This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Very still, very quiet, like a mountain range. All the mountains... closely sitting next to each other, supporting each other, practicing together. And just like a mountain, these beings who are sitting here, may they not be rigid or forced into stillness, Mountains are moving.

[01:01]

Mountains are changing. Mountains are breathing. So if there's any forcing into stillness or rigidity, be aware of that. Breathe into that. Allow yourself to flow like a mountain. And practicing like this day after day, we together enter the merciful ocean, mountains and oceans, and some natural calmness, an unforced calmness arises.

[02:17]

And in that mountain stillness, flowing mountain stillness, all things are included. And nothing needs to be excluded. I've been thinking about the sounds of our carpenters up on the hill, and I was wondering if some people coming from the city or other places have thought, you know. came to Green Gulch to have a little quiet around here. What do I get but, you know, a lot of noise. These sounds of hammers and nail guns and All the sounds of the construction are within our stillness, a part of stillness.

[03:42]

Can we sit including all those sounds, not being bothered? Truly hammers striking On the way walking to the lecture, the big brown UPS truck had arrived. And sometimes I realized when I see the big brown UPS truck, something often comes up like, I wonder if there's a present for me? And maybe everyone feels that way when they see the big brown UPS truck parked in our parking lot. And as we walked by, the radio was on in the big brown UPS truck, and it was playing a beautiful little song, an instrumental.

[04:51]

And there was no person in the truck. It was just the truck. It was just humming its tune. very friendly, very happy to be doing its work, coming to Green Gulch over the road. I think someone should write that children's story. There's probably one already about the big brown EPS truck coming to Green Gulch. But someone else might have been bothered. by the little tune coming out of the truck. Why didn't he turn off his radio? Doesn't he know we're in, says she, or she, the UPS person. This morning coming into the Zendo, there was a kind of crowd forming at the entrance, and I realized I had a number of thoughts about that.

[06:16]

One was watching myself focus on the big crowd being late, but there was a bigger crowd that was sitting in the Zendo that was not late. And then I thought about the Tenkin and the position, the doorkeeper, bell ringer, and the conflict that they must feel as they're walking towards the door, knowing they're going to have to ring that bell, which means the door will close on all their friends who are left out in the cold. And wanting to walk slowly, perhaps, and yet realizing they're the timekeeper. They have to ring that bell and close the door. Noticing these kinds of thoughts and feelings and

[07:28]

flowing, momentary concerns. How blessed. So we've been talking about thus-ness and just this is it, just this person, just this person sitting on their cushion, including everything. And the Buddha

[08:35]

made this vow to sit also on the ground, to sit on the ground under a tree and he made himself a cushion of kusa grass or available material, a nice comfortable cushion just the right height to support the sacrum lifting the hips above the knees and forming a very stable three-pointed mountain seat on the ground. close to the ground on the earth.

[09:41]

A couple of months ago, I watched the series called Band of Brothers, which is a story of a particular group World War II parachute army unit that was trained to parachute. And it was a part documentary and part fictionalized. And in one part they were interviewing some of these older men now, quite elderly, and they were talking about the earth and going to the earth for refuge into their foxholes and cleaving to the earth, digging into the earth, the sweet Mother Earth.

[11:02]

And this one old soldier you know, began to cry as he was talking about the earth and what it meant. So we too are sitting on the earth, on this ground, grounded with the energy in our body both grounded down through our lower body and legs, pelvis, sacrum, while the upper body direction is up.

[12:13]

There's two directions at once. Up through the upper body and ribs and sternum and back through the top of the head and down into the ground at the exact same time. Can we find that mountain pose, the dynamicness of that pose, whether you're in a chair or on a cushion, both downwards and upwards, downward into the earth, And the ribcage is not thrust open and up. It's lifted up, not pulled open. So there's a saying, actually I just wrote it on the back of a raksu for this last layered nation.

[13:38]

Seven times fall, eight times get up. Seven times fall on the ground, eight times get up. This is a continuous practice. And Dogen Senji, in his chapter, Thusness, Inmo, talks about we get up on the ground that we fall down on. We fall to the ground and use that same ground to get ourselves up. Just... just as if you were to trip and fall, what do you use to get up? That very same ground. This saying is very old, to use the ground you fall down on to get up.

[14:49]

And it goes back to our ancestor Vasubandhu and his older brother Asanga, Vasubandhu was kind of putting down the Mahayana or maybe disparaging somewhat. And Asanga, his older brother, felt he hadn't really studied the Mahayana yet, so how could he talk in that way? So he pretended to be sick, Asanga pretended to be sick and invited his brother to come over And then he said to him, those who disparage a teaching that they haven't even studied are not Buddhist practitioners. And then he gave him the Mahayana Sutra, the Garland Sutra, the Avatamsaka Sutra, and Vasubandhu read that and was turned by that sutra and entered the

[15:55]

the Mahayana, became a Mahayana practitioner. And then he said to his brother Asanga, I should cut out my tongue with a sword for having disparaged this teaching in this way. And Asanga said, that isn't necessary. You use the ground you fell down on to get yourself up. the ground you fell on, you use that to stand up. And that very tongue that disparaged the teaching can be used to pass the teaching on, to explicate and to turn the teaching. So when we find ourselves having said something, perhaps, that was unskillful, was reactive, was selfish, was filled with self-concern and filled with misunderstanding and

[17:22]

Can we use our words, the very ground of our words, to get back up again, to turn it, to make amends, to ask for forgiveness? Using the ground we fell down on to get up again. When Dogen goes further, not only do we use the ground that we fell down on to stand up again, the solid, elemental, earth, concrete things, the 10,000 things, but he also in beautiful Dogen fashion says, and we use the sky to get up again.

[18:31]

You fall on the ground and use the sky to get up again. And the sky or space can also be used for the word for emptiness. So, going Further, going deeper, what is ground? What is earth? What are the activities of our life? Are they, does it stop there? Is it a concrete thing? studying it further, it opens and opens and opens and all things are included.

[19:50]

So we can wake up right there where we fall down. Is that a mistake? What's a mistake? So yesterday I spoke of Tozan leaving his teacher and upon leaving he said, If anybody asks me to describe your reality," he said this to his teacher, what should I say? How can I describe your reality?

[21:01]

How can I describe your reality? And his teacher was silent for a while and then said, He said, or just this person? How can you describe just this? Where do we begin? Where will it end? And Dung San didn't understand. what Un Gang Don Cho was saying to him. And he sank into thought and took his leave and went on his way. And his teacher said, you should be most thoroughgoing in your understanding of this matter.

[22:06]

This matter of just this person or just this is it. And then Tozan or Dungshan traveled quite a ways, actually, from that teacher. And he was crossing a stream, and I think perhaps he had been carrying this, just this person, just this is it. And he crossed a stream and he looked down in the stream and he saw his own reflection. And at that point he understood. And he made a wonderful poem.

[23:20]

when a number of us were in China, actually 10 years ago, 2000, we went to this very place where Dengshan, we went to Dengshan's temple, and we traveled eight hours by bus from Ungan's temple, actually, Ungan Dongzhou Dayosho's temple. And that's when I realized, oh, he had gone a long way on foot to this other mountain and walking the ground step by step, walking meditation, turning, just this person, absorbed in just this person, thusness. And then we cross that streamlet, we cross that creek, and we all look down in the creek, Joseon's poem was, Don't seek from others or you will be estranged from yourself.

[24:35]

I now go on alone. Everywhere I encounter it. It now is me. I now am not it. One must understand in this way to merge with suchness or to merge with being as it is. Don't seek from others or you will be estranged from yourself. No gaining mind. no looking for something else, something better, something more shining, more beautiful, more wise.

[25:44]

Don't seek from others or you will be estranged from yourself. I now go on alone Everywhere I go, I encounter it. It now is me. I now am not it. One must understand in this way in order to merge or be one with suchness. in order to be suchness, practicing suchness without delay. When we're seeking from others, we're leaning outside of ourselves, leaning into some other reality as if we could.

[26:57]

be outside of this very place. But we get confused. And we don't realize that that very leaning is it too. We get turned around. For For me, this phrase, it now is me, I now am not it, was, I always thought at first it should be, it now is me, I now am it. Right? It seems like that would be logical. It now is me, I now am it. But it says, it now is me, I now am not it.

[27:59]

This is ungraspable, the ineffable, just this. We have to, he says, Dengshan says, we have to understand in that way in order to be one with just this, just this person. Everything we encounter is just this. And yet, if we try to pin it down and put it in a box, it defiles it.

[29:14]

Or, although it cannot be defiled, it makes it a dualistic thing. And we fall down on the ground. But that very ground is just this person. There's no place to fall. We use that same ground to stand up. So asking ourselves, am I seeking outside myself?

[30:29]

Am I seeking from others? Am I seeking from the teaching, from the stories, something other than just this person? What is this I now go on alone? Alone with others. So the Buddha, as he sat on the ground, was assailed by all sorts of difficulties, difficult thoughts, difficult emotions, difficult physical pains.

[31:57]

Buddhas and ancestors are not different than us. Buddhas and ancestors of old are as we. And being assailed in this way, the Buddha touched the earth, touched the ground, and asked the earth to be a witness that he had a right to that spot, to sit. and to go on alone with the whole earth, grounding himself in the midst of the swirl of difficulties. How do we ground ourselves?

[33:02]

How do we touch the earth, take refuge in our just this person Ness I received a note from someone talking about the dream that I mentioned yesterday of realizing that the old watch that my mother had given me was worth a million dollars.

[34:09]

And the person felt that, I think it was a wonderful interpretation of the dream, The fact that I took the watch to be cared for, took it to the jeweler or the watch repair person, was a kind of caring for something. And in that caring for it, it was shown how valuable it was. In our caring for our life, which was the gift, it becomes immeasurably valuable. every single thing, when we care for it, is immeasurably valuable. Already it's immeasurably valuable, but we're not treating it in that way. We're confused. We're seeking for value somewhere else. Everywhere

[35:22]

I go, I encounter it. All the 10,000 things come forward. It now is me. All the 10,000 things come forward and realize themselves through me, with me, in me. It now is me. I now am not it. To carry the self forward is delusion. To carry the self forward and confirm this and that and good and bad and valuable and unvaluable and worthy of my time and unworthy of my time.

[36:25]

is delusion I now am not it it now is me every breath it now is me coming forward meeting just this person what a mystery Can we sit like that, allowing each thing to come forward, realizing itself in us? And that's even, that's a mistaken thing to say.

[37:28]

Realizing itself is us, is thus-ness. Tozan's student, Tozan's disciple, Ungodoyo's quote is, you are trying to attain thusness, yet you are already a person of thusness. As you are already a person of thusness, why be worried about thusness? Is that easy for him to say? Yes. Another way to say attain is to touch.

[38:37]

We want to touch just this. We want to touch thusness. And since we are just this person of thusness, why be worried about thusness? Knowing that even our worry itself is thusness, Everywhere I go, I encounter it. It now is me. Not leaving anything out. Not one hair's breadth. Bread. So are there any questions today?

[39:49]

Or anything you want to say? People of Vestas? Did you hear what Jackie said? No? Shall I say it for you, or would you like to say it? So Jackie said, so when you make a mistake, you confess it and repent it, and is that just this? How could it be other than just this? Are you ready? Am I ready?

[40:56]

I'm ready. You're ready to confess and repent? I was a little confused between the two teachings of Dogen in the verse that we chant about repenting, confessing. And it seems to me like judging. It's sort of self-judgment. when you do that. And Dungshan's teaching of just this person seems to almost say it's okay. Ah. I hear two different things. Yes. Did you hear what she said? No, I can't. So, Jackie's bringing up in the Ehe Koso Hotsu Ganmon, which is the vows of the high priest, Dogen that we chant before this lecture, at the end he says, confessing and repenting in this way one never fails to receive all.

[42:01]

One never fails to receive what? Profound help. Profound help from all Buddhas and ancestors. By revealing and disclosing our lack of faith and practice, we melt away the root of transgressions by the power of our Confession and repentance, this is the pure and simple color of true mind of faith, of the true body of faith. So this is, all that is part of just this. Just this isn't whatever I do is okay, and I condone and condone. Whatever I do is whatever I do, and it needs appropriate response. Sometimes we confess. and repent or say we're sorry. And sometimes we, someone says, I'm sorry to me. That's all within just this. Yeah.

[43:14]

Just a little more, a bit of a determination, you would have said something effective not seeking from another. And I understand forgiveness is seeking from another. So in the present, in confessing, we are still. I am still. And yet this is to Yes. So, when asking forgiveness, what would you say you're seeking? Seeking. Yes.

[44:24]

So in that, you know, we use seeking in different ways, you know. So the seeking that I hear you're bringing up is born of the confidence in the harmony between people and the peace of that can be between people and coming to that, making this effort to come to that again once more. So in that kind of seeking, I don't feel the I want something more than already is my birthright or is who I am. Who I am is harmony with others. So that to me is not seeking for gain as much as coming back, coming back to who I really am.

[45:39]

So we use seeking, you know, like way seeking mind or wisdom seeking wisdom in a positive sense. You know, we can use the word seeking in a positive sense, and we can use it as trying to gain something over and above who we actually are. So, to feel like we have to cut off our practice, endeavor, That might be some other kind of gaining idea, you know, trying to get something by cutting off. So this seeking from others, don't seek from others or you'll be estranged from yourself, doesn't mean that we don't make our effort to come into harmony.

[46:45]

zazen, sitzazen. Is there something in other... Is just this something other than I is trying in zazen? If you can settle with that, sit there, that the I that is trying to sit zazen is the just thisness of this zazen. It breaks it open. How's it going for the eye to be sitting zasek? It likes it. It likes it. What? It's hard. It's hard. Yeah. You know, there's that story that Blanche tells where Suzuki Roshi got very angry at her. Do you know that story? where she had been practicing a concentration practice of breath counting and felt she had really succeeded in following her breath the entire period, you know, counting from one to ten the whole time.

[48:13]

And she was so excited. She went in to see Suzuki Roshi to tell him that she had kind of had this marvelous accomplishment. And he, from my understanding, was... very kind of strict, you don't sit zazen, zazen sit zazen. Something like that, right? Yeah. Many of you have probably heard that story. So, was there a problem there? I think we can practice with concentration practices and accomplish and feel like You know, a more solidified eye did this thing. And this zazen practice can't be confined to that, although concentration practices are not...

[49:18]

we can try those, we need to try those out. We need to try and sit and find some way to sit quietly. So we're offered practices of breath counting and following the breath. And when those practices go beyond concentration practices and include just-this-is-it practice. Yeah, it breaks it open from I-sit-sazen. I did this thing. And then the just-this-person-sits, the just-this-person-sazen. Doug, isn't it, Valerie?

[50:29]

If we're here to collect body-mind acceptance, what is it that creates that separation? And where is it that leads between body-mind people and apart from each other? Body-mind don't fall apart from each other. So we can realize that. We might feel that we're body-mind separated or have some idea about that. And by our mountain stillness, we come to see there isn't a separation.

[51:37]

Yes? So the admonitions and the teachings are, there's always something missing, you know, but they point us and help us to take up the practice. What is that? Yeah.

[52:46]

I don't know if I can answer that other than our karmic life, our beginningless ways of thinking and acting that create conditions where we think and act in ways that are where we think that we're distracted, where we feel distracted, where we feel scattered. So this is our You know, our sitting sesheen is also a karmic activity, and it's a karmic activity that is wholesomely and evolvingly helping us to wake up to the fact that we're not separated in this way. So I remember someone saying to me, Oh, yeah, sashim, you sit a little sashim once a year, big deal, something like that.

[53:49]

And the, like, what's the big deal? And, you know, as you all may be feeling now, the inconceivable gratitude for a practice such as this to have us come home and ground in our dustness. So how grateful I feel to have encountered it. In fact, 40 years ago, this sersheen, I showed up at 300 Page Street. I didn't even know what a sersheen was. I had returned from two years living in Italy, and I was going to visit my friend Reb, who was at 300 Page Street, And I just showed up with my beautiful long cape and lots of beads and hair that I could sit on and knocked at the door.

[55:02]

And someone went to get them, Mel, I think it was Mel, Sojun Roshi and Tenshin Roshi. They were both sitting in the seshin and they came out of the zendo. I remember thinking, Reb said, I hadn't seen him in a number of years, and he said, do I look any different? And I said, your ears look a little more pointy. They did. Somehow, the last time I had seen him, somehow his ears looked like... Anyway, I had no idea, but they were sitting in Rahatsa Sushi, 1970, and... Mel reminds me of that. So how grateful to have this practice to come home, to come down from our scatteredness, which is the vastness of scatteredness, but we are so scattered we don't realize it.

[56:12]

Valerie? question about wanting something from forgiveness just reminded me of Thich Nhat Hanh's comment that peace never depends on the other person. Did everyone hear that? sitting in this mountain of vision, pain arises. And so does the question, why did something that causes pain arise?

[57:18]

And so far the answer, to see what happens, or to see what happens next. And this, in some ways, feels like a, or sometimes the answer is, well, very soon the bell will ring. And then, knees will, And this too feels like I'm pushing time, or I'm not pushing time, I'm waiting it out. And there's some separation that arises in that. And throughout this time, there has been a feeling of gatheredness and a feeling of rescattering and kind of just adding love towards this whole world. but that interferes with what's happening now. So your question of what happens next, do you feel like within there it's kind of laced with, and I hope something good will happen or that the bell will ring?

[58:27]

Sometimes, but sometimes no. Sometimes it just looks as curious. Or this is new. Or seeing this And sometimes it's blowing out of gathering, like if gathering begins, and while generally there is a lot of gratitude in practice, I am not yet in the space of enormous wholeness or gratitude, and I'm a little concerned that I'm not properly showing up I appreciate your honesty and your subtlety of noticing these various, what you said, this film, this slight that feels like separating you.

[59:59]

When you know, or the teaching is there's no separation, but you feel, what is it that you feel? This is the third day of Sashin and whatever your experience is, that is your experience. It can't be exchanged with anyone else's or be improved on. This is completely what it is and you're staying with it with loving attention and tenderness And if one feels gaining idea, then we say, there's gaining idea. Just like they talk about it. I see you. And that's part of it too. This is your zazen. And it needn't be anything different than that. It is what it is. And that is just this person.

[61:02]

Please help us to continue to realize and actualize the practice of giving by offering your financial support. For more information, visit sfzc.org and click Giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

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