Good morning. I'm feeling very grateful to be practicing with you all today and to be in the in the midst of this assembly that includes practitioners from all three practice places of the San Francisco Zen Center and visiting practice places, people who have just begun to practice, people who have been practicing for a long time. It has a very wide feeling Tomorrow we'll be celebrating and having a ceremony of bodhisattva initiation for two people who are receiving the precepts.

[01:27]

And those two people are sitting, one is down here, Michaela, and next to her, Tom Harrington. Michaela Bono and Tom Harrington will be receiving the precepts tomorrow afternoon. in a ceremony, and I wanted to talk about precepts, Bodhisattva precepts, and also a little about the Gendro Koan, and Perhaps something about our resistance to receiving the precepts, or fears maybe. So we recited the Ganjo Koan this morning, the fascicle, the teaching of Dogen Zenji, translated in English as by one translator,

[02:35]

as actualizing the fundamental point, Genjo Koan. And in one part, one paragraph, it talks about practicing intimately and returning to where we are. When we practice intimately and return to where we are, we understand that nothing at all has unchanging self, or we understand one of the most basic of the Buddhist teachings, the non-separate, independent self. And this particular... practice intimately and return to where you are is translated a number of different ways, and I wanted to offer these so that we could circle around what this particular teaching is.

[03:50]

So another translation of that part, practice intimately and return to where you are, is... familiarize ourselves with our actual conduct and come back to this concrete place. And the character for intimate has within it family or kin, the family ties or parental family kin So familiarize ourselves and practice intimately and resonate. Familiarize ourselves. When we're familiar with something, we really know it thoroughly and well, just like a family member. Familiarize ourselves with our actual conduct and come back to this concrete place, this place right here,

[05:00]

This moment. That's Nishijima. I think I have Nishijima and Nishiyama, both two different teachers. That might be Nishijima. Yeah, Nishijima. Another teacher, Okamura Roshi, says, when we intimately practice and return right here, Another is, this is Waddell Abe, and it uses the male gender. If he turns back within himself, making all his daily deeds immediately and directly his own, the reason all things have no selfhood becomes clear. So this again is turning back within ourselves and make our daily deeds immediately and directly our own.

[06:09]

Another is intimately engaged in daily activities. One returns right here. This is all pointing to our daily activities. being intimate with our conduct, familiar with our conduct. And this, all this is, there's more, there's so many translations of the Ganjo Koan. Another is, but if one pays close attention to one's own actions, the truth that things are not self will be clear. That's from Cleary. Another is if you live truly and return to the source. So this part of the Genjo Koan is pointing out, asking us, contrasting with a confused body and mind right before it says, if you examine myriad things with a confused body and mind,

[07:29]

you might suppose that your mind and nature are permanent, which is a kind of a mistaken idea. But if you're confused, then we make lots of mistakes about the way things are coming to be. So then Dogen asks us to practice intimately, look at our life, look at our daily activity, look at our conduct, and be familiar and intimate with that, then we will see that nothing at all has unchanging self, that there aren't permanent things. And not only that, but this flowing, ever-changing life is not external to us. So this leads directly to the question, well, how do you practice intimately?

[08:31]

How do you examine our conduct? How do we familiarize ourselves with our daily deeds and our daily activities? I think we all might have the experience of, what did I do today? What was, it's just gone, you know? What happened to the day? What did I talk about with those people? So our life can be, one of my favorite phrases, frittered away. Fritters are, you know, this fried dough and it sits in the oil, olive oil, let's say, and it just sits there and bubbles and bubbles and bubbles. Frittering away our time. Bubble, bubble, bubble. So the bodhisattva or enlightenment being is one who through their own life energies, their own

[09:55]

causes and conditions of that unique life, it occurs to them, it comes forth in that life stream, which is not separated from the rest of the life streams, but it is very particular and unique. And within that life stream there arises a thought, actually. I would say it comes first as a thought. And the thought is, I want to live a life that's of benefit. And not only that, I want to dedicate myself to that, to be of benefit to all beings. And it may just come just like that, some kind of seemingly out of the blue. very clear.

[10:59]

And this, the bodhisattva vows which we recite regularly and we'll recite after the lecture, we'll recite. There's the first bodhisattva vow, I vow, to save all beings, which is this initial thought of wanting to live for the benefit of all beings. And the save can be of benefit completely and liberate and awaken with all beings forever. But how do we do that? How do we even begin? How do we even begin to take good care of ourselves and liberate ourselves and wake up and familiarize. I think we start by familiarizing ourselves with how we are, what our actions are, what we do all day, how we speak, actions of how we think, actions of body, speech, and mind.

[12:18]

But mind actually comes first. Our verbal and bodily actions come forth from our mind, how we think about things. So the Bodhisattva precepts start out with taking refuge. In Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha there's sixteen Bodhisattva precepts, and the first three are taking refuge. In some ways, we don't know what it means to take refuge in Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha. And I think it's sometimes helpful to think about what do we not want to take refuge in, to come at it from that angle. So we might find, well, I don't want to take refuge in, or maybe I used to take refuge in a certain kind of action, a certain kind of speech, a certain kind of...

[13:33]

use of intoxicants, be it substances or ideas or entertainment, you know, various things where we took refuge in that. We went to those places to feel safe and protected and okay and comfortable and to assuage our uncomfortable feelings, our anxiety. dis-ease, unease. Maybe we took refuge in all sorts of things and we realized it didn't work, actually. I didn't feel calmer, happier, more available to others. Taking good care of this body, it actually was counterproductive. So I don't want to take refuge in those things anymore because it's not real refuge. The very very momentary very and the consequences may be more trouble maybe more difficulties so what would it be to take refuge in something else if all those everything I've tried doesn't work to really meet my

[15:01]

unhappiness or fears or to meet this vow that's come forth of wanting to live for the benefit of others. It's at cross purposes to take refuge in certain things. That's not a benefit. We can see that. Or the question is, can we be intimate enough, practice intimately enough, familiarize ourselves with our conduct, be very close to our daily activities so that we can see nothing's hidden. It will reveal itself that this isn't working. This is causing more suffering. This is confusing. I feel more confused. So through our own practice and attending, we can discern. So there comes up a feeling of wanting to

[16:05]

let go of these things or renounce things that don't work and cause harm. So then what do I want to take refuge in? I want to take refuge in people or a teacher or teachings that are awake to what is beneficial and what is not beneficial. That's working towards not being more confused. That is speaking about the truth of how we are completely interdependent with one another and that our actions have effects and consequences, that things are impermanent and that there's no separate self that's apart from that.

[17:09]

These kinds of teachings may seem like unfamiliar, may seem unfamiliar, and yet ring has some resonance or ringing true, or there's a resonance in us of that there's something there that meets me that I feel I can trust. But let us not take it just by hearsay or because other people do. We have to find out for ourselves. So the first three taking refuge in Buddha, Dharma and Sangha. Sangha is the community of beings. Every Sangha in the Ten Directions, both people, animals and plant sanghas or ecosystems taking refuge in the truth of how this functions for benefit.

[18:25]

I should back up a little bit because in the ceremony, before you receive the precepts, First, there's some preparatory actions of body, speech, and mind that come first. Because to just jump into taking refuge and receiving the precepts, we may not be fully present or fully prepared. And one thing that prepares us is what we do every day in service. Part of our service is to... confess and repent all my ancient twisted karma from beginningless greed, hate and delusion born through body, speech and mind. I acknowledge that, I avow it and admit that I have acted in ways that are not a benefit coming from greed, hate and delusion. So we first admit that completely.

[19:31]

And then there's a kind of renunciation of going for refuge in all these other places and other ways that are not so, that aren't beneficial that we see. And then there's other things that happen, but then we're ready. Some purifying the space. actually even before the ceremony, the ordinands are through this weekend of sitting, one day sitting, and being quiet, and there's a ceremonial bath, which is very traditional before a ceremony, and really preparing body, speech, and mind, preparing ourselves thoroughly, as thoroughly as we can, to receive Buddhist precepts, Bodhisattva precepts, Buddhist precepts.

[20:47]

So, the precepts themselves, I think, at first might look like rules or a bunch of prohibitions, because sometimes they're written in the negative, a disciple of Buddha doesn't do something rather than I vow to do something. Or even if it is I vow to do something, it's often in the negative. So we can have a reaction sometimes to the precepts as, this is a lot of rules, a lot of strictures, a lot of, this is going to cramp my style, you know, if I receive the precepts. Someone might think, right, at first. this is going to stop me from living a happy life because I'm so tight. And working with people over the years, certain precepts, it kind of comes down to really having to look at what this means because it's a big stumbling block because if I take this precept, maybe I can't spend time with my family anymore or it's because they...

[22:04]

They have a tendency to act in a certain way, and I won't be able to, or I won't be able to have a glass of wine with them at dinner. So there's a number of notions we have about the precepts and how they can bind us or put us in some kind of bondage. But I think this is a misunderstanding of the precepts and how the precepts function. So the Sanskrit word shila, which translates as precepts, you could say, or ethical conduct, shila, samadhi, and prajna, these three morality or precepts, concentration, samadhi, and wisdom or insights go together.

[23:07]

And the shila, the word in Sanskrit connotes a mind or a mode of a mind of volition or voluntary action which isn't just a mind itself but manifests in our body and speech. Shila is not just... You can't separate a mind. There isn't a mind that exists and floats around without bodily action and verbal action. So the precepts become not prohibitions but a guide like the North Star or something that we can orient to and guide ourselves by. We've just come through as a community and as individuals, not everyone in the room, certainly, but maybe everybody in the room.

[24:20]

We've just come through about several months, two months for sure, of some intense times, some great loss, great anxiety, great fear of loss. And in terms of our beloved friends and fellow practitioners and loss with Michael Sawyer's death, but not only in the community, there's been loss within our families, family members dying in the wider community, people we know getting very ill and grace within the community having this terrible accident and almost losing her and then her slow recovery and then we have Tassahara and the great changes that

[25:37]

have occurred within Tassahara and within each person who is part of Tassahara, which is a wide, wide, wide number of people who care and are affected by Tassahara in all their individual, through their own karmic life, in all the different ways. So how have each one of us, and I think this is important to spend time reflecting on how we've practiced with this during this time of great change, intense loss, intense anxiety and fears. How have we practiced? How have the precepts arisen during this time? Have they been of help? Have they been a guide?

[26:38]

Another definition of shila, this morality or ethical conduct, is, or precepts, is being awake. Precepts as being awake. And I think this comes back to the Ganjo Koanen. Practice intimately and return to where you are and you will see the truth of this life. Practice intimately, familiarize yourself with your conduct, being close with your daily activities, being awake. This is all different ways of saying being awake to our life. In the minutia of our life, in how we speak, In how our body speaks, our body language, in all the myriad ways that we function, being awake is another way of saying precepts. And in this shila, samadhi and prajna, this kind of circle of precepts or being awake and samadhi,

[27:59]

our ability to settle, completely settle when we're awake to our daily activities and awake to our verbal and our thoughts. When we're awake to how things are, we can settle. It doesn't mean that disturbing thoughts go away or our anxiety or dis-ease disappears all of a sudden, but we... are aware and awake of, this is what I'm feeling, this is what I'm thinking, and this is what I'm saying, you know. And this is how I'm moving through space. When we're aware of this, awake to this, we can settle right there, practice intimately and return to where we are. And this is, you might say, the samadhi or the absorption or concentration of the moment to know where we are, what we're saying, what we're doing.

[29:03]

And in this settledness there can be prajna, wisdom or insight. Practice intimately and return to where we are and it will be clear that nothing at all has unchanging self. I think you could say this is shila, samadhi, and prajna, right in that genjo koan, those little sentences there, those couple sentences. Practice intimately, precepts, return to where you are, samadhi, concentration, this moment, and you will see insight, prajna, nothing at all has unchanging self. In the lineage paper, which the ordinands, we found out that we were saying ordinees, but it's actually ordinands before you're ordained and then after you're ordained, it's ordinee.

[30:09]

So I'm using the word ordinand. It sounds a little funny, but fresh, kind of fresh ordinand. So the ordinands receive during the ceremony, after this getting ready to come to the ceremony, purifying themselves in various ways, and settling down, and offering incense, and offering boughs, so offering with actions of body, speech, and mind. Then, before, I'm kind of going backwards, before receiving the precepts, they receive a new name, or a dharma name, or a way name. And... This name is almost like a kanodoko, or a spiritual resonance between the person and their mentor, the person, their preceptor, the person who's been working with them and getting to know them.

[31:19]

So the cues come from the person, and yet the mentor who's working with them sees something and may have an intuition about something there. So there's a name, it's the Dharma name or the practice name or way name. You receive a name and then you receive new clothes. You receive the raksu, which is the miniature Buddhist robe of five panels, which each... Or Nand has sown themselves, sometimes with a little help from their friends, and sometimes not. And that is then given to them to clothe themselves freshly. So a new name and new clothes, and then avowing karma and renouncing ways that are counter to being awake.

[32:24]

really, we call those worldly ways, but not that the world is, it's not a deprecating thing to call it the worldly ways, but if we look at our world and the way things are going, they're often going counter to being awake to things and more towards going to sleep and being lulled, maybe, not so awake to suffering, to the suffering of others, but to lull us. So there's a renunciation of being lulled, asleep, and... being prepared to take on, take up and receive awakening Buddha precepts, Bodhisattva precepts.

[33:33]

And practicing the precepts themselves, it's not that the precepts lead us to being settled and settledness leads us to insight. Right within practicing the precepts themselves, precepts as being awake, is... settledness and insight, right within the precepts themselves. It's not, first I'll practice the precepts and then later on, but in the midst of practicing the precepts, there's a settling and a waking up. And another gift that the Ordinese receive, after they've received all the precepts, they receive what's called a lineage paper, a kechimiyaku, which literally... literally means a blood vein. So it's a paper that shows that the precepts are the veins or the precepts are like the blood in a circulatory system of all the Buddhas and ancestors and all beings who have received the precepts are in one family.

[34:55]

one family of precept-ness. So the lineage paper shows that in a graphic form, in a physical form, it shows this vein of precepts and all the family members, not all of them, but family members from this lineage, from Shakyamuni Buddha all the way through different bodhisattvas and ancestors through four countries, India, China, Japan, and into our lineage paper has through Suzuki Roshi in this country and Suzuki Roshi's disciples and their disciples to the new ordinands who at that time when they received that had been our ordinees. And their name is on that paper along with all those other people And on that lineage paper at the bottom, it says that the precept vein is the one great Dharma gate of Zen.

[36:07]

The Zen gate and the precept gate are not separate. So it's not that we practice the precepts for something else to happen sometime later, although we don't negate cause and effect and consequences, but practicing the precepts is being awake and is the Zen gate, the gate of our practice. Our sitting and our Sazen practice and our work practice and our practice of... our interactions with each other and the great earth and suffering of the world is precept practice, being awake practice. And what does being awake practice look like? Well, it kind of looks like taking refuge in things that are conducive to waking up and to liberation, being very clear about what our conduct is of body, speech and mind,

[37:21]

which means the ten grave precepts kind of show the shape of this, you know, help us to see what is of benefit or what is not of benefit. So the ten include not taking life or not killing, not taking what is not given, not misusing sexuality, not lying, not intoxicating mind or body of self or others, not slandering others or talking about other people's faults, not praising ourself at the expense of others, not being possessive of anything, not harboring ill will and not disparaging the Buddha, the Dharma and the Sangha. So these are the ten grave precepts which kind of fill out, help us to fill out what it looks like to practice.

[38:23]

Now, there's a sutra. I wanted to say something about the sutra from the Pali canon, the Kalama Sutra from the Anguttara Nikaya collection of suttas. And this sutta is very famous for where the Buddha talks about not taking things by hearsay, or because other people are doing it, or because you read it in a book, or you saw it on the news, or on the internet, or it's known, it's kind of famous, for being the sutra where the Buddha talks about really inquiring into things and not taking things just because somebody in authority said it.

[39:29]

So I wanted to read a couple of things from this sutra. I'm not sure if I should read the kind of gist of it or the actual from the sutta. Basically, to set the stage of the sutta, the Buddha came to a group of villagers and they had some questions for him. They were the... The Kalamas. And what they said to the Buddha was, there's a lot of different teachers who come here, and when they come, they expound their teaching and praise their way and their teaching, and then they, it's a bunch of D words, they disparage and deprecate and revile and show contempt for other people's teachings.

[40:48]

And then the next teacher comes, maybe from that group, and then they expound and praise their own way, and they deprecate and disparage and revile and show contempt for somebody else's teaching. And so the Kalamas ask the Buddha, well, how do we know which is the right way? One says one thing, one says the other. How are we to know? because one is glorifying their own teacher and deprecating and then the opposite is true. How can we find out? So the Buddha basically said, well, of course you're in doubt and of course you're unclear. When there are reasons for doubt, uncertainty is born. I'm reading from this. So in this case, he says to the Kalamas, don't go by reports, by legends, by traditions, by scripture, by logical conjecture, by inference, by analogies, by agreement through pondering views, by probability or by thought.

[42:09]

When you know for yourselves, and this means you have to do the work yourselves to find out, rather than, oh, well, so-and-so does it or said it, so I'll just go with that. You have to know for yourself that particular qualities are unskillful, blameworthy, criticized by the wise, or we say in the Loving Kindness Sutra, let one do nothing that is mean or that the wise would reprove, So actions that are reproved or not supported by people that we see to be wise. And if you look at something and see that if you adopt this and carry out this action, it will lead to harm and to suffering. When you find that out for yourself, then you should abandon those teachings or those views or those actions. So how do we know?

[43:20]

Well, you have to see what comes from actions such as those. Is there harm? Is there, or on the other hand, is there benefit? We have to find out for ourselves, and often we have to find out by watching very carefully, by paying attention, by practicing intimately, by familiarizing ourselves, and then we will see, oh, this is actually leads to confusion, leads to harm. And then the Buddha goes on, when greed arises in a person, does it arise for welfare or for harm? And they say, for harm, Lord. And this greedy person overcome by greed, his or her mind possessed by greed, kills living beings, takes what is not given, goes after or doesn't respect another's commitments in relationship, tells lies, induces others to do likewise, all of which is for long-term harm and suffering.

[44:29]

So the three poisons are greed, hate, and delusion, and when there's greed that we're not taking care of, it's not that greed doesn't arise, but when we're not intimate with it and familiar and reflecting on it and practicing closely with it, actions will flow from that. Actions of taking what is not given or the Tenzo the other morning at work meeting made an announcement which was heartfelt and hard to make and I've heard the announcement made by other Tenzos in other practice places for years. This was not a new thing. Bringing up our actions regarding, he didn't say this, but regarding taking what is not given. It's very hard to make that kind of announcement without sounding like you're scolding and chastising and separating oneself.

[45:39]

So acknowledging that these actions arise in all of this For starters, that we share this human tendency to take what is not given, to be greedy, to lie, to be possessive. This is part of our human life. And the precepts are, can we be awake to this? And when we're awake to this, what are our actions? How do we want to live? And we have a choice there. the capacity and the joy, actually, of our functioning body-mind to make a decision if we're awake to it. Sometimes it's like, gee, somehow my hand got into the cookie jar and I'm taking away a big stack of chocolate chews to have by myself in my room. I wonder how that happened.

[46:41]

Well, I don't know. It was sometimes not really there with our actions. So the precepts are about being awake to these actions and seeing, is this a benefit? Is this respecting the earth and our fellow practitioners and the donors who support these places? Or those, not only the people that come behind us in the line going through getting food, but all the future generations that are coming after us in terms of our earth. And are we taking what is not given from them by our actions? So this is, the precepts are vast and wide and deep and ever and alive forever. As long as we're alive, there's precept practicing. And it says that in the ceremony. From now on and even after realizing Buddhahood, will you continue this truthful practice that I am now giving to you or that, you know, the truthful practice of observing these precepts?

[47:54]

And the ordinands say, yes, I will. Yes, I will. This is waking up to our life. These vows. And there's power, great power in this kind of vowing. And there's also a physical transformation in vow where we turn our body-mind. And the Buddha goes on, you know, when delusion arrives in a person, does it arise for welfare or for harm? And so forth. And he talks about what comes out of delusion or confusion. Not that we get rid of delusion, but that we study delusion. We are familiar with delusion, and in the Genjo Koan, it says those who have greatly realized, have great realization about delusion, are Buddhists.

[48:55]

So how can we be greatly, how can we realize delusion thoroughly and greatly? The precept practice will help us to realize delusion. and understand and be intimate with our delusions, then they don't push us around. So there's lots of things that the Buddha says to the kalamas about different qualities of skill. So when a person is not overcome by delusion, and the mind is not possessed by the delusion, doesn't kill, doesn't take what isn't given, and so on and so forth. All of this is for long-term welfare and happiness. And then the Buddha asked the Kalamas, are these qualities skillful or unskillful?

[49:57]

And they say, skillful. Blameworthy or blameless? Blameless, Lord. And so forth. when adopted and carried out, they lead to welfare and happiness. He asks them, do they or not? And they say, when adopted and carried out, they lead to happiness. That is how it appears to us. So they've... It's not just because the Buddha said. They've... They're studying this. They're looking at this. So I think this is an important point about the precepts and some people who are wondering... Is this something I want to do or don't want to do? And sometimes it takes years, 20 years or more for someone to say, yes, I've studied this enough. I do want to take this up. I see this is a benefit. So. And then the Buddha talks about imbuing all the directions on all around, and it says this also in the loving-kindness, you know, above, below, and all around without limit, let me cultivate an infinite goodwill for the whole world in all the directions, all beings, animate and inanimate objects.

[51:23]

And he says, in all the directions... May I pervade all the directions with an awareness imbued with compassion that keeps pervading above, below, and all around, everywhere, and in every respect, the all-encompassing cosmos of the entire universe pervaded with compassion, with this awareness imbued with compassion, wisdom and compassion. Abundant, expansive, immeasurable, free from hostility, free from ill will. And then awareness imbued with appreciation. And then the same way, the entire above, below and all around, imbued with awareness, imbued with appreciation. And then the third one is awareness imbued with equanimity.

[52:27]

And this awareness with compassion, appreciation, gratitude, equanimity, above, below, and all around, imbuing. And this mind is free from hostility, free from ill will, and not defiled by these poisons. So this, you know... Sometimes this seems like an impossible task. And that's what the Bodhisattva vows actually bring up, you know. This is inexhaustible, our delusions. I vow to study them or cut them or wake up to them. The Dharma gates are... Dharma gates are boundless.

[53:34]

I vow to enter them. Dharma gates are each moment of our life is a gate of the truth and an opportunity and possible moment to be clear and take refuge even if it's uncomfortable. Even if there's anxiety there, even if there's pain, pain in our legs, each moment is a Dharma gate, a gate of truth. And it's open. It's wide open. I vow to enter them. And Buddha's way is unsurpassable or beyond, you know, it's beyond our even ability to conceive of the the way of awakening. And then we vow to become it, become ourselves awakened way in all our actions of body, speech and mind.

[54:47]

And our precept practices embodies these four vows completely. So don't take it because you heard it and I said it and you read it and you saw somebody else do it. That's on the one side, this discernment, and find out for yourself. But you can't hold back then. If you're going to really find out for yourself, you have to leap into it, into this practicing intimately, and see for yourselves what causes confusion, ill will, possessiveness, hatred, and troubles, and what seems to be the consequences being a settledness, clarity, benefit, happiness.

[55:50]

How about that? We have to jump in. We can't hold ourselves back. And sometimes, I'll just go along with the crowd, You know, on the one hand, I can't say everything in one sentence. On the one hand, we need to jump in completely in order to study, because if we hold back, we won't be studying it with our body, speech, and mind. On the other hand... So the admonition is, just do it. And don't hold back. And then we're hearing this... this teaching from the Buddha, don't just take it on hearsay or because others do it, or wise people that you know are doing it, but find out for yourself. So the finding out for yourself, it might sound like it's holding back or not entering or staying on the sidelines to check it out, but I think the true checking it out is by leaping in.

[56:56]

with our great doubt, with some doubt. We're studying this. We're not swallowing it hook, line, and sinker. But we're studying it from a leaping into the middle. And then we can use this ability to test one's belief. It's called appropriate attention. And the other part of this is to talk with wise mentors and teachers. And this is called... This is another ability to test. It's called the ability to have admirable friends. And these two things together, appropriate attention and... wise friends or admirable friends who can help us with this, those two together are very powerful.

[58:03]

According to the Kalama Sutra, these two things together, the appropriate attention and then talking with people, mentors and those who we feel we consider are wise by looking at their life. These two things are according to the Kalama Sutra, the most important internal and external factors for our practice. So as we practice with intense times and difficulty and loss and suffering, How will we orient ourselves? How will we find our alignment and our stability and our calm and our ability and availability for others? Thank you all for your attention.

[59:21]

Is there anything anyone would like to ask? I think we have time for Questions? Or anything you'd like to bring up? Is that the same as the other, like, not knowing is most intimate, and what's under the low intimacy, is that the same? I'm not sure that's the same. this particular character has this kin, you know, family in it. And I think there's other characters for closeness and intimacy, but that would be interesting to find out. Yeah. Tova. I'm working with someone who has been studying the precepts and he's using the precepts as a way to see all his shortcomings and all the ways he doesn't measure up to how he thinks he should be acting.

[60:27]

And I'm finding it know how to just listen, be supportive, but also let him know that I don't think that is what the precepts are all about. Did everyone hear what Tova said? Shall I recap? So Tova said she's working with someone who's been studying the precepts, and this particular person is, the way he's relating to the precepts is using them almost as a way to look at all his shortcomings. And Tova is, in trying to support him and work with him, wondering how to work with him because she doesn't feel like that's exactly what the precepts are all about, to point out all our shortcomings. And I agree, although there is something kind of bitter about if... Part of what the precepts is helping us do is become intimate with our actions and we see patterns of behavior that are very deeply rooted and kind of unexamined, unconscious stuff.

[61:49]

The precepts can't help us look at that, but it's not to chastise or scold or it's to It's for supporting us to let go of these kinds of actions. So that bitter taste is, I think it's there. Especially when we are under the illusion that, oh, well, I'm fine and dandy and I never do that. I never pre-self at the expense of others. Even saying that is kind of praising self at the expense of others, you know? And then when we catch on that, oh, and then I remember for a while thinking, I can't say anything about anything because it was possessiveness, lying, praising self and slandering and, you know, it was like... So there is that aspect to it, but because the precepts are pointing to your true nature,

[62:56]

I'm not sure, I mean, you're working with this person so you know better, but how to emphasize the awakened nature that's there. Even his ability to study this is part of awakened nature. So... What? Just by taking it on and looking at it and wrapping with it is doing something positive. Exactly. We're just going to follow up, push it a little further. But is it possible to maybe be destructive in that way? You know, to have some idea of wanting to be beyond reproach, let's say, or that there's a point at which there's actually, even though there's a kind of healthy, bitter, you know, coming to grips with who one is, that there could be something actually destructive potentially in the guise of all I want to do is follow the precepts.

[64:01]

Did everyone hear Jeremy? Yes? I think you're nodding back there. Yes, I agree. I think the Dharma teachings and phrases and practices can be... If there are issues that are unexamined about our psychological life, we can use Dharma and... use it to deprecate ourselves. I mean, even bodhisattva vow, for example, I vow to save all sentient beings or to live for the benefit of others, or altruism can connect with our own low self-esteem, and I'm not good enough. Oh, good, I found a religion that really points that out well, that I'm really the lowliest of the low, because it says everybody goes first. So it can connect with our psychological... issues that need addressing.

[65:01]

So yes, I think someone can take and be rigid and strict and beating ourselves up using something as helpful as the precepts in our own way. So that's why it's very helpful to have a mentor, somebody you're talking about it with, and if somebody brings up and you feel they're denigrating themselves, that's not following the precepts. So the idea isn't to find all the ways that were... In this kind of study, this can be revealed, these areas that are unexamined and need other kinds of attention. Maybe... other modalities, therapy or body work or other ways because we get caught. I think that's a really important point.

[66:04]

In overall, there's spiritual life, psychological life, emotional life, mental life. These are not all one thing. There's different ways to address different parts of our psyche, parts of our selves. Thank you for the question. Yes? Well, resistance takes different forms. It can take overly zealousness, like going overboard.

[67:09]

That's a kind of resistance. And it can take the form of, I don't want to... It tells her I sang a song that I learned... I can't remember. It starts out, what's your name, little boy? Little girl, my name is Ida. Ida, what little girl? Idawana. What's your name, little boy? My name is Noah. Noah, what little boy? Noah won't. Anyway, so Idawana and Noah won't is a kind of resistance, you know, which is the other side. There's the overly thing and there's the I don't wanna. And I don't wanna can be about fear, you know, and if I change my life, I won't be loved anymore or approved of or I won't fit in or, you know, fear of change in a lot of aspects.

[68:20]

Being around people who do a lot of frivolous talk and idle chatter, for example, and if you're not going to be practicing that way, will they accept you? Will they be your friend anymore? So there's those kinds of fears. When we make a change, those around us make a change because, well, because of the basic truth of the interconnectedness of all beings. If we're going to change, things change, right? And we have fear of that, so... But sometimes around intoxicants, this one about intoxicants, sometimes people feel my whole social life will be over or something. But how are we using substances, you know, really? And maybe we don't want to look at that, you know? So it comes up in different ways, resistance. I think the non-resistant is the upright, right? Upright.

[69:22]

that responds and is able to, if you're resisting in different ways, you can't respond thoroughly because you're all crumbled over to one side or leaning away, so you're off balance. So the uprightness is not resisting, neither pushing away nor pulling. It's not attaching to or pushing away. It's just like our posture. You know, we sit upright and ready to respond. So, did that speak to what you were bringing up? Okay, how about one more? Whoops. I was wondering, you were talking earlier about intoxicants, whether the teachings themselves can be the kind of intoxicant. When I look at my own life, there's so many teachings, they're so beautiful, so much comfort in it.

[70:24]

And it occurred to me that this could be dangerous. Well said, well said. That's exactly true. The teachings, anything can become, just like what is medicine and what is poison. If you have good medicine, but you take it or overdose or take it when you're not ill, It becomes poison, right? So the teachings, if you attach to it and if you deprecate others, because this teaching is so beautiful, or force it on others, even any kind of forcing or coercion with the teaching, even though you feel it's really great. So you can also be intoxicated by all sorts of ideas, but the teachings too. So how do we... What does it feel like to be ungrounded and intoxicated? So I think we have to watch for that. That's an excellent point, but not only the teachings, but any of our ideas about anything, we can be overboard in that way and intoxicate ourselves.

[71:31]

Really? Do you want to fill in any other part? And I was wondering if you could talk about the dangers of that conclusion. There are dangers with that kind of confusion. You mean the confusion of the leap, feeling people have asked you to leap before you're ready to leap? Or clarifying what's the real practice, not just the attributes of? Right, as opposed to living a lay life and not considering that practice versus doing this, being here.

[72:44]

Well, when you say lay, a lay life, you know, there's two ways of realizing the way, right? One is staying at home and one is leaving home. Shuke tokudo and zaike tokudo. The tokudo, though, is attaining. Attaining means to touch. We think of attaining as kind of get, but I think the word attain has in it to touch. So to touch the truth of the awakened way, let's say. And there's many different forms. There's the form of monastic, semi-monastic meditation center form. It's just a form, a creative form. It's neither higher nor lower, it's just one of the many, one of the 10,000 forms. And then there's, you know, doctor, lawyer, merchant chief, you know, candlestick maker, sandal maker, candy maker, and baker.

[73:49]

I mean, there's endless forms that human life takes, and all forms can be imbued with precepts, you know, and awakened way. So, you know, when I first came to Zen Center and saw somebody wearing a rock suit, who looked like a very attractive person, I thought, gee, I want one of those, whatever it is, you know. I had no idea what it was even, but the person who was wearing it seemed to be rather attractive in many ways, calm and good eye contact or whatever it was. So there was that, you could say I was converted, you know, I was turned over by someone's practice style. their life, never even just saw them from afar. But then I kind of got maybe intoxicated by, ooh, what's that thingy do they're wearing?

[74:52]

I want one. And then I'll be in the in crowd or something, right? So that can happen. I think that's not so unusual even. But, you know, to be in the proper relationship to the forms and the ceremonial expressions of life and to be in the proper relationship to the informal expressions of our practice, you know? Hanging out down at the beach, practice. So I think we have to just be aware, are we caught? Are we after something? Are we attached? Are we making, are we privileging certain ways of life over other ways of life, really, even subtly? We can. Maybe this will be the last one.

[75:53]

I have a question, but something that was really moving to me, and I was at a Jewish restaurant, and I think it was named, and said that he asked why someone would become a priest, and someone would seek to preach that. And she said that it's a way of acting with us. They'll set up believing with this way of Did everyone hear that? Yes? Or no? Any no's? No's. Okay. Shall I redo it with the mic? So Michaela was remembering a lay ordination Jukai ceremony. She thought it was Lane's ceremony. And Kosho McCall gave the precepts and recounted a story that, a teaching story, when he asked Blanche, who he is, Blanche's successor, yes, when he asked her why someone would ask for the precepts or ask her to become a priest, Blanche said those people ask because they need more help.

[77:10]

No? They're asking for help by... asking to receive the precepts or to be ordained. It's a way of asking for help. So rather than a way of placing yourself or praising yourself or putting yourself over others or above others, it's a way of saying, please, I am formally and publicly and to the end of forever saying, please help me be accountable to this way I want to live. and I will wear this robe to help you to remember that I really need help. You know, it's an outward sign. So that's another way to think about this, rather than, I'm special, and you better believe it, you know. But you can't stop people from having their ideas about you

[78:16]

and projections and so forth. So we just deal with whatever comes up, but each of us has to be clear about that, how we are relating to the forms, the formal practice and the forms. Okay, thank you very much for this discussion this morning. And I wanted to spend most of the day in the Zendo today, so... with you and sitting together and I wasn't, often I'll sit in the morning and then the whole afternoon I'll be out seeing people in Doksan, but I'll just be out a little bit and mostly I think I'll be sitting today. So let us settle ourselves together and open our hearts to each other and practice with the fullness of our being.

[79:24]

Thank you very much.

[79:26]

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