This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzz.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning. practice ask of you? It's an interesting kind of double-edged question, you know? In one hand, enticing us into making up definitions of what practice is and how it's supposed to be engaged and

[01:02]

maybe even what the outcome is supposed to be. And yet, mind is such a powerful expression of human existence. When we do Zazen, for almost all of us, a great deal of attention and engagement goes into relating to what arises in mind. And in this column that Dogen Zenji mentions in the Fukunza Zenki, Yakusans, think not thinking, monk's wonderful response, you know, how exactly do you think about not thinking?

[02:09]

When my grandson, Marcello, was about three and a half, I asked him about, what does practice ask of you? Since he's so precocious, I thought, well, let's not make it too simple. So I asked him about in the three realms, what does practice ask of you? And he stopped and he looked up at me and said, are you talking to me? And I thought, there he goes again, nailing it completely. What is that question about? If you can remember so far back, maybe you can't. That's okay. Maybe it's better forgotten. But the first class we had after the last sasheen, I asked you, well, what did you learn?

[03:27]

What did you learn about the yoga of awareness? What did you learn about... sustaining your intention, your resolve? What did you learn about abiding in presence? What did you learn about your own emotional and mental patterns? What did you learn about opening to the one body of being? And then you split into pairs and acted like you actually learned something. I think... And this learning process... Maybe we could say, what we're talking about, what are the insights that are evoked

[04:39]

rather than what did your mind conclude in the realm of constructed thoughts in relationship to the experience of shashin i would just be piling more thoughts upon other thoughts Reckless as he is, William Stafford took up this notion in one of his poems. Learning. We were singing one day about justice, and a piece of iron fell from somewhere down the street. At least, I think it was justice. It was iron, all right. One time we were early for the rainbow. Lightning waited, crawling for a place to go. would decide in a minute and then forget in the gray cloud and maybe stay home it's hard to learn that zigzag before it happens and not much use after it's gone you hold your head still and wonder about the world but you can't catch it no matter how far and wide or hard

[06:09]

Strange things in this world go together, even when you don't try. How music permeates metal, how a burden you carry takes on a color or leads to a dream that you're going to have when the burden's gone. Learning, they call it. This anticipated lightning, this thinking around an experience and bringing it right. It's hard to tell if the connection is yours or the world's, if it all comes together and you say, I know. But the biggest things and the smallest keep right on. What's the difference if you understand? This heavy will keep being heavy and these things that will get you. And the things that will get you will get you just the same. do you think non-thinking, not thinking?

[07:22]

How does what does practice ask of you both conjure up some specificity and at the same time invite you beyond all the ideas and notions and judgments and opinions that you have about practice. And as we start Sashin, you know, this period of initiation where something is coming into being, interacting with whatever the thoughts, the strategies, the emotions that are carrying over from what's gone before.

[08:34]

And to not get busy fixing it, to not get busy parsing it out into... or inappropriate. But to notice what is the disposition that greets it. Does it reveal some notion of what should be happening? mind should be like this. The attentiveness should be like this. The sooner I get into that somewhat equanimous, attentive state of presence, the better. Or is there something more utilitarian?

[09:49]

How am I going to deal with that pain in my left hip, right shoulder, ankle, knee, heart? What's my strategy? can there be an attitude that allows that arising? It doesn't try to take control of it, but acknowledges and learns. And in that interplay between the request of practice and the arising of our habituated being.

[10:57]

Within that interplay, a learning. What is Dogen talking about when he says going beyond thinking? Is the mind utterly quiet and serene? Has it been tamed into an orderly relationship between attention to breath, sensations in the body? What is the place of renunciation, non-attachment, in the alchemy of staying present. In some ways, to let the yoga of being present start to be relevant

[12:19]

what's going on. And to notice and acknowledge when the stories that are relevant, significant to our psychological being, when they insist upon asserting themselves. Can they be not a definition of the world, but a definition of themselves? Can they be acknowledged like that? And in that acknowledging, in that willingness to be just this and not need to fix it, escape it, purify it, glorify it, something's learned.

[13:22]

many years I've heard that tweet. I thought it was a bird. And then someone, and they seem to be speaking with authority, said, no, it's an alarm cry made by a grand squirrel. And now my mind still says, Sounds like a bird to me. But he said it with such certainty. There's some doubt in there. And the interesting thing, when the play of the mind is just seen for what it is, it's its own It has its own completion.

[14:35]

The sound invites back awareness. Not because something has been figured out, something's been resolved, something has been led to rest. in the impermanent interconnectedness of existence, the world is not led to rest. The world is a dynamic, interactive flow. As Dogen's Yankee says, when we get close to that, grasping it, saying, that's it, doesn't make sense anymore.

[15:48]

When we're not so close, he says, then we're inclined to say, that's it. As we get closer, the dynamic interplay becomes more evident. So in some ways, some valuable and informative ways, as we're starting to settle into this machine, we might think, oh, when's this mind going to quiet down? When's it going to become more orderly? When is it going to crack open the story, according to me, and illuminate now with greater being? To remind ourselves, this very mind is Buddha.

[17:02]

This mind that arises now. However it arises, whatever it brings forth. As we engage like that, to notice as thoroughly, as exactly as you can, the disposition, the touch of engagement. Personally, I wouldn't call that thinking mind, but it's a mind of inquiry, the mind that's receptive and learning from what's happening. We're right close to the middle of the practice period.

[18:19]

And we've had skit night to prove it. we're right close to the middle of being the person we are and the fascinating thing is it as we get closer more and more it has the feeling of nothing special After this we'll have kenhin, maybe it'll be outside, who knows. Then we'll do zazan, then we'll have lunch. And the temptation for some deep instinctive part of us to say, I've done it before, I can survive.

[19:34]

I can get through this. There's empirical evidence to support that statement. Not to dismiss that voice, but to not let it be the whole story. And to remember that what practice asks of us is not only to find a skillful way to relate to our suffering, but it also asks of us to be fully alive. It asks us not to just simply get through it, survive, cope with it. There is an edge. There is... beyond the habituated, the usual.

[20:43]

That as we keep exploring what does practice ask of me, we start to touch a bottomless depth. We start to touch a sense of freedom that's maybe more than we bargained for. And how do we stay close to that? How do we stay close to the tremors of our own deep vulnerabilities and wounds and process of healing? How do we stay close in a way that nurtures trust?

[21:59]

So earlier in the practice period I offered patience and benevolence, patience and a kindly attitude to what's going on. This delicate balance between asking of yourself to fully commit and at the same time offering benevolence and patience. It's my own experience with myself and listening to others is that most of us mess it up most of the time. We lean one way or the other. All sorts of reasons.

[23:05]

Some notion of the exquisite nature of open awareness that has equanimity and clear attention. Indeed, an extraordinary state and yet if we cling to it if we make it the goal we lose track we lose connection to the openness the inclusivity of simple presence And then if we lean the other way into patience and benevolence, the near enemy becomes getting comfortable, settling down into just cruising along.

[24:41]

How do we find the balance between the two? How can our diligence and dedication balance with the deep trust and acceptance of the nature of what is? And for each of us, as Dogen Zenji says, to study the ways to study the self. We study by experiencing what arises as we practice. And then as Dogen tries to talk about the fascicle Zao Zen Shin.

[25:54]

This study has an interesting kind of involvement. I've been scanning five translations and it's interesting at certain points which you might think are crucial. The way they translate a couple of crucial phrases varies, you know, and gives it a completely different meaning. Leaves me thinking, hmm, what a subtle point this is. Learning, being informed by our experience without holding on to fixed ideas.

[27:07]

Something in me says, oh, let the breath learn. Let the body learn. The mind is so powerful. Not to say it's an either or, but I would say to you, let the breath learn. Let the body learn. Let the inhale inhale. Let it teach you what it is to let living be lived.

[28:16]

That it doesn't need to be mediated by what the mind would like to dictate. Let the exhale demonstrate letting go. Let the exhale demonstrate release. Sometimes like a sigh, sometimes with the precision of non-attachment. And letting the body find its own samadhi in the realm of sensation.

[29:23]

That it starts experiencing the body starts to shift from being a sequence of conceptualizations my arm my leg my shoulder my abdomen to realms of sensation and as the body settles as the mind settles As the energy flows, these realms of sensation intertwine. It's not something the mind figures out or dictates. It's a learning, a yogic learning beyond mind. And are these attributes the goal of zazen?

[30:42]

No, they're merely helpful ways to direct attention and energy. If we take them as a goal, again, we've distracted ourselves into gain and loss. we've just replaced our usual karmic patterns with a new and improved, so-called new and improved set of karmic patterns. And indeed, the karmic tendencies of our being to either try too hard or hold back from trying will infuse the new strategy. So as we start into this machine, maybe a sense of wonder.

[31:59]

Maybe, are you talking to me? another strange this one's an interesting poem by William Stafford it's called notice what this poem is not doing notice what this poem is not doing the light along the hills in the morning comes down slowly naming the trees white then coasting the grow the ground for stones to nominate notice what this poem is not doing a house a house a barn the old quarry where the river shrugs how much of this place is yours notice what this poem is not doing every person gone has taken a stone to hold

[33:22]

and catch the sun. The carving says, not here, but called away. Notice what this poem is not doing. The sun, the earth, the sky, all wait. The crows and the red birds talk. The light along the hills has come, has find you. Notice what this poem has not done. Notice what the sign of the chirping has not done. Notice what the eye is seeing.

[34:27]

is not imposing on experience. Notice what allowing the breath to breathe the body offers but does not insist upon. Notice what the sensations in the body reveal but do not dictate conclusions about And of course, let's admit our minds and bodies and breath are still settling into this new world that we've visited before, but somehow mysteriously forget its subtle details.

[36:24]

Please, just cause abiding in it doesn't come easily. Explore what it is to invite it. Explore the yoga. the body can be engaged the way the breath can be engaged to support it. And in that regard, I want to say this about what happens at exercise time. I would say, please don't do a form of exercise that tightens your body, that tires out your muscles.

[37:36]

Please do a form of exercise that keeps asking for attention to the experience of the body, that invigorates and energizes rather than depletes. guideline I would offer you is whatever you do, don't ask of 100% physical exertion. Maybe ask of 70% and add more attention to staying aware as you do it. This is, you know, of all the yogic wisdoms, using the word yoga in a very broad sense, that which yokes physical being to awareness, of all the yogic wisdoms, this kind of interplay of exertion and full awareness in the midst of exertion.

[39:07]

If you listen to your breath, you'll see when you're overexerting. You'll hear it. So that you can return replenished, you know? Rather than uncomfortably separated from your Zazen body. And as we go through this machine, you know, we will explore this notion of the yoga of practice of leaking, you know, that which dissipates the energy of body and mind, that which recreates a kind of distracted, dissipated state of being.

[40:10]

In a way, the practice we're doing is quite unusual. On one hand, in terms of the yoga of practice, it's quite specific. But there is no fixed definition of outcome. What that quite specific is can vary, and certainly I would welcome you, as I'm sure the other practice leaders would, to discuss that in Doga-san, our practice discussion. As we go through Sushin, it's not at all unusual. To have moments when we're in states of consciousness, where not knowing is not an intentional thing, but something that's thoroughly taken hold in a way that leaves us wondering, what is my body?

[41:37]

How do you breathe again? What am I doing here? So to have a specific way of engaging, that you return to, that you start each period with, that you end each period with. When the bell rings to end the period, just pause right there. What's happening now? What state of mind? What state of body? What state of breath? within Zazen and outside of Zazen, returning. What's happening now? What state of mind? What state of body? What state of breath? We never, in the realm of practice, we never abandon the basics.

[42:48]

practice the basics and the basics will continue teaches the more thoroughly we practice the more they have to teach the more they will act as a counterpoint to the way we can get stuck in our thoughts and feelings offer us glimpses, views, abiding in the open invitation to be fully alive, the more they will illuminate our karmic life, that we will more thoroughly

[44:06]

make sense of ourselves. Oh, if thinking and feeling are like this, well, no wonder I am inclined to do this, say this, think this, feel this. And still, every period, we start with the basics. Thank you. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered free of charge, and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click giving.

[45:06]

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