This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning. As I mentioned yesterday, I'm going to talk about Part of the talk today will be about our Sajiki ceremony of the day after the personal day. And I was thinking this morning that knowing something about what a ceremony is, what's it commemorating, what it's... addressing is useful for us to have a feeling for the ceremony that we're participating in.

[01:04]

So I've given a talk talking about this ceremony many times, and it reminded me of a professor at the University of Minnesota in the astronomy department, very, very popular. You could take introduction to astronomy as a freshman, and he was quite theatrical. Every year he gave, it was called the Christmas Lecture, and it was about the star that the wise men saw when the baby Jesus was born. From an astronomy point of view, what was happening, and the lecture hall would just be packed, you know, because you could audit it, and it was this famous lecture that he gave every year. And I thought, oh, this is the famous yearly lecture. Sajiki Ceremony Lecture, which we're going to offer today. And the lecture hall is packed. But before I talk about that, I wanted to go back to something that I said in an exchange with Kogan about when we were two days ago.

[02:23]

talking about the one being and that nothing can be killed. From the point of view of one being, where would anything else go? So that particular teaching is a teaching that is not to be offered lightly, loosely, cavalierly, and I was picturing this being on the web, because I don't know if these lectures are posted, but to hear that without a grounding in precepts and the teaching and the conventional world of practicing with one another can be very dangerous, I think, and has been used in... in the world for nefarious purposes, using Buddha Dharma and those kinds of teachings to actually not follow precepts or support killing.

[03:33]

So I just wanted to say that I don't want any misunderstandings about that teaching And in fact, skill and means, I was reading that really skill and means can only be accomplished by Buddhists and bodhisattvas who are thoroughly practicing precepts. That's because to call something, well, that was just skillful when actually it was for one's own gratification or self. rather than for the other person. There have to be the, you know, sila, prajna, and samadhi, the perfection of ethics and wisdom and concentration. There's a book, maybe some of you have read, I actually haven't been able to read the whole thing, called Zen.

[04:42]

at War by Brian Victoria. It's been out for quite a while, but it revealed the way in which Buddha Dharma was used by various Zen masters from the Meiji period through World War II to support militarism and fanatical, suicidal militarism. And so Zen was used as a foundation for these, not by all Zen masters. There were others who opposed the war. But you read these quotes, you know, that conflate killing and the highest wisdom and these kinds of things. It's quite disturbing. And I think that book had a huge effect on the Buddhist world. In Japan, I think apologies from the Soto Shu, the that came out in these last years apologizing for the role that Buddhism played or teachers played in the war, but using Buddha Dharma in this way.

[05:53]

So I just wanted to return to that just to make it as clear as possible that those teachings can be distorted and used for purposes other than awakening sentient beings. I also was reminded of something that happened to me in the same vein around precepts and the understanding of the skill and means as maybe not being is a... ethical or not ethical. I was at a conference, a Buddhist conference, that had Tibetan and Vipassana people, Zen people, and it was like a three-day conference and there were different tracks that you could sign up for.

[06:56]

And I signed up for, I think I had recently been at Tassar, and I thought, well, I'll sign up for monasticism. I was really interested in that, what people, how they practice in their monastery in different forms, and that seemed like a good one for me. So I went to that room where people were gathered, and there were, I think, completely, the only people that were there were those who had received full ordination had taken 250 or more precepts and were practicing as a monk or a nun, celibate practice, and very, you know, not eating after 12, these kinds of things. So I came, you know, kind of raring to go and talk about these things, and I'm sitting there, and I noticed, like, I sort of, picked up on the energy like nobody was looking at me or making conversation.

[08:01]

I felt like maybe I wasn't welcome or something in this room. I couldn't figure it out and nobody was saying anything. And it was a palpable feeling, no eye contact. So finally, someone who I really respect very, very much, Karma Lakshet Somo. Some of you know her. She's Tibetan-American. She was from L.A., teaches at UCLA now, or San Diego, I can't remember. Fully ordained, taken. She's a Tibetan practitioner, but was fully ordained in China, I think. Full nuns ordination. Anyway, kind of a neat person. She used to ride motorcycle. Anyway, so she ventured to say something to me.

[09:02]

Or I might have said, am I not supposed to be here? I think maybe I broached it because it was so obvious and they weren't beginning the meeting. And she, everybody kind of looked down and finally she said, we don't understand what your precepts are. You're welcome here, except we don't understand what are your precepts. And so it was like, what are you practicing? And I realized this wide path that we have with our 16 Bodhisattva precepts, and the non-literal, or sometimes literal, and sometimes you break the precept out of compassion, these kinds of things, which are how we practice with these, seem to not be well understood in, I shouldn't generalize to say the Buddhist world, but in that group, there was, we don't really...

[10:21]

know how you're practicing. And I think it was this kind of thing, this wide, wide interpretation that can be suspect, I guess, or has been misused, maybe. So are this lineage in Japanese Zen Buddhist practices an anomaly in a certain way in the Buddhist world because there's a married priesthood, or the possibility of marriage or coupledom. We don't take vows of celibacy, or you might, individually with your teacher, decide that that's the best path for you. But I did, for the first time, have this sense of, oh, it's not well understood, and there can be confusion, and therefore... are you part of this monasticism conversation or not? Most of the conversation ended up being about celibacy actually was kind of what the issues and how they were working with it.

[11:29]

So that was helpful for me to hear. Anyway, I just wanted to bring those two points up and to caution us against some anything goes. It's all empty attitude, which we can perhaps take up. And it's all one. And this is not cavalier. This is This teaching is so fundamental that we have to be impeccable how we live our lives to truly express it. Okay.

[12:32]

So, Sajiki ceremony was first introduced to Zen Center. It's an elaborate ceremony. It has a lot of different parts to it. And Chino Roshi, who was invited by Suzuki Roshi to help take care of Zen Center and teach here, Chino Sensei, he was called originally when he first came, and Chino Roshi, after Suzuki Roshi died, introduced this ceremony to us and helped us with it. And Chino Roshi was very, very... well-versed and well-trained in the esoteric parts of Zen ceremony and ritual. Gina Roshi died a very tragic death a number of years ago, which some of you know about, trying to save his daughter from drowning, and he drowned with her.

[13:39]

So he introduced this after Suzuki Roshi died in conjunction with the memorial service for Suzuki Roshi because, as I said yesterday, they're done in conjunction. There's these two aspects. And Chino Roshi, in these notes from him, felt that this ceremony was very important for people who grew up in the West with Western ethos and because there's a tendency to not deal with death and dying, to kind of avoid and push away things that are uncomfortable, things that are hard to face. There's aversion and just I'm doing my thing, just get away, and I won't think about you.

[14:46]

I think he felt there was a tendency to not face directly the negative things in our life, both externally and internally. And this ceremony puts those energies front and center, and not only do we call, you know, name it, but we then... make offerings and honor those energies and parts of ourselves and others and the world that are hard to face, hard to accept, hard to let in. So the word Sajiki, the S-E part means offering, and Jiki means food, and the We used to call it sagaki, which was feeding, let's say, as food, the gaki, or the hungry ghosts.

[15:48]

And I think most of us, or many of us, are familiar with the six realms that we mention every day in our, you know, may all in the six realms be nourished. The six realms, there's the heavenly realms, the asuras, or kind of competitive realms, super men and women realm, and the human realm. Those are the three positive realms. And then there's the realms of animals, hell realms, and hungry ghosts. So these are the six realms that beings on the wheel of life go through, move through. And you can think of this very literally, If you want to, if that works for you or is helpful for you, I think it is for probably millions of people.

[16:48]

Think of it more literally. Or we can think of it as just throughout the day, you know, I'm in hell realms with my knees and flies all over me and I can't stand it. And then the bell rings and I move and I go serve lunch and I'm very happy. And then... You know, I want to be the best server on my team and I'm in the Azura realm and competing with my crew members to be the first one out to run the towels. Let me run the towels because I do them better than anybody. And then there's fear that we have to run the towels. You know, that's the animal realm, supposedly. And then there's... And all throughout the day, we're going through all these realms all the time. So we can think of it in one day or moment or an hour. And then there's psychological states where we can be depressed and in a hell realm for months.

[17:55]

So there's many, many ways to think of the realms. And they're like archetypes. I think of them as archetypes that have meaning for us, that can illuminate our lives and also engender compassion when we see someone suffering with some terrible disease and unable to, you know, be calm. are the hungry ghosts. And the hungry ghosts, do you all know what a hungry ghost looks like in the iconography? Yes? No? Who doesn't know what a hungry ghost looks like? So when this teaching was pictorially offered in this Wheel of Life, you can see the hungry ghosts, they look like...

[19:00]

When you see pictures of starving people, the beings have a big distended belly and a little tiny neck, and they don't look happy. And hungry ghosts cannot receive nourishment, even though they're given nourishment. Whatever they take in through their tiny throat turns into unedible things, fire and other terrible things. Even though delicious things are being offered them, it's like being surrounded by water and not a drop to drink, or surrounded by love and unable to feel it or to... You can hear the words, but it does not come in. And this is a very painful state to be in. This is named as one of the realms. And along with... hungry ghost, this sort of image is they're trying to get satisfied in any way they can.

[20:10]

They keep trying over and over, and it doesn't work, or the substances are not good for them. And this, you know, for in some ways, all of us are in recovery. For people in recovery, but you don't have to be literally and formally in recovery. This We're familiar with this, trying to be satisfied and fill the void inside us, the empty spot by all sorts of means. Food and relationships and entertainment and something, anything to make it go away, that feeling, and nothing works. It just comes back, maybe even with more problems. So this is this state of body-mind, hungry ghost. And the sei is offering food to what used to be gaki, but that term gaki, just in recent history in Japan, is now a term used for homeless people.

[21:16]

And so there was a change from soto, actually, in Japan to not use the... name of the ceremony anymore is sagaki, but because of this conflation of this slang term, I think, for homeless beings. So it's now food offering, sajjiki. So this particular ceremony, which we do, comes out of two strands of ceremonies from the Buddhist time. And one of them is the Buddha's close Jisha and cousin Ananda had this kind of visitation, either a visualization or a dream or something of a hungry ghost came to him, either in Sazhen or

[22:21]

while he was sleeping or something, and it was the burning-faced demon, is what he called it. And this burning-faced demon, these are teaching stories, said to Ananda, in three days, you're going to die, and you're going to become a hungry ghost. Just want to let you know. And Ananda was very frightened and went to the Buddha and told him about this dream and this visualization. and asked, what can I do, Buddha? What can I do to help myself? And Shakyamuni Buddha said, in a previous life, Kansaon, you know, Kanaon Bodhisattva, the Bodhisattva of Infinite Compassion, taught me a ceremony to do that will help with this. So we will do this ceremony. It's an esoteric ceremony called Siddhiki Ceremony. I love these stories. And if you do this, you'll be relieved of your fear and also of your greed and your stinginess.

[23:35]

And you have to do these mantras and, you know, and Ananda said, great, you know, I'll be happy to do it and did this ceremony. And, you know, in our... Gate of Sweet Dew, we say, you know, homage to the Buddhists in the Ten Directions, homage to the great beneficent reliever of suffering, Avalokiteshvara Bodhisattva. And this is hearkening back to this ceremony was given to the Buddha by Kansa Yon. by Avalokiteshvara. And then it says, and to Ananda, the expounder of the teachings, the venerable Ananda, right? So in our gate of sweet dew, we recognize that Ananda, Avalokiteshvara were involved in bringing this ceremony for us to help us with our own holding back and not wanting to share and our greed and these states of mind to make offerings, to make offerings

[24:45]

So we say that, and it's just... So when we do it on 4 and 9 Day Tomorrow, we also feed, you know, opening wide all throats. It's because these hungry ghosts have such teeny throats. We say opening wide all throats. So we all understand a little bit more what it is we're saying or alluding to. So the other kind of origin of this, oh, the other thing about this Ananda and this burning face demon, I actually, I have this note here from my Christmas lecture, that who was that demon that came and visited Ananda? Could it have been Avalokiteshvara who takes

[25:46]

any shape or any form to help beings, a kind of skillful means. I'm going to go scare Ananda, kind of trick-or-treat. Scare Ananda so that he will open to giving and offering and allowing this connection with those things that you don't want to think about. So this is, we can ponder that. Who was that burning-faced demon in the story? The other origin, so there's these two kind of two streams, is the Buddha's, one of the Arhats, one of the Buddha's close disciples, Moggalyana, who was foremost in psychic powers. A number of the Arhats were foremost. Shariputta was foremost in wisdom, foremost in different things, in practicing precepts, foremost. So Moggalyana, Maha Moggalyana,

[26:47]

was foremost in psychic powers. And after his mother died, he had a kind of vision of the state that his mother was in, which is a great deal of suffering in hell, and in a very particular hell, which I feel like you're so open during session. I don't even want to tell you about it. Anyway, it was a particular hell that was very uncomfortable. And he couldn't bear it that his mother was experiencing this. And he also went to the Buddha and said, can't I do something? I want to do something for my mother. Which often, for all of us, there's some person that we want to or wish we could help or save or do something for, and we have no way. We don't. We can't, or they've already died, or they're already too far gone, and we can't help them.

[27:49]

So the Buddha said, you can't do it on your own. You can't just with your own power help her. You need the entire sangha to help you. And the Buddha said on the last day of the summer retreat, which was their summer ango, their summer practice period, Make offerings to the monks on this day. Make a food offering to the monks. And dedicate it to your mother. Dedicate it to her memory, to her name. Now, at this time, the monks and nuns were doing their... I'm not sure exactly... it may be that the practice period ends at the full moon, maybe starts on the full moon and ends on the full moon, because the monks and nuns were doing their full moon, new and full moon ceremony, where the origins of our full moon ceremony, which is an abbreviated version of this, is the ceremony during Buddhist time and also pre-Buddhist, where the monks and nuns, or pre-Buddhist, the religious, would gather on the new and full moon

[29:02]

And in Buddha's time, they would hear teachings of the Buddha or other teachers probably too. And then it became, you know, who gets to hear the teachings? Sort of like who gets to go to the breakout conference group about monasticism? Are we all on the same page here? Are we all practicing the same? So there would be big gatherings and... They weren't sure everyone was practicing in the same way, so they began to recite the precepts. And if you had not been practicing the precepts, you avowed that. And also, if you didn't avow it, your fellow practitioners were encouraged to say, brother or sister so-and-so did not practice this. So you helped your friend. your Dharma friend by saying, you know, letting the Sangha know that your friend also didn't practice something.

[30:07]

So I imagine there was, you can imagine that there was, maybe that didn't go so smoothly, but anyway, this was the practice to avow your own, so that by the end, everybody was on the same page who was in the group, and then the teachings would proceed. So this is the origin of our full moon ceremony, confessing and repenting, you know, at the beginning, all my ancient twisted karma, and then reciting the precepts at the end. So they were all there gathering to confess transgressions and so forth. And this, which is an avowing of one's karma, right? Ancient twisted karma. And in our tradition, There isn't like a guilty mea culpa. Oh, I'm a terrible person. Oh, it's I did these things. They are not in alignment with how I want to live my life.

[31:11]

And I fully acknowledge this, accept this, avow this. And I make a fresh commitment to now practice again the way I really want to practice. So that's the process. You fully avow. And in that, re-commit. Every morning we do it. There's another word besides commit, which is escaping me. We vow again. It'll come to me. And this is daily, you know, this is a daily practice, rather than guilt and, oh, I'm such a terrible person, and it's a big drain on energy, it's spinning our wheels, it doesn't help anybody or us, and it's a little, it tends to be, oh, look at me, how horrible I am, which is a kind of ego-y thing anyway.

[32:20]

So we just, it's very clean, you know, I avow this, These are my actions. I see it, and I decide that I don't want to do that anymore. So there's not a guilt thing in there. So the connection between kind of avowing our karma and also personal and also including our karma that may be connected with people who have died or who we have unfinished karma with. We never could make amends. It's actually still we have remorse maybe about something. It plagues us. It weighs on us. And this ceremony is a chance to bring up maybe those names, to remember those people, to remember those unfinished, restive, disquieting,

[33:22]

emotions that we have about both things we have done or said, our own karma, and in relationship to others. So the ceremony includes this memorial service where we bring up names of people, we can submit the names, and also we offer this, we are willing to look at this, bring it into the forefront, and make offerings out of compassion and kindness. The ceremony has so many levels to it, really. So many layers. So this... Mogdalyana, the Buddha's saying, you can't do it alone. You need the entire sangha. So all the sangha... joints.

[34:25]

And I think that teaching of, we often think I want to go it alone. I don't need help from anybody. Asking for help shows I don't have what it takes or I'm weak or it's embarrassing or whatever. But to actually admit I need others to walk the path and to settle the great matter and I need others as part of the conditions for my liberation. This is why sangha is jewel. I can't just go it alone. I need others, and others need me. So this time of the ceremony is a chance to both thank, because the names that we read, you know, Many teachers, usually the last name in the list for the memorial is Suzuki Roshi.

[35:28]

So there's many teachers who have died and also people in particular who you want to thank, you want to remember, or that you have some unfinished, some quality of unfinished business with something you don't want to look at. Just that you... kind of kept out of consciousness successfully or unsuccessfully. So a time to give thanks for the teachings of those beings who we remember and also bring into consciousness and then maybe let go of the ones that, you know, we feel, so there's ones that We also are still attached to and clinging to beings or events or things. Can we let go of that?

[36:30]

Because those things plague us and come up over and over, and energetically we turn towards these kinds of things that we're unable to let go of. And let go of people we love who have died, and whatever form they're taking, so be it. And thank them. And offer our forgiveness. So this is a chance, perhaps not premature forgiveness, but to realize, maybe you realize I do forgive someone who Because you see that it was through causes and conditions that they suffered in that way and acted in that way. We have an insight into that. So can I let go, forgive, and make these offerings of kindness and compassion?

[37:34]

So in doing this... we also let go of our own, what we're holding onto and clinging to. And it's a kind of deepening of our karmic, you know, avowing our own karma. So Moggalyana, after seeing, you know, this image of his beloved mother, and he made a vow to enter hell, enter the hell realms, and train beings or teach beings that were there. And what he said was, if I don't do it, who else will do it? I'll do it. This is a very, to me, even though Mogdalena was not

[38:45]

in the old wisdom school, Orthodox Buddhism was an arhat and not a bodhisattva. To me, this is bodhisattva vow here. I will go. I'll go into those realms. And many of you have gone into realms of great suffering and been willing. With that attitude, kind of like, if not me, who? Someone's got to do it and I'm willing. and I'm going to do it. And this can happen, you know, in a small scale at the bedside of someone who's in great pain and suffering where other people can't handle it, and you just sit there. Or working with populations that seem to be forgotten by society, as someone said in their way-seeking mind talk, or these difficult realms. And we have to be careful that it's not over our head, where we ourselves are confused and lost and unable to function.

[39:51]

That doesn't help anyone. But if we're ready and feel called, you know, I'll go. In particular, just to say again, in particular this ceremony is honoring, caring for, offering, acknowledging this energy of suffering that we know of through our own lives and through the life of being in contact with others.

[40:54]

And so the ceremonies, we make a beautiful altar. It's colorful. There's delicious things to eat on the altar. And we chant, and we offer, actually, the food, regular human food, in the archetype story, in the stories, can't be... but we symbolically make food and offer this food. And also the food that actually is taken in is the food of the Dharma. So we chant the teachings and we offer that. And also it's said that the hungry ghosts are drawn by the sounds and there's very particular soundscapes that's created through instruments that we don't use in that particular way at other times.

[41:55]

And the doshi, the leader of the ceremony in the notes from Chinaroshi, is said that you dress up like Vairochana Buddha. Vairochana Buddha is the Dharmakaya Buddha, of the three bodies of Buddha. Dharmakaya and Sambhogakaya. And Nirvanakaya, the Dharmakaya is the reality body of the Buddha, personified by Vairo, Jana, Buddha, pure Dharmakaya. And the first time the ceremony was performed, Richard Baker wore Suzuki Roshi's brocade, I guess it wasn't Oquesa, but it looked like this cape of some sort. Oh, I know why, because Suzuki Hiroshi was very short, and Richard Baker was very tall, so it was very short. This brocade Oquesa came down, you know, not very far. So it was, actually, I just realized that it was like this cape and this peaked brocaded hat, kind of like you see Tibetan llamas wear, you know, sometimes they have, but anyway, this was with a,

[43:09]

kind of, you know, like those REI hats that have like shade things that go down and cover your neck for a bicycle trip or something. It was like brocaded pointing thing and then hanging down. It was a sight to be seen, you know. And we were, you know, we hadn't been doing this. We had never done the ceremony when he came in wearing this outfit, you know. Plus, you create a whole new altar, not the regular altar, so we'll create the altar here, which is an unusual spot to have the altar, with our back to the regular altar. And this altar, our regular one, is darkened, no lights on it, no candle, no nothing, and you're standing there with your back. So it's like topsy-turvy, you know, relating to this whole new altar, to relate to those... Parts of ourselves and parts of our life together that are forgotten, unacknowledged, not honored, not brought to the fore.

[44:15]

This ceremony does what we don't usually do. And we all do it together. And, you know, it comes at a time of the year in the northern hemisphere. where it's, and there's ceremonies like this all over at this time of year where it is said in Samhain, you know, which was Celtic, I think, and Day of the Dead is around this time, right? So the Christian All Saints Day came at these ceremonies that were already in place in the pagan or Wiccan church. other traditions this time of the year, so it's said, this is how it's described, the veil of the two worlds between living and dead gets very, very thin. Now what that means, I have no idea, really.

[45:16]

But in these different cultures at this time of year, what happens at this time of year? The light, you know, there's more darkness than light each day. The colds are coming in many countries, I don't know in Mexico what happens at this time if it gets particularly colder. But anyway, the light is waning. There's fear that arises. The crops are in, and this is all we've got to last. The winter, you can imagine, in the northern hemisphere, this time is a time of unsettledness and anxiety and scarcity mode, maybe. So these ceremonies that acknowledge this in some way ritually is a very human activity. In the tea ceremony, the summer kettle is now replaced by the sunken row, the tatami mats.

[46:24]

There's a deep... an opening in the tatami and the kettle, the fire is made and the kettle is sunken and everybody comes closer in tea ceremony, you nestle closely to the fire, you cozy up because it's scary out there, you know, it's a scary world. So I think Chino Roshi, you know, in probably American culture, You know, there was, it was all, the lights are on all the time. You know, you've got street lights, and I recently did this year-long contemplative care program with Jennifer Block, and she did a day-long, which, kind of a field trip called Where Are the Dead in San Francisco? There are no dead. You know, you don't see them. She took us, I didn't go, but the group went. to the hospital, and there's gurneys, special gurneys in hospital that have like a false bottom.

[47:29]

So you have, it looks like the nurse is pushing just an empty gurney. We're going out into the elevator now. Underneath the gurney is a false bottom where the person who's just died happens to be. But no one should know, no one should see, and they're taken to the morgue. You know, this is... they're whisked away or they die somewhere in the hospital. I think this is changing, but what used to be human activity and understanding and part of our life and death cycle has gotten very obscured in a way that isn't really that healthy. I think perhaps his emphasis on this ceremony being good for at least the sangha that he was participating with in this Zen center, because we've lost that connection, just natural connection with all the parts of our life, you know.

[48:39]

We get hidden. So... those are the main points that I wanted to bring up. Also, before the Sajiki ceremony, I recall, I can't help but recall people I've known who committed suicide young, like in high school, when I was in high school, or these stories that we hear of young people who've been bullied and take their own life and all the people. It's the anniversary of the 89 earthquake in San Francisco that I remember very, very vividly and the people who lost their lives in that and Katrina and Sandy, Hurricane Sandy.

[49:53]

So each of you have, and the tsunami, the incredible devastation of the tsunami in Japan just a couple years ago, and people who weren't able to save themselves or get out of their apartments or all that energy. We don't want to think about it. We put it out of our mind. And it's not to be labor or to be morbid, but to remember with compassion. And each of us has a story. Each of us has faced... and been in contact with or heard of these things. So this is the time, and I think we have one of the cards is all those who have lost their lives in flood, and we name that, and also through disease. We are affected by this, and if we pretend like, well, it didn't happen to me, that's not honoring our connectedness.

[50:59]

We are affected. deeply affected and with the karma of climate change and what we can see already is happening to plant life and animal life and those among us who are the least able to move to another place and lack of water and the drought and all these things, this is the ceremony to bring that to mind and bring our consciousness to not flinch, you know, but with kindness and compassion say, yes, and this too. I acknowledge, I accept this is part of our life and I make offerings So is there anything you would like to bring up or ask or are concerned about in this, in anything, in the ceremony in particular?

[52:20]

Yes, Greg. That's fine. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. It seems like a lot of Mr. Noria's research has been underlined for our people who are better aware of Japanese. Not that there isn't a lot about the book is valid. Yes, yes. It's taken seriously by Japanese people. I think that's very true. But especially one of the things that he attributed to Kota Suwaki were, they have been shown to be actually taken out of context or misquoted. just completely misquoted or taken out of context for the sake of the fact. Thank you. I was not aware of that and I think that I don't know about the scholarship of Brian Victoria and I think the so thank you.

[53:24]

I think the point of the possibility of using Dharma and the Buddha Dharma in ways it wasn't meant, was the main point there. But thank you for clarifying that and bringing me up to date on that book, yeah. And I also don't want to cast dispersions on, you know, there are causes and conditions. You know, if we study the causes and conditions, we understand how it came to be. So it's how are we practicing? with those tendencies, I guess. Thank you. I'm sorry, this is making a lot of noises there. Yes. I was wondering how your story at the conference ended.

[54:33]

How it ended? Yeah. Yes, so when she said, don't understand what your precepts are. So I think I spoke a little bit about the 16 Bodhisattva precepts, and I said something about this particular lineage. I brought up the celibacy point because that seemed to be what was a sticking point for people about me being there, I think. And then people relaxed. In fact, Karmalakshi Soma said something like, okay, thank you, now we know. Sixteen Bodhisattva precepts. But I had a feeling they thought there were no precepts. Like it was, hey, you know, these crazy Sam people, they do whatever they want and they call it Buddha Dharma or something. That's what, until I said, you know, these are the precepts that we receive. It didn't seem to be... like a known thing, yeah.

[55:37]

Karmalakeshe Tzoma, by the way, is the founder of Sakyadita, Daughters of the Buddha, international women's Buddhist group, and she has done just amazing, amazing work, mostly in Asia. establishing schools for nuns training in countries where the donations don't go to the nuns, usually. And she's something, yeah. Yes? embracing you in its arms. Yes. Yeah, I remember it would be really dark and cold and tough hard and I was just relating to it in contrast to the Swedish variety and it, yeah, it's not quite the same.

[56:50]

Yes, yes. Well there is, you know, we are so lucky to be able to experience the velvety embracing darkness. When the LED lights go out at like 9.20 or so, there are a few places left probably. There are not that many places where you can be in darkness except for the starry sky and the crescent moon that's waxing. So we don't have light pollution here. And we've been very careful when we switched from kerosene to the lights to preserve that and honor it. And so there is something wonderful about being enveloped in it. And also people can get depressed during those long, dark nights in Sweden.

[57:53]

Thank you. Yeah, I agree. I agree. And Bob? I wonder if you could say something about the word of the out and meeting . I thought I knew what it meant until somebody asked me. And when they asked you, what did you say? Well, I said, I think, I don't really remember. But I have this sense that it has a feeling of letting go. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think those elements of letting go are partly there, but we have to start with fully admitting. Fully admitting and acknowledging, yes, this was unskillful, this was not

[58:59]

This was not in alignment with how I want to live. And first, you have to start by admitting it, acknowledging it. But then there's admitting and acknowledging. And I like to think of it as you get your ticket. When you admit something, you get your ticket of admittance. You get your ticket, and that allows you, once you admit, to step into... you know, the next, like, this is how I want, I want to live this way. You get entry with admitting. If you don't admit that you did anything that was not in alignment, then the tendency is, well, we'll do that again and again. So we start with acknowledging and admitting, which is the avowing, but part of it, and then... This is what I did, and then this is how I want to live.

[60:07]

And then you vow to live that. I'm going to try this again. This is how I want to live. And that's letting go. You let go of, I made a mistake, I spoke harshly, I was mean to them, I wasn't compassionate. You do let that go. This is how I want to live. That's your ticket to get into the show of this next... Now I want to live this way. And of course, then we do it again. You know, something else. Where greed, hate, and delusion arise again in different forms. And then we avow again. So the whole thing, all my ancient twisted karma from beginningless greed, hate, and delusion, and how does it come? It comes in the form of actions and words and our thinking. Okay, I get it. I admit, yes. And then you're ready to go, fresh.

[61:08]

Well, is saying the chant instead of the practice of, like, kind of reflecting on particular ways that you, you know, this karma has come up for you? Or is it just kind of a general feeling of, like, oh, I know there are very ways to do it. Well, this is for each of us to practice with. It can be just, we're not even thinking about the words at all. We're just blah, blah, blah, this is the morning service. And we don't even remember whether we said it or not, so we can do it that way. Even so, I think the power of the words, repeating that over and over, it's not like nothing. I think we can draw on that. It's in our bodies. I have heard people say, my ancient Twisted Karma, they just come up with that. So I think there is an effect, but to actually meditate while you're chanting that in some way, or review in the nighttime before going to bed, this is a practice,

[62:32]

of reviewing the day and was there anything, this may be a practice in 12-step too, I need to make amends for her. So each of you, each of us can enter that practice to the depths that we want to. But we added that, this wasn't something Suzuki Roshi had us do. I think we added it when Reb was the, when Tenshin Roshi was Abbot, when He was, you probably know this, I think it's in the Introduction to Being Upright. Taro Tuko was visiting, and Taro Tuko said, I've talked with some of the students here at Green Gulch, and they say to me, we'd like to work with our karma, and they don't seem to know the practice. And Rep said, well, we do that every full moon, and we do that. He said, well, the students don't really know that. So it began to be a daily practice, avowing karma.

[63:35]

But each of us, it's up to us to make it alive for us or not. But even so, whether it's fully alive or not, even saying those words has a karmic effect. Yeah. Positive. Yes? Owning up. Owning up. Mm-hmm. I'm up. Owning up. Yeah. I'm upright. And I'm up for the next thing. Yeah. Yeah. Owning up. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I like it too. Owning up. Yeah. Lauren and then Linda. Could you say something more about letting go? I think you used that as related to Sajiki and sort of letting go. this question and it even kind of came up for me thinking about like grandmotherly mind, you know, like I think work hard, whatever, that, you know, we can be very conscious of other people and like, oh, I don't want people to feel bad about this or about this, but about yourself, it seems a little bit more difficult.

[64:54]

And yeah, we talk about letting go a lot, but there's not like, you know, step one to letting go, step two to letting go. Yeah. The connection between letting go and avowing, you know, if it's unexamined, if something's unexamined and not honored and not even looked at, it affects us and affects our thinking, affects our movements, who we are drawn to who we're... It's completely affecting our lives if it's an unexamined something that's going on. When we bring it forward and look at it and see, okay, and then out of that can be this vow of, or if not vow, I want to live this way.

[65:57]

That is a kind of letting go, that whole process. If we don't ever look at it, it's got us. You know, we're gotten by it, or we're caught. And sometimes rigidly so, you know, or stuck, kind of stuck. So to look at something, thoroughly examine it, and we may not fully let go, yet it may take a long time to get to, or we may not even realize that just by sitting somehow we've let go of that. We're just not angry at that person anymore. It's okay. We understand. And we didn't consciously work on it. So letting go happens mysteriously, kind of in the dark, and it happens more consciously. But I think the steps of bringing something into view and not avoiding and averting is

[67:02]

is part of letting go, yeah. And then in zazen, you know this, neither pushing something away or clinging to it. Well, if we're not pushing and clinging, what are we... Is that letting go, you know? So we can practice in zazen that way, yeah. Linda. As we're talking about vow, I'd always thought of vow as like commitment. But I saw, and I don't know, I wonder if the word vow is connected to voice or vocal or vowel. I think it is. Because that would kind of connect the a vow. Yes. Say it. And, you know, like in a wedding, you exchange vows. So there's something about vow that has a verbal, that speech aspect to it. And what you were just saying, that kind of puts it all together.

[68:03]

That's how we kind of come to an awareness. Oh, that's what that is. It's like a positive way of using the habit of our mind. Draw a little line around it and say, that's a that. And then it's workable. And then we have to let that go. Yeah. I think vow and votive... and voce, I'll look it up, though. But I think it's, they're connected. And the word that I was trying to think of before was, oh, did it just go again? While you were talking, it came. It was, just let me think for a second here. Oh, God. As you were speaking, I thought, oh, there it is, and it's gone again. Oh, dear. So, you know, some people are very, like they can't do the bodhisattva vows, they can't even repeat them because, and there's that wonderful dialogue of Suzuki Roshi and this person who said, Roshi, I can't say it because I don't know what it means and I can't say I'm going to save all sentient beings because I, and Suzuki Roshi just, he just gives it to him.

[69:21]

It's really, it's in this Branching Streams Full in the Darkness book. What's that book called? Branching Streams Full in the Darkness. he says, you know, kind of like, just do it. Just join with everybody. It was, I don't know who the student was, but then Suzuki Roshi said, and the person started crying. He said, Suzuki Roshi says, you're not my friend. I can't be your friend. You know, it's like he was holding to this special thing of I can't say it and I won't vow and it's not truthful for me and It was like this amazing exchange. You can read it after Sashin, but Suzuki Roshi is saying, somebody else can be your friend. I'm not going to give candy to the crying baby. It's like, I don't know who the person was. I assume they were working intimately together because, yum. So yeah, some people cannot, they don't want to take vows. They don't want to get near it because...

[70:23]

and it is a kind of verbal with witnesses often, but you can take internal vows. That's fine. And are repeating them. You can, as an exploration, like, well, I'll say this, and what does that mean? But I'm not really vowing. You can have all sorts of ways to come close to it, but until someone is ready, they're not ready. But that voice and that others hear you. is part of it, I think, yeah. Yes? Do you know, Greg? Ananda, that's right, Ananda. Ananda was Claude Dahlenberg, one of Suzuki Roshi's early students. He was ordained by Zen Tatsu Baker, but he was on the board of Zen Center, very, very active.

[71:29]

And he also is in Dharma Bums by Jack Kerouac. He's Diffendorfer, Claude Diffendorfer or something in Dharma Bums. So he was in the Bay Area scene, beat scene back in the day. Yeah, I think the beauty of it, I don't know. I don't know the story. So when was that? 90s, maybe? We didn't do it here in the 70s. I think late 80s, maybe, 90s. It's like that melodic lullaby. If it's in the night, we do it in the morning sometimes, too. I love, I don't know how you all feel about when people break into harmony. It gives us this chance to... have our voices, and people are doing all sorts of different, coming in all sorts of places, which I find, especially when you're standing in the middle, you're like surrounded. It's a surround sound. It's wonderful. Yeah.

[72:32]

I'm ready to uncross my legs and go on to the next thing on the agenda, which is Zazen. Is that true? No, Kinhin. Kinhin. Shall we go for a walk? We haven't done that yet. Should we do outside Kenyan and go up the road a little bit? Let's see. Alex, tell us the timing. It's quarter to 11. Five minutes to 11, meet in the work circle for a walk. Okay, and then we'll walk, and then we'll come back. for a little sitting and then service, right? Okay, good. Well, thank you all for... This is the last day of Sashin, if you didn't know. And thank you for sitting through in some... I think we did go through various ordeals this Sashin.

[73:35]

There was various hell realms, internal and external, you know, this... This was not an easy sashim. People think, oh, a five-day sashim, we can knock that one off. This was not an easy sashim, I think, for many people. So I want to acknowledge that and your sincerity and willingness to return and come back over and over to your seat, to your Bodhi seat. Thank you very much. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered free of charge, and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click Giving.

[74:27]

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