I felt a genuine celebration and joy out there. And as sometimes happens, the last day of Sushin with the ceremony, one can feel almost the possibility of going too far or something like, in excitement. After day after day of quiet and calm activity, and then to have drums and loud chanting and movement and flowers raining down.

[01:09]

And I remember some, a couple years I felt like frightened that I would go too far or too, I don't know what, like over the top or something. Over the top into celebration of Buddha's enlightenment. So we have gathered and collected body and mind in one suchness, making that effort these days. And you might have noticed a very solid, or I should say, strong energy. And just wanted to mention some practices after session or when. When Sashin ends, Suzuki Roshi had said, the most important period of Zazen of the entire Sashin is the morning after it's over.

[02:25]

And I remember that pretty strongly because after my first Sashin I slept in, I thought, hey, I'd just been... doing all this and working so hard, it was so difficult, and I was going to give myself a treat. So when the wake-up bell went the next morning, I stayed put. And I realized in hearing that admonition about the most important period of sasana, of the whole sasheen, is that next morning, just Monday morning, Monday, Monday. everyday practice, continuous practice, nothing special, making that steady effort day after [...] day. And I think I was confused, thinking, you know, I'll make a big effort for sashim, but then I can do half-hearted

[03:40]

at other times, and it will all work out. So that kind of spirit, those of you who will be leaving today and going back to your homes, home temples, your other places, and those of us who are here, there will be a wake-up bell tomorrow. And coming to Zazen with that same continuous effort of endless practice. And this seamless feeling between sesheen, not sesheen, in the zendo, out of the zendo, during practice period, in residence, out of residence, one seamless practice mountain

[04:44]

body, mountains, sitting in stillness, mountains, walking. I also made the mistakes of this gathered energy that I felt I, what is that saying? When you're given your allowance, don't spend it all in one place. I remember I had an allowance. I was given an allowance. It was a dollar was my allowance. And it really was like burning a hole in my pocket. What am I gonna spend this on? And I went to the hardware store across from my grade school, and they had a little flashlight for a dollar. And I had that dollar, so I bought this flashlight, which I did not need.

[05:45]

And I remember I brought it home, and it was, why did you buy this flashlight? You don't need a flashlight. I had to buy something with this. And I think my mother made me return it. And I got the dollar back, which was... So in the same way with Sashin, I remember kind of spending my dollar... like that afternoon, as soon as fishing was over, I could not stop talking with my friends and, you know, at high volume and very, very fast. And then the mail came, you know, there was all this mail that had been gathering for over a week and reading things out loud. And it was, by the end of the day, They kind of had to, you know, sweep me up and haul me off. I was just like... So that's just a... Nobody said, you know, don't spend your dollar at the hardware store for that little flashlight you don't need.

[06:54]

So I'm just mentioning it. I always quote Catherine Thanis, who said, after Sashina, it's a very good time to clean your drawers. or your closets because you have a lot of energy and you can really do a project like that. So think about that. You might have been dreading some kind of sorting work that, you know, it just exhausts you like Psyche, you know, in the tale of Psyche when she was given her first task in order to be reunited with Eros, with her husband and relationship, she was shown, Aphrodite gave her her first task, which was to, she was shown a room which was filled to the ceiling with seeds, you know, flax seeds, poppy seeds, sesame seeds, all these alfalfa seeds, and she had to sort them by morning.

[07:56]

And she just went into a swoon. That's how I usually feel about, you know, certain tasks. But after sesheen, it's like, oh, let me add it, you know. ooh, flax, that goes there. And Stephen, you can use this for your soji work probably. For some reason, this story about Nakamura-sensei came up that I wanted to tell. I'm not sure why, but I'll just tell it, and you can figure out why I'm telling it. Nakamura-sensei was our tea teacher that the bakers, Ginny and Zenitatsu Baker, met in Japan and brought Nakamura-sensei to the States to teach tea and no chanting.

[09:00]

She lived at Greenwich, and I took tea from her. She was very old at the time, and a tea master, and she would show me, I was a beginning student, she'd show me things, and I would make mistakes, she'd show me again, and she'd point them out, like, you know, under the fushi, you know, put the thumb under, or, you know, lay it a certain way, and I would listen and go, mm, [...] mm. You know, fold it like this, mm. And finally she said, mm, mm, mm. Like a baby, a baby, mm, mm, mm. No, no, no like a baby. Anyway, there was something about not, you know, her pointing something out or showing me something. And I don't know what that sound was exactly, but it was like, okay, okay, I got it, I got it, I got it.

[10:04]

Don't tell me again, I know, I know, I know. Yeah, yeah, you told me that, okay. Uh, mm, mm, mm. And she just nailed me, you know. She used to do imitations of us. Wendy can remember, I think, right, Wendy? She would walk the way we walked. Anyway, that was her teaching mode. But it was that thing about mm, mm, like a baby. That was so helpful to me. what she pointed out, which was my attitude about she was teaching me. I was there to learn tea. And somehow I had an attitude or something. So in this practice where precision and preciseness in the middle of paradox and ungraspability, and bringing forth the practice together.

[11:06]

What is the attitude? What is our posture of mind and body? Can we let go of our strongly held views and preferences? I wanted to let you know that Mick is a haplog group, J2M172. All right. Way to go, Mick. So this word...

[12:08]

defiled has come up, you know, although there is practiced realization, it cannot be defiled, says Nanue to Huenang. And then Huenang says, all Buddhists practice this non-defiling way. You are thus, I am thus too. I think I wanted to say a little bit more about this word, defile, because sometimes it's translated defile, sometimes it's translated as tainted. And then I just looked at Kaza's new translation, and I've always, when I've commented on it, said that this defile means dualistic thinking. That's how you defile things, dualistic thinking, something that is... cannot be separated up in that way.

[13:08]

We do that. And this is the defilement, not that the thing itself is defiled or could be defiled. We defile with our own body-mind by separating. So in the new Kaas translation, instead of tainted, he had used tainted in one physical, the Fescal, yuinkutsu yobutsu, only a Buddha and a Buddha. And in this Fescal, he changes the word tainted to divided, which I think is closer to this dualistic thinking. And I think also it is less to say something cannot be divided rather than defiled. is clear for me, actually. So, what is it like when we're defiling or dividing things?

[14:16]

And in this fascicle, Only a Buddha and a Buddha, he says this wonderful sentence about what it's like to feel, he uses a metaphor, for what it's like to feel undivided, which would be non-defiling or not tainting things with dualistic thinking. So he says, what is it like to be undivided? And then this next paragraph, being undivided is like meeting a person and not considering what the person looks like. Also, it is like not wishing for more color or brightness when viewing flowers and the moon.

[15:29]

Being undivided is like meeting a person and not considering what the person looks like. And I think we're all familiar with that, to meet someone and immediately, you know, all of our judgments and criticisms and how they should be different or they should be, why don't they lose weight, why don't they gain weight? How could they let themselves go that way? Ooh, they're pretty cute. Ooh. I'm afraid of that person. Just like cascading, you know. Bringing the self forward to realize things with our karmic formations, our karmic consciousness, faster than, you know. What is it? Superman is. faster than a speeding bullet.

[16:44]

More powerful than a locomotive. Able to leap. Able to leap. Able to leap tall buildings at a single bound. Look! Up in the sky. It's a bird. It's a plane. No, it's Superman. Superman. Strange visitor from another planet. There's a house that goes. Strange visitor from another planet who came to Earth with powers and abilities far beyond mortal man. Who can something the mighty rivers bend and steal with his bare hands and who disguised as Clark Kent, mild-mannered reporter from a great metropolitan newspaper, fights the never-ending battle for truth, justice, and the American way.

[17:53]

Oh, dear. This is watching TV, growing up and watching Superman on TV. Yuto, you know who Superman is. Yes. Does anybody not know who Superman is? Rayran, you don't know who Superman is? But you have an idea who he is. Superman was a Bodhisattva who thought he was a journalist, or people thought he was. What were we talking about? Undefiled. Oh, looking at a person and not considering what they look like. Being undivided is like meeting a person and not considering what the person looks like. Can you imagine that? Just the one who is bowing, the one who is bowed to.

[18:56]

Their nature, no nature, my body, others' bodies, not to. Just Buddha. This is just Buddha, Dharma coming. This is just the Tathagata, the thus come one, taking this form and color. And all those myriad judgments are kind of dividing, right? Into likes and dislikes and what they need to change and improve. And also it is like not wishing for more color or brightness upon viewing flowers or the moon. And that, you know, what it reminds me of is a kind of dissatisfaction with everything, you know. There's always something wrong, you know. Why wasn't there more salt?

[20:02]

Why wasn't it this... It's... I think that dividedness... is energy draining. And I think it really separates us from beings and from our life and from ourself. We look at ourself that way. Can we look at ourself without considering what we look like? And this doesn't mean to drop hygiene and grooming, please, please. But... dropping those kinds of judgments about we're not okay. And then Dogen goes on, spring has the tone of spring and autumn has the scene of autumn.

[21:10]

There's no escaping it. So when you want spring or autumn to be different from what it is, notice that it can only be as it is. Or when you want to keep spring or autumn as it is, reflect that it has no unchanging self. So sometimes we want things to be different and then other times we don't want them to change. Please, please. like in Peter Pan and Wendy, Wendy's mother, when Wendy was about two, they were playing in the garden and she picked a flower, Wendy, the two-year-old Wendy, and she went running to her mother with the flower and her mother's heart just clutched and she thought, why can't she stay like this always?

[22:12]

But Wendy grew up and flew off with Peter, and then you know the rest of the story. Peter didn't grow up, and Wendy continued to grow up. So this, why can't it stay the same? Why do they have to die? Nothing at all has unchanging nature And this is a wonderful fascicle to study, only a Buddha and a Buddha. And I'm skipping a little... And I realize there's certain sentences that live for me very strongly.

[23:19]

And this one, this is after discussing this wanting things to either stay the same or wanting them to be different. Still, when you clarify that there is nothing to be disliked or longed for, then the original face is revealed by your practice of the way. When there's nothing to be disliked or longed for, nothing meaning in and of itself the object of your liking or disliking, in and of itself, is neither, it doesn't have the qualities of, in and of itself, likableness or non-likableness. It's just the Buddha Dharma. It's just the Thus Come One. And when you realize that we give it likableness or non-likableness, and when we clarify that there's nothing to be liked or disliked, or longed for,

[24:29]

then the original face is revealed by our practice of the way. It sounds like peace. And this koan comes in this fascicle as well. Long ago a monk asked a master, when hundreds and thousands and myriads of objects come all at once, what should be done? And the mastery black don't try to control them. So we've been leading a very simple life here and

[25:36]

Many of the hundreds and thousands and myriads of things that come rushing towards us have been quieted during these days. And the practice of not controlling but meeting each thing as the thus-come-one, as Buddha-dharma, Dogen's comment, what he means, this master about don't try to control them, is that in whatever way objects come, do not try to change them. The control is often changing, trying to change. Whatever comes is the Buddha Dharma, not objects at all. Do not understand the master's reply as merely a brilliant admonition of

[26:39]

but realize that it is the truth. Even if you try to control what comes, it cannot be controlled. Can we be composed within the onslaught of the myriad things? Not trying to control them, but responding with our full maturity of our our practice eye. And this last little part near the end of this fascicle, there's been a saying since olden times, no one except a fish knows a fish's heart.

[27:42]

No one except a bird follows a bird's trace. And then there's commentary on that, but this knowing a fish's heart, no one but a fish knows a fish's heart. And it talks about the fish trying to swim up the river And it has to get to these falls and go over these difficult places and the effort that it takes to meet those challenges and continue swimming, you know, making that effort. And only those who have that, have made that effort together, understand what it means. Only a fish knows a fish's heart. practice sincerely, as thoroughly as we can, we understand other people's practice too.

[28:48]

And instead of trying to change them and make them something else or make the situation be how we want it according to our notions, can we understand the heart of what's going on? So we've come to the end of our Sashin Lecture cycle. And I have appreciated your responses. Some of you have let me know how you've been responding to the talks.

[29:57]

And there's a big range. as one would expect. My effort is to continue to encourage myself as well as all those who are listening to continue to practice. So is there anything anyone would like to bring up or express? Yes. And as these judgments and things have been coming up, have you been working with them in a different way?

[31:58]

It's not something, what? Yes. So that last thing you said about, I don't want to have this, you can look at this, that might be the extra wanting it to change, wanting more color. or less judgments. So it's not that you are condoning and supporting and enthusiastically producing and wanting more and more of this kind of criticism. But to think, to want it to go away, is this. divided thing, to just allow that and see how might you see this as Buddha Dharma, the way this has come to be right now, without pushing it away or attaching and saying, oh yeah, I'm really right about that.

[33:38]

This is, to me, this point is so radical, you know, that even, yes, even those thoughts that look like greed and hate, it's study them rather than you shouldn't be there, it's not okay, get out. You study them as Buddha Dharma, meaning... not that greed is, but the way that thought has come to be through your causes and conditions and karmic formations, the nature of that is Buddhadharma. So it's the studying of it rather than very quick, that's not okay and you're not okay and you're... Stop that. Remember so many... was talking about a way of, they were trying to diet or something, and they were given by a Zen teacher the admonition to just eat whatever you want, just don't even try.

[35:02]

And it was like they got very frightened. No, no. If I stop doing that thing where I'm stopping myself and criticizing and controlling the 10,000 things, I don't know what's going to happen. I'll turn into a monster. So it's kind of, You know, if I... One might think, oh, the way to really work with this stuff is to get tough and more critical. And I think it just fuels it. It just fuels more and more. So to allow something to be and have its moment mindfully, it's unchanging. I mean, nothing itself... Nothing is unchanging. It is changing. So you can see it arise and go away. But I think there's some extra, like, unless I get involved and start acting, maybe I'll turn into a, I don't know, a monster.

[36:07]

One morning after a long session at H Street, it became obvious that, embarrassingly obvious, there were about eight people in the window. And it's about to begin. He stood up and showed it while he was stomping out the window. Yes, thank you Tim, yeah. Tell me that other thing you told me about what he said when that person said, now Suzuki, once and for all, tell me, does reincarnation exist?

[37:32]

Tell that story. Anyway, she would ask questions that us regular, That's what I never dare say. She said, Viti Roshi, finally, at the last time, is the reincarnation. Every question. Uh-oh, go on. She said, I don't think so. Various folks. We've finally gotten that answer.

[38:34]

Yeah. Not always so, eh? Yeah. Thank you, Tim. I think over the last many years, the co-host salmon have stopped coming up The GGRA and other agencies have talked about this and come up with a plan to rearrange things and we'll hope that maybe the time that we'll continue to do that. If Dogen, where do you think Dogen was the head of the GGNR? and even what's confronted with the situation, which might involve some letting things be as they are, or hankering, manipulating, controlling, rearranging.

[39:38]

How do you think you do in that role? What kind of word or language do you think you could describe that situation? Yes. Well, I think he would say, I know a fish's heart, and this is what they need. And the project would be called The Fish's Heart. And we would do whatever we could so they could come back up to their natal, taste their natal waters once more That was what?

[41:17]

You can hold your own hand and say it's okay. Yes. Yes, it was an Enlightenment Day ceremony. And that realization, you can be there for yourself in that way, always. I'm not crying, by the way.

[42:23]

My eyes water. This is part of old age sickness and death. My eyes are watering nonstop these days, these years. The Morning Star. One year, Norman Fisher was the abbot, and we went, after I think the second period of Zazen, we went out looking for it, walked down to the fields, and I think somebody had checked out that it would that it would rise a certain time, and if we went out, and it was very foggy, it was very green gulchy, and we were straining, and then the clouds parted, and it shone through just for a moment, and we were like, ah! The morning star, you know, we saw it. So... You know, this might be a personal koan for you. What is that, him seeing the morning star and was at peace?

[43:29]

My relation to it is he and the morning star are peace, one body. But how to turn that for you and have the morning star be in your heart as one, as you, and all objects. The morning star is love, right? Isn't it Venus? I mean, for one set of stories, it's love. So I like that part of it, too, that we add with that mythology. how long yeah as long as they're coming [...] years lifetimes lifetimes yeah because that observing is planting wholesome roots and um

[45:03]

changing your observing and taking care of it with mindfulness and love and composure changes. They're not the same old, same old. You interacting in that way are together transforming. Thank you very much. Thank you for your practice. I always thought it was a very radical statement, but why not some festival of delicacy?

[46:24]

Well, the Sandokai and Jewel Mirror Samadhi, those two poems, Sandokai was written by Sekito Kisen Dayosho, and Dungshan or Tozan wrote the Jewel Mirror Samadhi. And they're like ancestors' songs of enlightenment, really, and are traditionally... chanted as part of kind of paying homage to the ancestors. So that, you know, you would... So it predates Dogen, right? It's even earlier than Dogen, and Dogen also, you know, would have chanted that, you know. So... That's how I understand it. I mean, there may be some other technical reason why, but that is connected with the succession of ancestors.

[47:36]

Yeah. Did I sit all night last night? Oh, back then. Yeah. Yeah, I think my attitude was that I was sitting all night and I was very identified with being an all-night sitter. So, yeah, I was. And the part of me that wasn't, I wasn't, you know, the part of me that wasn't busy being the all-night sitter sat too. Yes, yes it was. And fun, you know. I do remember when I went back to my room before to clean up, I had shortbread at home in my cabin. And I allowed myself to have a non-sachine treat.

[48:48]

I had tea and Walker's shortbread, you know, those rectangles. And they tasted so good. Yeah. In some ways, it was also really overwhelming because there was even more energy than I was used to remembering. And now that I'm in a very quiet, very settled space, I'm concerned about needing that once it ends again. Not that I need to control it, I need it to be quiet, but there's this point that I have difficulty identifying between, oh yeah, I'm sort of wrong. And okay, I need to leave. And where is that not touching and not turning away?

[49:55]

And how is that? Yes. So I think that's an excellent question. And how to take care of yourself after sesheen is a good question to ask yourself. So turning away would be something like, I'm not going to go to the dining room, I'm not going to talk to anybody, I'm going to just hide out. And that's kind of a little bit cold and turning away. Touching is like I was spending your dollar at one place and just getting totally wrapped up and pretty soon you're exhausted. So can you, what would be the appropriate, sometimes there's people you want to thank who've been were really helpful to you. At a certain point, somebody on your crew or your neighbors on either side of you, you have a lot of, I don't know, you've spent a lot of time with them and you may want to acknowledge that. You may want to thank a practice leader or something.

[50:56]

There may be something. And to turn away from that is a little cold in the interest of protection. So can you do take care of those things thoroughly, and then, you know, now it's time to rest. I'd love, I mean, as those of you who know who live here or visit here, the dining room can get so noisy and so, it's really hard to hear each other, and so maybe that might be something we bear in mind as we come into the end of Sashintu, create an atmosphere that has a grounded feeling and that's taking care of the fish's heart. So I think we all need to do that together, though. So that's what I would say for the turning away and touching are both wrong.

[52:04]

Yes? Yeah, I hope people have been showering all week. Okay. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Yeah, yeah. Those early sessions, by the way, we were told not to bathe. You know, you weren't supposed to bathe. And I think it was a misunderstanding of the guideline, you know. Anyway, it was, yeah, it was challenging sometimes.

[53:14]

Okay, well, we just, you know, the sashins, I was looking at some old schedules of sashins, and they ended later in the day, like the Enlightenment Day ceremony was at 3.20 in the afternoon, and we cleaned up, and we had dinner, and I think over the years, a lot of people who've come from far away, and a number of people have come from the East Coast, have had to catch flights, and they've left, so the afternoon sittings and ceremonies, everybody wasn't here, so we've been ending the seshin earlier in the day. So after lunch and the cook's jun-do where we thank the kitchen, that will be the end of seshin. So let's sit these periods before lunch together as our last zaza periods of the seshin. And I'd like people to sit facing each other, facing out for these last periods, okay? Thank you very much.

[54:17]

Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our programs are made possible by the donations we receive. Please help us to continue to realize and actualize the practice of giving by offering your financial support. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[54:45]

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