This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Where to begin? I've been thinking, as I often do when I'm going to give a talk, what do I really want to say? What do I want to say? I'm helping Stephen Harper to lead a retreat right now. So there are 16 other people besides myself in that retreat that I've been talking to a little bit about Buddhism in practice. Some of them I've known for a while, some quite a while, and some are brand new. And then there's people I've been living with for years and years and years here at and at Zen Center and people who were just here for the last practice period and are now going into this marvelous experiment we call trying to turn our monastery into something that has a guest season and still stays a practice place.

[01:18]

Excuse me. And there are the new students who are here to see whether they like that kind of experiment and whether it's useful to them and to do that together with us. And there are the guests, some of whom also I've known for a long time and some of whom I haven't even met. So what do I really want to say? And there's myself. What do I really want to say to myself? Many people who give lectures like this actually find that, someone was just telling me this the other day, but I've experienced myself over the years, that you find yourself saying something that maybe you say it several times, and then in a moment of falling into an old habit, some negative state, suddenly your own voice comes into your head about something that you've said with such earnestness to other people, and you think, my goodness, could that mean me now?

[02:27]

And it's really very helpful. So I think what I've come to so far that I really want to say is to each of us, to one time-honored way of saying it in Zen is study yourself. but don't do it with like analyzing yourself or trying to figure out why. Study yourself with your heart. Really try to stay close to ourselves with our heart open to really understand this person. I think that the The secret vow we're taking if we start to practice Soto Zen and we sit down and try to do Zazen, nobody tells you this and maybe that's good because maybe we'd say no thank you, is I will be with this person.

[03:42]

I will stay with this person for this whole lifetime. This one unique person, I will stay close to he, she, him, they, whatever's here, whatever turns out to be here, whoever this one becomes, I will stay close. And that that is what the effect of zazen is, is actually more capacity to be able to stand what this person is at all different times. So there's a story, a kind of a strange story. You know, there's two or more, but two main kinds of Zen in Japan, and therefore in the West also, Rinzai and Soto Zen.

[04:44]

And this is Soto Zen. And so the saying goes that Rinzai is more about koans and studying koans, and Soto Zen is more about just sitting. But in fact, Soto Zen has koans too, which are stories that often, at first glance, don't make a whole lot of sense. And then somehow you're supposed to embody them, maybe. That might be a good word for this koan, embody it. So this koan is the very first koan in the Soto Zen book of koans. I think that's a good sign that it does what I think it does, which is expresses really the essence of Soto Zen. Okay, we'll just go with the koan.

[05:44]

I've actually been thinking more about the poem that goes with the koan, but we'll save that and see if we get there. So the koan... is very simple. It says, the world honored one, one day the world honored one ascended the seat, like this, you know, sat up on the seat, which is usually would mean, the world honored one means the Buddha in this case, and would normally mean that he would give a talk. So the world honored, one day the world honored one ascended the seat, and Manjushri, who's the embodiment of wisdom, strikes the mallet, kind of, you know, one of our instruments, and announces, makes this announcement, clearly observe the Dharma of the King of Dharma. The Dharma of the King of Dharma is thus. And the World Honored One gets down from the seat. So that's somehow his message, his talk.

[06:49]

So, you know, this... wonderful, simple, strange koan of if we embody it. Actually, another story says that Buddha, when he was first born, took three steps and raised his finger and said, I alone am the world-honored one. So maybe if you have been around children, That may be hard to imagine when they're first born, but you can probably imagine at least the attitude when they get to about two or three. I alone am the world honored one and you better do what I say. This is not exactly what the feeling of the Buddha saying, I alone am the world honored one is, but it's close. And it's probably closer than our normal state of mind about ourself. Although we probably have some hidden thoughts that really I am the world-honored one.

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We usually turn them around to, well, I would be the world-honored one if things were just perfect around me or if I could just get rid of that one major problem I have or if they could just see me correctly or if they treated me correctly. So we have some kind of hidden sense that I'm really special. if things would just get in line with it. But that kind of two-year-old, I am the center of the universe. I'm important here. This is me happening. That's not far, actually, from the kind of dedication that we need to this person. Some, I mean, you know, two-year-olds don't bother to believe that. They just embody it, right?

[08:54]

They're just like being, or even before that, when they get that urge to stand up, you know, like they can't stand, and then they start like pulling themselves up on everything. And it's just like there's a force inside them going, stand up, walk, take those three steps, take your place in the universe. So again, not quite like that, because if we did it, it'd be pretty strange. But that kind of in-tuneness with, there's a real unique being happening here, and this is the one that I can actually study to understand the world, to understand the nature of reality. This is where the universe comes together that my sensory equipment can touch. So this clearly observing the Dharma, the teaching that's embodied in this body

[10:18]

to really study it with our heart, I think is the essence of Soto Zen. It's what Zazen is about. Not that we experience it that way most of the time, but some kind of like settling into this unique karmic being. And maybe here's where I'll bring in the poem, which some of you have heard many, many times. Many of you have read it, but some of you have heard me recite it over and over again, but here it goes again. It's a really beautiful poem. The unique breeze of reality, can you see? Continuously creation runs her loom and shuttle, weaving the ancient brocade, incorporating the forms of spring. As the woof goes through the warp, the weave is dense and fine. One continuous thread comes from the shuttle making every detail. How can this even be spoken of on the same day as false cause or no cause?

[11:24]

Let me say that again. The unique breeze of reality, can you see? Can we see how reality comes together here in this being in the unique way that it does? Can we stay there with that? with an open heart, and see how is the universe making me? What is it? You know, another saying we have around here is don't ask why questions. Why am I like this? Oh, because the universe made me this way. But to just ask a why question immediately sort of takes us to our head. It doesn't mean that you should never ask why questions. There are plenty of good why questions to ask out there. If you're a scientist, if it's, you know, many... When we do it about something like this, like, who is this person, what is happening with this person, to say why is immediately a little bit off the topic.

[12:30]

It's like looking for excuses or reasons, not to say that they're bad, but it's just not, it's distracting. It's distracting from where we need our attention to be. So if you hear yourself asking why, Is this happening? Think about it. Is that a good question in this situation? Or should I just get back to what again? Not so much with my head, but with my heart. Our heads are good. Our minds are good. I don't mean to put them down. Very useful. We wouldn't want to be without them. Even in Buddhist practice, really useful. But we tend to identify with it too much. So to settle in. with this unique breeze of reality. Can you be it? Actually, you don't have any choice but to be it. Can you be there with it? Can you see it? Continuously, creation runs her loom and shuttle, weaving the ancient brocade, incorporating the forms of spring.

[13:38]

That's the line that I've been thinking about. Forms of spring. The forms of spring. It keeps going through my head. The forms of spring, probably because it's spring, right? Although here at Tassajara, spring starts in January or February, so we've been in spring off and on for a long time. And the first buds on the trees were a long time ago, and first little shoots, crocuses out of the ground. Our daffodils are mostly gone by the time some of you get here. But still... The forms of spring are happening around us. There's lots of wildflowers. There's lots of birds happening. The creek is still here. I think of all these as the... And actually, the guest season's starting as one of the forms of spring. And what are the forms of spring? The forms of spring seem to be, to me, right now, anyway, to be like the seeds of things, the beginning of things.

[14:42]

But we don't know what things, right? It's like another verse that we sometimes chant in the morning. It says, you don't call summer the end of spring. You know, so spring is just spring, right? We don't think, oh, that, you know, seed on that plant is, I mean, sometimes we do think it's going to become a plant, but it's a flower now, right? We just enjoy the flower. And then later it'll be whatever. It turns into being. So these forms of spring are the beginnings of things. And it's incorporated into this ancient brocade that is constantly being woven, that we are part of. And there are constant forms of spring. There are constant new possibilities happening that we

[15:45]

imagine what they're going to be. There's really no reason for us to imagine what they are going to be except for, you know, entertainment's sake because we can't do it accurately because too many more forms of spring are going to happen along the way. But to feel ourselves as a fertile field of new forms that are happening constantly and some of the forms of spring that come to us are not so pleasant as flowers and birds you know some of them are mosquitoes and some of them are dandelions and some of them are star thistles and you know things that we are kind of you don't know star thistles star thistles are a horrible bush anyway some of the forms of spring are not so pleasant And yet, they are forms of spring. They are things that grow into we're not sure what, because they fall into this fertile field that's our life, and they mix with other things.

[16:54]

And as most of us, maybe all of us, have experienced, sometimes the things that we think are the worst thing actually turn out to be a very beautiful, wonderful thing. So here we are in the ancient brocade that's being woven as we speak, as we live, incorporating the forms of spring. As the woof goes through the warp, the weave is dense and fine, one continuous thread coming from the shuttle, making every detail. There's not, you know, I think sometimes we think, something like, you know, well, what should I do next? As if we're going to, like, leap into the void. And actually, a lot of people feel that way, especially if they come as students to Tassajara, like, I'm going to be a different person.

[17:58]

I'm going to go practice Zen. I'm going to leave behind everything that's causing me trouble and take this vow and Especially if they come for a practice period, then they think, I'm going to sit quietly with myself. I won't cause any more trouble for anyone or anything. If you've done a practice period, you know one of the worst things about practice period is you come with you. When you sit down to sit, there you are, doing all your crazy stuff. Luckily, mostly in silence. But we don't stay in the Zendo all the time. So, you know, then it leaks out and it has pretty much the same effect it has everywhere, which, thank goodness, we get to keep studying this person. If every morning we woke up and we were a new person, we'd have to start over every day. We do have to start over, but we start over with a lot of the same material. So we learn a lot.

[19:01]

We learn a lot about this person over time, over a practice period, over... you know, whatever amount of time we're talking about. So this one continuous thread is that continuity, which is, you know, we don't have to exactly define it. Like, how much is a form of spring? Where do those forms of spring come from anyway? You know, they come from the ancient bouquet, and then they're incorporated into it, so... It's a mysterious process of new and continuing and new and continuing. And this is what we're asked to be here for. How can this even be spoken of on the same day as no cause or false cause, which is how we tend to feel about some things.

[20:03]

If something happens that we don't like in our life, Sometimes we think it came out of the blue. Where did this come from? How could this happen to me? And sometimes we think it came from a false cause. You know, like, it was a mistake. It was a mistake that this happened to me. And sometimes it's a mistake that we can actually blame on somebody. Sometimes we can blame ourselves. Sometimes we can find somebody else to blame. But this... poem, anyway, is saying there isn't any false cause. Every thread in the ancient brocade is closely connected. The weave is dense and fine. We are making the brocade. So if something happens that's unpleasant that we don't like, still we help to make it into the design that it is in the brocade.

[21:08]

We have to interact. We are interacting with it. That's why we don't like it, because it's touching us deeply. So what do we do with that? That's not something that there's an easy answer for. I can just say, you know, do this. It depends totally on the ancient brocade. What's happening then? Who are you? How is it affecting you? What's around you? What's going on? There's the only way... to see not what the right answer is, because usually I don't think there's a right answer, but there are some answers that cause more suffering and some answers that cause less suffering. So if we're right there with it and we have the presence of mind and the capacity to help figure out what our response is which is not always the case sometimes there's just a response and then we live with that but if we do and if we can choose one that we think to the best of our ability will cause less suffering instead of more suffering I would say go with that if you can but it's it's the most important thing is it's part of me and it's part of you

[22:32]

And we are part of it. And again, this particular part, this unique part that each of us embodies, is each of our unique way into the whole. It's like, how does the universe come together here? How do I be this part of the universe? This study of self is not selfish, and it's not isolated. It's so connected, but it's connected in an alive way. From here, we can do something that is, what should we call it, authentic, and we will do something. Whether we try or not, we are continuously acting. From here, there's, as I've said many times, there's no way to be passive.

[23:34]

You're a being. Actually, alive or dead, even after you die, you're still a being. You're still going to have an impact. And to not do something is doing something. That's a scary thought. And yet we have no choice. We have to do that. That's just the way it is. So to try harder, to try to do it exactly right, really doesn't help. As we've seen, a lot of us have seen, we try really hard to do it right. It's not really the best way to, with your heart, be there and understand what's happening. what would cause less suffering instead of more suffering in this situation? So to clearly observe the Dharma, the teaching of the king, queen, prince, princess of Dharma, the one that's embodied here with an open heart, to clearly observe that, that's what I really want to say tonight, is please

[24:54]

Try to do that. Find the things that support you to do that. It's a liberating endeavor. We have a few minutes if anyone wants to ask or say anything. Yes. Can you give an example for you that just comes to mind about when you really felt like you clearly observed something? I guess like, is there something that you feel like you do to clearly observe or is it sort of like spontaneously clearly observed?

[26:04]

And then what is that, you know, like if there's anything that comes to mind about how that shifted? Yes, yes. Well, the first thing that came to my mind as you were saying it was some years ago here during a practice period in a sesheen, which is a long sitting, this was seven days, and I think it was the seventh day. And I was here and my husband, who... I live both here and out of Jamesburg. I was here for the full seven days, and on the seventh day, I believe, my husband came in and brought the town trip in. And although it's silent, I saw him, and we said something to each other, which I don't remember, and I got quite irritated. Whatever it was, it was like, rah! And I walked away from that, and the insight that I had... the clearly observing that happened, wasn't really trying except that I was sitting in this session, was, oh, this is suffering.

[27:10]

Which was, you know, should be obvious sort of, but it wasn't, you know, because, because I was, normally I would have been thinking about what he had done that had made me so upset. But it was, it was just like a knowledge, like, oh, this is suffering. That was the first thing. And then you said, do you do anything? Katagiri Roshi, who some of you have heard of, was a Zen teacher. He died some years ago. And I once heard him say in a lecture, don't try to do anything in terms of practice except Sid Zazen. And I thought, oh, God, you know, that's terrible, because I don't have any idea what Zazen, what does that mean, Sid Zazen, what, you know, we all, anybody who tries it, I think, probably gets an idea and either decides their idea is wrong or fails at it or something.

[28:21]

So Zazen is hard to be the thing to rely on. But as he talked more, it seemed like he really meant, like, Don't try. Just go there. Just sit. So I don't mean to say that sitting is the only way to do this. I don't think this is really the practice for everybody. But some practice that you do that helps you settle, that helps you be here. I happen to think this is an amazing one because you can't figure out what's going on. So if you're a person like me who likes to figure it out, it's kind of frustrating in a way that, anyway, whatever, that's a different lecture. So doing something that really helps you, again, be able to stand what goes on here, have the capacity, have the stability to stay close to yourself.

[29:27]

in spite of what happens. And then when something painful happens, after a while, it actually reminds you. I mean, maybe you already have this. I certainly have for a long, long time. I had this thought when something painful happens, the thought comes up for me, what should I do? What should I do? Well, if you take that question seriously and you hear yourself asking, what should I do? possible to get to the place where you remember that the answer is don't do in your normal way of doing things anything just don't do just like be there with it instead of trying to figure out how to fix it open your heart a little bit let me just say because you might not have time to say it to ask me what I mean by this that does not mean that that you shouldn't sometimes like Run as fast as you can in the opposite direction.

[30:30]

It doesn't mean passively stay there and take whatever painful thing is happening. There are all kinds of things that we don't do. And that we do do while we're not doing with that kind of, how am I going to fix this? But where we're actually letting the situation be what it is and letting ourself be what we are in it. And then we don't have any choice but to respond. And sometimes the response is, you know, all the things you can imagine. Thank you. Okay, one more if there's anyone. Could you say a little more definitively what our hearts is? We're depending a lot on this concept of our hearts. Maybe. Okay, what do I mean when I say open your heart, stay close and steady yourself with your heart?

[31:41]

Thank you for the question. I think that I mean when we normally say steady something, we often mean think about it. Look it up at a book, or now, excuse me, books, forget that, on the internet. Sorry. Except here you are at Tassari, you might have to go for a book. Anyway, look it up. So instead of that, I mean a kind of warmth might be one way of saying it, toward yourself. You know, I'm sorry if you don't have children, but I think almost anyone can actually understand if you had a child and you felt like this child was your responsibility, that kind of like taking care of it.

[32:50]

And then imagine they get a little older. So you're imagining doing this for yourself. So you're not just a newborn baby. You're actually... Not quite as lovable as that. Other things happen. They turn two. You turn two. You start saying, you know. But you still love this child. You still want, so you, but you're wanting to be there in a helpful way. So how do you stay there? How do you stay close with some faith that there's something here that makes sense? you know, sense, not like sense, but like universal sense of some sort, no matter how crazy you seem. Something like that. You can call it that if you want. Thank you for the question. Okay, that's enough for tonight. Sorry. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center.

[33:57]

Our Dharma talks are offered free of charge, and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click Giving.

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