I loved. 1962 March 28th sitting at the window of the Prague Berlin train night is falling I never knew I liked night descending like a tired bird on the smoky wet plain I didn't like comparing nightfall to a tired bird here I've loved rivers all this time

[37:19]

where they're motionless, like this, they curl around skirting the hills of the European hills crowned with chateaus, or where they're stretched out flat as far as the eye can see. I didn't know I loved the sky, cloudy or clear. I never knew I loved roads, even the asphalt kind. Vera's behind the wheel, and we're driving from Moscow to the Crimea. I just remembered the stars. I love them too. Whether I'm forward, watching them from below, or whether I'm flying at their side. I never knew I loved the sun. Even when setting cherry red is now in Istanbul too, it sometimes appears set in postcard colors. but you aren't about to paint it that way.

[38:20]

I didn't know I liked the rain, whether it falls like a fine net or splatters against the glass of my heart, leaving me tangled up in a net and trapped inside a drop and takes off for uncharted countries I didn't know I loved. I loved the rain, but why did I suddenly discover all of these passions sitting by the window of the Prague Berlin train. The train plunges on through the pitch black night. I never knew I loved the pitch black night. Sparks fly from the engine. I didn't know I loved sparks. I didn't know I loved so many things, and I had to wait until 60 to find out, sitting at the window of the Prague Berlin train. watching the world disappear as if on a journey of no return.

[39:24]

A journey of no return. Life goes forward. It doesn't... offer us the option of going backwards so called after shashin doesn't really offer the option of going back to the way things were but if you think about it it's more fun this way these more interesting new things awaiting us, taking birth inside of us, inviting us to greater being. And for us,

[40:46]

in our clarity and unclarity that's arisen in the intensity of sasin. To take with us vridha, that consciousness that learns from the experience of practice. Not so much as a set of ideas, as a set of do's and don'ts, shoulds and shouldn'ts. Maybe we can say it's a practice, it's an experiential process and we've learned something about that. Often our learnings are quite modest. We learn something like abdomens released the mind can release when I don't have that contraction of self-criticism in relationship to the negative emotion

[42:15]

something about compassion is glimpsed. That in making contact with an experience, even directed attention is more about surrender than dominance. And in that act of love, the self is forgotten. Maybe we learn that even in this fierce demand made of me, it sometimes feels like it's just too much.

[43:21]

Somehow the mind thrives. Somehow its long list of things to complain about grows shorter. What becomes less important than the clattering sign on the tin roof. and maybe citta wants to bundle these bits and pieces of realization and write a thesis on them so be it it might be helpful let's hope that in the process we don't forget

[44:36]

Each of these bits and pieces is its own precious occurrence. It's not contingent upon some embellishment. That it offers its own Dharma Gate, its own glimpse of realization and awakening. And it's not so distant from this ordinary mind that when we look at is anything but ordinary. Equally amazing in its foolishness as it is in its wisdom. And maybe Yunmin's comment

[45:47]

Every day is a good day. Isn't so absurd. Or isn't some distant Buddha that we should go on a long track to sit at the feet of. And maybe it's this day. Maybe it's this moment. So the Vreda Akshashin has its own teaching, but in a way, it's We leave the womb to receive the teaching.

[46:58]

The womb's already cried, and if we try to bring the teaching in, it's probably not going to fit. Probably better if we glide, where there's bindless space. and timeless time. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered free of charge, and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit SSCC.org and click giving.

[47:42]

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