This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good evening. The last time I was at Tassajara was... in the fall from September to December, leading the practice period. And I was the Abiding Abyssal City Center at that time. So, five months later, I'm back here, and I'm not the Abiding Abyssal City Center anymore. And I'm saying that because It's lovely to come back, and everybody I see that was part of that practice period I have enormous, heartwarming memories of in all the varieties.

[01:15]

And you may have memories, too. And we all have that in our lives, that functions maybe change, positions change. And we can actually, it's an opportunity to see how expectations change, projections change, and it gives us insight in how those shape our experiences. How we... How we see ourselves in different positions changes. What is called forward changes, but also what gets projected or expected changes. And usually we don't really pay attention to that.

[02:18]

We just go with it. So... I also don't know who is here for the very first time at Tassahara. Can you raise your hands a little higher? So we just welcome. Some of the people that are the first time here are from came also for Sangha week. which 14 people came from different sanghas and different places to spend five days here together in the best possible way of being here, I think, which is an opinion, so don't take it seriously. In the morning, they're participating in the meditation and work schedule, and in the afternoon, they have their own schedule, and in the evening, their guests.

[03:21]

So by working together in the community, it's kind of like the place becomes yours because you go to dinner and say, oh, I chopped these carrots, or I dug that trench, or I helped dig that trench, or I weeded those weeds. It connects you. But whichever way you're here, actually, there is an incredible... event happening, this valley and the wilderness around it is so full of energy and so full of support. And it speaks to your bodies whether you consciously pay attention to it or not. The hot springs, the care that's taken of the place continuously since 40, how many? 47 years.

[04:24]

And Suzuki Roshi was here only three years of his life and kind of saw it immediately when he came over the hill. He just felt it. And before Zen Center, there were long, long, long many years. I don't know how many years. Beginning of the 19th century, I think, there was a hotel where we're sitting now. people coming down in horse-pulled or stopped carriages with tree trunks attached at the back, dragging on the ground so that the stage wouldn't run off. So in Sangha Week, we really try to allow that impact and be paying attention to it. And following how that was influencing us when we had personal time.

[05:28]

And the summer season has just started, which is a lot of physical work. And so I want to write something that Dogen wrote. I read something that Dogen wrote. As all things are Buddha Dharma, there is delusion and realization, practice and birth and death, and there are Buddhas and saints and beings. So, as all things, what we perceive as things, which includes persons, people. As all things are Buddha Dharma, there is delusion and realization. There is practice.

[06:34]

There is birth and death. And there are Buddhas and ancient beings. Then he goes on. As the myriad things are without an abiding self. There is no delusion, no realization, no Buddha, no sentient being, no birth and death. And then he says, the Buddha way is basically leaping clear. of the many and the one. So all things tell us about the Dharma, about reality.

[07:40]

They actually tell us about how they come to be. Usually we don't pay attention to that or we don't see that so easily. We see the things and then we create stories around the things. It can be a simple story. Wow, I like this. I don't really like this. Or how wonderful. Or how awful. And anything in between. So, then there's delusion. And there's also the possibility of realization. When we understand, when we start understanding by studying that all those myriad things that we perceive have no

[08:48]

abiding self have no continuous fixed self but are in constant flux then also delusion or realization birth and death fall away it's just moving and then it says a little further down, this is from the Genjo Koan, actualizing the fundamental point, a little further down he says, those who have great realization about delusion, of delusion, are Buddhas. And wouldn't most of us, I mean, I for a long time thought realization of delusion To be a Buddha, you have a realization about enlightenment.

[09:49]

It would never have occurred to me that a Buddha is a being that has realization about delusion. Then he goes on, those who are greatly deluded about realization are sentient beings. And who doesn't have a story about what enlightenment is, or should be, or should feel like? We all do, I think, if we even think about it. Or we say, well, I'm not interested in enlightenment. I'm just interested in something else. And then he goes, when you see forms or hear sounds fully engaging body and mind, you grasp things directly.

[10:55]

So in this context of today, I would say that could mean when we are completely in our senses and let sounds just be sounds and let them kind of touch us and Sights, just be sights. And sensations, just be sensations. And feelings, just be feelings. Without each time creating a story around it. This is this, or why is this happening now, or can't I have another feeling, or... Then we grasp things directly. So, at the beginning of summer here, almost everybody's position is shifting and changing.

[12:06]

Not everybody, but a lot of people have a new job. sometimes job they're not so familiar with, they haven't done before or done in their life. And that's a wonderful place to start studying the stories you create around experiences that arise. What is your work? What is the people around you? And how we can also study how those stories we think of them as often helpful. Because, you know, if I think this person is really nice, then I can manage to be more often in the neighborhood of that person. And if I, for some reason, think that person is not nice, I can then kind of organize my life so I can avoid them.

[13:06]

And that's a delusion. And that's managing your life, which you can be very successful at. What the result of it is, is that it's a very, very extremely limited life. It's not flowing. It's not expanding. So someone told me that they were very ill and they went to see a Chinese doctor and part of the question was, why is this happening? Why can't you read my pulses and tell me why this is happening? Because why is this happening? What is the cause? And the Chinese doctor said, you know, we can go down that road and go step by step and why this and why this. And then in the end, it's your whole life. So I have another suggestion that you could try out.

[14:13]

You could try to live an unrecognizable life. One you yourself don't recognize. To be different, to do things different, to respond differently. And it was very helpful to that person and their partner. They got it. They felt like... not be stuck in this is who I am, this is how I do things, this is what I like, this is what's good for me and this is what's bad for me, which we all tend to do and think this is going to help our life and we don't see how it's limiting our life. And living in this valley with this incredible light of the day and light

[15:14]

At night, in the sky, if you look up at the skies, with the wilderness around you, with the animals, I think the canyon wren came in. I heard her. Because when we arrived, you couldn't hear canyon wren. So there's changes happening and life happening. And if you follow what's alive in your bodies... will lead to discoveries and expansion of your experience of the being that you are. And new jobs give opportunities to that, to engage your body, take care of it, but not go, oh, I can never do this or not, but rather, how can I do this job with this body that I have? And how it is today, not the one I had yesterday and not the one I may have tomorrow or in 10 years or 20 years ago, the one that's here right now.

[16:24]

And it's different in the morning. Do you wake up in the morning and ask the question, who's waking up? It's an interesting question. Who is this person? How is this being put together this morning rather than being busy with usual thoughts about how you're going to organize and plan the day? And Sazen is a wonderful opportunity to just drop all that and just visit with this amazing thing. I mean, we forget how absolutely amazing it is that we are even here. that we all sit in this room, look around, it's just like a variety. I mean, nobody looks like anybody else. And nobody is like anybody else. And we're all human. So we share an enormous amount of humanness, but in complete, endless variations.

[17:34]

Stories shape what we perceive. They're like filters we put on. And if we can hold those lightly and go, oh, it's just a story, and let's see what else is happening. There's a big opening. It's a simple practice. It takes just presence and curiosity. And that's true. for what you perceive outside and what you perceive inside. It's also about how you think about yourself. It's usually an endless repetition. Pay attention how many times you tell the same story about yourself. And you can just stop it and not do it, and something will happen. You don't have to invent another story. You can just not tell that story that you know so well.

[18:51]

This is what always happens to me, or here I am again, I make no progress, or all the others have a better life, or whatever it is. Or when somebody says, who are you? Just rather than say who you are in the moment, What your experience is of yourself, you probably say, well, you know, I was born there and did this and that and the other, and now I'm here. And it's, you know, you're bored by it, actually, but you keep telling it, you know. I go home to Switzerland. It was a real teaching to me. You know, I was born in Switzerland, then I lived... I live at Zen Center and now I don't live at Zen Center, but I'm living in the United States. And so I would go home the first few years, you know, I would go home and everybody was, of course, totally interested what's going, where I am and what kind of cult I'm in now and what is going on and are you now weird?

[19:59]

And, you know, they would watch me and I would tell them how my experience is. I was very alive, I would tell. some friends. And I would meet other friends and I would tell it and it was alive and I would, you know, tell my experiences. And from the third time on to the 25th, it got deader and deader and deader and deader. And I was totally disconnected from myself. And from then, and from what had been such an alive experience, it was such a teaching. But I didn't know what else to do. Because I felt like I have to tell them. They asked me, so I have to tell them. Till I realized I'm not playing catch-up with anybody anymore. You know, what happened since we saw each other last time?

[21:02]

Because by the time we arrived to... where are we now? How are we now with each other? I have to leave. Or they have to leave. It's truly true. And it's kind of, it's not what is happening. So now I just go and say, let's hang out and do something together. And then in that doing something together, sometimes something comes up that is touched in the life and you tell from this life or they tell from their life. It's way more fun. But it took me a while to learn that and I learned it because I got depressed telling the wonderful things that have happened here for me at Zen Center 25 times. And you can't tell something without it affecting you internally too. So

[22:04]

So watch what stories you tell each other, what you think it's important to say that because this is who I am. Just don't. Try not to. Find out how that is. Give yourself a break as an experiment and pay attention so you find your way of how you deal with the stories you come up with. And you can notice how they shape what you perceive. So, we are not having a long lecture tonight. Tanto instructed me. I think that's wonderful.

[23:07]

And I want to go back to Dogen briefly and say, when he says, As all things are Buddha Dharma, there is delusion and realization, practice and birth and death, and there are Buddhas and sentient beings. As the myriad things are without an abiding self, there's no delusion, no realization, no Buddha, no sentient being, no birth and death. It's not fixed. There's not delusion, realization, birth, death. If you've been around people that are dying, They are fully alive till they take their last breath.

[24:11]

A lot of things are changing on that way and kind of seem or are diminishing, but it's full life. Dying is full life till there is no more breathing. And in a Sokchen text, which is called Maha'ati, the Great Perfection, it says... It was translated by Chögyung Trungpa. He says, all aspects of every phenomena are completely clear and lucid. The whole universe. I want you to listen to this with your body, not just with your mind, but with your whole body. All aspects of every phenomena are completely clear and lucid. The whole universe is open and unobstructed, everything mutually interpenetrating.

[25:18]

Since all things are naked, clear, and free from obstructions, there is nothing to attain or realize. The nature of things naturally appears and is naturally present in time-transcending awareness. The everyday practice is simply to develop a complete acceptance and openness to all situations and emotions and to all people experiencing everything totally without mental reservations and blockages so that one never withdraws or centralizes onto oneself. This produces a tremendous energy which is usually locked up

[26:26]

in the process of mental evasion and generally running away from life experiences. Clarity of awareness may in its initial stages be unpleasant or fear-inspiring. If so, then one should open oneself completely to the pain or the fear and welcome it. I don't know how it feels to you. When I read this each time and really engage my whole body, it relaxes me on a very, very deep level. This doesn't mean I'm able to. I have all sorts of stories that hinder me to experience that or be open to that, but it supports being more open and noticing. when I shut down, and then maybe relaxing.

[27:29]

And that's the same when Dogen says, as the myriad things are without an abiding self, there is no delusion, no realization, no Buddha, no sentient being, no birth and death. There is life. Free, flowing, fully embodied, fully experienced life that's not managed, that's not contrived, that's not contracted. It's... contraction and expansion are part of it, but it's not an artificial contraction. So... I would like to know if you have any questions or comments.

[28:34]

Yes. What was the name of the writing that I can send you a copy. I'll end with a poem by Jane Hirschfield, which speaks about The stories goes like this. It was like this. You were happy. That's the title. It was like this. You were happy. Then you were sad. Then happy again. Then not.

[29:48]

It went on. You were innocent. or you were guilty, actions were taken, or not. At times you spoke, at other times you were silent. Mostly it seems you were silent. What could you say? Now it is almost over. Like a lover, your life bends down and kisses your life. It does this not in forgiveness. Between you, there is nothing to forgive. But with the simple nod of a baker at the moment he sees the bread is finished with transformation. Eating too is a thing now

[30:52]

only for others. It doesn't matter what they will make of you or your days. They will be wrong. They will miss the wrong woman, miss the wrong man. All the stories they tell will be tales of their own invention. Your story was this. You were happy, then you were sad. You slept, you awakened, sometimes you ate roasted chestnuts, sometimes persimmons. making stories, not telling stories, paying attention, and also not explaining everything.

[32:04]

You were happy. Then you were sad. I slept. I awoke. Sometimes I ate chestnuts and sometimes persimmons. I wish you all a wonderful summer and a wonderful time here in this incredible valley. I will leave very early tomorrow morning because Marshall, my partner's brother, is dying and is in... to Seattle tomorrow, so I can't say goodbye at the work circle. I say it here, and thank you so much for hosting us and taking such good care of the place. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered free of charge, and this is made possible by the donations we receive.

[33:13]

Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, Visit sfcc.org and click Giving.

[33:23]

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