This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning. Welcome to an amazing day at Green Gold's Farm. Thunder and lightning this morning. Unusual. And clear sky. Also unusual. So it's a special day today in that today we will be and are currently observing the completion of this year's coming-of-age program. So I'm aware that many of you here up front

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are involved in that, and many of your loved ones are here also in the assembly witnessing and being with you on this day. So I wanted to offer a few words this morning, hopefully not too many, in support of you and in support of this great path that we are all beings on, this great path of growing up. Any grown-ups here, you know? As Norman Fisher says, how rare an actual grown-up. It's a long way. It's a long way. So my name is Jiryu. I live here at Green Gulch for many years. I serve now as a teacher here and also an administrator. in my job as tanto or head of practice.

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So a big part of my job and my life in general as a Zen priest is to keep alive in myself and to nurture in others the truth, the practice, the awakening, the understanding of the Buddhist teaching that all of us, all beings, are completely connected. We are all one and the same life with no separation, fundamentally. The only way to be here or to be anywhere is together. with everything and everyone. In other words, what we are, our life itself, our aliveness, that, you know that?

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That aliveness that is with everyone, that is supported by everyone, that only comes with all beings together. So we are deeply supported by the whole universe. To be alive is to be deeply supported by everything and everyone. We're not separate. We're not apart. And then our teaching is that it's good to know this. It's good to study this. And then it's good to live. from and with that support, receiving that support from the whole universe and returning that support to the whole universe. So you would think that as someone whose actual job is to tell people that they're not separate and to try to recall oneself that one is not separate, you would think that maybe I had this one down.

[04:19]

And yet, like all of us, I, with some regularity, doubt this I'm part of everything thing. For example, looking at all of you here, up here on this Dharma seat, all by myself, apart and separate, it sure feels like I'm alone. If this is the total interdependence, inconceivable mutual support of all things, I thought it might feel different. I still have to open my mouth and say something. So I'm not so sure sometimes. I hear this teaching, and I even hear it out of my own mouth, this teaching that we are together with everything.

[05:26]

We are connected. We're not separate from life and from the world. And then, I'm not so sure. So when I feel this way, when I find myself overwhelmed, feeling that there's something I need to do, and doubting that I have the whole support of the whole universe to do so, occasionally. And then maybe after all, I really am separate, you know, and need to make something happen of my own power, you know. So when I find myself feeling this way, I perform a quick test that has been taught to me by our Buddhist ancestors and that I wanted to share with you. a wonderful test of my connection, of our connection.

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I don't think I'm connected to the universe. I don't feel supported by all beings and life itself right now. Not sure I really belong here. in this life, in this world. I'm not sure it's okay. I'm not sure I have your support. So when I think in this way, when I feel this, I try immediately to perform this test. And I'd like to do this with you for a moment, if you don't mind. It only takes a minute, and it always works. a money-back guarantee that you will experience the way that the whole universe supports you to be alive in this moment.

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You have to be sincere in this for it to work, but it doesn't take much time. So first we come into our body, please, if you'd like. Sit up a little more straight than you were a moment ago. whatever that means for you in your body. And maybe exhale fully. Okay, now as we enter this test, there's something you, a really important point, is that during the time of this test, we can't tell life what to do. It's a test about whether we are supported. So if we take charge of the situation, then we're not going to learn whether or not we're supported. So don't be in charge. Don't tell life what to do next.

[08:38]

Okay, so now we exhale again all the way out. I'm going to add one more piece, which is this time as you exhale, don't reach for anything at all. Don't hold your breath exactly, but don't try to get the inhalation. Don't reach for the inhalation. Don't try to do anything or make anything. Just let everything fall away, everything melt away as you exhale, and then extend that exhalation beyond the end. of the exhalation. Just exhale all the way out. Don't try to do anything to get an inhalation. Ready? So all the way out, exhaling. Not reaching.

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Letting everything go. Not doing anything yourself. Something happens. Something amazing happened. I think it happened. Did it happen? Did an inhalation arrive? So we exhale completely. We say, you know what? I'm not going to make anything happen. Exhale beyond the end of the exhalation. And then an inhalation comes. A Zen teacher might say, do you understand? Suzuki Roshi taught this practice and he says, surely one of you understood.

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So where did that inhalation come from? Who did that? Who did that inhalation? So if we really can connect, can exhale fully without trying to get anything, and connect to the feeling of this inhalation, we can't help but to notice that it was given to us. It was given to us. We did not make it happen. Our life is given to us. So what more practical proof could we possibly want that the universe, that life itself is supporting us, that life is something we're receiving through the support of all beings, through the support of life itself, not something we're separate from and creating. We are part of this. We are held by this. We're given life and given our breath.

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Suzuki Roshi says of this inhalation when we receive it, surprise! And then he says, well, you know, fortunately or unfortunately. So this doesn't mean, you know, just because we're supported by the universe, just because we're part of life itself and always are held in that fabric of life itself, you know, that doesn't mean things are going our way. It just means we're totally held. and totally not separate from anything. So we can let go and we can be held by life itself. We can relax and open and receive our life instead of tensing up and moving forward, trying to do our life. Some of us need to do this test quite regularly.

[12:59]

The insight slips. So there's two aspects that I wanted to talk about of this insight. When we understand that we are given life and that we are of the whole of life, that we are, what we are is just life itself. We're not separate. There's nothing separate. As we warm up to this, open to this, experience this, two aspects are present. One is great relief. And the other is great responsibility. So as for the relief, I hope that you felt that in exhaling completely, And in your body, noticing that life is received, not something you need to create.

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And if it didn't quite sink in this time, please try it again. Just exhale fully and see where does that inhalation come from. When we stop thinking, stop trying to make life happen, Does it keep happening? Yes. It's received. We are held. What a relief to be supported by the whole universe every moment. We call this refuge in Buddha. It's a great shelter, a great relief, a great release and relaxation. It's safety and support. So the other aspect is a great responsibility knowing that we are of life itself, that we are together with everything.

[15:19]

I'm talking about oneness, you could say, that none of us are separate from anything else. None of us are separate from the whole of life itself. There's great support in that we can... Rest ourselves against the strength of strings no voice could hope to hum, as the great sage Dylan invites. Rest ourselves against that fabric of total support. And yet that same being with, being one with, being together with, being fundamentally not separate from anything, also means that we ourselves are Supporting all things. This same connection, the same intimacy with everything that we can rest in, that is everything, life itself supporting us, that same connection means we are supporting life. We are supporting everything else.

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So those who understand this interdependence, this interconnection, this oneness, who understand that thoroughly and really are able to rest in that support, also see that there's a great responsibility there, because since we're not separate, everything we do matters totally. This is the weight. There's the great relief, the great lightness, and the great weight. How we hold these two together. So if I were separate and alone, some of us might imagine that that would be preferable to this barely bearable intimacy with all beings. So if we could be separate, if we could actually be cut off from things and separate and alone, then it would be really painful and difficult, but at least we wouldn't be affecting other people. At least we wouldn't be impacting.

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At least what we do wouldn't matter because we would be out somewhere on our own planet, alone, but able to do whatever we want. No consequence, right? So if it were really just my life that I was doing with my own power, then it shouldn't matter to anyone else what I do with it. But as we've seen, it's not just my life, it's our shared life. And with that, there's this responsibility, this weight of knowing that our actions matter. If everything depends on me, just as I depend on everything, then how I live really matters. I think this is a hallmark of a mature person.

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A mature person understands that what we do matters. And from the Buddha's point of view, we're mostly none of us mature. I imagine often the Buddha thinking, if you knew, if you really knew that what you did, how deeply what you did, what you thought, what you said, what you did, if you deeply knew how much that mattered, Your effort might be a little different. So in Buddhism, we talk about the karma of body, speech, and mind, pointing to the truth that what we do with our body and what we say with our words and even what comes up, what we feed or let go of in our mind, that all of these are consequential, that they matter. It matters what we do. So it matters to us and to everyone else how we take care of our mind.

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When we let our mind spiral out into hatred, for example, that matters. Even if we're all alone, this couldn't possibly matter. It's inside my mind and I'm alone. Or an action or a word by myself. How could this matter to anyone else? No one hears me. In this teaching of how deeply we're all connected, everything we do matters. So how do we hold that? How do we work with that? In our mind, you know, this is very important. We allow whatever's in our mind to be present. But what parts of our mind do we feed? If we knew that our thoughts mattered, you know, not what thoughts would we somehow manage to not have, but which thoughts do we feed? Which thoughts would we water? And which would we release? How we use our words really matters. How we use our body really matters.

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Sometimes we see this and sometimes we don't. The Buddha is very clear that we don't see all the ways that this works. Which is why sometimes we can do something and say, well, that didn't really matter. Sometimes I do things that don't really matter. I do something and it doesn't really seem to... affect things so much. So in this understanding, we don't need to see how it matters. We just know that the connections, the consequences of our actions are moving through the whole network of life all the time, leaving an impression. Not only leaving an impression on a fixed world, but actually creating the world that we all then get to or have to live in, in the next moment and into the future. Our action creates the world. So the

[22:08]

the great relief of knowing that we don't have to live alone or isolated and the great responsibility of knowing that we can't we can't live alone or isolated so I don't know how it is for you but if you hear that what you do and say and feed in your mind, hearing that that really matters, it feels a great weight. And how we hold that weight is really important. We sometimes hear that what we do every moment, the whole universe depends on what we do with our body and speech and mind every moment. That's a great responsibility of knowing that our thoughts and words and actions actually create the world for all of us in the next moment and indelibly, unerasably.

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So sometimes we become confused or paralyzed or overwhelmed or ashamed. Oh my God, my thoughts create the world. I'm so sorry. How do we hold this? So this is why we have this refuge. We are not holding this alone. We're not responsible alone. And we do this test. And we remember that what we are is life living itself. We rest receiving life. And then we do the work of being totally responsible to life. Holding these together, the mature person figures out how to hold this great relief of knowing that all we are is life itself, moment by moment, supported by all of life.

[24:24]

And then this great weight and responsibility that what I do matters deeply to all beings. So how do we live in a way that acknowledges that what we do really matters and that also allows our life to flow without hesitation or second-guessing or great self-concern? Which would be obstacles. It actually matters so much that we can't panic about how much it matters. There's no time to panic about how much it matters, what we do, because it really matters. So what holds us, what supports us in that great weight? We often recite this line from our Soto Zen ancestor, Dogen Zenji, who says, to carry yourself forward and experience myriad things is delusion, that myriad things come forth

[25:34]

and experience themselves is awakening. In other words, to walk forward alone into life is delusion. It's like, I'm over here, life is over there, here I go. Awakening is this whole life thing is arising altogether moment after moment. Each thing is just realizing itself. The inhalation is realizing itself. The exhalation realizing itself. So we can touch that, we can notice, wait, I'm not, apart from this, like applying myself to some world that's outside me. I'm given life moment after moment by everything. And now, what I do matters totally. What I do matters more than I know, more than any of us know.

[26:43]

So I see the flow of life of a mature person is this flow, this ease within the great relief of being supported and the great burden of being responsible for all of life. Like the left and right foot in walking. Supporting others and being supported by others. Some of us think that we're really supporting others. Hopping on one foot. To be receiving the support of the whole universe, resting in that, knowing that we are just part of life. We are just life itself unfolding. and then supporting, supporting others. You know, in a moment of practice, a way I see this flow living itself out is to establish our intention to become aware that what we do matters and to intend to support the thriving of all beings, to contact our clarity and sincerity about the life we want to live,

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and then exhaling, and just acting, just moving, just flowing with life, and then receiving the information from that moment. Each moment is giving us information about what we're doing, how we're living. So then we absorb that information. That's this cultivation of wisdom, noticing how we're affecting things around us, being open to that, receiving that. letting that clarify our wisdom and our sincerity and our intention. Here's how I want to live. Really knowing that, and then just living. And then checking, hmm, how's that going? How do other people think that's going? How do I think that's going? So this balance of taking good care of each thing and letting go, being supported by... the dynamic, the two aspects of our oneness that I wanted to express today.

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So for you young people stepping into or flowering with everything into maturity, to consider this, if you think you're alone, just breathe out. And all of life will give you a new breath. You couldn't have possibly done alone. And then to know, to know deeply that because of that same oneness, because of that same connection to life, how I act, what I do, matters even if I can't see how it matters. And if we think, well, it shouldn't matter. Shouldn't matter that I did that. Everything we do matters. It's too heavy. And so then we exhale again.

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Receiving support and supporting others. The left and right foot walking. So we offer our deepest blessings. through our practice, to all of you young people here and all of you people of every age here and everywhere as we dedicate the practice, dedicate the merit, dedicate the good roots of our practice together to the full maturity of and liberation for all suffering beings. Thank you very much for your Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our programs are made possible by the donations we receive. Please help us to continue to realize and actualize the practice of giving by offering your financial support.

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For more information, visit sfzc.org and click Giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

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